Putting on my smugness cap for a moment, please allow me to foist upon you my latest entry in Reclaim, the Transportation Alternatives magazine:
As it happens, this very morning on my ride I watched someone in one of those douche-tastic Dodge Durango SRT "performance SUVs" complete with Blue Lives Matter sticker and rear windshield decal in the shape of an assault rifle with the word "Freedom" stenciled over it run a solid red light. This is of course in no way remarkable, though for the first time it occurred to me that the nice thing about Blue Lives Matter stickers is that when you see one you know there's a 100% chance the driver is going to run the light, and a 75% chance he's going to fuck with you somehow. (They should expand the stickers to say "Blue Lives Matter...But Crosswalks Don't" since that's where you'll usually find them parked.)
One highlight was my artisanal lunch stop, during which a woman casually asked me to hold onto her dog while she got coffee:
On one hand, I was kind of put off by the cavalier attitude with which she approached me, as though she took it for granted that there was no way I was going to say anything but "yes." In fact, she pretty much put the leash in my hand and walked away before I'd even processed what was happening. On the other hand, I was just sitting there, and really there was no reason I couldn't hold onto the dog, so maybe I should just loosen up and be more accommodating. I dunno, I guess it's sort of the human condition to go through life wondering "Does all of humanity suck or is it just me?" As for the dog, it had little interest in me, and I don't even know anything about the dog as the owner didn't bother to introduce us properly and I was afraid to check its genitals to determine the gender. You'd think she could have at least introduced us, like "Hello, would you mind looking after my dog, Philip? He enjoys cream cheese and the smell of dirty laundry." Nope. Instead she just dumped the thing on me and we sat there awkwardly together like two patients in a gastroenterologist's waiting room.
Also noteworthy was that I saw the immediate aftermath of a really nasty car crash on Route 9 in Yonkers--so immediate that traffic was only just beginning to back up and a bystander was still in the middle of placing the 911 call. Both cars were completely destroyed, and I'd be stunned if there were no serious injuries or worse. The airbags had deployed in one vehicle, and the other vehicle appeared to predate airbags, which gave me a full view of a driver who appeared to be barely conscious. Fortunately this was in sight of a hospital, and clearly there was nothing I could do except appreciate my own good fortune, and so I continued on as the sirens began to sound behind me.
And was only just as I sat down to start typing this that I saw the latest news:
On one hand, I was kind of put off by the cavalier attitude with which she approached me, as though she took it for granted that there was no way I was going to say anything but "yes." In fact, she pretty much put the leash in my hand and walked away before I'd even processed what was happening. On the other hand, I was just sitting there, and really there was no reason I couldn't hold onto the dog, so maybe I should just loosen up and be more accommodating. I dunno, I guess it's sort of the human condition to go through life wondering "Does all of humanity suck or is it just me?" As for the dog, it had little interest in me, and I don't even know anything about the dog as the owner didn't bother to introduce us properly and I was afraid to check its genitals to determine the gender. You'd think she could have at least introduced us, like "Hello, would you mind looking after my dog, Philip? He enjoys cream cheese and the smell of dirty laundry." Nope. Instead she just dumped the thing on me and we sat there awkwardly together like two patients in a gastroenterologist's waiting room.
Also noteworthy was that I saw the immediate aftermath of a really nasty car crash on Route 9 in Yonkers--so immediate that traffic was only just beginning to back up and a bystander was still in the middle of placing the 911 call. Both cars were completely destroyed, and I'd be stunned if there were no serious injuries or worse. The airbags had deployed in one vehicle, and the other vehicle appeared to predate airbags, which gave me a full view of a driver who appeared to be barely conscious. Fortunately this was in sight of a hospital, and clearly there was nothing I could do except appreciate my own good fortune, and so I continued on as the sirens began to sound behind me.
And was only just as I sat down to start typing this that I saw the latest news:
Freedom indeed.‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://t.co/eXR1qR75zb pic.twitter.com/kPUGL7zAzn
— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 18, 2018
49 comments:
wish i had something relevant to say.
podium?
Sure are a lot of problems that we can't solve in Our Great Nation
At least you didn’t have to pump up the dog, or did you. Heh heh heh.
Maybe speed cameras in school zones will eliminate the need for speed bumps.
You handled the dog thing all wrong. You should not have relied on an introduction for the owner, but instead, as soon as the women left, you needed to establish yourself as the “alpha” in the dog’s “pack.” That is what the dog was waiting for and expecting, you can clearly see that in the dog’s “eyes” in the “photo” you “posted.”
You handled the dog thing all wrong. You should not have let the woman just give you the leash and walk off, as if you owed her a favor, but instead you should have let the dog wander off, of even better let someone else dog nap it. When the woman came back and asked where her dog was, you should have said you had never seen her in your life, and you have no idea what dog she is talking about.
You handled the dog thing all wrong. You should not have let the woman go off without you saying anything, but instead you should have said, as sweetly as you could, “Off course, Ma’am I’ll be happy to look after your wonderful dog!” When she got back, she should have found you have killed and were eating the dog raw. You had stopped for lunch, didn’t you?
A presumptive pushy new york dog owner?
I nearly shit myself from surprise
OK, interested piqued. What do your socks say? (I already know what the fox says)
Are those Budwiser socks?
"Does all of humanity suck or is it just me?
I assume you meant "Does all of humanity suck or is it just me" that thinks that way. Otherwise it sounds like it is either just you that sucks; OR Everyone else that sucks.
Actually almost everyone else sucks, but not you. So either way it is not true that "all of humanity sucks" (almost but not quite everyone).
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."
K. Kristofferson, Rhodes Scholar
Ride safe all.
(My dog informs me that you met his buddy Ray.)
I suck for obsessing,
I meant does humanity suck or am
I the one who sucks?
--Wildcat Etc.
BSNYC, I’m quite sure you are a completely normal human. And yes, we suck.
Humanity sucks!
Individuals may be better off facing life with a "Twelve Rules For Life" by Jordan Peterson attitude although that is not for me
I'd rather shoot the breeze than hear about another school shooting. but i digress.it seems these are the current cards we're dealt.it's time to change the deck as it were.
nice socks by the way.
That lady might not have asked you to watch the dog if you were wearing the new AHTBM "hail satan" hoodie along with the socks... Just something to consider: psychopath fred knows how it is!
You don’t suck man, you got all those kids at home and you get to ride. I only have 2 at home and my riding seems to be on hold. I suck.
Concerning "no way to prevent this". Though the 70s and into the late 90s NYC had over 2,000 murders a year. Now it is fewer than 300 a year. So there seems to be ways to reduce it, and someone is doing it. Murder existed long before the U.S. existed, in every country in the world, and no one else has figured out how to prevent it.
I like your knee socks.
I am waiting for it be warm enough to show some real leg up here...
Damn, Wildcat, that dog lady was making a move on you. I know from experience.
https://www.adventure-journal.com/2018/05/culture-mountain-biking-gone-astray/
All Hail The Black Market socks are the shit...makes every ride at least semi-epic.
I have to agree w/ Dog Fred...that dog was TOTALLY looking to see who was in charge...just look at those eyes! That you didn't immediately establish dominance by pinning him/her to the ground and then humping it, sheesh! You are SO lucky that monster didn't climb right up your excellent socks and rip your throat out!
Just curious how you feel about PRC use of face recognition to enforce jaywalking laws... and of course make a demerit on one's social credit score? Speed cameras are a slippery slope about which you are too casual. And there are certainly examples (like Oakland, CA) where yellow light cameras had their timing adjusted downward after people modified their driving and revenue began dropping (not that I'm opposed to something like 10mph speed limits by schools.)
Lots of solutions for improving/ridding traffic by schools without embracing big brother.
- Dad Who Rides with Kids to School
Anonymous 10:25am,
Whatever weird shit they're doing with facial recognition in China has zero bearing on my thoughts regarding speed cameras around New York City schools.
As for abuses of the technology, it's still potentially much, much fairer than human enforcement. Not sure if you noticed but police are shooting and killing people during routine traffic stops.
--Wildcat Etc.
Dude goes to restaurant, gets seated with his daughter and daughter-in-law, gets up, goes outside, gets in his SUV and drives it into said restaurant to kill said daughters.
The need has never been greater! BAN SUV's now! Stop these senseless weapons from being used again!
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
not gonna say YOU are the one that sucks snobberdooder, but i mean, if you're just chilling and if you dont have your hands full of Snob offsprings and someone just needs to pee real quick..its not like she handed over a hangry honey badger or her pet pit viper...
i mean, that dog's name probably is Philip...just look at his little face. That dogs thinks he's people. That dog is people. I bet he has one of those adjustable number sleep matresses and a tempur pedic pillow. I dont even have those things.
Re: Land of the Free— I think the statistic for 2018 fatalities in schools from mass shootings just surpassed the number of military personel killed in active duty overseas this year. I believe we have soldiers in over 100 countries in the world and are in active conflict in one or more places in the Middle East.
Have you purchased Kevlar book bags for all your human children yet ?
Just read the TA piece.
YOUR GODDAM RIGHT!
*YOU'RE
Nothing like using poor grammar on an author's blog.
Played bike polo. There was a hipster with a Trek Y foil, set up as a fixie, with those weird Scott at3 lf integrated barend/aerobars from the 90’s. He had a sticker that said
“Obama is the Antichrist. That’s fucking metal”
How about a crappy bike rack?
http://www.kansascity.com/news/state/kansas/article211586854.html
"Whatever weird shit they're doing with facial recognition in China has zero bearing on my thoughts regarding speed cameras around New York City schools."
Yes, but perhaps it should. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2017-06/20/content_29813710.htm
And maybe coming to an Australia near you soon:
https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/may/02/duttons-facial-recognition-scheme-could-target-jaywalkers-lawyer-warns
That the cops are useless to dangerous has more than zero bearing on my thoughts of not wanting my kids living in a world under constant cop surveillance. It does reinforce my desire, which I think you share, that infrastructure should be built to slow/rid traffic in preference to second rate and easily abused enforcement strategies. Even your own Reclaim article cites how often cameras are scammed.
"In 2016, the Daily News reported that this sort of scamming resulted in over 140,000 failed tickets over a two-year period. "
This is America... if the gunz don't get you, the cars will.
Such a nice doggie to have such a rude human companion. I'm glad you are a person who is nice to doggies instead of an abuser or dognapper.
Anon 10:25pm,
Perhaps 'tis you who is off-cutting your nose for the purpose of face-spiting if you object to potentially life-saving speed cameras because of scary stories from China.
(And Australia, Land of the Helment.)
--Wildcat Etc.
Believe me, the feeling was mutual.
if you guys were reviewing chinese speed camera film, and noticed a bridgestone rb1 in yellow leaning against a noodle shop would you say:
dang! is that an Rb1? thing looks like its speeding just sitting there in its go-fast yellow but darn, unfortunately that guy had a little too retrogrouch with that full leather brooks. it is a devastatingly handsome color combo, but i just dont know if that saddle really makes sense and i bet that guy sells artisnal snake oil in his tweed jacket.
this one: https://goo.gl/images/Lsi1Li
or, would you see the one below and say all those things about speed and noodles but at the end part you'd say: i'm glad to see someone didn't just slap an old brooks on every darn bike and that avocet racing2/or turbo looks excellent and is age-appropriate grouchiness without going full 1800's grouch and wow, what great taste. oh, and that is probably the owner there...coming out of the noodle place...yep, that handsome guy. that makes sense.
This one:
https://goo.gl/images/ioLjVw
i'm thinking a cambium in natural/white might nicely split the difference unless they have a cambium in that dark honey color but don't think they do.
i'm going to get some noodles and contemplate this serious life decision. guide me buddha.
Blue lives matter (except, apparently, when they're investigating President Pee Pee and his cadre), but fuck the fucking high school students. So what if they're gunned down by some Nazi, InCel prick with easy access to guns and ammo.
pbateman-
The brown brooks matches the brown tape, but they both clash with the black brake hoods.
On RB-1 #2, all is black, but the Shimano STI's stand out like alien eyeballs. RB-1 #1 has modern integrated shifters, but they're campy and the outline blends nicely for a faux-retro look.
The shifters from #1 would look right with the tape and saddle on #2.
You're gonna have to buy 2 bikes.
i was slurping noodles, praying to buddha and debating decisions about how to best build my little japanese bike, so that if it were to ever be caught on chinese speed camera footage while leaning against a wall of a noodle shop, that the people watching that camera footage would be convinced i did a pretty nice job.
buddha did provide me with guidance. buddha said to me: "go read the very first BSNYC entries...he provided much sartorial and satirical wisdom...wow, like 10 years ago...has it really been that long? jesus. anyway, go read those."
so i did. but i'm more perplexed than ever - in the first 3 or 4 posts he:
-called a leather brooks a rube goldberg contraption of leather and rails
-he said he hates foam top tubes
-he demands that anything that doesn't make the bike go fast should come off
so, i'm gonna forgo a saddle, post and especially the brakes since they never make you go faster.
but i'm really gonna need that top tube to cushion my private areas during those times when i'm tired of not being able to sit on my saddle i don't have.
but i dont want to have sore private areas while i'm on vacation because i wanted to test out Tinder overseas, so i may just go lease a korean made kia rather than build my japanese bike for my chinese noodle and casual sex tour.
hey snob-just a thought-how about something on the air quality of riding on the west side of manhattan (or anywhere in close proximity to medium-to-heavy traffic)? I know there was a recent study-in-progress about the effects of air quality for cyclists on the west side greenway, I"m not sure if they have yet published results. in particular i'm wondering if the main danger is about particulate matter or more gaseous stuff (monixide or whatev). I've recently noticed more cyclists with 'bandit-style' black masks on - I'm not sure if they are just trying to look cool or if they know something about biking next to traffic that I don't. hmmm.... Anyway just a thought, I know it'd be a little public-service-y, but anyway.........just a thought...
BTW - riding home tonight fr a sunset ride, there are *no streetlights* on the path whatsoever from chelsea piers to 12th street - thru all that construction - really sketchy and pitch black...
Debating whether Campy is punk rock or not may be good for a guffaw. But advocating that private surveillance companies should be publicly contracted and then deputized with both enforcement and arbitration powers definitely is not punk rock.
Congestion pricing... bring it on. Speed limit to 20... I'm all in. Protected bike lanes, raised crosswalks and leading pedestrian intervals... sounds fantastic. But this legally problematic, wildly unpopular and apparently not even particularly effective band-aid of speed cameras is bad precedent. It's a shame that you don't see that beyond your own snark, though stellar legal thinking has never been a hallmark of this blog. Some argue further outlawing cycling and walking enforced with photo pattern recognition technology also saves lives. Be careful of what you wish for. In one breath you're critical of the police, in the next breath you leap to advocate sweeping new tools and a strict law enforcement approach.
Seriously, that Reclaim piece is like you're schilling for RedFlex the same way you schill for the canopener--esque Jones Bars or the wood veneer carbon fiber overpriced Renovo.
Also weak in that piece: I realize your writing style relies heavily on making an observation followed by a funny metaphor, but, "which makes about as much sense as calling an FDNY rescue a “publicity stunt.” If you don't think there isn't a bit of pageantry in every single call the fire department responds to, then you have no clue how the IAFF operates. Call doesn't need sirens? Turn them on anyway. Dispatch could route to more appropriate agency? Let's respond anyway because that's what drives up call volume and call volume is what we take to contract negotiations. Community paramedicine is a more effective delivery model? Not on our watch cause that's not what we're about! Your comparison isn't funny. Your comparison isn't accurate. And given that the politically powerful fire departments and IAFF have often been a lot less than helpful or friendly to bike advocates and infrastructure projects, it was completely off point in that context.
Anon 10:25,
So you object to speed cameras but you're OK with congestion pricing which also relies on the same sort of technology that freaks you out. Got it.
And I think you lay be drilling a little too deeply into my similies, but if that's what you like to do with your time then be my guest.
--Wildcat Etc.
I just came back one more time for the look on that doggie's face. That is all.
I'm half a week behind but I'm not quitting this race
Apparently I'm in the minority, as my response to speed cameras is "if you don't like getting speeding tickets, don't speed". Otherwise, accept the fact that if you speed, you will at some point eventually get a ticket, whether via cop or camera. And yes I speed, generally no more that 5 over on secondaries, and no more than 75 ever on highways.
The exception being active school zones I drive through, and am always amazed at how many drivers get pissed at me for slowing them down when they get "stuck" behind me doing 25 in a 25. I am all for speed cameras in school zones, and cameras on school buses to catch people going around the bus when it is offloading kids.
Post a Comment