Friday, September 29, 2017

BSNYC Quizless Friday!

Further to yesterday's post, you'll be pleased to know I have attained acceptable braking on the Smugness Flotilla:


I bled the brakes again, but differently, based on some instructions I found on a trials forum.  (Trials riders like hydrolic rime breaks, apparently.)  Clearly there was air in the system, though I wouldn't rule out the possibility that I introduced that air myself yesterday.  Anyway, between that and fidgeting with various other adjustments I'm now getting sufficient bite, though I do think new pads are in order because all my adjusters are maxed out, and if I had any brains at all replacing the pads is the first thing I would have done because maybe it would have saved me all this trouble.

Or maybe not.

Nevertheless, in the long run I'm convinced it pays off to become intimately familiar with your equipment, even if you end up taking a roundabout approach to get there.  They're very nice brakes when they're working properly, so I owe it to myself to learn how to make them work properly.

Moving on, someone on Twitter has alerted me to a bicycle company that makes everything at NAHBS seem like a Surly in comparison:
The company is called Ascari, which I assume is pronounced "Ass Carry," and if you want a jewel-encrusted, leather-wrapped douche chariot to carry your ass around Williamsburg then this is the bike for you:


Our ultimate bicycle for the true connoisseur. The Ascari King Series is designed with our signature leather string wrapping and precious stones. 

Each bicycle is handcrafted at our studio in Williamsburg. Special requests are accepted for a complete bespoke experience tailored to your needs.

Here's the story of the brand from the beard himself, and a cautionary tale about why they need to shut down UBI for the good of humanity:

Ascari - The Man Behind the Name from Calliopestudios on Vimeo.

Did he just say "humble and simple?"  Those are not the words I'd use to describe a bike that incorporates Napoleon's dildo:


Oh, and if you'd like to see basically the same video only with a blues accompaniment, here you go:


It's only a matter of time before everyone's walking around Brooklyn in VR glasses that put a black and white blues overlay on top of everything.

Anyway, to Ascari's credit, they do seem to do all the work themselves, and they've managed to fuse Oregonian craftstmanship with NĂ¼-Brooklyn artisanal ostentation both exquisitely and nauseatingly.  And I suppose their bikes are still more tasteful than those $35,000 Wheelmen bikes, which are just stock frames wrapped in dead snakes:


Still...why?


It looks like Jules Verne threw up on a Linus.

Oh, and yes, they do offer a track bike:


This appears to be the only model they offer that doesn't look like some kind of leather creature didn't ejaculate all over it.

As for the designer, I wanted to know more about him, and from his Instagram I learned that he really likes hats:


Yeah, whatever:



Also, his favorite ride is across the Brooklyn Bridge:

What is your favorite ride in New York City?
I love to cross the Brooklyn Bridge between Manhattan and Brooklyn. You get such an amazing view of New York City. You can ride over the East River, and it’s always beautiful at any time of the day or the night. Of course, there’s my neighborhood, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is the most inspiring place in New York. There is something very special here, and if you ride your bike around, you will sense what I am talking about.

From this we can infer that he does not actually ride bicycles, because as one of the world's most popular and crowded tourist attractions the Brooklyn Bridge is best enjoyed while riding a Citi Bike at 2mph.

I do agree there is something very special in Williamsburg though, and no doubt what he's referring to is that heady melange of wealth, racial homogeneity, and complete self-absorption.

Finally, in Colorado, cyclists and squirrels are more or less interchangeable:


…When the sheriff located Scott Brown, age 65, following the incident, Mr. Brown told the sheriff that he keeps handy his pellet gun because he hates squirrels. When he saw us our on tandem bicycle, he said that we were not in his way or impeding his vehicle in any way, but he decided that he “hates bikes” as well, because they “mess up the trails.”

Last week, Mr. Brown entered a guilty plea to three misdemeanor counts: Third Degree Assault, Reckless Endangerment, and Launching a Missile at a Vehicle.

Shooting a cyclist isn't "Launching a Missile at a Vehicle," it's "Launching a Missile at a Person."  If this person shot someone on a park bench would the charge be "Launching a Missile at a Chair?"

Perhaps an Ascari with some sort of protective leather netting is in order.


44 comments:

dancesonpedals said...

Better to learn how to take it apart electively, than under the gun in shitty conditions.

Wrench Monkey said...

Here's yer effin" comment!

boys on the hoods said...

Podium??

Grump said...

As for your "dick breaks", I didn't know that the Alps of Louise were located in NYC.....PS. cyclists should be armed, too protect themselves from "road thugs". I'm sure that our fearless leader would agree.

Anonymous said...

Mtb podium?

Accessorize Oneself for Maximum Effect said...

Ascari video requires a bit more pensive facial hair tugging for me to consider the brand seriously.

Old Timer said...

Huh? What?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Top Ten?

Accessorize Oneself for Maximum Effect said...

I was thinking just the other day, "Hmm, who can truly translate my essence into the form of a hat?

Does one simply supply a crumpled bedside tissue to the hat maker?

Anonymous said...

The sidekick in the ass carry vid was my instructor way back in the day at UBI. He was a good dude who schooled me on the term Sweetmeats. Very sad to see where he ended up.

N/A said...

As soon as I saw "leather wrapped", before I scrolled down I new that the bike was going to be a fixie, and at least one of the people involved was going to have a long beard. The hat thing is not a surprise, either. I can only assume that somewhere in history is a Proto-Hipster that has decreed that his minions must adhere strictly to the formula.



In other news: As a man of a certain age, I'm delighted to see that beaver fur is becoming popular again.

Anonymous said...

so I'm working on a punchy tag line for Ascari bicycles

Ascari bikes....no thank you

Ascari bikes, they are a-scary

Ascari bikes, what the fuck

Ascari bikes, think twice before you pay for the extended warranty

Ascari bikes, the Iroc Z of bicycles

Ascari bikes, good one!

Anonymous said...

I was thinking, as I watched the video, that the real frame builder looked/sounded like he was there against his will. Little lifeless in the enthusiasm department.
- another Anon

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

(If the mod so accepts) ...

The ass carrier should be made of crabon feebray. ...and I'll tell you why...

I don't care how much Boeshield or JP Wiggle's frame saver you top that seat tube and fork legs up with, them things are going to be subject to eternal MoissChah.
You won't be able to see the rust starting under all that leather. It adds weight.

NOW, put that stuff on crabon and you have protection from stone chips and other abusive stuff that wears away at the crabon frame. Plus you can mold the crabon into all sorts of artisAnal shapes vs the straight imported steel tubizzmo.

People shootin people with a pellet gun should just suffer some Darwinian retribution from those they just shot at. Because, pellet gun shooters are annoying.

vsk

Anonymous said...

A guy here was killed by a pellet gun a number of years ago. The pellet entered his back and nicked his aorta or something and he bled to death.

N/A said...

If one were to transform my essence into a hat, it would probably be one of those beanies with the propeller on it.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Alberto Ascari wants his name back, thank you very much!

PS, beaver pelts are great, but are those hats made with real mercury? We need more mad hatters!

McFly said...

Me and the misses rode a tandem across the Golden Gate. Had no ideer we were sitting ducks.

N/A said...

Despite my concern about losing my cred as some jerk commenter that hates everything hipsters "curate", I actually don't hate that track bike. I don't personally care for the rims, but that's a fairly minor thing. It's not garish or weirdly complex, and it doesn't look like it needs to have anything plugged-in to make it work.

I don't know how to feel about this.

Anonymous said...

Vehicles are more protected under the law than persons. :-(

Anonymous said...

have to agree. test a set of new brake pads first before messin' with them bleedin' brakes.

leroy said...

My dog agrees with Mr. Ascari that "there is something special you can sense riding around Williamsburg."

It's smoked fished.

Acme factory at Gem Street & Messerole sells retail on Friday mornings.

Anyone with any sense can sense it, sensei.

Now with indoor bike parking.

Ride safe all!

1904 Cadardi said...

Glad to hear the problem break problem was solved by another bleed.

In the case of Ascari vs Guy with Pellet Gun, I think I'd rather have Ascari building stupid bikes than a crazy guy shooting cyclists. Truly the crazy runs deep in Colorado (and I live here so that particular crazy is in my back yard).

wats7 said...

The only good thing about the B&W Askari video is the use onf the song "Death Letter" by the great Son House

Frickus Rungus said...

I read your transalt post today, but I'm a bit confused. What's a "Bike Lane Rectum Blockage Squid"?

Does the guy with the pellet rifle also own an older, orange Chevy pickup truck?
http://www.9news.com/news/crime/n-colorado-shootings-task-force-update/154331037

I think I'll skip the bespoke leather vest and get a high-vis kevlar one instead...

Cleo said...

Trust me, I envy the fact she only has a welt from her hit, I was not so lucky: http://www.velonews.com/2017/05/news/cyclist-shot-riding-new-orleans_438773. Despicable action on the part of Mr. Brown, hopefully he gets some jail time. In New Orleans he wouldn't even get a knock on the door. For me, this was the police response I got: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPgNtqFTpTE&t=2s. Meanwhile I haven't ridden since May, hoping to be back in 2018. (Wow, such a petulant tone from me... That picture hits (literally) too close to home.)

Anonymous said...

Ascari? Pfft. Give me an Agnelli. Actually, Leroy should get one for his dog.

http://www.agnellimilanobici.com/?product=n-010320179001-sidecar

Anonymous said...

As someone whose struggles with things mechanical is such that even replacing a chain successfully inspires triumphal rejoicings, I gotta say that I’d love to have Ascari-man’s shop skills, though not his hat or the bike that he’s conjured up.

Doc Sarvis said...

Ascaris?
Why would you name your bike shop after intestinal parasites?

mojo au gogo said...

get a columbine bike, actual riding bikes with beautiful detailing and they aren't wobbly brooklynite meth freaks designs with crappy water soluble leather wrappings... columbines put the craft into a better riding as well as good looking vehicles...
ascari is beautiful but not as a bicycle but as an exercise in metal work on a bicycle...

dux de luxe

mojo au gogo said...

get a columbine bike, actual riding bikes with beautiful detailing and they aren't wobbly brooklynite meth freaks designs with crappy water soluble leather wrappings... columbines put the craft into a better riding as well as good looking vehicles...
ascari is beautiful but not as a bicycle but as an exercise in metal work on a bicycle...

dux de luxe

Federico F. Fredriksen said...

Mr. Rock Machine - If your chainguard and brakes are too difficult to remove from the bike when replacing a tire or tube, you could always switch to something that doesn't have a chain and therefore doesn't require a chainguard: http://www.stringbike.com/

dop said...

Jeepers Cleo, glad you're on the mend.

They used to call me Fred (really). said...

I’m with Doc Sarvis on this one, as when I read ascari, all I thought of was the parasite. Guess hipsters don’t research names too well... What’s next, Ebola bikes?

Paladin said...

Scott Brown was hanging around having a few beers and watching "Have Gun - Will Travel" and decided, have gun, will travel.

Anonymous said...

I just got new roller brakes put on my Fr8. It carries very precious cargo. For service, I would take it to Propel.

Skidmark said...

N/A 3:13 pm. I believe you may have missed the symbolic nature of the "wooden rims" with which the white AssCarry track bike is here fore curated through purposeful selection to create an environmental gestalt with the feel and ambience of a climate and atmosphere of ecology embracing the fine art of headdown/assup bicycle riding.

Michael Benedict said...

FYI: https://www.rei.com/event/introduction-to-mountain-biking-class-level-1/yonkers/183737

Rei promo shot message: u need a truck with bouncy expensive bikes to start mtb-ing. This is yonkers, btw. A la Snob and his Outside article, I live not too far from Sprain and ride my bike to and fro these trails. I get not everyone can or does, but this is a terrible image for an introduction to MTB. Good for REI to offer this class, but the marketing or whatever here is just plain crap.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Michael Benedict,

It's too bad that between marketing like this and the total lack of bike routes, etc. around places like Sprain there are absolutely no cues that riding to the ride is a "normal" thing to do. The drive is just assumed, amd if you're inclined to ride there you've got to figure it out for yourself, ride on sidewalks, etc.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

steel is real, and glueboard seems to be the hardest wood.

Anonymous said...

I think you might like that :

http://www.sports.fr/cyclisme/articles/premier-cas-de-dopage-mecanique-en-france-1962686/

"Mechanical doping" in a cat 3 amateur race in France.

Freddy Murcks said...

Uh, I believe you meant to type 'tarck bike.' As in "[Ass Carry] offer[s] a tarck bike."

JLRB said...

Ascati - the bike that stands out to attract thieves