Thursday, October 18, 2018

Go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

It's autumn here in whatever hemisphere this is, and the temperature has finally fallen to match.  It's also stopped raining, and the trails have more or less dried out.  This means I can finally de-couple from Fred-dom and enjoy the decadence of riding an all-terrain bicycle without putting on special clothes.

Not only have I been enjoying the decadence of just hopping on the bike and going without putting on my Underoos, but I've also been taking the simplicty all the way by riding a bicycle that is not equipped with any sort of mechanism for changing gear ratios.  Such bikes are not for everybody, and one can make a fairly strong argument that they're kinda stupid, but when I get on mine I'm this kid again (well, except for the crisp Lee jeans):

On Tuesday I darted down to Highbridge:

And yesterday I went a bit further afield and tackled the forbidding [open dripping blood letters tag] Trails Behind The Mall [close dripping blood letters tag]:

Eveybody knows that one (1) singlespeed mile is like four (4) Fred bike miles, which means that I basically rode 100 miles.  Also, whenever I post a picture of this bike there's always some doofus (whether it's the same doofus or not I have no idea) who comments on the angle of my brake levers, as though I don't know where I fucking want them.  First of all, when you have an old-timey road bike-like bar drop as I do here, it's nice to angle your levers down so your hands aren't at a right angle like you're doing a push-up.  Second of all, when I wear artisanal hand-painted gloves like the ones pictured above, I want to get that whole "French taunting" effect:

As for the gloves, Barry Wicks sent them to me, as he sells them on Etsy.  And since it's peak Riding In Street Clothes season I may have to get a pair of cufflinks from him so I can also ride in a collared shirt:

So there you are, you're totally up to speed.  As you can see, mine is a life of heroic cycling exploits and mind-bending sartorial considerations.  How I manage to get out of bed in the morning, much less get dressed without showering and fuck off for a bike ride, is beyond me.  

I guess I need another ride today to figure it out.


wishiwasmerckx said...


Anonymous said...

Single speed World Championships are right in my own backyard in Bend OR.

Jake said...

Wouldn't"HR" stand for "Hike Snob"?

pbateman is excited to the Supermax said...

Know the only thing that would make that single speed more radical? if it wasn't black. you and the black bikes.

a cool green or neat red or an awesome need some color in your life sir because our color commentary is just not enough.

that BMX is pretty rad. surprised you didnt remove the chain guard to save some grams. though your Lees would be more greasy, less crispy.

speaking of in depth BMX coverage....anyone seen the film BMX Bandits? I was not aware of it, but I now now know four things:

- it has bitchin ass BMX bikes:
- has Nicole Kidman on a bad ass bike:
- features the use of walkie talkies:
- is available on the fire stick using the tubi app

Nicole Kidman is definitely the Dura Ace of hot aussie actresses. I cant wait to watch this with my eyes wide shut.

Bicycle Church said...

Brake levers are wonky

Unknown said...

I always place my break levers on my handlebaars.Nice SS.

JLRB said...


bad thing about Fall is putting on the long pants - never as comfy as the short pants for the pedaling motion mechanics - today's chill required the long pants and the wool sweater and overuse of the word the

STG said...

Snob I need to know why you angle your levers like that. I just want to understand.

pbateman has a tv and firestick in his office but no BMX unfortunately said...

it is official: BMX Bandits is the best movie ever made.

my god how have i never seen this?

escapes from graveyards and mad max style villains hardy boy/girl BMX style?
sick BMX tricks?
sick BMX air?
riding BMX down stairs...a lot?
riding down a water slide with BMX bike in hand?
BMX rugby?
walkie talkies while sitting on your BMX?
getting cash money on your BMX?
fat shaming the fat kid on your BMX?
smacking ass pre-#metoo style on your BMX?

BMX Bandits is the 1984 GT Performer in hot pink with white wheels of BMX films.

F'in AUSsome.

Anonymous said...

So last week I went to watch my 7 year old niece do the bmx racing thing. She's pretty good it turns out as she had qualified for the provincial finals. But while she was leading in the final race her best friend crossed wheels with her and they both went down. They got up and hammered to the finish, tears streaming down their faces. Placed third, probably would have won otherwise.

Anyway, the two girls crying and hugging each other at the finish line was the best part.

BikeSnobNYC said...


I have positioned the levers such that, while operating the bicycle, I am able to use them to actuate the brakes whilst maintaining optimum comfort and leverage vis a vis my hand and wrist position. Similarly, I have also positioned the saddle in such a way as to facilitate pedaling and maintain perineal comfort, and made other similar adjustments to the bicycle that suit my particular physical attributes. I use this approach off the bike too: I select which hole to use on my belt, what size underpants to use, and even configure my cellular phone in a matter that is best suited to my own personal subjective use case.

--Tan Tenovo

Unknown said...

Wilt thou be gracing SSWC with thy presence, sir?

hellbelly said...

I really don't see what the big deal is with yr Engin's brake levers. If they work for you fantastic. If you are standing up most of the time and have no need to get back and low for gnar the position is rather ideal. Great looking bike.

leroy said...

There sure is a lot of bike commuter traffic in the bike lanes this week.

That's a good problem.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Incredibly I can operate them easily from any position on the bike.

--Tan Tenovo

HDEB said...

Horizontal rear dropouts work well on a single speed. I suggest Tan Tenovo ride a BMX as an adult -- lots of fun with very little pretenzion, find zandy pavement at the bottom of a hill and lay some fat skidz with your zeventeen kidz : )

janinedm said...

Is no one else going to say it? Snob, I'm looking at the angle of your brake levers and it's pretty clear you're going to need to buy a new bike.

Uptight Luddite said...

If brake(break) lever(s) were molded(moulded) as one(1) with the handlebar along with the stem, all would stay in fixed and proper position, maintaining Feng shui; keeping indecision and disagreement away.

blunchbelly said...

janinedm, Mr. Tenovo has no need to buy another bike. In due time a small bike manufacturer will grow weary of the daily struggles and offer one his of his products for testing. Six months later there is no one to send the bike back to.

Anonymous said...

Aren't breaks for woosies?

BamaPhred said...

The brake lever haters...”Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries”

Then fling the cow.

Anonymous said...

via kickstarter, zip-on studs for your tires in winter?

I thought I was misreading things, but it really does look like they have zips on there? Brings a whole new level to whatpressureyourunning, it becomes whatziponyourunning, I guess.

dop said...

I have real problems with underwear. Even if I buy a pair with a comfortable waist, after 3 washings, my left nut pops out the leg hole. Does anyone know of a brand of briefs that lets you choose the size of the leghole?

Unknown said...

I have a Schwinn Heavy Duty 1968 vibtavi,that has 0 ( no ) break levers at all. Remarkably waay ahead of their time this is,just think,no more cable stretch, no more comments on break levers angle ,nomore smashed fingers when clipping a tree and flying over the handelbars.!! All you do is backpeddle about 20-25° , with either crank, and the back break actuates like majic!! It's gotta be the next "I gotta have it" thing.

bad boy of the south said...

So....breaking isn't braking?waddy'ya know.okay,time for brakefast.

Velodad said...

Fetchez la vache!

JLRB said...

I'd rather be taunted than tainted

huskerdont said...

No MTB-specific clothing? I'm not sure that's living up to the snob moniker. I guess one could contort a reverse snobbishness and look down on those folks riding in MTB shorts whilst one rips through the dirt in jeans. Yeah, suppose that must be it. Stupid posers in their MTB clothes.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you're excited to hear that you can now Zwift around NYC

Skidmark said...

The way to tell the difference is: Pedals are metal and peddles are plastic.

Anonymous said...

I believe STG is just 'talking trash' implying you never try to sit on your rear wheel on descents, which is such an awesome 0.02% of mountain riding, all fans of such riding should set up all bikes to be comfortably capable to do so, as is the fashion with droopers and sproingy bikes with heavily advertised geometric technological superiority.

Oh yeah, and don't pick the wrong wheel size either, lame-0's.

AwfulWaffle said...

You seriously bought those gloves? He just sharpies cheap hardware work gloves!

Elderberries said...

Hey Snob,
I can commiserate with the lambasting you take over your brake levers. Personally I like to mount mine perpendicular to my seat post on the rear facing side so this way when I have to brake I am doing so by riding no hands and giving myself the slowest reaction time possible to any emergency situations. This also shows that I am hardcore and no F's given ;)

Dad jokes said...

Why can't a bicycle stand upright on its own?

Because it is two tired.

BikeSnobNYC said...



(I didn't buy the gloves, he sent them to me awhile back.)

--Tan Tenovo

pbateman rides one speed and that is dangerous speed said...

I'll tell you who tan's some hide....BMX Bandits.

Smacking ass and gettin' cash.

That's the BMX life. It may be single speed, but its fast and fraught with danger.

The 2019 limited edition is going on sale soon.
And it comes with Gravelkings of all things.

Snob, please never test their bikes. We can't lose another bike maker.

N/A said...

What kinda stubby nubbins do you wankers have at the end of your hands? I place my levers angled way down low, but since I have fingers I am able to actuate them with no issue.

Janine is right, though. Tan needs a whole new bike. Who can ride a bike with such controversial lever action? Life is too short, bruh.

Bateman, that's a good movie. Have you seen Gleaming The Cube? Same era, same great feels.

tobeistobex said...

I figured you procured the gloves from a CBs show in 87 and blinged them out.

Anonymous said...

I mount my brake levers on my seat post. Keeps me from stopping prematurely.

Unknown said...

I was reading a magazine article from 1958 - written by someone with a non de plume of Car Snob - he was reviewing the Edsel that Ford lent him

Lawyer Lipps, Inc. said...

Sign up for a BIG RIPPER 29" when your resolution list enrollment period starts in November.

Schisthead said...


When you say "Incredibly I can operate them easily from any position on the bike.", do you mean that literally as literally used to be defined, or literally as literally is now defined, which is synonymous with 'Bullshit', implying that you are, in all seriousness, being credible rather than incredible?

I'm guessing the latter, but I only hear the words for what they mean.
Know what I mean?

dindelus said...

Are those Avid BB-7s? Best mechanical brake IMO.