Monday, July 13, 2015

Okay, let's get back to work.

I'm back!


You know, he makes a good point.  Why bother?  It's the year two thousand and something, and an online absence of a week might as well be an eternity.  Sure, I'm easily the World's Greatest Bike Blogger (a distinction akin to being Cleveland's Coolest Recumbent Rider), but even so the Internet has healed up over me, like the genital piercing you haven't worn since college.



Judge if you want, but at least his sinuses are clear.

That's like a carburetor hop-up kit for the schnoz.  The guy must breathe like a wind tunnel.

Maybe if the pro cyclists did this they wouldn't all need "asthma" medication.

But yeah, this blog has become totally irrelevant over the past week, especially now that the cycling world has turned its attention to the Touring of France:


(Warning: The symptoms of "Tour de France Fever" are identical to narcolepsy.)

I have not been paying attention to this year's race.  This has been incredibly easy to do, even with the Internet and Twitter and all the rest of it.  The hard part though is explaining to people why I'm not following it, since "I just don't give a shit" is not a satisfactory answer, and for some reason people want me to go deeper.  Therefore, instead of admitting I'm not following the race because nobody's paying me to do so, I simply pretend I'm following it.  This is far easier, because there is nothing easier than bluffing your way through a conversation about the Tour de France.  Honestly, it's the same goddamn thing every year.  So if you want to shut up that annoying co-worker who insists on talking about Teejay Van Garderen's chances or whatever, here's all you have to say:

--"How 'bout those crashes the first week?"
--"Really looked like Cav was going to go without a stage for awhile there, didn't it?"
--"It's all going to be decided in the mountains."
--"Phil Liggett's brain is slipping like a worn clutch."

This should work at least until Phil Liggett retires, or else is fetched by representatives of his home planet.

And yes, let's hope an American doesn't ever win the Tour de France again (which we don't really have to worry about), because we're singlehandedly responsible for ruining it in the first place.  First we had this guy:



"But Greg LeMond is the voice of truth and justice in cycling!"--Typical Fred.

Oh, save it.  LeMond is an American, and once Americans start rubbing their dicks all over something it's ruined forever.  Here are just a few ways in which LeMond ruined the Tour:

--He introduced aerobars
--He negotiated the first million-dollar contract
--Did I mention he introduced aerobars?!?
--He pioneered the "miraculous" recovery narrative

See, there was always doping in cycling.  However, there wasn't any of the above, all of which is far worse.  Before LeMond, the Tour was romantic.  If you wanted to go faster, you jabbed a needle full of strychnyne into your thigh and you put your head down over your non-aerodynamic bars.   If you won a race, they gave you a goat or a wheel of the local cheese, or maybe the local official married his daughter off to you.  Most importantly, nobody recovered miraculously from anything.  When you got malaria, you just died.

Simple.  Noble.  Beautiful.

But then here comes LeMond, with his big contracts and his equipment weenie-ism, so it only makes sense that before long we'd get a harder, faster, and douchier version:



Did they get the same actor to dub all the voices or what?

Then you get some Federal prosecutor who's like, "Wow, this sport looks easy to fuck with," and then he starts teabagging it, and before you know it the whole thing reeks of America's scranus.

And that's why your local recreational path is besieged by middle-aged Freds on time trial bikes.

Speaking of America, while I was gone we had our birthday, and as usual people made a great big racket and left an even bigger mess for their fellow Americans to clean up.  This means that if you head out for a ride on the morning of July 5th you ride through a lot of this:


Ah, yes.  What better way to celebrate the spirit of our "glorious independence" than detonating a case of explosives and not disposing of it?


Well, you can always augment the simultaneous thrills of pyrotechnics and littering by exercising your freedom of expression:


If you only followed the news you'd think the south had a monopoly on racism.

However, I was inspired to see how many people ride their bicycle to the beach now:


New York City's beaches are experiencing something of a renaissance, thanks largely to the fact that people are realizing just how easy and enjoyable it is to get to them by bicycle, and I reflected fondly on this as I drove home in THE CAR THE BANK OWNS UNTIL I FINISH PAYING THEM BACK with the air conditioner blasting in my face.

Good for them though.

Citi Bike also seems to be flourishing, and over the holiday weekend you could see entire families salmoning on 5th Avenue:


I wanted to stop them and say something like, "Hey, I don't come to your town and flout your stupid laws," but that's completely untrue.  Obviously as a New Yorker I don't take any other place in America or its silly laws even remotely seriously.  However, this itself is a form of politeness, because I'm sure you'd be secretly disappointed if a visiting New Yorker didn't confirm all your stereotypes by being arrogant and condescending--just like we're always dismayed when people from Texas don't say "Howdy, Pardner!" and wear cowboy boots and 10-gallon hats:


("Can y'all tell a feller how to get to HYYYEEEWSTON Street?")

By the way, not only was Jon Voight from Yonkers, but he also drove an '89 LeBaron.

So there you go.

Indeed, Citi Bike is the bike share you love to hate.  Not only do the riders salmon, but the maintenance workers park right in the crosswalk:


It's sights like this that cause "livable streets" advocates to experience a crippling sense of emotional confusion.  On one hand, the driver is helping the bike share.  On the other hand, they're also forcing pedestrians into traffic.  It's like when a staunchly heterosexual man is confronted by a beautiful woman with a penis: he doesn't know whether to wank or cry...so eventually he just does both simultaneously.

And this is only going to get worse now that the Citi Bike workers have joined TWU Local 100:



The workers will receive substantial raises under the agreement announced on Thursday between the union, Transport Workers Union Local 100, and NYC Bike Share, the company that operates Citi Bike. The union represents about 200 bike mechanics, call center agents and other employees of Citi Bike.

You may remember TWU Local 100 as the union bravely fighting for the right to run you over with buses:

So presumably we'll soon be able to add Citi Bike vans to the list.

You know you've made it in New York City when you've got a license to kill.

124 comments:

streepo said...

scranus

Ted K. said...

SURROGATE ACTIVITIES

38. But not every leisured aristocrat becomes bored and demoralized. For example, the emperor Hirohito, instead of sinking into decadent hedonism, devoted himself to marine biology, a field in which he became distinguished. When people do not have to exert themselves to satisfy their physical needs they often set up artificial goals for themselves. In many cases they then pursue these goals with the same energy and emotional involvement that they otherwise would have put into the search for physical necessities. Thus the aristocrats of the Roman Empire had their literary pretensions; many European aristocrats a few centuries ago invested tremendous time and energy in hunting, though they certainly didn’t need the meat; other aristocracies have competed for status through elaborate displays of wealth; and a few aristocrats, like Hirohito, have turned to science.

Anonymous said...

podio?

JLRB said...

all good things must come to an end

Welcome back Ted

Serial Retrogrouch said...

what did io miss?

CommieCanuck said...

Piercing guy looks depressed, he just can't seem to find a job on Wall Street.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten!

JLRB said...

He rode his first race at age 15, among other boys not attached to cycling clubs, and won first prize: 20 lire and a salami sandwich.

CommieCanuck said...

I'm kinda amazed TeeVee is still showing the Touring of France, maybe they will just skip the pharmacology and concentrate on the tourist attractions factoids like the Douchy region, located between the finest artisinal vinegar and pure spring water regions. Plus, I can listen all day to anecdotes about mustard and watch motorcycle crashes. (Idea: race motorcycles town-to-town instead, magnifique!)
We've already had some Cervelo's stolen and a motorcycle crash, so it looks like the traditions still continue dans la belle pays. Townsfolk will dress in traditional biochemistry garb awaiting le results de dopage.*
Meh, still better than the Pan Am games.

*I learned all my French from Pepe Le Pew cartoons.

Spokey said...

well at least top tennis

JLRB said...


Question: Do cyclists take la bomba (amphetamine)?
Answer: Yes, and those who claim otherwise, it's not worth talking to them about cycling.
Question: And you, did you take la bomba?
Answer: Yes. Whenever it was necessary.
Question: And when was it necessary?
Answer: Almost all the time!


So that's what that song is about ... huh - all makes sense now

dop said...

Welcome back wcrm. That wiki article on fausto Coppi is a scream. I stopped before his death because his interview on drug use was so frank:

Coppi was often said to have introduced "modern" methods to cycling, particularly his diet. Gino Bartali established that some of those methods included taking drugs, which were not then against the rules.

Bartali and Coppi appeared on television revues and sang together, Bartali singing about "The drugs you used to take" as he looked at Coppi. Coppi spoke of the subject in a television interview:

Question: Do cyclists take la bomba? (amphetamine)
Answer: Yes, and those who claim otherwise, it's not worth talking to them about cycling.

Question: And you, did you take la bomba?
Answer: Yes. Whenever it was necessary.

Question: And when was it necessary?
Answer: Almost all the time![26][27]

dop said...

JLRB..looks like the same pothole stopped us.

further down, the paragraph on the 'woman in white' & the pope refusing to bless the giro if the adulterous Coppi rode.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Here's a riddle:

Can you guess what a driver in New York State gets for veering into the oncoming traffic lane, hitting a cyclist on the opposing shoulder of the road at 65 MPH, veering back into his lane and continuing on for another 100 yards before crashing into a tree? Oh, let's just say the driver does not have auto insurance at the time of the 'accident', and he wasn't passing any vehicles or have any obstructions to deal with.

I know the answer because I was the cyclist.

Anonymous said...

Wonder what will happen to this SUV driver?

http://gawker.com/cyclist-killed-after-bike-shattered-in-gruesome-suv-cra-1717458138

Willie Iglesias said...

To all the drugs used to take
La Bomba and Pot Belge they make
I'm glad they came along
Back then it wasn't wrong
To use the drugs I used to take

ken e. said...

@serial
glad you're still here! welcome back mr. kotter!

Francisco said...

Last week was rough w/o snob around.

Julio Nelson said...

"To all the drugs *I* used to take," Willie!

STOP SMOKING THE CHRONIC!

Anonymous said...

Morning all. Went for a sunday ride. Then decided to go to grocery. Bike popped off of rack at 60mph on highway. The semi behind me stopped just in time as not to hit it. Got the bike back on rack. Found the rear pack containing cell phone, camera and wallet. The gary fisher monona was NOT DAMAGED. I will never say a bad thing about aluminum frames again. WOW. gears ok. frame straight. wheels true. but the camera was toast. the seat was gone and the grips badly messed. That bike ride cost me $200. Such is life.

GatorJoe said...

NBCSN has jumped the shark...this week they ran a segment combining Le Tour and NASCAR...I wanted to puke.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @ 12:59

You drove to the ride? Your bike had an allergic reaction to being loaded on a car?
Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

In the 20s and read.

I will now go out and buy Snob-endorsed products!

vsk

Spokey said...

wow

snobbie was pretty brutal to greg

betcha greg's sorry he every opened his mouth. sort of like he shot himself in the foot.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:59pm,

You keep your cellphone and wallet on the bike when it's on the roof of your car?!?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Nope was on a hitch rack. Hot day left them there. Never a problem before. Sigh.

cycle

PotbellyJoe said...

Welcome back Snobi Wan,

1. Glad you survived the vacation. I nearly didn't when a neighbor forgot to secure his 6-shot mortar-style fireworks and it turned on its side and began firing explosives at my family. We were all okay, thankfully, but fireworks like fire-fighting should be left to the sober.

2. It's funny how semi-professional professional cycling 'journalists' (the guys who show up to write and talk about it every July) bitch about doping in the peleton, but they have no concept of what doping is. Pretty much every other sport dopes according to UCI rules. Cortisone shots alone are enough for that crap. They turn a blind eye to it in Amercian (real) Football while the guys need to have it shot into their knees so they can smash each other until their brains liquefy and ooze from their earholes, but God-forbid a cyclist do it. It's a double-standard. I blame Tom Simpson.

3. I used to be a delivery driver in NYC, I remeber the first time I did it and my boss said to me, "You have commercial plates, so park anywhere on the street to make your delivery." Now that's a double standard to abuse. And I wasn't even union.

Be safe everyone, and be on guard the NYC Tri is Sunday...

Spokey said...

well

it's warmed up enough to go for a ride.

see youse all later

PotbellyJoe said...

@Anon 1:09... Yeah, I'd still have my wallet and phone in the car. If you get pulled over and have to go back to the bike to get your wallet, the beer might fall out of the door's cupholder.

babble on said...

Oh dear, Mr Retrogrouch, that sounds tres ouch!! When did that go down? And are you alright???!

Oh, and welcome home Snobberdooders. We sure missed you.

Anonymous said...

To Commie Canuck:

Re: The Pan Am Games: You must be in the Hammer. So are we. The Games are so far the city's biggest international spectacle, historically speaking, that no one gives a rat's ass about.

The TdF does still have its merits. There's plenty to caricature yet: https://theesteemedfox.wordpress.com/



Anonymous said...

Not good to leave wallet in car here. Too many break-ins at the parking lots.

cycle

babble on said...

Oh, here's an oldie but a goodie you forgot to mention, Snobi Wan: Ivan Basso, Contador's lieutenant "has just withdrawn from the tour due to testicular cancer."

Damned drugs.

Now where did I put that vapourizer...?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Cycle,

I hear people are carrying their wallets and phones in their pockets now...

--Wildcat Etc.

PS: Yes, I have left my wallet in the car while mountain biking, and yes, it got stolen.

P. Bateman said...

- @retrogrouch - glad you are alive to tell the tale? jesus. that is terrifying. i think once i get this new bike built up i'm just going to sell it and buy a humvee instead.

i'm in new orleans this week and just saw a woman with a penis this morning. i neither wanted to wank or cry. but if i wank later in the hotel and that image pops in my mind then i might be a bit sad.

- watching the replay of yesterday's team time trial. phil just said a rider was dismissed for traces of cocaine? i KNEW it was performance enhancing!

- and you are wrong snob. we're glad you are back at work because we do care. how do you make that heart emoticon? <3

babble on said...

Potbelly Joe, I am sorry, but real football is the game the Whole Wide World agrees is football. (You know, the beautiful game: the only sport more corrupt than cycing.) American football is a bastardized form of rugby.

(ducking and running for cover)

Bryan said...

"It's like when a staunchly heterosexual man is confronted by a beautiful woman with a penis: he doesn't know whether to wank or cry...so eventually he just does both simultaneously." - just...yes. Thank you. There is literally nothing that could top that in my day, except for a beautiful girl with a penis. I declare this day over.

Freddy Murcks said...

It sure is a sad indication of the state of affairs that I read this article (cyclist down) and I take heart from the fact that there was no appearance of the phrase "no criminality suspected" and they also failed to fixate on whether or not the bicyclist was wearing a helment. Progress comes in baby steps, I guess.


JLRB said...

DOP - Yep - just climbed out of that pothole - fascinating stuff.

WCRM - Thanks for the quick guide to lying about giving a shit about the Tour - helpful around the office - of course there is always the "So you ride to work - how do you think you'd do in the tour?" A: You drive to work, how do you think you'd do in the Indy 500? or just: Badly.

AND - I think that one duder could carry his wallet and phone in his nose.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Welcome back Wildcat. Looks like your fatbike goes good in the sand.

BamaPhred said...

Is Le Tour over yet?

Bike racing and nascar, a match made in doping heaven.

The cyclists doped to the max and the DS d
eny all knowledge, ditto for the cars and the crew chiefs DAK.

Ditto for crashes to thin the field out a bit.

So put the cyclists in the drivers seat and paint the cars up in Big Pharma colors.

You got podium girls in both.

You will have some cultural clashes breaking out, but fighting in the stands and infield almost always beats the racing until the last lap.

I like it.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Babble...

I thought of you not long after being hit. Was mainly thinking how strong you must be to get back up after each crash.

It happened the last day of May on a long cycle-camping trip. I was knocked unconscious, and so i have no memory of the crash, woke up in the ambulance. got a concussion, skull fracture, fractured right clavicle, two broken bones in left hand. my bike that i designed and built totalled... lost vacation from work... and worst of all is not being able to ride for a season or two.

driver got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road, and one for driving without insurance.

getting better slowly... left hand required surgery and i have metal in it until end of July.

JLRB said...

Serial Retro - That blows - heal well.

PotbellyJoe said...

Wow Freddy, that article...

Not that PIX is real news, but you're right, no common phrase of impunity to be found. Must be because they hit two cars in the process of murdering the cyclist.

Babs, you're right on the soccer thing, it is more corrupt than any other sport. I won't let my kids play it in our town for the organized clubs. I was asked why once and I responded, "If i wanted my kids to learn how to lie, I'd send them to law school." It went over like a lead balloon. Parents take their living vicariously through their offspring thing way too seriously.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

gracias, JLRB

BamaPhred said...

damn Serial, makes all my aches and pains seem small in comparison. Between you an Babble I'm gonna suck it up and ride this PM anyway. You never know when your next ride will be your last. Take care all

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Bama, exactly... keep riding, and enjoy. i had nothing to do with this crash besides being there to be hit by a ton of speeding metal... there was nothing i could've done to prevent it, which is probably why my brain shut down, as if to say, hey, if this is your last ride, you better be asleep and not see the end.

Grump said...

Two thoughts:

When people ask me about that Tour De Francis, I ask them how Lance is doing.

Talking about miraculous recovery's, has Greg mentioned those "Iron Shots", that he took to pep him up???

Rules are made to be broken.

il Pirata est Mort said...

"Always take your wallet on stage with you."~ Age old credo this musician lives by.

JB said...

Serial Retro: Yikos. It sounds like a civil suit would be in order to cover your medical expenses, et al.

Get well soon.

bieks said...

That guy demonstrates exactly why I don't get piercings. You get so obsessed with them you forget to comb your hair.

My local Walmart had fat bikes on for 1/2 price this weekend. You should have seen the beyond-middle-aged men flocking to them.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Serial Retrogrouch:

Get well soon! I know someone who says he can supply a bag of dog shit you can light on the driver's front porch before ringing the doorbell and skedaddling. Unfortunately, that and a couple of tickets are the extent that asshole has stepped in it.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

JB,

thanks.

You'd think, right. I have learned a lot about how truly the law sucks in protecting pedestrians in NY. no civil suit can be filed if you file a claim with MVAIC (motor vehicle accident indemnification corp)... this company is set up by the legislature for cases of no-insurance or hit-and-run. the MINUTE you file a claim with them, in my case to get my surgery scheduled, you forfeit every other venue to go after driver.

i thought merica was the land of lawsuits where you made money by the suitcaseful... i almost died and my medical bills will barely be paid... all other loses come out of my purse, including paying for attorney to deal with all this.

live and learn! i mean that literally.

leroy said...

Wasn't Jon Voight the guy who rode in 17 TdFs?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

dear leroy, thanks.

i would definitely take that bag of dogshit if the driver's address wasn't a P.O. box. somehow smearing a P.O. box inside a post office isn't the same as throwing it molotov cocktail style at a front porch.

it does make me feel better to know that i can receive a bag of dogshit... i'll ask for it when it is needed.

Fred Clydesdale said...

you left out the taco bell commercials.

bieks said...

Serial Retrogrouch, Jebus, glad you lived to tell the tale. Insane! But since you posed the question, I have to ask, how protected are NY State trees? I guess he could maybe get in trouble for that ...

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Serial Retrogrouch, really sorry to hear this shit happened. Feel better quick!


vsk

Serial Retrogrouch said...

vsk, thanks...

bieks, not only that, but i will be able to ride again... i'd much rather tell riding stories. as for the tree, i heard the diver is sueing it and the owner of the land it was on for damages to his shitty car.

RaphaSucks said...

Ha, the Jon V/LeBaron episode. Just saw it a couple of days ago. classic.
-RaphaSucks

PotbellyJoe said...

@Serial,

I like how MVAIC cases recommend going through your auto insurance policy for a bike crash involving an uninsured motorist.

It just shows how asinine the entire situation is.

I think if your uninsured and nearly kill someone you should have to go into a prison work-release program and work at the minimum wage until the medical bills of the person you injured are fully paid off.

But that's why I'll never get elected and the Kennedys will...

Breaks said...

As bike brands continue to one-up each other with aero-bike design, the Venge ViAS has some bold features, most notably the custom brakes and integrated front end.
Bike brands have tried a few approaches to minimizing drag from the brakes. Some have tucked the calipers inside the fork legs, some have nestled an integrated design into the front of the fork, while others have tucked the rear brake behind the bottom brake or snugged it up as close to the seatstays as possible. Specialized had built the front brake into a fairing of sorts, with huge arms trailing horizontally off the fork legs. The rear is built into the center of the seat tube, pivoting on two posts.

DB said...

Welcome back Wildcat. Missed you.
I thought Basso retired. Who knew?

Anonymous said...

Serial - i too had a broken clavicle from cycling accident. Not pleasant. The morphine they give you in the ER eventually wears off.

cycle

babble on said...

Oh. My. God. I am so sorry you suffered such a terrible fate, my dear Grouch. That's whatchacall a lifechanging event, and even once you have recovered, it will forever live on in your body's memory.

Thank you for your empathy, sweet man. It's not bravery, nor anything so noble as all that. I have no choice but to get back up and on my bikes after accidents, because I have exceptionally limited mobility. They really are my wheelchair (as per our discussion over the weekend) but it's more than just that. It's Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which has made me such a mutard, and it's painful. Some days it's excruciating. I am literally falling apart, and pain has this interesting way of wreaking havoc on the brain. I can't run (I can only walk a limited number of steps every day) and so my bikes are also - quite literally - my happy place: dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, etc, are all crucial to managing the ups and downs of chronic pain and concomitant PTSD. Plus, strong muscles support weak joints. Well, it's complicated, but suffice to say that I get back on the bike every time because I have come close enough to the other side often enough (clonic tonic seizures triggered by pain) now to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that life is truly a gift. Every day above ground is a good day, and bikes truly make my crazy life liveable. Best of all? They disguise my disability splendidly.

And it's funny, cause no matter how cruel a mistress cycling may be, it's still a beautiful experience and something I miss fiercely when I am forced off as I am today with yet ANOTHER fucking fracture. I will switch my shifter on the Electra from the right to the left hand and be back on that bike at least for the rest of the summer, but I am totally gutted cause BC's Superweek has just begun and yet again I am sidelined for the rest of the racing season. Strangely enough, my last two incidents had nothing to do with racing, and yet people who don't know about the EDS (and many of those who do) are always quick to judge, to tell me that really I should stop riding those dangerous damned bikes already. That I really should get with the program and drive a car. But if you look at the risks associated with riding bikes v driving cars, the latter is far, far more dangerous. And given how many miles I ride, in all kinds of conditions, and in my condition, I do alright, thanks, all things considered. I just wish our world suppored cyclists the way it supports, subsidizes and INDEMNIFIES motorists.

I expect that you will have a few challenges in front of you, doll, at least in terms of finding your confidence and having even a modicum of trust in your fellow human beings. Please feel free to contact me if ever you want to chat. I dearly hope that you continue to ride for life, love and the pursuit of happiness. You deserve to find joy in the saddle, Mr Retrogrouch, and you deserve justice, too, for your accident and injury. It's time we held our lawmakers accountable, but that's a whole nother discussion, and a big one...

big kiss X

dop said...

Breaks- I don't think I'm being held back by the aerodynamic drag of my brakes, but I'm glad (nonplussed)that such a remedy is available for those who are.

Notorious SRG: Dayem. Glad you recovered.

Flyover BC said...

So, Le Tour Fevre is the same as narcolepsy. I guess that explains why I took a nap Saturday morning while I was watching le Tour, after two cups of french roast.

I missed all of the middle of the race. But as a Historic Preservation Specialist, I did enjoy the loosely disguised infommercials, which showed the most picturesque of the churchs, chateaus, and stained glass windows.

Hail Brittanya.

CommieCanuck said...

Yeah, pics from this weekend show the throngs of Pan Am crowds in the upper tens.
Canada is cleaning up in our forte, Synchronized Swimming by French girls named Chantal. IN YER FACE Aruba, Suriname and US (Virgin Islands). We basically kick ass against Sandals resorts.

CommieCanuck said...

babble, fuck it, lease a Hyundai and some bubble wrap.

babble on said...

Lol!! Ok, Commie, but only if you're driving. I will drink and text for both of us.

Um, did you miss it? The Canadian girls are kicking ass in the mountainbiking events. Which is no small feat. Um, and the Brazilian cycling team was escorted off of the Don Valley Parkway cause they figured the HOV lane looked like a good place to train.

babble on said...

... and that's babblewrap.

dop said...

'my last two incidents had nothing to do with racing'

Hell, Floyd Landis fractured his hip pedaling home from the gym. And he's a professional. I worry what can happen when I brush my teeth, but you can't live in rubber bumpers.

babble on said...

Actually, only one of my injuries to date has had anything to do with racing.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

damn, babs! all i can say is, i'm happy you are a cyclist, and that bicycles can afford you a modicum of mobility and happiness. my pain started to dissipate two weeks after crash, and i stopped taking painkillers for how awful they made me feel.

the pain is more in the neck, figuratively... since i lost use of right arm and left hand, there were very few things i could do... my right arm is healing fast so i'm half good now.

skull fracture has left me feeling dizzy everytime i get up quickly.

but like you, i'm dying to get back on the bike... planning my first ride after they remove the metal from my hand... i will be the stoker on my tandem... captained by the man who was riding mere feet behind me when the vehicle struck. luckily he was unharmed.

CommieCanuck said...

Surprisingly, not a lot of mountain biking competition from St. Lucia and the Cayman Islands. Those countries did get the gold in money laundering.

To be fair, the Brazilians were riding on the shoulder, and if 8 or 10 Brazilians got killed, you know the response from Rob Ford would be, "so how many exactly is a brazilian?"

Here's the male road race team leader from the Virgin Islands. Beefy.

bikesgonewild said...

...@serial retrogrouch --- after my overzealous re-incursion to the ranks over the weekend, I had fully intended to cool my jets for a few days but a quick perusal through the mornings comments led me to your posting...

...i'm glad you're alive, bud & send much condolence your way for the state you were left in...

...it's hard to fathom this situation...an innocent human being like yourself, already victimized by essentially a physical assault based on incompetence, particularly involving a motor vehicle & an unprotected human only to then be further victimized by a legal structure designed to protect "the innocent", a clown with no insurance...

...that is an exceedingly stupid & fucked up law & while it's exposed as such in a situation like this, I doubt it amounts to the slightest passing concern to whoever sponsored it...

...on top of that, the psychology that goes with physically healing & getting healthy after a major trauma is impaired whilst dealing with the legal bullshit, when it basically seems that those who should be protecting your rights don't give a shit...

...I only hope that there is light at the end of your tunnel, my friend...best thoughts to you...

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
crosspalms said...

Serial, that's horrible. Glad you survived and will ride again. And the asshole got away with a couple of tickets? Unbelievable. Or too believable.

babble on said...

Oh thank goodness, Grouch. Good for you for getting back in the saddle. Um, and you might be happy to hear that learning how to do a whole bunch of things with your left hand is creating new neural pathways in your brain. It's like going to the gym for six months, only for your brain instead of your body.

RANTWICK said...

"It's like when a staunchly heterosexual man is confronted by a beautiful woman with a penis: he doesn't know whether to wank or cry...so eventually he just does both simultaneously." I missed you snob. To all those recovering from or living with pain in this comment section (SRG, Babble) all I can say is wow. You're way tougher than me and way less whiney.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

crosspalms... thanks.

bikegonewild... thanks for taking the time to chime in... i really could not have put it better than that. from how well you understand this situation, it makes me think you are too familiar with it not to have gone through it. i hope it's not the case.

there were many insults added to injury... biggest for me being losing my bike w/o compensation (did i mention i built it myself, hence why it mattered to me), and not being able to schedule my needed surgery because of the red tape... add to that that i had to take care of a human child while practically paraplegic... well, you already seem to know that all you need after being broken is rest, which i could not find.

but no worries... am not bitter. i've moved on... planning rides, planning to make another bike... and healing. like babbs said, every day above ground is a good day (unfortunately, i'm spending lots of time underground commuting.

see you all tomorrow... going to get tortured in physical therapy now.

Comment deleted said...

Damn, Grouch. I can't add much to the eloquent chorus except that I'm glad you're alive and will ride again. Heal easy.

Freddy Murcks said...

The story is updated. NO CRIMINALITY SUSPECTED

bad boy of the north said...

wow,ms.babs and now serial.plus the number of others here that have been injured as of late....may all heal with quick dispatch.i write here with much sympathy for you.

bad boy of the north said...

welcome back,bsnyc

dnk said...

shit, Serial RG and Babs, best wishes to you both.

Serial Retrogrouch, I also lament the lack of law enforcement.

For those in the NYC environs, tomorrow Transportation Alternatives sponsors a "Vigil for Vision Zero" at Union Square. That's Tuesday (July 14) at 7 p.m.

https://transalt.org

High Plains Shifter said...

While I don't fault you for not covering the TDF, I think you owe it to the world of cycling to comment on Greipel's meteoric rise to the highest levels of German hip hop culture.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBr-gamddds

Dooth said...

Serial Retrogouch, get well soon. I'm a mellow, peace-loving man, but the details your "accident" made my blood boil; my guts churned when reading about it. I'm tasting bile. Not bad, a bit bitter. Should pair well with whiskey.

JLRB said...

Dirty Deeds

Note to self - do not work for meth heads

JLRB said...

failure to yield a misdemeanor if the driver injures or kills a pedestrian or cyclist who has the right of way

woopdefuggindo - a misdemeanor for a life?

And the article does have the classic "hit by an SUV" ...

It's a bad world

Spokey said...

JB

gots to change the avatar to nose boy.

Your current green hair guy was just a drunk was he not (we really need a permuted index to wildcat posts).

Noseboy will advance your karma

JLRB said...

my pointless post was responding the FM@ 4:40

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Grouch, the greatest fear, what's going on behind me. I am embarrassed by what happened to you, I don't know why. It embarrassing to belong to a society that limits restitution to anyone mauled simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I was thinking of Snobby this morning, when I read the headline ' Boat gets grounded on sandbar " instead of reading ' dumbass drives his own boat onto sandbar". As the Snob says, they filter responsibility out of every 'accident'.

it was an accident that Grouch was riding leagally and got wiped uot by some dumbass driving the wrong way without insurance. it was an accident.

JLRB said...

Lowline not sure if this is the same one previously ridiculed by the proprietor here ...

dop said...

If it makes anyone feel better about our legal system, I accepted a $15,000 settlement from the owners of the cab I ran into while I was riding on the sidewalk.

PotbellyJoe said...

I think we should stop using the word "accident" when it involves anyone in an altered state, without a license, or without insurance (why do you think they can't afford insurance?) and start calling them "Inevitables."

That way the legal system can do it's job and the media will finally have to report that there are in fact idiots among us how invariably will do stupid thing that will put us all at risk. It is not coincidence, but actually just their string of luck running out and someone else having to pay for their mistake with their cash, blood or worse.

Since accidents by definition can't be premeditated actions that put people at risk, it has to be a different word than accident when someone drinks and gets behind the wheel, or is speeding and drives through a crowd when they couldn't stop in time, or has no license and feel like they can drive on public roads.

Vision Zero has as much power as politicians have spine.

/rant

Roille Figners said...

Shooting explosives around... hey if you want to recreate a war zone that's great for ya, but I know an organization that supplies an even more realistic experience and would be happy to put all that youthful energy to use! See me for details!

Well Serial's incident is depressing as shit. Sir I hereby publicly retract & regret all smart-aleckry sent carelessly in your direction. It was never meant seriously anyway, though I still felt bad about it and now all the more so.

And then this shit in Brooklyn. Fuck it, I'm leasing...

...an apartment in fucking Germany.

This holds out some hope: A PAC to raise money to defeat politicians who are traffic fatality apologists. link

The Lowline! Does it come with long-legged girls staring vapidly?

PotbellyJoe said...

Also, auto correct make hwo into how but not who.

Comment deleted said...

It must be happening every few minutes, ffs:

http://www.sacbee.com/news/local/crime/article27089194.html

At least, "charges are pending"; but also, "The CHP said the victims were not wearing bicycle helmets."

This sentence alone allows car drivers to subconsciously feel that the bicyclist deserved it, a little bit.

Comment deleted said...

Oh, and bloody fucking 100.

Comment deleted said...

Clickable URL (I must be slipping).

Anonymous said...

If you don't know what's happened in that French bike race, this guy sums it up nicely...

https://cyclingmemes.wordpress.com/

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yeah it sucks. I hate having to come on here and make get well comments to fellow commentators all the time when they get hit by cars. Best wishes for your recovery grouch and I admire your tenacity and positive outlook.

Horseshoes Up My Ass said...

I rode a bike today and I did not get hit by a car, fall off and die, get yelled at, break bones or even get slashed at by a machete, am I the rule or the exception?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

dooth, comment deleted, rct, et al, thanks.

my blood boils and i also taste bile when i see or hear of a fellow cyclist fallen to a careless driver. i hope there's something to be learned collectively from all our experiences.

i will raise a glass of whisky to all the comrades... as soon as i physically can.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Roille Figners,

good thing i have no recollection of any of your smart-alecky comments intended for me... i hope they were funny. and you can consider it water under the bridge.

thanks for the well wishes.

Holy Roller said...

Sometimes I wonder, if Jesus owned a pitbull, what type of collar would he buy for it? Would it be the one with the studs, or the one with the choker chain, or even a custom one with crafted artisinal thorns? Would the son of God have a dog? I need to pray.

Anonymous said...

My local recreational path is besieged by joggers who wait until you're about to pass them and then abruptly stop and turn around into your path. They like to do this while wearing headphones.

David Pearce said...

Dear Snob,

In your picture titled "Lads' End", the possessive is wrong. It should be "Lad's" End (because there is only one "Lad" shown in the photo).

Also, there is a weird cloud, square-looking, but almost invisible, to the left of the "L" in Lads'.

David Pearce,
Washington, D.C.

P.S. Hope you enjoyed seeing the Hermione for our birthday.

P.P.S. This is why you shouldn't take vacations: Your grammatical skills go write out the window, and it takes you the whole first week back to recover.

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Ryan Kelley said...

Seeing the quality of your first blog was in a long time makes me think you shouldn't write every day.

I will follow you no matter what pace you take.

Reading today was a psychedelic experience; it spoke to me about the state of the internet world and the close connection between you and the audience.

Until the beautiful woman with a penis. That was when I realized your blog was from a place mentioned in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I don't remember where it was. It was out there.

McFly said...

Nice Caitlyn Jenner reference hoss. Way to ease her into your daily routine.

Alan Marshall said...

You said Jon Voigt owned an 1989 Lebaron.......WRONG......THAT WAS JOHN VOIGT THE DENTIST......! NOT THE ACTOR !

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regarding wanking and crying at the same time, the Swedes actually have a word for just that- "gråtrunka".

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