Friday, February 8, 2019

Read My New Outside Column Then Get On Your Bike And Don't Stop Riding Until Monday!

You know what I love about America?  Completely unqualified people get to give parenting advice in mainstream media outlets:


And yes, I do realize that telling people not to bother with fancy bikes for their kids when my own kid rides an Islabikes is wantonly hypocritical, at least on the surface of it:


However, keep in mind I never said you shouldn't give them a fancy bike if it falls into your lap, so there you go.

Hey, I can't help it that the universe sees fit to bestow these lavish cycling gifts upon me.  And don't worry, I pay in other ways.  For while I may have some pretty sweet bikes at my disposal, I spend all my non-cycling time in sackcloth and ashes performing acts of self-flagellation:


(What, no helmets?)

It's true, just check my Strava.

Finally, before I go, I'm going to nudge you over to the Bike Forecast, only because it's important that you understand what we're dealing with at the moment.  Basically, a hit-and-run driver killed a guy on a bike in Midtown, and so after ticketing people on bikes for stuff that's not illegal now the NYPD is just outright tackling them.  Anyway, it's all in the post.

Love,


--Tan Tenovo


33 comments:

Billy said...

I'm not looking forward to the seething, frothing rage that will fill me the first time I am riding with my child and I'm cut off or otherwise endangered by some idiot motorist.

My 9 month old seems ready to ride in a bike seat. Good core muscle control; head is clearly hard as a rock from all the banging into stuff around the house. Any suggestions or tips for child portaging equipment? I'm seriously considering trading in one of my bikes for a Bike Friday Haul-a-day with a kid seat and hooptie on the deck.

theEel said...

WEEEEEED!!!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Billy,

Most important piece of advice I can give for kid-schlepping is to use a bike with a centerstand. Makes your life about a thousand times easier.

--Tan Tenovo

Anonymous said...

My kid got a picture book about Bruno/Harvey mending a puncture by Swedish illustrator Lars Klinting. Funny enough, a lot is translated but not the book about puncture mending or so it seems. On the good side, my kid knows about bikes now, on the downside, we have to deliberately drive over shards so she can have a go...

Chazu said...

Yes, I am currently in the rabbit hole of obsessing over equipment. It's like you read my mind or something.

When I'm President of the United States, the first thing I'm going to do is appoint Mr. Weiss to the position of Secretary of Transportation.

janinedm said...

Oh. My. God. I looked at that video and had a shot of rage adrenaline course through my veins. For anyone who hasn't ridden in the area of this photo, the 9th Avenue bike lane basically from 57th (at least) to the low 40s has a heady mix of hard core construction, trucks making deliveries and torn-up pavement where there had been construction but they haven't fixed the pavement. Every block in this stretch of 9th Ave is eligible for ignoring based on NY's bike path rule, which can be summarized as you must use the bike path unless it's unsafe. So, HE WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG!!! I know you know but I have to say it. HE WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG! Jesus Flipping Christ. What do the police want them to do? Ride against traffic on 8th? Ride on 11th!? Look, my natural superpower is that I couldn't care less about cars. Once I missed a turn in the Bronx and ended up on the Mosholu Parkway and didn't even notice for 3/4 of a mile and when I did notice I was more embarrassed than scared. I say that to say this: I wouldn't bike on 11th Ave.

Lear something new everyday said...

Wow, those NYPD cops are tough on bike riding dudes. Scary stuff. I've only ridden with my sister in the City a few times. She lives downtown and rides all the time to work. I should warn her.

dingbat said...

"You should write about" is the worst kind of comment but help me out with your quick wit (or, fuck it, you've got time, use your slow wit).

What do you say to the concern-troll driver, the one who pulls up next to you and your kids (or, worse, rides along next to you driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on the cell phone) and rolls down the window to say something helpful like: "You shouldn't let those kids ride in the road."?

Shy Anne said...

I quit my job at the BikeShop largely because I was tired of hearing the word “upgrade”.

Anonymous said...

If God wanted us to ride bicycles he wouldn't have put crude oil in the ground or planted the idea of the Fast n Furious movie series in someone's head......

huskerdont said...

Maybe they just tackled that guy in the name of safety 'cause he wasn't wearing a helmet. Doubtless he feels much safer now.

Feckers.

1904 Cadardi said...

Firstly: I've said it before and I'm sorry it needs to be said again but I read the forcast so hear goes "What the hell is wrong with your city?"

Lastly: "Officer Flossy vainly trying to stop the scofflaws on her bicycle is a tragic metaphor for the futility of traffic enforcement in a post-automotive hellscape" Genius! Literary genius!

JLRB said...

"Strapping on a helmet every time you get near a bike is like putting on one of those padded suits every time you approach the family dog"

Youv'e clearly not met my dog

bad boy of the south said...

WTF. That's it. No more five boro bike tour for me. I'm afraid that my bike will be confiscated and I'll be ticketed. Heck,no more gran fondon't either. I might get ticketed and my bikecycle taken into the nearest precinct in the northern environs of big grapple.
(Ok,maybe I'll do the gran fondon't.)
(Oh yeah. I'll do a four boro ride,but leave moonhattan outta the equation)

bad boy of the south said...

Oh c'mon leggo.big grapple? Really.geez.
Snob,the outside article. Spot on.
Crazy reporting in the TA weather report.

Die free said...

Nice entrapment, park the Cruzer in the bike lane then ticket cyclists who go around it for not using the bike lane..

I' they treated drivers like that there would be more cyclists

Anonymous said...

dingbat: This isn't particularly witty but you can always raise the "Oh [mock surprised], how many years have you been biking?" topic. Obviously it's been forever, otherwise they wouldn't have the unmitigated audacity to advise total strangers about it! Ha ha, I jest, there's a 99% chance they're a complete novice.

Or speaking of strangers, you can always quickly retort with something about "You shouldn't mouth off to total strangers; it's unsafe!" then leer menacingly. I like that one. But subtlety is not my strong suit. If you're more subtle and mannerly you can just remind them they're being rude. "I'm sorry, have we been introduced?"

Anonymous said...

Love love love

Steve Barner said...

My stock comment to any motorist bloviation is "Everyone's a critic," and I leave it at that. Be sure to practice the wry half-smile that goes with it. There's nothing like showing someone how much you care.

JLRB said...

My kid schlepping days are mostly over, other than the occasional visit from relatives with young-ins - I've made great use of the burley trailer over the years - nice little roll cage for the little ones - puts them right to sleep. And then it makes a great grocery hauler. I've used it for firewood hauling as well.

My own offspring now takes my bikes and rides around helmentless - despite my nearly always wearing the stupid foam hat. SO much for setting examples.

Anonymous said...

Local Headline this weekend: Woman Who Smashed Bong over Man’s Head Arrested.

The man was taken to the hospital. No word on whether he was wearing a helmet.

Kids, please, dope safely--wear your helmet.

Anonymous said...

Kids' bikes are kind of a Porsche paradox- you have to pay more for less. For $150, you can get a big, heavy, tall suspension fork, a wide, heavy triple crank, and heavy disk brakes. To get a simple bike that is fun to ride and doesn't flop over when the kid tries to stand costs much more.

Haywood Jablome said...

I agree,weed safely

janinedm said...

"...you can always quickly retort with something about "You shouldn't mouth off to total strangers; it's unsafe!" then leer menacingly." I love that one.

Anonymous said...

You could always say "Yeah, distracted drivers sure do kill a lot of people."
Tends to take them off guard when you agree.

JLRB said...

I usually try to go rainman “your an excellent driver”

Nothing better than a walk around in the quiet of a fresh falling snow - tomorrow should be interesting

tubasti said...

Eeek, no disc brakes!

bad boy of the south said...

Nice shout out from the League of American Bicyclists. Good deal.

Bikeboy said...

Billy (on the podium) asked, "Any suggestions or tips for child portaging equipment?"

I'd suggest you take a look at the Wee Ride Kangaroo Bike Seat. When a granddaughter was old enough to start going on rides with Grandpa, her parents gifted it to both of us. I mounted it on my old craigslist beater bike, and it's been a treat for both of us.

Most baby seats are behind the driver. The Wee Ride is mounted (with a quick-release mechanism) in front of the driver. Bonnie was able to see the approaching scenery, rather than Grandpa's glutes. (They're fantastic... but the view never changes.) And just as importantly, we were able to converse, sing songs together, etc. And - I could keep an attentive eye on her. (And a couple times cradle her head in the nook of an elbow after she nodded off... riding home pretty much one-handed.) The seat is on or off in 30 seconds; it adjusts as child's legs get longer. Probably good until a child is 2 1/2 or so.

I have to modify my pedaling slightly - knees separated more to clear the seat at the "up-stroke" - but it's a small price to pay for the quality of experience delivered for both of us.

Bonnie has graduated to a tag-along 1-wheel "trailer" bike, and her brother Clyde is riding in the Wee Ride now. (One at a time; I'm not grandpa enough to take both and keep the whole thing safely upright at stops, etc.)

Schisthead said...

"You know what I love about America? Completely unqualified people"

Don't hate the game, hate the player... XD

Pbateman is not impressed by the officers decision to tackle a m'fer said...

If I ever do get your mom preggo, I'm gonna check into this Wee Rid Kangaroo Bike Seat.

I'm also going to check into changing my name and phone number.

As to how you mofo's manage to bike around that city is astonishing. The video of the cops is rather disgusting. Cops are the f'ing press fit bottom bracket of civil servants sometimes.

Good thing he was riding a steel frame. Can you imagine had that been wood, or bamboo or god forbid carbon? He'd be dead.

HDEB said...

The best bike for my child is my old red BMX : )

Merlin said...

How about less children? All 2 billion of the current ones want a car.