A Brief Wednesday Dispatch

I know this is real tin foil helmet stuff, but I suspect there may be a relationship between irresponsible motor vehicle operation:

And hurting people with your car:

This occurred yesterday, and you can read all about it on the Bike Forecast.

Disasters aside, yesterday was a lovely day to be on a bicycle:

So I headed downtown, where the NYPD had my customary reserved parking space waiting for me:

I then went about my business secure in the knowledge that these apiarists would dispatch a swarm of bees to sting any would-be bike thieves:

Presumably this was a presentation by the New York City Beekeepers Association:

But I didn't bother to watch because I've got enough going on in my life without having to grapple with the concept of Bee Freds.

Indeed, the deplorable state of my bicycles reflects just how busy I am.  Consider the bicycle I was riding yesterday--the iconic Ironic Orange Julius Bike--whose rear hub currently looks like this:

This is probably because: 1) I have not used the fixie side of the hub since like 2008; and B) prior to yesterday I hadn't ridden the bike since my "epic" post-snowstorm citywide bike lane survey back in March, after which I put the bike away without so much as a cursory wipe-down:

Indeed, the bike was in such a sorry state yesterday morning that instead of lubing the chain I simply threw it away and installed a new one--and by "new" I mean I went to my drawer full of chains and picked one more or less at random.  What's mildly concerning about this Drawer of Mystery is that I can no longer remember why I relegated most of those chains to it in the first place, so who knows what manner of defects they may be hiding.  Similarly daunting is Tube Mountain, which is made of tubes I've set aside for patching, and which at this point would require at least five years in solitary confinement to repair completely.

I suspect if said it before but I will say it again: while some dream of exotic bike vacations, I would give almost anything for a week of uninterrupted bike maintenance during which I could perform badly-needed overhauls on all of my bicycles.

Pending that, I only service or replace parts when they stop working, which means riding the Ironic Orange Julius Bike in particular keeps me in a thrilling state of suspense.

Moving on, yesterday I touched upon the sorry state of American professional men's cycling, and as we head into the Tour de France this VeloNews story underscores just how sorry it is:

Two rookies and a GC hunter is the threadbare American presence in the 2017 Tour de France.

Matching a two-decade low from two years ago, only three American riders will race in cycling’s marquee event. It’s even worse for Canada, with zero representation.

In your face, Canada!

All three — Taylor Phinney, Nathan Brown, and Andrew Talansky — wear Cannondale-Drapac colors.

But only one of them wears headphones that zorch his brain.

Alas, if we're to be totally honest, who among us does not long for the heady days of America's doped-up supersquad?

I mean these riders are still doping anyway, so why the hell shouldn't America be the best at it?

Yes, apart from the fact that Alberto Contador is still being supported by a team of EPO-addled domestiques it truly is a new clean era in professional cycling.

Honestly the only thing surprising about any of this is that the Tour de France is only three days away.

It snuck up on me like that rusty drivetrain.

At this point I'm really going to have to scramble not to pay attention to it.