But first, your cutting-edge product of the day:
Put that in your bone and conduct it.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see the solution to the housing crisis.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and make sure you're not running stale air in your tires.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Portland's Nike-sponsored bike share program will be called:
--"Nike Bike"
--"Biketown"
--"Nikelandia"
--"Air LeBron Federer Tiger Portland Trail Blazers Bike"
2) Nike will pay $10 million to sponsor Portland's bike share program for five years. How much does Nike spend on advertising (or what they call "demand creation") annually?
--Approximately $3 million
--Approximately $30 million
--Approximately $300 million
--Approximately $3 billion
(Living in Florida can also be a factor.)
3) Bicycle helmets make you stupid.
--True
--False
4) What is Garmin Varia Vision?
--A data tracker that clips onto your existing sunglasses
--An alternative to the current crop of "smart glasses"
--Basically a $400 helmet mirror
--All of the above
(Demand creation.)
5) Which is the most popular Strava segment in the world?
--Full Sawyers Uphill in London’s Richmond Park
--Cat's Paw in New York's Central Park
--Hawk Hill in the Marin Headlands near San Francisco
--The fabled "Sausage Loop" in Cleveland, OH
6) As of March, what is the fine for not wearing a helmet while cycling in New South Wales, Australia?
--$119
--$219
--$319
--Exile to New Zealand
7) Attempting to ride this stretch of road without a gravel-rated bicycle would have resulted in certain death.
--True
--False
***Special Tall Bike-Themed Bonus Video!***
You have to feel for his wife who only found out about his twisted obsession after they were married.
Throughout this article we've made imprecise statements... -- Ted K
ReplyDelete97. Constitutional rights are useful up to a point, but they do not serve to guarantee much more than what might be called the bourgeois conception of freedom. According to the bourgeois conception, a “free” man is essentially an element of a social machine and has only a certain set of prescribed and delimited freedoms; freedoms that are designed to serve the needs of the social machine more than those of the individual. Thus the bourgeois’s “free” man has economic freedom because that promotes growth and progress; he has freedom of the press because public criticism restrains misbehavior by political leaders; he has a right to a fair trial because imprisonment at the whim of the powerful would be bad for the system. This was clearly the attitude of Simon Bolivar. To him, people deserved liberty only if they used it to promote progress (progress as conceived by the bourgeois). Other bourgeois thinkers have taken a similar view of freedom as a mere means to collective ends. Chester C. Tan, “Chinese Political Thought in the Twentieth Century,” page 202, explains the philosophy of the Kuomintang leader Hu Han-min: “An individual is granted rights because he is a member of society and his community life requires such rights. By community Hu meant the whole society of the nation.” And on page 259 Tan states that according to Carsum Chang (Chang Chun-mai, head of the State Socialist Party in China) freedom had to be used in the interest of the state and of the people as a whole. But what kind of freedom does one have if one can use it only as someone else prescribes? FC’s conception of freedom is not that of Bolivar, Hu, Chang or other bourgeois theorists. The trouble with such theorists is that they have made the development and application of social theories their surrogate activity. Consequently the theories are designed to serve the needs of the theorists more than the needs of any people who may be unlucky enough to live in a society on which the theories are imposed.
ReplyDeleteboobies
ReplyDeleteNon-bot podio? I guess there should be such a distinction.
ReplyDeleteAnd fuck you TedK
Bots and Teds and Anony Moose, oh my!
ReplyDeleteSixth!
ReplyDeleteSunshine on my scranus makes me happy...
ReplyDeletei will cede my top tendinitis to commentariat who has been not been skipping class this week like moi
ReplyDeleteThat video ("Hello. My name is Henry. And I'm here to demonstrate our smarter biking helmet.") was deliciously inscrutable.
ReplyDelete$1200 for a tall bike sounds like a steal to me! It'll fit nicely next to my Venge Schmenge and my artisanal leather 6 pack holder.
ReplyDeleteWow. Top 10
ReplyDeleteTALL BIKE
ReplyDeleteCMPN SATE
Top Twenty.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, time to adjust the handlebars up again, but after last year's rain it's seriously stuck.
(Alloy quill step, steel fork. Looking for more leverage.)
Forgot to power on this morning. Glad to see the Happy Unicorn is back to take the top step. HORS DONG!
ReplyDeleteShouldn't stale tire air be reclaimed and purified before it's discharged into the atmosphere we all have to breathe?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy dog won't stop asking me to ask what the purchaser of a Hummer wants.
ReplyDeleteHe says he knows the answer. He just wants me to ask.
Not gonna do it. Nope. Not gonna just do it.
Ride safe all!
If Portland's bike share program is called "Biketown" (like Niketown), does that mean that it should be pronounced like buy-key-town?
ReplyDeleteOne thing that seems fairly constant with the kickstarter-type campaigns: flat-bar road bikes. Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteI bet the Indian tall-bike guy isn't even running tubeless. Ass.
Top whatev from the left coast, yawn.
ReplyDeleteMy SmartGlasses tell me I'm "stoopid", and to buy more bikes in the $5k-colorway.
Who's the joke on now smarty glasses?!
BLAK JACK
ReplyDeleteSPANISH EDDDY
ReplyDeleteCipollini knows a thing or two about bone conduction.
ReplyDeleteI've biked that lovely stretch of pavement along the coast South of Monterey bext to Pebble Bitch golfing course - a beautiful ride that does not require bone conduction for enjoyment.
ReplyDeleteps - welcome back unicorn - good to see your master got around to fixing you
ReplyDeleteI am no connisewer of KickStarter videos, but that is easily one of the least inspiring that I have ever seen. The long focus shots and the listless camera movements are like a bad parody of French new wave cinema, and I don't mean that as a complement.
ReplyDeleteTed K. is the original retrogrouch. He only practiced his craft with steel and wood. No crabon or aluminium for Ted K.
ReplyDelete(But internet blogs are totatlly cool)
i'll give you threee guesses as to what else extends from 8 to 10.
ReplyDeletehint: my dick
i felt like i was being hypnotized by the kickstarter helmoot video. did anyone else have the urge to go swimming in the ocean and just drift out to sea?
ReplyDeleteThe Nike picture with purple cloth is from the Heaven's Gate cult mass suicide. Those were some trippers, here's an excerpt from the Wiki page about it. They had me at phenobarbital and apple sauce. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heaven%27s_Gate_(religious_group)
ReplyDeleteThe members took phenobarbital mixed with apple sauce and washed down with vodka. Additionally, they secured plastic bags around their heads after ingesting the mix to induce asphyxiation. Authorities found the dead lying neatly in their own bunk beds, faces and torsos covered by a square, purple cloth. Each member carried a five-dollar bill and three quarters in their pockets: the five dollar bill was to cover vagrancy fines while members were out on jobs, while the quarters were to make phone calls. Members kept these in their pockets at the time of death as a sort of dark humor. All 39 were dressed in identical black shirts and sweat pants, brand new black-and-white Nike Decades athletic shoes, and armband patches reading "Heaven's Gate Away Team".
Thanks for the snacks.
ReplyDeleteTed K - everybody hates you!
ReplyDeleteDoes google not work in India or something? That punjabi tall bike is well off the back.
ReplyDeleteJust off hand, that El Diablo, road bikeen super fan, Didi Senft, rode a taller bike.
Current record is
Stoopidtaller, 20' 2.5"
Did you hear about the new Indian dating app? It's called Connect the Dots :P
Hey! That first video, the one featuring the “4 Channel Bone”…that’s 17 Mile Drive in Pebble Beach! It’s one of our most popular local cycling routes. It’s about a mile from my front door here in Monterey. (I’m on “the other side of the tracks”, mind you!) I have to say, though, I’ve never noticed anyone riding that route with the “4 Channel Bone”.
ReplyDeleteI love The Manifesto. Most intelligent part of the comments, even when he sleeps in.
ReplyDeletewoke up
ReplyDeletefell out of bed
dragged a comb across my
scranus
As for that helmet speaker thingy, why not just duct tape your 80's Boom Box to your handlebars?...You'll look just as cool.
ReplyDeleteLook out Cleveland!
ReplyDeleteI have been doing my squat thrusts and will be hitting the "sausage loop" hard this weekend.
Uncharacteristically, I got a lot wrong on this quiz. I think I spent too much time doing the "Full Sawyer" this week.
ReplyDeleteA monkey wanking is always funny!
ReplyDeleteIt's also how I feel about my job.
Don't forget to stop for a megamillions ticket on the way home. If I win I'll be donating a not so small sum to the BikeSnobNYC/RTMS/WCRM retirement island fund.
ReplyDeleteHorse Dong. mmmmmm
ReplyDelete(once you go horse, you'll always feel the force)
Eddy Merckx rides an electric bike?
ReplyDeleteFire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
The dead rising from the grave!
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
C'mon, Snobby, your pre quiz foreplay is usually a bit more satisfying than that!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeletePORK LOOP
It's well into the new year and no one has asked Jesus to bless them or bless whatever activities they are about. Therefore all you sinners shall have to burn for eternity in hell. Read the bible and learn the good news of the Lord! I'm planning on doing it myself sometime soon.
ReplyDeletewhat are you talking about? i personally thanked baby jesus out loud today, when i rode unscathed through the most sketchy of roundabouts....
ReplyDeleteTHNK SBBY
JSUS ICEY
RDSY IKES
mmmmm baby jesus
ReplyDeleteonce you go jeezus, you thighs will feel breezes
I call out to God from between the sheets as often as possible. Does that count?
ReplyDeleteIf Jesus was to make his second coming from the South, would he be stopped by The Great Wall of Trump?
ReplyDeleteNot if He had a green card.
ReplyDeleteClassic TV/Documentaries on New York
ReplyDelete– 1940 Coney Island
– 1960 Greenwich Village
– 1938 Boats – Hudson
– 1941 Transporation
www.icineflix.com
Oh great: "The group of newly arrived Syrians, which included children, was sprayed by an unknown bicyclist as they gathered outdoors on Friday for a welcome function at the Muslim Association of Canada Centre, Vancouver police said." (via The Guardian). What's going on up there in Vancouver babs?
ReplyDeleteRight??! And the perpetrator was a cyclist, too, as if people needed a reason to hate on us. I can't believe it.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet amongst my circles at least, there is nothing but good wishes for the refugees in our community. Mum and her friend have been sponsoring new families (and not only Syrians) yearly for a good long time now, and so we all contribute where we can. There are lots of good people fleeing violence, and they need a friendly welcome when they come to this cold, northern country, not a violent, hate filled assault with a weapon.
Here's a little video of one of the lizards in the boy's menagerie. She has a hot rock in her tank but prefers to view the world from atop a human. And I learned the other day that bearded dragons like to take a flying leap... Sunny on my shoulders in the sunshine on a Sunday morning.
The lizards are the source of the generator quest - and holy fuck!! Those portable little generators aren't exactly efficient! Yes, I saw how much power it took to toast a piece of bread by bicycle, and no, I can't spend twelve hours a day keeping the wee creatures warm, but it WOULD be uber cool to capture the energy expended in all of the miles I pile on day by day, week by week, year after year, and store it in a good battery. I wish I could tap into the sunshine, the wind, the tidal or the water falling off those mountains across the bay. Most of the small generators I found would require a ridiculous amount of petrol just to keep a few lights on twelve hours a day for a week. I am trying to locate a propane model, but what I really, really want in my heart of hearts is something sustainable. After all this time, there has to be something available to me, somewhere, somehow...
La Babbalita - Yes, it seems converting mechanical work into electricity, you always pay a big price in inefficiency. And then if you're using for example a heat lamp, you're doing another conversion (from electricity to heat), which is like, hey wait a minute.
ReplyDeleteIf the final product you're after is simply a hot rock, what about just using friction? (Double entendres not intended, but heartily acknowledged.) I picture a stationary bike, with a stone flywheel (cut out of a granite countertop) and a place to clamp smaller warming rocks in contact with the circular one. Each rock has a recess cut in it of the same arc radius so there's good contact. Pedal pedal pedal until one rock's hot, swap in the next one, however many times, and then at the end the big circular disc rock is plenty hot too, so take that off and use it too. You'll want all the reptiles & rocks in one big cage to conserve heat if possible. Fred Flintstone that shit!
Best piece of advice I took away from all the generator reading last week was: If there's some mechanical task you're trying to do with pedal-power, some machine you want to run, better a purpose-built machine directly driven by the pedals, than an electric one powered by a battery charged by pedals. Hence this wack-ass idea.
Think of that video of the brawny German sprinter trying to toast bread. He wasn't generating electricity. There was a switch that turned on the toaster while he pedaled at 700 watts, and shut it off when his output fell. If his pedals were hooked up to a generator, he'd lose a significant fraction & the toast would never brown. He had enough trouble with that setup, so you can imagine mere mortals (non-Olympians) would suffer even worse.
ReplyDeleteRight??! Bloody hell. Petrochemicals, here I come. It isn't just a hot rock she needs, but a heat lamp. And the leopard and crested geckos each need a specific range of temperatures achieved with various heat and UV spectrum lights. Besides. That wack ass idea thingy would never fit in the room. There's already too many tanks and a teenaged boy, etc.
ReplyDeleteOn Ozzies and bikes:
ReplyDeleteSeveral times these past few months, I have been verbally assaulted by middle aged white men from Oz. One guy deliberately walked across the Burrard St Bridge with his wife, right down the middle of the path and when I dinged my bell and tried to pass he actually picked a fight with me. He was yelling at ME for riding on the bike path. I was an entitled scofflaw bitch, though he had never seen me do anything other than try and overtake him on the bike lane only side of the bridge. His wife was mortified and apologetic, but he was just seeing red. Seriously. He was enraged with me and with all of my fellow cyclists.
And he isn't the only one. Some men actually hate that I am on the road. I represent some sort of threat to them, and I know it can't just be me. It must be the bike that bothers them, but why?? Dunno what was in the kool-aid they drank but I sure am glad I didn't get any.
eat the lizzards
ReplyDeleteI just hope Indian Turturro makes the whole 1000 miles.
ReplyDeleteGratitude for his previous article,this article useful,I hope you can continue to update,and hopefully your blog can be a blog No. 1. once again thank you and good luck..
ReplyDeleteterimakasih atas artikelnya kawan
ReplyDelete