Friday, March 2, 2018

Coyote Fredly

Firstly, there's a lot going on in today's Bike Forecast, including a spate of coyote attacks just north of the city to which I was alerted by Leroy's Dog:

Police say around 2 p.m. Thursday, a coyote attacked a woman riding a bicycle on South County Trailway.

It missed her, biting her back tire instead.

I hope she was running tubeless.

Anyway, most of the places described in the story are along the route of my my usual 20-miler, which means it's time for me to invest in some new riding gear:

What, no helmet?

By the way, the aforementioned post also addresses the media-hyped specter of the "distracted pedestrian," which is no doubt a thing, but which also hardly warrants mentioning given all the mayhem caused by distracted driving:

That is fucking horrifying.

I will however acknowledge the problem of the distracted consumer, for this very morning I was shopping at Target and upon arriving home with my spoils discovered I was short a bag.  This compelled me to schlep all the way back to Target, at which point the security (or "asset protection") person called up my transaction on the video camera and I got to watch a birds-eye view of myself tapping away at my smartphone while the checkout person bagged my items.  Then I watched myself hastily grab the bags without paying attention and walk away.

Fortunately my distraction only cost me a return trip to Target and about an hour of my life as opposed to, you know, my life.

I am now of the opinion that every moment of every day should be recorded on video, privacy be damned, and that human evolution will one day arrive at a point were this omniscient collective digital memory ensures that absolutely every mistake we make can ultimately be put right.

Also something about blockchain.

Secondly, I'd like to take a moment to lament the sorry state of society, the ongoing decay of our moral fiber, and the inevitable demise of humanity it clearly portends:

See, we're being rained and hailed upon at the moment, but the past few days in New York have been ideal, and I've been spending a fair amount of time on the West Side Greenway in Manhattan--which, it turns out, is a good thing given all those coyote attacks up north:

The West Side Greenway is, I believe, the most heavily-trafficked bikeway in the country (though I'm far too lazy to confirm that), and on a day like the one depicted above you will find all manner of riders upon it--everyone from the sightseeing Citi Biker to the forward-leaning tridork.  (Even though in the above photo it looks completely empty, go figure.)  Anyway, on one of my excursions I happened to incur a flat tire, so I unfurled my artisinal tool roll and got to work:

It should go without saying that I, a world-renowned cycling word curator, was fully equipped with both the tools necessary to complete the operation as well as the vast knowledge and experience to do so expeditiously.  Nevertheless, I was dismayed--no, disgusted really--that not a single rider so much as slowed down to ask if I was okay.  See, I may scoff at certain cycling conventions (I can't stand "on your left" and I couldn't give a shit whether you wave to me or not), but when you see someone stopped and futzing with their bike you should at least feather a brake and ask if they need anything.  See, even the most competent cyclist occasionally opens his or her saddle bag to find that they forgot to restock the patches or that their valve stem ate through their tube, and your simple act of courtesy could be the difference between them making it to their dental appointment or not.  (I just so happened to be on the way to the dentist.)

Basically what I'm saying is you should all be deeply ashamed of yourselves.

Finally, here's a PSA about the importance of wearing a helmet in the office:

Don't be a never know when the tension spring on a desk lamp is going to fail and clobber you into oblivion.


ken e. said...


g. said...

Non Robotic Podium?!

BamaPhred said...

2nd Looser?

pelon said...


Unknown said...


HDEB said...

IMHO -- the recent weather in the Northeast has been terrible, 70 degrees in NY in February is not okay. Our individual choices shape the world around us, please support locally owned businesses!

JLRB said...

I always ask if flatted fellow cyclists need anything - some scoff at me "of course not" - some are grateful but not in need - occasionally the cyclist needs something, which gives me the opportunity to lecture them on the virtues of being prepared (not really)


Unknown said...

I don't know about the rest of you folks, but I don't put my stanky-ass helment on my desk. It gets squirreled away into a drawer equipped with Febreze(TM).

Chazu said...

I continue to come across a steady stream of news stories about lunatic coyotes.

A couple years ago, I was on the local multi-use trail at dawn here in flyover country when I startled an unsuspecting coyote. The coyote skulked away as quickly as it could manage.

I guess they're more aggressive up there in bomb-cyclone land, where there is less wildlife and more tender, juicy east coast urbane sophisticate-types.

And blockchain. (but not second-layer "solutions")

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...


bad boy of the south said...

beware of wile e. coyote and his brethren and sistren, because if they catch you,you're through.

Skidmark said...

I looked into blockchain- almost suffered crypto-kynipto overload.

Pist Off said...

Rabies? I’ve lived and ridden around western US coyotes all my life, and they have always scurried when humans are close. They’ll eat backyard pets and have attacked toddlers, but that’s normal predation behavior. Unless a coyote was startled or diseased I can’t imagine why it would attack a bicycle.
Maybe east coast canines are just better educated and realize humans suck.

Anonymous said...

Don't people know the Anvil is the coyote's kryptonite? Just put a small one in your Jersey pocket.

Vend403 said...

Yes, I always appreciate cyclists offering a hand when I am stopped with some issue, although I have to say that a lot of them have no useful tools, supplies, or appropriate knowledge. One must accept offers graciously though. The last time I flatted I was riding on tubulars. I had just unfolded the spare and was getting ready to pull of the flatted one when MAMIL gentleman on a fairly nice bike stopped to offer. I had about 10 miles left and it was approaching sundown, so I just wanted to get on with things, but this guy was relentless in peppering me with questions about these "incredibly high tech new tire things" I was dealing with. Again, I was gracious, but I got the sense that he thought I was pulling his leg when I said that you had to glue on the tire.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Now it all makes sense.

There has been a recent spike in the stock price of Acme Corporation, and now I find out that it corresponds to a recent spike in Yonkers coyote attacks.

Stock tip. Short Acme Corporation. You are welcome.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...Snob, remember your encounter when you offered to help that schmuck on the NJ side of the Washington Bridge? I think you vowed never to help a hapless cyclist anymore (though I'm far too lazy to confirm that).

...I make a habit of lending a hand in the city when I see a stranded cyclist... but I must admit, sometimes I'm left regretting the encounter because some people just don't deserve the courtesy. I still do it though, unless I myself am running late to the dentist.

...Had I passed you while you were unfurling your tools, I would have insisted on repairing your flat for you despite your expertise. If you injure your fingers and can't type, who's going to make fun of helments? You gotta insure your hands.

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

I just stopped last night and asked one of my bikecycling hombres if he needed anything. He had a front flat and replied he was waiting for a lift. To be honest he looked done and disinterested in the whole flat affair. I let him be.
I find that when being attacked by Mr. Coyote one needs to be aware of all manner of other threats. TNT, anvils, rockets and fake black painted railway tunnels appear frequently.

Dooth said...

Only coyotes I've seen up here in the Boggie Down were on the golf courses. And just like my fellow commenters said, they ran away. I rode the South County trail Tuesday morning. My ride started at the Van Cortland section of the OCA, prime woodsy area for coyotes. Only saw a couple of cats. Rode the OCA to Tibbets park where I connected to the South County. Only rode up as far as the first cross street in Yonkers, just past Dunwoodie golf course. I'm planning on riding up to the North County trail Monday morning. Of course I'll be needlessly worried about being devoured by a pack of coyotes. Haven't flatted in a few years. Past due for one. So...on my next ride...whilst fixing a flat I'll be attacked by coyotes. And the cycling gods will send Wildcat to save me.

dancesonpedals said...

BDC: Maybe you give the coyote a gift certificates to Acme.

Unknown said...

The greenway South of 50th street or so is a nightmare. North, however, to Inwood is a charm.

Drock said...

Rear end videos, wow that was something, the white got out of the way so she could hit another car. Sucks for everyone.

Spokey said...

i will admit that i do wears a helment pretty much every time i takes to the pedal road.

in an odd twist though, last week i found out how to disable the annoying beep and flashing light that goes on forever if you don't put your seatbelt on.

leroy said...

Well this is odd.

My dog got me a blue gingham dress and insists on riding in a basket on my handlebars.

That just doesn't seem like a good idea when the winds are kind of gusty.

And I'm not buying his explanation that he changed his name to Toto to remind me to Hold the Line.

Oh well, ride safe all.

And don't go bar hopping with coyotes.

Don't ask me how I know.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Pist Off @3:21 -

I wish they all could be California,
Wish they all could be California ... curs.

Anonymous said...

i guess cougar attacks happen after sundown.
be sure to carry a helmet in the car next time you need to check under the hood or grab groceries under the hatch since those mechanisms have been known to drop like guillotines.

biorider said...

Coyotes are the bane of NextDoor commentariat. Their cry is Call out the Federal Trappers!

I ask 'got everything?' when I pass someone looking like they're working on their bike, but not if they're staring and stabbing at their smartphone.

Anonymous said...

Horrifying is right.
“Oh my leg hurts”
Mommy, Mommy...”
Absolutely horrifying.

cdinvb said...

Yep. Best way to avoid the annoyance that is so much of daily life: take a bike out. Ride. And Ride. Ride some more. Do not have a "device" with you. Turn that shit off. Do take a tube and patch kit. And the fixins for fixin. Oh man, you should see the piece of metal that went through the tire yesterday. Booted. Tubed. Rode on. sigh.

Some guy from upstate said...

Pist Off, the eastern coyote is larger than its western cousin due to inbreeding with the remnants of the wolf population, but, yeah, like most wild animals, usually prefers to avoid humans.

Anonymous said...

In the dog-proof suit - it's totally Cliff Claven.

Robert Woudenberg said...

they need to were helmets at apple . there have been multiple accidents of people wlaking into glass walls and needing hospitaliztion

Jonathan said...

hey, I have the same artisanal tool roll. It fell off my bike once about 30 kilometres from home but I drove back there later in the day and found it.