Coyote Fredly

Firstly, there's a lot going on in today's Bike Forecast, including a spate of coyote attacks just north of the city to which I was alerted by Leroy's Dog:

Police say around 2 p.m. Thursday, a coyote attacked a woman riding a bicycle on South County Trailway.

It missed her, biting her back tire instead.

I hope she was running tubeless.

Anyway, most of the places described in the story are along the route of my my usual 20-miler, which means it's time for me to invest in some new riding gear:

What, no helmet?

By the way, the aforementioned post also addresses the media-hyped specter of the "distracted pedestrian," which is no doubt a thing, but which also hardly warrants mentioning given all the mayhem caused by distracted driving:


That is fucking horrifying.

I will however acknowledge the problem of the distracted consumer, for this very morning I was shopping at Target and upon arriving home with my spoils discovered I was short a bag.  This compelled me to schlep all the way back to Target, at which point the security (or "asset protection") person called up my transaction on the video camera and I got to watch a birds-eye view of myself tapping away at my smartphone while the checkout person bagged my items.  Then I watched myself hastily grab the bags without paying attention and walk away.

Fortunately my distraction only cost me a return trip to Target and about an hour of my life as opposed to, you know, my life.

I am now of the opinion that every moment of every day should be recorded on video, privacy be damned, and that human evolution will one day arrive at a point were this omniscient collective digital memory ensures that absolutely every mistake we make can ultimately be put right.

Also something about blockchain.

Secondly, I'd like to take a moment to lament the sorry state of society, the ongoing decay of our moral fiber, and the inevitable demise of humanity it clearly portends:

See, we're being rained and hailed upon at the moment, but the past few days in New York have been ideal, and I've been spending a fair amount of time on the West Side Greenway in Manhattan--which, it turns out, is a good thing given all those coyote attacks up north:

The West Side Greenway is, I believe, the most heavily-trafficked bikeway in the country (though I'm far too lazy to confirm that), and on a day like the one depicted above you will find all manner of riders upon it--everyone from the sightseeing Citi Biker to the forward-leaning tridork.  (Even though in the above photo it looks completely empty, go figure.)  Anyway, on one of my excursions I happened to incur a flat tire, so I unfurled my artisinal tool roll and got to work:

It should go without saying that I, a world-renowned cycling word curator, was fully equipped with both the tools necessary to complete the operation as well as the vast knowledge and experience to do so expeditiously.  Nevertheless, I was dismayed--no, disgusted really--that not a single rider so much as slowed down to ask if I was okay.  See, I may scoff at certain cycling conventions (I can't stand "on your left" and I couldn't give a shit whether you wave to me or not), but when you see someone stopped and futzing with their bike you should at least feather a brake and ask if they need anything.  See, even the most competent cyclist occasionally opens his or her saddle bag to find that they forgot to restock the patches or that their valve stem ate through their tube, and your simple act of courtesy could be the difference between them making it to their dental appointment or not.  (I just so happened to be on the way to the dentist.)

Basically what I'm saying is you should all be deeply ashamed of yourselves.

Finally, here's a PSA about the importance of wearing a helmet in the office:


Don't be a statistic...you never know when the tension spring on a desk lamp is going to fail and clobber you into oblivion.