Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Sorry I'm late, I was looking for my keys.

A helmet saved my live this morning.

So what happened?  Did I go flying over the bars, land on my head, and immediately break into a celebratory helmeted headspin because I was uninjured thanks to my plastic hat?


Hardly.

No, the manner in which a helmet saved me had nothing to do with head protection at all.

See, as a semi-professional bike blogger and recovering Fred I have like eleventy million bikes, most of which I keep under lock and key.  And like anybody with eleventy million bikes under lock and key, I have a ridiculously crowded dungeon master-like keyring on which I keep most of my bike lock keys:



Well, this morning as I prepared for my bike commute I reached for my dungeon master keyring only to find that it was not in its appointed place.  I panicked.  Without it, not only would I be unable to access the majority of my Fred sleds, but we'd also be totally locked out of the Familial Smugness Fleet:


Shit.

(By the way, as you can see from the foundation in the background of the above photo, we do live in a castle, which explains why I keep my Fred sleds in a dungeon.)

My first thought was that maybe I'd left my keys in the wheel lock of my WorkCycles because that's exactly the sort of stupid thing I'm liable to do, so I fetched my oil lantern, grabbed a torch off the wall, and ran downstairs to check:



No dice.



At this point you're smugly thinking to yourself one or both of the following:

1) Don't you keep spare keys to all your bike locks in a safe place?

2) Remember how you made fun of those "smartlocks" you can open with your phone?  Who's laughing now?

Well, here are my answers:

1) Yeah, right.

2) Nah, still stupid.  You think someone who can't hold onto his keys is capable of keeping his phone charged?

Anyway, just as I was about to ask the Con Ed crew down the street if they had an angle grinder I could borrow I realized that the last time I'd used my bike keys I'd been schlepping not one but both of my human children.  And anybody who's unloaded more than one child at a time from any kind of vehicle--a bike, a car, a plane, a boat, what have you--knows that it's a complete shitshow as you attempt to juggle both them and their belongings.  I mean sure, noted actor Liev Schreiber may look dashing hauling the kids around on his WorkCycles, but just wait until he has to get them off of it:


Just kidding, everybody knows noted actor Liev Schreiber has a smugness butler whose job it is to unload his bikes for him, and everybody also knows if you get too close to him with a camera he'll throw a terrier at you:



Well, I should say everybody but me.  But now I know too, and I've got the bite marks on my face to prove it.

Anyway, as I remembered leaving the bike with a child under each arm and about fifty tote bags in my teeth, I hoped against hope that maybe--just maybe--in all the mishegas of disembarking I'd put my keys in the baby's helmet.  Because really, let's be honest: the only thing even remotely useful about helmets is that you can hold them by the chin strap and use them to help carry stuff when your hands are full.

So I ran back upstairs:


And wouldn't you know it, there were my keys, safe inside the baby's brain bucket.

Therefore, the helmet saved my life, because without access to my bikes I am nothing.  NOTHING!

So now, having failed to get me on the "smartlock" thing, you're probably wondering: "Hey Bike Snit, you're always talking crab about helmets, yet you make your precious baby wear one.  Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"

Well, maybe yes and maybe no, but the reason I put a helmet on the baby doesn't really have anything to do with safety.  See, I don't think wearing a helmet on a bike makes him appreciably safer--and if I did I'd make him wear it in the house too, since that's where the real danger is.  When you consider all the dumb stuff babies do in a house--goading the cat, rappelling down the bookshelves, launching themselves head first into an empty bathtub--you realize that strapped into a seat on a bike and traveling at slightly more than walking speed is just about the safest place they could possibly be, regardless of what they've got on their heads.

No, the reason I put a helmet on the baby is mostly to pre-empt any criticism, because even though I do my best to ignore other people's opinions even I have my limits and don't relish the idea of debating with strangers.  (Though if I know you I'll happily tell you to go fuck yourself.)  Plus, the truth is that kids love to wear helmets.  My older kid will often insist on wearing his, even though I tell him it looks stupid, show him pictures of a bareheaded Jaques Anquetil, and scream about how he's ripping out my heart.  Even the baby likes wearing one, and he'll bring it to me when he wants to go outside, which is adorable.  Then he'll try to brain the cat with it.

And if you're wondering which helmet I slap on the baby, I'm using the "Baby Nutty," which sounds like a good name for a rapper:

Besides the fun colors, the best thing about the Baby Nutty is the magnetic buckle, because if you've ever gotten your kid's chin caught in a regular buckle you know how annoying it is to have to wait for them to cry it out.  (Yeah, also their feelings, yadda yadda.)

What I really can't stand though is the smug little decal they put on every single Nutcase helmet, child or otherwise:




When I see this on a child's helmet I think, "Oh please, you don't even know what a brain is, and if you saw one you'd cry."  And when I see it on an adult I just think, "Screw you and your brain, you're a freaking idiot."

All that aside, if you're going to strap the illusion of safety onto your kid's melon, Nutcase is a good way to go--though I might start selling an upgraded sticker kit so you can cover that decal:

Now I've just got to do something about his shoes, because like all babies he removes them and throws them off the bike while we're riding, which I don't realize until we arrive at our destination.  In fact the other day I had to backtrack quite a ways in order to find one:


You can just make out my nonplussed visage in the bell:


Maybe I should get him some SPD baby shoes and make some footrests out of an old pair of mountain bike pedals.

Anyway, once I had my dungeon keys I was able to liberate an appropriate Fred sled for my morning commute, which was a good thing because it's a beautiful day today even though the trees are still dead:


This street is right by my castle.  If you squint while you're climbing you can almost convince yourself you're on a mountain pass somewhere, but really it's a New York City street with a number and everything.

In other words, I spend a lot of time squinting while I'm riding, and generally live my life in a state of constant denial.

Speaking of cycling in New York City, much of our bike infrastructure was implemented by former DOT Commissioner Janette Sadik-Khan, who has a new book out:


Which was recently excerpted by New York magazine:

Never underestimate the anger directed at bicyclists. They ride too fast, terrorizing pedestrians. They ride too slow, dangerously obstructing drivers. They don’t wear helmets or reflective bike gear, jeopardizing themselves. They shouldn’t ride in streets, which are hostile, car-only zones. They shouldn’t have their own lanes because there aren’t enough of them to take away space from cars. Yet there are so many of them that they’re running down pedestrians and therefore shouldn’t ride on sidewalks.

Tell me about it.

I particularly enjoyed this trip down (bright green and buffered, presumably) memory lane:

The bike backlash of early 2011 were the toughest months I’ve ever endured professionally. Newspapers, radio stations, and blogs delivered damning quotes from shopkeepers, people in cars, schoolteachers, and crossing guards to inflame the debate. We were accused of ignoring community views and ramming projects down communities’ throats, making streets dangerous and killing businesses. Every day brought new stories of misery, not just about Prospect Park West but about every bike project old or new, plazas already constructed, and phantom projects that hadn’t even been proposed.

A reporter questioned a bike-lane project on Manhattan’s Second Avenue that ran near the Israeli consulate. “Imagine if the man on the bike was a terrorist!” John Cassidy of The New Yorker claimed that our polices represented the views of “a small faddist minority intent on foisting its bi-pedalist views on a disinterested or actively reluctant populace.” In the New York Post, Cindy Adams dubbed me the “wacko nutso bike commissioner.” Blistering critiques of the bike backlash and my starring role in it fueled a major story in the Times. The lead quote in that piece came from Anthony Weiner, at the time a candidate for mayor, who said that during his first term, “I’m going to have a bunch of ribbon-cuttings tearing out your fucking bike lanes.” The backlash landed on the cover of this magazine with a photo illustration containing every urban street-fight cliché: two aggressive men riding bikes the wrong way; horrified pedestrians; a car blocking a bike lane; and the headline “Not Quite Copenhagen. Is New York Too New York for Bike Lanes?”

Sadly I'm not sure you can declare the bike wars over until the city and state stop sanctioning homicidal driving and the NYPD ends its official policy of "no criminality suspected" when it comes to dead cyclists and pedestrians, but that doesn't make the sheer scope of what Janette Sadik-Khan accomplished as DOT Commissioner any less impressive.

Speaking of new books, I know someone else who's got one coming out:



And with the weather turning pleasant there's a very good chance I'll use its impending publication as an excuse to hang out somewhere nice and give people some free stuff in the very near future, so stay tuned.

Lastly, I have glimpsed the future, and it is the Running Bike:



Which, as far as I can tell, combines the leg-pumping motion of the ElliptiGO with the sheer misery of PowerCranks:


They really should be marketing this to roadies.  Put that drivetrain on a carbon frame and cite some spurious data about "fitness gains" and they'll be all over it.

87 comments:

Ted K. said...

127. A technological advance that appears not to threaten freedom often turns out to threaten it very seriously later on. For example, consider motorized transport. A walking man formerly could go where he pleased, go at his own pace without observing any traffic regulations, and was independent of technological support-systems. When motor vehicles were introduced they appeared to increase man’s freedom. They took no freedom away from the walking man, no one had to have an automobile if he didn’t want one, and anyone who did choose to buy an automobile could travel much faster and farther than a walking man. But the introduction of motorized transport soon changed society in such a way as to restrict greatly man’s freedom of locomotion. When automobiles became numerous, it became necessary to regulate their use extensively. In a car, especially in densely populated areas, one cannot just go where one likes at one’s own pace one’s movement is governed by the flow of traffic and by various traffic laws. One is tied down by various obligations: license requirements, driver test, renewing registration, insurance, maintenance required for safety, monthly payments on purchase price. Moreover, the use of motorized transport is no longer optional. Since the introduction of motorized transport the arrangement of our cities has changed in such a way that the majority of people no longer live within walking distance of their place of employment, shopping areas and recreational opportunities, so that they HAVE TO depend on the automobile for transportation. Or else they must use public transportation, in which case they have even less control over their own movement than when driving a car. Even the walker’s freedom is now greatly restricted. In the city he continually has to stop to wait for traffic lights that are designed mainly to serve auto traffic. In the country, motor traffic makes it dangerous and unpleasant to walk along the highway. (Note this important point that we have just illustrated with the case of motorized transport: When a new item of technology is introduced as an option that an individual can accept or not as he chooses, it does not necessarily REMAIN optional. In many cases the new technology changes society in such a way that people eventually find themselves FORCED to use it.)

dnk said...

Fuck off Ted!

cdinvb said...

I was on Reddit. Two? Three?

Anonymous said...

Leading out Ted K for my first post. Could be the cause of love or hate by the rest of the field.

Gideon said...

I know everyone has been like, where is Gideon, omg, where is Gideon. Well I'm back bicyclingists. Mr. Snob is it too early to ask whether you will be organizing an anti Fondo, or Fondon't?

- Not a Robot

streepo said...

Fuck you Ted K! And fuck you too Ted C.!

scranus

Anonymous said...

Top tenuous?

Mark Knoffler said...

those keys are up your ass if you knew where they were

ken e. said...

in there!

Two Claws said...

Two claws up!

ken e. said...

that's unfortunate.

P. Bateman said...

Top Tiny!

streepo said...

Where are my keys?
If they were up your ass you'd know!
Maybe, maybe not.

dancesonpedals said...

scranus

N/A said...

Liev Schreiber keeps a satchel full of small throwing-dogs close to his person at all times, just in case.

Anonymous said...

The Kickstarter is already suspended :(

McFly said...

The next time you can't find your keys just call the Manitowoc County Sherriff's Department.

le Correcteur said...

You're late; I stopped to read; I'm late to the top 10.

"Maybe I should get him some SPD baby shoes and make some footrests out of an old pair of moutnain bike pedals."

Yeah, that and some velcro palmed baby gloves; you won't hardly need the seat anymore, just the footrests and a vestigial velcroed handlebar!

Grump said...

Did you think that you might have left a spare set of master keys down in the Trump Torture chamber of your fortress of solitude?????



bcstractor said...

Isn't that new crank bike straight out of Sharps 1890 something book?

Grantland Rice said...

"The Kickstarter is already suspended :("

Yes, this would have be a good on to set the benchmark for the BSNYC Kickstarter affect. It had $0 when today's post dropped. less than 1/2 an hour later, it is suspended.

Anonymous said...


RUNNING BIKE UPDATE:

$0.00
pledged of $45,000 goal

Funding Suspended

Funding for this project was suspended by Kickstarter 11 minutes ago.

Anonymous said...

Wait a moment, Ted finally got to the point!

crosspalms said...

I often think I should post a checklist on my basement door to remind me: keys? wallet? lock? helmet? I've left the house without at least one of those way too many times.

Baby Nutter sounds like a delicious candy bar.

Roger Kummert said...

TWO Kids! What happened to all of the others?

blunchbelly said...

Ah fourth day in row for recreational ride! I knew it would be a good day for this old man when first thing I took a large Trump and a couple little Marcos, they Cruzed right out.

BamaPhred said...

I find "zipped up" very useful on my personal checklist.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

MMMmmm nice and locally warm today!

vsk

balls™ said...

Once, as a visiting tourist, I had my baby daughter strapped to my chest, warm under the big coat I was wearing. Some old lady at a crosswalk chastised me for not having 16 blankets wrapped around my kid. So, I empathize with your "helment on the baby" dilemma.

Just wrap some duct tape on those tiny shoes. Eventually the little tyke will bring you the roll of tape whenever it wants to go outside.

Yes the bike won, if anybody takes time to keep score. What;s the number of people killed by those rude cyclists? Like, less than two?

Scranus. Boobs. Butts. Meh.

Winky said...

That runners' bike is about dumbest fucking thing I have ever seen on Kickstarter. Contemplate for a moment, the sheer enormity of that claim.

P. Bateman said...

was visiting some friends that have a little kid. want to say a 2 year old?

the wife's sister took her out on a short bike ride (in some quiet neighborhood streets) without a helmate.

parents lost their shit. we're pretty darn upset.

given my ignorance on child durability for short falls i just elected to stay out.

his wife is expecting again and has been pretty cunty lately anyway.

Anonymous said...

I, for one, am glad that these fine kickstarting engineers have developed a "Trosion Powered mechanisum" that will save us all from the dangers of the "Traditional Sproket operated power mechanisum". Funding suspension be damned, Running bike forever!

Linden said...

Thanks to whoever keeps posting the kaczynski stuff. I'm a regular reader now.

Linden said...

Thanks to whoever keeps posting the kaczynski stuff. I'm a regular reader now.

Nelson Muntz said...

Funding suspended ... ha ha.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

In my ribbon thin slice of time I was riding yesterday, someone on a scooter said to me "Gee you're pretty brave, no helmet?"
I said "No, no helmet, except for the motorcycle, but as soon as I get to Connecticut, that shit comes off".

Also, damn all you winter riders / trainers / and folks who manage to stay in shape!
At least I have a chance at being "most improved".

Actually, screw that, this black + white cookie looks excellent!

vsk

Roille Figners said...

I love when helments save you're live. Their teh best!

"I love my brain." Those words were never uttered by anyone ever. They're being placed in people's mouths by a healemenette company that profits from fear. What they're really saying is, "You should fear the loss of your brain [enough to buy our healemenettes]!"

But say someone really did say "I love my brain." It raises deep questions. For example, are we -- our thoughts, things we "love" etc. -- something apart from our own brains? I wouldn't say this has been proven. When you say you love your brain, a large part of that utterance is accomplished by said brain itself. So are we something apart or are we saying our brains love themselves? Either way: big deal, you love yourself and/or a part of yourself - good job, onanist! I don't suppose you've got room for loving anyone else on top of all that self-brain-loving?

Besides which, what is so awesome and unique about your brain that makes it so lovable? Wait lemme guess, you're a special unique snowflake whose death would forever impoverish the world? Or it is that your shitty brain simply happens to be the one you're using right now, and you put your own self-interest first? (As opposed to evaluating whether it's worth it to the world, to spend all the natural resources required to keep you and your brain alive. What are you giving back, you precious, precious human?)

David Olson said...

Saw your book on sale at JFK last night. I never could understand math but good luck anyway.

Anonymous said...

Was out for pleasant leg warmer upper at lunch today - 65+ degrees F and no cars bothered us, as a result not close to top ten.

Celebrity sighting story: Did you know who I almost bumped into Liev S. once a long time ago at that place ...err.. what's its name - oh yeah...Joe's Pub. True story if anyone cares. I think this was in his "getting popular but not as popular as I want-to-be stage." He did seem like a pleasant person.

leroy said...

If you can't photograph Liev Schreiber because of his throwing dog, then the terriers have won.

Of course, I assured my dog that between the two of us, he's more likely to be the one slinging stuff.

That calmed him down.

He reminds me that NY law requires helmets on those under 13, although he has been able to talk his way out of a ticket by explaining that doesn't apply to those of us whose age is calculated in dog years.

Odd thing though, he was gesturing towards me at the time.

CommieCanuck said...

Agree to disagree Snob. It's important we keep our special snowflakes' brain healthy as young, innocent, children..so we can drug the shit out of them later on with Ritalin and Prozac when they are no longer cute.

P. Bateman said...


wish i still had a ritalin but its such a pain to get a scrip these days.

Bryan said...

Thanks for the hint about Sadik-Kahn's new book! I'll put that on the Goodread's list. Good excerpt in the New Yorker, as well. I don't know about that chump Eben Weiss' book though. If it wasn't funded through Kickstarter, no way can it be good.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...I forgot what I was going to say.

JLRB said...

When you blog in your underwear from your couch, what exactly does your bike commute look like?

AND - I was rudely reminded this morning that the second day of riding after 2 months off the bike = scranus pain.

That is all - carry on.

BamaPhred said...

PB I guess you will need to repeat grade school to get a hassle free Ritalin scrip. But I think they ought to give it to the teachers. After all they're the one with the problem. Says the card carrying DSM_IV certified member of the All ADHD team. But there was no Ritalin when I when to school, thank Lob.....

Two Claws said...

That guy by Lievs front wheel looks a lot like the original Wolfman from the movies, if he shaved, looks like he's thinking about eating those children.

Anonymous said...

Hey sir Snob.
Like you, I make my littles wear a helmet to avoid public criticism while going bare headed myself (except when on the road bike when I also imbibe in the plastic hat ... unless I forget)(I still can't manage the lycra however. It is Tasmania we're talking about).
Unlike you ... I take it a step farther. Our ride to school is all downhill ... hence the speedy kids get to wear helmets. On the slowly way home they don't. Also, on the segregated creek side bike lane invisible from the streets they also get to play freely in the universe as lob intended.
On the rare occasion I have to teach at my own school, I also wear a helmet (on the bike, not while teaching).
Thanks for all your work!

P. Bateman said...

@Bama - i need to return to grade school simply for the education. i've become so damn stupid over the years. face is aging well though, so that helps. you can get away with being dumb with a decent face.

bad boy of the north said...

wish I had come up with term...but the smuggy buggys parked next each other,needed an awww,how cute! comment.
anyways,took a nice midday spin on the unusual for march 80 'merican degree day.opened the windows in the house and shut off the heat....welcome to global warming!
robot says cacti

Spokey said...

heard a book interview earlier today with Sadik-Khan. wasn't all that impressed. she seemed a little full of herself. but i guess if you're a politician you have to have a bit of an ego and at least a little bit narcissistic.

https://soundcloud.com/johngambling/12-pm-hour-3-9-16-nicole#t=31:50

janinedm said...

I didn't wear a helmet for a year and ended up going back to them. They're the the best protection from having people who do not ride bikes and don't care about your safety give you unsolicited advice about bike safety.

grog said...

Dammit put a helnment on that throwing dog.
FIDO DART

dop said...

Many men wear condoms for the same reason.

janinedm said...

crosspalms, I can't help you with your lock and helmet, but I use the banjo bros phone wallet for the rest. http://banjobrothers.com/products/current/replacement-parts-t-shirts-and-swag/jersey-pocket-cycling-wallet/ it holds phone, money and cards and has a loop. So then I attach it and my keys to my body with a caribeaner (sp?). If I'm not wearing anything with loops to hook things on I just bungee everything to the bike.

bad boy of the north said...

our little burg up here is having a parade and pub crawl this weekend on a day that usually has twice a month weekend crowd swelling.a trifecta if there ever was one.thought i'd ride one of my two wheeled contraptions during those festivities,but ain't want any deewee while ridin',(not too,too sure about ny deewee law on bikes)so,I's gonna crawl instead.

Anonymous said...

Yes and no. It's a good point as it illustrates the problem of the motorcar as an example of bad technology, but Ted tars all tech with the same brush. As every good anarchist should know (and Ted is not a good anarchist) technology should be evaluated for its role as to whether it increases or decreases disparity in power. Good technology, like the bicycle, does not increase disparity (because it has an inbuilt limit, the power of the human body). Except among Freds boasting over lattes, but they don't count.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

janinedm @ 4:09 "They're the the best protection from having people who do not ride bikes and don't care about your safety give you unsolicited advice about bike safety."

First came "Great, who's this asshole?" and now another gem. If I were back in high school or college, I would definitely want your help writing papers!

Anonymous said...

I don't own a human child of my own, but if I did I would encourage him/her/it not to wear a helmet. Nothing builds character like a little TBI.

Anonymous said...

I had some ball surgery recently, nothing serious. Three weeks off the bike but finally back on this week. Although it only took two weeks before I was back on the wife though. Hiyooo! A pleasure but still need to watch out for potholes, while on the bike not the wife. Hiyooo?

Anonymous said...

Dogs don't seem like much of a problem any more, perhaps the owners got sued a whole bunch of money for dogbites, but way back in the day i was "attacked" by dogs a lot on a bike (they never actually got me). It would have been nice to have a throw dog to distract them....

Some brain dead morons think Ted is a "genius" said...

Wishy Washy Ted and his immediately self-contradictory bullshit: "so that they HAVE TO depend on the automobile for transportation (Or not). Or else they must use public transportation...."

or else they could walk, or take a bike, or work at home, or move to some bike mecca like Davis/Moab/Durango, or else they could move to a different country, or live in a dirty shack in Montana......

Not like a good old days when most people had the "freedom" to live on the farm 95% of the time.

JCB said...

Are you seriously going to let your publisher release your book with an image of the world's mot improbable front fender on the cover? Hideous solecism!

New South Fails said...

Track standing is also illegal in NSW Austraya - $425 fine. and you think the NYPD is bad, in NSW the fucking government and the cops are hell bent on banning cycling.

Dooth said...

Was everyone tripping when I was a kid, because I rode un-helmeted and no one cared.

My milkshake captcha made my stomach growl

Larry The Lecher said...

I don't know who that guy with the two kids on the WorksCycle is, but there is a pair of legs standing behind the bike that I wouldn't mind seeing more of.

Guncan Day said...

In the World's most fucked bicycle backwater (Australia) I must legally apply a helment to the human child. It is also a nutcase which I have come to abhor. The annoyance you mention aside, it also just doesn't fit even though it was 'expertly fitted'. It normally sits at 45 degrees on my kid's noggin. Safety eh? But also he likes to wear it, so whutever. He did also destroy my road helmet by pretending he was Darth Vader and wearing it over his face (like a fencing mask). And you think you get hassled for your kids? Try it here. Most *adults* can't cycle down the street bareheaded without someone shouting 'helpful advice' at them. You really can't believe how fucked up shit is here. You seriously need to fight all mandatory helmet laws, fine equalization bullshit, flags, hiviz or whatever. Bikes are not cars, and these laws are wielded only by those who wish to get bikes off the street.

The real Duncan Gay thinks he is god said...

In Australia when I take my kids for a ride to the park and none of us wear helmets I am a bad parent and do gooders call the police and child protection services and I face all sorts of terrible trouble.

In Europe when I take my kids for a ride to the park and none of us wear helmets we join all the other good parents and happy kids on their bicycles getting exercise and having fun.

Aussiemorons are completely fucked in the head.

Bod said...

Ooh! Can you make it rain free shit between the 19th and the 26th of April? I'll be travelling to the colony from your motherland then and it's the least you can do.

By the way, what should a first time visitor to NYC do? Don't give me that shit about the Statue of Liberty though, I've seen the original in France and it's just a chick with an ice cream or something

Been There A FewTimes said...

"By the way, what should a first time visitor to NYC do?"

Be prepared to spend a ridiculous amount of money on everything.

Been There A FewTimes said...

You don't HAVE to spend a ridiculous amount of money; there is plenty to do/see/experience in NYC for free or reasonable money. But most first time visitors do not know enough to do this.

JLRB said...

Have no fear The Google cars will keep us safe from harm

JLRB said...

Anon @4:25 "because it has an inbuilt limit, the power of the human body"

Have you not been paying attention tot he wee little motors hidden in seat tubes? Or all the less disguised versions running around the bike lanes/MUPs with the hugeazz motorized hubs? The human body limit is gone. Not that I support the anarchist view, but your logic no longer holds water...

McFly said...

SMOKIN' hot MILF down the street puts a pic on the insta of her and her newly acquired previously loved Quintana Roo tri bike with her in short shorts. In the comments she hashtags #yesihaveahelmet then everyone starts chiming in to immediately put it on.

Killed the vibe.....just killed it.

bad boy of the north said...

is it me or doesn't david byrne resemble j.peterman from Seinfeld?if you look on janette sadik-khans'twitter account,you'll know what I mean.apparently he was at her book launching.
apartment buildings.

crosspalms said...

janinedm,
Thanks! It's more a brain problem than an equipment problem, though if I switch from one bike to another it winds up being both -- that's how I leave the lock behind, and sometimes the helmet... But I guess the checklist would be shorter if I just wrote "phone wallet?"

dancesonpedals said...

Quitana Roo...Phooey! Cervelo took over that market...although the cool kids ride bmc matte black crabon...while aging Freds like myself still clip aerobars to their road bikes

Frilly Chick said...

Anon 6:01-- dog "attacks"=intervals

janinedm said...

@Bod, you can rent a bike and hit the Met Museums. One (wholly optional and "suggested") admittance fee will get you into the Cloisters, the main Met on Fifth Ave and the new Met Breuer (pronounce it Broyer so you don't sound stupid). Here's what you do, Rent a bike. Not a citbike. Then you head north up the greenway to Snob's country and hit the Cloisters. There will be water and the occasional flower bush and, at the Cloisters, a million other photo opps. Eat lunch up there at the New Leaf. Get back on your bike. Take Saint Nicholas Ave down to Frederick Douglass Ave (you will travel through Harlem including the delightful Sugar Hill), do one lap in Central Park (I guess) and then hit the main Met building. I should note that the Cloisters has no good parking, but the Met has a dedicated area in the parking lot. Then you can hit up the new Met Breuer on 75th and Madison. That's a thing.

Another thing is you can meet up with my sometimes crew. Every Thursday, a group called Social Cycling NYC meets up on the southwest corner of Central Park. Around 7:30 they put their wheels down and go on a group ride through city streets to some food. I cannot tell you what kind of person you'll see there. That's what I like about it. It's a mixed bag of office folk with sensible hybrids, weird guys on recumbents with more mirrors attached than a disco ball, a brompton or two, random BMX kids, messenger types who don't talk. It could be 20 people or 3 people. You can go to the SCNYC Facebook page to see what the route is going to be.

Finally, quality restaurants on bike lanes include: Veselka, Kashkaval Garden, and Momofuku Noodle Bar.

JLRB said...

How do you pronounce Broyer?

McFly said...

dop, it's an older model....650B I do believe. Hey I'm OK with it. She has done hit me up for a fit and a mechanical issue or two. Normally I would plead ignorance because when you ride bikes people think you love to work on them for some reason.

This is a different scenario entirely.

janinedm said...

BROY-er

ca h said...

Please come to DC on your book tour.

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Brooks said...

Didn't anyone else notice that the "Runners Bike" was actually just a 1980s Alenax? They guy didn't even cover up the decals. Alenax tried for years to market their lever-powered bikes before folding in the early '90s. There were road and mountain versions of the bikes, which were available for several years. You can still find them on eBay, Craigslist, and the occasional garage sale. There's more about it on The Retrogrouch: http://bikeretrogrouch.blogspot.com/2016/03/the-running-bike-joke-or-scam.html

I honestly can't tell if the Kickstarter effort was meant as a joke, or a scam. The "reward" for people who pledged $250 was a tube of shaving cream -- for a bike you can get on eBay for $240 or best offer.

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