Frêd-à-Porter

Hello and welcome to the Official Bike Snob NYC Tour de France Recap!

Brought to you by Soft Scrub Cleanser*:

*[Soft Scrub has provided me with no compensation of any kind.  In fact they're completely unaware of their "sponsorship."  I'm just an enthusiastic user of their product...for cleaning, mostly.]

Soft Scrub has Instant Cleaning Action:

It's also a product of the Henkel Company:

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But most of all, it's delicious**!

**[Consult with your pediatrician before allowing your child to drink Soft Scrub.  If your pediatrician says it's okay, find another pediatrician.]

Okay, so with that out of the way, let's get down to the recap!

So wait...what stage are we on?

Shit.

The last thing I remember was that they kicked out Peter Sagan:



He seems really bummed about winning a stage and then going to Monaco.

But don't worry.  Even though the Tour has lost its most popular rider there's still plenty to get excited about:

Did you notice Taylor Phinney's shoes at the the Tour? He's wearing these new super-light Giro Prolight Techlaces. https://t.co/7wj5vSTyYW

— VeloNews (@velonews) July 6, 2017

Fascinating.

And that's pretty much all I know about the Tour.

Sorry, Soft Scrub.

Moving on, great news for all you Freds out there!  According to the New York Times, you can now wear your stretchy clothes off the bike:

See?

From the biking shorts at Louis Vuitton to the “Tour de Ralph” racing jerseys at Ralph Lauren and an actual designer-branded bicycle at Balenciaga, this season we saw fashion merging with bike culture on the runway. Combine your biking gear (like cycling shorts) with everyday clothes (hoodies and baggy shirts) to attempt the look on the street. (It’s also one way to embrace that ubiquitous short shorts trend this summer.)

By the way, I used a popular search engine to search for the term "Tour de Ralph" and I'll be gosh-darned if Ol' Man Lifshitz didn't totally rip off Rapha:

I mean come on:

Lifshitz is lifting shit if you know what I mean.

Though I will say "Tour de Ralph" is a perfect name for the line because that's exactly what it makes you want to do:

Oh, and what about that Balenciaga bicycle?

Let me guess:

Is it an insanely expensive "collabo" fixie?

A dandy-riffic leather-wrapped city bike?

Some sort of bedazzled folder?

Nope:

For those eager to peddle into Balenciaga-branded action, it’s your lucky day. The Balenciaga bikes will be sold exclusively at colette, and will retail for around $3,900 (listed at 3500 euros), and are available to purchase in-store today.

It was only a matter of time before the New York City food delivery bike look had its haute couture moment, though you really need to jack that rear filth prophylactic up and point the nose of the saddle way down to get the full effect:

Lastly, not to ralph up content I've already shared on the Bike Forecast, but those of you who reside in the New York City area will be amused to learn that officials in Tarrytown and Nyack are plotzing over the prospect of 24-hour Tappan Zee pedestrian and bicycle access:

For those of you unfamiliar with the area, Nyack and environs is where all the Freds head on the weekends, and the locals have a long history complaining about the people who keep their cafés in business:

Hey, if my money's not green enough for you I'll just point my Balenciaga bike elsewhere...just as soon as I get my Tour de Ralph jersey back from the dry cleaner.