Wednesday, April 3, 2019

New Outside Column!

Yes, I've got a new Outside column available FOR FREE on the Internet, and it's all about how cycling is the new love that dare not speak its name:


As for the thing on my face, it was really no big deal, but I do find it ironic that the doctor was very adamant about the importance of wearing a helmet, and yet not once did he recommend that I wear sunscreen.

Funny how that works.

20 comments:

Coline said...

Sunscreen? Not sure we use that in Scotland...

pbateman eats huge pancakes like he eats your mom's ...various said...



F' that doctor and his expensive bills.

I would simply go downtown, take a quarter, and pay a rat to gnaw that thing off your face.

I am not a licensed doctor or medical professional so your results may very, but I have heard some positive outcomes have been achieved using this method.

HDEB said...

Contemporary American society deems it okay to feel hatred towards some groups and to take actions that are likely to result in physical harm.

Don't hate -- spread love : )

Schisthead said...

One of the lines there sounds somewhat realistic until you try a substitution:
"So does this mean if you’re a person on a bike you now get to consider yourself a member of an oppressed minority? Fuck no, get over yourself."

Of course, if you're just owning the , carry on, sorry to waste your time, good luck, I hope you 'win', etc. etc.

P.S. Sorry about the doc. At least he didn't yell 'FAGGOT!'.
P.P.S. If he did and you just didn't report it, I'm really sorry.

dnk said...

Steering the "fanboat of small talk deep into the weeds." (!)

Nice one snob.

Unknown said...

Bicycling to the dentist: "Is it safe?"

Some guy from upstate said...

So you found the one dentist in New York who doesn't own a Serrotta?

(also note: reCaptcha thinks an RV is a bus)

dancesonpedals said...

I regularly get lectured about my lack of a helment by my coworkers when docking my citibike in front of the hospital. (Sometimes with actual finger wagging.)I was pleasantly surprised when the chief of neurosurgery docked her bike right after me, and she was helmetless! I demurred making any comment.

Anonymous said...

But (according to some other guy on Outside) sunscreen is killing you softly and also racist so your doctor is just ahead of the times in that regard!

https://www.outsideonline.com/2380751/sunscreen-sun-exposure-skin-cancer-science

Seriously though, putting sunscreen on my kids every time they go outside makes them hate going outside, which is why they're going to get fat and have a Glorious American Early Coronary. But at least they won't get skin cancer when they're 90, which they won't be, because of the aforementioned heart attack!

OK I think I just convinced myself that sunscreen is long-term child abuse.

pbateman likes all the maids...but particularly the french ones said...

seriously though...can you explain the Tour de France and the whole points thing a bit? i do find it confusing.

i look forward to all manner of in depth touring france coverage and chateau fun facts.

speaking of chateaus.... Your mother and I really enjoy watching Dangerous Liasons. Very fine film and gets her rather in the mood.

also, sorry they had to cut your handsome face snob. hope all is well.

Pist Off said...

Melanoma ain’t nuttin to fuck wit’

Your doctor, however, may be a fuckwit.

Grump said...

When people ask my if I'm not afraid of being killed, I tell them that I've already died three times...……..But I got better...….That usually shuts them up.

Chazu said...

The fanboat metaphor made me happy as a clam. (I'm not a professional author, but I think I just used a simile to describe my appreciation for a metaphor.)

Sorry to hear about the skin cancer, sounds like it was addressed early enough to not be an issue in the future.

Did the dermatologist show it to you after he cut it out of your face?

Al said...

I have been hit and killed on my bike by motorists, twice. Both times I was in the bike (suicide) lane. And both times the motorist said they didn’t see me. So now I’m the Lone Invisible Cyclist of the Apocalypse.

Steve Barner said...

As I was riding into work today, I was thinking about your noting that unfortunate throw away line "Love them or hate them, the cyclists are back." This got me thinking that I'd love to reply with a few substitutions,"Love the them or hate them, the Natve Americans / blacks / police / Jews are back." I think then a long, uncomfortable pause, looking the person right in the eye (tough to do when it's a tweet), would be the killer blow.

In the conversation described today, an effective response might be to say "I want to warn you that you've thought about cyclists only when you see one and then only long enough to decide you don't like them. I am a cyclist, and my safety depends largely on the behavior of drivers, so I think about them a lot. I don't do anything when I ride except think, and I've cycled thousands and thousands of hours. If we get into an argument, you're going to lose, as surely as if you stepped into the ring with a professional boxer. How about we change the subject, before you get your feelings hurt?"

bad boy of the south said...

Sorry that you had to see a dermatologist. Glad that it was no big deal.
As they said in a cinematic feature..."it gets the lotion on the skin..."
Please feel free to fill in the rest.

Dooth said...

I've been blessed with the talent to make the facial expression that says "you're fucking crazy for not riding a bike'" so no one really ever gives me any grief. Thank you, cycling gods.

Arizona hillbilly said...

Sometimes, when someone feels entitled to vent at me about what a piece of shit I am as a cyclist I point out that "You're not in your car now,are you motherfucker?" Sometimes I feel the need to retaliate as well...

rltilley said...

I've had somewhere around 20 basal cells carved outta me along with one large melanoma. People of Irish descent don't belong in SoCal. Glad you were smart and got it out before it got worse. I now ride in the dark or in a full-on Grant Petersen seersucker outfit if it's light out.

Blunchbelly said...

Speaking of helments, cause when aren’t we? The missus and I rode the Pittsburgh to DC mostly off road bicycling tour last summer without taking our helmets. For months before I rehearsed clever retorts to what would be the inevitable shaming to come. To my surprise and delight no one said boo anywhere including the two days toddling around Washington doing th tourist thing. I don’t understand why but I was proactively friendly as is my sometimes annoying way.