Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Mangia! An appetizer before Wednesday.

Good day to you!

I regret to inform you that, owing to various obligations and miscellaneous whatnots, today's blogular post will be somewhat truncated.  This also has something to do with it:

 

Yes, I "curated" this cannoli-eating "edit" myself, and its significance will be revealed in the not-too-distant future.

Possibly.

Also, further to yesterday's post, a commenter had this to say:

Lyscii said...

Lol, surprised to see my ad here. I needed a longer seatpost when I built up that Bianchi, and a friend sold me that seatpost super cheap. As soon as the deal was done, he tells me that the post once belonged to Bike Snob NYC. As the story went, both were at a bike polo match, Bike Snob was having issues with a seatpost slipping, my friend happened to have one lying around that was .2mm bigger, and they traded. Sucks that it turns out not to be true, but I guess an effective tactic to sell a bike, as it sold this afternoon.

SEPTEMBER 16, 2014 AT 12:39 AM

This is patently absurd, and I am shocked and appalled at the implication that I participate in bike polo matches.  I mean sure, fine, I tried bike polo ONE TIME:


But that was only because I was in Portland doing research for an article I was writing:


So does it have to haunt me for the rest of my life?

Apparently so.

Furthermore, the bicycle pictured did not belong to me.  Rather, it was lent to me for the occasion by the bicycle poloists, who to a man were almost disgustingly friendly and good-natured.

It was also on that same trip that I competed in the Single Speed Cyclocross Single Speed World Singlespeed Championships For Singlespeed Bicycles, and I can assure you I was truly unique because I wasn't wearing a costume.


(I'm totally stealing all these photos from my erstwhile Outside editor's photostream.)

When racing bikes in Portland, sincerity is the boldest form of irreverence.

While I'm waxing nostalgic on the Mustache of Time, this was also the race in which Stevil Kinevil of All Hail the Black Market and I faced off for a sprint finish so dramatic that the entire race fell away around us and for a brief moment we were the only two riders at the Portland International Raceway, or indeed on the planet earth.  He'll tell you I won and I'll tell you he won, and the only thing that's certain is that neither of us had any idea what lap we were on--but as far as we were both concerned, the race was over.  And ultimately, who won really doesn't matter, because the only loser that day was dignity.

Speaking of Stevil and cyclocross, if you're following this whole "Beergate" thing (and I can't blame you if you're not), he recently had the definitive word on heckling:

Let me be perfectly clear- I learned from some of the finest hecklers in this region’s history, and have been doing it for far longer than some of the aforementioned dicks have been riding bikes. Rule number one is to never, under any circumstances interfere with the race. You wanna throw beer on somebody? Throw beer on your friends at your local event. Or save it for a guy in an orange jumpsuit. Beyond that, if you don’t know the difference between a creative and funny heckle and a bald faced insult, keep for stupid mouth shut. It’s so painfully simple, yet clearly piles of people don’t get it.

Stevil is living proof that it takes true class to be a dirtbag.

Penultimately, I'd like to remind certain people that YES I'VE SEEN THE NAKED MIDRIFF PICTURE already:


While Stevil Kinevil may be the cycling world's heckling expert, when it comes to Colombia and partial nudity there is no greater authority than Klaus of Cycling Inquisition, who sums up the "controversy" thusly:

Their statement says that the team has been racing with this kit for nine months. It was designed by one of the team's riders, Angie Tatiana Rojas, and (as you might expect) appears more salacious in these photos due to shadows. The statement from the Cycling League of Bogota says, "this uniform was not designed with any malice whatsoever, and there was no intent in trying to objectify our athletes, or use them in such a manner for the sake of exposure for the sponsor." They also say that the kit was vetted and approved by the rider's teammates, though many assumed that the riders were being used, and objectified.

So there you go, and if you're worried about women being objectified then worry about the riders who participated in that Mario Cipollini "training camp:"


That was back in March of 2012, so the illegitimate children from that camp should be almost two years old now!

Time sure does fly.

Lastly, the California "three feet rule" has just gone into effect, so here's some safe passing porn:


You know who also gives three feet?  Here's a hint: he's oily, he's a former professional bike racer, and he's the father of fifteen illegitimate two year-olds.

104 comments:

GreySpoke said...

Win!

DB said...

Podium.

Anonymous said...

third?

Gee business said...

Oh!!! Whatever..

Flyover BC said...

Early start.

balls™ said...

That's what she said!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten!

Anonymous said...

fodder

John Watson said...

Totally unfair that I'm at the center of so-called Vegas CX "beer gate". Any regular reader of my blog should know that I no longer do beer - it make's you chubby.

Homer said...

Beer me!

PotbellyJoe said...

If fans throw you beer. Twitter-shame them into non-existence. Or is that Twitter-shame them into infamy?

I forget.

These are the same guys that sneak through three security checkpoints only to get upset when their favorite player, who just lost the biggest event of his life, doesn't sign an autograph for their obnoxious green-snot nosed 5 year-old and then make it out to be the athlete being a jerk.

The world is full of tools, we can only hope they stay in the shed as to not bother us.

Angry Beaver in Mirimichi said...

Is that women's team sponsored by Busch Beer?

Dave said...

I wish someone would objectify me - anybody? I ride with my photo-lycra shorts displaying an HD image of my amazing genitalia, enlarged 100%, and what does it get me? Nada. Zip. No action.

Maybe I should move to Italy and take lessons from the Master.

dancesonpedals said...

CX world champion deals with hecklers

our guys have to stop being such pussies

BikeSnobNYC said...

John Watson,

You're not at the center, the riders are.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Stuart Rasmussen said...

Top 20-30-ish

le Correcteur said...

Top twenty; read.

streepo said...

oily illegitimate scranus

leroy said...

Well thank goodness those Colombian skinsuits only look inappropriate due to the shadows.

My dog and I have a bet.

The loser commutes for a week in that kit.

He can wear anything. I'm just not sure it would be flattering on me.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

My dog observed that beer googles prolly affected Mr. Watson's perspective.

I have no idea what he means by that.

But if we are talking about fairness, it is totally unfair that I have to wear that Colombian skinsuit just because I bet that "prolly isn't probably."

I demand a second opinion.

And maybe a skort.

Bama Phred said...

Scranus.

Anonymous said...

John Watson - it isn't even about the beer anymore - it's about how you talk like a bitch.

Rides in t-shirt and gym shorts says.... said...

I have to respectfully disagree with one of your comments, Mr. Snob. During the Portland CX race you certainly were wearing a costume.

Bama Phred said...

So the fans and participants taunt and heckle, beer is sprayed and thrown, it involves tats and facial hair, so are we talking about NASCAR? Sounds like a normal Saturday night down at the local dirt track races.

McFly said...

One in the hand is worth six in the bush.

Anonymous said...

THE HOLD STEADY!

JB said...

That Portland single speed character looks like Cipo, if he was born in Portland.

Wait, did Cipo do any west coast U.S. races about 25 years ago. Hmmm...


Snobby, the question is, did your borrowed bike polo bike have a Sakae TCO seatpost?

David Pearce said...

In my opinion, it's amazing we've made any progress at all.

It's hard to make a good blog. It's hard to make anything good.

Perhaps all of the frat-boy blogs out there, and all the rest of the hype-crap in the world, in all of their nonsense and lack of quality content, when aggregated together, actually makes good things in the long run? Like a glacier crushes everything in its path, and millennia later someone can pick up a beautifully smooth pebble from its wake?

Bike Snob NYC goes into "full Proust" at times like this. I go into "full Joyce", or maybe it's better to say, "full Keillor".

In yesterday's Writer's Almanac, Keillor highlighted the birthday in 1929 of Murray Gell-Mann, the brainiac and physicist who categorized sub-atomic particles and named the three sub-sub-atomic parts of Hadrons "Quarks". Keillor writes, He got the name from a line in James Joyce's Finnegans Wake: "Three quarks for Muster Mark!".

Well, this forces me to take down my Penguin edition of Finnegans Wake and open it for only the second time in my life, and it remains just as unintelligible as the first time I opened it!

Now, I am not going to read all 628 densely typeset pages! just to find a quote about three quarks for Muster Mark, but somehow I don't think Joyce was referring to three fresh cheeses for Mr. Mark, but instead some kind of alcohol, but then again, maybe he was! Maybe Gell-Mann envisioned quarks as three little round cheeses all packed together in a Hadron. Who knows? Who cares, except me, and why the hell do I care?

It must be hell to proofread a book like Finnegans Wake. And what about an apostrophe? Shouldn't it be Finnegan's Wake?

I think there is a spelling mistake in the following quotation (picked at random, but it's a pretty good one!) on page 485, but who can tell? And what I'm quoting is probably porn, but again, who can tell??:

Addressing eat or not eat body Yours am. And, Mind, praisegad, is the first praisonal Egoname Yod heard boissboissy in Moy Bog's domesday. Hastan the vista! Or in alleman: Suck at! [sic]

--Suck it yourself, sugarstick! Misha, Yid think whose was asking to luckat your sore toe or to taste your gaspy, hot and sour! Ichthyan! Hevgat tosser!
[bold emphasis mine]

Well! What the eff does that mean? Although I think I can guess.

Like I said at the top, I wonder how we've made any progress at all. Maybe we are destined to continually make mistakes, and only gradually that leads to something better.

Roille Figners said...

I don't know who "we" is, and how you define "progress," but I think the mistakes ARE how you make progress.

Comment deleted said...

Well, that was a refreshing and erudite rant, Mr. Pearce.

I got a little thrill from it because I just last night read about Mr. Gell-Mann in the Feynman biography "Genius".

I'm hoping this current round of bashing my head against particle physics would cause some understanding to infiltrate my dense brain, but so far to no avail.

commentatorbot_3657 said...

I can never get over Keillor's breathing into the microphone.

I would ask Lob On High for strength if Kiellor rode a biek near me. The breathing noise would be like a jet engine!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus spelled backwards is sunarcs.

3G said...

BADA BING

David Pearce said...

1:35 p.m.

!!!

Wordplay! Nice!!

David Pearce said...

1:28 p.m.

Dear Mr. Deleted,

Despite my previously mentioned disdain for Finnegans Wake, I'm actually kind of getting into it a little bit. I see that Joyce was very interested in word play, and I'm interested in words, and playing with them.

And speaking of bashing your head on the physics wall, I think you might make as much sense of Finnegans Wake, or even understand it better, if you tore out each page and pasted them in no particular order on your walls, to cover up ....any nasty stains that may be lying there, to quote an old song. Joyce did it with words and music.

On the other hand, if numbers/physics is more your bag, you can paper over any holes in your walls with Norbert Wiener's Cybernetics: Control and Communication in the Animal and the Machine. Wiener did it with symbols and numbers, and even more than with Joyce, my eyes really glaze over!

David Pearce said...

BTW, the best news!

Murray Gell-Mann lives!! Isn't that great?!

A giant in the physics world and world of the brain, along with others like Feynman, and many others.

David Pearce said...

1:28 p.m.

Deer Mr. Figners,

Generally speaking, I define We as people who would rather build things up rather than blow things up. More order, less chaos. Knit up the raveled sleeve of care, etc., etc.

For the most part, I define Progress as the absence of cutting the heads off of hostages who have their hands tied behind their backs; The absence of shooting girls in the head because they want to go to school; And in place of that, thinking, inventing, building good things, more making, and less destroying.

A nicely put together bicycle is a fine example of my idea of Progress!

Flyover BC said...

Assuming I attend the big CX race this Saturday, what sort of heckling is appropriate?

I prefer ironic heckling 'cause I enjoy the look on the subject's face upon discovering the irony, or their displeasure at my pointing out the irony.


Flyover BC said...

BTW, the Erstwhile Outside magazine is four blocks north of here.

I didn't recognize anything in Kaptain Amerika's portfolio. I do note, however, that the official IMBA Subaru is parked in front everyday.

Flyover bC said...

Gell-Mann is really all about the simple not the complex.

Roille Figners said...

Hate to say it but that might mean there has never been any progress. Anyway progress is just an idea, arguably attributable to living in an age of unprecedented economic growth (possible only with fossil fuels).

Anyway progress & decline are both halves of the same cycle. Please sound a small gong or Himalayan bell << now >>

Freddy Murcks said...

Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I am pretty sure that I am never going to want cannoli ever again. Thanks, Snob, you inconsiderate fucker.




104000

Jefe said...

You really ought not to have worn all black at a cannoli-eating contest. Save it for the truffle-eating contest.

Spokey said...

David Pearce

I agree that it's fun to build stuff up

But if we were all too grown up to also enjoy blowing things up (or setting fires), the world would be a much sadder place.

1904 Cadardi said...

Where do I register for the Cyclocross race with the cannolli handup?

Spokey said...

I don't get it.

every couple years someone tricks me into trying a cannoli. Insists that I haven't had a good one and this one will be to die for.

i can't even finish the wretched thing. they taste so bad i'd swear they must be health food.

Anonymous said...

huh huh huh. 'vetted' sounds like 'wetted'. huh huh.

PBateman said...

@spokey

agreed, i only like the NO in canNOli.

so overrated. just like john watson's heckling abilities.

sorry @John watson - i dont know anything about this beergate but i did see a pile so i decided to jump on.

but the pile is all fleshy and kind of moist so i'm jumping back off and gonna go find a real desert because this cannoli talk has me hungry.

mario cipollini said...

where do I register for the CXrace with the canoli reacharound?

Duder from Orygun said...

Cannoli - wassat?!!

Spokey said...

i don't no nuttin about no beer-gate either.

but then i'm leery about piling on or in general casting aspersions around alkyhol. so i'm being careful hear.

PotbellyJoe said...

The eating competitions would be much more fun if the spectators threw stripper cards and beer at the contestants.

John Watson said...

I've since fallen off the beer-wagon. And guess what? I like it! Lots more "bro-activity"!

Mario said...

De eating competition wooda be mora fun ifa dey wair poosy eating competition, HA HA HA tutti alla grunzi di rigamaro!

the Jimboner said...

I forgot to thank you for posting Love TKO yesterday. A little minx I knew years ago always got friskier when Teddy was on the turntable.

Out In Left Field said...

Back in the day I use to ride a Raleigh Record with steel wheels and if it was wet out that bike would take a city block to come to a halt if you had any serious speed happening. On the plus side, I never had to replace a set of rims.

Gone Flat said...

The two antagonists in Beergate should just go to a bar and drown themselves in beer.

Anonymous said...

I tried to read through the Beergate thing but it got too boring. I saw that Lycra pic yesterday and wasted a few clicks trying to make it bigger, to no avail.

Leave the gun.
Take the cannoli.

dop said...

Beergate schmeargate. It's a bike race, not a tennis match (not that the latter is anything holy). They should get over it.

james Joyce said...

Finnegan's Wake? The Clancy Brothers explain it all for you

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Mangez mangez!

Aw maaaaan! You know I'm all for nekkid, but I also like good design, and those kits are just unfortunate all round. :S

Re: beergate - name calling always says more about the person doing the naming than it does the person being insulted.

Finnegans Wake is easy peasy next to Ulysses, and its title, sans apostrophe, was just a teaser for one chapter in that monster novel about an absolutely uneventful day in the life of Leopold Bloom, an entire chapter which includes zero punctuation. Heh heh. He reallly fucked with people. Father of the modern novel, you've gotta love Joyce.

Spokey said...

I gots an alky-hole-gate fers ya.

Last tree times i went to the food store, they was out of mah glen morangie lasanta.

waz up wit dat? Ahs not sure if its doze commies pelozi, read, and obamar. or maybee dem tee potties. but ah wants j edgar to vestigate dis.

eyes gettin mighty thirsty i tells ya. and ma jack tennesee honey (no not her the drinkin one) is gettin a tad low too.

David G said...

I heard on the radio today that the MetroNorth New Haven line will be installing some bike racks in train cars (paid for by Connecticut). Still no bikes allowed on at rush hour, though, because cyclists aren't quite human.

So I guess NY is going for best cycling city in the galaxy (paid for by Connecticut).

BikeSnobNYC said...

David G,

Bikes on a rush hour Metro North or LIRR would be kinda crazy.

Technically you're allowed to do it on the subway but you shouldn't.

If you need to bring a bike on a peak commuter train regularly you need to get a folding bike.

Full-size bike on commuter rail if you're in the city late and don't want to ride home, or for weekend excursions.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Herschel Raney said...

Mr. Pearce is on some kind of drug. Clearly. One has to have a deep focus to go through Ulysses or Gravity's Rainbow or The Recognitions. Blood Meridian or The Instructions or The Kindly Ones. Do work your way through them though. Find them. Make the struggle.

Or, fuck it, just ride.

Or drink.

Who am I to tell you how to live your life?

Herschel Raney said...

And Spokey:

Nice accent. Glenmorangie Lasanta remains the rule. Along side Lagavulin and very long aged Oban. Look out. Kentucky whiskeys just hold your place. In time. Though God luv em.

Anonymous said...

69! I never really enjoy it because I want to savor the bj but I am too busy performing.

Anonymous said...

What's going on at 0:49s of the 3-feet video? He's *measuring* the distance between him and the car? Or getting a tow?

David Pearce said...

9:27 p.m.

Yes to Nos. 1, 2 & 3!

At this hour, mostly concerned with No. 3.

I like your mantis pic! We should try and meet up some time on Google+. I am just dipping my toe into Google+, because I don't want Facebook to be the only game in town, although I am really creeped out at how Google knows all my photos and urges me to share them with the world. Have to check my settings. Only shared a few photos now, seeing as you're on there.

Thanks! 🚴

semi serious cyclist said...

What a portal into ancient cycling history - all the way back, a half decade ago, to Portland circa 2009, when bike Maus was worried NYC was eclipsing the hipster haven as best city for cycling.

Back in the oughts, I used to ride to Portland for long weekends from Seattle. It was an intoxicating time for cycling and probably still is. Portland's pretty genteel for cyclists, for sure.

I was still able to get some motorists to yell at me.

alpaca lips said...

Mr. Pearce -- I've heard that if you meet Murray Gelman (his original name), he'll always be happy to tell you how your last name should be pronounced, in the original Lithuanian or whatever.

Apparently Feynman used to call Gell-Mann's house on the weekends to see if he was working. If his wife reported he was out digging in the garden with a trowel or something, Feynman felt much better and could actually relax a bit.

JLRB said...

Dear Outsider's Erstwhile Wheelman - I enjoyed the old Portland article - hadn't read that one before. I've only been there a couple of times and have yet to have a chance to cycle around, but things like a bike public bike stand in the airport to reassemble your travel bike both make me want to give it a go but also make me wonder if its better to just get grease all over the hotel carpet.

ce said...

Rides in t-shirt and gym shorts 12:07, ha ha, beat me to that observation.

Regarding the beer throwing, it's an outrageous terrible waste of beer. I'm outraged. Outraged.

Stevil is right with what he says. And, given the moral high ground he has assumed, I'm going to go ahead and draw the logical conclusion that his long documented history of drunken escapades have never been perceived as disrespectful or obnoxious or caused unease to fellow patrons/staff/neighbours/passengers/bystanders etc. I'm serious, it's great to hear that he has managed to deftly walk that fine line and never stumbled over it.

David G said...

BSNYC 7:38 p.m.:

OMG you whipsawed me at length on that one crack? Harsh. Congratulations on making the world safe from something I don't do anyway.

How about acknowledging the good news that the trains will have racks at all.

dop said...

sweet baby jesus on a triscuit. I posted on brokks & was told that my comment was being, 'moderated'. Moderation in defence of scranus is no virtue

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Anonymous said...

NYT has a piece this morning about cycling in Central Park following the recent tragic death. Why don't you go down to CP yourself and give an honest appraisal of what is actually happening?
best JR Dublin

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Art Jokja said...

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Art Jokja said...

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Art Jokja said...

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Art Jokja said...

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Art Jokja said...

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Anonymous said...

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Obat Keluar Nanah dari Batang Kemaluan
Pengobatan Keluar Nanah dari Batang Kemaluan
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Obat Alami Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan
Pengobatan Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan
Obat Herbal Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan
Menyembuhkan Keluar Nanah Kemaluan
Cara Menyembuhkan Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan
Menyembuhkan Keluar Nanah dari Kelamin
Menyembuhkan Keluar Nanah dari Kelamin
Pengobatan Infeksi Kutil di Alat Vital
Obat Infeksi Kutil yang di Alat Vital
Obat alami Infeksi Kutil di Alat Vital
Obat Ampuh Infeksi Kutil di Alat Vital
Pengobatan Penyakit Kutil di Alat Vital
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Rahma Aulia said...

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Rahma Aulia said...

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Rahma Aulia said...

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Cara mengobati wasir atau ambeien said...

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Obat ambeien berdarah
Cara mengobati wasir stadium 3

Cara mengobati wasir atau ambeien said...

Cara mengobati wasir stadium 3
Cara mengobati wasir stadium 3 benjolan tidak bisa masuk
Cara mengobati wasir benjolan tidak bisa masuk
Cara mengobati tonjolan wasir tidak bisa masuk
Cara mengobati wasir
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Rahma Aulia said...

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tanggalmerah1 said...

Mengobati Kutil di Kemaluan _ Orang yang menderita penyakit Kutil kelamin, biasanya tidak menimbulkan gejala, namun kutil itu secara tiba-tiba tumbuh disekitar kelamin, karena benjolan kutil kelamin terlalu kecil dan kadang tidak terlihat Mengobati Penyakit Kutil di Kemaluan

Obat Kanker Payudara Stadium 4 _ pengobatan dengan obat anti kanker, sering menjadi pilihan utama untuk tahap kanker payudara stadiu 4. Hal ini dapat memperlambat pertumbuhan kanker. Pusat Obat Kanker Payudara Stadium 4

Obat Wasir _ Penyebab tak serentak yang akan memicu wasir yaitu stres. Stres menyebabkan kendala terhadap organ-organ pencernaan dan kelenjar-kelenjar endokrin maka mengakibatkan sembelit Obat Benjolan Wasir

Kutil di Kemaluan _ Kutil kelamin merupakan kondisi yang cukup mudah dikenali secara kasat mata oleh dokter. Namun jika kutil tersebut tumbuh di bagian yang sulit dijangkau penglihatan Mengatasi Kutil di Kemaluan

obat kanker _ Khasiat dari buah sirsak ini memberikan efek anti tumor/kanker yang sangat kuat, dan terbukti secara medis menyembuhkan segala jenis kanker, Obat Kanker Alternatif

Obat Wasir Berdarah _ Namun, obat-obatan yang mengandung bahan kimia dan juga operasi wasir yang beresiko memiliki efek samping yang terkadang kurang menyenangkan bagi penderitanya. Obat Wasir Berdarah Resep Dokter

Kemaluan Keluar Nanah tapi Tidak Sakit _ Penyakit Kencing Nanah bisa menyebar melalui aliran darah ke bagian tubuh lainnya, terutama kulit dan persendian. Kemaluan Pria Keluar Nanah tapi Tidak Sakit

Obat Sipilis Resep Dokter _ Rute penularan Sipilis juga melalui transmisi dari ibu ke anak dalam uterus, tapi kasus ini sangat jarang terjadi. Obat Penyakit Sipilis Resep Dokter

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