Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Sir Amorous Whimsy, or: The Disappointed Macaroni. A Poetical Tale.

Firstly, with regard to this guy:


Commenter "DB" asked the following:

DB said...

Hey, Snob:
Who's our new friend promoting the lox?
I don't recognize him.
What's his back story?

June 15, 2015 at 11:57 AM

Glad you asked.  See, I found him on the Cipollini Bike Academy website, where he lay broken, naked, and afraid under the prone and pumping figure of Mario Cipollini himself:


("I feel so dirty."--Our new friend)

So I took him home:


Cleaned him up:


And introduced him to the gang:


(From left to right: Nonplussed Bib Shorts Guy, my daughter Chainstay, my wife Cleopatra, my son Chaintooth, me, Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy, and Cipollini Victim Guy)

We all live together in a poorly-constructed house in the far exurbs with a subprime mortgage (balloon payment due imminently) and no train service to the city, though it's all worth it because we do have a garage so when we get home from Costco we can bring our groceries right from our leased crossover vehicle to the kitchen.

(A staple in our household.)

Hey, they're gluten fee:


That makes them healthy you know.

Speaking of Cipollini, you might think that after his retirement cycling would have "classed it up" a bit as far as male chauvinism goes, but you'd be wrong:
Embarrassing.

If I were in charge of the UCI the very first thing I'd do is institute a law banning "podium girls" from all men's races and replacing them with "podium guys," all of whom would have to meet the following criteria:

--Must be clad only in g-string;
--Must tongue-kiss the winner as well as the second- and third-place finishers;
--Must have participated in at least one (1) Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Contest.

That would put an end to this sort of thing once and for all:


And instead we'd get to watch these doper-douches writhe and squirm as they get "Frenched" by some exhibitionist with a preternaturally small wang.

As for the the women's races, I'd form a committee of Portlanders who would be tasked with re-thinking what the podium ceremony should be, and I suspect it would wind up looking something like this:


Basically the entire peloton forms a Circle of Love around the winner, who sings songs of thanks to Gaia the Earth Goddess for her victory.

Granted, as UCI President I realize this is still professional sports, and that even the most progressive podium ceremony needs to be "sexed up" a bit if there's going to be any hope of attracting spectators.  No problemo:


Done, and done.

Now look at his smoldering expression and tell me that's not sexy.

Then my final act as UCI President would be to allow recumbents, just to spite everybody.

While we're on the subject of Portland, let's move away from the world of crabon and on to its antimatter, which is of course leather.  You may recall a Portland artisanal concern by the name of "Walnut Studiolo"--the company which brought you the leather bike handle:


Incredibly they raised like $20,000 for this thing, even though leather straps are for horses and a bike itself is essentially its own handle:

(See, that's how it's done.)

Anyway, in addition to the bike handle Walnut offers a whole line of overwrought and redundant leather beverage-portaging accessories:


Hey, I love riding bikes, and I also love drinking adult beverages, but do you really need two leather six-pack carriers?  "Hey guys, I brought the beer:"


"Just give me a few minutes to transfer the contents of this six-pack from my under-the-top-tube carrier to this hand-held beer harness:"


Who the hell has that kind of time?

And that's not all, because Walnut Studiolo want you to know that they're now offering an adjustable water bottle cage:


Because if you've ever used a water bottle cage--perhaps the simplest and most useful cycling accessory there is--the one thing I guarantee you never said to yourself was, "If only I had to open and close two tiny belts first:"


The idea here though is that you can carry differently-sized drinking vessels on your downtube:


Because this is Portland, where people drink out of fucking jars:


And where you never know when you're going to want to ride a road bike while carrying a $50 bottle of Scotch:


I happen to love Scotch, but I have never, ever experienced a moment in which I was frustrated because I could not carry an entire bottle of it in my water bottle cage.

Sure, you could say that's because I'm not having enough fun in my life, but I prefer to think it's because I live on the planet Earth, where most of us simply don't have time to harness everything we drink in artisanal leatherwork like we're Victorian stable boys dressing horses--which I suppose would explain the hat:


In any case, the upshot of this is that Walnut needs a laser engraving machine so that on top of all this you can have one of these things with your name on it:


Which is necessary in a city where the typical cyclist is laden with more leather accessories than Rob Halford.

Lastly, you can now add "dedicated bikepacking bike" to your list of bicycle marketing niches:


Even though people have been “bikepacking” as far back as the late 1800’s, the idea of a bikepacking category of bicycle is still fairly new. Typically built to allow for massive amounts of on-bike storage for all of your camping needs, the bikes also usually include clearance for bigger tires, comfortable positioning, and fairly rugged (read durable) frames and forks.

So an Ultra-Fredified Rivendell basically.

Got it.

126 comments:

Ted K. said...

27. We argue that a very important and influential segment of the modern left is oversocialized and that their oversocialization is of great importance in determining the direction of modern leftism. Leftists of the oversocialized type tend to be intellectuals or members of the upper-middle class. Notice that university intellectuals [3] constitute the most highly socialized segment of our society and also the most left-wing segment.

Note 3. (Paragraph 27) Not necessarily including specialists in engineering or the “hard” sciences.

Chad Ford said...

Podunk!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No comment.

Anonymous said...

me

cycle

Spokey said...

fiver

fooled me by posting the same pic

wle said...

i need one of those byxee things that beeps or something when i am about to hit a car door or pothole..

wle

Anonymous said...

je suis dans le premier dix

wle said...

it lets you pay attention to your smarting phone while riding amongst pot holes and car doors.. also glass and sewer grates too, i think........

probably autofellates whatever bluetooth locker/annoyer you have too..

wle

Anonymous said...

28. I refer you to nonplussed bib guy.

Spokey said...

so

i take it that recumbabe is no longer one of the gang?

and i have it on good authority* that uma, et. al. are under intense counseling.





* that being super investigative reporter spokester

ken e. said...

always sucked at sprinting...

Freddy Murcks said...

I have a bit of disgust/hate relationship with the bulk of humanity. Artisanal leather bike straps make me want to hurt someone, preferably the makers and buyers of said artisanal leather bike straps.

Anonymous said...

I never rode a fixie; several single speeds though since the fixie craze and they are my primary bikes today, but i really miss the supposed early mentality of going back to simple "clean" bikes, at least for some easy fair weather riding. Now bikes are looking like Goldwing motorcycles, yuck...

babble on said...

I feel so dirty! Will you take me home, too?

Fred Nifacent said...

I like the family photo, but no Bret? Is he the red headed stepchild?

Freddy Murcks said...

Babble - I am reasonably certain that there are more than a few dudes here who would gladly take you up on that.

John watson said...

duder!

You are an idiot. That carbon fiber shredder bike is so rad and I am standing here with my red headed peckerwood in my hand stoked beyond belief.

ubercurmudgeon said...

Isn't “bikepacking” just pretentious for touring?

clyde said...

Top 20 -----

We used to Call Them Touring Bikes said...

So the "dedicated bikepacking bike". I'm not seeing any easy way to attach racks. So I guess "built to allow for massive amounts of on-bike storage for all of your camping needs" means you have to wear a massive backpack.

dop said...

A pre-father's day century: my father , seen lower left, born June 16, 1915.

leroy said...

Wait, a growler leash is a real thing?

Looks like I owe someone an apology.

Spokey said...

And where you never know when you're going to want to ride a road bike while carrying a $50 bottle of Scotch:

hmmm. i do that. perhaps more frequently than i should.

Anonymous said...

Is that a thing in other parts of the country, do you need to leash your growler, I just sit mine on the counter and share with friends. I have never had one try to run away.

Spokey said...

not in the cage though. usually in the trunk bag

wishiwasmerckx said...

Because I have a hipster-aged daughter, I am possessed of a lovely leather over-the-top-tube six-pack carrier I received as a Father's Day gift. It has never been used because: 1) I finally stopped going on the Critical Mass rides in my town; 2) the number one rule of cycling is "keep the bike between you and the ground," and I never saw how drinking whilst riding would help in that quest; and 3) one could never live down getting a DUI whilst cycling. You would be everybody's jailhouse bitch FOR SURE.

JLRB said...

Ted K - since you came in first you get to be the first to get ""Frenched" by some exhibitionist with a preternaturally small wang."

Congrats!

Matt said...

"Hey guys, I brought the warm artisanal lightstruck shaken beer!" It's going to look like a fucking champagne bottle when they open one of those bottles.

Lindsay said...

But where will I carry my banana? Maybe in this $70 banana holder. https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/175222880/banana-holder-brown

Matt said...

I've got hipster-aged daughter who also gave me six pack carrier thing and I also have never used it. I can imagine hitting a bump and the strong leather hangs on just fine while the cardboard six pack thing rips and dumps half a dozen bottles of Extra Spexial Dry Humped IPA in a blizzard of foam and glass into the road where II slices open my rear tire. I'd end up lapping that shit out of the gutter.

JLRB said...

Bikepacking is when you have to pack your travel bike into a bag after uncoupling the couplers shown here somewhere

Is that stupid bikepack bike crabon?

sTONEdEADLAND said...

goddam portlandia greenhorns - 6 pack? meh.

12 packs of Sierra bungied to front & rear racks of Surly "dedicated bikepacking bike"- now you're logging!

Or better still, 30 packs (not Sierra, I wish) in both hard bags on the Road King.

that's how we roll in non-Portland ORYGUN

Spokey said...

We used to Call Them Touring Bikes

I also only see one cage. maybe there's one on the down tube I can't see. Even that might not be enough. My brother and I carry a water jug (on a rear rack) in places like eastern oregon or idaho in addition to 3 water bottles.

Also has 24 spokes on the rear wheel. good luck. My light touring bike has 36. My heavy duty real touring bike has 48.

maybe cipo can go over those western mountains with 50-60 lbs of gear on one front ring but i'll stick with my three and 19 or so gear inches. but like babs, i really really suck going up hill. i only average suck going downhill.

DB said...

Thanks, Snob, and Welcome Cippolini Victim Guy!

Bryan said...

Back on the East Coast! (East coast best coast, west coast least coast).
In regard to the Salsa, Trek has been making their offroad touring/backpacking 29er for awhile. Apart from the Great Divide race, or whatever it is officially called (all my muddled brain can remember) I don't know I see the use of it other than a cool rugged touring bike.

bieks said...

Spokey 1:07 - he only gets to meet recumbabe after the mandatory 3 month probation period where he gets deprogrammed from Cipo-style. Then, he'll get to meet Lone Wolf, and also Bret, unless he time travels in early.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Welcome Cippolini Victim Guy! Will there be a party? I'll bring the beer, has anyone seen my growler leash?

Anonymous said...

Am i the only person who keeps a couple toe straps wrapped around the seat rails just for unplanned cargo? Now i gotta buy a special thingamajig, or doohicky to do the same shit?

Billy said...

Where are my bike-packing panniers supposed to go on that bike? I'm so confused.

Wait, now I'm less confused. I used google to bing for images of "bikepacking" and is different from touring. All the bikes have stuff in a frame bag, seat-post rack, or handlebar mount, like this bike-packing setup. Seems awkward, oddly balanced, and like not enough space for all my crap.

P. Bateman said...

what's wrong with podium babes? they look lovely.

meanwhile, in Florida... yesterday it was a racoon riding a 'gator. now a turtle riding another turtle....but this time we know where they are going.

to Pound Town.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/dc5bxuw1lzi02ge/yurtle%20the%20boning%20turtle%20zoom%20and%20enhance.jpg?dl=0


Spokey said...

anon @ 205

doesn't seem as useful as a handlebar bag or trunk bag.

youcancallmeAl said...

Lol! I love it. While you are noting the addition of yet one more idiotic fractionalization of the bicycle, Guitar Fred (er Ted)my favourite proponent of it all is waxing ever enthusiasticly
about yet one more variation of something as simple as a two wheeled conveyance! http://g-tedproductions.blogspot.ca/

Future Son of Puzzlemaster said...

"Dad, you never did tell me the story behind my artesanal leather crib. Yes, the one with my name branded on the front. What's the story with that thing? It gave me nightmares. I think it was the musky cowhide."

"Funny you should ask--I had that made for you with my $500 prize booty from winning a contest."

"What was the contest?"

"...."

dop said...

The frame bag is a non starter, doomed to touch one's knees just enough to be annoying

Anonymous said...

I think maybe the bikepacking thing is a "mountain bieking" setup, not a road-riding touring setup. I don't know how enjoyable mountain bieking would be with that setup.

Bonus points for biek-geeking out.

BamaPhred said...

Mother Nature Gaia Earth looks a lot like a bearded hipster guy, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Spokey said...

dop

forget the knees. where the hell do you put the water bottles?

Spokey said...

dop

forget the knees. where the hell do you put the water bottles?

Spokey said...

why is robot making me stutter?

Toby said...

Something is fishy about the rear brake lever on that dedicated bikepacking bike.

grog said...

Spokey said...
i take it that Recumbabe is no longer one of the gang?

I conclude Recumbabe's resemblance to Cleopatra is not a coincidence, that they are one and the same. Nice collection of family and friends.

Anonymous said...

Well, the trunk bag is for planned commutes. I keep a bungee net in there for extra stuff, but i like to take the bag off for my more fred-like rides or for bar-hopping. But trust me when i get that call from the old lady asking for emergency TP on the way home, or a 12-pack for my post-ride recovery, a couple toe straps to a rear rack can get you by...

McFly said...

Damn son you got 2 moderately hot wives there. Way to take a page out of Warren Jeffs playbook. I imagine Bret couldn't make the family photo because he was on a condom run.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Vintage bikepackingcycle = RANDANOOAH !! As we say in Brooklynese.

And not "O ya, we're from like Brooklyn ya"...
"Oh-we-just-moved-here-two-months-ago-from-Ohituckyvania"
Not that kind of Brooklynese.

Now gonna try for podium on the new BabbleGram!

vsk

Anonymous said...

The bike packing concept makes less sense here in the Atlantic Northeast. I know there are plenty of places you could drive to to use the system, but riding out the front door with a bunch of shit seems best accomplished on a touring bike in these parts.

Anonymous said...

BKPK TICK

JB said...

Top shelf stuff today, Snob. Bravo sir.

Regular guy said...

Why did you not introduce Loxman to the Recumbabe? I think they would hit it off.

And what's not classy about that podium? It has something for everyone.

dnk said...

Lindsay @1:42 ---

Quiz question #7:
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2014/03/bsnyc-gluten-free-friday-fun-quiz.html

Giberto Nippleroni said...

Seatpost-mounted and frame bags must be the new thangs for bike-packing--http://wearegoingawol.tumblr.com/# - scroll down a bit

Anonymous said...

There is a new Primal Gear in town and his name is Attaquer. attaquercycling.com Like primal except double the price.

Spokey said...

Anonymous @ 2:43 PM

here in snobbie's crotch (or potbelly joe's nose) is what we think light bike packing is. leaving for Florida out my front door. light as in we we buying our meals instead of lugging stoves, food, etc.

Schisthead said...

So years ago Surly puts out the Troll, and then the Ogre as bike packing frames.

They seemed sensible before the idiocy shown today... now they look AMAZING.

PotbellyJoe said...

I'm still trying to figure out why a run-of-the-mill hardtail can't be used for bikepacking. Maybe it's because i don't know what bikepacking is. Is it like glamping, but more artisanal?

I went riding on a dirt path the other day with my 1993 Rockhopper (full rigid) and semi-slick tires. When I finished my ride Mike Sinyard was waiting at my car with a few lawyers. Apparently I was violating the terms of purchase or something.

I have 26x1.5" slicks, 26x1.9 semi-slicks and then knobbies in 1.85, 2.1 and 2.35 that I rotate for my 26" bikes depending on what I am riding on. It was weird to ride the semi-slick with only 35 psi in them after being on my 100 psi 25c road bike tires for the past two months.

Maybe my plethora of tires is what is keeping me from owning more than 4 bikes. Who needs a gravle bike when a rigid flat-bar with gravel-esque tries works?

Maybe I'll put drop-bars on my Rockhopper and use it for bikepacking.

Jillian Berman said...

uhhh... wishiwasmerckx daughter here, came to his favorite blog to figure out what to get him for father's day only to find him shitting on a previous Christmas present. Parenting books for all.

JLRB said...

Jillian = Awesome

wishiwasbusted = you let family members know about this place?

leroy said...

Jillian -- you can't go wrong with a bsnyc cycling cap from Walz.

I wear mine under my helmet on the subway and people always move away to give me a seat.

Or you could give him a gift certificate; they're just like cash only limited.

JLRB said...

Leroy - Are helments required on the subway?

Ted K. said...

Ted K - since you came in first you get to be the first to get ""Frenched" by some exhibitionist with a preternaturally small wang."

Now, is that small part supposed to make it better or worse?

Not that there is etc…

Bryan said...

Since when did they allow respectable people in here? I thought they carefully screened us all and only let the truly deprived in.

youcancallmeAl said...

who says the less fortunate (aka deprived) can't be respectable??

ken e. said...

like my belly tattoo says, "depraved", or maybe the r is silent as we approach peak attitude amongst the road biking douches. (um, generalizing, OK?)

Anonymous said...

"Bikepack racing may sound a bit like an oxymoron"

No just plain moronic...

Anonymous said...

For future podiums, they should just have Babs come up in a pair of her pointy heels, flex her calves and send the rest of them home.

shants_for_breakfast said...

PotbellyJoe,

You coulda died riding a bike that old!! What in the wide-wide-wide-wide world of sports were you thinking?

You need Merida crabon now with more crabon for extra stability and lawyering and Sinyard Branding stickers.

Jillian, how about some shorts to cover up those lycra shorts he embarrasses himself in? An artisinal skort maybe??

JLRB said...

Spokey - Wow - somewhere a weight weenie shat hisselfie

P. Bateman said...

by the way - those are some seriously tiny penises on those dudes in brooklyn. maybe they are the ultimate weight weenies and shaved grams wherever they could...but mostly on their weenies.

my god i'm not john holmes but that would suck.

Freddy Murcks said...

Oh my God! The response of the sleazeball who arranged for the bikini-clad women to appear at the women's podium ceremony for the Lotto Cycling Cup is even worse and more degrading than having the bikini-clad models there in the first place.


The models were arranged by Hostessen Service No Limit, a company that also provides striptease acts. Its manager, speaking with the BBC and giving his name only as Gerrid, said, “I don’t understand what the problem is.”

“Sometimes during the race, women race with their shirts open,” he said.


http://velonews.competitor.com/2015/06/news/in-the-news-lotto-cycling-cup-organizers-apologize-for-bikini-models_374079

Keep it classy, Belgium.

Spokey said...

JLRB

it's not bad once you get rolling. as long as you're not trying roll uphill which between say here and FL is pretty much the case. i think my daze of lugging that shit plus food and, stove, cookware up and down those mountains in the west may be a thing of the past (that pic was 2011). these days the eastern continental divide (along the GAP trail in 2013) is good enough for me.

BikeSnobNYC said...

ubercurmudgeon,

Bikepacking is touring for bros.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Leather is for boots, belts and fetishes. Panniers are for beer runs.

Josh said...

UTZ cheese balls is a sponsor of my college cycling team, ie they sent us 4 barrels for free.

JLRB said...

Spokey - I love the GAP - hoping to do it (and possibly continue down the far less civilized C&O) this Fall.

Did you do the ride to FLA or is that a work in progress?

dop said...

I wasn't bikepacking & I didn't have a rockhopper, but I remember going to school with a full rigid I couldn't hide behind my books & the girls laughed at my discomfort.

McFly said...

^^^COD 4 da dop

bieks said...

Potbellyjoe - there's probably different levels of bike packing, but if you check out the tour divide race, there's nothing glamping about sleeping in a bivy sack like a prewrapped meal for cougars and bears after 16 hours of off road riding. I'll take glamping, thanks.

The Commentariat said...

Jillian, wiwm is well respected in this comment section and we would just like to sayCLEEEAAAVVAAAGGGEEEEE.........

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oops, looks like I left the keys to the mancave out where the kids could find them.

Thank G-d she doesn't know my screenname on asianwhores.com!

DB said...

Jillian:
Cut Dad (WIWM) a little slack. We're all trying to do our best here but the only parenting skills we got were in eighth grade health class and we weren't paying attention.

DB said...

Oh, and Jillian 3:25 Comment of the Day.

Spokey said...

JLRB

started out for FL but my oldest brother (the green bike) developed some back problem that even his Rush Limbaugh narcotics apparently wouldn't fix and we abandoned.

the GAP is pretty good. About 180 miles if I recall. i would definitely do the pittsburgh to cumberland direction. a nice slow uphill. once you get to the downhill, you can literally almost completely coast to cumberland.

the C&O is much worse. been on it twice now and both times, i had to remove the fenders because the mud caked so bad. while the GAP is mostly packed gavel and smooth riding, the c&o is basically two ruts sprinkled with potholes. i'd recommend doing the 20 mile bypass that runs through hancock. very nice diversion (i think actually an md trail instead of federal) from the c&o but close enough you can see the c&o from the bypass. and nice eateries in hancock itself.

you'll need lights for a couple tunnels on both the GAP & C&O. especially the pawpaw. you'll want to walk that baby. i tried it riding on my first c&o run and almost went in the drink.

also recommend subscribing to a couple of the google groups dedicated to those routes.

Spokey said...

the only parenting skills we got were in eighth grade health class and we weren't paying attention.

parenting skills were taught in 8th grade health class? who wooda thunk? me and ebb cooda used them earlier than that.

gsport george said...

"... Basically the entire peloton forms a Circle of Love around the winner, who sings songs of thanks to Gaia the Earth Goddess for her victory..."

And by "winner" I assume you mean the rider with the smallest ecological footprint?

Oh yeah, and the pope believes in science now...

babble on said...

dop - ++ lol!! Well in that case we can deduce that you didn't just win a certain contest held in BUSHWICK just the other day? I pinched myself, wondering for a moment whether my name was Alice when first I clicked that particular link. I'm sorry, but how is it that all of the guys on that page were fat? Does being fat shrink a penis, or is the poor member in question buried in fat? Or is it simply a question of perspective?

Yikes.

Redleather Yellowleather said...

I could really use an artisinal leather strap with which I could transport all my artisinal leather carrying paraphenalia when they are not being used for carrying.

Ride, ride, ride, let it ride said...

"The Spartan Carton". 70 miles in the bag, 2 pints of ale down the hatch (for carb recovery only of course), and I see a babe carrying a Spartan Cartoon". Spartan to babe "I am Sparta", babe "huh", Spartan "I am Sparta, take off your clothes", babe "Oh, OK". 96th on the Podium.

Anonymous said...

Apparently part of the humiliation Cippolini victim guy had to endure was the bike. Quill stem? Bar-top shifters? Poor bastard.

And I happen to know a 750 ml bottle of Bully Hill Goat Red fits in my bottle cage. If you bend it just a little.

Angry Beaver in Mirimichi said...

Babble, my place has two showers, one of which has a built in seat. It should meet you.

JLRB said...

well lookie here

dop said...

Nothing big but it's hard to hold a book over your crotch & chew gum

Spokey said...

congrats dop

nice play edging out JLRB

dop said...

..at the same time


thanks

Vlad from Romania said...

LES premierS dix. Learn le pluriel, mon ami!

Anonymous said...

Laugh at my micro weenie if you will. I get the green light on the fudge tunnel so who is laughing now? Well her because she says it "tickles".

Butt you can clean it with 1 (one) moist towelette which is nice.

JLRB said...

Quien es mas non-plussed - Bib Short Guy, or the 4 bikini clad strippers that got stuck doing the bike event?

JLRB said...

So to unravel the mystery of the universe, or at least yesterday's inspired blog title:

In Kent, perhaps in Cumberland,
Or somewhere else we understand,
Lately there dwelt a knight of fame,
Sir Amorous Whimsy was his name.
His filly, pert intrepid prate,
His airs, his gestures, and all that,
Declared his source and empty pate.


The part of this [blog] which is best executed is the little [lox] upon the title-page

JLRB said...

ps - I ceded the century out of fear of the embrace of the podium gents -

JLRB said...

pps - "filly" should likely be "silly"? Hard to tell an f from an s in the old world engravings ...

Yankee Doodle said...

"So to unravel the mystery of the universe, or at least yesterday's inspired blog title

And to further on that, the "Macaroni" in the title is what you are going for when you stick a feather in you BSNYC cycling cap. Not the paste kind of macaroni.

Yankee Doodle said...

*pasta

(Damn ye quill pen auto correct)

JLRB said...

There is indeed a kind of animal, neither male nor female, a thing of the neuter gender, lately [1770] started up among us. It is called a macaroni. It talks without meaning, it smiles without pleasantry, it eats without appetite, it rides without exercise, it wenches without passion

And "it" went on "grand tours" of Europe - just like some other oddly dressed gents of this day....

the rest can perhaps be forgiven, but wenching without passion?

dop said...

That's what I call using your noodle.

A Random Bike Mechanic said...

"...wenches without passion.."

I'm always passionate when wrenching. Also screw driving and allen tooling.

ValcucineTech said...

no hyperlink for Rob Halford?
Your off your game snob.

Everbody said...

Cheap-ass split rivets!

JB said...

Yes, I enjoy how the Cippollini Super Fred Camp uses a photo of a recreational trail guy on a department store bike.

I bit Cipo drops them all on the first climb and gets picked up in a helicopter at the bottom of the first decent.

[Eye-talian accent] "OK, this first climb coming up. Heh, the coming... [wink] You stay with The Cipo on climb, I take you to Villa. You female, you get The Cipo. You male, you get my homekeeper."

BamaPhred said...

Thanks to The Snob and the commentariat I know more about Robert Dodsley than I ever cared to know. That's 15 minutes of my life I won't get back.

JLRB said...

You Cannot petition the Lob with prayer

David Pearce said...

Dear Snob,

Leather & steel ..... Mmmmm! Makes me crave a good session of 50 Shades of Bicycle Bondage! As David Bowie sang, "Hit me!"

I think my favorite artisanal-bicycle-bondage-must-have of the day is the "Growlette", complete with "leash".

And don't even get me started on bike locks! Oh are they hot!

Anonymous said...

Nice Priest reference.

Anonymous said...

A dedicated bike-packing bike?!?!!?!!?! Fuck me, there isn't a big enough facepalm in the world.

Get the following:

1) mountain bike
2) "road" tires, if you're a sissy
3) rear rack, maybe *gasp* a front rack, too!
4) suitable panniers
5) a trailer, if you're feeling adventurous

The beauty is that it's all removable!

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Macros Satu said...

Assalamualaikum ... Hallo gan, salam kenal ! Ane dari De Nature Indonesia minta izin buat promo sekalian titip link ya gan, Mohon komentar ane jangan dihapus ... :)

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