Friday, January 20, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz and Fun Announcement! (100% inorganic)

Firstly, I'd humbly request that you mark the following date in your calendars, "Palm Pilots," or prison wall tally marks:

Monday, January 30th, 2012

(That's planet Earth years, by the way. I'm finally off the Venusian calendar since I kept showing up 140.3 Earth days early for appointments.)

The reason I'd like you to make note of this date is because it's the date I'll be resuming regular updates of this blog. In the meantime, I will not be posting. However, I can assure you I will not be idle during that time. I mean, I won't be working, inasmuch as it would be silly to call whatever it is that I do "work," but I will still be doing the same non-work I usually do. See, like Comicus, I like to think of myself as a "stand-up philosopher"--or if you prefer, a "bullshit artist:"

The fact of the matter is that I will be "bullshitting" every day next week. However, that bullshit will not be posted immediately to this blog but will instead be made available for perusal at some later date. I apologize for this inconvenience (unless of course you hate this blog, in which case you're welcome), but such is the life of a bullshit artist, and it will all be worth it in the end. Or not. Either way, I look forward to returning on Monday, January 30th with regular updates.

Moving on, yesterday I mentioned some self-important Portlanders (yes, I realize how redundant that phrase is) who took their self-importance and lack of useful practical knowledge to the poor uncool people of the south, and similarly a reader has forwarded me this video of some people who live in Brooklyn (I hesitate to call them "Brooklynites") who were kind enough to present the backward folk of Virginia with the sleep-inducing gift of minimalist percussion:

Their group is called "Mantra Percussion:"

Though the really should think about changing it to "Men Without Girlfriends:"

Here's their leader, embittered former professional cyclist Floyd Landis:

And here's what people look like while listening to them:

("I'd request 'Freebird' ironically but I'm far too nonplussed.")

As for the music itself, to call the piece a "composition" seems grossly unfair. Really, even the word "music" is a stretch. This is more the kind of thing you're likely to hear played on a loop when you go to a MFA exhibit and one of the installations is a multimedia experience based on the artist's inability to reconcile that time the cat ate their hamster, or the morning they walked in on their parents having sex, or some other middle-class suburban childhood trauma.

Also, if you're wondering why they went from Brooklyn all the way to a Lowe's in Virginia instead of just performing at the Brooklyn Lowe's, I suspect it's either because it's probably too hard to get a gig at the Brooklyn Lowe's now (I hear they have a talent booker), or else it was Sukkot and there was a run on two-by-fours.

Meanwhile, a reader tells me those Budnitz bikes continue to get attention:

Let's fire up the BSNYC Enlarge-A-Nator for a closer look at that caption:

Firstly, it's not a "break lever," unless it's designed so that the moment you pull it the bike falls apart. (Actually, I wouldn't put such a feature past this Budnitz character). Secondly, it's not his name, it's the name he just happens to share with the company that made the lever. Then again, I'm starting to see how easy it is to dupe the dimwitted design community, so maybe Budnitz should just change his name to Paul Chris King Gates Schwalbe-Lynskey so he can take credit for the entire thing. I mean, they're already giving him credit for the concept of an attractive bike:

The progressions in bicycle design have been limited to high-end manufacturers creating ever more lightweight (and often ugly) machines designed for road racing, rather than reflecting the aesthetic concerns of the owner. In America especially, the great period of beautifully designed utility bicycles all but died after Peter ‘Bullit’ Yates’ 1979 bikecentric coming of age movie Breaking Away, after which everyone, it seemed, wanted a race bike and manufacturers responded accordingly.

Towards the tail end of last year that balance shifted however, when serial entrepreneur Paul Budnitz entered the market.

This would come as news to the roughly 90,000 bike builders in Portland alone who have been doing this for years.

The article also makes some astute technical observations:

...a carbon belt drive chain negates the need for lubricant, keeping clothes clean and chain on the bike - not wrapped around your ankles.

I'm not sure what that means, but if your pants keep winding up around your ankles when you ride then you are grossly misinterpreting what it means to "lube your chain:"

(Stopping for some mid-ride "drivetrain maintenance.")

And Budnitz himself also adds his own contribution to the canon of great frame material myths:

"Also, as well as being lighter, titanium is harder than steel and it’s a great material for riding on so there’s a sense of completeness."

If Budnitz was experiencing a sense of incompleteness prior to obtaining a titanium bicycle then he may have been riding a bike without a seat.

Penultimately, in entertainment news, from another reader comes this gripping film trailer:

I AM NOT A HIPSTER (the movie) from Destin Daniel Cretton on Vimeo.

Sure you're not.

And ultimately, from still yet another reader comes a music video which I found entertaining:

I recommend he seek out a titanium bicycle for a sense of completeness.

Post-ultimately, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the question, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll experience a sense of completeness, and if you're wrong you'll see a commercial for a high-performance mountaining bicycle.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and I look forward to returning on the 30th.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) What are they staring at?

(They may dress funny, but you can't put one over on the British.)

2) Amazingly, it turns out it's actually possible to enjoy riding two different types of bicycles.

(The visor is the yarmulke of the douchebag set.)

3) Which is not a tenet of the "Holstee Manifesto?"

--"Getting lost will help you find yourself."
--"If you don't like your job, quit."
--"Live your dream and share your passion."
--"If life doesn't give you what you want, stomp your feet a lot and cry."

4) Shane Warne is:

(Book of Moron: Gentrification missionaries spreading the Gospel of Bullshit to America's uncool.)

5) In which of the following ways were the Portland hipster migrant workers mistreated by their cruel organic farming overlords?

6) "Bi-keen" and beekeeping, together at last! Must be:

(Creepy wet bearded man stalks mother in supermarket.)

"You were in the bulk aisle. Tall, red-head, absolutely gorgeous, dinosaur son in the cart. I was bearded and soggy from the bike ride, just needed some oranges and some almonds. You said, "Now let's pick out some snacks for... me." You hesitated on that part, like you were going to say mommy, but caught yourself. It was cute. Seriously, I feel sorry for your kid. His friends are all going to crush on you hard. Hell, I'm going to crush on you hard."

7) In Portland, cycling can apparently cause you to grow a beard.

***Special Law Enforcement-Themed Bonus Question***

"Back in the day," bike cops weren't afraid to "get rad."



1 – 200 of 240   Newer›   Newest»
pebes said...


pebes said...


Leifer said...

pebes you cant finish 2nd and 3rd

Anonymous said...

Top dix.

poole said...

ooh la la

Kenny said...

I am not proud to be an inhabitant of the great Commonwealth of Virginia right now.

And I think I'll be avoiding all Lowe's stores from here on out...

Anonymous said...


theEel said...


Anonymous said...

Top ten!!!

Anonymous said...

Angry Beaver Scranus!

shu-sin said...

get rad!

jno62 said...

Have a nice break Snob.
I'll be recovering from knee surgery on the 27th. I'd appreciate it if you could get back to "work" then.


Anonymous said...

spotted a bumpersticker today on a certain spicy bavarian suv:


Bob said...

Peleton. Where's my shit bike?

Etherhuffer said...

Organic Scranus.

crosspalms said...

My new movie will be "Braking Away." If Leroy's dog wants to make "Barking Away," I'll tell my lawyers to stand down.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Re: bonus question

Isn't it actually safer to ride with no front wheel than with a Spinergy front wheel?

mr. Wookie said...

Brake fest is the most important squeal of the day

Anonymous said...

I was eating cat food burritos before they were cool.

g said...

Dammit! I just got back and now you're leaving? We need to better align our calendars.
See you in a week.

Awesomes said...

Interesting more makes this should we.

Buy-cycle said...

Top 25? Have a good holiday snob, be sure to moisturise your scranus.

Anonymous said...

Expensive bikes are the norm
the silly ones inspire scorn

Paul Budnitz bikes inspire shame
Doesn't stop him from making a name

He knows he lacks useful skills
his products are now social ills

In America we reward such failures
evidenced by Will Smith's trailer

Billy said...

First time on the podium! I let it be for the top 10 though, while I read and watched all the videos.

Pacific Blue is is totally sweet. Haven't seen that before. Now I want to watch some whole episodes. Hah.

7/8 on the quiz. Can't believe the beekeeper is in Chicago. I should have noticed Portland was listed twice.

"mid-ride drivetrain maintenance" - Gold! I totally LOLed.

misster-PISSTA aka eriK Zo said...

read? I didnt even wait for the pictures to load...

of the back? or mid pack

Anonymous said...

It was moist out there today. Now I need to go lube my chain.

Anonymous said...

Was Hans Rey in that film "The Room"?

"Oh hi Steve, I am so glad you are my friend."

misster-PISSTA aka eriK Zo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I know this is the sort of thing you've been railing against since your blogs inception, but the line about how everybody wanted a race bike after the 1979 film "Breaking Away" is especially galling.

I recall the 70's as the era of the Myata and the Peugeot. Hell, where I live there was already a cyclocros scene in the late 70's.

That writer is an ignorant turd.

Anonymous said...

100% on the quiz. No cheating either!

See you in week Snobbie.

The King of Park Slope said...

At :49 the gentleman who claims not to be a hipster appears to be striking a golf ball.

Dear God, please don't let golf be the next ironic hipster pursuit.

sweatpants cyclist said...

@ Anonymous 12:34 PM

Appropriate responses to that bumper sticker include "WHO'S YOUR SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT OPERATOR?" or "WHO'S YOUR OIL REFINER?" or "WHO'S YOUR SUBWAY(R) SANDWICH ARTIST?"

Marcel Da Chump said...

The 30th?...stomping feet and crying a lot...

Test Tickle said...

"Stopping for some mid-ride "drivetrain maintenance.")"

I like to refer to this as "THE NATURE BEAT."

Or, if you prefer for tatts:


balls (*OG)

Anonymous said...

Re: Guardian article. Hilarious. I don't understand this kind of self-imposed cognitive dissonance. It's like that line from the Ghost World comic where one of the girls says she wouldn't want an old car because then you have to maintain this whole period-correct image, with a certain hairstyle and clothes. Or like my old roommate who would go on 5 mile jogs in Chuck Taylors and eventually tore up his knees.

un-anonymous said...

The comments section of the Phaidon article looks to see some carnage. And atypically un-anonymous at that.

Anonymous said...

Belt drive chain. What's that all about, then?

Make your mind up, ya fud.

hey nonny mouse

Matt said...

Yeah, Snobbie, I know you're young, but the whole racing bike thing was big from the early 1970s, well before Braking Away came out. That particular Bike Boom was long over before the movie came out.

I don't know why Budnutz is going on about the hardness of titanium vs. steel. Strength might matter, or corrosion resistance, but hardness is about as relevant as melting point to the cyclist.

Sadly, the douchey catalogue (<--douchey spelling of "catalog") doesn't seem to have a comments section.

Velocodger said...

I'm reminded of the "paté" in the movie "Mr Ibrahim". It was cat food too.

Christo said...

Not only do we have douchebags like Shane Warne, we also have repeat sex offenders ramming female cyclists with the intent of abducting them only being charged with negligent driving.

Thankfully in this case, the police sided with the cyclist.

JB said...

repeat sex offenders ramming female cyclists

I saw a movie like that once. It was consensual though. This guy should be hung by his scranus until dead.

Olle Nilsson said...

Had to keep skipping through the Lowe's video, but that employee checking her phone at the end summed it up for me.

yogisurf said...

Deprived scranus. TEN days Snobby??? Should we click thru the ads a few extra times?

Anonymous said...

Hey man its the weekend.
Double up on the pussy tacos.

Anonymous said...


Hans said...

"Be careful mister flashy pants!"

Anonymous said...

Damn, gonna miss the regular updates.

This blog and the Daily Show is where I get all my news.

Anonymous Coward said...

Favorite quote from the Mantra vid "as percussionists we would beat on stuff as young children". I bet.

grog said...

JB, i saw that movie too.

Snobby, I always cheat on the quizzes. OK if we just have an open relationship? Cool.


Anonymous said...

those are good. I had only just started to want to be alive when I saw the krautfarmersdottirlover, midway through my first mug of coffee. had I the wits i would have simply mashed the back of the thing up with what i was driving, and then asked these things, along with
the last one would no doubt lead to an interesting conversation, as knowing who grows ones WEDS WEED is vital.

Anonymous Coward said...

Perfect score!

Oh, and that dude in the vid may not be a hipster, but he is wearing the uniform.

Jasper said...

Somehow going from Breaking Away road bike envy to Budnitz fever seems to be overlooking the mountain bike decades...

@ The King of Park Slope:

Golf as the next hipster pursuit, wonderful, it will be like herding them into reservations and out of our hair...and they can fret about fashion choices even more than they do now.

@misster-PISSTA said...

read? I didnt even wait for the pictures to load...

of the back? or mid pack

You didn't wait for the comments to load either, did you?

Matt said...

Those cat food burritos don't taste like much but on the other hand my hairball problem has totally cleared up.

Anonymous said...

Damn, if it wasn't for super sick mountain biking videos, I'd go crazy during the winter. They make me feel slightly undergunned sometimes though. Almost like I need to upgrade to front disk breaks, dual shock units, and full SPD gearing. 21 speeds must be sick!

The Dude said...


don the cyclist said...

huffy was still making bikes in ohio in the 80's.not race bikes.

McFly said...


donjulio said...

Yeah it's old school, but SPD gearing was pretty rad back in the day. Just like Dual-Control or Rapid-Rise, it did take a little getting used to. If I remember correctly, it would mis-shift if it wasn't adjusted just right. A little turn of the 2 mil would bring ya right back, smooth as silk.

Tommy said...

Cat food burritos? Sorry, I didn't read yesterdays post.

YES Cat Food said...

GO fucken' read yesterdays post.
You will like it.
Funny it was.

That is all.

Simpler Times said...

I'm watching Mary Tyler Moore.

She's hot.

Anonymous said...

Is that Phaidon dipshit calling my Ridley ugly? Eff that hipster shit!

leroy said...

Shawty had them apple bottom jeans (jeans)
Boots with the fur (with the fur)
The whole club was looking at her
She hit the flo' (she hit the flo')
Next thing you know
Shawty's at Lowes, Lowes, Lowes, Lowes, Lowes, Lowes, Lowes, Lowes.

Ride warm all! (Because the temperature's going to get ... oh never mind.)

kfg said...

Ahhhh, Hercules. Another grand old name yanked from its grave, dressed up in clown clothes and paraded around for our amusement.

And isn't it really an off roadeo.

And I wonder if Grant Petersen knows the Specialized lawyers. Looks to be an easy buck to made there, and from what I can tell by his writings of late he needs it.

Paul Bowen said...

Damn you, bees!

David said...

Dear fellow Snob addicts,
Contemplating the hiatus, I've assembled a list of points to remember to help us make it to the next fix:
1. Hipsters are douches.
2. Minimalists are douches.
3. People who run over cyclists are douches.
4. Douches are douches.
5. People who ride all winter are douches.
6. People who never ride in the winter are douches.
7. People who think the world is going to end in 2012 are douches.
People who don't know it's 2012 are douches.
8. People who confuse 2x4s with musical instruments are douches.
9. People who don't know what sukkot is are douches.
10. People who make lists of who's a douche are douches.
11. Politicians are douches.
12. Cops are douches.
13. SUV drivers are douches.
14. Fixie hillbombers are douches.
15. I can't think of anyone else to put on the list, but they're probably douches, too.

Anonymous said...

Titanium is not harder, or stronger than steel.

Budnitz doesnt know shit.

Titanium is from old russian submarines?

Velocodger said...

@ Mr King of Park Slope. Hipsters playing golf is not only likely, it is effen' inevitable, given the social class they spring from. The golf bags will come out at the same time as their beer bellies begin to appear. Coincidence? I think not!

mikeweb said...

Nameless copy-paster on Phaidon site hasn't changed 'break' to brake after 24+ hours.

"Cleanup in aisle douche!!"

Jasper said...

@Doug - hipsters with beer bellies... sigh, I guess it is inevitable, but really the only thing that is marginally tolerable about hipsters is their skinny-enough-to-snap-in-two waifishness (and that's just the boys, of course).

Pekar said...

Hey Virginia!
Watch me beat my wood!

Art Wood said...

beating wood
we're beating wood
look at us!
we're beating wood!

we'll beat wood
better than a woodpecker could

beating wood
we're beating wood
look at us!
we're beating wood!

we'll answer for good
how the woodchuck could chuck wood

Art Wood said...

beating wood
we're beating wood
look at us!
we're beating wood!

we're going to play Songs From the Wood
to put you in that Jethro Tull mood

Art Wood said...

beating wood
we're beating wood
look at us!
we're beating wood!

isn't it good?
Norwegian wood

Anonymous said...

Budnitz doesn't need to know about materials or sex.
When you are the master, you just master shit.

Pay attention youth...titanium was number one and two (also used in soviet rockets).
Next we will have a guy like Jed from the Beverly Hillbillies wittle rims out of hickory.
Finally we will commission artists to custom design your ass pad. (that was really first)

So this is the Bundwitz objective and it is totally normal for me to be speaking in third person.

Anonymous said...

@ David

16. People who ride crabons are douches. (I know, I´m one, though only since last week)

Eurodude said...

Ahhh, sunday evening, time for doobie. And only 24 hours till the next Snob post.
Whoops, wait a minute... oh fuck it, I´ll just have another spliff

Woody said...

They're playing my song.

Lowes Employee said...

Why must I watch them beat wood?

2wheeler said...

I believe there has been too much "grammatical humour" lately. Grammatical humour is to comedy what a discussion of head tube angles is to biking. Lame-o! Maybe this is funnier to you and your high minded literary cohorts?

Fixed Gear said...

Lol Hipsters lol!

Anonymous said...

Banged a gal and she was horizontally good
Then my brother found out she was vertical good
She mikvmhgt be so good both ways and some other ways.
Is if me or Yuri thAt is the right man?!

MTBer said...

Who said you need a mountain to do some nice DH?

Anonymous said...

Hey buddy

When the Budnitz talks about wood it is curvy and interesting in a Lolo Ferrari kind of way....big wooood.

You wittlers should take a seat and see what the real Budnitz is carving.

Anonymous said...

Has Budnitz turned into the Big Lebowski?

Anonymous said...

We designed a nose cone similar to the shiv.
It is called the Budnitz Dick Crown Pussy Shiver.

**Anal Shiver will be releasing later this year.

Keep it looking fresh

Kid Charlemagne said...

Kid Robot? You must be kidding.

In other news, there was no gas in the car.

Woodson said...


Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz has finally designed the first Brooks 'Giggly-Gel' saddle cover.
Limited edition.
The Budnitz wants to make your conch happy!

And I will also be releasing custom bar pads.
Check the web for details.

Anonymous said...

Please stop Budnitz!
We all watched Fasttimes at Ridgemont High.
Done hamburger bun!

Ajá said...

Kid Charlemagne,
Did you realize,
you were Italian
in their eyes?

Anonymous said...

So now the Bunditz wonders if some one told some one about my radical idea for checkered bike pads?

It is not wise to mess with the Bunditz!

Anonymous said...

I thought that Kid Robot guy should have kept on the fixies. That was pretty dope shit. And it also represented people that were going for it and throwing down in the city. I would spend a pretty Pennie on a ltd ed pie plate or a wicked ass disc wheel.
Come back bro we are here for you!

Anonymous said...

In a moment of clarity on the shitter, the Bunditz came up with a new design for valve caps.


Not real dice, but rather little fuzzy dice.
This is a Bunditz Breakthrough. (trademarked)

Anonymous said...

What is with all this crazy talk?
Who is the Budnitz?
Where did BSNYC go?

Anonymous said...

Crystal 8 ball is pure magic!!!
Vegan tacos it is.

Anonymous said...

Steely Dan from Yokohama, I do not understand the references...

wishiwasmerckx said...


Sucks having to actually do work at work instead of foffing off on this site all the livelong day, doesn't it?

Nicholas said...

The Tool Time Band played better music with 2x4s then those DBs

Pretzel Logic said...

Anon 5:00,
they're lyrics from an aforementioned song/commenter name. You figure it out.

Anonymous said...

Pretzel Logic

Why are you asking about my dick size?

PostsWithManyNames said...

A whole week of Budnitz jokes until snob gets back.
Sounds like an acceptable substitute. The comments section is half the fun anyway.
Well at most 49%. Never half now that I think of it. Amazing consistency this BSNYC does possess.

Anonymous said...

There are doo'rs in the world and a bunch of woosies that don't do shit.

Which side you on son?
If you are getting a tattoo of a salmon near your loin I will kick your ass around the block backwards.

Anonymous said...

Budnitz hard a really hard moment of thought.
Similar to lighting farts.
Anyone do that?

So it was a big idea and then puummph.


The Bunditz will let you know where the gas has gone.

Anonymous said...

Why is Paul Budnitz bombing this sitte? Wack asss?

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz will make you feel good about feeding your children cream of corn.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz will let you say uncle only when he is around.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz looks for the strong and preys on the weak.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz has no fury until it is whipped up into a fantastic malt shake.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz is blind to manmembers that just exited the hot tub.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz has telopathetic insight.

Anonymous said...

The Bunditz delivers big time.

Anonymous said...

The Bunditz farts and all the ladies in the house say 'retarded'.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit! Is the Budnitz Rodney Dangerfield reborn?
Is this the real guy?
I am thinking not, however it sounds the same.

Anonymous said...

It's a faker jack. You can tell when the post it up.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz might cut down some wood in your woods with diamond blades and people wearing sweet masks.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz dick is dead to lame ideas.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz needs air and will come up with a plan to suck it out of your lungs.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz was never called a Pudwacker you shit ass bitch.

Pretzel Logic said...

Anon 5:24,
because you have that number which

Ricky lost--

you might use it--if you feel better,

when you get home.

Anonymous said...

This all seems kind of nutty. What do you guys do to train And get faster?

Anonymous said...

It is pertinant that you know how to wittle wood prior to shooting hoops and banging ho's.

The word by Budnitz.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz would feel better if you make it a pussy pie with sparklers and whipped titty macaroon.

Anonymous said...

These people are morons!!?
Bring on the races!!!

Anonymous said...

This is really not a big deal. I had three older brothers N I would beat them hard.
It is embarrassing for a man to cry to mommy with a cooter choke out.

Ankles in Chains said...

The Holstee manifesto has unspoken tenet:
poultry sacrifice. You must bite off the head
of a chicken and drink the blood simple.

Anonymous said...

This is not a great place to hook up!!!'n thanks janice!

Beat Wood Manifesto said...

cock women who suck love

Anonymous said...

The smashmanfasfic thing about the Bunditz is the proprietary Glory Hole.

No lube

When Kira comes over and Budnitz steps over, you stick it on in.

Mantra Percussion said...

beat your morning wood

Ralph (pronounced Rafe) said...

Kid Robot sex toys don't work

Famko said...

Succatash sufferers,
Budnitz is working on a cure.

CollectAll...EverythingIMake said...

Budnitz budnitz budnitz
saved the cycle consumer
one adult vinyl action figure at a time.

cramitsucko said...


cramitsucko said...

I just lost all respect for Hans Rey, that was simply awful.

Anonymous said...

Where do I sign up for the Budnitz Buttmunch Camp?
Are undies optional?

Long live BBC!

Anonymous said...

I was a victim of the Kid Robot madness and I thought I would get the golden ticket like Charlie in willy wonka and I don't believe there were any golden tickets made and if there were would I end up in china in a small swear house with dirt floors and grandma sleeping next to me an my fifty cousins searching for some bones that he dogs dragged in to make a broth to cure the cough I have from melting the vinyl that make the money to spin the trick wheels on the bling machine that is hidden in a Boulder garage and is taken out for special occasion like the pope mobile with more chrome because chrome is king unless you have a lot of gold.

SoundsGood said...

That run on sentence says it all aboot Budnitz.

Looks like it's the rest of the week taking one line cheap shots at budnitz.

You smell like cabbage soup the olde people kind!

And I spelled your name wrong.

The Good, The Bad + The Budnitz said...

"Hey Blond!! You know what you are?!?!"

One line cheap shot @ budnitz said...

come on, budnitz, defend are you too busy with your toys?

The Great Budnitz said...

Silence!!! You cacophonous lot of rabble!

I search the world for the best of ideas and items and make them my own. I slay thee with my eye, my taste, my sense of self. For I am the great procurer and you, you are inferior consumers all! For that you will pay, oh will you pay!

Nemo said...

The correct answer to the Cavendish question is:

I’m at the airport. No I don’t have 3 heads. It’s called an ego. Yes, it’s big. I have an entire country in it. Stop staring at it please.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz will bring the fury in the form of a snowcone flavored with coconut and pineapple.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz has the answers to all of your silly questions...raised donut with sky blue frosting and rainbow sprinkles.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz needs to get back to working on his breakthrough paper airplane book.
Peace out bitches!

BetterThanBuntidz said...

I just "got rad" with wednesday weed.
Teh Awesomez.

Anonymous said...

thanks man ,,,

I'mAPoetAnMyDegreeShowIT said...

Hey I just fell off a limited edition turnip truck. Anyone know where I can get a Budnitz burlap sack?

Drinking at Work said...


Anonymous said...

Whatz the shizz?
I have a couple of tickets to the Kings of Leon in Toronto that are now avaiable.

Drunk said...

only a matter of time before...

Budnitz Beer!

Eurodude said...

it´s now wednesday here, and I have no weed :-(

SpeciaLIEZ! said...

I'm calling BULLSHIT on the new specialized Crux ad running on Cyclingnews.
Just because Stybar is the world champ does NOT mean you get rainbow stripes to sell that crummy piece of low BB long wheelbase garbage that masquerades as a cyclocross bicycle because, get this, Stybar won the World Cyclocross Championship on a fucken' RIDLEY.

You can dress up his bike in rainbow stripes but you didn't buy his championship ride.

Can't trust em'.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz has designed the first ever 'beaver fur fuzzy dice valve caps'. These are exclusive to the one and two.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz is working like a beaver on a ground breaking fanny pack water containment and delivery system. Looking into the name 'Slurpee'. Does 7-11 still own it?

bikesgonewild said...

...suck a dick, budniche...

Gerngross said...


TheRealBudnitzStandingUp said...

Hey guys,
You are really hurting my feelings. I though different size wheels would get me acceptance. The fixie kids liked my other bikes. Why are you adults so hard to please.
I'm going back to slave labor vinyl dolls for boys with everything.

John Michael Swartz said...

Sorry Snob, but your review of the musical performance lacks the usual insightful scathingness you normally bring to examples of what you consider to be cultural excess or self-aggrandizing mediocrity. You're taking aim at a very sincere and hard-working culture of post-classical concert musicians and composers who have struggled to keep some semblance of their craft alive and relevant for the past 40 years.

You may not like minimalist music, fine. But I think it's really disingenuous characterize these composers or performers bullshitting slackers just because they have a passing resemblance to the superficial cultural faddists I know we all despise.

You know why they're playing in Virginia? Probably for the same reasons you have to travel all over the country to sell your book. It's called touring, AKA "going to where people will pay you a pittance to do the thing that you love." It's not glamorous (even if NPR is filming you) and it's not easy, especially not for musicians and composers.

That's all. I just want to keep you from becoming a pithy phillistine when you're normally an insightful satirist.

PostsWithManyNames said...

I love when the comments section complains to WCRM.
SO over your head defender of the arts.

Fartsy said...

a wood beater is a wood beater
whether classically trained
or just plain insane
whether ironic
or moronic

Ridleys Rock! said...

I love all three of mine. They're all classic red, black, and white as well. Eff Specialized!

Anonymous said...

I think I just read a post from the loneliest whistling orchestra...someone cue the spaghetti western Wha Whaa Wha.

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

@John Michael Swartz:

+1, although I don't blame the Snob for not getting it. I think it's a safe bet that Mantra Percussion has gotten more scathing and immediate reviews, so there's no point getting on a high horse.

classically trained woodbeater said...

My instructor, Comicus, was a firm believer in wood treatments. "A good shellac makes for smoother strokes", he always said. But he also liked to say, "it's good to be the King". I never understood that one.

Oboe said...

Steve Reich, Philip Glass: They got their musical chops beatin' wood.

Light a candle, put the lock upon the door said...

Donald Fagen is a self-professed JazzSnob which ergo makes him a fool to do yo dirtywork, oh yeah, he don't want to do yo dirtywork, oh no.

wishiwasmerckx said...

John Michael Schwartz, BSNYC as a Philistine? Sir, I have always considered him more of a Hittite, or perhaps a Midianite, Edomite or Amelekite or maybe even Chaldean, but never a Philistine.

Nothing Going On said...

Poopy Doodles.

SomeoneGetThisRobotABEER said...

100% inorganic poopy doodles.

Gadd said...

Fagen can't buy a thrill (just like Dylan)

he's left reelin'in the years

John Wesley Harding hooked him

Gaucho said...

the Love Unlimited Orchestra

blew woodwind instruments

Mantra Percussion beat 2 x 4's

Anonymous said...

Sorry Snob, but your review of the performance masturbation lacks the usual masturbatory insight you normally bring to examples of what you consider to be cultural excess masturbation or self-aggrandizing mediocrity masturbation. You're taking aim at very sincere and hard-working masturbators of post-classical masturbation and masturbators who have struggled to keep some semblance of their craft alive and relevant for the past 40 years.

You may not like minimalist masturbation, fine. But I think it's really disingenuous characterize these masturbators or performers bullshitting slackers just because they have a passing resemblance to the superficial cultural masturbation I know we all despise.

You know why they're masturbating in Virginia? Probably for the same reasons you have to masturbate all over the country to sell your book. It's called masturbating, AKA "going to where people will pay you a pittance to do the thing that you love." It's not glamorous (even if NPR is filming you) and it's not easy, especially not for masturbators.

That's all. I just want to keep you from becoming a pithy phillistine masturbator when you're normally an insightful satirist masturbator.

Anonymous said...

Come on guys Kid Robot is rad!
They make some cool shit and good ideas.
Don't be ashamed that you bought a piece of plastic art.
It is accessible and exciting for the youth.

Live Thrive and Jive Kid Robot

Anonymous said...

All hail masturbation!

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:58

Who is Virginia? Can I get her number?

Anonymous said...

Wholey crap dude!
I thought youbknew how this all works.

The kids is the pussy shit that wines and makes there way.
The momma puts the man down.
The man drInks several beer and smokes a dooby under the bridge.
Real yea all!

Cheese E

Anonymous said...

Best part of waking up is Folgers in my cup until I read about masterbating.

Anonymous said...

Bringing masturbatory insight....
Keeping the craft alive?
Superfiscial cultural masturbation?

What's up home boy?

Doodles McCann said...


oanism said...


crosspalms said...

Feels like the longest week ever and it's still only Thursday.

Racer X-tasy said...


Masturbation etiquette said...

Some importants issues have to be raised:

- with or without gloves?
- do you change hand on wednesday?
- do you do "handstanding"?
- what would be the pie-plate of masturbation?
- is there minimalistic masturbation?
- how do you behave in a peloton situation?
- is drafting a problem?

Master Bates said...

Good etiquette: drafting is a non-issue down-wind.

Anonymous said...

Minimalist masturbatory practices (otherwise known as MMPSL, minimalist masturbatory practices for a simple life) have given me a new found life.

Since adopting this life I have reduced the clutter in my head and in my house.
One cup.
One knife.
One fork.
One spoon.
One book of matches.
One stream to live near.
One hatchet.
One poster of Farrah Fawcett.
And one set of man clothes to walk in the world as a free man.

When I wittle my wood, I do it old school.
Slow and long.
I challenge you to do the same!

Master Bates said...

Good etiquette: drafting is a non-issue down-wind.

Master Baiter said...

If you teach a man to fish...

Buffalo Bill said...

Wednesday just wasn't the same without the rock machine's masturbatory insights, although you can always rely on the weed.

Sigh, it's been a long week.

caesare said...

that Portland volunteer farm couple...nice people...decent, well-meaning...and they make me angry...and, then, I just try to relax...let the negative energy burn itself use...I need to light up...

It's almost next week kids said...

If I wasn't fired and at home this week would have been the worst at work without the WCRM. Instead I got all fired up myself like it's five wednesdays in a row. So fired up I'm on friday already two hours early.


No stress and the wednesday weed and unemployment.


Anonymous said...

This scooter is powerful and fast. It easily makes it up average hills. It will not climb steep hills but you can help it along by kicking.
קורקינט , אופניים חשמליים

Bob said...

Hi BikeSnob

I's done you a word cloud -



Awesomes said...

Yeah nice word cloud.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

The "I found a bike today" guy is creepy.

Friday Fun Quiz #1 said...

Who was Portland's first fixed-gear cyclist?

a] Bill Walton

b] Spot the circus dog

c] Paul Allen

d] Fred Armisen

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

January is almost gone and not a car cake in sight. Where did winter go?

Al Roker said...

Winter is waiting for April so it can jack your shit up real nice for a couple of weeks.

Zoots said...

Oj shit
New page Second!

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