The last Wednesday post of 2014.

I've just learned a fun fact from a reader about New Zealand, which is that their taboo against not wearing a plastic hat while riding a bicycle is even stronger than their taboo against public nudity:

A male in Timaru was stopped by police on Sunday afternoon while cruising the streets without clothes or helmet.

Like Australia, it is compulsory for cyclists to wear helmets in New Zealand.

The man was slapped with a fine for leaving his head uncovered, while police were more lenient about him leaving his body unclothed. 

So where did they slap him?

Speaking of nudity, Leroy's Dog has difficulty believing that Mario Cipollini is a virgin when it comes to "touring down under:"

Mario Cipollini to attend Tour Down Under next month for first time: http://t.co/coFW2GbJ66 pic.twitter.com/dflMoY1yG6
— CyclingTips (@cyclingtips) December 16, 2014

I would have to agree, and indeed this is in direct contradiction to Cipo's only extant "tweet" to date:

eating pussy
— Mario Cipollini (@CipolliniM) October 8, 2009

That's five years and counting, just in case you're keeping track.

Gotta be some kinda record.

Anyway, moving back to helments, I'm not sure why wearing them has to be an all-or-nothing proposition.  What's wrong with making the decision on a case-by-case basis?  For example, if I'm just riding around the neighborhood naked and running errands, I forego the helment.  However, if I'm out on the open road on my Fredcycle, wearing stretchy clothes and flying about o'er hill and dale, I strap on the ol' "safety kippah."

Why?

Well, looks mostly, but also because neighborhood cycling is mostly just slow-speed encounters with double-parked Entenmann's trucks and senior citizens slowly rolling through stop signs, whereas high-speed road cycling involves shit like this:



Goddamn deer wasn't even wearing a helment.

The rider totally Hincapied his cockpit too:

Amazing.

And here's a somewhat less thrilling animal encounter:


I'm not sure that qualifies as an "attack."  If anything, the dog was probably just trying to get a whiff of his chamois.  Speaking as a dog attack survivor myself, frankly I'm not impressed.

By the way, it's been over a year now since that dog bit me and I'm pleased to report I'm still rabies-free.  In fact, I plan to start selling rubber bracelets:

(Good Lord, what a douchebag.)

I may not have rabies, but I'll tell you one thing: I'm positively rabid about fighting it.

And in other helment and dog news, Newfoundland and Labrador (both dog breeds as I understand it) have unleashed (DO YOU GET IT!?!) a helment law upon an unsuspecting cycling populace:

Service NL Minister Tony Cornect said research shows there are significant reductions in bicycle-related head injuries in provinces where there is mandatory bicycle helmet legislation versus provinces and territories without such legislation.

Right, probably because there's a significant reduction in people riding bicycles.

Nicely done.

I suppose when if you can't ban bicycles then passing a helment law is the next best thing.

Lastly, I've reminded you before and I'm reminding you again not to ride indoors this winter because it's stupid:



What, no helment!?!