Never Trust Anyone With A Clean Bike

Further to yesterday's post, while the Ironic Orange Julius Bike is the clear leader in my own personal cruddy drivetrain competition, thanks to yesterday's snowfall the Milwaukee is quickly closing in:

It may not look that bad from afar (poor rear fender line notwithstanding), but get a load of this:

I did lube it and wipe it down after riding so hopefully I can keep it working at least until the spring, at which point I'll lavish the bike with some new parts--which it deserves, because it's been a faithful and reliable companion during this warm and wet winter.  And of course I'll put some new tape on the bars while I'm at it:

I often think of bikes as jeans, and currently the Milwaukee is like that pair you wear every day because they're so broken in and comfortable, but you also know that some of those worn spots are bound to give way at any moment and it's only a matter of time before you look down and realize you're inadvertently exposing your "pants yabbies" on the subway.  Indeed, the brake pads are going from saltine thin to credit card thin and I'm probably just a couple more wet rides away from metal-on-metal contact.

But hey, brakes are for "woosies," right?

Of course they are.

Anyway, there's lots of dignity under all the grime:

In fact you could say the grime only makes it more dignified.

Unfortunately, none of this is true of its owner.