Wednesday, December 22, 2010

BSNYC Friday Fun Final Examination on Wednesday and Holiday Bjarne Riis-cess Announcement!

Firstly, with the holidays now an undeniable reality, I will officially be entering into a period of intense family immersion and as such will not be adding additional words and pictures to this blog until Monday, January 3rd, 2012 2011, at which point I will return with regular updates. So, if you're also the sort of person who adheres to social constructs such as "holidays" and "dates," you may want to mark the occasion of my return in your Mini Dachshunds 20011 Wall Calendar, along with other important appointments:

Trust me, that frijerater's not going to cleen itself.

In any case, as of today, I'm loading up my sleigh of smugness and vanishing over the horizon:

If anything important and/or fatuous comes up between now and then (like I get trapped under a meat tape-sealed box and need someone to help save my life) I'll apprise you of it via my "Twitter."


Which I'm sure will result in an outpouring of support from the cycling community:



Hey, if you think it will help--I'm willing to try anything at this point.

However, before I go, I should let you know that, if you've got a bunch of mountain bikes laying around and you need some last-minute holiday cash, you can always sell them to a pair of aspiring YouTube comedians:


CHEAP USED MTN BIKES WANTED to crash in our youtube show! (Fairfield)
Date: 2010-12-21, 2:25PM EST
Reply to: [deleted]

Buick and Robby crash a lot of bikes in their youtube show and we’re just looking to see if anyone has any mountain bikes you’d like to sell for cheap because we’re not looking for any fancy bikes. We’ll pay $15-$20, ultimately depending on the bike. It doesn’t even necessarily have to be in good running condition, as long as the wheels aren’t bent outta shape and the frame and forks aren’t all tweaked. Any donated bikes are appreciated too of course : ). If curious, you can check out our youtube show at
this link.

Thanks!


Naturally, I did check out their YouTube show, and I was even amused for one or two fleeting moments:



I'm not sure how many bikes this Craigslist ad will yield, since $15-$20 isn't exactly top dollar (even if the 26-inch mountain bike does currently have the lowest resale value of any style of bicycle in the used marketplace), but I guess that NEA grant didn't come through and production costs are limited.

I'd also like to give my sincere thanks to everybody for reading, commenting, emailing, and even attending my "BRA" events during what has for me been quite an eventful and meaningful year, encompassing as it has the publication of my book, the birth of my son, and of course the completion of my high school equivalency diploma. (I originally decided to get the diploma after I was denied a job at my local Blockbuster video store, but now that the chain has gone bankrupt it means my accomplishment is largely symbolic.) I hope everybody has a great holiday, and, to paraphrase the Hamlet-Bot 9000, may we all be spared the slings and hot karls of outrageous fortune.

In closing, I'm pleased to administer a final examination. This examination will consist entirely of questions from previous quizzes, one from each month of 2010. If you're right, you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see whatever the wrong answer video was from that particular quiz. (Incidentally, "curating" this final examination was harder than you might think, since almost every video I've linked to in the past year appears to have been subsequently removed.) Also, should you pass the final examination, you get to graduate to 2011, but if you fail you'll be forced to repeat 2010. Granted I have no way of enforcing this, but I trust everyone will adhere to the honor system.

Once again, thanks very much for reading, have a great holiday, and I look forward to seeing all of you (who pass, that is) in 2011.

--BSNYC/RTMS







January


March


According to "GQ," what is one of the "most salient" reasons "riding a bike is better than travel by foot or automobile"?



April





May


In the recent bike messenger episode of "Judge Judy," who won: the plaintiff, or the defendant?



June


How can you support this bike messenger in San Francisco?



July




"The only problem was that the three-man breakaway couldn’t get the skin off the custard. I mean really I don’t know what they were trying to do. Maybe they just wanted to go say hi to grandma or something, but they weren’t racing bikes. Honestly it was like they attacked, got in the break, and then said to themselves, “Oops, I don’t really want to be here!” They were going so slow we needed training wheels not to fall off our bikes! And needless to say, we caught them without even trying."

Who said the above?

--Jens Voigt
--Paul Sherwen



August


"Snow bikes" are poised to replace "monstercross" bikes as the Gratuitous Addition to the Stable that Never Gets Ridden (or GASNGR) of choice for 2011.

--False



September


This wheel setup is known as the:



("Whuh...?")

Apparently, being a bike messenger in Vancouver is a non-stop thrill ride.


November


(The Recumbent History Channel logo)

In recumbent circles (or, more accurately, horizontal ovals) April 1st, 1934 is known as:


December


This device is called:


***Special Year-End Bonus Question***

("Okay, now skid!")

The quality and originality of fixed-gear "edits" continues to go:


137 comments:

Name said...

End of season dominance!!

Anonymous said...

pod?

bicnic said...

Sometimes I wonder about doing things at night and then having to wake up in the morning.

dcdouglas said...

Just missed the podium!

Anonymous said...

Near podium. Near it, I say!

Anonymous said...

topteneel!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

top10

samh said...

Clearly when reading BSNYC/RTMS the only winner is comedy. Thanks for a stellar year, Snob.

g-roc said...

meh

Anonymous said...

Moin Moin!

JahBreaker said...

doh

Anonymous said...

top 10? Nooooo, Crap! Suck It!!!

shoegazer said...

thanks for a great year!

I am a sad engine said...

Gonna miss you snobby, I will be also forced to interact with my family.
Nah, I have decided to mock those who comment on Moons site. That should be lots of fun.

g-roc said...

The Christmas miracle - the Surly's balancing without any assistance from a disembodied hand. There's no way you could balance that thing by holding the cropped front wheel.

PawnShop said...

That was too close for comfort. See ya next year. Shit, is it Wednesday already? Gotta go do something.

crosspalms said...

I can see the podium from Sarah Palin's front porch.

Holiday safe, everybody!

Anonymous said...

Passed!
Thanks and see you next year

Anonymous said...

Have a wunnerful, wunnerful holiday, snobbie!

We'll all miss you [sad dachshund look].

Now, where's my Mad Fiber?

CC said...

Go stuff it up your Wednesday!!!

Merry Christmas

Anonymous said...

Bye Snobby, c ya next year.

Cipo said...

Si. 'The CIPO' digs the 'Carlos Caldo'

Anonymous said...

Snob, so long and thanks for all the cheese.

CommieCanuck said...

Gotta love that sophisticated European TV programming, always appropriately hosted by a hot chick in a bathing suit.
The land of Da Vinci and Modigliani is now being taken over by "pranked" shows and Silvio Burlusconi's hair plugs.

CSTD SKIN

Anonymous said...

Have a great break. May you find the Hot Karl of your dreams.

CommieCanuck said...

We'll all miss you [sad dachshund look].

this is what you mean

CommieCanuck said...

This is what happens to sad Dachshunds.

And yes, they are quite delicious.

Buffalo Bill said...

Excellent quiz, although getting the wrong answer seemed more rewarding somehow. I'm going to apply for a rewrite cause I really need to get into 2011.

Have a great holiday snob, and thanks for the laughs this year.

CoatieCale said...

Kind of depressing going back through the whole year and re-living how fruitless a blog-year can be.

But hey I guess I got what I paid for. And for that I thank you, BSNYC. Happly Holidays to all!

Neil said...

clearly, Cadel has rapper envy

hillbilly said...

oh, the good times we've had. Have a good break, snob, see yous at Battenkill

Anonymous said...

Technically the H is prone (or prostrate); it would be recumbent if it was lying back not forward.

TJ Eckleburg said...

We'll miss you Snobby, you should be proud of yourself, you had a good year. Enjoy the holidays.

BTW... the Dummy is always in front of some dingy industrial looking warehouse. Where exactly do you live?

Anonymous said...

T. J. -- I think that's a "dinghy" looking industrial warehouse. He must sell accessories for "Boston Whaler -- the Unsinkable Legend."

Anonymous said...

This blog reminds me of my favorite party of the holiday season...

BALLS

That was a great year for RTMS, I enjoyed it.

Test Tickle said...

CNCI NATI

SPRK PLUG

I hope there are plenty of 9v batteries in your stockings!

balls.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Mele Kalikimaka

What I Think said...

Happy holidays, Bike Snob. Can't believe you got that much of a rise out of boring old Cadel Evans! Congrats.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Dave said...

Are you traveling over your break? I hear that Scotland is wonderful this time of year.

ringcycles said...

why don't Buik and Robbie just get day jobs at Ikea? Oh, yeah, the dress code cuts them right out. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Snob:
You are the Herb Caen of the Bicycle Set.

Anonymous Coward said...

Thanks for the laughs this year Snob. May the great Lob grant you your holiday wishes. Have safe holidays all.

Now, where's bikesgonewild to bitch about the Riis-cess?

Grump said...

Damn, your breakaway question really had me fooled. I thought that someone was commenting on a break that I was in, last August, in the famous Tour de Industrial Park.

oNAN-o-MoUSE said...

JOYEUX MEOW!

MERRY X-MICE

Salty and Sore said...

Oh my God!

So completely rolling right now!

2010 had some most-excellent Snob-mehments, for which I congratulate you, and thank you for sharing with all of us.

All the best to you and yours!

To everyone!!

And yes, I'll be back. While 2010 was a year of shirking duty, and forgoing commitments, 2011 is already shaping up to be a very..

...err...



hard....

year, and cannot be missed. So, for the record...

I passed.

Dr. Feel Good said...

Snob,
Your blog is one of the best parts of my day...I know, shocking, right?
Have a great holiday. Don't worry about Cadel, he is just jealous because it is summer in Aussie land and that makes for a crappy holiday spirit.

Butt Cheek said...

Smell ya later

Herbie Hairpie said...

Oven of an O

grog said...

Dress warm, ride nice.
Happy New Year!

marcel da chump said...

Thanks for all the days of love and laughter.

Martin Erzinger said...

I will not be ignored, smell my tube sock, and sleep well.

Douchebag Donny said...

If you go to Google Images and enter "hipster pussy" it will pull up 30 guy and cat photos for every chick. Honest.

leroy said...

BSNYC -- thanks for a great year of enlightening and insightful posts.

All -- I enjoyed the ride! See you in 2011. Ride safe all.

Anonymous said...

HELD BACK


dammit!


Happy holidays everyone!

ervgopwr said...

It's amazing that I remember all the content this blog produces.

And everyone should remember, that one day (who knows when, but it was in 2010 ) I was first in the world championship of comment racing for the day.

It was glorious.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe someone is making a BSNYC TV show:

http://www.ifc.com/videos/portlandia-portland-dream-of-the-90s.php

g-roc said...

Finally got to the quiz and I was not swayed by your delicious fruity pebbles.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for a great year Snob. Merry New Year!

Umlud said...

My 20011 calendar? I didn't know that they were even being printed!

bikesgonewild said...

...anonymous coward 3:11pm...

...i'm busy 'making a list & checking it twice'...

Marc said...

Thank you sir for another fun-filled year of cycling diversion. Congratulations on your book, the continued success of your blog, and of course the birth of your son. Enjoy the holidays.

Anonymous said...

I have that same wtb saddle that's on the snob's utilibike. Love it.

bikesgonewild said...

...some of you newer commentators may not be aware of this but bsnyc'rtms's 'Bike Snob NYC' is the only blogsite in the world that the uci awards performance points to...

...in the team standings, 'bsnyc' was rated between team astana & the quickstep cycling team & definitely well ahead of team radioshack...

...in the individual standings 'bsnyc' was behind philippe gilbert but ranked ahead of the esteemed fabian cancellara...

...all in all, i'd suggest 'bsnyc/rtms' handled the year with palpable aplomb & irrevocable irony...

Anonymous said...

74% is passing, right?

Mario Cipollini said...

I sure hope so.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snobbie and esteemed fellow commenters, I wish you and yours the best of the holiday season and a healthy and prosperous 2011.

BTW, all kidding aside, I will actually be in Cincinnati between X-mas and New Years. While I am there, if anybody wants me to get them one of those special sparkplugs I keep hearing about, just say the word.

Uncle Bob said...

圣诞快乐。享受你的美味水果的鹅卵石!

The girl in the short skirt said...

My panties!

PawnShop said...

Imaginary 1st!

Anonymous said...

Mwah! Happy (early) New Years Snobby!

Hugs and kisses for the bunch too.

And Ervgo, I got top step twice this year. Woot! Hmmm, reminds me VS will be having their semi-annual sale soon. Who's up for a little post-holiday shopping?

Anonymous said...

Snob,
You might like this Portland video.
http://boingboing.net/2010/12/18/portland-home-of-the.html

Eric Lowe said...

Nice us of S.O.D. in the quiz!

I think you could have worked "Pre-Menstrual Princess Blues" in somehow.

I am jonesing engine said...

All kidding aside, this is not going to work. Snobby you need to come back earlier, or the comments need to get better. Picking on the Moonies was not as fun as I thought it would be.

This is serious I am going into withdrawal already.

Jaques La Foote said...

I have it on good authority that snob, who has apparently gone 'uptown' on his loyal mentally feeble velo-tarded readership, is presently in Quebec City, Quebec, Canada attending a 'le style de foie d'oie*' seminar.


*Goose Liver Styling

偵探社 said...

Merry Christmas!

尋人 said...

Merry Christmas!

討債 said...

Merry Christmas!

討債 said...

Very happy to come to your blog, Christmas is coming, I wish you a Merry Christmas!

法律諮詢 said...

Merry Christmas!

Mt bike said...

Clearly when reading BSNYC/RTMS the only winner is comedy. Thanks for a stellar year, Snob.

Jaques Strappe said...

Bike Snob NYC was arrested while in Quebec City for attempting to breed outside of his species. The local police could find no law that Snobbie had broken so they realesed him but kept the videos.

Snob can be reached at the Lester Miserables Sheep Ranch, Trois Rivieres, Quecec, Canada.

Fred said...

May all of your custards be skinless!

Thanks for the all the high-quality funny, snob and commentariat.

I hope the great Fred of North, with owls in his beard and bells on his SPD sandals, brings everyone the unnecessary wheelset of their dreams.

I'll be spending the holidays graphing all the data from my Garmin to see if my yearly average speed has broken 12mph yet.

bikesgonewild said...

...a honest & warm seasons greetings to this whole crew...

...& to whoever puts a lump of coal in my christmas stocking every year, that's neither kind nor nice...

...coal is not a clean 'green' source of energy...

...& the smell fouls up the house when i burn it for heat on the electric stove...

..."...& to all, a good night"...

Santa Claus said...

BGW, you don't deserve a lump of coal. Instead I am going to leave you a bag of clinkers.

Way To Much Eggnog said...

Carbon Fiber
Coal
Diamonds

All are forms of carbon. This has to mean something, but quite frankly I don't know.....

Future products could be
Coal Bicycles
Carbon Fiber Jewelry

OK, one more item on this list to go, A cheap energy source from Diamonds..........

I wonder what Snobby would have to say about these products if anyone ever markets them?

bikesgonewild said...

...thanks, santa...

...& that picture of you is the santa i remember & love from my childhood...

...i still can't guess why the other kids were afraid to sit on your lap & tell you what they wanted for christmas...

...you even kinda look like mr mcgorckle, that nice man who used to give me candy in his van...

Stranded said...

Dear Snob,
Deprived of my daily dose of your ironic wit, I had no choice but to attempt to manufacture some of my own, in which I mentioned you!
Sincerely,
The Stranded D.R.

Santa Claus said...

I wonder if you could form clinkers into a bicycle frame. It looks like you could curate a sick fixed gear from them.

BGW, that photo is NOT mine. My ex put that photo up just to tick me off! I don't look nothing like that, and never will.

Anonymous said...

Why do I live in a boring part of the United States where I don't get to see things like a parade with recumbent bikes, and even couch bikes.

My Christmas present to you:
A Christmas Parade. (I did not say I was not cheap, nor did I say I shopped for a long time to find you something. All I can say is, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.")

The cute chick said...

BSNYC's SUV being driven by Frilly.

boiler dave said...

The clinker looks metallic, but it's really more like a ceramic. It comes from oxidation of trace minerals in fuels used in forced air fires, such as wood or coal fired boilers or forge furnaces.

fyi

bikesgonewild said...

...santa claus @ 4:52pm...

...now THAT santa is the one i pay to sit (& dance) in my lap...

...love to see how she stuffs HER stockings...

...just sayin'...

Dentist Scrooge said...

BAH 'FULL CARBON DURA-ACE' HUMBUG!

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year from Australia everyone!!! Best wishes for 20011!!! ...for oldlangsine my dear... for oldlangsine... blah... blah... blah-blah blah... blah... blah-blah... for oldlangsine... Hooray!!!

Early? No, it's just how the timezones work.

What a lovely mild summer we are having this year, just 28 degrees Celsius at the moment. Where did I sit my icy cold beer? Oh yeah, keep those typing fingers safe from the frostbite Snob... so you can keep up the mehriffic work in the event that you need to eat Vito. ce

ryanmvmv said...

hey Bike Snob!
I'd like to hear what you think about this:

http://www.digave.com/videos/#top

Topside Humanoid said...

Hey Australia Guy.

Being upside down and all does the blood that rushes to your eed give you a heedache?

Just wondering.

Maximus Optimus said...

Cth

round two begins! said...

one
oh
first!!!

ken (loves the PNW) said...

happy holidays y'all! i'd be more expansive, but want to get out the door and ride before the sky falls.

obvioso said...

prolly is to the cycling world what rollerblades are to the skateboarding world

Martin Erzinger said...

Santa got me a new Mercedes for Christmas. He got one for Hulbert and Gannett too. Who would have thought Sanata loves us so much.
Highway 6 will be filled with smell of new cars, watch out bikers.

Anonymous said...

http://fuckyeahbikesandbeards.tumblr.com

Morpheus said...

Being upside down and all does the blood that rushes to your eed give you a heedache?

It is you, my friend, who have been upside down all these years.

Yeah, I just blew your mind.

CommieCanuck said...

"BSNYC's SUV being driven by Frilly."

That video was actually funny. Nice homage to Napolean Dynamite. Sweet.

Anonymous said...

bikesgonewild, hang on to the lump of coal; it'll come in useful when you go first footing on Hogmanay.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

no i fail last quiz i will live in 2010 poodooo
cat/puss123456789 all now need the bike snob book now because when it comes down to it spreads out the basics and reminds us i'm step ahead

Nobody Special said...

Apparently even cars are not safe in NYC.
YouTube

Anonymous said...

Topside Humanoid, I hope you have recovered from having your perception of reality shattered. Funny you should mention headaches though, because most of us up here do indeed suffer from crippling headaches most of the time. You see, another common "down under" misconception is that helmets are mandatory by law when riding a bicycle here, but the fact is that we are required by law to wear helmets at all times, and after many years of continuous helmet use chronic headache is common. Our lovely caring government says it is for the best. Apparently they have a brain implant in the works that will relieve chronic headaches, and as an added bonus it will reduce the brains tendency to think for itself, the second most common cause of headaches. In the meantime, at least I can sleep soundly in the knowledge that if I roll out of bed because I can't actually sleep soundly due to a headache, I won't hurt my head on the bedroom floor. Oh, I should mention that there are a couple minor exceptions to the rule. You don't need to wear a helmet while driving a car, flying in an aeroplane, playing rugby or smoking.

It is a pity that nobody would be interested in offering some opinions regarding helmets as there is quite some time to pass before Snob gets back. ce

Anonymous said...

A day without the snob is like a day without sunshine.

cycle

Ryan Walsh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Awesome contest-way to name a cycling video of a guy on a bike who sort of stalks a girl on a bike, and cannot catch up to her, despite her stopping for coffee.... then he catches her only to pass her by to check out the bike.

http://vimeo.com/16188550

crosspalms said...

ce,
We don't have to wear a helmet if we wear a scarf that is at least six feet long. Those without any scarf are required to wear two helmets. Elected officials are exempt from helmet requirements except during town hall meetings and when appearing in public after major snowstorms. Bearded men are also exempt if they wear a somber but stylish cap.
Next let's talk about brakes.

mikeweb said...

Very late to the party, but wishing all of the commentariat a smashing 2011. BSNYC, thanks for the sartorial brilliance, philosophical food for thought and occasional cognitive dissonance.

Unknown said...

does anyone know when they are going to plow the innerwebs?

I am a gps engine said...

http://bikeportland.org/2010/12/21/from-colorado-a-story-of-gps-justice-44858#more-44858

John said...

Ok, good luck with your bike, oh and merry xmas.

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob,
Where oh where are you tonight
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the blogs over and thought I found true irony, but you met another and soon you were gone.

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob,
Where oh where are you tonight
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the blogs over and thought I found true irony, but you met another and soon you were gone.

Comment Deleted said...

This commenment has been deleted. Reinserted. Then deleted again.

Anonymous said...

crosspalms, your scarf rule makes a lot of sense, because once you get above about 6ft in length of suitable scarfing wrapped around your neck your head is protected by the bulk and is unlikely to contact the ground at all. The added benefit is that your spinal cord is well supported as if in a neck brace.
Seeing as you had to go and dredge up the brake debate, I might add that if everyone wore a scarf of adequate length there wouldn't even be a brake debate. The advanced German safety standards dictate a minimum of 12ft in length, which allows for deployment of the end of the scarf as a drogue to slow the bicycle down without compromising the cranio/spinal buffering portion.
Bearded men in stylish caps are quite obviously too sensible to cause themselves or others harm, so it is a given that they be omitted. Happy Easter everyone. ce

Isadora Duncan said...

cccchhhaaaccckkkk!!!!! cccaaaakkkkkkhhhhh!!!!


-silencio-

bikesgonewild said...

...ummm, ahhh, well, gosh...guess i'll just come out n' say it...

...happy new years, snoberatti !!!...

Puchless Pilot Lite said...

CXXVIIth

Nogocyclist said...

Happy New Year Everyone!

Wanted to make the very first comment for 2011.

And remember if you take your bike out tonight, don't ride drunk.

Nogocyclist said...

Alternative ending for the last post. If you do ride drunk, don't let anyone see you.

Anonymous said...

Third in 2011!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

4th in new decade.

Mechazawa said...

5th comment of the year.

waiting for the winter gear closeout sales to commence.


HZZH

Anonymous said...

["Rain Man" voice ]-- "22 hours til BikeSnob ... "

Nogocyclist said...

@BSNYC said: "I will officially be entering into a period of intense family immersion and as such will not be adding additional words and pictures to this blog until Monday, January 3rd, 2012 2011, at which point I will return with regular updates."

Snob, it is officially Monday, January 3rd, 2012 2011 in New York. I have never seen you post this early, but you are welcome to start today if you wish.

Anonymous said...

Well,

I am waiting. What is taking so long?

Zeeshan Mehboob said...

helo any body help me to load new blog

Sheila from the untamed north said...

I miss you snobby - my day is lacking in mirth and cynism - please come back soon, hope you are not frozen to death on some as yet unplowed NY side street.

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Michelle Samardzija said...

i landed on this blog looking for more info about my toddler's current diagnosis with torticollis. this was way better, and helped me conjure up a laugh or five. thanks for being a bike snob on the brink of bike dork.

Fixie Bikes said...

lol @cadelofficial