Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday BSNYC Pleasure Examination!

(via "Cycle Jerk")

If you follow either the BMX or fixed-gear freestyle scene, or you're a reader of blogs such as Prolly's, then in addition to having a vast sneaker collection you may be aware of a controversial post on BMX site "The Come Up" consisting of a dialogue between two BMX riders in which they discuss their hatred of "fixies" and specifically the "gheys" who do tricks on them. Naturally, this post has sent shockwaves through the flat brim cap-wearing world, and at this point the prospects of a giant BMX/Fixie "collabo" seems more distant than ever. If you're a concerned outsider like I am and you want to stay abreast of this important issue, yet you don't want to take the time to actually read about it, you can instead watch edited highlights from the anti-fixie dialogue in this dramatic re-enactment here:



Meanwhile, as if this weren't disturbing enough, a number of readers have informed me that in Philadelphia a political movement is awheel that would require cyclists to register their bicycles and obtain license plates for them. If you're a Philadelphian who's worried that a bicycle license plate will spoil the clean lines of your "fixie" or add unwanted grams to your crabon fiber dream bike, I urge you not to panic. Mandatory bicycle registration comes up in up in New York City periodically too, and while there is always a group of people who thinks it's a good idea, ultimately it never goes anywhere. In this sense, it's sort of like disc brakes on cyclocross bikes. And even if they do manage to pass it in Philadelphia, it will at least provide the opportunity for vanity plates, such as this one mocked up by a reader:
Sure, actually going brakeless might earn you a $1,000 fine, but that doesn't mean you can't have a brakeless license plate.

Finally, Jack Thurston of "The Bike Show" in London informs me that foppish Garmin-Slipstream director Jonathan Vaughters is now using his Twitter to agonize over the grammatical construction of his "Tweets:"

While Thurston points out that the original "is" is likely more correct, to me the glaring error is the final "ARE!!!" Clearly, Vaughters is trying to evoke the exclamation of a disconcerted pirate, and a more appropriate spelling would have been "Arrrgh!" In any case, fussing over the grammar of a "Tweet" is like truing the wheels of your Huffy to within a fraction of a millimeter, and I would advise Vaughters not to worry about it. I'd also advise him not to spend his free time sitting around reading his own Twitter, which is a highly depraved form of social media masturbation.

I am now pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see a Hawaiian bike messenger gettin' it done with some jazz flute accompaniment.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you're in Philadelphia be sure your bicycle vanity plate matches your knuckle tattoos.

--BSNYC/RTMS



(Image by CommieCanuck)

1) According to his supporters, in France Greg LeMond is:





(Photo by billjank)

2) The "hipster" equivalent of the dropout safety tab is the:






"Some riders are clearly adepts, like the ones riding fixies — fixed, single-gear bikes. There goes one now — zooming past on yellow-walled tires, riding fully upright, texting with both hands on his iPhone as he goes."

3) Not everyone hates "fixies." Where did this lyrical scene take place?






4) There is only one Lone Wolf.






5) Recumbent riders don't have tattoos.






6) Jared Leto's cycling experience is not only limited to video shoots and "tarck" bikes with freewheels. He also has experience:







7) What is an "interrobang?"





***Special Over-The-Top-eBay-Themed Bonus Question***


Fyxomatosis.

--Oh no he didn't.
--Oh yes he did.

177 comments:

samh said...

Podium. Yay?

kale said...

Firsties!

Anonymous said...

first?

Anonymous said...

damn!

Erin Barr said...

yay!

The Pogonologist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Top ten!

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CZSR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

I'm just here for the dolphin photoshoot.

rezado said...

The pleasure is all mine.

Empty There said...

lanterne rouge

Isolation Helmet said...

Being in CA I have never tried to even come close to the top ten.

Just coasting!!!

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd
personal best
quaranteened

mikeweb said...

Lone wolf walkin'!

way to go samh, kale and BL

rezado said...

velo vita
awes ome!

reuben said...

Number four is wrong, don't mess with my world view like that, there can only be one Lone Wolf.

And Grats on 1st Sam, way to represent!!

RANTWICK said...

Top 20?

Visegripmikey said...

And here I thought I could finish my Brio...

Paula Creevy said...

I get so flustered when I make it under the 80 comment mark!

hillbilly said...

oh, yes he did.

Fergie said...

Still don't know if that is a guy or girl in those purple pants...
Ahh, who cares.

I've worn worse.

Anonymous said...

jesus christ, how big is the cog on that fyxobortion?

Unknown said...

Is Jared Leto a midget?

wisdom like silence said...

Actually I believe Mr. Thurston's original grammar was correct, because "snow" is a mass noun, not a count noun.

krexus said...

the flickr cycling tattoo collection will now take up the rest of my day. It's like a very long slow train wreck. thanks.

Miss Grundy said...

There is snow on the ground.
There are eight inches of snow on the ground.

Got it?

hillbilly said...

44/22! How you like dem GI's?!

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

Think of all the dumb shit you did in your teens and twenties. If you are over thirty and do tricks on a fixed, something aint right, this fad(oops) culcha will pass mid 2011, be patient.

All you cyclocross disc haters suck my balzac.

The Cheat said...

I don't think he was saying ARRRGH! I think he was giving the word he should have put instead of IS.

ringcycles said...

The fyxomatosis thing illustrates just how wrong hipster bikes are. It's like a BMX bike with aero extensions. It's like a tt bike with knobby tires. It's like a recumbent with an slr saddle. Sure you can do it, but why would you, why? must be excessive PBR.

CommieCanuck said...

There is snow on the ground.
There are eight inches of snow on the ground.


Knowing Vaughters, there are only three inches of snow. He has no frame of reference for eight inches.


oh SNAP!

Fred said...

I'm starting a group for Freds doing tricks on recumbents. So far, I have these mad skillz in my quiver:
1. Riding a 'bent more than 25 miles.
2. Passing members of the opposite sex without making eye contact.
3. Unwrapping the wax paper and then successfully consuming a peanut-butter and banana sandwich while riding.
4. Safety Flag limbo
5. One-handed beard combing and styling (forwards and reverse)

What-choo got, suckers?

Fierce Panties said...

Adam and Rhys lay down some fierce fuckin' wood on the fixter scene. Nice.

MUTH AFUK

If this were the 80's, and from the view from behind the pink zebra stripped ass it's hard to say that it's not, I think we would see the BMXs beating down the fixters, brunching messenger-syle, at the after-party versus talking shit on the internets.

boredbanker said...

looks like the talented mr leto also likes to rub wheelbrows. is that a girls bike?

Fierce Panties said...

Fred,

fuckin' funny.

CommieCanuck said...

What-choo got, suckers?

I can put Mr. Sniffles in my "Cruzer" Pet wicker basket, take a picture of him while riding and post to LOLCATs on my Apple Newton.

I also perfected the SPD cleat Birkenstock sandals with green sport socks.
And, and...I can rap:

ridin' bent
Say no to da Gov'ment
sportin' ma beard
laid back, and feared
Ya'll think I don't rock?
Up ya ass with ma Birckenstock.


Word.

Anonymous said...

if only the fyxamatosis bike had a disembodied hand, that would probably seal the deal for me.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

What is it with all the recumbent references lately? Weird.

BSNYCzoCalledLife said...

Before taking the fixed gear plunge Just Jared dabbled in the less popular fixed u-lock mounting bracket culture.

http://cdn.buzznet.com/media/jj1//2009/09/leto-bike/jared-leto-bike-03.jpg

The Bike Cave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
OBA said...

On the BT w/ risers: absolutely MF'ng crazy now, but will be perfect in another 20 years with a crack in the top tube patched with bondo and the whole thing covered with stickers for forgotten crap, at the swap meet, for about 1/60th the price. Then some genius will repair, restore and re-sell it as vintage at a massive profit.

The Bike Cave said...

4) false

BikeSnobNYC said...

Miss Grundy,

I would have gone with "Am."

--RTMS

Fierce Panties said...

yo RCT ?!

Didn't you double take on the cumby tat like I did. I thought the dork-fuck gave me the bird, but it was the just a thumbs up.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

The bent tat rider looks like Dennis Hopper.

Fierce Panties said...

WBC

Your fake ass cardboard bike doesn't fool anyone.

There is only one Lone Wolf goddmitt.
And I'm not changing my answer.


PASS

Strayhorn said...

OK, since I've learned I can ask cultural questions of the Snob Crowd and get (relatively) sane answers, what is it with flat brims?

I mean, I leave the brims of caps flat because if I curve them downward, two things happen:

1. My peripheral vision goes to hell
2. People think my name should be Cooter and I work at a feed store.

So you're telling me that in addition to the problems above, now I can add "People will think I'm a hipster" to the list?

Jeeze. It's enough to make me want to start wearing a straw hat and Teva sandals to work.

Miss Grundy said...

BSNYC at 2:18.

"Am" is the wrong conjugation. You want the infinitive:

"There be eight inches of snow on the ground. Arrr."

Now spit out that gum.

d. fofonov said...

Track bicycles with knobbie tyres are making sense if your track is in Azerbajan.

Only speaking.

Hand is wearing out from fingerbang practices.

sufferist said...

Strayhorn: you follow your bliss and don't let anyone diktat how you accessorize your most personal whip.

Also, THERE IS ONLY ONE LONE WOLF!!! (I used all capitals, 'cause in internit's parlance that means I'ma shouting (ya know for emphasis))

physics & co. said...

I think Verlyn Klinkenborg (fake name) of the NY Times invented a new phenomenon in writing about "slowly charged particles." I'm pretty sure a particle has charge or it doesn't.

ff said...

Sufferist,

THAN KYOU

Fierce Panties said...

Strayhorn,

Wear the flatbrim, but know that you'll regret it one day.

stream of nothing said...

terrible quiz performance, that phone ringing was bugging me by the end....

Anonymous said...

CC Sabathia started the flat brim trend, and it's worn slightly askew.

Oh, and the recumbent tat, why not cut to the chase, have: special olympics inked on your forehead.

Anonymous said...

So is the Fixie vs BMX the new East vs West Rapper conflict.

kale said...

...what is it with flat brims?

Late adopters of the urban aesthetic. Specifically, the need to assert one's status through showing high-end consumption of goods. This was demonstrated in the early 1990s by keeping price tags and stickers on cap brims to show that it was recently purchased.

sufferist said...

For your edification:

fashion victim

Anonymous said...

Kale says: this was demonstrated in the early 1990s by keeping price tags and stickers on cap brims to show that it was recently purchased.

Yeah, and in the 1940s Minnie Pearl did the same thing--but, she was joking.

sufferist said...

I think this sums it up:

Fashion victims, by their characteristic inability to recognize boundaries, may aspire to the extreme end of what is available, seeking expensive products (or copies of these products), believing that the outward display of such items will draw admiration in proportion to their actual or apparent cost. Because of this, "the term 'fashion victim' became the ultimate insult to the aspirational."[7]

sufferist said...

So show some empathy for the Hipster, they are victims, and victims need all our help...

kale said...

"Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling."

-Walter Sobchak

Freddys dead said...

@Fred,

unwrapping the wax paper...


Fucking classic

grog said...

TUFF FUNK WHIZ
i is LONE WOLF
WAXP APER

Billy Reid said...

that reminds me that I need to file off my dropout safety tabs for super fast wheel changes!

Anonymous said...

Q: You know what I hate more than fixie riding hipsters?
A: Idiot skaters and BMX riders from the burbs working real hard to prove their "street cred."

mander said...

8/7! (nailed the bonus) First perfect score! I submit that Friday Fun Quizzes are ITT stages, not mass starts, and that I'm therefore a top contender for today.

Billy Reid said...

44/22 on that BT. wtf?

Anonymous said...

More sick recumbent tricks:

1)Translating "Testa de la corsa" and "giro di lombardia" into Klingon

2) Riding uphill at a velocity exceeding 15 km/h in the east direction (note: the adding of direction, to make it a velocity and not a speed).

3) Trimming of the accountant-style moustache while simultaneously adjusting the "take-a-look" mirror and adjusting the placement of the Air-zound horn. (all the while keeping a careful log of events in order to compare to GPS data in order to identify any anomalies.)

Anonymous said...

I do my part by telling the no brake crowd that they a stupid fucking idiots if they ride those gay, take it up the ass, no brake bikes on the street. I've actually seen these faggots riding slow out in the middle of the street while cars are honking for them to get out of the way! The next time I see that bullshit I am going to start kicking the shit out of these dumbshit fixed gear riders

Austin Bankruptcy Lawyer said...

Maybe the front wheel on Jared Leto's bike costs more than the rest of it. Now who looks dumb?

Matt said...

The manual Smith-Corona typewriter I used in college had two keys where you could switch keycaps and the strikers, and I had an interrobang on one of them. They only had the upright interrobang, though, so it was lucky I didn't take Spanish and try and do los beginning-and-end-of-sentence interrobangos. Of course, I'm so old I'm starting to thing a 'bent would be an ok idea.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's an East Coast thing, but what's with all the homophobia?

San Antonio Employment Lawyers said...

My face hurts a little after the I was told that bike actually exists on ebay.

ant1 said...

Wichita Bicycle Collective - is that a halloween costume? if so, nice.

Salty Seattle said...

"In any case, fussing over the grammar of a 'Tweet' is like truing the wheels of your Huffy to within a fraction of a millimeter.."

Loving it, like a good, Belgian Wit..

ant1 said...

snobby - really?
http://www.wtsp.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=118198&catid=81

Anonymous said...

The reason the license thing came up in Philly was that two pedestrians have been killed by cyclists - one salmoning

Bluenoser said...

Hey Fred,

Two more recumbent skilz.

1/ Identification of long lost bent riderz on the undersides of eighteen wheelerz running boards.

2/ Trying to figure out just where the hell you are when the road disappears while going uphill.

-B

ken e. said...

more than 100%!!!

PNCH LINE
FUNI CMNT
CXDS KGO!

Anonymous said...

more bent skillz-

-winter training (reading The Economist in a hammock)

-never bunny hopping

-smoothies and cottage cheese

-mad BBS cred from back in the day

Anonymous said...

Am I missing something? I like those hot pink zebra striped pants. Don't think I'd pay $180 for them. But with a black turtleneck, they'd be adorable.

bklyn74 said...

I know it's already been ridiculed here, but 44x22?! Setup for the street? That's an "Alp Duez" setup!

Anonymous said...

What recumbentophiles dream of:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWwlg5ELlXc

Fierce Panties said...

L

Fierce Panties said...

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Fierce Panties said...

N

Fierce Panties said...

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Fierce Panties said...

W

Fierce Panties said...

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Fierce Panties said...

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Fierce Panties said...

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Fierce Panties said...

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Fierce Panties said...

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broomie said...

I aced the quiz! Where's my cupcake!

Anonymous said...

http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/news/education/skinny_jeans_111909

leroy said...

98

leroy said...

99.

My lead out is done. Someone else take 100.

I'm still stunned by the Fixie on E-Bay.

Ride safe all!

hillbilly said...

and 100...have a good weekend yall, ride safe

Anonymous said...

More sick recumbent tricks:

1)Translating "Testa de la corsa" and "giro di lombardia" into Esperanto

streepo said...

My first ever perfect score!!!!

Fred said...

anon @ 6:09:
That video is all CGI. There are no women who would be seen on a tandem with a 'bent rider. Not even women who ride 'bents. Trust me on this.

Test Tickle said...

y'all see this yet?

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/theblotter/2010302315_criminal_charges_filed_against.html

i'm guessing it's a fixie.

balls.

OnTheDick said...

fierce panties, that takes skills. yous got talent.

Unknown said...

The Bike snob wave has crested and the styleman posts have taken center stage. What's wrong with cyclocross bikes with disk brakes?

Anonymous said...

what the f**k is a flat brim hat? do you men a baseball cap?

Billy Reid said...

the 44x22 is pasty hipster leg gearing, i suppose. at 13 mph that will get the lucky hipster to the nearest PBR in 5 minutes or less.

Anonymous said...

Everyone knows BT stands for
BONG TOKE

Must have taken quite a few to post that BT for $7Gs, and it's not even wednesday

Fergie said...

That kid that got hit in Seattle...
"His jaw had to be wired shut"
I did that this March-April. Worst Thing Ever!
That rider is a douch!

Fierce Panties said...

Thereis only one Lone Wolf.

Anonymous said...

What saddle is Leto using in tht pic?

Anonymous said...

Cc makes me hot...

Salty Seattle said...

I saw the interview of the kid's mom on Q13. Don't get me wrong; anyone that doesn't stick around is a total douche, and any rider that doesn't watch out for idiotic tourists in dowtown is looking for trouble. But, the mother actually said, "I didn't know I needed to watch out for cyclists."

I wanted so much to be angry at the rider, for hitting a kid (and part of me still is,) but that just made me mad at society.

OPNY REYZ

daddy_man said...

the seattle bike rider who hit the kid ran the red light and doesn't even have brakes (!) but still rides in high ped areas. No blame at all to the mom/kid from not looking out for bikes. Stupid rider, period. Go to jail!

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PANTS said...

I hate Fixies a lot.
But I hate Tattypan worse.

I bet Tattypan rides a fixie like it's a BMX.

Billy Reid said...

The only way I would bid on that BT is if it came with a "44x22 Ratio, Sucka Fools!" belt loop keychain.

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