Heavy Is The Fred That Wears The Crown

Schools here in New York City are out this week, which means I've got my parenting helmet on pretty much full time:

(By 2021 we'll all be wearing connected helmets for everyday life, just you wait and see.)

This means if you're looking for me and I'm not here, you'll be able to find me over at the Bike Forecast, where you can also get a good sense of what we're dealing with here in this town.  Specifically, you can read about our dolt of a mayor, who regularly says things that reveal the only walking he ever does is from the SUV to the entrance of whatever building he's visiting:

"You don't see cars drive on the sidewalk a whole lot." -- Bill de Blasio pic.twitter.com/Qsfel7xjnI

— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) April 19, 2019

The above mayoral quote was by way of explaining his continued crackdown on delivery people riding ebikes.

And speaking of crackdowns:

NYPD Seizes Bikes Without Bells, Arrests Cyclist Leading Group Ride #bikenyc #VisionZero https://t.co/CbkULD2GYl pic.twitter.com/Xs0HrCohjU

— Gothamist (@Gothamist) April 22, 2019

So basically that's the current state of affairs here in the fairest big city in America.

As for me, I entered a bicycle racing competition this past Sunday, which I'm pleased to report I passed.  In fact, not only did I pass, but I also got a Strava KOM!

This absolutely has to be a mistake, because firstly there's no freaking way I was 23 seconds faster than the next-fastest person:

Secondly, I was clinging desperately to the back of the race the whole time.  So while I suppose it's possible I happened to be moving from the very back to the middle back of the group during that segment and had the benefit of a tailwind on top of it, it's far more likely that my GPS or Strava or both are both wildly inaccurate.

Nevertheless, I'm choosing to file all of the above under "redacted" and wear the crown anyway.  It's the American way.

And finally, speaking of a lack of moral fiber, I've derided both plastic bicycles and cars extensively on this blog (as well as Strava, come to think of it)--and yet I can't speak highly enough of both my plastic bicycle and my Saris SuperClamp EX hitch rack, which I also used in tandem this past weekend:

I don't really drive my bikes places all that much, and for that reason the SuperClamp has proven more or less ideal.  Previously I'd been using a roof rack, and while it does go on and off pretty easily without tools, in practice I'd just been leaving it on there, which seemed like a waste given how infrequently I was using it--and on top of that I couldn't use it to carry a bike like my Jones without resorting to adapters.

The Saris on the other hand is overall less of a hassle to install when needed and then remove when not in use--all you do is unscrew the pin, slide the rack out of the hitch receiver, and you're done.  Plus it carries every one of my bikes, even when they're of wildly disparate sizes:

And while it's not even remotely hard to remove a front wheel and lift a sub-20lb racing bike onto the roof of a car, it's even less hard to put it on a hitch rack without removing anything at all.  And really, isn't being incredibly lazy what driving to the ride is all about?

Of course it is.

Yet at the same time it's also anti-lazy, since I can't just say "Fuck it" and leave it on there, because if I did the extra foot it adds to the length of the vehicle would insure I could never find a parking space ever again.  So I'm diligent about taking it off and returning it to the basement after every excursion.

So I guess what I'm saying is don't get a car, because that way you won't have to worry about this sort of thing in the first place.

You're welcome.