Thursday, January 4, 2018

Hey, Wouldya Look At That, It's Another Outside Column!

And it's no ordinary column, either.  It's a column about how I'm going to undertake a challenge so daunting, so profound, and so un-Fredly that I daresay no other bikey media doofus would ever dare attempt it.  Yes, that's right, for one whole year I'm only going to ride one bike*:



*[With certain exceptions of course, because come on.]

This isn't some gimmick where I'm going to go out and find the perfect do-everything, only-bike-you'll-ever-need bike, either.  (Everybody knows that the whole "only bike you'll ever need" thing is a myth invented by the bike industry to sell people like me their 14th bike anyway.)  Nope, I had to choose an existing bike from among my vast velocipedal holdings, and what I decided to go with was Ol' Piney:


Is this because I think Ol' Piney represents the perfect bicycle?  Certainly not.  This is the perfect bicycle:

However, of all my bikes I suspect Ol' Piney is the one that will allow me to partake in all my currently preferred styles of recreational riding without really missing anything.  Obviously it's got the offroad stuff covered, and with a quick wheel swap I think I'll be covered for the more road-oriented rides too--especially since I'm not exactly getting Lycra-ed up and slotting into any pacelines these days.  Plus, my one-bike resolution conveniently includes a review bike loophole, so once I resume testing on the wooden bike I'll have an opportunity to indulge my inner Fred if I so choose.

Anyway, with regard to outfitting Ol' Piney for the road, I'll be adapting my old 29er wheels for that purpose, and I'm hoping that switching between those and the full-on chubby wheels should just about cover me--despite what some may think:

Yeah, looks like a fun bike but for this particular stunt I don't think so:.  


We may be the only bike company in the world to suggest you only need to own a single bike. But having pioneered the gravel/adventure bike realm (ahem, Country Road Bob, circa 2000) we know a thing or two about designing bikes with a tasty blend of performance, durability and versatility. It’s an idea we’ve pushed even further with the A.D.D. Road bike, CX bike, mountain bike, loaded touring/adventure bike—you can run 700 x 25–40mm road, CX or gravel tires, or switch up your wheels and run 27.5 x 2.1 MTB knobbies.

Firstly, now that I've tasted the sweet nectar of the 3.0 tire I don't think I can go a year limited to just 2.1.  Secondly, mountain biking with drop bars is kind of like eating a hamburger with chopsticks, whereas with the Jones bars I don't think I'll mind a few hours of pavement time without proper drops.  If anything, I suspect one year of upright riding may finally force me to admit I should adopt a more Petersenly position.

In any event I'll be sure to keep you apprised.

Finally, there's a storm currently bearing down on us, and I refused to take it seriously until they decided last night to close the schools.  This means that no matter how much snow we do or don't get I'll be totally buried in parenting duties.  Fortunately, in anticipation, I did manage to get out on the bike for a bit--yes, that bike:


Rather than head up north I undertook sort of an urban ramble, dropping in on the Highbridge mountain bike trails for a few laps:


Paying homage to the High Bridge itself:


And of course basking in the crotch of this ersatz stone sentry:


Then there was this:


It's what a car looks like after you drive it through a Home Depot:


Among its more distinctive features was this rear-mounted tableau:


And the rear end includes multiple electrical outlets and a pair of door holders for reasons unknown:


Evidently it's been around awhile, though I've never seen it in motion.

I'm not sure I want to, either.

58 comments:

Die free said...

Podio?

Art Car said...

Linkity

Link

Link.


Also link.

Anonymous said...

Might have been an MR2 once upon a time.

Hey nonny mouse

Hee Haw the barista said...

A real challenge would be driving that car for a year.

George Krpan said...

Yew chose the right bike, Ol' Piney.

Bryan Bracy said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

I only own one bike, so... Six year old Mongoose hybrid, the only bike I've ever owned, thanks for asking ;-)

Unknown said...

Toppus Tennis.

Anonymous said...

As a person with a bike (or two) for just about every conceivable situation, I've recently been commuting (for winter) on my Surly Ogre and I hafta say that even though I don't love the look of 29er's (All wheels and then little bits holding them together) it's astoundingly good at just about anything you throw at it. Where as my Kogswell PR Or Rivendell Atlantis are lighter an presumably faster, you also have to pay more attention, pick your line more carefully and I frequently have to slow for pedestrians! Where-as on the Ogre with Fat tires I really pay almost no attention to anything going on in the road, Pedestrian? just go offroad around them!! And those 29" wheels with big tires just ROLL amazingly quickly on any surface!!!!! In that way I imagine it's very much like Ole' Piney; in fact I've been contemplating the Jones bars myself!! - masmojo

ken e. said...

storm-waying here! nice mercedes.

Olle Nilsson said...

Well, what else are you going to do with a Honda Del Sol? I see his dad's on twitter, telling him to get a job. Nice.

Nice choice of bike. Those 3" tires would be hard to give up. So tempted. Might just get some 650B rims for my tour bike and slap on some 42Cs. Not the same, but a easy one bike solution for me. Want those Jones bars though. They really need to set you up with something nice for the free publicity.

Anonymous said...

I can only thank you for not choosing the wooden bike.

Bryan Chambala said...

Fenders off an on with the road wheels when needed (which seems unwieldy)? Or just soaking up the spray?

Anonymous said...

Does the h-zontal come with a masseuse?

New Year's Resolutions are made to be broken said...

The funny thing is that Keith Richards actually has dramatically reduced the number of different intoxicants he consumes, mainly cuz he has gotten older. He still smokes weed tho, and a little alcohol, and cigarettes, a little hash now and then, but other than that......

New Year's Resolutions are made to be broken said...

The funny thing is that Keith Richards actually has dramatically reduced the number of different intoxicants he consumes, mainly cuz he has gotten older. He still smokes weed tho, and a little alcohol, and cigarettes, a little hash now and then, but other than that......

Rather Petersenly said...

"Firstly, now that I've tasted the sweet nectar of the 3.0 tire I don't think I can go a year limited to just 2.1."

Just last year you were repeating the mantra that you will not buy a fat bike, and now as you pick the bike with three inch tires it's obvious you see the slope you are currently slipping down...

BTW, them fat bikers love Jones bars. ;)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bryan Chambala,

I'll probably go with some clip-on solution when necessary. Not ideal to be sure but should be sufficient.

--Wildcat Etc.

Freddy Murcks said...

I got over the drop bar pretense and I am pretty sure I will never again ride a bendy bar bike. Road freds look at me funny when I ride by with my flat bar road bike, but what do I care? Those guys are stupid fashionista assholes anyway.

Anonymous said...

I can imagine just one bike for a whole year (I guess it would be the old Trek 630, with fenders added, for commute + city + road recreation + 28mm tires if off road?) but life is short, and I have a garage, so I'll stick with a bunch of bikes that all kind of look the same (large steel frame, 700 tires, but are not (Fast commute, single speed rain commute, road recreation, Grocery Store (with chainguard and basket), and "junky enough to lock outdoors at commuter rail".) Also, when one has a flat tire in the morning, there is always an option.

Piskian said...

How you going to portage les enfants terrible?Xtracycle it?Burley dumpster trailer?Just make the little tackers trot alongside?

Anonymous said...

I'm gunna be really smug about my New Years resolution. I'm want to get rid of my freedom machine, because freedom isn't free, it's about $2.10 here in Texas plus I have fenders on my Surly Long Haul Trucker. Problem solved.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Piskian,

Cargo bike exemption as per column.

--Wildcat Etc.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Riding only one bike is like having sex with only your wife. No matter how well you choose, you will soon tire of your choice and long for something different.

Anonymous said...

Is this just a year-long setup to purchase a Jones?

Unknown said...

meh.

What would be impressive if you sold all of your bikes except the one.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Unknown,

We'll see how things go.

--Wildcat Etc.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Selling one of your bikes is like selling one of your children.

I have only done it once since I began serious cycling in 1983.

I have six, which is still N(-1) of the number I need.

Anonymous said...

One bike! That is a mighty brave and altruistic gesture on your part. I smell Nobel peace prize. For my 2018 resolution, I'm giving up working. I've been supporting my freeloading wife for far too long, its far time she went out and got a second job.


BamaPhred said...

Went with whole one bike only thing last year. I regret nothing. Liquidated the others. Its refreshing to only have one to maintain, if nothing else. Of course, you have to fix it, or you don't ride.

Dooth said...

Oh, the H-Zontal bike is just the thing for a nude ride.

ricochet said...

No Brompton clause? Figure that citibikes cover it, not planning much multi-modality, or just banking on doing a few runs?

Anonymous said...

I did the whole one bike thing last year. It was stolen on xmas eve. No riding so far.

kfromuk said...

Good luck bikesnob, just about to retire my "getting to work bike" a pine mountain 91/92, obtained 2nd hand in 97. Just can't get the acceptable bits for her, last straw was when Mavic stopped making the XC717 and sram not doing the PC890 anymore. Ebay has managed to keep her going with some nice part used good quality bits, and some choice NOS stuff, but rims and chains are some of those consumables that are very essential. Currently building my "ultimate commuter" a Surly Ogre, with 27.5X3in knobblies and a Rohloff. Will swap the rims over to 29 and run narrower tyres if my commute ever gets more road. Have been tempted myself by the Jones bar, but just a bit too big as I will be taking her onto a train for part of my commute for at least the next year, with a lot of mud at one end.

Anonymous said...

I'm vaguely reassured this confirms my unfredlike status. Only own one bike although obviously would like more. I am fairly confident the sulky pining looks from the other (and abandoned) members of your fleet will be too great a cross to bear and you'll cave before summer.

BikeSnobNYC said...

kfromuk,

I begrudge nobody a new bike but I hardly think there's a shortage of decent 26" rims and 8-speed chains out there...

--Wildcat Etc.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

In your bike monogamy is the mahogany bike considered a test bike on loan you can ride without incurring the 3 mile run penalty? When it comes to running, I'm like Richard Pryor. I"ll only run if I'm on fire.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Lt. Obvi,

As I said in the post, yes.

--Wildcat Etc.

N/A said...

Fun concept, and reasonable exemptions/penalties. Will be interesting to see how it turns out.

I could see some bloat/redundancies in your fleet, but no way could I see getting rid of everything. The Milwaukee is a sweet piece. And your SS mountaining bike is cool, too. And the Brompton doesn't take up much space...


My collection (the count exceeds what could be done on my fingers and toes, and I'm sporting the full complement of 'em) is jam-packed with redundancies and unnecessary things that rarely even get ridden these days. If I had any sense, I'd shed some dead weight by selling some and funding nicer components for the ones I do ride the most. Oh well, at least I'm not into sports cars.

Chris said...

I feel sorry for your wife. You sound like a creep.

Hermit Crab said...

BSNYC, I applaud your resolve and wish you well. As a working schlub who commutes the same route day in, day out, I choose a different bike once in a while to keep it interesting. Hope to see you and Ol'Piney at a fondon't or similar in 2018.

Anonymous said...

Idk, the vin diesel bike looks like it would have been the way to go...
Did anyone ever invent a bike/interface that allowed you to switch between drops/risers quickly? Like some kind of de-re-tachable cable splice device, haha?? Just switching wheels/tires don't cut it imo

Anonymous said...

I've committed to not washing my bike shorts for a whole year.

Anonymous said...

I've committed to not washing my bike shorts for a whole year.

McFly said...

.........and I'm hoping that switching between those and the full-on chubby should just about cover me--despite what some may think:


*ahem*

bad boy of the south said...

Snob,good luck on your endeavour. I'm tossing around the idea myself for this year.

Anonymous said...

Ride in Canada and the penalty would only be 3kms. Now how about some nicer strava ride designs instead of that scribble.

OldSlowGuy said...

ricochet,
I believe the Brompton falls under the "loaner for evaluation" exemption (shhhh, don't let old man Brompton hear).
Personally, I think this is madness, like having one pair of shoes, but godspeed

Bill Murray said...

A trunk mounted tableau without a groundhog is so lame.

Going Jobst Brandt? said...

One bike? Come now, you're living the dream! Is this a resolution or just rubbing it in our faces?

Consider those of us with just one bike because we're too broke, live in hovels that barely hold half a folded brompton (if we sleep with it), have unsympathetic spouses/significant others, or put the bike purchases for our 17 kids ahead of our own (which as you know means buying like 34 little bikes a year).

Here you are with more bikes than the typical pro racer. You live in a single-family residential home... in a major city. You have built a small blogging empire as the brilliant pretext to acquire bikes. You have an apparently sympathetic wife who apparently has a real job and disposable income. You have bike industry ties that seem to allow a flow of deals/freebies. You even have daylight time to make use of your vast stable.

Why would you want to live like us schlumps? We already have all the information we need on riding just one bike for years and years on end.

Besides, your whole premise is so loophole ridden. Aren't wheels essentially 2/3rds of a bike? And since when is a cargo bike not a bike? It has pedals, wheels, handlebars.

Now, this was some funny social commentary:

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2010/08/consumption-now-with-more-minimalism.html
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2010/08/new-smugness-keeping-it-to-minimum.html
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2010/08/good-news-for-poor-you-can-afford-to.html
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2011/05/10-items-or-less-avocado-of-death.html

BTW: Do not be mesmerized by Jones, sage that he is. Yeah, he may have designed an excellent do-it-all bike, but he himself has a whole warehouse of bikes to choose from.

Anonymous said...

I would add an exception for other than minor bike repairs, in case something happens to the Pine Mountain and you need to ride before it can be fixed.

Pist Off said...

The One Bike Challenge terrifies me, which just tells me that it’ll prove again how ridiculously consumerist cyclists are. Go Snob! Doubt I could commit to one bike for a season, much less a year.

Bill said...

Lame. Stupid. Unnecessary.

Anonymous said...

We complain about the cost of living in Portland. Also, we beg to produce art. https://bikeportland.org/2018/01/04/portland-filmmaker-raising-money-to-shoot-cyclocross-nationals-on-super-8-film-263497

BikeSnobNYC said...

Going Jobst Brandt?,

I live in an apartment building.

--Wildcat Etc.

Die free said...

Hey Snobby, looks like cycling is roulette in the UK too.

http://singletrackworld.com/2018/01/what-should-you-do-about-other-cyclists-jumping-red-lights-nothing-reckons-antony/

Guess this apple ain't far enough from it's proverberal tree...

Why couldn't our national parents be more like Holland? They are so, so much cooler. Besides cycling they are cool about drugs and....

1904 Cadardi said...

Good luck Snob!

There have been many years when I've only ridden one bike (even though I had several) because I'm basically a roadie, so I would just grab my current road bike (the one with the curly handlebars like they use in the Tour do Francine).

But you have inspired me to go the other way and endeavor to ride each and every bike crammed into seemingly every corner of my garage. And not just a "went around the block" to get credit ride, but a real ride. Something that the bike was made for: that means actual rough trails on the full squish mountain bike and flying somewhere with the travel bike. I realize it's going to be a sacrifice, but I'm willing to do it in the name of personal growth.

500miles.pl said...

Hi! I'm also riding Pine Mountain.I think it's very close to becoming the-only-bike-i-need after making second wheels (29") set for it. Check my text about this mod, it's kind of tricky because of the hubs.

http://www.500miles.pl/en/trail/sprzet/2017/marin-pine-mountain-1-29er-mod/