You know how it is: when that window starts going down you know with 100% certainty that something stupid's gonna come out of it. Maybe it's just a "Duh, where am I?," or maybe it's a full-on slur, but regardless, it's time someone engaged the child lock on these fuckers once and for all.
Why Ol' Piney instead of the Jones? Well I had to bring The Car The Bank Owns Until I Finish Paying Them Back to the garage, I wanted to go for a ride after, and my roof rack won't accept thru-axles.
Don't worry, I didn't address any cyclists during my brief drive. Well, except the roadie I tailed for 15 minutes and then pulled alongside so I could subject him to a tedious analysis of his pedal stroke.
That doesn't count, right?
By the way, when the gasoline-powered recumbent is finished at the garage it should have a hitch receiver on it, which should greatly facilitate chubby bike haulage. I do have my reservations though, because when they asked me what I was going to be carrying and I replied, "Bicycles," they acted really relieved. I probably should have said "Boat" so they'd think I was towing something heavy, but now that they know it's just some bikes they'll probably stick the receiver on there with bubble gum and hose clamps.
(Also, if you're wondering why someone who writes so much about the evils of automobiles uses one himself, it's only because I'm a gigantic hypocrite.)
Speaking of the Jones and unsolicited critiques, here's a comment someone left on yesterday's post:
Get a thudbuster! Hard tails really need one. Also the bike is clearly too small for you . So thudbuster and shorter stem will make it greater.
Firstly, in all my commentary about this bike, where was the part where I complained about the goddman bumps? My whole thing is that I like riding bikes without suspension. So why, after finally procuring a bike from Jeff Jones, a lavishly bearded man who has dedicated his entire career to crafting suspension-free bicycles, would I put a bouncy seatpost of all things on it? I mean if someone wants to use a Thudbuster then by all means go for it, but come on.
Secondly, the bike is not too small. The recommended height for the medium is 5'7" to 6'2". I am 5'10" soaking wet. (I'm taller when dry because of my hair.) Also, I don't know Jeff well, but based on my interactions with him it's clear he's a very thorough individual, and not the sort of person who's wont to send you the wrong size bike when he's launching a new career-defining product. And if it's the spacers that are throwing you, keep in mind you gotta have room for the truss fork when you really go Full Jones:
Penultimately, here's another comment from yesterday:
Pabateman said...
Snob, I would be excited by a new bike too, hell, i used to be excited by one when i dropped the frame off for fresh fresh fresh yellow paint about 7 weeks ago....
But you couldn't cobble together one line about stage 9?
Kidding. Just wanted to say cobble. But was nice sunday race for fans of 25 to 28mm
32 is best though. Science and Lob have seemed it true.
I did watch Stage 9. In fact, I was enjoying it so much I didn't even bother going for a ride myself. Also, I think the excitement of the stage sort of permeated the household, because afterwards I took my three year-old outside and he rode a bike with pedals for the very first time:
Now every single member of the household except for the cat can ride a bike, which means my work here is done and fatherhood is just coasting from here on in.
(He insisted on the helmet by the way.)
Finally, yesterday I rode the forbidding Trails Behind the Mall, and on the way there I passed some police activity which turned out to be this:
YONKERS - A man who was found dead near Tuckahoe Road Monday morning was shot "numerous times," police said.
Police said Monday evening they are investigating the suspicious death.
Just another idyllic day out on the bike.
52 comments:
"...my three year-old outside and he rode a bike with pedals for the very first time..."
Seat is too low.
Yeah, I prefer drivers keep their windows up at all times. Especially if they're smoking.
But it's okay for me to roll mine down. I'm a hypocrite too. But not a smoker.
If I were any sort of geology fred I would know what type of metamorphic rock o'l piney is resting on.
I love me some pistachios
I am likely repeating myself, but I still remember the pearls of wisdom a passing driver shared with me many decades ago as a young lad riding a bike - "your back wheel is going forwards"
Why oh why is that stuck in my head?
ps - the automobile repair shop was probably concerned more about your automobile's towing capacity than the ability to install the hitch, and/or whether or not they needed to fuss with the wiring harness
Snob, I just skimmed your post, but the main take away was you like people telling you what to do. You've had a cat for like, ever now. When are you going to teach it to ride a bike already? Gawd.
Oh, and "it's only because I'm a gigantic hypocrite." I'll have to remember that one. Classic.
I was going to make a snarky comment about the driver thanking you for stopping/ random person thinking anybody gives a damn about what they have to say, then was overwhelmed with the irony of it all, and deleted what I had written.
Glad to see your littlest is moving on up the progression of bikes. It's awesome to be able to do something you truly enjoy with your kids. Won't be long before they're shattering your Strava segments and mocking you for being old. Haha, kids, man. *wipes tear from eye*
JLRB,
Thank you for taking that so literally.
--Tan Tenovo
Oh, JLRB's comment reminded me that wanted to say: I've personally always found hitch-mounted racks to be way friggin' easier to deal with than roof racks. Also, (I know this is probably all in my head and not a real thing) I've always felt like they should be less stress-causing on the forks/wheels, too.
Loved the picture of the tree-lined, idyllic 1/4 mile driveway leading up to your mansion in the Bronx.
Would hate to see Snob III have to learn to ride a bike on a public street or anything.
I don't consider it hypocritical to be anti-car and still need to have a car. I mean, not that you need my approval, but whatever.
Sincerely,
A guy who just rode home from work to get his car and come back because he left this morning without looking at the weather and hadn't realized there were going to be heavy thunderstorms during his commute home. Oh and this would have been the third time getting caught unprepared in as many weeks, so screw that I'm driving.
I thought that's what the Tour was for, not riding when it's 117 degrees Farengrade and instead watching other fools suffer. That's what Ima do post haste.
I only ride on the Rest Day.
In '09, I called 911 to report a van versus pedestrian altercation. The pedestrian prevailed in the conflict. He had a 9mm handgun. I was a pedestrian myself, and walked right up to the dead guy's driver-side window. His tunes were still thumping from the kick ass stereo in the van. I examined the bullet holes in the 70's era van, and the brass shell casings in the middle of North Capitol street. But I opted to not look further into the van where the corpse was located. I mean, I've seen dead bodies before, but I didn't want to catch a glimpse of a fresh head shot.
As a bonus, I walked the short distance home where I retrieved my wife and our newborn baby, and we had a chance to see the Mayor and the Chief of Police up close, in person, as they were giving interviews for a local TV news crew that showed up to tell everyone about yet another drug-related murder. And I was subpoenaed as a witness in the murder trial.
Thanks for reading all that (or not). In any case, it was cathartic to write it. I need to work that shit out.
I wonder what the Yonkers police found suspicious about a man found shot 12 times.
My favorite driver window interaction occurred on a quiet back road near Bear Mountain a couple of summers ago.
I was getting directions from a local cyclist at a stop sign when an old guy (and old compared to me is really saying something) rolled up in a Chevy Suburban land yacht to lean out his window and say "That's okay, just take up the whole road."
I thought he was a friend of the local cyclist, making a joke.
He wasn't.
He was serious.
(A Chevy Suburban is almost 19 feet long and weighs more than 2500 lbs.)
"You are gonna cause a axe-e-dent!" said a passenger through a retracted window on a motor vehicle. This was on a two-lane country road in rural Maryland with precisely zero other motor vehicles within view.
The driver stopped for a stop sign about a quarter of a mile ahead. I rolled up to the passenger window and said "You know, if you got some exercise, you might feel better about yourself." (hey, I was younger and more of a risk taker at the time)
She responded with "Yeah! 'Cause I'm a fat bitch!" and the driver hit the gas, making a left turn away from me.
Great work on the Outside article.
It's funny you should bring it up, but oddly I had THREE people ask for assistance yesterday as opposed to the normal; None!
One had Google maps, but still couldn't find the train station, Second was similarly Google challenged and the third who had lost her dog thought I might know where it was? Like you, I thought "hmmm are cyclist now the arbiters of directional knowledge?"
Makes sense though, we typically know all the back ways around town and avoid the Chaotic streets, but who would have guessed that drivers would know that we know!?
I've taught at least 6 kids how to ride bikes, but my Daughter's brain refuses to process the instruction. She can throw an axial perched on two little razor blades of metal while gliding on ice, do somersaults on a trampoline, Jump up in the air and land on a 4" wide beam without cracking open her skull, etc., BUT she can't guide a contraption with two giant gyroscopes for wheels down the road without falling over!!!!!!!! What's your secret????????
-masmojo
I kind of like giving directions to people who are hopelessly lost; fun to have drivers humble themselves by having to ask a lowly bicyclist for directions. I live about 20 miles north of the Denver Airport (the middle of nowhere) and ocassionaly people stop me looking for directions. Is your flight going to Chicago? If so you might as well just drive at this point.
Leroy, I'd be willing to bet (not looking it up) that a Suburban weighs at least twice that much. Likely more. And they almost invariably only contain <2 people, neither of whom is a capable pilot of the damn thing.
Are you really a (male) cyclist if the orientation/prowess/bottom bracket of your sexuality isn't addressed apropos of nothing by a passing motorist at least once a season? At this point, it's basically how I know the season has kicked off.
It would be inconsiderate not to help a stranger dispose of a body...
What I love about certain cyclist/motorist verbal interaction is when the motorist speeds past me yelling some instructions and or insults. All I ever hear is some disjointed human noise blowing in the slipstream of their freedom machine. BMUFL!!
Busta thud in yo ass.
Leroy said the Suburban weighed more than 2500 lbs. This is true, depending on the model, they top out at more than 6200 lbs, and that’s unloaded. I call them landwhales.
" ... the sort of person who's wont to send you ... "
--> it looks WRONG but it's OH SO RIGHT!!!!
grammarily speaking...
VERY CORRECT, snob!
I have been uncertain and conflicted, at times, upon just which finger(s) to hold aloft. I think all five(5) is good.
Your three-year-old may have mastered riding a bike with pedals, but judging by that photo, he still has a problem riding a bike near puddles — maybe the tyres weren't properly orientated for water displacement?
I find this heartening
(And hope the rider is better)
Anonymous 7:27pm,
Good eye, he did fall into one of the puddles a little later.
--Tan Tenovo
Talking abou unloading bodies and your linky story about tuckahoe road.coincidence?
About...the word is about.
D'oh!
thank lob you wouldn't consider a thudbuster...which i had to google. never knew that is what those things are called.
you can't pretend to be a snob and put something that horrendous on a bike. a middle aged slobby person with wet jorts and bbq sauce on their shirt might ride one of those, but a real Snob would not do that do their bicycle.
Ugh, this calls to mind the ex-boyfriend who insisted on shouting words of encouragement from his car at a woman toiling her way up a steep hill coming the other way. We were stopped at a light, and he pointed her out to me sympathetically. My heart dropped the second he began lowering his window.
"Oh no. Please do not shout anything at that woman," I said.
"I'm being supportive! This is a tough hill!" he said.
"She's not going to hear that. She's just going to hear some dude in a car shouting something at her."
"Don't be silly! I'm being nice!"
"Look, women on the street hear random dudes shouting at them from cars and I promise you, the first thing they think is not 'oh gee what a nice guy.'"
"You're being ridiculous," he said.
So of course he shouted something unintelligible like "Way to go" or "You can do it!" at her, she startled for a moment before ignoring him, and he rolled up his window feeling very pleased with himself.
Tan Tanovo @1:34 - Your literally welcome!
My literal taking is based on having installed my own hitch and thinking - this is good enough for my bikecycle rack, but if I ever decide to tow anything I better have a mechanic look this over.
Best thing I ever heard from a car window was a few years back.
I was laboring up a small hill on River Road when some kids in a car came around me, hanging a boom box out the window to blast the theme from Rocky.
Cracked me up.
But in a good way.
ps - coincidentally my teenage son was subjected to his first shout from a motorized vehicle driver when he and a friend were out bikecyling around the neighborhood yesterday. I tried to explain ...
Can't really complain when someone tries to give me encouragement because it so rarely happens. Of course, I'm a dude and not of the other gender.
Do I feel smug when I'm at a stop sign on my bike and see some old fat person sitting in a gigantic landtanker smoking a butt and drinking a cola? Yeah, I admit I do.
Did Outside not publicize this article on their Facebook page? I don't see it referenced there.
Not one driver talks to me and I feel so left out. No asking for directions, no words of encouragement, no insults. Can’t they see that I’m all warmth and human kindness?!!!
"Mr. Tenovo,
Could you describe in detail your whereabouts in the hour before you headed to the trails behind the mall?"
"We have heard you may have been involved in a verbal altercation with a motorist, and
were ticketed violating traffic laws within recent weeks."
"Do you own a gun, Mr. Tenovo?"
Strava gives him an iron-clad alibi. Of course, he could have strapped his GPS device to a dog while he committed the crime.
I get a bunch and 90% of the time I don't mind. First, they can only say something if they see me and whether they approve or disapprove I'm just glad they were looking up. Also, about 70% of it the observation "I see you all the time on your bike" or a variation on "I saw you on 145th; how did we get to Columbus Circle at the same time!?" Which gives me the opening, red light permitting, to proselytize about the relative ease and convenience of cycling in the city. Once, I was coming back from the Bronx with a belly full of beer and burgers and pushing up that hill on the Harlem side of the 145th street bridge. An old dude in a very old car (I don't know my cars, but it was, like Shaft old) yelled, "I used to bike that hill when I was young; keep pushing!" It may have been the tone of his voice which was wholly supportive, but it helped. Also, when I'm doing a Tan Tenovo no-no and listening to Bhangra on my bluetooth speakers, every Indian cab driver in hearing distance gets super excited and usually says "That's INDIAN MUSIC!!1!!!!"
Next time you squeeze by a driver when he's stuck in traffic straddling a bike lane and moving slowly, just knock on their fender to let them know. I'm sure they'll roll down the window to say Hi !
As one woman cyclist, the most common vehicle/cyclist interactions I get are passive-aggressive criticism and asking for directions. Just this week, I was walking my bike up the ramp at work in the parking garage to get to the bike room and a construction worker who recently parked said, "you are literally the only biker I have seen that has walked your bike in the parking garage (in a deragatory passive aggressive way)" as if I should answer for every other biker. There are signs in the garage saying cyclists are to dismount their bikes in the garage which is just stupid if you can drive in the garage. I responded by saying, "I normally ride as well and this is the first time I haven't because I got off my bike near the entrance thinking I would grab the bike rack there but it was already full and didn't bother to hop back on." He was non-plussed. I don't mind the asking for directions but usually this has occured where it is not a danger to me. I do like the fact they need help from a cyclist and hope they will remember that the next time one is riding in front of their car. I do get frustrated with the "compliments" that are made to have me account for other cyclists' behavior. I called a bus driver out on it once. After I did something with my bike I was suppose to do the bus driver asked me why cyclist don't do "X" and I responded that I am not a representative for all cyclists so why was she asking me. I don't want to hear the complaining about perceived poor cyclist behavior when I am not the one who did whatever it is they don't like.
The "words of concern" happens most to me with non-car interactions when people see me with my helmet or with some thing that shows I was near a bike recently. This happens at work a lot in the lunch room in the morning, where I will be asked "aren't you afraid, isn't it dangerous, or I am not as brave as you (which infers I am doing something dangerous)." I guarantee they don't do this with as much frequency with the my male coworkers. It also happens when I arrive on first or second dates via bike. When go to head home the guys seem overly concerned about my safety, where they would not be acting the same way if I had driven there. It is annoying.
TRIP YROX
For me, it goes both ways... I'm an active cycler but when I'm in the car, I often see some guys who could get some nice words from me. These are mainly couriers with fixies.
And when I'm on the bike, someone is always passing the bike lane and trying to hit me, or ignoring red lights and going straight through the junction. There is no general rule, there are sh1theads among bikers and drivers as well.
David - emobilityhq.com
Hell is other people.
"You know how it is: when that window starts going down you know with 100% certainty that something stupid's gonna come out of it."
Yes. But! There was that ONE time I was riding in the bike lane and was nearly left hooked by a moronic driver (remember everything is opposite as I'm in Australia), followed by a battered looking station wagon which slowed down and the window rolled down... uh-oh I thought as I prepared for a loud blast of GEDDOFFTHEFUCKENROAD... Instead the driver said "Are you all right? That idiot nearly left hooked you!! Sure you're OK?.. righto then" and away he went. Incredible!
I also have a story of the one time I had a positive interaction with a motorist! (From a decade of bike commuting in NYC.) We were both stopped at a light and he rolled down the window and said "your lights are off". Which was true! My bike has lights, which were off, and it was getting dark. I normally do turn them on, but this time I didn't quite notice the dusk... when I started my trip an hour earlier, there was plenty of light.
Decades ago I had a 5-speed Schwinn Tandem Deluxe. 64 lbs stock. People would yell at us all the time. Usually to inform me the person in back wasn't pedaling. It was almost always friendly. Of course, there was a good chance I had either my mother, sister, niece or nephew on the back. Any other bike, completely different story. I commuted to work for 35 years and in the early days co-workers would always tell me about some bicyclist breaking some law. As long as drivers weren't aggressive or being assholes, it hardly even registers.
"I wonder what the Yonkers police found suspicious about a man found shot 12 times."
I know. It was obviously suicide.
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