Monday, August 7, 2017

Much Ado About Fredness

Well I'm still waiting for my wooden speed sleigh, which I understand should be coming any day now:


In the meantime I've been training hard on my chubby bike:


As well as my bike with those curved-type handlebars like they use in the Tour de France:


And of course now that I'm on Strava I intend to push the Renovo and myself to our very limits:


That's right, I plan to set those Strava segments on fire--unless of course the Renovo goes up in flames first.

Speaking of test items, a little while ago I mentioned that I'd received a set of these reusable locking zip ties from Hiplok:


While I've been carrying one around in my jersey pocket lately just in case I need to duck into a store in a low-crime area, I admit I haven't had occasion to actually use one yet.  However, do you see that little two-pronged key?


Well it totally saved my ride yesterday.

Here's what happened.

As the curator of a vast publishing empire and the father of an undisclosed number of human children it's not too often that I have time to go for a leisurely Sunday ride.  However, yesterday the stars aligned in just such a was as to make that possible.  So I grabbed the Ol' Milwaukee and pointed it north.

However, a few blocks from my home, I noticed a potentially ride-ending problem:

My bar tape was messed up.

Specifically, the edge of one piece of bar tape had wriggled itself free from beneath the overlapping piece, and so it was popping up a tiny bit.  Now, as a parent with limited riding time my capacity for bicycle imperfection has increased considerably over the years.  Filthy bike?  Out-of-true wheel?  Rusty chain?  I no longer give any of these a second thought.

However, riding around with unraveling bar tape is a notch above sporting a great big greasy chain ring tattoo, and the level of distraction it would present during my ride was akin to having a pebble in my shoe or a burr in my chamois.

Anyway, I was just about to throw the bike over a guardrail and give up cycling forever when it occurred to me that I could take that little zip tie key and tuck the tape back where it belonged.  So that's what I did:


Success!

Incidentally, this particular tape says "Do not stretch" on the package, but clearly there's a fine line between not stretching and not wrapping tightly enough, and I guess I must have been just beneath that line by the time I made my way to the top of the bar.

It is exceedingly comfortable though, so I'm willing to ride the learning curve.

Speaking of Strava, now that I'm broadcasting my lame rides to the world, clearly I need to take the next step and make dramatic videos about them--just like world famous fixie bike rider Patrick Seabase:

Morocco - Riding in the Atlas Mountains from Patrick Seabase on Vimeo.

This clip captures the beauty of riding in the High Atlas Mountains, close to Marrakech. 
A place, rich in culture and history - Containing a wide range of topography, ideal for cycling.
From the intense atmosphere of Marrakech to the silent peaks up to 3000m.

Gearing: 47/17

No, this clip does not capture the beauty of riding in the High Atlas Mountains.  What it captures is the intricate linework of Patrick Seabase's chest tattoo and the wispy hairs of his mustache:


It also captures the deranged look of someone chasing a phantom derailleur in the sky:


Then, on the way down, it captures the frantic spinning and skidding we've all been laughing at since 2007:


And finally it captures the unavoidable truth that riding a fixie is only slightly less badass than riding a motor scooter:


All of this is doubly clear if you mute the soundtrack, which accounts for about 95% of the video's drama.

Lastly, remember when Fred Specs were going to be all the rage?


("Come in, Planet Fred.  Do you read me, Planet Fred?")

Well maybe not:


SANTA CLARA, Calif. (BRAIN) — Intel Corporation has quietly discontinued its Recon Jet smart sunglasses line as part of its reported move out of the wearables market. In a document published on the Intel website, the company said it would stop accepting orders for the products on Sept. 29.

Though not everybody's giving up on the concept:

Everysight, an Israel-based company, is continuing to move ahead with its heads-up display sunglass, also marked for cyclists. The company attended Summer PressCamp last month and said it will begin shipping its glasses soon. 


Because you can never have too much information:


I hope they come out with a monocle version I can use with my wooden bike.

60 comments:

Synonymous said...

Hello? Is this thing turned on?

dop said...

the ass elbow paradox...

N/A said...

Haha, I appreciated the ass/elbow label.

Frickus Rungus said...

Missed it by "that much".

I've been seeing signs on the multi-use paths around town lately that say "Walkers First" and have a picture of a bike on them. I'm not sure what to make of them... Do they:
1) Indicate that walkers are going to be the first to go extinct, being the lowest species on the transportation food chain?
2) Advertise a new bank founded by renown financier Walker Fredlington that specializes in financing specializeds?
3) Or proclaim pedestrians as a group for the top podium spot?

Freddy Murcks said...

Everysight = vaporware^10

Anonymous said...

Re Strava: wait, you run?!? Please don't start swimming, I'm already having a moral dilemma here

ken e. said...

swimming is the only sport i do that doesn't involve falling down.

Spokey said...


i claim a podium spot. you all just need to get a bigger podium

MolassesChamois said...

OFF!

JLRB said...

All aboard that train ... to Marrakech

ugh - sappy old song now stuck in my head, or is it my elbow

Fourhourerection said...

Woulda made podium, but my bar tape got caught in the spokes.

janinedm said...

I still get chain ring tattoos pretty regularly on my swoop handlebar bike. I call it the utility cyclists' tattoo, since it's not on the inside of my right leg, but on the outside of my left leg because it's my only bike without a kickstand and I tend to lean it against my body.

Easily Amused said...

The New Phone Book is here! The new phone book is here! I mean, Bike Snob is back, The Bike Snob is back!

Anonymous said...

I use the map-my-ride app when I bike and run. I've tried Strava, but don't love it. MmR does kind of motivate me somewhat, particularly to put the mileage in and also provides some details on performance over time, which can be a bit discouraging as you get older and slower. It's kind of fun to have a record of rides and runs that you've done in far flung places, while on vacation or whatever. Since I'm not KO anything it doesn't really push me towards assholish behavior. also I keep my phone in my jersey pocket so I'm not distracted during the ride so feel generally 'unplugged" for whatever that is worth. I dislike Mondays.

Anonymous said...

Oh RTMS, do you stockpile the funny during your breaks or had your absence just left me mirthless?

And am I the hundredth person to ask if you've seen Icarus yet?

McFly said...

If you come across a bushel or peck of those little salad bar corn on the cobs you could whip out your trusty ZipLoc key and smash down on those delectable babies.

Dooth said...

Renovo conveniently neglects to mention how attractive their bike is to hungry woodpeckers.

dnk said...

I came here to make a nonplussed comment about Strava.

I stayed for the video of the fixie fred in the Atlas mountains.

In terms of comments, I think "TOKO HERBAL" pretty much nailed it. Although I believe Obat Maag Kronis can be obtained at a market amid the intense atmosphere of Marrakech.

crosspalms said...

jet freds on Strava
I suppose NASA will be next

And welcome back!

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Last time I used Strava I left it on after docking the CitiBike which Motivate owns and too the ferry home.
There were no swim segments following the Brooklyn shoreline to Bay Ridge ...
But it was a personal best!


vsk

BamaPhred said...

Why is everyone giving me kudzu's all the time?
Uumm, sir, those are "kudo's"
Damn! Do I have to get a shot for it?

Grump said...

In the Seabase video, he almost clocked that kid who was looking the wrong way.....PS. Something is wrong with people who post all their rides on Strava.

1904 Cadardi said...

Is that an Armadillo in the road or are you just glad to see us?

Well, we're glad to see you too Wildcat. Welcome back!

Unknown said...

Wal-Mart bought Rapha.

Well, not quite, but kind of.

Freddy Murcks said...

Unknown @3:05 - I have never felt the need to buy Rapha's overpriced shit, now I am doubly not buying their overpriced shit.

wle said...

geez that fixie dudebro ride/vid : it;s all speeded up and slowed down so much i can;t tell even tell if he's GOING up or down... what i want to know is, how the hell do you calculate how much slope and distance = "blowout half way down" from all the freaking skidding..

Funnelwebmaster?!? said...

""...is an exciting day for Rapha,” Mottram said. “The arrival of RZC Investments as a shareholder means we can pursue our mission to elevate cycling as a global sport and recruit more participants by engaging them and enabling them to ride with us at all levels.”

What does that even mean?!?

Anonymous said...

Whoa!
What do you got against scooters?!

wle said...

no comment, except i did find out that i like this bro-dude even less than 'scooters'.

Ahmed Dillo said...

A pound of armadillo meat contains 780 calories.

Most armadillos seen dead on the road did not get hit by the wheels. When an armadillo is frightened it jumps straight into the air.

Armadillos can be housebroken.

Armadillos have four babies at a time, always all the same sex. They are perfect quadruplets, the fertilized cell split into quarters, resulting in four identical armadillos.
Armadillos get an average of 18.5 hours of sleep per day.
Armadillos can walk underwater.
Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.

Coline said...

Darn! Pulled a muscle laughing at that monocle line!

dancesonpedals said...

Ahmed-

That last tidbit would explain that production of Ben Hur with a cast of armadillos.
(Or the dearth of armadillos who play hockey...no one wants a face off in the corner)

I'm glad I don't have a Renovo and a Pine Mountain. How would I choose between a woody or a chubby?

Schisthead said...

"PS. Something is wrong with people who post all their rides on Strava."

How many true statements can you make by removing one or more words from this sentence?


P.S. My favorite would be "Something is wrong"

bieks said...

Two things:

1. Now that you're on Strava, you need an ebike, just to annoy the other stravista.

2. 47/17? Forty-seven? Who has a 47 tooth chainring? Anal people, that's who.

Cask of Armadillo said...

I know my ass from my elbow. Thank you very much!

Anonymous said...

Now that you're a confirmed strava fanatic...you should add relive.cc which will automatically generate a video from each ride.

Fortune Auto said...

I would die for a cask of armadillo. Lead me on!

Anonymous said...

The Marrakech kronis will get you publicly stoned to death

Joe Camel said...

Armadillos in Marrakech are routinely killed by camel drivers recklessly trying to pad their Strava numbers.

Dooth said...

Cycling the Atlas Mountains with the cadence of a gerbil spinning a wheel doesn't look like fun. It's a disgrace to track bikes everywhere!

Who needs copy editors? said...

"I like Strava," people have told me. "It movitates me to ride."

BikeSnobNYC said...

Who needs copy editors?,

Thanks for the passive-aggressive comment. Where's the problem, awesome copy editor?

--Wildcat Etc.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

"Incidentally, this particular tape says "Do not stretch" on the package, but clearly there's a fine line between not stretching and not wrapping tightly enough, and I guess I must have been just beneath that line by the time I made my way to the top of the bar."

From my own experience, I can tell you there is no fine line between wrapping that tape tightly enough and the outer colored layer wearing off from the underlying foam layer. It looks like you wrapped it with very little overlap. That kind of tape can be taken off and re-wrapped. You may want to rewrap with more overlap, but then you'll have more bare bar between the end of the tape and the stem.

Get in touch with Zevlin and see if they'll set you up with some Big40 2.5 to review. You won't be disappointed! You could even start selling custom BSNYC Zevlin Big 40 on the side of your blog, I'd buy it!

Crosspalms said...

I thought Zevlin Big 40 was one of those things you drank from of a paper bag in an out-of-the-way place

john q public said...

I like Fox news. It motivates me to die.

Anonymous said...

Strava.

Nope.


bad boy of the south said...

I see that you tied one on.

JLRB said...

I need something to motivate me to ride through this sunmer cold - nasty friggin bug - I don't think an app will help - time for more cofefe

JLRB said...

And McFly mini corn cob holder for COD

leroy said...

Well this explains my dog's constant inquiries whether this is the year I try to hang with the Gran Fondon't splinter gruppetto.

Anonymous said...

#whatgarminmountangleareyourunning

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 11:22am,

Apple Watch!

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

Was going to make a comment about the Dixie guy but auto correct keeps changing Dixie to Dixie. So, screw it.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

Seattle lone wolf said...

Anon 12:34, bravo!

who needs copy editors? said...

Sorry, thought you'd want to know so you could go in and fix your typo. I've always had the impression that nobody's editing the online stuff at Outside.

Die free said...

Thanks for explaining that... I watched that video and was wondering why that guy was riding like such a moraine (pileofrocks) (tm). Fking FIXIE.

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babble on said...

Heh. Knew it was just a question of time once you started mapsplaining your rides to us. Welcome to the world of stravaddiction, snobi wan. :) XO