Wednesday, January 2, 2019

New Year, New Outside Column!

Welcome to 2019!  I promise this is going to be the best 2019 ever!*  And to start things off right, here's a brand new Outside column!**


I hereby warrant that every word contained in this column is true and all your arguments as to why I'm wrong about bike speakers are null and void.

As for my New Year's resolution of 2018 to only ride one bicycle, rest assured I'll be providing a full and accurate accounting very soon.

Now go forth and show this new calendar year who's boss.***

Your's Truely,


--Tan Tenovo

*Specifically refers to AD years.  Void where prohibited.  Hebrew, Chinese, and other non-Gregorian calendars excluded.

**I see this was actually published in 2018, so technically I'm starting things off wrong.

***It's me.  I'm boss.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

find myself in a surprise sprint finish!

Watch and Camera Guy said...

Podium?

pbateman's biscuit is by no means limp said...

if that band had a name i would think it would be the Four Locos, no?

Carcass....pretty heavy with the heavy-osity...

Snob, for 2019 I hope we can expect more recipes and heavy metal recommendations...you know, the normal stuff one expects from a bike blog.

And nudity.

Happy 2019 gang.

Some guy from upstate said...

Ha, I read that last year! Tip: sometimes the artwork appears in "the gram", clueing one in to go check if a new column has "dropped". All I can add is the sentiment applies doubly to wilderness hiking or camping. Also, if using the newfangled technology to listen to music without sharing it with others, maybe leave one earbud out or keep the volume down so you can hear people coming up behind you. I've had this problem a number of times, usually with trail runners, but also bikes.

Also also, podium maybe?

Dooth said...

I'd approve of Richard Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries blasting out of handlebar speakers. Nothing else.

ken e. said...

no, i am the boss. (excepting bruce)

HDEB said...

Batteries are full of yucky toxic junk and are difficult to recycle. A moment of peace in the woods can be restorative.

Uptight Luddite said...

This year, I will follow the Rx label and only operate lightweight machinery.

Anonymous said...

I look forward to your contorted rationalizing re: one bike rule. Please include grant total of actual bikes ridden. I lost count long ago.

hellbelly said...

I've been saying for years that no matter how awesome the music you listen to is, no one wants to hear it. That said, I've been listening to tunes on rides (and when I was skateboarding) since Walkmans were a thing. Headphones/earbuds or whatever are treacherous pretty much all the time; even in the middle of nowhere when you will miss cues that your bike is falling apart beneath you or a critter that desires to mate with yr earhole. Taking one earbud out is poor at best because unless you only listen to mono recordings everything sounds like shit and others will hear the static coming from the loose bud. However, a simple, brilliant and inexpensive solution does exist. I began using Far End Gear's XDU stereo to mono earbuds 3 years ago and they work great. You can hear your music great, not bother anyone and still hear everything around you. https://farendgear.com/xdu/default.php?showprod=ECV1#prodtop These are the simplest and most effective solution I've come across as they blow away those silly and clunky bone conduction speakers.

Kevin Miller said...

People playing that obnoxious crap to stay over stimulated then claiming "my right" is just saying they never learned right from wrong. Teach your kids to not be a@$hiles.

Anonymous said...

"People" can't do anything anymore without the task, job, pastime, etc. having some soundtrack to do it to. I asked my daughter the other day to hand wash the few pots that aren't dishwasherable. After getting "the" look of disgust, she then proceeded to spend 10 minutes setting up her speaker, phone, finding the right playlist, volume, etc., then having to plug in the speaker as the battery was dead, and finally getting it on and going, to spend all of 3 minutes washing the two pots.

And why do I need to hear (crappy pop) music from the most low fidelity speaker while I pump my gas? or Stand in line? Why does (crappy pop) music, in general, have to be present at almost all public places anymore? Music is going to become the new "second hand smoke".........

Prefers birds chirping said...

Starting out the 2019 session with pure gold, Snobby!

"Taking a shitty bike speaker into the woods with you is like bringing one of those small cans of Pringles to a Michelin-starred restaurant."

Sammy said...

This is also an issue whilst snowboarding/skiing. However, with the larger swath of terrain, it's easier to get away from it there.

Billy said...

Artist made an excellent choice of lyrics for the subject.

pbateman is not real f'in plussed about workin for the man and the woman said...

also, coming back to work after pretty much doing nothing except fun stuff (mostly while pretty stoned) is like the freaking Microshift Mezzo of freaking days to come back to work.

i should go ride. that would like totally make more sense.

huskerdont said...

That shit happens at ski resorts too. And it is always the most awful, autotuned, aggro-boy-band shite that could possibly ever be crammed through an amplification system. It's as if they have no shame. As the brother of a former Marine, I can take anything, but mostly I pity the wildlife.

HNY

bad boy of the south said...

I've expelled gaseous emissions in church.
Luckily it wasn't audible,but it doesn't go over well still,as the saying goes.
As far as the speaker thing, I haven't heard any in our neck of the woods.yet.
I have heard them during five boro bikey thing,which I think is kinda ok.
Correct me if I'm wrong on that.
I am way old enough to remember the boom box days but leave it on the utubie soundtrack and not in the woods for lob's sake.
Happy 2019 by the by.

Willie Voltaire said...

THANK YOU for speaking out about the scourge of music while riding. My loathing of this trend makes no exception for urban riders, however, as being subjected to someone's shitty taste in music harshes my buzz on ANY ride. What happened to earbuds??

Anonymous said...

I too admit to liking pringles but in the privacy of my own home.

Matt said...

When I ride alone (mt bike) I carry an ipod shuffle (gen 4) w/ a set of earbuds specifically made for the Shuffle (the Arriva "Eddy"). There are no wires running down my neck/back to the remote ipod location...the shuffle attaches directly to the Eddy and it sits on the back of my neck w/ the buds going to the ears...and I use a large size bud so they won't go into my ear canal and block all sound except for my music...they sit comfortably in the bottom of my ear so I can actually hear everything around me (creaking bike, people talking, mountain lions attacking, etc). I typically only play the music when I'm climbing (I do long climbs where I live...there are many that are an hour+). But if I'm riding w/ anybody I may still carry the buds but they remain turned off if I'm with them, cuz it's RUDE to play music when you are riding w/ a buddy. And even ruder still to play it publicly rather than privately. Never seen anybody here do that (yet).

bad boy of the south said...

Holy crapola! I just realized I can't write.
What is that diatribe up there?

Vend403 said...

Outside article was right on the money. I'm with you - even if I really like the particular music being played, I don't want to hear it when I am on my bike. These days so many people think their lives need a constant sound track.

JLRB said...

I agree with those who agree with you. I do occasionally use a bone conduction type of over-ear buds on tedious rides, but nobody can here them but me. I usually prefer to hear the woosh of air, the singing birds, the barking dogs, the drivers calling me gay - you know - the real soundtrack of life on a bike.

Do I recall correctly a blog from days gone by (or maybe one of your books) where you wrote about someone on a trainer warming up for a race spinning to King Missile - Detachable Penis?

JLRB said...

And by coincidence the nation's Capital passed some transportation related laws at the end of '18:

Good - Increased fines for blocking a bike lane - up from $65 to $150

Also Good - passing a vehicle that stops for pedestrians in a cross-walk doubled up to $500

No Bueno - New $50 fine for bicyclists who ride with "headphones ion both ears" (sounds painful)

What is the fine for drivers with both heads up their azz?

NYCHighwheel said...

Oh great, first BikeSnob ruined Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy for me, now this! I can't hear Dance of the Sugar Plumb Fairy without thinking of a crunchy, frozen, salted bike path that is like a pretzel!

Now when I hear Debussy, I'll think of some Zap Espanizo Duder-Bro blasting it from tiny speakers.

I am also reminded of some of my weekend rides at Sprain. Often the upper picnic area is hosting a large gathering of some sort. Usually black or Hispanic family type events with loud music, BBQ, kids running around, etc. It is kind of fun to hear what gets blasted at different events. The strangest was a weird version of El Jarabe Tapatio-The Mexican Hat Dance, with what I could swear was Speedy Gonzalez samples, and of course, copious amounts of airhorn. If it was a bunch of white people playing it I would have gone and scolded them for what was obviously culturally insensitive or even a downright racist caricature of Hispanic music, but I was the only gringo around. I would imagine that is probably how many people of color feel when they hear white people listening to Country music.

Anonymous said...

How did the ONE bike only year pan out for you tan?

wishiwasmerckx said...

The Captain of Captain and Tennille , dead at 76.

Muskrats declare a national day of mourning.

huskerdont said...

That's a good point; even if it's Sabbath or Fugazi, it's not like I want it imposed on me; far better it be some autotuned shite. You really don't ever want to see some tool listening to your favorite music.

Regarding the DC laws, that's great, but no one here obeys the laws, and there is no enforcement, so it's likely to be business as usual. (Poster on a local forum used the phrase #EnforcementZero -- I'm bitter that I didn't think of it, but I can steal it.)

Anonymous said...

I tried the Bluetooth speaker thing and ultimately I found it unsatisfying. In order to hear it satisfactorily over the city noise it has to be turned up to a level that's obnoxious to everyone else around and draws a bit more attention to me then I'd like. Still it would be nice sometimes when commuting to be able to multi-task and knock down a Pod cast or two without resorting to headphones! - masmojo

Haywood Jablome said...

I only ride one bike at a time. So far,for 59+ years, it has worked out well. I have rode one,and wheeled a broken one alongside,just to get to the LBS,though.