Friday, November 18, 2016

I don't feel tardy.

Sorry.

You can go ahead and file this post under "too little too late."

Here's what happened:


It's been just a few PSI over a year since I took delivery of the Marin Pine Mountain 1, and it was a ridiculously beautiful day, so I figured I'd indulge in my standard behind-the-mall jaunt before completing my blogular responsibilities.  It was quite an enjoyable ride, and I felt nothing but sprightly.  The outdoor mall adjacent to the park has a Whole Foods, so afterward I stopped in for some lunch.  People often look at me funny for riding a bike through a shopping mall, but I also look funny at them in return for shopping at a mall when they could be riding mountain bikes instead.

Everything was fine, and there were no signs anything was amiss with me physically but by the time I got home I felt like ass.  Total ass.  Like "I can't pick up my head or I'm gonna puke" ass.

I don't know if it was something I ate or just some post-ride atomic bonk-cum-dehydration freakout, but only now am I able to type words into my computing device, and I deeply apologize for leaving you blogless.

There was one thing unusal about the ride though, which is that when I got to the gate that leads to the trails it was ajar and there was an empty shopping cart in front of it:


I don't know if someone stole a bunch of shit from Dick's Sporting Goods and vanished into the forest, or if someone went a-deer huntin' and used the shopping cart to portage his kill back to his car, sort of like this guy from the other day:



I should have taken it as an omen.

Speaking of fat tires (the Marin has them), the road Freds are onto them too, and before I headed out this morning I noted this article in which James Huang dives deep into the wide rim craze:


It was only just a handful of years ago that 15mm was considered an optimal width for everyday road wheels, narrow enough to slice through the air, light enough to feel faster on the climbs, and a suitably broad foundation for the 23mm-wide tires commonly used at the time. Today, most modern high-performance road wheels now measure around 20mm — an increase of just 5mm, but a whopping 33%. What’s the thinking behind this rapid change? U.S. technical editor James Huang takes a look at the upsides and downsides of this now-common trend.

This is obviously one of the few roadie crazes that actually makes sense, though rest assured it's only a temporary fad.  After all, we've been through this before:


As you can see, Fred tires were pretty plump to begin with, but then they got all skinny, and now they're getting fat again, and I promise you in 20 years they'll be insisting that you (or your progeny) should be riding on 21mm tires inflated to 120psi.

It's like a whole Big Bang/Big Crunch thing.

Anyway, you'd think you could just put some fatter tires on the wheels you already have, but these are roadies you're talking about so you'd be wrong.  You need new ones:

“Going wider makes the tire take on a better shape for better handling,” according to Boyd Johnson of Boyd Cycling. “It allows you to use a wider tire and not have a lightbulb shape (picture a 28mm tire on a 13mm rim). It also helps with aerodynamics in the higher yaw range, and allows you to use the wheel for multiple purposes. The same wheel you are using in a crit can be used for gravel or cyclocross.”

I dunno, I've always used everything from 23s to 32s or so on my road bike wheels, and it seemed to work just fine.  But but apparently in addition to sacrificing precious handling precision I was also risking my life:

“Even though the norms might seem silly, they are real,” stressed Mavic global brand manager Chad Moore. “The safety concerns are real. The tests are real. The failures are real. It’s not bullshit. Being one of, if not the biggest wheel manufacturers in the world, we simply cannot take any chances. I can offer you a lot of math about percentages of failures per hundreds or thousands of wheels based on the ETRTO testing, but I don’t think I need to. With the amount of Ksyrium wheel-tire systems that we sell, you can imagine how even just 1-in-1000 failures could impact our customers. We just don’t want to take that chance.”

Bold words indeed from the company that brought you the exploding R-Sys:


In conclusion, pile up all your old 23mm tires, make a tire fire, and purchase new expensive new tires and wheels immediately.

Lastly, remember that paper bike helmet?  It won that Dyson award:



It also works as a filter for your vacuum cleaner, so at least it's economical.

And with that I leave you, and hopefully whatever's ailing me passes quickly.  Please accept my apologies, or don't, what do I care, and either way I'll see you back here on Monday.  Ride safe and enjoy the weekend.


Humbly yours,



--Wildcat Rock Machine


70 comments:

slowdawg said...

1st

slowdawg said...

Dreams do come true

Schisthead said...

I'm glad you're alive.

I don't say that about many people.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

4th Scranus.

Spokey said...

damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn,

no podi

Anonymous said...

Best I've ever done!!! (I hope you get better soon.)

Anonymous said...

Top ten you fat ass suckers.

dnk said...

Dangit. The outdoor mall food court.

Rest up and feel better.

Anonymous said...

You typed "But but...". Perhaps that region is the cause of your illness.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"Higher yaw range"

That's hilarious.

Old timer said...

Huh? What? Oh....yay! There you are...

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Top ten at 8:17PM! I thought I missed the memo that said there was a new blog called fuckitI'mleasingaHyundaiSnobNYC!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Mavic wasn't sending us their best and brightest back when those R-SYS wheels were self-destructing, that's for sure!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wait till after dark to throw those tires on the fire. No need to attract any unwanted attention.

Hope you get feeling better soon.

Dooth said...

We were all worried sick about while you felt ass.

bieks said...

We were afraid you were riding gravel with skinny rims and fat tires. A combination proven to cause the rider to spontaneously combust. I read it on Facebook so it's a fact. Glad you're not combusted.

ken e. said...

"stranger to my happiness!" -sharon jones, RIP

glad nothing terribly untoward transpired wildcat.

Anonymous said...

DICKCART
ASSPLODEASS
HAVEA
NICEWEEKEND
GLADUR
A LIVE

Anonymous said...

"by the time I got home I felt like ass"
~ Snobby

I do hope you got some.

And I do hope we get some coverage of your ride on Monday.

Powerbar Farts said...

I was getting a little worried about you. Sorry you felt like ass. I often feel half-assed. But so did Cunegonde.

Grump said...

Back in the dark ages, when I was a "bike nerd", I would always use a 700x28 tire because I was so unobservant that I would ride over rocks and pot holes. Like everyone else, when I became a little more proficient at my bike riding, I moved to a 700x23. When I started racing, like everyone else, I used a 21.5mm tubular, or when the road was a little rough, a "wide" 22mm tubular.
I have to admit that in the last few years, since I've been battling the forces of gravity, I've taken to using a 25mm clincher tire on my rear wheel, when I'm out by myself.

Theodore said...

BONK -CUM

McFly said...

Suck it up woosie. More like Marin Whine Mountain 1.

leroy said...

Ride safe, ride tardy, but ride tardy a second time and that's retardy.

But so is wearing a coffee filter hat when there's perfectly good tinfoil available.

bad boy visiting north carolina said...

A scranus attack!yeah,that's it.that's the ticket.

JLRB said...

Great, now I've got David Lee Roth ear worm to start the day

I could give you lots of math but I won't because it may prove I am just full of yaw, even if I wasn't born on Thursday

N/A said...

Glad you're alive Wildcat. Perhaps there was something organic in your whole food?
Take a bath, and then wrap a hot towel around your head. And then make yourself some soup, get a nap.

janinedm said...

I hate those days when a ride that you should be able to do on a unicycle while portaging barbells unaccountably kicks you in the ass. Who knows why. Did you have your usual at the Whole Foods?

Drock said...

All that tyre talk and no mention of the pump that fills them. That cart from dicks near the trail, isn't that dicks new child friendly road cart. I got one from there for hauling the youths, shorter wheel base really makes for good speed down the hills. And to some of you who need more in life, let's keep comments to one a post, this ain't facewhorebook.

Sax Huret said...

Mavic released a new wheel that caters to the aerodynamic craze while not being made of crabon fibre. (The deep section bit is made of polymer.) I dread what's going to happen to those things as time progresses.

rudy jenkins said...

I hope you're feeling better.

FredMertz said...

Must be sick, all about cycling and no Trump bashing. Hope we can return to political commentary next week.

Spokey said...

mr leroy

where can i get some of that awesome tinfoil. the only thing i can find is that aweful aluminum foil and that shit screws with my neural activity. not to mention it's rough on the ass.

Spokey said...

the narrowest tyre i've even used was a 27x 1 1/8 so that's a little more than a 28. does that mean i've never been a bike nerd?

never bigger than a 700x37. a couple days ago i was mumbling something about how i'd need a fatty biek if i was going to ride in the snow. at that point spousy erupted with hysterical laughter gasping something about how i was already bitching about how cold it was here in the hemorrhoids. i did point out that i'm now down to three bieks and that was an unlucky number. spousy snarked something about how two would be luckier.

SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HERE

Hulk Hogan to be Head of White House Security said...

Thought sure you were sick as a dog, not Leroy's of course, because of the latest racist nominations by America's Ayatollah.

Tums for the Tummy said...

My mother always told me to never get the mashed yeast from the all you can eat buffer.

Quack Quack Quack said...

Ending Duck Dynasty 2017, makes no sense whatsoever when The Trump Show starts in 2017. The synergy is perfect, white honkers in the White House and white honkers on TV shooting shotguns at honkers. Except for adding religious fanatics letting themselves being bitten by rattlesnakes, what more could one ask for?

wishiwasmerckx said...

It's no fucking wonder you fell ill after eating at Whole Foods.

Had you enjoyed your post-ride repast at Papaya King like a proper New Yorker, you would be just fine.

Some guy from upstate said...

Huh. None of my road wheels are less than 19 mm (measured on the outside). The 27 inch ones on the primary commuter bike (a 30 year old Takara) are 22 (that was all I could find), which works nice with the 1-1/4 tires, which are useful on the "paved" roads of Albany. Imagine finding out you are on the cutting edge without even trying. Or maybe I'm supposed to measure the inside dimension. Then I suppose I am back to being hopelessly out of it. All the MTB rims measure 23-24 mm, which considering they all have tires over 2 inches wide makes me wonder how come I haven't died in a horrific wreck.

And feel better soon, Snob. Tell Mrs Snob to be nice to you and keep some of the 17 snoblings off the bed.

Full Speed Ahead said...

FDR's Presidential Yacht has been purchased by some company who plan to restore it and sell it to the American Taxpayers so The Donald can sit on the fantail looking all FDR'ish. Doubt you'll ever see Gov. CC sitting out there with him.

bieks said...

Tire sizes?

Gimme something to write on.

Bluezurich said...

I jumped on the wide rim bandwagon (Belgium +) but I ride them with 25's so it's not the cra cra thing. I balance it out with an old school frame (Logic) It's all good as the kiddos say.

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

Teddy K? Teddy k? Ted K? Anyone...

crosspalms said...

Sorry I'm late, I was busy bringing the cattle down from the upper yaw range for the winter. Or was it the sheep? Wait, I live in the city and don't have any livestock (except cats). Was I busy booing Mike Pence? No, that was in NY. Went for a ride, but only about 5 miles or so, and stopped by the (not Whole Foods) grocery. But at least I didn't feel like ass when I got back, so I hope you're better, Snob.

Tire size? 700x37 is pretty comfy. I guess I'd ride thinner if I wanted to go fast on smooth roads, but we don't really have those here. And if I wanted to go faster, the first tire question would be about the one I wear. Sad!

Almost forgot: In the checkout line at the grocery, I was behind a guy whose son (5 or 6 years old) was sprawled in his shopping cart. The kid looked up and said, "Dad, can I have a chain saw for Christmas?" I thought of you, Snob, because it could happen. (Dad said no, by the way)

dancesonpedals said...

If you ever need a few bucks, run out of the restaurant/whole foods clutching your stomach and yelling, "it was the clams". On the spot settlements.

Spokey said...

well

Spokey said...

I didn't eat at whole foods

Spokey said...

so

Spokey said...

i'll buck the vicious headwinds

Spokey said...


and at least get us to embarrassing half century through the long weekend

"Trump Tower has the Best Taco Bowl" said...

Trump seen eating at 21, last minute decision to skip the Trump Tower Taco Bowl.

Dooth said...

27's Vittoria Open Pave' CGšŸš“šŸ‘šŸŗ

Past Tense said...

What ever happened to the dachshund of time?

Moma and Poppa said...

Monday, Monday, can't trust that day
Oh Monday mornin', Monday mornin' couldn't guarantee
a blog post from the Snob to me.

SD said...

Past Tense @ 11:36

It melted

Anonymous said...

You "felt like ass"?

Some asses feel pretty damn good. You just need to get your hands on the right ass, and you'll know what I mean.

dancesonpedals said...

šŸŒŠ

Anonymous said...

I have a Continental Touring Plus (I think - with reflective sidewalls) 28mm tire on "standard" road rims, and I find they are really sketchy when moderately inflated. You pump them up to ~90 psi, things are fine, but when they get down below 60 psi, they start flexing in a way that every turn is an adventure. These are on the rear, and it feels like the back of the bike will track somewhere else.

I've had a lot of other 28 mm tires, but none like this, so I think too narrow a rim can be a problem, but something about that conti makes it much worse.

bad boy of the north said...

I have those contis...I have them on my cannonball..I haven't found the problems that you are experiencing.

Anonymous said...

What width tire you runnin' Bro?

bad boy of the north said...

700+28

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