Thursday, September 7, 2017

Today is Thursday but Monday was a holiday so it's practically Wednesday if you really think about it.

Sorry if I've been less than punctual, but it's been a hectic week what with getting the kids back to school.  (I've got seventeen (17) children in eighteen (18) different schools, so you can only imagine how complicated that is.)  Also, after ten (10) years of bicycle blogging I recently decided I've transcended punctuality and can do whatever whenever, so I take it back and am not sorry at all:


Deal with it.

Speaking of blogging, you know I have two of them now (it's sort of like a stock split), and I daresay that even if you don't give a shit about New York you should still check out today's Bike Forecast post:


Which is all about how the auto industry is creating "Jaywalker 2.0" by rebranding pedestrians as "petextrians."

Given this, I'm now advocating for a similar rebranding of motorists, and so far my favorites are this one:

And this one:

Once I decide I'll engage a PR firm and go from there.

Moving on, as I mentioned some time ago I'm due to receive a wooden bicycle for my incredibly methodical and scientific brand of bike testing:


(I actually really liked that bike and kind of wish I'd kept it.)

Here's the aero pile of timber in question:


Well, as of press time I haven't seen so much as a splinter of the thing, much less been able to throw a leg over it and set those Strava segments on fire (taking care to avoid igniting the frame in the process), so there you go.

But don't worry, because I've watched this YouTube video and I'm pretty sure I can tackle the project myself:


Unfortunately my first attempt at a bike didn't quite come out as planned, but I'm sure you'll agree it shows a lot of promise:


Speaking of the start of school (I was earlier, remember?) I was schlepping my younger one to to the Apple factory for his first season of educational labor assembling iPhones when it occurred to me I'm not sure how much more of this I can take:

(If you're inclined to point out the typo I suggest saving yourself the trouble and punching yourself in the face.)

Hey, I'm not getting any younger, the mighty hills of the Bronx aren't getting any easier, and I'm definitely deep in the red as far as dignity is concerned, so why the hell shouldn't I give myself a little boost?

Yes, it was sort of a jarring and humbling moment when I realized I sort of wanted an ebike--not dissimilar to the melange of excitement and shame I felt when I decided I wanted a folding bike--but fortunately it turns out there is an alternative:



It has a certain quiet and understated dignity, wouldn't you agree?


And yes, he totally said "you're just a couple screws away" from "pure, torpedo-like action."

Heh, heh.

Best of all, you can always upgrade to one of these:


Two words:

Flying Brompton.

Think about it.

56 comments:

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Podium?!

Anonymous said...

primo?

wle said...

NO COMMENTS: --podia --- i guess everyone else went to sleep waiting..... or they're sated with just the new york weather forecast.blog.whocares.thing....

wle said...

"Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author."

oh - i guess that leave me in the cold.... wle...

wle said...

"Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author."

--maybe THAT's why no one had commented yet... and i thought no one was cool enough.. or awake...

Comment deleted said...

Sweet whale, Snobby! You've got a bright future in woodcarving.

wle said...

"Momment Coderation has een benabled. CAll omments ust be mapproved by the og blauthor."

Anonymous said...

Amazing butt fan

RANTWICK said...

I tried to quit doing this, but here I am again. Podium?

N/A said...

Sweet whale. One must assume that you used an artisanally-produced knife in its crafting. Possibly sourced from those dongs at Good Stuff, or whatever they're called.

Old Timer said...

Huh? What?

Anonymous said...

Heck. No more cycling BLOG Yin and Yang. “Lovely Bicycle!”, for reasons unknown, has ceased posting. Used to be: BSNYC (Yin) - cycling … everything is wrong, and nothing is right. Lovely Bicycle! (Yang) - cycling … everything is right, and nothing is wrong.

Oh well.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I am SOOO getting a flying Brompton just in case Evander Holyfield and Riddick Bowe ever agree to a rematch.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Can't believe I actually podiummed under the new comment approval standard! What happens if you're leading a paceline with a WindDGoe and have a bad case of silent but deadly farts?

Fred Fredriksen said...

Asking as a person with no offspring: when they are too big to schlep, are they then old/big enough to ride their own bike? Or are the hills too big for them? Legitimate question, not trying to be a wise-ass(this time).

Dooth said...

The Bronx hills are alive with the buzz of E bikes, but not my bike because I'm a climber dammit.

Anonymous said...

Got me a KOM yesterday.

Will anyone every suspect I used this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N3ilHl7Im-s&feature=youtu.be

1904 Cadardi said...

On what to call idiot drivers: almost all drivers fall into the "motorfuckers" category, but you have to do something egregiously stupid (and fatal) to be a "murderista". But I'm in for whatever you and your PR team decide is best because both are brilliant.

Bromptonaut said...

Flying Brompton? I'm just looking up my local train company's policy on the carriage of folding parasailing equipment.....no, I can't see any restrictions listed. Bring it on!
P.S. Nice bit of hint-dropping for an electric Brompton now that they are taking reservations.

Matt said...

That giant butt-fan (thanks anonymous @ 2:27) would really be useful on those days when I'm chock-full of air-biscuits...it would fling them right out into the world at the speed of wind! I could share my stench that much faster! Treats for everybody!

Matt said...

Also I LOVE the sound of the Win-Dgo bike-fan! It sounds like a pack of angry bees chasing you! I'd think it would constantly give you a supply of pedal-mashing-adrenaline thinking you're about to die a horrible death. And I bet it works REALLY SWELL going downhill!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Fred Fredriksen,

It's probably all over the map depending on the terrain, the city, and the kid.

In the case of my older son (age 7) the limiting factor was definitely the hills until he got his first geared bike this year. Now he rides his own bike unless he needs to hop on the WorkCycles with me in a pinch.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

brilliant paramotor presentation in 3 minutes without the bs of kickstarter thrown in.

Frickus Rungus said...

That torpedo bike was made by taking the worst parts of mopeds and drones and strapping them to a bike.
Shirly, a sign if the end days...

Anonymous said...

As a Kentuckian, I would like to apologize for the fact that the butt-fan guy is also.

BamaPhred said...

One day it's vents, another it's butt-fans. I thought I had something for that, but I guess I don't. Scranus. Pickled eggs and cabbage, anyone?

Anonymous said...

The guys in the bike shop always used to laugh at me when I asked them to install a tailwind. Now I'll be able to do it myself.

Freddy Murcks said...

I have more-or-less decided that I am going to get an ebike for kid schlepping, grocery grabbing, farmer's market produce hauling, commuting, etc. I CAN do all of those things on almost any one of my many non-ebikes, but I think having an ebike will lower the activation energy barrier to actually doing it (as it were). I am also inclined to buy an ebike to make me feel less guilty about the fact that we own three (3) fucking cars and to decrease the likelihood that I am in any of them on any given day.

I think I am going to get one of these. It's not the stupidest bike I have ever seen. I also like the idea of having a bike with an integrated lighting system.

Freddy Murcks said...

Wow. "Comment moderation has been enabled." I never thought I'd see the day, Snob. I figgered that you had better things to do with your time than moderate the droolings of the commentariat.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Freddy Murcks,

Until this week I went 10 years without racist trolls, so until now I didn't need to.

Sign of the times.

--Wildcat Etc.

Grump said...

For a second there, I thought that the video of the flying guy would end with him landing on the road, and having a Semi run over it and drag it away, three seconds after he unhooked it from his harness...

Freddy Murcks said...

Chamois Juice, or whatever his stupid name was/is, was often racist and always stupid and trollish. I feel safe mentioning his name, by the way, now that you're moderating the comments.

As I was writing this I was thinking how much CJ is like Beetlejuice. I always thought the name was just disgusting, but perhaps the name "Chamois Juice" was more clever than I thought I bet he'd magically appear in a miasmic cloud if you said his name three times fast.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

MOBY DICK

The flying Brompton is the tits. I even have a similar Toyota pick up (owned by me not the bank) that I could portage it around with.

My oldest son rides his own bike to school. Has for a couple years now. He's a 112 in dog years but I still worry about him.

I did something over the hi-ate-us that I've not done in a long time. Ordered some new bike parts. Gonna re-convert the old Yeti steel mtb from SS back into a geared bike. I'll reuse the old xt deraiallears cause they're still good but picked up some thumb shifters cause they're awesome. Might even run those puppies in friction mode. The front one for sure.

I hope my comment is approved.

My robot is a scranus.

Anonymous said...

The petrexi....aw fuck spelling it out... manifestation is just the auto industry and their enablers producing a campaign to get us poor humans ready for autonomous vehicles. When they "debut" you can be sure they will be untested, but completely immune from legal responsibility, and will almost certainly start running over toddlers and old people, anyone not fast enough to get out of the way.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Is there an aero boost if you draft behind a rider with a Win D go?

Anonymous said...

My peace was made with ebikes about a month ago in Belgium, where bicycles and scooters are taken seriously as transportation. I was huffing up a hill in my lowest gear and was effortlessly passed by two women carrying two grocery bags each in the baskets of their ebikes. The veil was lifted from my eyes; I shall dis them no more.

bieks said...

As an occasional Motherf***cker (work computer) and casual pedtextrian (did wexter really need an awkward synonym?), how do I define my favourite mode of transport. Oh wait, Ford says: road-tax-evading scofflaw.

1904 Cadardi said...

Wildcat,

You never needed to moderate the crap we used to say? That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about us. /*sniff*/


(robot test: select all the boxes with vehicles and not a single bicycle to be found)

Pist Off said...

Ebikes are great for schlepping and errands and getting anywhere on time. I built up a 300W front hub motor setup for my mother-in-law this spring, and put it on a Diamondback city bike with some steel cage rear panniers. It actually made me grin all the time. Pedaling with 300w assist makes anyone feel superhuman. I have no issue with these being everywhere, paved and gravel and path, if they replace cars a chunk of the time. I have huge issues with these on MTB trails though. No one will keep these things from going on hiking trails as throttle controlled motorcycles. There are affordable 1000W throttle kits now that easily make a bicycle a motorcycle. Unless there's a way to keep e-bikes regulated as pedal-assist only, there will be trail access issues all over the west. Wattage output keeps going up and costs keep going down.

bad boy of the south said...

I guess that's one way of being a bike fan.
What if diarrhea is involved?does that mean that sh*t literally hits the fan?

Hee Haw the barista's great Dane Mamalade said...

Fucking cat.

Anonymous said...

Conservaturds, you've been programmed by Fox News, which is owned by an IMMIGRANT! Rupert Murdoch is an immigrant. An immigrant who will have his taxes cut while you'll pay more for everything, because you are blinded by hate. Ride a bike and start clearing your minds.

Coline said...

That eggbeater bike has to be the most stupid idea for an age. Cyclists create almost no noise but the rider of that garbage bike and everyone within a mile of it needs industrial strength ear defenders.

As one other mentioned, Lovely Bicycle greatly missed...

Bender said...

Fanny!

Anonymous said...

There are lines not to be crossed. Hopefully that bag of dicks will move along.

Die free said...

Day three. Only one screw away

Anonymous said...

Wow, I guess I missed air bike nationals.

Some guy from upstate said...

Hey - if you come north for the New York (state) bike summit you could win a spiffy folding E-bike: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1754537074586489&substory_index=0&id=122311137809099

My read of NYS vehicle and traffic code is there's nowhere you can legally ride it, but hey.

McFly said...

What a fantastic idea.

Pist Off said...

Re: Ebikes. As usual, Grant Petersen gets it, and says it better than most could:
http://rivbike.tumblr.com/post/165059133674/a-12-minute-read-this-wednesday-night-part-of-our

I really dig World Cup downhill racing as pure cycling talent and sport, but I don't think Grant is wrong about moto influence setting the table for trail access issues. Ebikes will be everywhere soon.

janinedm said...

Why not convert the fro? Are you in the Workcycle's Facebook group, snob? The value to it is that Henry Cutler, the WC founder, checks in regularly and gives the latest advice having already tested things on the bikes. I know that he's talked a few people through e-bike conversion options.

Anonymous said...

it autocorrected fr8.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps if you were still bambino-schlepping on your relatively svelte Surley cargo bike, you wouldn't feel the need for a little voltage assist.
Matt in AK.

Anonymous said...

I'm way late to this party, but skip the fan-driven bike

and jump right to this.

leroy said...

May the road rise up to meet you.

May you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead.

May the wind at your back not be the result of that cabbage recipe my dog foisted on me.

I mean that was painful.

(Just checking to see if comment moderation will pass a wind passing comment.)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious as usual....so, If "the hills of the Bronx aren't getting any easier"... don't beat 'em , join 'em!!!"Riverdale Alps" 0530 every Wed morning, invite sent! Going up just once or twice will never feel tough again. :-)