It's a box of hats.
Now I'm going to bring those hats, as well as any others I already have (new ones I mean, not ones I've worn and sweated into) to the Philadelphia Bike Expo with me, where I'll give them away during my "semi-GNAR" this Sunday:
I hope to see some of you there, and while I can't promise everyone will leave with a hat, I can pretty much guarantee to send you off with a swag bag full of weltschmerz--which is a "mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state," and not a fancy new crème du chamois:
(Weltschmerz Chamois Cream: for when you suck.)
And now, let's get right to the quiz, since I have to be in Philadelphia in two days and it takes like a whole hour and a half to get there. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right a five dollar bill (or its equivalent in Vietnamese Dong) will materialize in your underpants, and if you're wrong you'll see some advice that is exactly one week too late.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and hope to see you in Philly(delphia) this Sunday!
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) The latest enforcement fad in "America's Best Bike City" is ticketing cyclists for:
--Using clipless pedals
--Running a right/front left/rear brake lever setup
--Riding on the left side of a one-way street
--Unicycling
2) Mikael Colville-Andersen invented urban cycling advocacy like Christopher Columbus discovered America.
--True
--False
(The middle part helps him line up his shots.)
3) This is Eddy Merckx.
--True
--False
4) Hee Haw the Barista is serving a customer who is:
--Wearing the world's fastest-drying dress shirt
--Wearing the world's finest cycling underpants
--Buying the cheapest thing in the entire café as a pretense to use the outhouse
--Furtively playing pocket pool while placing his order
(An Austin motorist.)
5) Some cyclist in Austin thinks everybody needs to:
--Yield
--Wave
--Wear lights on their heads
--Get naked and play the bongos
6) Chris Boardman was recently criticized for:
--Not wearing a foam hat while filming a bicycle safety video
--Not offering a gravel bike in his eponymous product line
--His views on doping
--His beard
(But was he wearing a newsboy hat?)
--A helment
--High visibility outerwear
--His prescription glasses
--Pants
***Special Good-Advice-Is-Meaningless-If-You're-Not-Wearing-A-Foam-Hat-Themed Bonus Video!***
116 comments:
podiating yo
second
podio? I want a sweaty hat though... is that possible fro $$$?
Watch the leeaathhherrrr.....
Hats for top 10?
Or just hats off?
first shot at podio….scranus
wow....a little early today, are we?top ten.
I can't take your blog seriously because you weren't wearing a foam hat when you wrote it.
8 already! I suspect doping.
cycle
This blog post violates some of the douchebag rules of the Velominati (http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/).
Which is always a good thing.
I'm carrying a bag of Weltschmerz already, thank you.
I hear Philly cheesesteaks can double as chamois creme and have no effect on how your wife feels about your need for a shower when you get home from a ride.
I expect a report on Monday. Okay Tuesday, but no later than Friday of Two thousand and never.
The robot is threatening with its sagacity frotaly.
Which is bad because I fear being frontally sagacided.
I saw your retwat from Hsi-Pei-Liao. It was interesting enough to follow it back to its genesis. Kept digging until I vomited. What the hell is wrong with us? I was taught in school that the thing that sets us apart from other life forms is our ability for compassion and reason. I'm calling bullshit on that one.
If Mr. Hsi-Pei-Liao went amok this very evening and stabbed 20 people to death on the streets of NYC I would think, 'Yup, that's about right. Poor guy'
It's not just that he lost his kid. That's unimaginable. Combine that with the mass media (NYDN) blaming the child, photo evidence of a grandmother and grandchild in the crosswalk hand in hand getting picked off by an SUV . . .
Have a fucked weekend all you miserable people.
I need to stop. Here is the first comment from that article about the 3 year old losing her life due to negligence of another with beer on his breath.
'So sad. I feel bad for the driver. It was an accident. At least he didn't take off. I would be the same. I'd be dramatized.'
I gotta go find someone to stab . . .
Why fix a problem, when you can blame a victim?
I was having a swell Friday and then I saw the retweet. Heilige Scheiße! I'm making a t-shirt
I❤
NY
but with the heart broken.
Proceeds can go to people who need to bury their children killed by cars in NYC.
Maybe it'll have tires tracks across the heart.
OMG. I went the 4 miles from the wife's office to my office this morning WITHOUT A HELMENT!! How am I still alive????? Truly, I am tempting the fates. Good think I sacrificed a small child earlier this week to ensure my safe passage
"In daily life, he often adopts his wife's maiden name to avoid confusion with his somewhat more famous namesake." RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, indeed.
But what does this mean from the safety man without hats:
"“In contrast, there are approximately 116 cyclists tragically killed in the UK each year, that’s one per every 1000 times around the planet."
One every what planet, who?
(Burying head in sand - not reading the tweeter re-post - sounds too fugn messed up)
Happier news - The Republican Senate fixed the jobs issue
I actually thought that one said, "high visibility underwear ."
So, imagine my embarrassment here at the office in nothing but my hi-vis undergarments.
I never heard of Copenhagenize or of Mr. Mikael Colville-Andersen before this week. Yet inexplicably I have been an urban bicycle rider since the 1990s (remember Starbucks coffee? whoa those were da days).
Aced the quiz.
Have a good time in Philly. Please make plans to speak in Madison or Chicago sometime.
Hey!
There's a Vietnamese dong in my underpants.
My dog bet me I didn't know that Weltschmerz was the original last name of Lucy's and Desi's neighbors.
I took the bet, but he still took my money because he was right: I didn't know that was Fred's and Ethel's last name.
Then he said something about schadenfreude I didn't get.
Oh well. Ride safe all!
benDE,
Just looked up the twitter tweet and article you reference. Pass me the vomit bag. And the bowie knife.
Was hoping for $30 but ended up with 639,375 Vietmamese Dongs in my underwear. I'm not happy. Well, at least I got one wrong or I would have had 745,937.50. That half a dong would have given me nightmares for life.
dnk-
Right? This must be one mellow Asian gentleman. In his shoes this cracker might have been able to hold it together until I read the NYDN headline and then I would have gone on an avenging killing spree where all of humanity had blood on their hands.
Again, have a lousy weekend assholes.
If you lend someone your tandem and it has paint overspray all over it on the back half, now you know why. Douche. Mask off the bike next time.
He's not so mellow about it, just broken and demanding more than 2 tickets (now invalidated) against the killer driver.
I just watched this heartbreaking video --- it's not of the accident itself, just the parents talking about it in the most sane and visceral way:
http://www.citylab.com/commute/2013/11/watch-video-and-you-may-never-drive-same-way-again/7574/
Sorry I'm too dumb to embed a proper link.
Have a lousy weekend indeed.
Pocket Pool Friday!
If you're going to use your Philly cheesesteak for chamios cream remember to leave off the Sriracha.
Damn missed one on the kwiz.
Hasselhoff dissertation sounds riveting.
I bet you wonder how I knew....
About your plans to make me blue...
A slightly more cheerful story. As usual, the comments are even funnier
Man, I love this blog...well rounded pop culture references, great vocabulary, and lotsa porn links. Too many sad cycling accident stories at times, but hey, that's our sad culture for you. Wait, there must be a better word for sad...
Nice article Euro,
"Some of the parts are ordered from the Netherlands and Germany, while the leather seats and handles are made at a tannery down by the pyramids."
Sounds like Eric the Chamferer better get down there and offer a little "persuasion" to whoever is sourcing parts.
Blog Drafter,
Lugubrious?
--Wildcat Etc.
Melancholic?
"Cycling is statistically safer than gardening." Now I know where to wear my helment.
On my ride to work today, nearly got gored by a park worker. He was walking out from behind his van onto the path carrying what looked like a very long fishing spear. I barely had time to swerve around him. I think the spear was actually a tool to turn off the water to drinking fountains. He mumbled "oh, sorry," but was in mid-conversation either on his phone or with someone I couldn't see. Time to add kevlar vest to bike wardrobe?
...friend got clipped by a fucker making a right turn yesterday. the back of his head cracked even though he was wearing a good (read: expensive) helment.
...ride safe y'alls... and if you don a plastic foam hat, let it be an ironic one.
Dear Snob Universe,
Thats what I used to suffer from! :
weltschmerz--which is a "mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state,"
Like when I compared the Ideal State to the Islamic State, and no, I don't mean ISIS.
But one day, while showering, epiphany! I flipped it. Instead of thinking the world was really great except for these assholes who cut off people's heads because they won't agree with them, or murder wonderful young women likeHannah Graham, I figured out the baseline position of the world is that it is a horrible, nasty, evil, sinful place.
Dangerously close to Christian doctrine, I know. I can't help it.
BUT, that assumption, that the world is a bad, bad place, makes every bit of good done on this planet a little miracle, and that finally helped me feel calmer about the world.
I'm Jewish. I don't literally believe it, but there is a parable about God that I love, and can finally embrace. It goes something like this:
God foresaw that both sinners and good people would arise from Adam's loins, and thought, "If I create life, I bring evil into the world. But if I don't create life, all the good people in the world will never be. What is the right thing to do?" After much pondering, God said, "Oh, what the hell!", and created life, so all the good people can live, and all the little miracles could occur.
So I give thanks life's little miracles, like Bike Snob here, and all you good people reading this.
Initially, I thought that douchebag had to be a sociopath to not even feel guilty enough to not contest those 2 tickets, but everything ties into the impending civil suit, doesn't it? C'mon litigation, don't fail us now. Leave this guy so destitute he can't afford bus fare.
Ooh double negatives. I meant if he had a concience he'd feel like he should at least pay the tickets.
Synonyms: black, bleak, cheerless, chill, Cimmerian, cloudy, cold, comfortless, dark, darkening, depressing, depressive, desolate, dire, disconsolate, dismal, drear, dreary, dreich [chiefly Scottish], elegiac (also elegiacal), forlorn, funereal, glum, godforsaken, gray (also grey), lonely, lonesome, gloomy, miserable, morbid, morose, murky, plutonian, saturnine, sepulchral, solemn, somber (or sombre), sullen, sunless, tenebrific, tenebrous, wretched
There goes the weekend.
FUNK WIZZ
RIDE NICE
You should bring some sort of non-clown, off-road type peddling cycle with you to Philly. Belmont Plateau is probably the best single track found within the limits of any big US city.
What does it mean to "own two bicycles in CT"
vsk said ...
Early in person bike blogs were 3 or 4 messengers with knuckle tat avatars smoking (something) saying:
"traffic sucks dude",
Comments Section:
"Word"
And stuff like that.
Have a great weekend and I'll try to be in Philly, the City of Brotherly Love - they hug ya before they mug ya, on Sunday.
vsk
Wo ho! Early doors! Stellar week, Snobbums. Have fun in Philly.
Hi, this is anonymous from a while back. Looks like the guy who hit the cyclist deliberately and got a $250 fine is back up.
https://www.facebook.com/jose.henriquez.9634
Just, you know, FYI.
Mr. Pearce, I appreciate you calling us "good people", but I assure you that I am one of the "horrible, nasty, evil, sinful" people as well. As are all of us.
We all contain Hitler within. Our continued daily struggle to repress the urge to grow an ugly mustache and murder millions is what makes us "good."
The facade begins to crack when I hear of yet another SUV-mow-down going unpunished.
Can't make it to Philly, but I second DB: come back to Chicago sometime. Meanwhile, enjoy!
Hey! you NEEDED that oil change! The fuel system flush though,not so much.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck... look at this shit What can we do about this kind of thing? Was probably texting.... Please, SOMEONE, Snobi Wan almighty, help us end the kindermord in New Fuck City. That is all. Thank you.
As you travel to Philly, may the fork be with you, Snob.
Tryin' to spin around the city while you're here? I have a cool fixie you could borrow. seriously.
Rural 1st!
Top 60!
copper parked in my driveway (which is a dirt lane going way uphill and back to my house).
I turn in, fast, and am startled when I see his car tucked in.
"you're going too fast for this road, slow it down kid"
I nicely answer - I'm old enough to be your father, i own this private road - it leads to my land, and it's posted 'no trespassing / but you're welcome to stay here if you'd like".
What is happening to civilization? Oh, right.
This is the first time I've taken the Friday quiz without visiting at all during the week, and I got them all right!
How big is a $5 vietnamese dong supposed to be? Because this thing's really swelling up and it's getting uncomfortable.
I'd rather have weltschmertz than mittelschertz
The ideal state of my world is solid.
The main reason behind the proposed ban seems paradoxical: it is a result of Iceland being a highly liberal place. The country is run by the world's only openly lesbian prime minister, while 65% of Icelandic children are born outside marriage (more than any other country in the OECD). Children are given extensive sex education in schools. Mini-vibrators and condoms are sold at supermarket checkouts. Along with Norway and Sweden, Iceland has one of the highest rates of female enrolment in higher education (women outnumber men 3:2). Salary gaps between men and women are some of the lowest in the world and the rate of female participation in the labour force is one of the highest. Just after Finland, and at the same time as Denmark, Iceland was one of the earliest countries to grant women the vote in 1915. Iceland's powerful feminist movement is now championing the ban on online pornography, specifically that which is violent or degrading, mostly towards women.
Dear Messrs. Blog Drafter @ 11:07, BSNYC@11:17, Potbelly Joe @ 11:24, and grog @11:44 --
My dog asked me to suggest that the synonym you seek is "some fucked up shit."
What he lacks in erudition he achieves in bluntness.
And I've learned it's pointless to critique the vocabulary of a talking dog.
i still say a typing dog is more impressive. even a horse is known to talk. but mr ed never never did any of his own twittering as far as i know.
is it 809 already? jeez. time for bed. or at least some scotch
Leroy, \what did he want me to say, Mel Ott?
Leroy, Leroy's Dog, Potbelly Joe, Blog Drafter, et al.
"Fucked up shit" is about right. "Insane" also strikes me as an appropriate term for a regulatory agency that cannot levy a $150 fine upon the person that killed that little girl, and for police that can't bother to investigate or charge, and for a DA that could care less about prosecuting.
"And I've learned it's pointless to critique the vocabulary of a talking dog."
That's what my cat told me, too.
Getting people addicted to driving to prosecute drivers for "mistakes" that result from excessive speed, being late, mistaking gas and brake pedals, etc. is like asking them to fine someone for breathing. It just comes so naturally to everyone that they see nothing wrong.
Boobies
That said - it is severely fucked up and I cannot comprehend what the families are going through.
Peace, Sholem, paz, salaam, paix, roj, frieden, baris, shaanti, spokoj, rauha, pace, paz, Hoa-binh, beke, mir, siochain.
Out.
JLRB brings up another thing of bullshit. This "mistaking the gas for the brake," line of shit that is totally allowed as an excuse.
Here's the thing, it seems to be old people using the excuse, and there's good reason for it. It's a crock of shit.
They're not mistaking, their incapable of using one foot to press the brake pedal firmly enough to stop the car from speed. So they USE TWO FEET on the pedal. Well the brake pedal is wider, but no wide enough for two feet, and old people aren't wearing running shoes with the grippiest of tread. So feet slip, when the left one slips, they bump the curb, when the right foot slips it goes with teir full force onto the gas pedal, while their weakest foot is left on the brake, not doing much because it they weren't strong enough to stop a rolling car with one foot, let alone a car now accelerating.
It pisses me off to no end that this excuse has never been looked into deeper than just a cursory glance and people go, "Happens, I guess." and move on.
NO IT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN!
We took the keys away from my grandparents when we caught them driving with two feet. That was it. It's not safe.
It's pretty simple the way I see it.
The shits not going to stop until the oil runs out. And after the die off of millions or more from the resultant collapse of civilization. The survivors will carry on with the Amish by adopting their ways or if not by eating grubs and living in squalor.
Robot cars that drive themselves may stave off the inevitable for a few years but the black stuff is going to be used up one way or another eventually.
And if we manage to get by without a nutjob group of radicals getting hold of a nuclear warhead and precipitating WWIII there is at least a glimmer of hope.
Bicycles will be there. We enlightened ones can see it. That makes me feel positive at least.
Have a nice weekend.
Sometimes we get awfully deep for a cycling blog, but it is easy to lose sight of the fact that the original Arab Oil Crisis was in October of 1973! That's FORTY-ONE years ago for those of you not swift at math.
We now have a nascent market for electric cars and a maturing market for hybrids, but with the recent drop in gas prices, sales of gas-guzzling SUV's are taking off again.
We've had FOUR DECADES to wean ourselves off of fossil fuels, and we've barely started, for gosh sake.
When Shia law governs us all, perhaps we will look back on an entire generation of wealth flowing from the west to the Arab world to support our addiction to fossil fuels and wonder how it all came to be.
In the meantime, let me go pick one from my personal fleet of cars to go clutter the roadways and pollute the environment.
What can you do to help, you ask? Load up the Suburban to the brim at Costco this weekend, for starters.
Happy peddling!
People who can't figure out the brake pedal just about killed Audi's North American market back in the 80's. Yep, blame the car.
ANYONE GOING TO THE PHILLY BIKE EXPO FROM NYC?
What?!, no more addresses to prove my humanity over robotics?!
Stupid captcha
Fucceeded alizkyp
RCT - So when do we run out of oil and the meekcyclists and meekpeds inherent the earth? Our kids generation? Grandkids? Theirs? Is it oil or machine powered individually guided vehicles that cause the destruction?
I'm a stonewild cat machine. Yes, that what I am.
To Mr. C. Deleted.
Sir,
Thank you for your contribution. My opinion of the matter is that neither you, nor I, have any Hitler in us.
I don't. I bet you don't either.
If I were presented with the possibility of being a dictator, I would be a benevolent dictator. Maybe have to throw a few killjoys in jail I suppose, but never mass-murder. If I were a dictator, it would be mostly a non-stop celebration and making sure my subjects were happy and able to make a good living and a good life.
That's not to say I am without sin; quite the opposite. I am owned by the sin of Sloth, and the sin of Addiction (alcohol), and perhaps the sin, if it is a sin, of Feeling Too Much.
Most people don't care that much. It's probably a good thing, for species survival. 50,000,000 Frenchmen can't be wrong, as they say. If caring less wasn't useful to individual humans, they wouldn't do it.
That's what I say. So, "Take it easy, but take it!"
Dave
David Peirce, thanks for over-sharing.
David, I think Woody Guthrie said that.
I'm still trying to figure out the "1,000 times around the planet". I can only conclude that Martin Amis must have ghosted that little piece of prose.
BABBLE: "Have fun in Philly". Philly is where W. C. Fields wanted to go to die. That's the level of fun there.
I keep hearing that it's Veterans Day Weekend, which is Tuesday. But most all of the people I know have to work on Monday. So Am I missing something?
Dave @ 12:24
Seems to me that you're saying that you are a dead-end in the evolutionary gene pool.
It's been a few years, but I have read that caring / nurturing had evolutionary strength. Can't remember the arguments.
But like lots of stuff, it's probably an evolutionary balancing act. Too little or too much caring, kindness, etc. are probably not long term for the pool.
Robot claims gene 1386 on chromosome 8 is the caring gene
Blaming the car... And then keep driving. And then kill some more pedestrians. No criminality suspected. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
It's a killer deal. Why would any driver give up this benefit?
Any consideration of accepting additional responsibilities as a driver would be swiftly shut down.
I think kindness is a hallmark of the evolved person, but what do I know?
And WOOOT! What a ride this morning! 123 km, at an average speed of 31 km/hr. My legs are jelly, and there's still a hundred km to go tomorrow, but damned it feels good! I love love love my bicycle. And even people with small brains like mine can learn new tricks. I caught a wheel on a rotating paceline, moving at 40 km/hr, but unlike the last time, when I landed in hospital with a portable shoulder, this time I steered through it. :D
babs
hope it was warmer there than the 6C around here today. So cold my 'puter was cutting in and out. although a new battery in the sensor unit looks to be helping.
Looking forward to tomorrow. Forecast is above 10C
robot award me 1254 shiver points for today's ride
Jelly is so good.....sometimes I get it on both cheeks.
Cheeky connoisseur: Right?! Jelly is perfect after a good ride!
And it is pretty cold here, too, with even colder temperatures ahead, thanks to the return of the polar vortex following that massive storm off Alaska. But cold and dry is ok with me. Those floods last week were a bit of a drag to ride, er, swim through.
Babble - Stay out of the pacelines.
.....landed in hospital? Landed in THE hospital.......THE hospital. This is America. We don't ATTEND UNIVERSITY either. We go to colleges.
The goofballs will return.
hmmm
first time a comment was deleted for me.
robot must have a real affection for McFly as I criticized his criticism.
to repeat;
here in the hemorrhoids we would say landed in the hospital. But agreed we would say went to college. At least back in the day. But then when I went to RU, my paper of promotion had college on it but now they print university so maybe the young 'uns say they go to university now. I'll have to ask the heir apparent what his says as he is over a decade out.
Now robot, you bastard, what's wrong with this comment? I'm saving the text and will post it over and over and over and over at least 161 times. You'll land in the hospital if you keep deleting comments!
and where's my ice hat?
Semen is perfect after a good ride.
RCT- What?! Wow, that's GREAT news! I thought WWIII was already under way...
I despair at the state of the world often enough, and then my son who is attending university (uni for short) to get those medical letters after his name, reminds me of all of the good things that are happening, and tells me to have hope. He figures that technology really will save us, and he reminds me how he doesn't drive, nor do his friends, and then he gets on his bicycle and rides to school. And I feel a glimmer of hope.
Mr Lifeguard - how am I ever going to become a better cyclist if I don't learn from those who do it best?!
It always bugs me when rich people in movies say, "Tell cook to set another place for dinner". Not "The Cook"...or "Our Cook"...of course, if I had enough money to have a cook, I'd be really pretentious & and wind up in hospital when someone punched me in the nose while visiting my daughter at university
i can't even figure out the nomenclature. so a university (must) contains more than one college (i think). and a college, again i think, may have 1 or more schools.
so if i have 1 college with 2 schools, than the place can't be a university? but if those two schools are in different colleges, then the place is a university?
this makes me head hurt so bad i might land in a mental hospital.
so much for my eddy-you-cation.
oh
and i'd keep cook in the kitchen cookin'
any extra settings can be handled by jeeves
cookie only has to pitch in if we need 469 extra places
oooh
just noticed we're almost there
sneaking up on gollom
say hi to frodo
and the weekend century!
congrats on the century
I think the US definition of University is an institution that confers graduate degrees.1618
And I think Babble likes her men the way she likes her whiskey....aged, mellow & straight
Dear Spokey @ 3:28 p.m.,
I have already been accused (accurately, I might add) by Politburo, or at least Commentariat, of oversharing,
Never you mind. It turns out, sir, you are correct! I AM the end of my particular evolutionary branch!
Unless my bike-building or woodworking is noted after me, you can rest calm that you will not have to read any of my, nor my posterity's, trite, treacly and way-too-earnest comments in the future.
Pearce.
P.S. Commentariat,
At least, if you're gonna criticize me, spell my goddam name right, 'kay? It's Pearce, like the vegetable, pea, like the fruit, pear; In the Wales telephone directory, Pearce spelled my way takes up three damn pages! So sod off, mate! 😎
I'm 4411, Four for, One one: ME!
Oh c'mon Peirce....we need some ineffectual intellectuals. Don't run off.
Hmm - I'm a parent; why did I come into this room? No point in wallowing in lugubrious Welzschmerz. Also I can't seem to remember which one was Pearce and which was Honeycutt.
Pearce porridge hot, Pearce porridge cold... never mind; tomorrow is another opportunity for strong coffee and a bike ride however lame.
vsk said ...
Anony Mouse from before somewhere... I went to the Philly Bike Expo Sunday and was on time for Mr. Snob.
Was a lot of fun. Yes, got a hat (blue).
More stuff about that tomorrow... when I an more conscious !
vsk
Good
For
You
somebody light a match
"a helment" - yeah, if he would get away with that in court, seeing no one knows what a helment is, then CityBike would be safe. I presume they are getting sued because they failed to tell riders that they can burn themselves if they carry a hot McDonalds coffee on their handel-bars (after all, it say "bar" doesn't it?).
Excuse Me
Bike Blog?
I thought this was the complaint department
My car dealership never dupes me into anything, and I've got the gold package undercoating to show for it.
I did think something was a little off when my local bike shop sold me a lifetime oil change program...
Is that a rocket in your seat bag or are you just happy to flee me
Woah!! A rocket powered bicycle hit 333 km/hr!
Lol! And it was hydrogen peroxide powered, of all things.
...it left a trail of blondes in its wake
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