Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Happy Belated Birthday to Me (Or At Least My Blog), and Now I'm Hitting the Road!

Firstly, as usual, I completely forgot yesterday was this blog's birthday.  It's now this many:


Nine years is a veritable eternity in blog years, and in that time the blogging medium has transformed from something nobody took seriously because it was still relatively new to something nobody takes seriously because it's the domain of aging curmudgeons who think Snapchat is a dance number from "West Side Story."  Also, I've managed to squeeze out no fewer than four (4) books (an even more ossified medium) during that time, not including my unauthorized biography of the boy band 'N Sync, which I wrote under the pen name of Anna Louise Golden:


Critics panned it due to the 20,000 word detour on the subject of bicycle helmets, but it remains the book of which I am most proud.

Anyway, my latest book is of course this one:


Which is number three (3) on InStyle's list of 15 Father's Day gift ideas for under $100:


Right between the Mark and Graham travel cribbage and backgammon set:


And the silk cufflinks from Barneys:

It's always good to know where you stand in the fop hierarchy.

In any case, by way of ramming my latest book down your throats I'll soon be embarking upon a short tour, stopping first in Portland, OR this Thursday:


Then Seattle, WA on Friday:


And finally Walnut Creek, CA on Saturday:


(Glad to see the bullmoose bars got top billing.)

Humorous PowerPoints will be presented, a limited quantity of Walz caps will be given away, and the passive voice will be used liberally throughout the proceedings.

Of course the downside of my giving so generously of myself is that I must take temporary leave of this blog, which means this is (probably) my last post until Tuesday, June 21st, at which point I will resume regular updates.

Hey, if you don't like it feel free to come over to my home and do all the other crap I need to do for me.

And if you need someone to be mad at, I suggest directing directing your anger to this guy instead:


If you could improve one thing about the world of cycling, what would it be?

I'd like drivers to understand that cyclists are motorists also. And I'd like cyclists to use more common sense when planning their rides. For instance, you'll never see me commuting on a major road in peak hour. We get our miles done before 7am and stay off major roads as much as possible. It's not only dangerous, but I think it's inconsiderate to hold up traffic. Ideologically I agree with commuting to work on your bike, but in cities that aren't equipped for it, like Sydney, it creates unnecessary inconvenience, tension and physical threats for cyclists.

Wow, what a putz.  In addition to representing the apogee of Fredness, I suppose he's also the platonic ideal of the Australian cyclist in that he's a self-important lifestyle "athlete" who would never consider using a bicycle for any remotely practical purpose nor acknowledge anyone who does.  He's also the only person on the planet with a spouse and child:

Do you stop at a stop sign if there is no one around?

Yep. I'm very safety focused and don't for one second forget that I have a wife, a three-year-old girl and a geriatric staffy who need me to come home safe and sound.

The rest of us inconsiderate commuters are of course completely expendable.

And it's worth noting that even someone whose greatest wish is for drivers to "understand that cyclists are motorists also" (which would come as news to this guy) can be impossibly smug in his own way:

Who would you most like to go on a long ride with? 

I like my own company (possibly too much), so long solo rides are a real pleasure and an opportunity to reconnect with myself after a busy week. But if I really had to choose someone, I'd choose Lance Armstrong to see first-hand what it's like to talk to someone so delusional and morally impaired.

The terminal Freds are always the most bitter about how Lancey-Pants betrayed them.

By the way, having gone on plenty of long rides with the guy myself, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a lot of fun.

I mean he's no Prince of Bahrain, but still.

And with that I'm off.  I hope to see at least some of you at one of the aforementioned events, and everyone else can rest assured I'll be back on Tuesday the 21st.  (Or if you need me before that you can find me on Twitter.)

I love you THIS MUCH [indicates vast chasm with armspan],


--Wildcat Rock Macine



177 comments:

dcdouglas said...

Podium?

N/A said...

Happy birthday, BSNYC.Blog.

Thanks for writing, Wildcat. it fills me with much mirth, and many points to ponder.

N/A said...

I hear that Devon is going to jump out of a cake later.

wishiwasmerckx said...

podium!

Synonymous said...

wishiwaspodium

Theodore said...

"self-important lifestyle "athlete" who would never consider using a bicycle for any remotely practical purpose nor acknowledge anyone who does"

Everyone talks about how great Denver is for cyclists, but having just moved here after spending four years in Portland, I think this perfectly sums it up. You'll find literally hundreds of Lycra-clad pathletes, but good luck finding a place to lock your bike up. It's like you're a weirdo if you aren't wearing Lycra here.

N/A said...

I remember, many moons ago... back in 'round-about 2009-2010, one of my gnar bros told me to check out "this fucking* hilarious bike blog from some guy in New York. He's kind of a jerk. You'd probably like it." And I've been reading this heap of ads and other assorted shills ever since!




*- this was back before people said "F-ing" They said real words back then. To wit: "Fucking".

dnk said...

Happy birthday Snob blog. May your Western book tour exult to the music of N Sync.

Theodore said...

Oh, and also, thanks for the many years of laughs and making me mad and helping new find my way from fixie-riding punk to a family-biking dad. I've read every day since I found you on your sixth day. Love you!

CommieCanuck said...

Top effing ten.
Say hi to this guy in the Pearl District

Grump said...

Maybe some day, you'll do a book signing in the sleepy NW suburbs of Chicago. Like most humans, I'm too lazy to drive into the city, or even the North suburbs. Hey, I wouldn't even drive into Elgin for a book signing by Jesus. (I read the book, and I guessed the ending after the first few pages. I could have gotten in a few hundred miles if I skipped all those begots)

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Wildcat.. !

CommieCanuck said...

9 years already, seems like just yesterday you were writing about lasso-ing people in Walmart parking lots.
This phase in your writing career is the early JK Rowlings Phase, with piles of rejections and a meagre subsistence based on the interwebnet (fad), until you poop out a charming tale about a young lad and his special wand, and his coming of age. Then, the inevitable "Premium Rush II" screenplay offer, moving to LA, and a new oxycontin addiction.
We can say we knew him when he wrote about fixed gear bikes, was as anonymous as the Central Park Sasquatch, and he wrote a lot, some say too much, about knuckle tats, before they were the norm and now "FUCK YEWS" is a common sight on moms at the daycare.

You should give out mementos, like 9-year ironic sobriety pins for your loyal readers.

Anonymous said...

1010101010101010

JLRB said...

Is "geriatric staffy" Aussie for limp pen*s? A friend tells me there are pills for that...

JLRB said...

BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK should be sung to the tune of "Sponge Bob Square Pants"

Anonymous said...

From 'N Sync to 'B Snyc, Happy birthday WCRM!

JLRB said...

And Happy 9th Blog-Anniversary!

Not Old, Classic!

Dave said...

fop hierarchy
twee chapeau
scranus tattoo
eared beard
across the universe
happy trails
tickets money passport
brain in gear

ubercurmudgeon said...

Many happy returns, Snob. And, now that you've been blogging for nine years, nobody can touch you for anything you wrote in your first year under the UCI's eight-year statute of limitations.

P. Bateman said...

Know what the difference between Jelly and Jam is?

you can't jelly a BSNYC book down her throat.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...happy 9 bday.

...personally, I can't wait until the 69 bday!

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

9 frikkin yeeeaz baybay ! Keep on keepin on !!

vsk

Anonymous said...

Treacher by name, treacherous f***er by nature.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Happy 9th WCRM! Enjoy your bidness trip - 7 days is like infinity in blog years. Here is a little rundown of June 13th in history -

2007 - Bike Snob NYC blog begins publishing, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen turn 21.

1986 - Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen born.

1971 - The NY Times begins publishing "The Pentagon Papers."


1967 - Thurgood Marshall nominated as first African-American Supreme Court justice


1933 - The first sodium vapor lamps are installed in Schenectady, NY.


1774 - Rhode Island becomes first colony to prohibit importation of slaves.


0313 - Edict of Milan is signed by Constantine.

Anonymous said...

mmmmmmm....sperm bank

Paul Bowen said...

Happy 9th. Still the consistently funniest AND funniestly consistent blog I know of and the best-informed bike blog that regularly uses the words scranus and recumbabe. More power to your elbow, Sir.

Here's New York's own Joe Bataan to get the party started with a vaguely appropriate title.

BamaPhred said...

19 children and nine years. That's some serious replication. Congratulations.

N/A said...

I hope Wildcat doesn't get dysentery on his way out to Oregon. That's a tricky trail.

Bryan said...

Have fun...and get your publicists to schedule you some events in the south east!

Blog Drafter said...

Wow, that's like 150 or so in dog years. I forget how it was that I discovered this blog but I've enjoyed it ever since. Indeed, whenever the subject of Diminutive Frenchman Units comes up (which admittedly is not very often) I heartily lol. Have an enjoyable trip.

dancesonpedals said...

Can you arrange direct deposit at the sperm bank?

N/A said...

Protip: Do NOT touch the ATM at the sperm bank.

McFly said...

Doesn't Phizer make a little blue pill for geriatric staffy syndrome?

NHcycler said...

Happy 9th, WCRM!

I don't remember why or how I got started reading this now vintage collection of ones and zeros, but I'm glad I found it. Thanks!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

HDEB said...

Hooray for 9 years of BSNYC: )

Type O said...

Finest undetectable electric motors for bikes, contact me at vladtheimpaler . com

Yesterday: "strip club". He could have been at a "strip steak club", finest dry aged beef, creamed spinach, etc, etc.

steve martin voice said...

Her name was Mary, but I called her Sylvia because she gave me such a woody.

Comments Dept. said...

CC at 10:51 "...about a young lad and his special wand, and his coming of age..." Am I reading to much between the lines when I read that?

"FUCK YEWS" is a common sight on moms at the daycare." Saw a young woman, not at a daycare, who had all 10 fingers lettered "HEADFORYOU". If humans had an eleventh finger, I'm sure there would have been a question mark.

Eric the Infrequent said...

Theodore is correct. Denver is great for cyclists if your idea of cycling is riding the MUPS and yelling, "on yer left!" constantly. Otherwise we have one protected bike lane. Wow.

bad boy of dc said...

Happy anniversary to you and your creation,the snog.(sn(ob))-(bl(og)).here's to another 9 years!

C W Steinmetz said...

"1933 - The first sodium vapor lamps are installed in Schenectady, NY."

Still there and still working. If it ain't broke, don't fix it (no one pays attention to the Meth Heads inhaling the vapors).

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Why do they have Braille on the drive-up ATM at the sperm bank anyway?

leroy said...

Nine years?

Wow, the days are endless, but the years fly by.

Thanks for the insight, humor, and humanity.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, Snobby - I never podium because I make it a point of honor to read the stories and look at the pictures.

Here's to the next 9!

New England slow bro

Catching Up on Yesterday's Reading said...

"You're riding with Alberto Contador and you don't even bother taking both headphones out?"

No problemo, they bonded, became ride for a day buddies and stopped at the local Clenbuterol Burger franchise location and had a burger and a beer.

wishiwasmerckx said...

If this is the blog's birthday, I will share with you one of my all-time favorite BSNYC quotes, from March 17, 2008:

"Unfortunately, prohibitively expensive bicycles don't just come up to you and place themselves between your legs like friendly dogs or people with low self-esteem."

Anonymous said...

9 years. Impressive. Thanks for providing a daily brief respite from the work day doldrums.

Lights, Camera, Action said...

CC 1051 "Premium Rush II" screenplay"

It's about a young woman in Vancouver with great legs who likes to show off every square inch of them on Wreck Beach. One day she meets the male mermaid of her dreams there and brings him home. But with no saltwater to breath he dies. The police charge her with sexual asphyxiation (think "sit on my face"). One of investigating cops, of course, says "there's something fishy here" and his partner replies "I'd rather have a donut"), lots of sordid courtroom testimony ensues.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ah, the edict of Milan. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. Big signing ceremony in the town square. Lots of bunting and flags. Trumpeters and drummers. Constantine wore white; Licinius wore red.

Memories light the corners of my mind...

Paul Bowen said...

wishiwasmerckx @ 1:31 One of my faves, from 31 March 2010: "When you pay $6,000 for bicycle wheels, you get the same thing you get when you pay $600, or even when you pay $150, which is a couple of round things that roll and atop which you will still suck at bike racing if you already sucked at bike racing."

dancesonpedals said...

Times were so bad they lived on a Diet of Worms.

Frickus Rungus said...

WCRM,

What's up with the size of your latest book? It is abnormally tall... It's like a comfort style road bike with an extra tall head tube or too many spacers under the stem. Was that size paper on sale?

Sincerely,
Frickus

N/A said...

His publisher told him it was a good size!

1904 Cadardi said...

Wow, nine years? Don't you think it's about time for a vacation? Go, enjoy and hurry back. What the hell else will give me this many lunch time entertainments.

If Mr. Sydney has a geriatric stiffy he might need to lower his saddle and adjust the tilt and fore/aft position.

Anonymous said...

I've live in wash park and worked downtown for over two years. I wear a suit and ride everywhere, I have never had an issue finding a place to lock my bike and see regular clothes commuters everywhere. Freds will be Fred's but come on, it's pretty great here. Denver may not be Portland but it beats most other cities for cycling by a long shot.

Frickus Rungus said...

I went on the river themed retailer's website and got dimensions for each of snobby's books:

Systematically & Mercilessly Realigning the World of Cycling
Hardcover
5.2 x 0.8 x 7.2 inches

The Enlightened Cyclist: Commuter Angst, Dangerous Drivers, and Other Obstacles on the Path to Two-Wheeled Trancendence
Hardcover
5.5 x 1 x 7.5 inches

Bike Snob Abroad: Strange Customs, Incredible Fiets, and the Quest for Cycling Paradise
Hardcover
5.2 x 1 x 7.5 inches

The Ultimate Bicycle Owner's Manual: The Universal Guide to Bikes, Riding, and Everything for Beginner and Seasoned Cyclists
Flexibound
5.5 x 0.8 x 9.5 inches

Is Flexibound kind of like zerts? Does it make the book more literarily compliant? Does the extra height combined with a flexible binding improve the read quality?

Frickus Rungus said...

This explanation sounds a lot like a bicycling magazine review.
"It reads like it's on rails..."

Flexibound
A flexible-cover (or “flexi-cover”, as we call it) sewn book is one “niche” binding style, and offers advantages of both perfect binding and case binding. As the name implies, a flexi-cover sewn book is the combination of a Smyth-sewn book block wrapped in a flexible, turned-edge cover. The result is a book with more durability and flexibility than a perfect-bound book, but without the added cost and production time of a hardcover cased-in book. Flexi-cover books also have a higher perceived value than a perfect-bound book, a desirable quality for many retail applications.

A flexi-cover sewn book is produced like a case-bound book: The cover is attached to the Smyth-sewn book block using four-page endleaves. The cover itself is often comprised of a printed sheet turned over a thick cover stock, then film laminated for extra rub resistance. Cookbooks, catalogs and directories are popular flexi-cover applications.

Christo said...

Don't know if I'm just getting more curmudgeonly or not but Australian Freds (we call them Hubbards here) seem to have developed a heightened level of Narcissism and self-importance. This guy isn't the apogee, he's the median.

I put it down to inflated real estate prices, these middle-aged men think that because they paid $300K fifteen years ago for a house that is now worth over $1 million that it was their wisdom, not luck that got them there.

Now they can afford Rapha and MAAP kit, surely that means they're on the bleeding edge?

ronald mcdonald said...

You can't spell LGBT without a BLT.

bieks said...

Sounds about right. That travel crib/backgammon set looks pretty sweet, but I'd much rather have your book over a set of silk cuff links. Come to think of it, there are a lot of things I'd much rather have than silk cuff links.

Old timer said...

Huh? What?

I’ll be at the Walnut Creek book signing on Saturday! I’m thinking of wearing a “Huh? What” name tag on my shirt. Boy howdy, we’ll be slowly rolling through a LOT of stop signs to get there!

bieks said...

Hey, that's a real list! How did the beer and beef jerky pairing not make #1?

Freddy Murcks said...

I'd bet Karl Treacher likes his own company (definitely too much). 8======>~~~~

Anonymous said...

Happy 9th B'day, BSNYC.

Anonymous said...

Nonplussed

babble on said...

Buon compleanno, Signore Snobberdiddums. You're an institution, and an inspiration, and a fucking genius, to boot, so keep on keeping on. Wish I could head south to see you this weekend, but my younger son is having a graduation ceremony which he may or may not attend, depending on how he recovers from yesterday's surgery.

And speaking of recovery... our club hasn't had to ban disc brakes, since nobody was itching to use them in either the Spring Series, or the World Tuesday Night Championships, even though the chairman of the board threw it out there, askeing whether we ought to make allowances for the jr races, as both the UCI, and the insurers advised.

BUT. Two weeks ago Friday, my kitchen was covered in pools of blood after someone dear to me slipped clipping into his pedals, and sliced clear through his ankle to the bone, breaking the tibia. Dirty fracture, that, and I had NO IDEA a chainring could be so deadly. Holy Uckfay, Batman. Can't believe I didn't do it first. :-/

And you can't ban those buggers, can you?

bieks said...

Damn it Babs, if I didn't know better I start to think you're making this shit up. Wait a minute, I actually don't have any way of knowing better. Are you making this shit up? Or are you some kind of rolling Bermuda Triangle?

Anonymous said...

I meant to say "nineplussed" uber grateful for the daily dosages of enlightenmentisms

Dooth said...

Karl "We get our miles done before 7am" Treacher is a bike snob in the worst possible way...the anti-Wildcat. Boooo!!!

Doc Sarvis said...

Colorado Springs on the other hand can blow a stinky old floating dead grey whale

bad boy of dc said...

ms.babble,hope all I is well with your youngin'.

bike bum said...

9 years eh. geez it gets late early

Fred Hubbard said...

Don't you be dishing on Australia. Its taken a whole lot of laws and persecution to get to the stage where the only people who ride bicycles are middle aged men dressed up in Tour de France clobber proudly wearing their dork hats on their plastic bikes and getting in their "sport" early in the morning so they don't annoy people doing the serious business of driving cars.

Speaking of annoying, why do these middle aged men dress up in Tour de France clobber and waddle around on clickey shoes showing off their wobbly bits at the local cafe on a Sunday morning and put me off my coffee and cake? Talk about lack of respect, you don't see car drivers doing that.

Helen said...

Happy Anniversary Bike snob! This is the only blog which literally makes me LOL.
Babble, I hope your son survives his surgery OK and that you get to be the proud mum of the boy at graduation, crutches, moon boot and all.

NHcycler said...

Fred Hubbard @3:29AM:

Annoying is being forced to see the wobbly 4 inch layer of fat on the asses, upper arms, "muffin tops", etc. on the "car drivers" at the coffee shop on Sunday morning, as they stand in line in front of me to order the pastry and/or 800 calorie mocha whatever...to "put me off of my coffee and cake!"

You do see bicycle riders ordering the same stuff, but they're in shape.

Anonymous said...

Hey Treacher, you spineless little mollusc. What's the matter with you? You got some slimebag big oil or motoring interest buying some of your brand buffoonery? http://brandinstitute.com.au/staff/karl-treacher/ https://www.marketingmag.com.au/author/karl-treacher/.

Why don't you do some reading on sustainable urban design and practical future transport next time you decide to go on the public record instead of just vomiting bile for your next paycheck and embarrassing yourself?

bad boy of dc(temp) said...

posing a query.......is it cool or not cool or even advisable to put chamois butt'r on the dry skin on your face?what are the consequences of such action?

JLRB said...

Babs - sorry to read about your son ... I hope the surgery goes well and he is able to make graduation

For those of you who were posting about Denver - just learned that a neighbors 20-something year old grandson was killed by a hit n run car driver while cycling in Denver recently - RIP and I hope a swarm of killer bees find the hit n run driver

bad boy of dc(temp) said...

inquiring mindless' want to know....lol.robot say....pick a bus.

bad boy of dc(temp) said...

jlrb@851a...wow.condolences.very sorry to hear that.

Anonymous said...

Is Flexibound kind of like zerts? Does it make the book more literarily compliant?

Yes of course: verbally stiff, literally compliant

bad boy of dc(temp) said...

jlrb,is he the twenty-seven year old?

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Zero Vision begins at home, Bike Lanes, they're not just for police parking

The bike riders had real stones to hold their ground looking at this guy holding his gun gangsta style.

bad boy of dc(temp) said...

great article by Jason Gay in the wall street journal.."five bicycles in kalamazoo".

Anonymous said...

Enough with the self-aggrandizing book promotion! Your blog is great - insightful (even inciteful), entertaining and funny. I just recently read Snob and Snob Aboard, which appear to have been written by a completely different writer (or writer in a completely different state of mind). Three hours of my life that I could have spent riding. The blog is great for a laugh. The books aren't worthy of shelf space. Stick to what you do best.

N/A said...

Hey Anonymous (if that's even your real name), tell us about the books you've written. Or anything you've done. Nobody goes to your place of work and criticise how you suck dicks, do they?

N/A said...

Sorry, Anonymous. I made assumptions. Maybe somebody does go to your place of work to criticise how you suck dicks.

NHcycler said...

Eeeeeverybody's a critic!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 10:22am,

You should have used that three hours to figure out how to blow yourself.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JLRB said...

Bad Boy of DC (temp) - yep - RIP Drew Dietrich

JLRB said...

Bad Boy of DC - Have you been getting any good rides in while in DC?

DB said...

Thanks for 9 years, Wildcat.
And thanks for bringing this group of fine people together.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Closing in on ciento !

vsk

grog said...

It's a great day for a birthday. Happy Anniversary.
NINE YEAR
BIKE BLOG
SNOB BRKN
MORE BABE

babble on said...

Beiks... I could post photos of the chainring damage, but it's uuuuuuuugly. Even now, almost two weeks later, the stitches are still straining at holding together a weeping, gaping wound.

But the boy is healing well, so there's that. And he's happy to be off school, eating unlimited quantities of ice cream, even if he can't chew, smile, or talk.

Um, and

Yes. A fucking Bermuda Triangle of pain, chaos, and disaster.

Very Slim Pickins said...

Babs, Sorry to hear about the severe accident. Hope he heals fast. Ice Cream, whenever I encounter a sports related injury I treat the accompanying psychological injury with liberal does of Ben & Jerry's and good craft ales.

dancesonpedals said...

huh?

dancesonpedals said...

century!!!

dancesonpedals said...

My daughter was T-boned at an intersection this morning while driving my wife to the train station. Both are fine, just broken glasses for the driver and bruises where the seatbelt dug in. Hurray for side airbags. That Subaru is a little tank.

Frickus Rungus said...

Cent-

Frickus Rungus said...

awww hell... no century for me. :^(

N/A said...

Should we do something for Snob as a birthday present for the blog? Post like crazy again and get pageviews skyhigh? I will post my usual assortment of stupid ponderings and bad jokes. Maybe I'll antagonise the anony mooses! Start a raging comment-section brawl.

"Happy Blog Birthday, Wildcat! We got you a hot mess!"

bad boy of dc temp said...

Dances..glad all is pretty well.where did it happen?

bad boy of dc temp said...

jlrb...again.sorry about the bad news.i brought with me down here..two from the stable.my cannondale and an old marin.....leaving the marin behind at auntie's home for the time being......no rides yet.my dad's back in the hospital for surgery .he's okay.i plan a c and o ride to g'town.maybe WH if i'm adventurous .

wishiwasmerckx said...

For sale: Silk knot cufflinks. Various colors. Seldom used. No reasonable offer refused.

dancesonpedals said...

bad boy dc...like most accidents, within 2 miles of home. right where the fondant crossed rt 9 in front of sleepy hollow country club. no ben & jerry's, she's sitting with the cat. (more like opening & closing the door for him)

babble...more ben & jerry's for your son

my captcha was milkshakes

bieks said...

Anon 10:22 - you better get your blogular fill then, before Snob pulls the plug on his 10th anniversary and becomes a reclusive novelist, babbling incoherently about spondee, trochee, and other such podiatric terms.

bad boy of dc temp said...

dances...know the spot really well.you can always replace the car the bank owns but you can.....ya know.route 9,and i mean the whole thing,sux.ah,the days of living in crotonville and briarcliff.now i'm a bit,ahem,north.rt 9 is is a fiver from me.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Same scranus, different day.

BamaPhred said...

Hello me fucko's. Sending lots and lots of warm moist gulf humidity your way so you can marinate in your chamois.

bad boy of dc temp said...

So nice i said is twice.....

CommieCanuck said...


It's about a young woman in Vancouver with great legs who likes to show off every square inch of them on Wreck Beach. One day she meets the male mermaid of her dreams there and brings him home. But with no saltwater to breath he dies. The police charge her with sexual asphyxiation (think "sit on my face"). One of investigating cops, of course, says "there's something fishy here" and his partner replies "I'd rather have a donut"), lots of sordid courtroom testimony ensues.


I'll watch on Netflix if it's in 4K.

BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK should be sung to the tune of "Sponge Bob Square Pants"

OOOOOOOhhhh...
Who lives a walkup in New York citeeeeee
BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK
Ironically Orange and bare-headed is he!
BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK
If cycling mayhem is something you read...
BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK
Then get on a Budnitz and ride like a Fred!

BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK
BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK
BIKE SNOB BOOK TALK

BIKE SNOB ....BOOK TAAAAAALK

Anonymous said...

N/A 10:27 AM

Yes, Anonymous is my real name. And I'm sure you could provide expert instruction on how to suck dicks to anyone who asked.

Toulouse Lautrec said...

My name reminds people of a subway accident in Paris.

Zat joke eeze zo pop-u-lair with zee ladiez

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Happy Bday, Snobby!

Thank you for
Salmon and Fred and Scranus and Recumbabe and Ted K and even CJ and especially Babs, but Fuck You for Karl Treacher!

bad boy of dc temp said...

Bama,marinating as we speak.
Commie,thanks....for the earworm song.hashtag..whatearwormyouplaying.

bad boy of dc temp said...

What the?

Carlos OC said...

Happy birthday and thank your for writing.

bad boy of dc temp said...

hey,sir snob,you've made the snooze again.checkout the williamette weekly.you go show 'em,batman.

bad boy of dc temp said...

oopsie!i meant....williamette week.

Karl Treacher said...

I micturated in my shoes before I rode this AM, and I liked it.

Performance Enhancing Money said...

More Doping News

After a Russian athlete tipped of the anti doping agency, Russia was then tipped off, by the doping agency, no less, then Russia gave the organization a donation of over a million dollars. Sounds like how the Clinton's and their foundation operates (anyone want to buy a Uranium mine?).

"Even With Confession of Cheating, World’s Doping Watchdog Did Nothing"

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/16/sports/olympics/world-anti-doping-agency-russia-cheating.html

leroy said...

Dear Mr. CommieCanuck @3:34 PM --

My dog asked me to tell you "You don't have to work blue. You got talent, kid. Real talent."

I don't know what he means by that.

Or why he insists I use a New York accent.

babble on said...

Er... a gal in Vancouver whose legs came about as a result of her well documented happy place in a beikcycle saddle would never, could never -ever- fall in love with a merman. Because, well, even a girl with such an overbearing inner blonde understands beiks require legs. Sorry, not sorry... though the 4K version of all those sparkly mer-scales might have been breathtaking, in the best possible way. :)

And the also-in-Vancouver mother of a newly teenaged son recovering from extractive odontoma surgery, and present caregiver to a full grown man recovering from a shocking and massive chainring tragedy has come to understand that the healing properties of ice cream are also quite effective for those whose days are spent attending to said bedridden menfolk. Dop? By extension, regular, healthy doses of Ben and Jerry's might also qualify as a miracle cure for what ails a man whose imaginings may presently be wandering toward dark and nasty scenarios of "what might have been" had the Subaru not been such a blessed safety-tank.

Besides: race weight, schmace weight. Who needs it?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Babble, what flavor of Ben and Jerry's do you salve on their wounds as a "miracle cure?"

I am betting on Shweddy Balls.

babble on said...

Anonysnarky @ 4:52...? You say it like sucking dicks is a bad thing, but it Just Isn't So. In fact, I dare you to show me a man who claims he doesn't like it, and if you do, I'll show you either a) a liar or b) a man too ashamed of it to take his dick out for a little lovin'. That is all.

babble on said...

wiwm.... oooh, now THERE's an idea!! I hadn't even thought of a topical application. Just imagine the possibilities!! :)

BamaPhred said...

You know what I hate? Summertime. Heat, humidity, rains every afternoon at quitting time, then the sauna fires up with the rain evaporating off the pavement. Not to mention all the teenagers learning how to drive, in their brand new parent purchased safety tanks. Oh well, another class of kids to educate on just who the old fart is riding up and down "their" roads, and just how uncool it is to buzz, throw litter at, and hurl invectives.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Snobby,
As I said yesterday, thanks for Babs!

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karl Treacher said...

I got my miles in before morning commuters, and even had time to sit in the middle of the highway for some much needed me time and self gratification

dancesonpedals said...

Friday Bikelane Haiku

I call out 'salmon'
But he can't hear any words
Dipshit with Earbuds

dancesonpedals said...

A young sylph passes

lifts her hips off the saddle

Jesus Christ Almighty

Anonymous said...

One mans cufflinks are another mans butt plug

dancesonpedals said...

That could be prevented by rolling up your sleeves.

leroy said...

dop @9:50 AM for the early win of today's internet.

Drop mic and report to doping control.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Leroy, if this were Russia, the doping would be controlled by the doping control, apparently. But money talks around the whole wide world, so the IOC will let the "clean" (i.e. never tested positive) Russians compete in the Summer Olympics, same as it is for every other country and their sports federation, as it should be.

Doping & Doping said...

Lt. O The IOC has banned Russia's Track & Field Team from Rio Games.

Become a Vegetarian said...

Meatloaf collapses in Canada.

N/A said...

I've had a loaf of bread collapse, but never a meatloaf.

JLRB said...

According to this Bikecycling calendar it is Floff Off Friday

JLRB said...

Bad Boy of Temp DC - I hope you dad is doing OK. I have been using my C&O route lately to get to work - great trail to feel like you are immediately out of the city.

Frickus Rungus said...

Here's some entertainment to enjoy while our fearless leader is off fiddling with his bras: linky

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Doping & Doping - today the IAAF upheld the ban on the Russian athletes, but next Tuesday the IOC will hear an appeal and may decide to allow clean individual Russian athletes to compete instead of having all the Russians banned. Just clarifying what I was trying to say, which is the IOC is all about the money and that will influence what they decide next week!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

JLRB-

What makes this Friday different from all other Fridays?

bad boy of dc temp said...

jlrb,thanks for asking.dad's out of the hospital and repairing at my aunt's manse.
I took to the c&o this morning....at chain bridge...down to Georgetown.saw the tourists waiting for dc cupcakes....suckers!over to the excorcist steps at the car barn...back over key and then to the custis to glebe and back to the ranch.lot's of mud on the towpath.....oh....and saw a blue heron.ready for the trip back north.saw lot's of beiks,not to mention beikcyclists.most drivers were courteous....saw a runner....called out on yer left....he thanked me because I was the only one to give him a heads up....up to that point.

bad boy of dc temp said...

oopsie!meant lots.

McFly said...

Canada has a lot of nude beaches. Babble On please report to the bikini top lost-n-found.

babble on said...

Out of the hospital is ALWAYS a good thing.

POC - xo xo :)

Every day is a good day to take the floff off and foff. Where's McFly, anyway? That's his kindov calendar.

Mr Rungus? OMG. The whole point of a bicycle is that you get to go a long way for a teeeny bit of work. And round these parts, you've gotta work hard to avoid mountains. No fucking way I'm riding a bike that makes me climb a mountain every time I hop on. Remember: cyclist=lazy.

That;s why dope is such a good fit for this sport.

Um, and speaking of dem dere Russians.... word is the football hooligans wreaking havoc in Europe right now are actually training in Russia before travelling to the games, and they are putting serious effort into planning their attacks and furthermore, they have the open, public support of a fair few politicians. They're out there with the express intent of causing as much pain to as many people as possible. That's why they're wearing mouthguards when they're arrested.... Qu'est ce que le actual fuck?!?!

babble on said...

Holy shit, ask and ye shall receive.

K. I'm up for a beach day. :)

babble on said...

Er, 'cept it's supposed to rain today...

BamaPhred said...

Saw my first electric fat bike today, a kid pulled up at the grocery store on one, naturally.

Probably my first e bike of any kind.

And a little Jew on Craigslist, who knew?

Hint, read the ad, you'll see.

bad boy of the north said...

happy daddy's day to all daddy's and mommys who have to be daddys,too!

bad boy of the north said...

....all the daddys.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

BamaPhred - Trying to guess what autocorrect/spell check decided "Jew" was the correct word for. Or is that an Alabama term of art? But of course it responds to peddling. Wonder if it can be pedaled too.

bad boy of the north said...

hi,ms.babble.how is everyone feeling on your end? i'm guessing all ice cream is gone,by now.

Subversice Glance said...

Drop bars promote more hang down boobage!

BamaPhred said...

Yes, Herr Leutnant. I'm sure he meant little jewel. Autocorrect can lead to some unfortunate communications.

babble on said...

Seems like everyone is on the mend, thanks. It was all gone, till I ran out to get some more. Can't be out of ice cream when there's healing happening! And hey! Turns out beer is good for what ails you, too. Who knew!?

bad boy of the north said...

...or what ales you.

dop said...

WRM returns on the Solstice...something pagan, heathenish is afoot...maybe he'll leave the muddy Ritte in Seattle, a sacrifice to the rain gods, then say it was , 'lost' by the airline

dnk said...

Yeah, Cleveland!

Drew Carey said...

Cleveland Rocks

JLRB said...

Bad Boy of Temp DC - The Blue Heron hang out all year in the canal - good fishing. I love to watch them in flight, especially if they are flying along in my direction/speed..

Sounds like you have a good grasp of the local trails here (and yes, people still line up for $5 cupcakes?!?) Glad you were able to break away for a ride - good relief from the aging parent stress.. Sounds like your Aunt is in the same general area as me - Arlington/Falls Church

bad boy of the north said...

jlrb,i'm back in the northern burbs of nyc.dad is still chillin' and little sister is keeping an eye on him.yep,looks like you're neighbors.stopped at clare and don's,visited bikenetic or was it the other way around?
I was surprised to see a young person's training ride or race going on early sunday morning...little orange pennants attached to the bikes for safety.looks like the future is a little brighter.

bad boy of the north said...

i still have to figure out other trails down there.i did pick up a trails map,though,so I have that going for me.oh,and i have lots of Virginia clay attached to the bottom of the bike,now.

P. Bateman said...

happy monday you bunch of handsome and pretty bike ridin' mofos!

Helen said...

Evidence that Freds really do go "wooo hoo hoo".

https://www.facebook.com/groups/melbcycling/permalink/1429504577075277/

(Although this is like Every Road in central Victoria (Aus), most of which are gravel!)

Low Tide said...

How many sea urchins are you allowed to harvest a day in British Columbia and do you need to aquire a licence? Also, what's the best tire pressure to run if you plan to carry them on your bike that's running 27c tires?

Anonymous said...

Sea urchins!?? Don't you have to slurp their gonads?

BamaPhred said...

I just want to be the first to say Welcome back, Bike Snob.

What The Dickens said...

When Oliver Twist espied the Artful Dodger he said, "See, urchin".

babble on said...

Pretty sure the exact moment of the solstice was six or seven hours ago, and this is the shortest night of the year.

Bad boy.. Heh Heh. Good for what ales you indeed.

bad boy of the north said...

methinks,the roll-n-roaster would not segregate between foam-hat wearers vs.non-foam hat wearers on dishing out water.i believe it was the writer's opinion on safety(?).just my take.
welcome back,wcrm.

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