Tuesday, January 8, 2019

This Post Has No Name Because I Converted To Tubeless Titles And Couldn't Get It Seated

As I touched upon in that Banjo Brothers thing, I still enjoy riding in the city, even when I'm riding purely "recreationally" and can go wherever I want:


Oh sure, urban riding comes with its fair share of frustrations:


But it also has a lot going for it, especially at this time of year.  See, if you leave the city in the fall you've got all that foliage to gawk at:


And in the springtime everything's all lush and verdant:


But in the winter it's just a bunch of dead trees and shit and the urban backdrop can be considerably more inspiring:


Also, sometimes I'll even take a skateboard with me and mess around if there's nobody else in the skatepark to see how stupid I look.

Of course, when it comes to recreational city riding, some times are better than others.  At this point in my life I no longer derive pleasure from doing battle with automobile traffic, so my very most favoritest time to ride for pleasure inside the city limits is early on a Sunday morning.  If I string together the parks and greenways just right I can get a nice rolling ride in with minimal unclipping and motor-vehicular interference whilst still drawing inspiration from the charged atmosphere of this mighty and vibrant metropolis.

Another interesting aspect of an early Sunday intracity ride is the perspective it gives you on your fellow cyclists.  See, by the time I reach Central Park I'm already well into my ride, while all the other Freds are just rolling out for theirs, and its simultaneously amusing and intimidating to watch the Forces of Fred-dom amassing in preparation for their weekly assault on the roads of suburbia.  The pointed chatter, the matchy-matchy clothes, the double pace line formation...  It's like watching the Huns ready themselves for their attack, only there's no Attila to lead them, just the Garmins and Wahoos that dictate their efforts and record their every pedal stroke.

Then there's me on my wooden bicycle, getting passed like a fibrous meal after a laxative.  I can generally count on at least one person per ride asking me about the Renovo, and this past Sunday it was the rider in shiny head-to-toe Rapha who rolled up on me from behind and demanded more than asked, "Is that bike wood."

"Yep!," I replied, ready to entertain further inquiry.

He then spat in a desultory fashion and spun away towards the GWB without further utterance: no "Cool," no "wow," no "huh," no nothing.  Even a skeptical, "Why?" would have been better than a loogie.  From this sort of behavior its easy to see why the cycle-curious find the whole thing so off-putting.  If I weren't already a world-famous bike blogger with decades of riding experience stuffed down my chamois I might even have been discouraged.  Contrast that to the skateboarder who stuck out his hand and introduced himself to me with a big smile on his face when he entered the park where I was awkwardly attempting to find my footing again (to the extent that I ever had it) after my most recent sprain.  I mean sure, I was embarrassed and left anyway, but the day a seasoned roadie greets an awkward cyclist with such an endearing lack of guile is the day I lace up my ice skates and do double axels in Hell.

I mean it probably helps that the skater was most likely baked out of his mind whereas the typical roadie is full of caffeine and some quasi-legal supplement, but the point still stands.

Speaking of doping, the big news is of course a 90 year-old masters racer has failed a drug test, and I have only one thing to say about that:

I mean come on.

25 comments:

Brad Smith said...

Gold

MolassesChamois said...

Moist!

Ellie said...

Yay! Podium for me? I hate that loogie thing, too.

Brad Smith said...

You don't test for tainted meat, right?

huskerdont said...

Mmm, tainted meat.

I actually ride with a guy who says he's never met a jerk cyclist. I cannot comprehend this, but then, he doesn't think I'm a jerk, so perhaps his standards are to blame.

Pbateman likes his scotch smokey and his women loose said...

I'm still checking into the viability of a tour de islay but have determined that bike rentals are available.

No word on the frame material, the tire size or the smokiness.

Will report back with additional findings.

One question for anyone who has previously traveled to Scotland or islay specifically: are the women of a morally casual nature?

Taint Meat said...


scranus steak?

pbateman does not like eating your rubber said...

about got my smart ass ran the heck over twice on my little afternoon ride:

first, a dick head on an electrically assisted bike doing about 30mph+ zips by within inches of me did not even have the annoying, yet functional, decency of saying "on your left"

fun fact: little electrical bikes dont make a hell of a lot of noise and are pretty much ninja motorcycles that can sneak up and kill you.

second time was totally my fault. thought an F150 was going left. he was not. about got myself a big ol' early dinner consisting of 37inch Cooper tires and a trip to heaven or hell.

fun fact: make sure you know for certain which way the big trucks are going at intersections.

i'm riding on the trails tomorrow. f'ck cars and ninja bikes.

bad boy of the south said...

Isn't "tainted meat" a supremes/soft cell song title?
Most riders I meet( I almost wrote "meat") are not the jerky type.
While I'm on the trail or on the road I get the hi and/or a wave,no loogie.
If I get twenty people passing me with "howya doin'?" then it's all good.
On the other hand,in that mix,and I get nothing in return,it kinda ruins the ride and the guy's an a#@hole.

dnk said...

Is that wood.

HDEB said...

Weed + Skateboard = FUN : )

Unknown said...

The only drug test a 90-year old should be worried about failing is for PSA.

Wesley Bellairs said...

Check out my expensive shit! I'm a rebel, just like all those other f***s.
Just kill me. I bought a heavy '60 Ital frame and am fixing it up at zero cost with stuff I have under my bench. F them.

Al said...

I hope I'm riding a bicycle, smoking weed, drinking beer and ignoring stuff when I'm 90.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Unknown, prostate cancer is a slow-growing cancer.

Actually, a 90-year old needn't worry about an elevated PSA because "natural causes" are almost certainly going to take him before prostate cancer does.

If the 90-year old elects prostate surgery, unfortunately, he is likely to be rendered impotent thereafter.

Persia said...

Yeah, in 40+ years of cycling, I've met *three* friendly roadies. And bazillions of roadies so far up themselves they could look out of their own nostrils. Sad.

JLRB said...


A loogie? You are an azzhat magnet

Man, meat taint,

taint, meat man

huskerdont said...

Pbatemean, I mountain biked* when I was in Scotland. I cannot say for certain if the women are of a morally casual nature because I went with one who already was. I am not entirely sure what she did while I was mountain biking.

*Laggan Wolftrax if interested. Near Loch Laggan. They will drive one to the top if yer soft and haven't htfud yet. It was May, and it snowed. People were wearing shorts.

Anonymous said...

Still praying that they all go back to playing golf......

Haywood Jablome said...

I have nothing of substance to add.Except if I make it close to 90,I'm doing whatever drug makes me feel like I'm not 90.

janine's said...

I think it's possible to never meet a jerky cyclist, depending on circles you frequent. If you stay away from recreational road cyclists, you'll probably have no problems. This is not to say that all or even most recreational road cyclists are jerks, just that the jerks I've met have been of the Velominati/Mean Girls type who judge you because your spoke nipples don't match your socks or whatever their problem is. This is, of course, a very, very small minority as I find most cyclists are desperately eager/exited to find another person who gives a shit. Messengers can be unfriendly, but it usually has more to do with them disliking squares than bikes. I think most people over the age of 18 are injured to crusty punk judgement.

Unknown said...

Try putting some soapy water on your next post title, it should pop right on.

leroy said...

The problem with riding in Prospect Park in the winter is that with the leaves off the trees, you can see the interesting structures and views in the park and you decide you'd rather ramble around the inner roadways then continue doing loops.

Actually, that's not a problem.

Anonymous said...

Sure, a 90-year-old guy “should be able to take whatever the fuck” he wants. I agree. He just shouldn’t do it and then enter a race against guys who didn't. (Of course I've no idea if anyone else was tested--maybe they all broke the rules.)
I will give him brownie points for using Contador's meat-contamination excuse. Must be a racing fan.

Anonymous said...

"You don’t have to drop the drops, but you should bring them higher up and farther back. Not only will this improve your stability, but it will also keep you from pulling a Superman should you manage to go down anyway."
WTF? What bike expert other than you and "self-proclaimed guru" Grant Petersen would make this claim? I hate to break this to you O'Mighty Snob, but putting more of the rider's weight on the rear wheel by moving the handlebars higher up and farther back simply does NOT improve stability.