I'm sorry I'm more or less on time today, my Apple Watch was working properly for some reason.

You may recall that last week a cyclist in flip-flops (AND NO HELMENT OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO DIE) took to the highway in Boston, sparking a media furor that raged until the next Donald Trump soundbite:

Well, Esteemed Commenter and Boston Area Correspondent Daddo One informs me that it happened again:

No flip-flops this time, but STILL NO HELMENT--and he was "juggling both his phone and the handlebars" with one hand somehow:

On Friday at noon, an NECN reporter tweeted a video (see below) of a man riding a bike westbound on the Massachusetts Turnpike without a helmet. He stayed close to the edge of the road, riding along the narrow shoulder, juggling both his phone and the handlebars in his right hand.

Which would be an incredible trick, except the video (!) shows quite clearly that no he wasn't:

Just a dude, no helmet, riding his bike on MassPike. Is that a @Hubway rental cycle? @NECN @MassDOT @MassStatePolice pic.twitter.com/rSTQBHDKmZ

— Ally Donnelly (@AllyNECN) August 7, 2015

As you can see here:

This prompted a statement from the President of the World Clown Association:

Who had this to say:

("Bullshit that's juggling!")

Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that Daddo One sent the following message to the "reporter:"

hey there,
I don't think cyclists should be riding bikes on highways.
I'm also wondering why you've now posted two stories about cyclists on highways but haven't posted the "car on bike path" picture I've sent you below.  

if you want a quote, just email me back.

Unsurprisingly, he has not heard back.  See, they're allowed to wander onto our turf but we're not allowed to wander onto theirs.  By the way, I suspect this driver was also juggling, and it was probably some combination of his smartphone and his dangly old man nuts:

("Two testicles and a phone?!?  Now that's juggling!")

Speaking of helments, a Twitterer informs me that Chris Boardman had some wise words on the subject:

“If I go on a long ride I wear one – sometimes out of habit, often on a mountain bike – but I am under no illusion about the effect on my safety. I manufacture the things. In an incident with a car they will have almost no effect.

“They are being used to deflect from making real decisions and I won’t waste air time talking about them. The danger for me is being hit by a vehicle doing something it shouldn’t. We should focus on how we stop accidents not what happens to people who have them.”

He said that cycling around town was a clear winner for health and the environment.

Wow.

Despite the fact that he is a former pro cyclist, Chris Boardman is now my hero.

Meanwhile, Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal has spoken to Jonathan Vaughters about Tom Danielson's positive drug test and the future of the Slipstream team:

Asked if the case pointed to any loopholes in the team’s testing protocols, Vaughters said that the testing program has been modified since the team’s pro-tour launch in 2008. Back then, all Slipstream riders submitted to a battery of internal tests. Recently, with cycling adopting a stronger (though not foolproof) testing program including a biological passport that examines a rider’s biological markers over time, Slipstream has dedicated most of its testing to team riders who are top contenders as well as riders it is considering signing later on.

So they've eased up on their testing since the UCI's program is more thorough now?  Yikes.  That's like not practicing safe sex because the government is releasing more polished PSAs.

Anyway, it sounds like Slipstream will go on, which is of course not at all surprising.  It does seem as though the "clean cycling" thing served its purpose as a marketing campaign by gaining Slipstream a loyal following, and recently they've sort of let it fall by the wayside as they really don't need it anymore--kind of like the pop star who no longer needs to pretend to be a virgin and eases into the "sexually promiscuous" image instead.  That's why they've become more or less indistinguishable from other pro cycling teams, and why their last team launch was so spectacularly cheesy--not to mention downright degrading:

There is a churro umbrella. "Not the strangest thing I've been paid to do," reports the brave lady operating it. pic.twitter.com/W6q90k7kKg

— Bill Strickland (@TrueBS) January 8, 2015

Still surprised they didn't get more crap for that.

I'm also surprised that this particular driver chose to drive into a Starbucks instead of the default Dunkin' Donuts:

Though I'm not surprised that the Post refers to the crash as an "accident" and says that "the car jumped the curb."

Damn sentient, caffeine-deprived cars.

By the way, if you'd like to see video of the "accident," click here.

I'd have embedded it, but the video player doesn't want to work with my blog.

Lastly, remember the "Alcoho-Lock" I mentioned Friday?  You know, the one with the name that sounds like a pop star who's moved into the promiscuous phase?  Well, upon closer inspection, this product appears to be Japanese:


Somehow that makes it all okay.