Monday, August 10, 2015

I'm sorry I'm more or less on time today, my Apple Watch was working properly for some reason.

You may recall that last week a cyclist in flip-flops (AND NO HELMENT OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO DIE) took to the highway in Boston, sparking a media furor that raged until the next Donald Trump soundbite:


Well, Esteemed Commenter and Boston Area Correspondent Daddo One informs me that it happened again:


No flip-flops this time, but STILL NO HELMENT--and he was "juggling both his phone and the handlebars" with one hand somehow:

On Friday at noon, an NECN reporter tweeted a video (see below) of a man riding a bike westbound on the Massachusetts Turnpike without a helmet. He stayed close to the edge of the road, riding along the narrow shoulder, juggling both his phone and the handlebars in his right hand.

Which would be an incredible trick, except the video (!) shows quite clearly that no he wasn't:
As you can see here:


This prompted a statement from the President of the World Clown Association:


Who had this to say:


("Bullshit that's juggling!")

Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that Daddo One sent the following message to the "reporter:"

hey there,
I don't think cyclists should be riding bikes on highways.
I'm also wondering why you've now posted two stories about cyclists on highways but haven't posted the "car on bike path" picture I've sent you below.  

if you want a quote, just email me back.


Unsurprisingly, he has not heard back.  See, they're allowed to wander onto our turf but we're not allowed to wander onto theirs.  By the way, I suspect this driver was also juggling, and it was probably some combination of his smartphone and his dangly old man nuts:


("Two testicles and a phone?!?  Now that's juggling!")

Speaking of helments, a Twitterer informs me that Chris Boardman had some wise words on the subject:


“If I go on a long ride I wear one – sometimes out of habit, often on a mountain bike – but I am under no illusion about the effect on my safety. I manufacture the things. In an incident with a car they will have almost no effect.

“They are being used to deflect from making real decisions and I won’t waste air time talking about them. The danger for me is being hit by a vehicle doing something it shouldn’t. We should focus on how we stop accidents not what happens to people who have them.”

He said that cycling around town was a clear winner for health and the environment.

Wow.

Despite the fact that he is a former pro cyclist, Chris Boardman is now my hero.

Meanwhile, Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal has spoken to Jonathan Vaughters about Tom Danielson's positive drug test and the future of the Slipstream team:


Asked if the case pointed to any loopholes in the team’s testing protocols, Vaughters said that the testing program has been modified since the team’s pro-tour launch in 2008. Back then, all Slipstream riders submitted to a battery of internal tests. Recently, with cycling adopting a stronger (though not foolproof) testing program including a biological passport that examines a rider’s biological markers over time, Slipstream has dedicated most of its testing to team riders who are top contenders as well as riders it is considering signing later on.

So they've eased up on their testing since the UCI's program is more thorough now?  Yikes.  That's like not practicing safe sex because the government is releasing more polished PSAs.

Anyway, it sounds like Slipstream will go on, which is of course not at all surprising.  It does seem as though the "clean cycling" thing served its purpose as a marketing campaign by gaining Slipstream a loyal following, and recently they've sort of let it fall by the wayside as they really don't need it anymore--kind of like the pop star who no longer needs to pretend to be a virgin and eases into the "sexually promiscuous" image instead.  That's why they've become more or less indistinguishable from other pro cycling teams, and why their last team launch was so spectacularly cheesy--not to mention downright degrading:
Still surprised they didn't get more crap for that.

I'm also surprised that this particular driver chose to drive into a Starbucks instead of the default Dunkin' Donuts:


Though I'm not surprised that the Post refers to the crash as an "accident" and says that "the car jumped the curb."

Damn sentient, caffeine-deprived cars.

By the way, if you'd like to see video of the "accident," click here.

I'd have embedded it, but the video player doesn't want to work with my blog.

Lastly, remember the "Alcoho-Lock" I mentioned Friday?  You know, the one with the name that sounds like a pop star who's moved into the promiscuous phase?  Well, upon closer inspection, this product appears to be Japanese:


Somehow that makes it all okay.

84 comments:

Anonymous said...

In b4 Ted

Ted K. said...

53. Crowding, rapid change and the breakdown of communities have been widely recognized as sources of social problems. But we do not believe they are enough to account for the extent of the problems that are seen today.

Anonymous said...

Podio?? Finally??????

Dave - Everywhere said...

Podi-o-do!

Fredder said...

Next time I get in my car I am going to try that. Looks like fun.

Kenny Banya said...

Anonymous lead-out

Anonymous said...

Did that driver just give up? "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL"

JLRB said...

Top ten? Maybe I should get back to work - but now I want a churro

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Wow!! Wotta post!!

Bryan said...

I wonder if Old Man Brooks has cleaned up from the massive party we threw there on Friday yet. I could kind of go for a Churro....

It All in the Details said...

In eyewitness news video of Starbucks attack, notice:

1. Construction or utility worker dressed in safety orange, that the car barely misses.
B. 2 cyclists following crashing car continue on their way without rubber-necking.
III. Lady pedestrian on sidewalk aat right of frame seems to be the most upset witness.

JB said...

LOCK JAWW

ken e. said...

lucky!

Dooth said...

It's raining churros!
Hallelujah!

Bob Patterson said...

Reaction to story about car ramming Starbucks - "Was it MY Starbucks?" pant, pant

P. Bateman said...

happy monday.

was just reading a certain car website and they had a link to this video if you want to see a pro rider blast into the side of a car:

http://deadspin.com/cyclist-pancakes-into-car-in-painful-crash-1723109913

he has broken a variety of bones but it would seem he's going to be okay.

Creamed said...

Churros with cream filling taste great but look repulsive.

dnk said...

To Esteemed Commenter Daddo One:

Excellent follow-uppery with the reporter. I salute you, sir.

Comment deleted said...

P. Bateman -- ouch. That sounded like a bag of fish hitting a wall.

Anonymous said...

Concerning the churro......I think it was just Peyronie's Disease Awareness Week.

Stating the Obvious said...

"...this video if you want to see a pro rider blast into the side of a car:"

As a comment on the site with the video says, the rider approached the hairpin way too fast to turn. If the car was not there to stop him he would have shot off the road and into the woods. No telling if that would have resulted in more of lees bad injuries.

Anonymous said...

Do not click the 1:14 PM lnk.

Roille Figners said...

If your car was gonna decide a place to crash into, really Starbuck's is a better choice than Dunkin's. I mean what will be the Douche Coefficient ( douches / total number of people ) inside a Dunkin's vs. a Starbuck's? I submit without evidence - just a hunch - that any Dunkin's is going to have a lower douche ratio most of the time.

Roille Figners said...

No wait... Douche Quotient

Anonymous said...

About half-way thru the Peyronie article, you find this statement:

"Many oral treatments have been studied, but results so far have been mixed. Some consider the use of non-surgical approaches to be "controversial."

Make of that what you will.

Spokey said...

P. Bateman @ 1:01 PM

thx. i particularly liked that the other car and the following cars just went on by.

of course the motorcycle was priceless.


and that's why i'll never attain woo-hoo speed!

meltyman said...

Now that you don't mention it, it looks like even Boardman has bought into the sentient car thing, with "The danger for me is being hit by a vehicle doing something it shouldn’t." Otoh, he's a good man.

gecko said...

lol @anon 12:33 - it did look that way.

It's really scary how little control the average motorist has over their 4000lb death machine.

People drive like they're trying to win a race, but when some tiny thing goes wrong, all they can do is panic.

bad boy of the north said...

one starbucks down.........ten more sprout up.(on the same block)

McFly said...

When citibike sharing in DC last summer I accidently got onto the turnpike/freeway/death alley over by Arlington.....it did not take me long to see the error of my ways. FYI a citibike is not too shabby off roading in a pinch. I came through some woods into a cross country running team training and said "Skuze me" and immediately they started in on the "OMG where are you from, keep talking please you hick."

Dr Dre said...

LoLing at nonplussed bib shorts in beats!

Wow this guy cant win said...

Clearly needs to just stay at home, uuughhh

Wow and I need to stay off the comments said...

Click here for the link



JLRB said...

Anon @1:14 - why did I click on that link

ANON @1:17 - too late

PB - Nasty wreck - but when I read his injuries "diagnosed with fractures to his ribs, sacrum, and pelvis" I of course read it as "scranus".

Since when was Brammeier an Irish name? said...

This ToU crash will now spawn 800 internet fights over dick brakes and whether they would have done more to stop the out-of-control Irishman. (hint: He wasn't using his brakes, so it wouldn't have mattered)

JLRB said...

SNOB - Ally Donnelly was just retweeting and claims "Retweets are not endorsements." Chickenshiot BS.

She was retweeting this gem
https://twitter.com/KathrynNECN
who has some great "news" coverage of a gaggle of geese crossing the road

JOUR NLSM

Alan Wright said...

Just back from two weeks in Ireland. Incredible bike infrastructure everywhere. Cycles tracks and lanes all over Dublin and other cities. AND, on major highways in urban areas. Lots of cyclists out using. Why not cycletracks alongside major US highways? The goal is to get somewhere - why does it have to be with F****** cars?

Anonymous said...

Brammeier, etc @ 2:39

at about 20 seconds into the video (at least as it appeared on Tilford's blog) his rear wheel lost contact with the road. Presumably he was breaking for this to happen.

And what went flying into the spectators on the outside of the curve after he hit the car? It looks like maybe a water bottle?

Anonymous said...

Anon @2:51 et al

It looks like a water bottle. It seems to go pinwheeling off spraying water over the spectators.

It's not even just his rear wheel coming up, as he passes the spectators on the inside of the corner he comes clear off the ground for a minute. Way, way, way, too fast, even for dik breaks

NHcycler said...

"Though I'm not surprised that the Post refers to the crash as an "accident" and says that "the car jumped the curb."" - WCRM, about a POST reporter

"The danger for me is being hit by a vehicle doing something it shouldn’t." -Chris Boardman

Mr. Boardman also fell into the trap claiming that the vehicles -- not the vehicles' drivers -- are to blame for irresponsible driving.

But I do agree with his overall statement.

1904 Cadardi said...

Automobile manufacturers really ought to start equipping cars with dick breaks and some easy method of activating them such as a pedal mounted in a convenient location directly in front of the operator's feet. That would allow the driver to slow or stop the vehicle at will and put an end to motorists running into coffee shops once and for all.

Anonymous said...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=17&v=WTQiCkdEm14

Here's another, crappy, angle of the crash. He was going to crash whether there was a car there or not.

NHcycler said...

My apologies to meltyman @ 1:41 -- Way ahead of me!

Anonymous said...

Don't apologize NH - LIVE FREE OR DIIEEEEE!!

On another note, it seems Boardman has fallen into the same trap of vehicle anthropomorphism. However his message is commendable.

Anonymous said...

NHcycler, et al.

The vehicle IS doing something it shouldn't. Admittedly, it is being (or NOT being) controlled by a human, also doing something s/he shouldn't as well.

Spokey said...

meltyman, boardman, NHcycler; all wrong

cars are not sentient. however they are all controlled (at least the ones with nav or onstar like stuff) by skynet which / (who?) is sentient as general brewster will attest.

Anonymous said...

re the video referenced at 3:03:

Could cell-phone manufacturers disable video recording if the phone is held vertically? That orientation is really only good for rocket launches.

Michael Knight said...

I drive the Knight Industries Two Thousand (KITT), a heavily modified, technologically advanced Pontiac Firebird Trans Am controlled by a computer with artificial intelligence, and I hate it when the computer crashes and the car drives itself into buildings, pedestrians, and stuff. Luckily, the car is equipped with an extremely durable shell and frame, so it's never damaged when I "run" into the Starbucks for a cup of coffee or DD for a donut.


[[I certify that I am not a robot. Although KITT is very smart, my car cannot make the same claim.]]

please you hick said...

According to the Mayo Clinic, the cause of Peyronie's disease is largely unknown. However, research suggests that the condition may develop after trauma to the penis, such as bending or hitting. This can cause bleeding and subsequent scar tissue buildup.

JLRB said...

the coveted 50

JLRB said...

So, the Japanese version of the video says something like "I hope bicyclists will push their bikes home after drinking alcohol"

Pushing a bike home with one wheel locked up would be a bitch sober let alone after a few too many cocktails

leroy said...

My dog advises that what he and his friends do with a churro umbrella at their book club meetings in the privacy of my living room is nobody's business but theirs.

I told him okay, but I really do feel weird holding it for them while they whack at it like a piñata.

And I don't see why I have to wear the blindfold and get spun around.

Of course, I completely understand why I should wear a helmet in this particular setting.

crosspalms said...

Chris Boardman makes too much sense. Has anyone asked him to check all the pictures of food? He might be a robot.

livingjetlag said...

How much does it cost to have a lady with a churro umbrella follow me around? I don't need a retirement fund as much as I need a churro umbrella lady.

Spokey said...

& 50 <hand claps> for JLRB

just use that portage sling that i think snobbie posted about a couple years ago. if you have had too much, put your buddies biek on the other side so both of you can walk home balanced.

OR just use your phone made of cells to call Uma. Uma will surely blow your lock for you. maybe uma will ride you home. i don't remember whether that was one of her services or not.

DB said...

Back from Dixie.
Gotta say it was very nice. Hot, but nice.
You Southerners are very polite.

babble on said...

I'm sorry, but you're sounding altogether and entirely too Canadian these days, Snobi Wan, what with all of these unsolicited apologies. Have you made an application for permanant residence or something? Will it be Bike Snob, VancouverBC this time next year?

We live atop a rather steep hill over Kits Beach. In the summertime Showboat runs at 8 pm and we were running late to meet a friend before the show. My helmet was recently stolen from my basket at a certain LBS, (who DOES that??) and I couldn't find the spare, either, so I was riding down that steep hill with bare varnished toes in sandals and a bare head, too. My son, who was wearing a helmet, had only just barely finished scolding me for riding without one when we arrived at the beach a few blocks from home. He was longboarding down the hill in his flip flops, so it was a bit of a hypocrite's rant anyway.

My inner helicopter parent felt gulity for a moment but then I got over it. I am so not sorry.

Spokey said...

babs

i thought youse all required gainful employment. or draft dodger creds. i doubt snobbie has the draft dodger status (did he register as still required though?). and the gainful employment thing could be a bit sticky.

Only the Cipo knows said...

Chro Umbrella Babe went on to say the strangest things she ever had to do were during the night she spent with Cipo. But do to having signed a non disclosure agreement she couldn't be any more specific.

Anonymous said...

Babs, LBS = Lesbian Bike Shop?

Furry Plate and Tea Cup said...

Vancouver did have a great one called Rocket Gurrl, but it's closed now.

Anonymous said...

Get down to your local Lesbian Bike Shop, lickety split or you'll get a tongue lashing!

Anonymous said...

Lame

Anonymous said...

Amen. Me too.

Sparrowhawk said...

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-33773868

You've probably seen this but just in case. Keep up the good work :-)

David Pearce said...

Wildcat, you sure you're not made of chopped liver?

Arizona redneck said...

Them yeller devils cain't hold their likker fer shit. . .Bad as Navajos. Their wimmins is sure charmin' though, likker'd up or otherwise.

Marty the Man said...

Back in the day, the agent says to the aspiring actor, "Of course you aren't getting any work, you've got to change your name, Penis Van Lesbian just ain't gonna cut it".

Jeb said...

Sheeeit Arizona, you is just so much multicultral than us trailer trash. We just always end up getting drunk an' fightin' or passing out on the broken couch on the front lawn, an' not getting to mingle with them there foreign folk.

Anonymous said...

Juggling phone on share bike guy is clearly been misdirected by Google maps

endo-king said...

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-33773868

Anonymous said...

JUMP CURB

bubblybrittney said...

That was AMAZING

bubblybrittney said...

That was AMAZING

bubblybrittney said...

That was AMAZING

Anonymous said...

The correct pronunciation is Alcohol-Rock, who edits this site?

Anonymous said...

Bob Ryan is indeed out of touch. Based on his teeth and his clothes (check out The Sports Reporters on ESPN Sunday mornings), I'm not sure he has seen a mirror in the last 30 years.

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