The "H" Word: Reinventing the Hybrid

Ever since my book, the creatively-titled "Bike Snob," was published this past May, I've been asked a single question above all others: "Who cares?" Considerably less frequently, I've also been asked: "When will your book be available in the United Kingdom?" (By "less frequently," I mean, "exactly once.") Well, Nigel (actually, I don't remember the name of the person who asked, but since he's from the United Kingdom there's a 75% chance his name was Nigel, or 65% if he was a woman), I'm pleased to let you know that you'll finally be able to publish a British edition of my book in the United Kingdom as of November 1st, thanks to Hardie Grant Books. Moreover, this edition will also be available in Australia, New Zealand, and the rest of the so-called "British Commonwealth"--so good news for you, Republic of Seychelles.

In anticipation of this formehdable publishing event, this past weekend the Observer Magazine ran an excerpt, and you can see the online version here:
While the online version does not include the illustrations, it does include the incredibly dorky picture of me on a Williamsburg rooftop holding my Scattante up in the air:

I'd like to say that there was no photographic trickery involved here, but the fact is that I'm far too feeble to hoist the considerable straight-gauge heft of a commuterized Scattante above my head (total weight = 36 gallons of milk, or roughly 25 babies), and in reality I'm merely holding a very large sandwich:

Trembling with exertion, once the photographer got the shot I then hurled the sandwich over the railing and onto the street below, which caused a fixed-gear bicycle, Puch moped, and Lambretta scooter "hipster" traffic jam that backed up all the way to Bushwick until people finally figured out how to "portage" their various vehicles over the giant oily heap of meat and cheese.

Speaking of "hipsters" and disasters, on last Friday's quiz I incorporated the trailer for the upcoming "Murder of Couriers" documentary, which takes an unflinchingly ridiculous look at some messengers in Vancouver:

While the entire trailer is a comedy of Christopher Guestian proportions and a veritable giant sandwich of absurdity, if pressed like a panini I'd have to say my favorite voiceover line is this:

Sometimes you just clear out and you're just like, "Whoah," you know, "I almost got hit by four different buses and I punched a jaywalker and almost shit my pants."

For some reason, as he says this, we see a rider running right into traffic like an excited toddler into the Florida surf, first barely avoiding a black convertible going one way:

And then almost being hit by a brown "crossover vehicle" going another way:

Fortunately, though, he does make it across the street and onto the logjam, ultimately alighting onto one of the lily pads at the far end and scoring major "bonus points:"

But while the messengers in "A Murder of Couriers" are quite fleet of foot, they don't seem to be particularly adept when it comes to riding their bicycles. At one point in the video, one of the riders takes a turn too widely, almost hitting a pedestrian:

This puts him next to a taxi:

Which he somehow manages to hit, despite having plenty of road:

After which he gives chase on foot, presumably to chide the driver for compromising his "livelihood:"

Now, I certainly have nothing whatsoever against messengers, but I'm not sure I understand the point of making a movie about doing your job really badly. It's almost as though a bunch of people who work at Target decided to make a documentary about what they do for a living, and then just recorded themselves running at full speed straight into the underwear racks in the "intimates" section and getting hopelessly tangled up in the bras and panties. "Sometimes you're just working the floor and you're just like, 'Whoah,' you know, 'I almost smothered myself in like four pairs of maternity hosiery and I punched a six-year-old and almost shit my pants.'" At one point in the trailer one of the messengers even refers to herself as a "ninja," and if she thinks any of this is ninja-like I can only assume her knowledge of feudal Japan consists entirely of watching Chris Farley movies:

By the way, it is worth noting that these messengers are in Canada, so I'd be interested in seeing a study that explores whether messenger bike-handling skills are inversely proportionate to ready access to free healthcare.

It could also be due to documentaries like this that the new generation of "urban" cyclists are foregoing the traditional "fakenger" phase and instead choose to take up fixed-gear freestyling. Sure, doing tricks on fixed-gear bikes looks kind of silly, but not running-into-taxis-on-purpose silly. Indeed, ever since the early days of the fixed-gear trend, people have been asking: "What's next? What will be the next trendy bike?" Bloggers, cycling pundits, bike forum denizens and industry insiders everywhere have offered their opinions. Some predicted it would be the cyclocross bike; others said it would be the vintage road bike; still others floated the "porteur" bike; and some even posited that it would be the Dutch city bike. However, it looks like all of them were wrong, for I was checking in on fixed-gear freestyle impresario and streetwear enthusiast Prolly's blog, and it looks like all of us were wrong and that it's going to be the good old-fashioned hybrid:

Here's what Volume has to say about their take on the hybrid:

We've been working on this bad boy for awhile now. Some of you guys might have seen it at our booth at Interbike? Our first post or mention of it was about a year ago with random parts we had in our warehouse. The Generator is a combination of a commuter and BMX. The thing rides like a dream and can still jump off a curb and do a mean wheelie. Features include: Full heat treated CRMO frame, fork and bar, EBB, fixed dropout, Shimano 8-spd. Alfine hub, Tektro Auriga Pro hydraulic brakes, 700X45c Resist tires, and much more. We'll be offering it as a complete and should be due out around April/ May. What you see in the pic will be very close to what the production model will have. We'll have more pics and info on the site asap.

Oh yeah, that's a "bad boy" all right:

(Cannondale Bad Boy: It's the Pista for the "Lone Wolf" set.)

Really, it's come to this? Wheelies on hybrids? First the NJS craze, and then 650c front wheels and riser bars, and then axle pegs and BMX cranks, and now they're suddenly going to start riding bikes that look like they belong in the Giant Bicycles "Sport" collection?

It's a well-known fact that every suburban garage in America contains an average of 2.5 15-year-old, barely ridden, dust-covered Trek MultiTraks. Now it turns out that they may be sitting on a goldmine:

Perhaps "true hybrid geometry" will become the next NJS. I suppose none of this is surprising though, since "urban" cyclists have been following the oeuvre of Sky Yaeger for years. It took them awhile, but eventually they all wanted Pistas; now, she's already come and gone at Swobo, but suddenly they all want upright BMX-y bikes with internally-geared hubs and disc brakes:


And if this new breed of hybrid becomes the next trendy bicycle, "urban" outlaw cycling videos are going to start looking a whole lot different:



However, if you really want to ride like an outlaw, you should ride without pants, as in this news item that was forwarded to me by a reader:

I guess he comes from the Land Frumunda. At least he was wearing a helmet.