Wednesday, July 6, 2016

BSNYC Morning Edition: I'm Back, So Big Freaking Deal!

Well, I made it through July 4th, though the explosions continued into last night as the morons with leftover fireworks sustained their barrage of idiocy, and they will no doubt continue to do so until their arsenals are depleted and/or they've blown off too many digits to operate a lighter:


Incidentally, I'm just a bottle rocket's flight away from Fort Washington, where General Howe beat the crap out of the Americans, and it's inspiring to hear the battle rage on night after night despite the complete absence of an enemy.

Anyway, besides being the occasion on which which we recreate America's birth pangs by blowing a bunch of shit up, the July 4th weekend is also when the summer begins in earnest.  And because today's apparently going to be incredibly hot, I've resolved to head out for a ride before the sun reaches full power and heats the rivets of my Brooks saddle to scranus-searing temperatures.  So what does this mean to you?  Well, like last Friday, it means I'm going to post now, then fuck off for a bit, and then post again later.

This means there will be two (2) posts today!  How lucky are you?*

*[Answer: very, very lucky.]

Speaking of last Friday, that was the last day I undertook a ride while wearing special clothes and the clippy shoes, because I spent all my saddle time over the holiday weekend on my WorkCycles FR8, shown here with my latest human creation:


I can't speak highly enough about this bicycle, nor can I overstate the fitness benefits I'm reaping from schlepping two (2) human children on it over the lofty peaks of the Northwest Bronx day after day.  The above-pictured human child loves the bike too, so much so that he's constantly bringing me the helmet society makes him wear in the hopes that I'll take him for a ride--and when I don't he gets angry, throws the helmet, and headbutts me in the nuts.

But enough of familial bliss.  Let's move onto more soul-crushing matters, such as the fatal hit-and-run that took place in Brooklyn over the weekend:


You know that if the NYPD isn't bending over backwards to exonerate the driver then it must have been really, really egregious--and it was sickeningly so:

They report, "Investigators believe the driver pulled alongside Von Ohen, slowed down and moved the car partially into the bike lane, where the victim was riding...The driver then hit Von Ohen's rear tire and as the victim fell off his bike, the driver slammed into him again, running over him and dragging him about 20 to 30 feet."

Though not egregious enough for the NYPD to forego its customary victim-blaming:

Police were out on Grand Street after the incident—not stopping and ticketing drivers who were in the bike lane, but rather "catching cyclists running red lights and handing out tickets," according to PIX11.

"When they got to the intersection of Grand and Graham on their way, police officers were there to stop them and hand out pamphlets on cyclist safety," Greg Fertel, who lives in the neighborhood, told us. "I found this to be pretty enraging—I don't think that this was an issue of cyclist safety." You can see the brochure below.


In other words, the NYPD isn't going to do shit to stop drivers from killing you, but in the event one does try to run you down you can always swat vainly at the car with your bicycle safety pamphlet.  (Though bear in mind if you do swat at a car with a piece of paper you're liable to be charged with assault.)

And the situation's equally depressing elsewhere in America, as parade float in Columbus Ohio shows:

I suppose the driver would argue he's merely "putting his own humorous spin on an issue and marching in irreverence:"

The Doo Dah Parade is about Freedom of Speech, through humor.  Put your own humorous spin on an issue and march in irreverence on the Fourth of July in the Short North Arts District.

Remember, ALL politician must wear a funny hat.  No full nudity.  No blatant advertising.  You don’t even have to pre-register.  And, there is no entry fee!  What the what?!  This seems too good to be true!

Come out and see for yourself.  If you’re too politically correct to march, then just come and sit along the parade route to watch and get a good laugh.

And while I certainly acknowledge his right to do so, I'd also argue there's a difference between engaging in freedom of speech through humor and engaging in stupidity by being a fucking idiot.

But hey, this is America, where you can drive an SUV with a cyclist plastered onto the hood along a stretch of highway that's been adopted by the Ku Klux Klan, all while firing an assault weapon out of your sunroof.

And that's what freedom is all about.

Lastly (for now), here's something to think about:
I expect these to be mandatory in Australia by the end of the year.

53 comments:

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Podium!~

Ted K. said...

Note 26. (Paragraph 147) If you think that more effective law enforcement is unequivocally good because it suppresses crime, then remember that crime as defined by the system is not necessarily what YOU would call crime. Today, smoking marijuana is a “crime,” and, in some places in the U.S., so is possession of an unregistered handgun. Tomorrow, possession of ANY firearm, registered or not, may be made a crime, and the same thing may happen with disapproved methods of child-rearing, such as spanking. In some countries, expression of dissident political opinions is a crime, and there is no certainty that this will never happen in the U.S., since no constitution or political system lasts forever.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

PS Scranus!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Suck it Ted K, now to read it!

janinedm said...

I'm so enraged and so sad about that cyclist that was murdered in Brooklyn. I'm equally certain that whoever hit him will make up some sort of "I wasn't driving at the time" excuse. It's the advantage of having the dark drug dealer tint on your Camaro. What a scumbag.

That last pic is giving me serious Toad from Mario Kart vibes.

Lastly, I did that all night Warriors bicycle thing. Made it all the way from Van Cortland Park to Coney Island. Had tons of adventures along the way: Jenga at the Bronx Beer Hall, karaoke on the UES, I got a tattoo (it was 30 points!) in Brooklyn, mashing along in deserted streets. I highly, highly recommend it to anyone in the city if they throw another one.

Fredder said...

Okay, you win. Your child is adorable.

dancesonpedals said...

Basilisk is such a Fred. He's wearing a sunvisor on a road bike helmet.

Thomas said...

voeckler

We're fucked! said...

"Follow the rules." Fuck off. I see cars run every red light, turn without signaling and ignore crosswalks dozens of times every day. Don't forget exceeding the posted speed limit, etc... Other drivers don't get pissed at them. But if I roll a stop sign or jump a red light, they have the right to kill me with their car? I was driving with an old guy who nearly hit somebody on a bike because he didn't check a crosswalk. His response to me, "I just think they should follow the rules of the road." This is what we're up against. I have little hope for humanity.

paulb said...

Plus you lost the whiskers too, right? Fit, fit, fit.

Anonymous said...

All you cars, SMB.

N/A said...

That is awesome that your (human) child loves to ride with you, Wildcat.
Are those Big Apples on your Husky Schlepping Biek?

N/A said...

@Janine:

SUYT(attoo)!

nahmean said...

I'm seething with impotent rage about that hit and run. Or I should say, since people kill each other all the time and I don't get worked up, the cops reaction to it. Handing out safe cycling pamphlets? HERE'S HOW NOT TO GET MURDERED BY SOMEONE IN A CAR. fuck you.

I am so fucking tired of this bullshit false equivalence. "people on bikes don't follow traffic laws, therefore they deserve to get killed." fuck you.

Also, WCRM, I got your book and read it over the weekend and enjoyed it.

Finally, your kid is super cute and I'm greatly envious of your bike. I can only hope that these longtail cargo bikes and dutch bikes continue their increase in popularity so that they start showing up on the used market. I can't afford the $1500-2000 many of these cost at this point.

BamaPhred said...

Yes, the steady stream of violence continues unabated, and uncaring. And this election cycle, seriously. I might be interested if they shot bottle rockets out of each other's butt cheeks, but that's not gonna happen either.

Spokey said...


lucky 16

janinedm said...

I think this will work?

https://www.dropbox.com/s/8ut8l4qcmgdmoiw/Screenshot%202016-07-06%2009.41.21.png?dl=0

N/A said...

Woot, leg pic!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...Where does one channel this rage one gets at the feeling of impotence in front of the police?

...A young woman on a bicycle gets murdered in my neighborhood by a driver... the police promptly blame her... and are out in force ticketing cyclists the following few days... then it's all back to normal.

...how does that song go..."oh, I could just kill a man"? ... no, no, not that one... "FUCK the police"? yes! that's the one.

N/A said...

@ nahmean:

"I am so fucking tired of this bullshit false equivalence. "people on bikes don't follow traffic laws, therefore they deserve to get killed." fuck you."


Man, how true. I honestly cannot think of one day that I don't see a driver breaking some traffic law. How well do you think it would go over if some dickhead cuts me off and I run him off of the road? The drivers that complain about cyclists not following laws seem to be blind to their own inadequacies.

N/A said...

Janine, are you a fan of Pink Floyd or The Commodores?

babble on said...

Babyyyyyyy!! OMG, so adorable. I love babies. :)

Ooooh, nice gams yer friend is sporting, Ms Janine. I owe mine to having hauled my offspring over hill and dale on various assorted smugmobiles, so I hear you, Mr Snobberdoodledoo.

Um, that silly helmet still wouldn't stop a concussion, since most head injuries are caused by torque, not impact, and the heavier your helmet, the more likely it is to increase your chances of concussion.. So I'll say it again and again and again: MIPS is the only system that mimics a second layer of cerebral fluid, and thus actually reduces your chances of injury.

And speaking of injury: a woman in a car once deliberately used said vehicle to run me off the road. Bitch. She did it in front of several witnesses, too, and so thankfully the RCMP charged her with assault with a deadly weapon. Fun times. She was found guilty, but because she is bipolar and hadn't any other convictions, she merely received a conditional sentence, lost her licence for two years, and had to take an anger management course. But at leaset she was charged. The NYPD would have found a way to ticket me instead.

leroy said...

And this morning, NYPD scooter parked in bike lane on Manhattan Bridge to ticket cyclists without bells.

It's for our own good.

It hurts them more than us.

We make them do it.

Of course, my dog will claim he deserves the no bell peace prize.

Before his inevitable offer to bet whomever annoys him that he can pee over their head.

He loses, but says it's money well spent.

janinedm said...

@N/A I am a fan of both, but the bricks were one of 10-15 choices we had. They were all related to the Warriors movie (e.g. a baseball bat, a switchblade, a W in the logo font...)

Back to angry posting. A few weeks ago I had a Chevy Suburban drift into the bike lane and I yelled at him. I don't remember exactly what I said but I'm 100% sure there was cursing. He pulls up beside me and, no lie, says, "Now if I ran you off the road, I'd be the one in the wrong." To which I replied, "If you're going to murder me because of words, you're a fucking psycho." He did try to scare me by driving fully behind me in the bike lane for half a block before just coming to a stop. I realize that the same thing could have happened to me, but to be completely honest I can't think of a thing I'd do differently other than curse less. If you drive your SUV in the bike lane, you're going to get yelled at. If you consider that a license to kill, that's not on me.

babble on said...

N/A - me, too! I see motorists run read lights Every. Single. Fucking. Day. Never mind that MOST drivers speed, and MOST of them don't actuallyt stop at stop signs, either.

Never mind that the Idaho stop law is proven to reduce accidents and injuries, so that we are actually safer treating lights as stop signs and stop signs as yield. Evidence based laws? Nah. Why bother, when you can enforce the corporatocracy's status quo?

babble on said...

Leroy? I love you. That is all.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

I am interested in riding Basilisk Lambic's engorged helmet to the danger zone.

JLRB said...

Be careful with my baaabbby


Somehow Ted K actually made sense today - must be the juxtaposition with the bullshit (bells and brochures0 police response to MURDER.

Anonymous said...

cute kid, your wife must be very attractive.

Anonymous said...

I'm beginning to think that Billy D really does not care for cyclists.

Andy said...

The ticketing of cyclists for running reds, etc in NYC has been super stepped-up this summer. I will say, though, that I walked by that spot at about 10:30pm Saturday night not knowing what had happened and the cops were set up and pulling over cars as they drove by, presumably looking for the murderer.

Anonymous said...

Next year, in honor of freedom of speech in Columbus Ohio, perhaps we need to dress like ISIS and have mock severed heads. We will carry a banner "we will share the world when you follow Allah." Hilarious!

janinedm said...

I don't think DiBlasio doesn't care about cyclists, though I don't think we're a priority for him either. It's just that the police departments who are supposed to enforce these rules are overwhelmingly drivers.

dnk said...

Given the statements thus far by police, the NYPD had better classify the incident as a homicide.

Dick Breaks said...

I wish somebody would intentionally hit fake Ted K. with their car, or a lead pipe, or a baseball bat, or a broken chair leg, or an axe handle, etc. Anything to stop his stupid fake Ted K. posts. Why is it never the people who deserve it who get killed? Like "Yeah. He was a real asshole. Everybody around here is pretty much glad that he died a violent and painful death. Good riddance."

CommieCanuck said...

he gets angry, throws the helmet, and headbutts me in the nuts.

This has nothing to do with cycling, no one wants to end up the middle child.

Anonymous said...

Dick, You're not supposed to say bad things about the departed, even if their a Nazi War Criminal. Well, maybe then.

Anonymous said...

Andy, Nice of the cops to do that, but criminals have watched enough TV cop shows to know not to return to the scene of the crime.

bad boy of the north said...

janinedm,congrats on your warrior bikey ride.i thought i heard that they are thinking of making a series based on the movie.i could be wrong.
terrible news on this newest of hit and runs.wtf is going on?just about everyday is another hit and run.no friggin'responsibility anymore.damn shame.rip,again!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Happy birthday, George W. Bush!

leroy said...

Dear Ms. Janinedm -

Nice tattoo!

Much nicer than the one my dog gave me ofthe tragedy/comedy masks where Thalia is depicted as young Elvis and Melpomene is old Elvis.

At least that's his explanation.

Personally, I suspect he slipped.

N/A said...

It's gettin' to be like bumper cars out there. All the ding-dongs behind the wheel just bouncing around with not a care in the world, because criminality (and responsibility) are never suspected (or expected) anymore.


Causing damage with malicious intent is not right on either side of the equation, but I do know one guy that had a brief period of mental instability on his bike that did something that makes feel guilty for liking: This fellow rode his bike to work just about every day. After one too many buzzings by a-holes, he started carrying one of those emergency window-breaking hammers. Some person would come by, skim past him, then he would stay on their tail until he caught up and pop one of their windows. I don't believe he ever got caught/ busted for doing it. He finally realized that a)it was making him just as big of a dick for doing that and b)it was making no difference. Every day was just a different car filled with the same type of impatient pud-puller.

Anonymous said...

what do you want from Ohio

N/A said...

"what do you want from Ohio"


I live just north of Cincinnati, and unfortunately I cannot argue. If "Florida Man" ever goes away, he will be replaced by "Ohio Man".

Anonymous said...

Excellent post. We do not need more BSNYC today. Dayenu.

Alsatian said...

That post sucked. I want another post.

Anonymous said...

Riding my low-profile recumbent, which has a flag on a short pole for increased visibility. (The apotheosis of nerdy, I know. Whatever.) Some guy in a pickup pulls up alongside me, and says: “You need a longer flag pole, dude.” He wasn’t smiling, either. I looked up and him and replied: “Well, you saw me alright.” (I WAS smiling.) He snarled: “Get a longer flagpole, motherfucker, or I’ll run over you myself.”

Anonymous said...

flagpole is code for - uh nevermind

bieks said...

Violence = Good
Nudity = Bad

Yup, sounds like 'mericuh.

Arizona redneck said...

Haven't most of these posts been about misplaced anger?

Arizona redneck said...

You'll always be disappointed if you expect rationality from cops. Anyone who pursues a career in law enforcement has a few screws loose

Johan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
henning flat said...

This cops are fucking asholes article pre-Dallas?
Hope people get some ideas.