Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Blog Titles Are Like Mustaches And I Decided To Shave This One Off

First of all, more than anything, I'm extremely excited about the new SRAM DUB bottom bracket interface.  Is it because of the blah blah compatibility with the blah blah blah?  Hardly. As far as I'm concerned cranks and bottom brackets attained perfection with the Hollowtech II system and everything else is just noise.  (Literally, given the press-fit systems' propensity for creaking.)

No, I'm excited about DUB because keeping abreast of the latest bro fashions is very important to me, and now that the fixie edit is a thing of the past bike tech videos are my only window into the world of male style.  And from what I can tell, either mustaches are very in right now, or else you've got to have one to work at SRAM:



There was this one:


And this one:


And this one:


And of course, incredibly, this one:


Looks like something Rivendell would commission from Nitto.

That's the lab manager, by the way:


From what I understand, in order to curate his mustache he stuck his face in the Lynx 220L and fashioned it with a lathe:


Here's a closeup:


Amazing.

Then there was this suspiciously bare-faced test lab technician, who may in fact be a Shimano spy:


When you're under suspicion of corporate espionage at SRAM they make you ride around and around on the test track until you crack:


Here's someone with a mustache and a pencil behind his ear:


A pencil behind your ear makes you look smart, and a wispy mustache doesn't, so they effectively cancel each other out.

Honestly though, I haven't seen that many mustaches in one place since the "Scorcher Squad" got together for a group photo in 1899:


Even their helmets have mustaches:


Moving on, yesterday I took a ride on Ol' Piney, configured as the Good Lob intended--with chubby knobbies:


I'm beginning to suspect that switching back and forth between wheels may be a waste of time and it makes more sense to just leave it as is, but I'm going to keep messing around with it anyway in the name of science.


Speaking of epic rides, you'll no doubt be delighted to know that the organizers of Dirty Kanza have added a 350-mile route:


DKXL riders will depart at 4 p.m. on Friday, June 1, from the All Things Gravel Expo in downtown Emporia. They are expected to complete the 350-mile trek sometime Saturday evening, around the same time DK200 riders are completing their 200-mile challenge. DKXL participants will be totally self-supported during the entire 350-mile challenge, having to rely solely on convenience stores along the route for any resupply. For navigation, riders will rely on GPS route files, along with maps and cue sheets provided by the event promoters.

Alas, the route is limited to 34 riders, but I have some good news for you: I'm pleased to announce that my next Gran Fondon't will feature a 400 mile option!  Not only is that fifty (50) more miles than the DKXL, but my ride is also completely unsupported--and best of all there's no rider cap!  All you have to do is show up at my place around noon-ish, give me fifty bucks, and in return I'll give you a detailed route sheet:



Then you're free to fuck off.

Oh, and be sure to drop me a line and tell me who won.

Finally, today is Muhammad Ali's birthday.  Ali was of course a sports icon, a conscientious objector, an activist, a philanthropist, a humanitarian--and, in Portland, a white guy, apparently:
I'm sure that's exactly how he'd have liked to be remembered.

50 comments:

Joe said...

I'm not going to Middletown, CT twice.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...Was it a handlebar moustache?

Watch and Camera Guy said...

Podium?

In the pack said...

Say it ain't so - podio?

I rhyme all the time.

Blog Drafter said...

POW!

janinedm said...

Before I read the rest of the article I wanted to share my SRAM mustache hot take. Scrolling from top:
- NASCAR
- NASCAR
- Dateline NBC murder suspect
- leather bar
- cop
- Canadian astronaut

HDEB said...

I could finish the 400 mile Fondon't in 16 hours on my BMX cruiser but I have a prior obligation that day

1904 Cadardi said...

janine,

Drawing a Venn diagram, how many of those 'staches intersect the "child predator" circle?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thank you for this edifying and substantial fare.

Schisthead said...

Did anyone venture into the marketspeaked moustachioed videos long enough to see if they actually made anything better? Preload and pinch bolt, finally copying everyone else who did it right from the beginning?

They say they're 'simplifying BB standards', and yet, they have had the problem of being too simple to a fault ever since they put out that one bolt GXP crap...

janinedm said...

Well, you have to look at your taxonomy of child predators. The NASCAR mustaches can be found on creepy step-dads. The Dateline mustaches scream stranger danger. The rest are okay, but there's no way I'd let "leather bar" babysit. He'd probably think it's okay to show them Requiem for a Dream because it has a lot of colors.

BamaPhred said...

I, for one, enjoyed the Twitter deer picture and caption.

leroy said...

Gran Fondon't XXL? Pshaw, bring it!

I don't mean to brag, but on my first Gran Fondon't, I got separated from the group and wound up doing an impromptu century.

My dog assures me there's no limit to how lost I can get.

Jean-Francois Caron said...

"Compatible with all existing bottom bracket standards" except the only one worth using: ISO/English threaded internal BBs. Snob's exaltation of the Hollowtech II I think is just to prove that he's not a Real Retrogrouch (TM).

Billy said...

They were probably doing a corporate mo-vember challenge. It's impossible to tell what season it is there in California because they all look the same, but the timing is about right for a slick marketing video.

Drock said...

350 miles in Kansas, pretty sure that’s the devil telling you your in hell. What a shit hole state, socially that is but the roads are sweet.

Freddy Murcks said...

The mustaches on those SRAM dudes make them look like child molesters. Everybody knows that mustaches like that are de rigeur for child molesters. Therefore, I am going to conclude that they ARE child molester and that being a child molester is a pre-qualification for working at SRAM. Viva Shimano!

McFly said...

My girl says mustache's should always be in.

Hee Haw the barista said...

Flat like a pancake ... white like my aunt Bee.

Jeremy said...

That one guy looks like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite.

Pist Off said...

I’ll back Snob up on Hollowtech II. The big external bearings and 24mm spindle are the best overall combination of traits in a B.B., all on the good old BSA shell. If you can run square taper cranks, a threaded internal cartridge B.B. will work fine and last for years. The square taper crank interface is the weak point in that design but usually only an issue for dudebros shredding rad gnar.
SRAM has to be taking the piss with those mustachibros. They won’t be getting my money.

Anonymous said...

Seriously Revering the Ache in Moustache

Anonymous said...

I like the oceanic portion of the BSNYC Super-Ultra Deluxe Gran Fondon’t route out near Montauk. Good way to cool off while fucking off.
Great blog today, by the way.

Anonymous said...

SRAM video was filmed during movember.

N/A said...

well, I am retrogrouchy, and I've long supported Wildcat's assertion that hollowtech II is a fine bottom bracket interfaceway. It's the easiest thing in the bikey world to service, and they're relatively inexpensive (if you're not a twit, that is).


My moustache has always been quite popular, btw. I'm no Tom Selleck, but who the hell is?

Anonymous said...

Did no one tell those SRAM kids you need to be a man to grow a proper moustache? And not some pre-op wanna be identified as a man man, but an honest to goodness man. Im surprised their parents didnt march them right back downstairs to wash that dirt away when they came up for breakfast with those prepubescant embarrassments. More like Ma and Pa said "oh look at cute little jimmy- tryna look so big- sooooooooo big"

Fourhourerection said...

I have a repro pic of Ali standing over Liston when he took the title from him. Badassery. Also, Hollowtech II rules, ISO drools.

Anonymous said...

Does SRAM not hire women either? Jeez.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 7:44pm,

They do if they can grow mustaches.

--Wildcat Etc.

Bogusboy said...

When I hear "solution", naturally I assume that there is a problem to be solved.

Was there a problem with existing bottom bracket technology? My $20 Shimano (10,000+ miles) says probably not.

Doc Sarvis said...

If that kissy kissy wizard had a Tennessee headhunter his double chins would be less jarring...

Anonymous said...

Regarding Piney - where did you get the spare wheels from? Are they the same as the OEM? What did they cost with disks? Mine came with Nobby Nics but they still roll prettt sweet on tarmac with the pressure right. But that aint easy because I cannot get a reading on the gauge built into the floow pump. Bike shop guy tells me that is because of Presta valves in a high volume/low pressure tyre and that I should use a Schrader valved tube.

Grump said...

Press in bottom brackets are for woosies.

Anonymous said...

I'm now building entire bikes around preserving a cheap square taper Shimano bb (UN-26) I bought in 1999. It's been on 3 frames, two of which are 68mm while it is 73mm. It lived in the US, Canada and across the Pacific and has seen mud, desert and rain in every temperature rain comes in on planet earth. And, it's still smooth as silk. I have an old Hollowtech II too, but I'm saving that for when this square taper wears out, probably around 2060 or so. I have rounded, broken and otherwise destroyed crank arms, but never the square taper of a bb.

Of course, I could buy a new one, which goes for about $8 in which case it will be 2130 until I need that Hollowtech again.

JLRB said...

moustache song

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=100+ways+to+die+in+the+west+moustache+song&view=detail&mid=F43B72C343831F292DB4F43B72C343831F292DB4&FORM=VIRE

c rad said...

I troll pinkbike!

c rad said...

I troll pinkbike!

bad boy of the south said...

Time to grow a handlebar moustache. c'mon kid,sram!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 9:06pm,

The second set of wheels are my old geared 29er wheels. When inflating the 3" tires I seem to have to problem getting a pressure reading on my floor pump, not sure why the type of valve would have anything to do with that.

--Wildcat Etc.

BikeSnobNYC said...

*...that's "I seem to have NO problem."

Schisthead said...

Agreed, IME it's the gauges that are lacking.

I've used a few pumps that aren't accurate at all under 25 PSI, but have one that works pretty well down to about ten.

janinedm said...

I agree with Snob. I have a mix of high pressure Presta-valved bikes and low pressure Schrader valve bikes and my floor pump can read both accurately. Some folk'll always have to put an opinion into a vacuum even when it's not an area they know. Anyway, this is my pump: https://www.trekbicyclesuperstore.com/product/bontrager-recharger-195836-1.htm?gclid=CjwKCAiAqIHTBRAVEiwA6TgJw1W10Txr5EJrroetY-Jgc1n7r31EyioxZgON30gj2OFbVpwKyMfnVRoCfLcQAvD_BwE. It can apparently do the impossible.

Anonymous said...

I think Ali is so pale looking because they lost their frame of reference. I mean the "one black guy in Portland" doesn't comment here anymore, so he probably moved and now you may as well have had 8th century Europeans drawing pictures of elephants.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Ultimate Fondon't bike:

Chinese food delivery bike, w pedal and chain drivetrain removed ... to save weight.

I could save more weight than any of that by dieting, but fuck that...

vsk

Anonymous said...

Alternatives to square-taper BB's were just a solution in search of a problem. The mustache thing is for kids - dumb looking enough on them, but when these middle aged dude bros grow 'em it just makes them look pathetic.
SRAM? The R should be a P. Cheap Chinese crap that is so cheap they can warranty anything instantly and still make a profit - especially since the customers do most of their R & D.

ken e. said...

suspect that psi mysteries (my new band name) are related to leaking pump bits. like sometimes the floor pump i use doesn't push any air at all. like my legs and peddling, or "cx the breaks".

Clarkey said...

Some guys don't get it. You grow a BEARD to disguise a weak chin. A mustache only accentuates it.

Also, nice observation with the Ali road art. What this blog needs more of is racist commentary. Amen brother.

Jojo Potato said...

Why are mountain bikers in videos with pounding music always going downhill?

Anonymous said...

I have also found the square taper to be reliable. And cheap. When it is improved upon I will stop being a retrogrouch.

Anonymous said...

FYI - Yes it was filmed in November (read the YouTube description). No, it was not a corporate challenge. It was a charitable challenge honoring a co-worker who had passed.