Thursday, November 9, 2017

Would That I Could...

Hello, and welcome to the BSNYC Tech Beat, where we give you the low-down on all the hot new cutting-edge components:


Firstly, if you're among the legions of people awaiting a report on the Jones H-Bar:


Which I received last week:


I have some good news, and I have some bad news.

The good news is that I finally carved some time out from my busy schedule this morning in order to install them on my Marin.  

The bad news is that my hydrolic dick break cables aren't long enough for them, nor do I have all the necessary hoses and fittings to lengthen them, which means I could not complete the installation.

Of course any sensible person would have just high-tailed it to the nearest bike shop and let them do it, but I am not a sensible person, and most likely what I'll end up doing is putting some mechanical dick breaks on the Marin for the time being.  This will allow me to experiment with positioning, etc. without having to deal with messy fluids and all the rest of it.  Then once everything's where I want it I can revert back to the hydrolic breaks--or not, maybe I won't even feel like it. 

Either way, with any luck by next week I'll have the Marin transformed into an adventure machine.

Oh, you'll also be relieved to know that after spending the night in the stairwell the cat is safe and sound:


She must have slipped out last night when we took out the trash, and I found her this morning by the door to the building roof, crouched in the defensive position she'd probably been maintaining for the past twelve hours.  

I explained to her she's free to leave us at any time, but that if she does at least we'd like some closure in the form of a note, because open-ended disappearances are just creepy:


Last time she pulled a stunt like this we found a "Lost Cat" poster in the elevator before we even realized she was gone.

And in other tech news, the Renovo Aerowood testing continues apace:


Indeed, after a preternaturally warm spell it's finally getting chilly here, and yesterday as I prepared to head out for a brief jaunt on Ol' Woodrow I remembered I had just the gloves:


These are of course the work of Barry Wicks:


And I'll be darned if they weren't just the thing for gripping the unwrapped tops of those crabon bars:


Why do people like that, anyway?  There should be tape anyplace your hands go, end of story.  And with regard to the gloves, I admit that when I first got them I was like, "Yeah, right," but now that I've worn them I'm kinda into them.

As for the bike, with a mere 60-ish miles on it I'll refrain from making any pronouncements, but I'll most likely share my first impressions sometime next week.  I will add however that it turns out the shrieking of the crabon rims is not totally gone after all (it's now an intermittent shriek rather than a sustained one), though the situation is certainly far better than it was on that first ride.

One promising aspect of the Renovo is that its frame provides ample hiding space for a motor:




In his book, Gaimon wrote: “I dismissed it until I heard his former teammates talk about certain events where Cancellara had his own mechanic, his bike was kept separate from everyone else's, and he rode away from a ‘who's who’ of dopers.

“When you watch the footage, his accelerations don't look natural at all, like he's having trouble staying on the top of the pedals.

“That fucker probably did have a motor,” he added.

Hey, you don't have to convince me:


Come on, Cancellara passed him like he just drank a bottle of MiraLAX and Boonen was a kernel of corn.

25 comments:

N/A said...

Messy fluids from dicks has been the bane of many a man.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

Anonymous said...

one more lap?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

We've got a feline in a very similar colorway as yours. That nut will wander off for three or four days at a time. Just as we write him off as sucked up a farmers combine or abducted by coyotes he shows back up no worse for wear.

bad boy of the south said...

Woodn't ya know it, ya named the renovo.oh,yer cat looks like the crazy one we adopted down here.prolly related.

Anonymous said...

Ol’ Woodrow. I like it. Just cut open a volleyball to put on your helmetless head and you’ll be Woodrow & Wilson, cast away into the wilds of NYC.

Olaffe said...

"maybe I won't even feel like it."

Yeah.... maybe.

Or perhaps you'll abandon all logic and sense and realize those hydrolics are the only thing standing in the way of your total brake failure based obliteration.

leroy said...

My dog wishes to note: "Cats, man, amirite?"

1904 Cadardi said...

Wait, not wrapping the tops of curly bars is a thing now? For the love of all things holy, unholy and everywhere in between, why?

Anonymous said...

@1904 Cadardi - Status signaling in the Fred-o-sphere.

"Lookit me $500 crabon curlibars".

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

With all the real estate on those Jones bars, why don't you just mount the hydrolic dick break levers in as far as possible on those Jones bars before mounting the bars on the stem? Not even enough break hose for that? Then you could test them without even switching over to cable dick breaks.

From my limited velodrome/track bike experience I believe not wrapping the tops of drop bars is a legitimate thing on fixed gear track bikes.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Lieutenant Oblivious,

I assure you that with the brake levers mounted on the bars as far in as possible there is insufficient hose for the handlebars to turn fully.

Not wrapping the bar tops of a velodrome bike is indeed legitimate since you're in the drops 100% of the time when racing.

--Wildcat Etc.

JLRB said...

My how my arrested development brain loves a good corn in the shit reference. The race announcer really didn't see anything unusual there? One man struggles while standing on the pedals, the others legs spin like he's on the flats? Dirty little cheater...

1904 Cadardi said...

Okay, so for the 0.00001% of fixed gear bikes that are actually raced on a velodrome, don't wrap the tops, that's fair.

But don't worry Snob, I'll maintain balance in the cycling universe by double wrapping the tops of my bars (not truly double wrapping, but I do put a strip of old cork tape across the tops before wrapping for a little extra cushion).

grog said...

My cat has a hidden motor.
Litter box:
BOOM ZOOM
PURR MEOW

Monday morning quarterback said...

The Swiss dude gained 300 meters in, what? 15 seconds?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

Boonen was always a good sport though.

Blog Drafter said...

That umlauted o is priceless! Good one!

blunchbelly said...

Is there enough slack tubing on the Renovo to mount the Jones bar? You’d have the most uniquestable bike on the block.

Die free said...

Mark today down as official Return of the Fredeye day.

First talk of component compatibility. Lucky for you they are a fee set of bars, just think what the rest of us do as we chase an the unneeded upgrade with countless needed parts just to make it work!

Second the gratuitous roddie bike shot and millage count.

Third embedded Fred footage.

Thanks Snobby. I can't wait for what tomorrow brings. Either way this made my week.

WPVelo said...

geez, I've been away too long. Go Snobster go! Go Moto that is. whut?

MrLobstermash said...

You need to get a new set of gloves that say 'got' 'wood'

N/A said...

HELLA WOOD

Anonymous said...

Is the UCI going to start taking the victors beik to the xray at the finish?

Anonymous said...

Yeah,you could definitely cut yourself on those components