Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Shoal-ly You Jest

Is there a scarier sign than this?


I haven't been so spooked by signage since the Great Coyote Scare of 2018:


Fortunately I've been studying up just in case I have to take legal action against anybody in the event I fall victim to a triathlete and/or wild animal attack:


What kid wouldn't want to be a lawyer after looking at that inspirational cover?

Alas, the message it sends is that you can be a lawyer just as long as you're a balding white man...which I guess means I'd better go to law school:


We're partners in the law firm of Fredly and Schmendrick, LLC.

(And don't ask what I'm doing with that book, that's abysmal imaging work even by the lowly standards of this blog.)

I am pleased to report that this morning's ride was blissfully triathlete- and coyote-free:


And the Milwaukee continues to serve me exceedingly well on my mixed-terrain rambles:


If you're wondering #whatpressureyourunning, I went with 199psi on the rear and 2psi on the front, and it was perfection.  Sheer perfection.  

Finally, as we move into July 4th, let's take a moment to meditate on the urgent need to heal our increasingly fraught relationship with our neighbors to the north:

Yes, shoaling remains the subject of much discourse, and I daresay it's the most pressing issue of our time:



Eben Weiss concludes by saying “I daresay one of Canada's trademark apologies is in order.” He is right. And while Canadians may be boycotting American ketchup, bourbon and “preserved meat of bovine, other than in cans or glass jars”, in response to the Trump Tariffs, we will never boycott the Bike Snob. As a Canadian, I unreservedly say:

Sorry.

I was duly moved by this apology, though what most American's don't know is that in Canada the apology doesn't really count unless it's also issued in French.  That's how they fool us Americans--it's basically the same as crossing your fingers behind your back.  Also, I'm afraid to say I've been forced to impose a tariff on this blog, which means if you're reading it north of the border you're going to have to pay a 50% premium on the current retail price of zero dollars.

The bike culture trade wars will destroy us all.

36 comments:

Wile E. said...

First.

Not to comment but to make the mix-the-triathlete-and-coyotes-to-solve-both-problems-at-once joke.free:

babble on said...

sorry, not sorry

N/A said...

That pic of your Milwaukee alongside that pond (river, lake, overwhelmed septic tank?) is quite the idyllic scene. That looks like just the spot for a mid-ride beer and a nap.

dnk said...

To all Canadians: I hope your tariffs do the trick & put Trump voters out of work.

As a matter of fact, the Trump voters that I know & love (family members in the midwest) are already out of work --- mostly because they:

1. Never got beyond high school (some of them never got through high school)

2. Too fucking lazy to go out & get a job

3. Sit around griping about the people they see around them who are actually working (immigrants)

4. Hope that voting for a racist fuckup reality tv personality who bankrupts everything he touches (casinos, hotels, a "university," the entire United States Football League) will give them the sense of self-worth they never bothered to earn on their own.

JLRB said...

1. A good day to ride somewhere shady

2. Tariffs = Make Depressions Great Again.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry in French. Don't want to make a mess of it with google translate and my High School French is long past me.

Anonymous said...

The city for which your Milwaukee was named also sits next to a pond. I guess that means you’re riding a metaphor.

Chazu said...

We're not jesting. And stop calling us Shoal-ly.

dancesonpedals said...

Brutally hot at the triathlon Sunday. Wetsuit felt like a portable sauna.

Great to descend on the Henry Hudson Parkway at WooHoo minus 6.

The run portion was a jog portion. A course marshall rode along my grupetto and joked about what a great day it was for a triathlon. "Nice and cool, 50 degrees, overcast skies!"
I told him to blow me. Much derisive laughter was directed at the marshall, and I was spared the dreaded Black Card for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Billy said...

Wouldn't your One True Bike, the Ol' Piney, serve as well on a mixed terrain ramble? At this rate, you might as well become a triathlete and start getting your runs in during your rides. Maybe you can store your bikes across the river, swim to them, enjoy your ride (if you can while damp), and then run home after.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon@11:50, je suis desole that you have forgotten all of your high school French.

Pius j'aille somewhere in microsoft word to discover how to type an accent aigu?

Anonymous said...

Plus those Canadians now don't let you ride your bike into there county but corral riders onto a ford Econoline shuttle van. Merci.

BamaPhred said...

Enjoy the 4th
come back on the 5th with the same fingers as you had on the 3rd!

HDEB said...

Bald White Men rule the world ; )

bad boy of the south said...

ms.babble.welcome back.

bad boy of the south said...

shoal 'nuff

Anonymous said...

This makes you wonder whether Toronto is in Canada or in Murica...

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2018/07/03/woman-accused-of-firing-shotgun-at-pedestrian-in-moss-park-road-rage-attack.html

Lloyd Alter said...

Je suis tellement désolé.

N/A said...

"BamaPhred said...
come back on the 5th with the same fingers as you had on the 3rd!"


Don't tell Tan Tenovo how to live his life!

Fourhourerection said...

Excuses acceptées, Lloyd Alter. (Crosses fingers behind back)

ken e. said...

anon 3:55pm,
speaking from experience, torontonians take their road rage quite seriously. the only person to ever pick a fight with me over a contested parking space had ontario plates on his car. it just made me deeply, deeply confused, and my response of "are you fucking kidding?" did not escalate things in the manner he had hoped. bonus points, what is ponderous en francais? (no cheating)

wishiwasmerckx said...

If you go to the Outside Magazine website, you will find BSNYC's work under the "culture" tab.

Not sure how I feel about that one...

bad boy of the south said...

Took stewardship of a '17 pine mountain today.wish me luck.

Anonymous said...

Shoaling's quite funny, thought, because the shoalers always think that they're more important or faster than you. Hi-viz, one pannier, creaking left crank, usually. Sit on their shoulder and force their pace, 'cos they won't tolerate you overtaking. Break them.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

@wishiwasmerckx

alt and 0233 will give you désolé...

hey nonny mouse

JLRB said...

é
é
it works!

speaking of works - why did I bother coming to the office today? But for the ride here it would be a complete waste.

Drock said...

Economy theory in Canada with money called loonie. Take it seriously man!

pbateman says: FREEDOM! GET SOME! said...

canadians are boycotting bourbon? hahahaha.

most sensible people have been boycotting canadian whiskey for their entire lives because its so ungodly terrible.

you silly hockey playing frenchmen.

to everyone else - Hope you had a safe 4th and hope the American Freedom Eagles put a new rifle under your Freedom Tree.

leroy said...

What size tires are you running on the Milwaukee?

Asking for a friend.

JLRB said...

I Can Be a Blogger

leroy said...

Ride safe all!

BamaPhred said...

I hope Tan Tenovo gets his fingers glued back on and come back next week!

pbateman drinks bordeaux while reading Snob said...

@bama

he's gonna need all 10 fingers to provide all the in-depth coverage of the tour de france we've come to love and expect

from the daily stage thrills and spills to the exhaustive technical analysis of who's riding dick breaks and who's likely just a doping luddite.

and lets not forget his absolutely charming suggestions for which bordeaux's pair best with what cheese and which chateau you should eat them in.

so grab on to the BikeSnobFRANCE wheel and don't drop off the pace - its going to be tres vite mon ami!

JLRB said...

don't forget to wear your skinsuit for today's ride about town to honor team time trial day

A. T. Lane said...

Heinz ketchup and kentucky bourban, I can live without. Living sans Eben Weiss however, I would never know what shoaling meant. Je m'excuse en français et en anglais.

Joe McNamara said...

It's too late to say sorry now.