Wednesday, July 20, 2016

This Just In: Bike Sharing is Caring!

In the literary sub-sub-sub-sub-subgenre known as the "bike share travelogue" I am without peer--not because I'm particularly good at it, but because I'm pretty sure nobody else is doing it.

It's a lesson for all the kids out there: if you want to be the best at something, choose something nobody else in their right mind would bother doing.

Anyway, you may recall that not too long ago I undertook a journey for Citi Bike from the High Line to the Lower East Side.  Now, I'm pleased to report that Part II of my travels through the rarefied bubble that is the Citi Bike service area is finally available for your perusal and delectation:

And remember: if you're visiting New York City and would a guided bike tour, my services are available for the low, low price of $1,000 per hour.  (You cover meals and expenses.)

Please enjoy my witty and photo-rich narrative, and if you need me I'll probably be mountain biking.


--Wildcat Rock Machine



73 comments:

Ted K. said...

Note 28. (Paragraph 152) However, some psychologists have publicly expressed opinions indicating their contempt for human freedom. And the mathematician Claude Shannon was quoted in Omni (August 1987) as saying, “I visualize a time when we will be to robots what dogs are to humans, and I’m rooting for the machines.”

Anonymous said...

one more lap?

microcord said...

Obligatory cobblestone street photo is obligatory!

Anonymous said...

scrotium!

paulb said...

The descent along the Manhattan Bridge is exhilarating but it can end in tears and blood at that horrible left-hander. Good job though!

Atherton said...

Let's critical mass the next floor vote at the RNC

JLRB said...

Top tetanus- let the trolling begin

JLRB said...

I'm rooting for the machines too, fake Ted, but by machines I mean bicycles

JLRB said...

Wait - what happened to the obligatory cobbled street photo??? I demand a refund

Matt said...

@TedK...if we "are to be to robots what dogs are to humans", then we're in pretty good shape (at least in MY house)...we're servants to our masters. Feed me...feed me NOW...and we do. Let me out...let me OUT...and we do. Come clean up my poopie...and we do. Yep...not a bad life being a dog.

Lee Ving said...

New York's alright...if you like typewriters.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Bakers' Doesn't! Scranus

N/A said...

Captivating photo-narrative, I felt like I was riding along with you Wildcat. I could almost smell the stale PBR and American Spirits!

bad boy of the north said...

beware of manhattan bridge trolls.nice citibike guest appearance.any mimes today?

dancesonpedals said...

That is perhaps the best visual representation of the food/toilets dichotomy.

Graphic arts live in bklyn!

N/A said...

"Food and Toilets: the Brooklyn Flea market has got you covered from beginning to end!"

DB said...

Pre chewed blocks are two dollars in Galena, Illinois.
Thanks for the excellent tour! Looking forward to the Queens trip.

Grump said...

In many parts of this Great Land, Bike Sharing is also called Stealin'.

nahmean said...

That's belgian block, not cobblestone! WRM you've let me down with your city knowledge; now I'm going to go sell all my bikes and start posting manifesto pieces here every day.

Glory said...

"If you need me I'll probably be mountain biking" is going up on my office door. Trying to text my co-workers that I was going to be an hour late from the top of a ridge put a just-barely-noticeable hair in the sweet sweet honey of this morning's N'l Forest jaunt.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Wait, aren't the infamous cobbles of the Spring Classics made from Belgian blocks?

Nice travelogue, I'm almost tempted to ride over to Brooklyn from NJ!

Anonymous said...

Ellie said....Please let me have your job!

crosspalms said...

The travel is my favorite kind of log. Thanks!

McFly said...

I sure hope you Condom Mimed the Citi Bike couple on the bridge.

(It's a fumbling motion as you try to tear it open while simultaneously staring at titties)

dancesonpedals said...

If Citibike switched to Brooks saddles, WCRM could write one post for both sites.

bieks said...

Glad to see the NYFD finally showed up and doused yesterday's flames.

Caught a peek at Vancouver's new bike share yesterday as I was driving by in a car share. All this sharing - I don't feel like I'm caring.

Tour Guide said...

"rarefied bubble" didn't you mean "rarefied rubble".

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

If only G**gle would invent a virtual smell/odor emitting peripheral device that mimics the scents of the viewed content reading your trog (travel-logue for short)would be just like experiencing your ride in real life.

On second thought maybe not such a good idea.

Scranus.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said...

The website you are attempting to surf to has been classified as ...
Category: LimitedDatingSites;WatchSites;Travel

The big beautiful wall.


vsk

Anonymous said...

Nice work on the citi bike blog. I'm my middle years I've become a very measured consumer of non-consumable goods, although still a voracious consumer of consumables, mostly alcohol. So I appreciate the food and drink offerings of Brooklyn and have often crossed one of the many bridges east from my Manhattan home to partake in such. I can however do without all of the artisanal and ironic brik a brak that the millennials are so fond of. who needs any of that shit really. Is it only Wednesday? Fuck.

Anonymous said...

Any advice/suggested response on a recent notice from our building manager..
Good morning:

For your safety and the safety of others, we are requesting that your bike riding staff members please refrain from wearing their cycling cleats into the building.

We appreciate your assistance with this matter.

N/A said...

Any advice/suggested response...

Advice: Don't wear your cleats into the building.
Suggested response: "I will refrain from wearing my tap shoes into your building, because I'm not a dick."


I'm guessing that there's some a-hole that's tearing up floors with exposed cleats. Recessed cleats would probably go unnoticed.

N/A said...

... or some dummy in biek tap shoes fell and cracked their head (because they foolishly removed their helment) in the building and the building manager doesn't want a lawsuit.

Anonymous said...

The logistics of carrying another pair of shoes or switching to flat pedals is a real PITA. Any other suggestions? Otherwise I'll probably just ignore it.

JLRB said...

Anon - Cleat covers.

Speaking of which, did anyone find one? I lost one and now click on one foot while the other is nice and quiet.

Alternatively, if it is really the safety issue, ask them when they will ask people to not wear stiletto heels in the building.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 3:21pm,

Leave your shoes at work, change them when you get there.

You must be too young to have seen Mr. Rogers.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

@bikesnobnyc I keep my slippers right next to my sweater, up in my office. Problem is I need go through the lobby to get there first.
I'll probably get some shoes with deeper recess per @N/A. Still a PITA.

Anonymous said...

Cleats and clicky shoes are a PITA with little payoff for commuting. Different strokes I guess. I've fully converted to wearing athletic shoes on flat pedals with some pins. It's nice.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymii 3:47pm and 4:16pm,

I used to feel like I had to use clipless pedals all the time. Ditching them for pretty much any kind of city/commuting riding was hugely liberating. In retrospect I don't see what they offer. (Unless you commute on a fixie, in which case the solution is a freewheel.)

But of course my they may offer you advantages/pleasures I'm unaware of for your particular commute (are you commuting on singletrack w/lots of log crossings?), in which case why not carry some super-lightweight shoes or sandals in your bag, or just brave the lobby in socks?

This seems way more complicated than it needs to be.

--Wildcat Etc.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Anonymous, if you want to stick with your cleated bike shoes and cleat covers won't cut it with the building, get some of those cheapie hotel or business class airplane slippers. They should fold up pretty small and go in your jersey pocket or whatever kind of bag you use on your commute. Change into them right before heading into your office and again at the end of the day when you head out of the office.

dancesonpedals said...

Folks, ever hear of recessed cleats? . I can wear these walking from the garage to my office and not fall on my ass.

On my commuter In have the ridiculously named Soho Pedals from Nashbar if I ever want to go commando.

Anonymous said...

That was great! Very much enjoyed the "tour" [also, your street-photography skills are excellent].

bieks said...

I got a $10 pair of those DH style flat pedals and do not miss cleats a tiny bit for commuting. Mind you, regular sized flats feel weird now. I save the clicky shoes for Fred rides and if I want to commute on my nicer bike.

Anonymous said...

@bikesnobnyc I'm probably just going to go with some shoes that (better) hide the cleats. My commute is 10-20 miles (20 miles on good days) and is basically an extension of the ride we did with GP on the Rivendell Ride.
I'm pretty much just pissed off that they came up with this rule because I have to do something different and looking for sympathy.

Fred Zeppelin said...

Why not just take your shoes off and carry them to the office? Or you could use it as an excuse to retire or just stop working. That's what I would do, quit!

fourhourerection said...

Anon 5:58. I wear mountain shoes with recessed cleats. A buddy carries beach sandals. Works.

fourhour erection said...

And vote Libertarian. coneecheewah, bitchiz.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5:58pm,

Fair enough, that makes sense. Plenty of hikey-type MTB shoes that should work. I have some Shimano shoes that I doubt would betray the presence of cleats on a lobby floor.

--Wildcat Etc.

babble on said...

McFly- ooooh, now there's an idea. Next time someone gives me the helmet mime, I am simply going to reply with the universal wanking mime. Perfect. Thank you.

Um, and I'm sorry, but heels are a girl's best friend, especially when riding a bike. Apparently the hipsters appreciate them, too. A hot little twenty something hipster ran up to me as I was riding along Alberni today. He said "I fell in love with you years ago! You're always riding bikes, in heels. So sexy. You're the reason I stayed in Vancouver!" Bless his sweet little out of breath young millennial heart.

Now all I need are stilettos with cleats.:)

Pursed-lipped Pedant said...

"subway rumbles over [the Manhattan Bridge]"

I'm so very, very disappointed in you, Snobby.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Purse-lipped pedant,

Huh?

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

Nice photo essay of neighborhoods destroyed by parentally-funded, interloping, fucktard hipsters. A real New Yorker would never visit the Brooklyn Flea. Time to go back to your flyover state.

Anonymous said...

https://twitter.com/hipsterbeatings

Ric said...

The last time I went to a Bottomless Brunch, there was no good place to hang my pants.

Pursed-lipped Pedant said...

Snobby @ 8:39 PM

Aw, c'mon!

How can a SUBway go OVER anything?

No wonder that Trump freak show is doing so well over there, America's standards have slipped so low they can't even recognise shit anymore...

babble on said...

McFly- ooooh, now there's an idea. Next time someone gives me the helmet mime, I am simply going to reply with the universal wanking mime. Perfect. Thank you.

Um, and I'm sorry, but heels are a girl's best friend, especially when riding a bike. Apparently the hipsters appreciate them, too. A hot little twenty something hipster ran up to me as I was riding along Alberni today. He said "I fell in love with you years ago! You're always riding bikes, in heels. So sexy. You're the reason I stayed in Vancouver!" Bless his sweet little out of breath young millennial heart.

Now all I need are stilettos with cleats.:)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Purse-lipped Pedant,

Because the New York City Subway is called the New York City Subway regardless of whether it is under the ground or going over a bridge. This is also why the elevated subway station by my home says SUBWAY on it in big letters. Read up on the subway system, you may learn something.

But nice try.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

$1,000 is not a bad deal. My company spent $5,000 to send me to a two day seminar and I slept through the whole thing. I know you have a better sense of humor than the average seminar instructor.

Dooth said...

Also, Mr Purse-lipped Pedant, we like to shorten things around here. Like, instead of saying, "shut the fuck up", we'll just say, "shut the fff"...therefore, instead of writing, "subway train rumbles over the Manhattan bridge", our host went with the New Yawkese.

Pursed-lipped Pedant said...

"Read up on the subway system, you may learn something."

My goodness, what crawled up your arse?

No matter, I still love you, but just because convention dictates that your train network be called a subway, even when it's on the surface, elevated or gliding through the clouds on a bridge, doesn't mean you have to blindly follow that convention.

Aren't you the convention defying rebel who railed against calling integrated levers "brifters"?

Read up on cycling nomenclature, you may learn something.

MrLobstermash said...

The motor industry is getting especially weird in Australia. Check this out: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/meet-graham-the-tacs-new-weapon-in-the-fight-against-death-on-the-road-20160720-gq9z6h.html

McFly said...

The Lady Wanking Mime is a whole other game. Not another sport, mind you....just different mechanics and such.

Email me for more info.

McFly said...

If I saw a guy in the lobby with socks I would nickname him Lobby Socks and I'm pretty sure it would stick around here.


"Hey here comes Ol' Lobby Socks again...who do you think you are? LANCE ARMSTRONG?"

Frickus Rungus said...

Advice? ride your bike through the lobby and track stand while you wait for the elevator. You won't touch the floor with your cleats or worry about locking on the street.

BamaPhred said...

An excellent mini travelog.
As opposed to my usual:
Rode down the highway, saw some road kill.
The end.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Purse-lipped Pedant,

What crawled up my "arse?" You did!

Where do you live? I live in New York City. We call it the subway.

Peruse my archives and if you want to feel smart you'll doubtless find countless errors, grammatical and otherwise. This ain't one of them.

Now stop breaking my balls.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

BikeSnobNYC said...

Putz-lipped Pedant,

By the way, what do you call an airplane once it's landed? Do you call it a groundplane?

Ah, what am I talking about, you probably do.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

N/A said...

Also: why do we park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway?

dancesonpedals said...

Approaching Full Moon:

The trolls are back & McFly is on a roll.

ken e. said...

the universe is expanding (for now), so why not what is defined as light rail? someone's biking, cue "outta hereness"

boys on the hoods said...

In the timeless words of Stephen Wright, "if nothing sticks to Teflon how do they stick the Teflon to the pan?"

Why just be a moron when you can be an oxymoron?

bad boy of the north said...

Ah...tis is a beautiful day in the top hats of nyc.too bad i can't use the subway to get there....(nyc).i'll have to contend with metro north,instead.then i can use the subway to get around..and don't start about the train to the plane.

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