Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The last Wednesday post of 2014.

I've just learned a fun fact from a reader about New Zealand, which is that their taboo against not wearing a plastic hat while riding a bicycle is even stronger than their taboo against public nudity:

A male in Timaru was stopped by police on Sunday afternoon while cruising the streets without clothes or helmet.

Like Australia, it is compulsory for cyclists to wear helmets in New Zealand.

The man was slapped with a fine for leaving his head uncovered, while police were more lenient about him leaving his body unclothed. 

So where did they slap him?

Speaking of nudity, Leroy's Dog has difficulty believing that Mario Cipollini is a virgin when it comes to "touring down under:"
I would have to agree, and indeed this is in direct contradiction to Cipo's only extant "tweet" to date:

That's five years and counting, just in case you're keeping track.

Gotta be some kinda record.

Anyway, moving back to helments, I'm not sure why wearing them has to be an all-or-nothing proposition.  What's wrong with making the decision on a case-by-case basis?  For example, if I'm just riding around the neighborhood naked and running errands, I forego the helment.  However, if I'm out on the open road on my Fredcycle, wearing stretchy clothes and flying about o'er hill and dale, I strap on the ol' "safety kippah."


Well, looks mostly, but also because neighborhood cycling is mostly just slow-speed encounters with double-parked Entenmann's trucks and senior citizens slowly rolling through stop signs, whereas high-speed road cycling involves shit like this:

Goddamn deer wasn't even wearing a helment.

The rider totally Hincapied his cockpit too:


And here's a somewhat less thrilling animal encounter:

I'm not sure that qualifies as an "attack."  If anything, the dog was probably just trying to get a whiff of his chamois.  Speaking as a dog attack survivor myself, frankly I'm not impressed.

By the way, it's been over a year now since that dog bit me and I'm pleased to report I'm still rabies-free.  In fact, I plan to start selling rubber bracelets:

I may not have rabies, but I'll tell you one thing: I'm positively rabid about fighting it.

And in other helment and dog news, Newfoundland and Labrador (both dog breeds as I understand it) have unleashed (DO YOU GET IT!?!) a helment law upon an unsuspecting cycling populace:

Service NL Minister Tony Cornect said research shows there are significant reductions in bicycle-related head injuries in provinces where there is mandatory bicycle helmet legislation versus provinces and territories without such legislation.

Right, probably because there's a significant reduction in people riding bicycles.

Nicely done.

I suppose when if you can't ban bicycles then passing a helment law is the next best thing.

Lastly, I've reminded you before and I'm reminding you again not to ride indoors this winter because it's stupid:

What, no helment!?!


Spokey said...


Anonymous said...


Yeah Cleveland! said...

Somewhere over the....

ken e. said...


groanhammer said...

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flagellum said...

A bronze for New Zealand? Good as gold...

Anonymous said...


Joe K. said...

I would have been here sooner, but I hurt my arm on my end table while not not biking inside.

dop said...


samh said...

The deer video is boss. So is the roller one - but in a whole different way.

dnk said...

I am at my desk at work NOT WEARING A HELMENT.

dnk said...

Oh yeah. I'm naked too.

Spokey said...

so what's going on next wednesday that you can't post?


another multi-week vacation? if i wasn't re-tyred, i'd consider this blooging for a living stuff.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

What's with the white rope in the roller fail video?

Anonymous said...

His Areo Bars made him fall of his roller trainer

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Holy crap that rider did get his bell rung. I heard it ding.

bad boy of the north said...

in the first group.woo hoo

James C. Hunter said...

"What's with the white rope in the roller fail video?

Overly long ceiling fan pull cord?

Comment deleted said...

Don't walk away sullenly, get back on that trainer!, Oh, and good luck in your next triathlon.

Anonymous said...

2 9retorical) questions about bike roller fail guy:

1. Why is he wearing skin tight clothes to ride indoors?

2. Why did he post his own fail video? (Unless his buddies found it and posted it.)

Regular guy said...

While I commend the roller dude's bravery to post that most humiliating video, the only thing that sucks more than his riding ability is the art on his walls.

Bet he's a real winner when he plays that guitar, too.

Topcheese911 said...

I still don't get why people
A) video record themselves on rollers
B) upload said video to Youtube

The deer one? Yeah, that shit is cray.

Regular guy said...

Anon @ 1:24

To answer question 1, can you imagine how embarrassing it would have been if he'd been naked, too?

Once he gets better at it, then the clothes are off.

Spokey said...

i'll bet that if that dog hadn't spent all night at leroy's dog's party he wooda caught that fred

McFly said...

So that's why they are called "rollers". I am still waiting on a DEER ATTACK CYCLING VIDEO.

Yes I wear a helmet said...

Since WCRM brought up helments today, when does the discussion veer towards helmets and hammers vs getting kicked in the groin?

erikbe said...

That was the most boring "rollers fail" video ever made.

Lying in Wait... said...

"...when does the discussion veer towards helmets..."

As soon as someone claims the bicycle helmet reduced the severity of a head impact.

Anonymous said...

Based on the first photo, the helment law smells like ass.

Dog attacks. The local Free Range Golden Retriever gave me a full on charge, tried to skid to a stop, and start barking. Being somewhat clumsy, it's skid failed and buried its muzzle into my leg. Whereupon it went and sat on the edge of the road like "bad doggie". It was funny until I looked down and saw a 4 inch cut leaking my own blood into my Sidi. Now the sheriffs have arrested both man and wife for domestic violence. When the sheriffs arrived, they found both with gunshot wounds. I hope they weren't fighting over something I said. I just washed out the cut with the water bottle and went on my business. Yes I did check for a current vaccination tag on said retriever.
BamaPhred, Dog Bite Survivor

Spokey said...

that's what you get for the privilege of bieking in warm weather all years around.

i gets no biets around here. no caching me outsied. and if you did, no dawgs outside. yeah, everyone around here is a wuss

Spokey said...


excepted of course

Glory said...

I have shot two dogs in the face with my water bottle--startled the hell out of them and made my fucking day each time. I guess if I'd go-pro'd the events I could post them on the tubes for all the zero people who care.

Paul Thober said...

I guess rollerboy boy doesn't know to ride rollers in a doorway where it's much more difficult to fall down.

James said...

nudity is highly underrated.

captcha thinks roller guy has his "sense buzedg".

Bryan said...

I'm thinking roller guy is drunk. The way he gets up, has this kind of, aw just fuck it look....yeah. didn't make any sound at all.

rollers are better than a trainer, but you sure as hell won't find me using either.

grog said...

Glory, We'd love to see you squirting an attacking dog. Maybe Leroy's dog will stage it for you.

Anonymous said...

they guy in the roller fail video looks a bit like peter sagan with slightly inferior bike handling skills.

Anonymous said...

I like the sound the guy makes in the video at 0:30 in the deer video. I keep playing it over and over again, it makes me happy.

Flyover BC said...

That Labrador retriever was admonishing Fred for not wearing a helment.

And, the crash video freaked me out even before the deer jumped into view.

It reminded me of my own pull-of-gravity rides here abouts, the assumption that it wasn't going to end well, and my own recent crash where I didn't hit two dogs. The guy is lucky if he didn't get impaled on an antler too.

Anonymous said...

they call that a Hincapitation

Anonymous said...

Oh deer, oh deer
Deer guy seems to be okay

JB said...

I was just worried that deer bike crash guy was riding on the shoulder when no cars were passing him. I was waiting for a high speed puncture, but I knew it wouldn't happen because after the video Snob mentioned a deer. [spoiler alert!]

Anonymous said...

It's 44 degrees, so cloudy its almost dark, and damp as a well diggers arse here, Spokey. How is it in the Hemmoroids? Not trying to turn this into a weather report, but except for the seasonal extremes, the weather here isn't much different than the NYC area. Of course, we know nothing of snow and ice, except that it happens every once in a while. Sort of like sex.

By the way, the dog incident and the sheriff incident are separated by a couple of months. The couple was arrested last week and are convalescing in a manner to which they are not accustomed in the county lock up.

Anonymous said...

I love it when Freds ignore the first and second rule of riding rollers.

Love the full kit for riding indoors too.

Is roller video Fred pron for 'personal time' a little later?

McFly said...

The roller video is not all bad. I noticed some Asian in the equation.

Anonymous said...

I am shocked that nobody has yet pointed out that roller guy is rocking an Gran Fondo jersey. It might even say Gran Fondo New York City down at the bottom, but I lack the video enhancement skills to tell. Please tell me this took place in a park slope garden apartment when the weather was totally fine for riding outside.

Spokey said...

we've gotten up to the 40s. The whether man says sun this afternoon but not yet and it is starting to get dark. The rain has stopped but it's still a bit breezy.

I used to work with a guy who was on rotation from atlanta. but that was in the late 70s so we were in the global freezing rather than global warming. he used to complain that they got worse ice. no or little snow, but terrible ice. as i went from around 69 to last year without getting stuck in the snow, perhaps snow is better.

i'm fortunate that i've never gone for rollers otherwise that video would probably be my best ride. i got a mag trainer sometime in the early mid-80s. it's a blackburn (I think) and still going strong. so i guess i'm admitting to biekling in the basement.


I've found the water bottle squirt to be effective so far. i don't think i've ever been bitten while riding.

Old-timer said...

..."because neighborhood cycling is mostly just...senior citizens slowly rolling through stop signs..." Huh? What? Stop sign? Where?

Spokey said...

sure looks like grand fondo new york below that horizontal white line

Anonymous said...

The strap in the roller video may be for support, if he would have reached out to grab it.

Or maybe it was for some erotic asphixiation once the roller thing got going. Since this is really just circular wanking, seems plausible.

Lucky he didn't hang himself falling down.

Or maybe he got the Golden Sombrero for faling at all three.

Cum Guzzler said...

I really have nothing to add, but I wanted to comment nonetheless.

The Guzzler

babble on said...

Happy Hanukkah, Snobi Wan. Thanks for the naked. :)

babble on said...

So I couldn't really comment from my iPhone, but from the HTC one, I don't even have to get past the captcha. Sweet. :)

jodphoto said...

Never tried rollers, too scared.

Riding indoors on my trainer is better than sitting on my ass drinking hot cocoa.

I get to try bars, pedals, seats and wierd setups I wouldn't outdoors. Don't need brakes and shit.

Safe to blast music with eyes closed. OK to watch movies and email.

Toilet handy, refrigerator too.

I can ride in my underwear. Haven't tried bare-assed yet. That's just nasty.

Spokey said...

or sitting on your ass on your trainer drinking hot cocoa.

hmmm maybe i'll try sitting on my ass on my trainer having a scotch and soda. anyone up for leaving the bloog to help me out today?

leroy said...

Sorry Mr. Grog, but my dog advises that he does not bite.

That clip always cracks him up.

I can report he attacks on hills.

Flyover BC said...

Riding a trainer = Vuelta de chainring
Vuelta de rueda

Anonymous said...

That deer hit is gonna give me nightmares. Deer have certainly come closest of any animal to causing me to have a severe road rash incident. If not bone breakage. And that was a flying in-your-face hit.

If forced to do a training inside ride, what the hell, it is hot. Wear regular shorts. I have not been forced yet this winter.

And owww again on the deer hit.

Dooth said...

The last time I rode naked I wore two helments.

Anonymous said...

That clip cracks me up too. And this is how I feel, look, and act most days. Emile Flournouy, at your service

1904 Cadardi said...

The bottle squirt works especially well if filled with something of the lemony-lime variety. Woof-woof-wark?

Spokey, who am I to deny a man his drink. So just for you, I'm leaving this blog once for all. At least until tomorrow.

Angry Beaver in Mirimichi said...

Leroy's Dog would never pull a minor league persuit like that, to bland, he has his rep to consider. I would presume Leroy's Dog would pull off an attack on the scale of Pearl Harbor.

Deer Dude, man oh man.

Dog Chase. I was way out in the sticks when two monsters bolted off a farmhouse lawn, fortunately for me they were to stupid to make it a complete sneak attack, their barking alerted me to their attempted attack. A shot of adrenaline sent me flying down the road in a breakaway. One beast gave up their peloton persuit after a hundred meters; the other tried to bridge the gap, then he started to crack. Seeing this I showed my pace just enough to convince the beast to relaunch himself, after fifty meters he started to drop off the back, I slowed again and again he made a half hearted surge for just a moment. Then he collapsed on the pavement, his eyes x's, his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth. I always wondered how Phil Liggett would have described the scene.

Roller Dude. The painting behind him, is that his interpretation of his wife sprawled naked on a bed? If it is he put the rack in the wrong place.

wishiwasmerckx said...

In the roller video, I suspect that the large white string is to a jumbo tampon because that guy is an enormous pussy.

Dave said...

Typical deer encounter today on the W&OD: it saunters out and stops on the trail, watching me approaching with my arm waving and my yells echoing; finally a tiny light goes on and it walks off taking its sweet time. I guess there's not enough hunting around here to keep them in trim. Maybe I'll invest in a pellet pistol.

Stuart said...

Mario Cipollini is on to something. Apparently, female genitals produce their own antibiotic which is so strong, it can kill the staph bacteria. I kid you not. So have you gone down on your girl recently? It's good for you too.

Anonymous said...

Cipo, five years straight. Doesn't he have to come up for air? Even a babe who can swallow has to disconnect for a second or two to catch a gulp.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

When a dog attacks, they tend to on the right side of they bike. When they do, I like to drift over to the left shoulders if possible. With the dog on my right I pray for an oncoming car fora little head on fun.

Spokey said...

thanks 1904

here's to you (as he tips his glen morangie lasant).

i do notice the bottle is mighty light. have to fix that on the morrow. and start doing a breathalyzer on the damn cat.

Anonymous said...

holy deer crap. i've managed to fred my way onto bikesnobnyc. my cycling career has peaked.

thanks to all for the groans, and whatever. truthfully, i'm not sure why i was on the shoulder for that stretch. could have been the annoying cracks in the lane, or the two cars behind me. possibly pure fredism. my shook brain has relegated it to oblivion. bad choice as it turned out.
time for a new helment.

-the deer guy (truly)

Bam Bi said...

Most people hit deer. I tend to hit stags. Just trying to buck the trend.

Anonymous said...

The naked cyclist should be fined for not wearing his right foot.

McFly said...

The Dogs of War called a truce in the chilly West Tn air. There was one or two half-hearted "WOOFS" yesterday but it was Ye Shall Be Allowed to Pass for the most part.

The Deer of Unexpectedness is another story.....that scares me and I am not scared of anything.

Anonymous said...

Sic balls choppy.

- Vern

P. Bateman said...

that deer scared the living shit out of me.

that is definitely not a dog attack.

the roller things looks staged. not sure why you'd stage it, but it is lame. but not quite as lame as the ghastly painting/photo hanging on the wall of the happy couple.

Anonymous said...

Re deer hit - don't ride on the GD shoulder if you can help it. Both the deer and the rider would have had one more valuable moment to see what was coming if the rider had been out in the road.

JB said...

deer guy @ 11:20pm:

Glad you are ok (?). What was the damage (to body and bike)?

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure how one would avoid being hit by the Deer of Unexpectedness. I'm on the lookout for the things, but that's no garuntee of anything. Snob called it. Hoofed Rats, that's about right.

McFly said...

Riding in the road is stupid when you have a perfectly good lil' car-free bike road (shoulder).

babble on said...

I don't like the shoulder, specially in winter, cause it is always so full of crap.

Um, and Spokey? Yer gonna need a healment indoors if you insist on getting into the scotch on yer trainer. Don't even try it on rollers.

Holy moly! New captcha is all tech.

Jlrb said...

Fat bike on rollers from Walmart

Spokey said...

never had nor never will have rollers. i use one of those sort of triangular ones that you clamp your rear axles in to and screw up a friction wheel to your rear tyre. so it's plenty stable. i've leaned over to grab a nearby phone and stuff like that without going over so i think the scotch will be no worse.

i know i'm living dangerously, but hey it gets the adrenalin going.

hey just clicked a large click claiming i'm not a robot. (heh heh heh. wait till snobbie finds out it was really Dors Venabili)

Anonymous said...

'course in non-nanny state US you don't have to where a helmet but you can get shot by your own baby
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