Tuesday, July 11, 2017

It's a Le Mans Start Today, So Kindly Walk to the Other Side of the Room Until I Give the Word

Good morning!

Welcome to your Official BSNYC Tour de France Recap, brought to you by the Best Made Co. "Bowl Dancer" Toilet Brush:


We designed the Bowl Dancer from the ground up to evoke the act of butter-churning each time you clean your commode.  The handle and stand are constructed from locally-grown teak (don't worry about where it's grown, it's local to wherever you happen to be) to resist humidity and urine splatter, and the brush is made from Japanese boar whiskers to remove even the most stubborn fecal remnants from your porcelain.  


Oh, and for best results, make sure to use with Best Made's "Bowlshine" bowl cleaner:


Has a night of small-batch artisanal bourbon consumption left you with a case of the "whiskey shits?"  Our Moonshine Bowlshine is distilled from hydrogen peroxide, fresh-squeezed Dekopon juice, and hairless cat urine.  Just don't confuse it with our Best Made "Moonshine," which comes in the same kiln-fired earthenware jug:


Or, do, because it's all the same shit anyway.


Anyway, moving on to the Official BSNYC Tour de France Recap, yesterday was...a rest day:


Shit.

Speaking of the outdoors and things with the letter "X" on them, meet "LIGHTPACK, the World's First Electroluminescent Backpack:"


The bag was thought of and designed by Sully Sefil, artist and designer of Rock The Street brand. X-shaped bright logo symbolizes the crossroads of streets, styles and cultures. In union resides strength and in the mix we find the source of wealth and progress.

Sounds creepy--almost as creepy as these handlebars:



3 REASONS FOR A NEW DESIGN

So there are three main reasons for creating a new design for the traditional road bike top tude.
1. Reduce wind resistance
2. Reduce the risk of injury to wrists, elbows and shoulders due to misalignment of arms when holding your elbows in close to your body in order to reduce wind resistance, and
3. Reduce the risk of accidents due to a rider not holding the handlebar in order to achieve a less wind resistant position.

Handlebars like this are generally designed for people who really should be riding bars like this:


Or this, both of which address Reasons 2 and 3:


But haven't yet come to terms with the fact that Reason 1 has absolutely no bearing on their lives whatsoever because they totally suck.

Plus--and this may sound crazy--when you want to get aero shouldn't you be riding in the drops anyway?


I mean sure, I realize 90% of road bike owners have never actually placed their hands in the drops, but one day some Fred is bound to try it and the world of cycling will be changed forever.

Lastly, a reader has forwarded me the Y-Foil of your wildest dreams:



About Trek's famous YBikes:

These USA made carbon bikes are an example of what US carbon fiber manufacturing can produce. The Optimum Compaction Low Void (OCLV) monocoque mainframe uses techniques developed by Boeing to build 747/747 tail fins and is virtually indestructible while being ultra light weight.

The unique Y-bike design established the pattern followed by countless other manufacturers but it was first, and best, done here. The URT (unified rear triangle) rear suspension is superior to multi-link setups for cross country riding providing a nominal stiffening/lockout under load (while remaining active unlike other URT designs) while being stiffer, less wear and damage prone, and lighter. 

It's the epitome of retro-chic.



41 comments:

Jasper said...

Early doors

Anonymous said...

podium

cdinvb said...

Changing over to summer tires - podo?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Rounding out the podium...

dnk said...

Disgraceful shitbird Donald J. Trump may yet go to prison!

BamaPhred said...

Tripped over my own feet trying to do this Lemans Start thing. I trust you Snob, but I'm going to have to go to the Bedt Made site to verify those toilet scrubbing accessories. This has to be an April Fools kind of prank, but it's not April.

N/A said...

My Pontiac Lemans never starts.

JLRB said...

Best Made - > B.M. -> Bowel Movement

The best of days starts with a B.M.B.M.

(The B.M. toilet bowel brush was on sale on Amazon prime day for only $1,400 - I bought three)

theEel said...

weed.

Schisthead said...

Figured I'd look for more entertaining BM media.
Some funny looking content, and then redirect to a JS patch.

I guess BM is working on the best malware now?

dancesonpedals said...

Those X lights would be great for letting everybody at the rave what you're selling.

Logjam said...

B.M. should craft a modular outhouse, constructed of locally sourced stoolwood (noted for it's odor absorbing qualities), that can be assembled over your existing toilet, thereby giving you the sensation of going outdoors while going indoors.

The Pesidential Edition model comes with a built in cellphone holder.

crosspalms said...

So that's how my arms got misaligned.

Freddy Murcks said...

$2750 for a Dreck Y bike? $27.50, maybe.

hellbelly said...

Those Portland left-handed cigarettes are on point if they are making the Y-bike purveyor believe they'll get nearly $3K for that POS.

Anonymous said...

I tried to add the products to the cart, but there was a malfunction. I'm just going to have to carry on. My toilet is never dirty anyway. You see, the wife and I have different definitions of clean.

Freddy Murcks said...

hellbelly - If you read the Craigslist ad, you'll see that the idiot hoping to sell his POS Dreck Y bike believes that they regularly sell for $4K+ and that he's offering a real bargain. In my experience, you pretty much can't give away a 26er of any kind these days, much less a shitshow like a 20yo Y foil. He also believes that his Y foil is museum quality, but he wants it to be ridden and not in a museum because bikes like that 'deserve to be ridden.' I wish him all the luck in the world. Really, I do.

Anonymous said...

Every day I take a shit, it's a best- made shit. I usually pause to admire the purposeful aesthetic of a bowl filled, and perhaps even stained, with my own feces.

Squirt the Lube said...

The Y bike has the last unbroken pair of Kooka Double Barrel cranks. The blood red paint is on point.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. BSNYC -

My dog wishes to note that your review of the Best Made Bowl Dancer reminded him of the adage "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But if it tries to give you piles, pile on."

I'm not sure what he meant by that, if that's really an adage, or why he was humming Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz' paean to pole dancing: "Get Low."

Although in hindsight, "Now stop then wiggle wit it" could be operating instructions.

And I think we can all agree they just don't write love songs like that anymore.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

"Don't worry about where it's grown... " it's all from JI-NA!!! anyway.

"Vintage Crabon"... the recipe for strength.

$1,600 ... does that include the little man / woman / bathroom concierge/valet?

vsk

wishiwasmerckx said...

As an enthusiastic vintage Trek Y-Foil mountain bike owner, I will refrain from comment.

Frankly, I would not part with mine for $2,750.00.

His is a bastardized version. I can promise you that in 1995, that bike did not leave the factory with a front disc brake. Those are not the factory rear brakes, either.

Mine is in factory condition, which improves the aesthetics considerably.

dancesonpedals said...

Avert your eyes...or turn into salt

Unknown said...

Just google "trek y22 guitar" and you'll find the best use for those old trek bikes.

Drock said...

Reading Le Mans made me go and read the rest my by super Le Mans, she's heavy but rides like silk. Now for toilet cleaning cause seeing the brush reminded of something I need to do. Oh a rest days come on, motors don't need no rest days.

1904 Cadardi said...

That toilet bowl cleaner looks like the made by Kleantek, formally known as the US Cleaning and Scrubbing Products Company, and they've been making really high quality brushes for almost 150 years. They were, in fact, one of the very first companies to have normalized trade relations with a Japanese keirestu (Tokozaibatsan) in order to secure the needed quantities of boar hair. Janitors praise them for the ability to scrub nearly any surface without scratching and are frequently handed down from generation to generation with each owner adding the patina on the handle. Little known fact, there is a mirror on the handle so the user can find and remove any leftover residue under the rim, or splash back that might land in the eyes.

Now Best Made is buying them in bulk, painting a stripe and applying a name plate while jacking up the price 1000% so some poor idiot in Brooklyn can put it on a shelf. Schmucks.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Murcks,

So...you pretty much can't give away a 26er of any kind these days?

Really? Please give em away to me then. Thanks.

A Little Bit Flushed said...

1904 Cadardi.
Really?? No shit?

Grump said...

After watching (with immense interested), your Eyropro commercial, I was concerned that I was never notified that UCI rules were changed so that all road races were to be run on narrow bike paths. Will these new rules apply to USA Cycling, also??

Chazu said...

Way too much Tour coverage here this week. I may need to avert my eyes until late July. But then, I may not be able to look away...

bieks said...

So the Y-foil is

"an example of what US carbon fiber manufacturing can produce"

Neither a good example nor a bad example. Just an example

Ritchie Rich is my Uncle said...

What self-respecting person cleans his/her own toilet these days, anyway?

But as a showpiece, it may have more value with a famous celebrity's toilet splatter embedded in it.

Ritchie Rich is my Uncle said...

Whose used toilet brush would YOU pay good money for?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Late today but this will be the "Top Tude" of comments. I never take a shit, but do try to leave one at least once a day.

Martin Amis said...

One detail forgotten in the Y-Bike ad is that it belonged to George Plimton. He never really got into mountain biking, so it is lightly used. Good Spondee, indeed.

Dooth said...

Eeyore handlebars; could be worse. Not sure how, but it could be.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Amis @4:54 -

Chapeau.

bad boy of the sooth said...

I miss my old y3...after putting many miles on her,I needed room in the basement and gave her away to a neighbor.sorry,baby.

Craig Stahl said...

I guess we are supposed to beat up PDX. But that bike is pretty cool. The price is fair. And I bet it is super fun to ride. Is there room for fun riding bikes AND snark?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Craig Stahl,

It's not PDX, it's the original Portland in ME.

--Wildcat Etc.

N/A said...

There's always room for snark, regardless of milieu.