Thursday, September 4, 2014

Don't Believe the Hype: We're (Not) Number One!

I try to take a vacation for a few days and the whole goddamn word goes to crap.

Firsty, yesterday, the Department of Transportation announced that Bicycling has declared New York City the "Top U.S. Cycling City:"

It's one thing to give the overpriced crabon bike that's going to last two years an "Editor's Choice" award or whatever, but anointing New York City as the "Top U.S. Cycling City" is downright irresponsible.  Sure, we've added miles of bike lanes and a bike share program, which is all very nice.  However, we've also got a police force which continues to be downright hostile towards cyclists, and which has repeatedly failed to investigate cyclist and pedestrian deaths.  (Except when they're involved in those deaths, in which case they actively cover them up.)  In fact, this announcement comes right on the heels of a two-week crackdown on cyclists called "Operation Safe Cycle."

And the NYPD is only part of the problem, since even if they do arrest a dangerous driver it's extremely unlikely in this state that the driver will be prosecuted.

Also, let's keep in mind that all these protected bike lanes and other amenities, while laudable, by no means represent what it's like to ride throughout much of the city:

Of course, the DOT had to start building the next generation of bike lanes somewhere, so it makes sense they'd do so with downtown Manhattan, the East River bridges, and western Brooklyn and Queens.  However, it's also worth noting that you can probably no longer afford to live in those areas--and if you can, you're making a conscious lifestyle choice because you think living in Brooklyn is cooler than living in Scarsdale.

Again, everyone involved with all these bike lanes deserves a great big high five, but let's not lose sight of the fact that bike lanes are still mostly a luxury amenity in this town.

Yet ironically, if you're a cyclist who lives in one of these so-called "bike lane deserts," you almost don't want the protected bike lanes to come, because in neighborhoods like these the police at least leave you alone.

And this is just the major stuff!  How is it that the biggest city in America, one with a vast subway system as well as the two largest commuter rail systems in the country, doesn't even have a single train with a goddamn bike hook on it?

The Long Island Railroad and Metro North are potential gateways to amazing all-day cycling adventures, but not when you're only option is to wedge your bike into the handicapped seating area.

I love New York, and I love cycling in New York.  However, even in the most luxurious buffered bike lane, I ride with the knowledge that if a texting SUV driver leaps the divider and takes me out that the best case scenario for me is a New York Post blurb containing the phrases "no criminality suspected" and "the rider was not wearing a helment," as well at least three instances of spelling "pedal" as "peddle."  So until that changes and I feel as "legitimate" on my bike as I do in my car, all of this cutting-edge bike infrastructure is basically just a chic window display at Barneys.

Sure, I do think New York City should be praised (and highly) for its accomplishments to date.  I also realize Bicycling needs to sell magazines, and that one way of doing it is engaging in a "collabo" with America's only "Alpha ++" city.  However, I think the more responsible way of doing it would have been to put us in second place with an asterisk(*) representing our massive failure in placing human lives ahead of driver convenience.

There are few places in the world I'd rather live in New York City, and if you're talking about interesting places to live we're pretty tough to beat, but as far as riding a bike and feeling like a human being goes, Madison, WI beats the living shit out of us any day of the week.

Then, while I'm still reeling, I check my Twitter and see this:

I thought it was very odd the way his bike was spinning away from him, but I don't speak whatever language that is so I just assumed he hit an oil slick--until I read this:

I have no doubt whatsoever that Ryder Hesjedal is "motor doping."  That ain't just gravity.  Look at how the bike scoots away from him for chrissakes!

Come on, that bike is spinning faster than a dog trying to gnaw at its itchy ass.

Then, pathetically, team director Jonathan Vaughters tries to deflect the whole thing with a joke:
Unless you're terminally naive you've learned by now that when pro cyclists dismiss accusations as absurd it means they're true.  Furthermore, Vaughters was pretty quick with that prostate stimulator link, so I imagine he was experimenting with one when he experienced a (rather messy) "Eureka!" moment, and so that device is probably exactly what Garmin's mechanics somehow managed to integrate into Hesjedal's rear hub.

Speaking of prostate stimulation, if all that wasn't enough, Mario Cipollini has released a new video to promote his latest time trial bike.  Sadly, the video cannot be embedded, presumably because of its "Explosive Potential:"

But I can tell you that Cipollini plays a nuclear test pilot who's dressed like a sperm straight out of the early works of Woody Allen:

And who must time-trial before the bike explodes:

Or something:

This is not a well-made film, even by Cipollini standards, and it falls far short of his landmark movie, "Cippolini Bond."  Also, these women are crazy to remove their HazMat suits:

Because while he may not be radioactive, I'm pretty sure Geiger counters don't register the presence of pubic lice.

Hopefully Cipo at least put the prostate stimulator in the seatpost where it belongs.


Bodhi said...


Bodhi said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Quatro amigos!

Buffalo Bill said...

Go Ryder!

cervicalgia said...

I am glad to be coming to the #1 cycling city in the country to ride in the NYC Century this weekend. 3rd year in a row - not bad for an out of towne (NC). Encountered the issue crossing the Bklyn Bridge on a sunny sunday afternoon on the way back to the Prospect Park start in the first year, so this year taking inspiration from many BSNYC posts, and fully living up to my Fred/Cat 6 racer cred, will be returning off-route via the Manhattan Bridge. Wish my scranus luck!

Bodhi said...

interesting places to live we're pretty tough to beat, butas far as riding a bike

What's a "butas"?

Bodhi said...

Is it like a scranus, yet somehow different?

Anonymous said...

pack fodder

streepo said...

I'm number 10!

GreySpoke said...

top ten?

Anonymous said...

Thank Lob you're back.

Anonymous said...

As noted in the link, in the Ryder Hesjedal motor doping video the pedal cranks are not turning. This means the supposed motor(s) has to be in the stays or the wheel hub. That is one small motor(s).

Anonymous said...

You know, Snob keeps saying it's only a matter of time before he gets flattened by an SUV.
Do we have a Blogger-in-Waiting? Is there a succession plan? Does Snobs oldest son take over? Will there be a cage match to the death between Leroy, Mikeweb, Dooth and RetroG to fill the NYC vacancy?

BamaPhred said...

Scranus, Now to read

dnk said...

Prostrate stimulator? Isn't that a scranus tickler?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 11:24am,

How big would it have to be to help?

Not very.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Synonymous said...

Doesn't Cippo know you don't wear white after Labor Day?

3G said...

Scarsdale Surprise!

mikeweb said...

My Gruber-assist was on the fritz.

dancesonpedals said... forgot your spelling on the short graph about the LIRR/ hooks you state "you're only option" (then complain about pedal peddlers in the next graph

welcome back

BamaPhred said...

I loved the "dog trying to gnaw it's itchy ass" reference, the "dog doing the butt drag" reference is so tired and jaded.

Not only did Ryder fall off his e-bike, apparently the motor cycle guy ran over it?

mikeweb said...

I'm calling the department of Homeland Security immediately about this whole Cipollini thing.

P. Bateman said...

wow, the motor in a bike is a real thing.

hmmm. i'm actually a little surprised.

doping i sort of get, but riding a freaking motorcycle? i mean, yeah, i bet i could whip ass in the tour de ____whatever___ on a ducati.

commentatorbot_9q73 said...

Haha. Okay Ryder H has a motor somehow in his rear hub. Where's the battery? In the rear hub too?

There's a reason those integrated electric hubs are ginormous.

If in fact duder had an electric motor, he would ride away from his competitors with ease.

That's not saying I think Ryder wouldn't find a way to cheat. He's already "sorry" Rasmussen outed him.

Enjoy watching pro bike racing like pro wresting and you can't go wrong.

mikeweb said...

Isn't Hesjedal Canadian?

I rest my case.

crosspalms said...

Sounds like bike racing needs more folding chairs.

Fred Nifacent said...

DB - Could we somehow Frankenstein Vito the Helper Monkey? He did some great posts in the past. IT IS ALIVE!!!

Lewison Clark said...

I don't think the cameracycle pilot was expecting the rear wheel to swing around like that. You know, like it was powered by a small motor or something.

Spokey said...

if NYC is #1, it's time to toss the bikes in to the trash and buy another caw. This time it'll be disk all around AND anti-lock breaks.

Paul Bowen said...

That video looks pretty damning. I suppose it's possible, just, that there's some weird camber in the road that the camera's not 'seeing', which accounts for the movement of the bike after it's separated from the rider but really I think you'd be clutching at straws and the only (I think?) other explanation would be that something apart from the chain drive was also powering the back wheel. Having watched it a few times, I wonder if it was accidental activation of whatever the hell is going on there is what brought him off in the first place - they're not climbing, there's no contact, the road is dry and the angle of the turn is nothing dramatic but suddenly a pro rider loses his bike from under him? It happens I know but not often and a sudden and unexpected power surge as he starts to lean in to the turn could well be what makes him slide. Put together with the wildly odd behaviour of the bike on its own...I'm struggling for an innocent, credible, possible sequence of events.

Dave said...

Something forced the bike to spin, just after it had been momentarily stopped as he disengaged himself from it. A few batteries inside the frame could give him a tenth of one percent advantage - more than enough, but not obvious to the naked eye. But you'd want to remember to shut it off going downhill - it probably messed up his intuitive speed/balance calibration.

GreySpoke said...

I guess there will be no more articles from BSNYC in Bicycling anymore???

McFly said...

Are you sure things were not just getting a bit grippy in the descent?

Comment deleted said...

The Hesjedal video is the equivalent of having your "prostate stimulator" go off in your luggage in the TSA line.

Look at him scrambling to grab it before it can incriminate him any further.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...i think the '*' next to NYC #2* should also state that the city's rank is based on seasons... as in the winter, not much effort is put into clearing all the bike lanes from snow and ice...

...all i can say is, now that summer is retreating like cipo's penis back into it's sack after a time trial (read: coitus), i can't wait for the cold to also drive back most of the bike salmon back into their breeding grounds... only then is it completely safe for cyclists to shirk laws....

welcome back

Anonymous said...

So profound yet packed with protein.


Bryan said...

That Cip vid was...horrible! It's funny he thinks he is some sort of action hero, riding the dumbest style bike known to (wo/)man.
I was in Vagina Beach over the weekend, riding an old western flyer with a crapped up stem (the only 1 out of 10 available bikes at the rental house that mostly sorta worked), and a huge group of tridorks went riding by me. I laughed at them and their ridiculousness.
Glad you are back!

jodphoto said...


Welcome back you lazy basterd.

Maybe there's a BB driven gyroscope in the seat tube. No other device could remain invisible and pay for it's weight in power. It could also power the prostate stimulator. which probably over revved causing him to fall down...Think about it.

Why doesn't mayor De Blivio invest in some signage in bike lanes that tell motorists and cyclists safety rules. Now, I know that signs cost money and tickets earn money, but signs educate and save lives. Maybe the NYPD could write tickets for motorists usurping bike lanes. What a bonanza that would be!

But hey, we're already #1. Why gild the lily.

Bryan said...

^Also, I have decided that while a tridork can't stay on their bike without a good chance of falling over, it is the beach cruisers which really earn #1 most annoying person on a bike. I found myself in situations where there were large groups going the correct way with traffic, and equally large groups salmoning their way upstreat....across the damned street from the people who were going the correct way! Then there was sidewalk riding, just not paying attention, etc etc.
Anyone else experience the cruiser crowd over the weekend?

Freddy Murcks said...

My motor is dope.

endo-king said...

Re: Bicycling Stats. All the bike lanes in the world mean squat unless the police enforce laws against drivers who hit bicyclists. Biking in New Haven, CT for 20 years, I've been hit a bunch (like, over ten times) by cars, with attendant ER visits, surgery, etc. Do you think one driver, just ONE driver, got a ticket? Nope. Up here, it's all 'verbal warnings.' While I get to ask the question, 'will I walk again. . . .

Anonymous said...

wildcat, you forgot to mention that you played the NYC Ambassador to Bicycling for their best cities article. So I would call our #1 rating a job well done. No denying that it is getting better to ride a bike here.

550poundsAt1VerticalFeetPerSecondBOT9000 said...

Another way to look at it:

A 125 pound rider on a 15 pound bicycle producing 290 Watts can climb le Alpe dHuez (ignoring mechanical and aerodynamic loses) in:

3514 vertical feet / (290W / 746) * (550/140lbs) = 2,300 seconds

Adding 6 Watts to that:

3514 vertical feet / (296W / 746) * (550 / 140lbs) = 2,254 seconds

…a 46 second advantage.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:15pm,

I have not seen the article yet, but months ago I did tell them pretty much exactly what I said above--that I believe New York City does not deserve top ranking due to the situation with skewed law enforcement.

There is a lot that is amazing about NYC cycling, and much has improved, but victim-blaming has not, and has arguably gotten worse.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

babble on said...

God we missed you... welcome back, snobberdoodums. xo xo

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That is a sad situation.

Welcome back Wildcat.

RoadQueen said...

Top 50.

Glad you're back 'n' stuff. :)

Spokey said...

we have some pretty good shoulders around here in snobbie's scrnus. But I can only think of three roads with official bike lanes. The lanes have signs indicating bike lanes and painted silhouettes in the lanes themselves.

One I'm rarely on but the other two I probably hit a couple times a week. It's rare to ride one or both of these latter and not have to go around some vehicle parked in the bike lane. And that includes the occasional police car. I think at least sometimes they are parked there waiting for speeders.

Interesting enough some of the painted silhouettes are wearing helments and some are not.

commentatorbot_9q73 said...

Ohhh Anonymous,

So a 6 watt motor would increase output by 1.2%.

Not in the real world. The motor has to overcome the mass of the bike and rider first. That's why those 'lectric hubs are so big. They need torque.

Don't forget you need enough stored energy **somewhere** to turn this tiny super-powerful revolutionary motor hidden in the hub. Right now, it's still bulky batteries.

JB said...

"Let’s say someone built a custom motor with double the output of the best commercial unit available, 6 Watts. When trying to win pro road racers produce around 500 watts for maybe 10 to 40 minutes. So a 6 watt motor would increase output by 1.2%"

That's plenty. Half of that would make a difference. I'm guessing this is on par with the advantage from doping.

JB said...

commentatorbot_9q73: The rider's legs are already overcoming the mass of the bike and rider. He's not coasting uphill. The motor would be icing on the cake, pure profit, etc.

I don't know if a 6 W motor is feasible in a hub, but 0.5 to 1% is significant.

JB said...

Let's get to the physics of the video. The rear wheel is pushing the bike in a circle (like Curly). In order for the momentum of the spinning wheel to push the bike, the bike would have to be very very light, otherwise the wheel would just stop from the pavement friction. With the light wheels that are used, the wheel momentum is not much.

Secondly, a heavy wheel would help push the bike forward due to more momentum and available friction force.

So, the combination of a very light bike and a relatively heavy rear wheel would be the best way to achieve what happened in the video (w/o a motor). I don't think the heavy wheel is very likely.

Think about laying you bike on the ground, spinning the rear wheel as fast as you can, and then positioning the bike so the rear wheel touches the pavement. Would it go very far, or would it jump 2 inches as the wheel skidded to a stop?

Conclusion: it's a very weird video.

wishiwasmerckx said...

JB, what was the coefficient of friction for the Spanish macadam on that particular road? The coefficient of friction of asphaltic concrete can vary widely.

McFly said...

Bicycling promo shot.

Front row.

2nd from left.

Strap sandals.

Dark curly lockes.


JB said...

Wish: the problem is that you'd want a low coeff. of friction under the bike/frame and a high coeff. of friction where the tire is touching the road. If it's slippery enough to slide the bike across, then it's slippery enough for the bike tire to slip on the pavement.

Comment deleted said...

wiwm, I think we have to assume a perfectly spherical bicycle, operating in a vacuum.

shining trapezoid said...

Proof-reading, man!

wishiwasmerckx said...

CD, I have a perfectly spherical bike. Is yours a little lumpy?

I also have a perfectly spherical left nut, although the right one is more oblong.

Lastly, only the maid operates the vacuum at my house. That's what she's paid to do. I have more impotent things to do with my time.

Spokey said...

I was thinking that the biggest problem is that too many are required for the conspiracy.

Unlike blood doping where you just need the doctor and the athlete it seems that too many people would be required to implement these extravagant solutions.

Then I remembered we were talking about pro cyclists cheating and I smacked myself on the side of the head and decided to eat lunch figuring my brain must be starved.

Anonymous said...

How about this; the bicycle does not stop and then start sliding/rotating again but it is continuously moving. The motion of the camera on the motorcycle makes it look like the bicycle stops moving, and then when the motorcycle passes the bicycle the bicycle’s movement becomes apparent again?

This is starting to sound like explanations of the Kennedy assassination.

Anonymous said...

NYC being the top US cycling city sounds as reasonable as a Nobel Peace Prize winner ordering assassinations. (wow, there's really supposed to be two "ass"es in that word).

BamaPhred said...

"I try to take a vacation for a few days and the whole goddamn word goes to crap."

Dont Believe the Hype, We're (not) Number One! or, Surfin Bird dumps on NYC.

Unknown said...

Just noticed- his right foot remains clipped in and nearly completely stops the bike from spinning, then pops out and the bike picks up momentum again...

James said...

I'd say Vivax Assist but I don't see the pedals turning.

Spokey said...

at last it hit me.


that's why he went down. and the vibrations of the road combined with a rachet makes the wheel turn and scoot the bike around.

Spokey said...


better start proof reading my posts before going to the robot.

Anonymous said...

Kvetchers will kvetch, and rightly so, but... NYC is #1 in the US, not in some foreign place like Denmark!

Here in Bawstin, one out of for subway lines bans bikes outright; ironically it's called Green (and the bikes clearly aren't). Of course you can take your business elsewhere and ride one of two (2) sections of protected bike lanes, for a total of 1.5 miles. We also have a 5-year plan! (those worked out great in the USSR) - but in the short term, Commonwealth Ave, possibly the widest street in the universe, will not get a protected lane in the planned redesign.

JB said...

common wealth
wealth that is common

-poet lariat, Republic of Scranus

leroy said...

My dog claims Mr. Vaughters is ducking questions about Mr. Hesjedal.

I don't think it will do any good to tell my dog he's interrogating an Invisible Vaughters Doll prototype.

I mean, it looks so real.

Drock said...

My recovery rides are becoming harder than my long rides, should this be the case?
P.s. I finally got the mowers to blow the clippings away from the trail, only cost me two bottles of Evan Williams, down the middle

Spokey said...

boston being worse doesn't make NY #1. It only means NY isn't the worst.

I did read the article.

Their rationale is just plain stupid

"And therein lies one of the major reasons BICYCLING chose the Big Apple as this year's number one. Success here, we strongly believe, will radically speed up the spread of bike share and cycling culture across the country"

So NY is #1 because BICYCLING hopes it will be a role model. Not because it is the best. But because everyone deserves a trophy. What a bunch of losers.

leroy said...

Apparently, my dog didn't have the right link for his Invisible Vaughters Doll.

He says the above should work.

Sometimes he's all paws.

(My dog. Not Mr. Vaughters.)

Paul Bowen said...

Comment deleted @12:33 - I noticed that after posting. Boy he wants that bike back bad!

So if we assume that there was no motor - how do we account for the physics of the bike once separated from the rider?

Anonymous said...

Re : Motors
1 HP motors for model planes and the like fit in the bottom bracket, that's what was suggested in the Spartacus-motor conspiracy a couple years ago . And no not bloody likely in that case either. As for what's after the fall, you fall off a bike at 30MPH and keep sliding, unless you fall straight down and go crunch.

Madison gets better for commuting when the snow falls, most riders quit and the city plows the bike paths first ...

Anonymous said...

Funny how it's called "motor doping." Classic human behavior to express new things in terms of familiar ones - what's funny and sad is that doping is the familiar one.

Anonymous said...

mmm.... bike lane desserts...

Orestes Munn said...

Why has no one proposed that the bike remained still and the universe revolved around it briefly? That's far more parsimonious than the elaborate motor doping theories.

Prostate stimulation? Not living in the cycling Medina of NYC, I had no idea that was a "thing". Having had my prostate "stimulated", as it were, by an examining finger, I'm not sure I'd enjoy having it vibrated or zapped with square-wave pulses, but shakoon assongoo, as they say.

Flyover BC said...

Don't know about perceptions in Knew Yourk, but here fanta se I was thanked for riding a bike, for saving the environment. I told her I only ride to reduce my lardy gutprint, and because I like it.

I thought she was going to kiss me, which would almost like being on a real podium, not counting the champagne, a new jersy and some money.

Anonymous said...

This "motor doping" conspiracy is ridiculous. It's a banked turn!

The only points of contact are the front wheel, which is turned sideways and provides a mostly-fixed pivot point, and the rear wheel, which is free to turn.

The rear of the bike accelerates as it rolls down the embankment because that's how gravity works--you can easily verify this by watching a tennis ball roll down a ramp.

Anonymous said...

Okay, and now I've read the linked article, which says the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Team Borg! Resistance is futile.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Mr. Vaughters has discovered a new power source. Perhaps he is harnessing the power of Mentos and Diet Coke.

crosspalms said...

I bought a kickstand to put on my bike, only to discover that the mounting bolt is too long -- I'll have to trim it with a hacksaw so it'll fit. That depressed me, so the thing's been sitting on my workbench for weeks. If I get one of those motor dopers, will that give me the extra 1.2% of ambition I need to actually get the job done?

BamaPhred said...

This should be fairly easy to replicate

Just spin the rear wheel up to whatever they were descending, lay the bike on it's side, and see what happens.

I would, but not with my bike.
Sounds like a job for the Snob's Specialized Tarmac Taint Walloper.

What could go wrong?

Or as we say, "Hey ya'll, watch this!"

Count of Sprint said...

88 charging my doping motor

Orestes Munn said...

Crosspalms, That sounds like a perfect excuse to buy a new power tool (I'd recommend a Fein Multimaster). Those kickstand bolts are big and hard.

When I locked my bike at work with my U-lock and lost the key, I bought a nice grinder.

Anonymous said...

"1 HP motors for model planes

1 HP? That's not a model that is a drone.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Snob!
Say, we finally got that Saturday deluxe sure-grip suck machine that you ordered.

crosspalms said...

Ringing my bell to start the commuter sprint...

mikeweb said...

My opinion on the Hesjedal viddy:

Why the hell would he even have the motor running - and burning precious battery life - on a WooHoo speed fast descent?

Does not compute.

Anonymous said...

FUCK CANADA!!!...take your stupid leaf patch off your backpack and develop a culture....

furthermore...NYC is the best cycling city in not only America but the world...i covered 4 boroughs and five bridges this morning in under 30 miles.

bike lanes are for woosies

Anonymous said...

"Why the hell would he even have the motor running - and burning precious battery life - on a WooHoo speed fast descent?

The speculation is the system shorted and the motor turned on when the rider was not expecting it, causing him to crash. The short kept the motor running while the bike was on the ground, and the powered rear wheel spun the bike around 180 degrees.

The operative word here in "speculation."

Anonymous said...

Leading out.

BamaPhred said...

Doping battery shorted out

Spokey said...


leroy said...

shocked 99...

Spokey said...

battery is a dope

Spokey said...

centurion arise

once again. all praise almighty lob

Anonymous said...


Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

"The Long Island Railroad and Metro North are potential gateways to amazing all-day cycling adventures, but not when you're only option is to wedge your bike into the handicapped seating area."

Wow, Snobby, you are way off base a out the LIRR.
You are allowed into the handicapped seating area ONLY if you have the requisite paperwork (bicycle permit), are not on a train that arrives at a destination like NYC during peak, operating hours, providing you are not trying to get to a destination like Montauk during the summer, and providing the conductor is one who doesn't have a congenital hard-on against bicycles in general.

jodphoto said...

Re: the 46 second advantage...

You can't simply ignore away mechanical losses.

Plus, you forgot to factor in the weight of the motor and batteries plus any linkage hardware.

It would most certainly be a loss in the end.

jodphoto said...

Or...As the bike hit the ground at speed, the left pedal dug into the ground causing the rear wheel to continue turning.

Scanti-matter said...

The quantum frenzy can cause numerous sequences of string/antistring pairs to erupt and annihilate thus making the existence of a self-propelling bicycle a creation of our own consciousness.

550PoundsAt1VerticalFeetPerSecondBOT9000 said...

"Re: the 46 second advantage...
You can't simply ignore away mechanical losses.

Plus, you forgot to factor in the weight of the motor and batteries plus any linkage hardware.

It would most certainly be a loss in the end."

Mechanical/areodynamic losses should be roughly the same with or without the hidden motor, so the difference would not change much.

Current UCI minimum bike mass is 6.8 kg, about a 15 pound weight. Bikes are weighed during competition and one that weighed MORE than the 15 lbs. minimum would attract suspicion. So if someone did have a hidden motor they would lighten the rest of the bike to offset the motor/battery weight.

Anyway the point of the calculation was to see if what the maximum advantage might be. I think 46 second is likely greater than the real life advantage, but I’m also thinking there is some advantage to even a 6 watt motor.

Anonymous said...

Okay my fellow forensic scientists, I'm pretty sure I've nutted out "the motor doping scandal" and I can report that rider Ryder is innocent!

At about the 5/6 second mark Ryder the rider is sliding on the road carried by his momentum after falling, his right foot still clipped in.

Perplexingly, the instant AFTER un-clipping his right foot (the only foot still clipped in) the bike seems to accelerate. Surely the backwards pressure of un-clipping would slow or even completely arrest the bike's slide!?

However, what we can't see in the video is the saddle on the end of a very long seat post* pressed against his genitalia. After unclipping, Ryder immediately starts rising to his feet. In so doing, he makes a "pelvic thrust" type movement which, with the saddle still pressing against his wedding tackle, propels the bike on its little escapade.

As noted by a couple of my namesakes earlier in the investigation, the bike is pivoting on just the front wheel and is on a steepish embankment facilitating the apparent "acceleration".

I conclude that no cheating has occurred and that Hesjedal has spring loaded testicles.

*As can be clearly evidenced by the video's very last frame.

Anonymous said...

You can thank Janette Sadik-Khan, and the bicycle evangelists for the clampdown, and it ain't gonna cease. Did you actually believe that putting more and more bikes on the streets would NOT result in much stricter enforcement of the traffic laws?

We're at about 1% "mode share" right now and the "advocates" want 6%. Next time you're sitting at a red light getting shoaled by bros on citibikes, think how much FUN it'd be if there were 6x as many.

Holy Roller said...

Lest we not forget the Good Lord and his creation of professional cycling (HE the one who made all things). So what we have here is a miracle! Like the Baby Jesus visage appearing on a grilled cheese sandwich or the vomit stain on a bathroom wall. THIS bike with a life of it's own is just a manifestation of the Holy Spirit blessing a chosen team, sort of like the children of Abraham. Amen

Anonymous said...


So what's the significance of the motorbike running over the bless'd bike? Crucifixion allusion?

Holy Roller said...

Judas can run on four cylinders as well as silver... Wait... The four horsemen on the Apocalypse have just appeared in my Kraft Dinner!

Anonymous said...

I don't have anything to add, I just want to share the robot capcha:


Piss Take said...

Thank you so much for calling out transit agencies on the bike-hook retrofitting of coaches. Sensible and low-cost with greater capacity for the same space(and a teeny boost to their insurance (until the actuaries get stats).

Spaced said...

Holy Roller:

hor semen?

JLRB said...

A tale of two vacations.

1. Returning from the mile high state sans epic ride we got happy posts.

2. Returning from a Labor Day get away we are dealt angry snob semi-rant.


Olle Nilsson said...

Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on the motor thing. You're told to look for it, so you see it. I saw it too, but cameras notoriously flatten grades and the camber of the turn.

Now, how the hell did he catch up to the breakaway group again after having to wait for a new bike? Obviously the replacement bike had a motor. Think about it: if you have to swap bikes, you're going to need to catch up to get back in the race. The backup bike is where you really need it.

McFly said...

I thought drag coefficient was the number of girls I hit on in a bar that are actually dudes in relation to the ones that are real women. With vaginas.

commentatorbot_0384 said...

the bike is pivoting on just the front wheel and is on a steepish embankment facilitating the apparent "acceleration".

Hear, hear!

Video is remarkably bad at displaying slope. I discovered this the first time I went skiing.

JLRB said...

just viewed the video - I don't get the motor conspiracy vibe - must be the IPAs

Anonymous said...

Night falls. Scranus calls...

Anonymous said...

mikeweb @4:51

He could have engaged the motor to use for charging the battery.. AKA Prius style...


David Pearce said...

Dear Mr. Rock Machine,

I don't know who else has posted about this, and right now, my eyes are WAY too blurry to find out, but I am sad (Saud?) about this:

"I try to take a vacation for a few days and the whole goddamn WORD goes to crap.

I get it. The Bible means nothing any more. God took back the word. And anyway, the word was not good. The Apocalypse is on us.

David Pearce,
Assistant Regional Manager, Mid-Atlantic Division

mile high state said...

JLRB, indeed.

Notsosanta Klaus said...

We might just underestimate the steepness of the decline.
After all the motorcycle (camera man) and the bicycle are
moving on the same plane.
So lets just say: It’s the slippery slope which makes his bicycle

Anonymous said...

To what Anon 3:24 PM said I would add that we don't know what his left, unclipped foot is up to.

Doesn't it push onto the top tube while unclipping the right shoe and thus putting the force to start the momentum?

Someone find a google rue vista of that exact spot and level the decline.

grog said...

This explains why my cycle friends move to Madison.

El esnob de bicicleta de España said...

"Someone find a google rue vista...

En España se dice "calle vista".

Anonymous said...


JB said...

The Worst Road Users, Ranked

dop said...

12:41...I need a quiz..

David Pearce said...

Frankly, I think you've got to admire Cipollini just for the sheer chutzpah of HIM.

It's ridiculous, but I find myself admiring him/it for the sheer ridiculousness of it all. He's recognized himself as THE product, and by god, he knows he needs to sell the crap out of it, and he's doing it.

I wonder what it feels like to have that much testosterone in your body? It must feel fantastic, completely blinding you to anyone else wondering if you've lost your mind.

David Pearce said...




Tick-tock, Doc.....

Making my own games:

Anti-robot: 2911 Confidence level: 100%

Anonymous said...

at 6:44 PM

Got it.

Filth detected elsewhere.

AaronKent said...

Bike Snob. You wholly participated in this interview. I thought it was a pretty disneyland rendition of how NYC cycling really is (17 yers here myself) Seems like just a payoff frm a publishing company to basically be a shill, shuttiling another shill around the city, telling him Lance Armstrong stories,

David G said...

Other than vomiting after I read about the NYPD covering up its killing of that student from Japan, I enjoyed this "blog" posting. Good work.

obat usus buntu said...

cycling city in the country to ride in the NYC Century this weekend. 3rd year in a row - not bad for an out of towne

Anonymous said...

As this is comment # eightthousandandsomething and a few days late it will make no difference but . . .

The comparison to Madison is interesting. I have often had this rumbling around my vast empty and wondered what the difference is. At first I thought it the large numbers of citizens (students in the case of Madison) without cars that made Madison such a rideable city. But then, what is NYC if not light on car ownership?

The only thing I can come up with is 'State Street' That one of the main city streets is closed to traffic sets a tone and also provides inhabitants with the advantages of getting out of their cars and walking and riding streets that sets a different hierarchy.

Well, that and the fact that Madison, despite national tendencies, has a police force culture that is distinctly non-dickhead.

Ben (sometimes Madison)

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