Allow me to direct your attention to the right-hand margin of this very blog, where sponsor State Bicycle Co. will give you $100 off if you've been the victim of a bike theft.
So dry those tears and get shopping, because getting violated by a methamphetamine addict could be the ticket to the fixie of your dreams!
Speaking of violations, further to yesterday's post about the cycling hellscape that is New South Wales, Australia, I'm afraid I inadvertently perpetuated a misquote:
Bicycle NSW said...
It must be noted that Ray Rice, CEO of Bicycle NSW was misquoted in the Sydney Morning Herald. Bicycle NSW has consistently through the Committee process voiced our opposition to the fines and ID proposals.
If you would like a quote from Ray Rice please read our CEO's letter to members for our position.
From that letter:
1/ A massive increase in some cycling fines, to bring them to equivalence with vehicle fines. Let us be very frank on this matter – Bicycle NSW have consistently, both in committee and publicly, voiced our opposition to this measure, and will continue to do so.
2/ Bicycle riders must compulsorily carry photo ID. At Bicycle NSW we recognise that many riders already carry ID. We encourage this.
However, we see that making it mandatory for those over 18 years old to carry photo ID (Drivers Licence or NSW Photo Card) as unnecessary and a possible disincentive for some people to ride.
Given this, I hope Bicycle NSW accepts my sincerest apologies:
That ought to teach me to believe anything I read in an Australian newspaper.
And while we're on the subject, it's worth noting that Australia is clearly in the grip of an insidious Fred cabal:
It's not just the bicycling NSW dicks who are being real dicks about the Draconian new laws in New South Wales, there is also megadick Mark Textor who is a massive Fred and an infamous push polling exponent who has worked for many of the most obnoxious right wing nutjob parties in Australia, the U.K. and Canadia being an ultra dick about it.
He heads the outfit that was pushing for the 1 metre pass law and he heralded the introduction of that law while completely ignoring all the other fascist new laws designed to suppress cycling here. Of course, he had to remain silent because it was cycling's favourite troglodyte, Duncan Gay, who introduced these laws and he comes from the same side of politics as Mark Textor.
Textor is best known to the general public for tweeting that the Indonesian foreign minister resembles a Filipino porn star. Which may sound pretty harmless except this was at a time when he was a senior advisor to since deposed Prime Minister Tony Abbott (who is also a massive dick and Fred) at a time of very tense relations between Australia and Indonesia.
He studiously avoided media exposure until he was ambushed on the grounds of Parliament house in Canberra one time:
We are obviously in big trouble here and we desperately need your help. Let's make a deal, if you help us out we won't highlight the fact that Textor is wearing a Brooks backpack in that video…
Well, at least he's also not wearing a Criterion jacket:
Though I did do a little bit of research, and indeed the guy is a massive Fred with a shitload of bikes:
About 10 are in storage, including some ex-Tour de France Pinarellos, but Textor says the rest are mostly good to go, needing little more than fresh air in the tyres.
Yes, I can't stress this enough: if the air in your tires is more than three days old, MAKE SURE YOU SWAP IT OUT FOR FRESH AIR!
Oh, not only is he a massive Fred, but he's also a Recumbent Fred:
One of his special interest is recumbents – the bike that looks like it's crossed with a La-Z-Boy chair.
"If you've got a long, open ride and you're by yourself, you're bonkers if you didn't ride a recumbent," he says. "You can go all day, and you're fatigued, but you're not hurting. That's why you get hooked on them. They're comfortable and they're bloody fast."
If long rides on an upright bicycle is "bonkers" then I guess that makes me Charles Manson:
Though to maximize the dork factor of your next recumbent ride you should also be sure to wear some smart glasses:
Until now bleeding-edge Freds who want to look at data instead of scenery have had to wear dedicated optical units, but thanks to Garmin's new Varia Vision that clips right onto your current shades you're now one crucial step closer to simply being able to slip a "smart suppository" right up your own ass:
Yes, thanks to Varia Vision you can now keep your focus forward:
Of course, you could have always kept your focus forward, but before now you wouldn't have been inundated by ride data:
And of course precise updates on the ecosystem forming inside your chamois:
It's also great for commuters:
Thanks to "Varia Radar:"
I had to look that one up, and it's basically just a "smart" helmet mirror:
Getting Hit From Behind is Leading Cause of Cycling Fatalities in U.S.²
The threat is real. That’s why getting some extra help knowing what’s sneaking up behind you is an important breakthrough. You already use caution and check over your shoulder, especially before making turns, but Varia radar gives you an important tool by watching behind you even when you aren’t.
Okay, so instead of getting run into a ditch you can now save drivers the trouble and steer yourself into it before they overtake you.
Lastly, Bono continues to have a sense of humor about his horrible bike crash:
Wonder if he'll be wearing smart glasses.