Wednesday, August 27, 2014

My Trip To Colorado Part III: The Search for The Empire Who Strikes Back Against the Return of the Electric Boogaloo

Well, evidently I've dug a narrative hole for myself, because it's Wednesday and I'm still writing about this trip to Colorado.

So let's see if I can claw my way out.

Here's Part I.

Here's Part II.

Today will constitute Part III, and after that I will never, ever speak of this trip again.

So where was I?  Oh, right, heading down that hill for the millionth time:


Once again I walked, because it was broad daylight, and because I planned to check out some of the IMBA Summit action, after which I was ostensibly supposed to give some sort of talk--or, as the schedule put it:

4:45-6 Bike Snob NYC hosts a lively recap of the day's discussions (plennary, with beverages for all guests)

Which would of course get all the attendees psyched up for the next item on the agenda:

Dinner on your own

"Dude, like sooo stoked for dinner on my own!," a lot of people wearing baggy mountain bike shorts could be heard exclaiming.

Wherever there are bike events there are tents, and under those tents you will find products.  Here's the Honey Stinger tent:


Notice how the woman working the tent is shielding her face, which is how people typically react to me:


Actually, she's probably just adjusting her glasses, but I always assume everything's about me.

Anyway, you probably know Honey Stinger for their famous waffles, which are quite tasty.  In fact, you could easily mistake them for a regular snack--that is until the bloating and flatulence common to all energy foods kicks in and you realize you've been had.

Oh, here are a couple of disembodied hands:


One is wielding a toothpick, and the other is probing a plate of orange globules.

I am a photojournalist.

Here's another tent shielding representatives of the "World's Only Underground Mountain Bike Park" from the deadly rays of the sun:


(Underground mountain bikers don't "do" sun.)

The acronym for "World's Only Underground Mountain Bike Park" could almost be "WOMB," which would be cool, so if they moved the park to the surface of the earth they'd at least be one letter closer, as the acronym would then be "WOMBP."  Of course, then they'd have a hard time defending the bold claim that they're the "World's Only Mountain Bike Park."  As it is, even claiming they're the world's only underground mountain bike park is a stretch, because when it snows I like to ride my mountain bike on the subway tracks, so you could say I invented the concept.*

*[Disclaimer: this is a lie.  Riding a bicycle on the subway tracks will result in death by high voltage, steel wheels, and hungry rats, probably in that order.]

Here's the "Pow!  E-Rice" tent:


"Pow!  E-Rice" is a fried rice-like ride fuel for mountain bikers that comes in a cardboard Chinese-style takeout container.  Flavors include "Shreddin' Shrimp," "Pump Track Pork," and "Non-Alliterative Chicken."

You can also eat the chopsticks.

So what's the difference between roadies and mountain bikers?  Sure, they dress differently and they ride different bikes, but it goes much deeper than that.  Consider the fact that mountain bikers must use tools to maintain the trails on which they ride, whereas roadies don't do anything to help anybody, and are merely tools themselves:


Granted, I don't do crap by way of trail-building or maintenance, but that's going to change when I finally take delivery of the Sutter 300 Bull-Doze-O-Matic I ordered:


What can I say?  It was an impulse buy.

Central Park's about to get some sweet new mountain bike trails, and I'm sure the Parks Department won't mind at all.

Another difference between roadies and mountain bikers is that roadies motorpace behind Vespas, whereas mountain bikers fire up motorcycles and drag barbed metal hammocks behind them:


See that?


The way this works is if you injure yourself out on the trail the rescue worker throws you on this thing and drags you to the hospital.

Here's another kid making with the radness at an age when plenty of other children still don't even know how to ride:


And here's the demo bike area:



Alas, I did not sample the latest in inverted fork technology:


Though I did attempt to borrow an e-bike, since e-bikes and trail access was one of the main issues at this year's summit.

Sadly, they were all gone:


Though after browsing the demo area I did go to the e-bike "Flashpoint Discussion" session:

E-bikes and Trail Access: Electric-assist bicycles are a fast-growing category. This discussion will examine the evolving management strategies and best practices for e-bikes on natural surface trails. Facilitated by IMBA Communications Director Mark Eller; panelists include IMBA Executive Director Mike Van Abel; NICA Executive Director and Recreation Planning Consultant, Austin McInery; Randy Neufeld, SRAM; Larry Pizzi, Currie Technologies; Samuel Benedict, Specialized Bicycles.

With some exceptions, I think it's probably a pretty bad idea to allow electric-assist mountain bikes on trails, though by far the most memorable part of the session was when the guy from Specialized concocted an elaborate metaphor involving a cyborg horse in order to make a point about e-bikes I was entirely unable to discern.

So remember: when Specialized introduces an S-Works line of equestrian supplies and crabon robo-horses, you read about it here first.

From the e-bike session I then hopped into the fat bike session taking place next door:

Fat Bikes and Trail Access: Considered a fad just a few years ago, fat bikes have emerged as a meaningful trend in bicycling with application to winter sports, sand sports and backcountry travel. The go-everywhere capability of fat bikes has inspired discussions about how to best manage their use at Nordic facilities, multi-use trails and public beaches. Facilitated by IMBA Upper Midwest Region Director Hansi Johnson. Invited speakers include Gary Sjoquist, QBP/Salsa; Andy Williams, Grand Targhee Resort; Candy Fletcher, Marquetter County Convention and Visitors Bureau Recreation Marketing Director.

Oddly, it was 40 degrees colder in the fat bike room, there was the sound of howling wind, and everyone had crew cuts and talked like "Fargo:"


The one thing I took away from this session is that fat bikers spend an insane amount of time grooming snowy trails in order to make them rideable, which surprised me, because I thought the whole point of fat bikes was that you could ride them anywhere.  Honestly, if you have to drive around all day on a snowmobile before you can even think of going for a ride then it hardly seems worth it.  Plus, while all the fat bikers are out doing that, who the hell is at home shoveling the walk?

Surly should come out with a new fat bike and call it the "Divorce Attorney."

Then from the fat bike session I headed over to the Bar Mitzvah tent:


Where I participated in the lamest session of all:


Here's a picture of me making "air quotes" before a nonplussed crowd:


Someone commented recently that all the men at the IMBA World Summit appear to be bald, but I have no idea what they're talking about.

I also deny all rumors that IMBA is merely a front for the Hair Club® For Men‎.

The next morning was supposed to see the start of the so-called "Epic Ride."  However, it had rained hard all night, and when I peeled back the curtains the sky looked like this:


Judging from the condition of the hot tub area, I assumed sending a hundred or so people out into the mountains would be a bad call:


Sure enough, out of concern for the well-being of both the riders and the trails, IMBA cancelled the "epic," and so three of us went for a road ride instead:


I never got closer than this to my riding partners:


And as soon as the road went up I didn't see them at all:



Once again, Moots were kind enough to lend me a suitable bicycle:


Actually, it was a lot more than suitable:


In fact, I'd strongly recommend never riding this bicycle unless you're prepared to buy it, because that's exactly what you'll want to do:


After the ride, there wasn't much left to do but let the Lycra dry and count the hours before my departure time:



Thanks very much to IMBA, Moots, and everyone who came to the summit.

Yours etc., 



--Wildcat Rock Machine




152 comments:

ken e. said...

podium!

chunkylover said...

lackadaisical barnacle

ken e. said...

I'd like to thanks smut and little tractors everywhere.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

poodio

Serial Retrogrouch said...

nooot

Anonymous said...

Crank from Allentown, PA

Kenny Banya said...

ken e. leadout

Buffalo Bill said...

Titanium: heavier than aluminum, weaker than steel.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Top 10 Scanuses

Freddy Murcks said...

Dammit!

BamaPhred said...

Scranus

Schisthead said...

Is it too late to change my name to "Pump Track Pork"?


Mmmm... tasty.

Flyover BC said...

Dang it missed the top ten

Comment deleted said...

I can relate, Rock Machine. Last year I bought a Saturn V first stage booster on impulse.

Boy, are my neighbors pissed.

3G said...

Divorce Attorney is the best name for a bike yet. That's gold!!

JB said...

PWRP OYNT

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...more wet panties... or IMBA gonna complain.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

"Consider the fact that mountain bikers must use tools to maintain the trails on which they ride, whereas roadies don't do anything to help anybody, and are merely tools themselves"

Dang Wildcat, You're like the Dalai Lama of bikes.

Anonymous said...

You were right in your paranoia: that girl was actually avoiding you.

Best,

King of Park City said...

Ride in mountains cancelled due to weather?

Pussies.

dancesonpedals said...

I'm sorry your epic ride was cancelled. OTOH, 50 people didn't need an ER visit after wet trail hijinks. I was going to say the training is never wasted, but I'm no Pollyanna.

Flyover BC said...

The reason fat bikers need to maintain the trails is that after they ride in the snow once, the ruts freeze making the trail un-ridable the next day.

Vernal Magina said...

Wtf is a plennary?

(And before anyone says, "Jefe, do you know what a 'plennary' is? ... )

Anonymous said...

You're not going bald wildcat, you're just growing more flesh colored hair.

Anonymous said...

Looks darn pretty out there in Colorado. Beats the fuck out of route 9 in jersey.

BikeSnobNYC said...

King of Park City,

Uh, I think good trail stewardship is probably a little more important to IMBA than not being "pussies."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey look! there's some moose out in the field on the last Moots pic.

Flyover BC said...

Those aren't hand quotes, I think your leading the audience in a sing along of a Daisy Belle aka "A Bicycle Built for Two".

BTW that kid isn't young, his growth was stunted by too much time at altitude.

grog said...

looking forward to part iv
multiple scranii

Anonymous said...

Crank - Easton here. Buffalo Bill - you forgot expensive. But there are bad things about titanium too.

Snob - I hear good things about MOOTS. If I ever get to ride again I will have to try a few.

cycle

Bryan said...

Again, I feel like I owe Moots $$ just looking at that bike. You think they would accept the future promise of trading them my first born for one of their bikecycles?

BamaPhred said...

Snob sez says "I have a plethora of plennaries."

Yes, stunted growth at altitude, and having to wear that diving bell for a helment

Vernal Magina said...

... or even 'plenary', for that matter.

What kinds of words are these...

babble on said...

Gidday, peeples!

Oh hey! I'm a tool!!

I know it may be a moot point, but I sure do like the look of those bikes... they kinda remind me of my happy place.

I took a page from your book, snobberdooderdoo, and posted Part one of my two part weekend, too. xo xo

DB said...

Dear Photojournalist Snob:
Well done, Sir. Great story.

Q: were there any women there?

Anonymous said...

While it is refreshing to see a woman associated with mtbiking not covered in tattoos, I have to ask what is going on in her abdominal area? Does she have a purse under her shirt? A kid? An alien getting ready to burst forth?

PotbellyJoe said...

I feel like any $10,000 bike I am offered to ride would make me consider buying it. Too bad you had already blown your budget on the Sutter Home 300...

matthew norville said...

too bad you didn't ride the epic trail, almost seems like a wasted trip....

Flyover BC said...

Never you mind what's under her shirt. Beside it's prolly a honey pot.

Anonymous said...

"Let the Lycra dry"...that's Colorady for getting naked with your riding buddies, isn't it?

crosspalms said...

Sand sports. Sand sports?

But hats off to you for titling your talk "Beer courtesy of Avery Brewing." That probably pulled in most of the audience. It would have gotten me, that's for sure.

PotbellyJoe said...

I think Wired magazine was loaned the same Moots mountaineering bike cycle for test writing.

Which can mean two things:
1. Moots sees your semi-professional bikycle blog as equal to Wired
2. Moots only has one bike they loan out to people who want to write about them.

McFly said...

Is that Dirt-Bike Catapult for real?

Touched said...

I heard that your talk was "hilarious". Who would have thought?

McFly said...

And why do you have a box of Kleen-X by the bathtub? The whole point of cranking down in the tub is easy clean up.

Flyover said...

Are all mountain bikers stocky?

Most of them around here look too heavy to do much climbing.

I assume they buy a lift ticket to the ski area, ride up for 15-20 minutes and then coast down the switch-back trails.

Anonymous said...

' at which point a dozen or so preternaturally fit and talented Colorado children would ride their bikes right over my face.'

As someone who occasionally pretends to be competent, or moderately fit enough, to ride a mountain bike in Colorado, I can confirm this to be partially true. That is to say, I've had my ass handed to me by women, children, dudes way older than me, and trail runners.. but - they are all extremely nice, and even encouraging about leaving you in the dust.

leroy said...

Well this is disappointing.

My dog assured me there was going to be a puppet show.

Are you sure those are air quotes and not the opening scene from King Lear where the Earl of Kent is introduced to the Earl of Gloucester's bastard son Edmund (who was just mean to everyone) as staged with finger puppets?

Or are you manipulating a marionette just out of the photo's frame?

Stuart Rasmussen said...

Wonder what BSNYC told IMBA regarding: "5 things we need to rein in on the bike."

tobeistobex said...

Did the Moots road bike have a "blow up" or "let's disintegrate" wheel set?

JLRB said...

Snob - On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your talk?

AND of equal impotence - how were the Avery brews? (I peeked at their website - am now thirsty)

But, girls in the witness protection program should not work for stinger.

JB said...

Who's going to post a youtube vid of that Snob talk, with pixelated face of course?

Freddy Murcks said...

Jesus tits. Moots loaned you a road bike with cable-actuated shitting!?! What kind of rinky dink operation are they running down there? Don't they know that the rain and cold temperatures, coupled with the lack of oxygen, could have left you without enough hand strength to shift? You should have thrown the bike into the Yampa and told them to fuck off. That would have been hardcore - maybe even YRHC.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like, no creaky bottom bracket on the Mootznitz. That's nice.

The bottom bracket on my Langster sounds like an old ship at the dock in a windstorm. Same cadence because I can't spin for shiite!

vsk

JLRB said...

IMBA(ld) Scores New Sponsor

MaterialScienceBot9000 said...

"Titanium: heavier than aluminum, weaker than steel."

Being wrong is easy and takes no effort. Being right requires some thought and study. Here is a start at the study part:

http://sheldonbrown.com/frame-materials.html

http://www.ibiscycles.com/support/technical_articles/metallurgy_for_cyclists/

Not Now Honey said...

Flyover @ 1:14. I don't know why, but your comment reminded me of my ex-wife.

DB said...

Not Now Honey, 3:10, COD.

JLRB said...

MaterialscifiBot - It is simpler than all that - titanium is the best because I likes it so.

Diller a Dollar said...

I feel that the materials and craftsmanship that go into a titanium bike will hold their value much better than any crapon fibre product, so not only does one get a sweet ride they get a good investment as well.

Anonymous said...

Plus it's a great way to say "fuck you" to poor people.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I like titanium for its wonderful smell.

Fucked Poor People said...

And Ti cures bloating and flatulence common to all energy supplements

Diller a Dollar said...

Not true, good sir. I tend to restrict my two wheeled constitutionals to areas that are not frequented by those that have a lesser gross incomes.

Buffalo Bill said...

Thanks for the backup matscibot.
According to Sheldon (pbuh)
Density
Al: 168 lb/ft3
Ti: 280 lb/ft3
ergo: Ti is heavier

Yield Strength:
Steel: 46 to 162 x 103 psi
Ti: 40 to 120 x 103 psi
... Ti is weaker.

I say that shit to all my friends with ti bikes, so far you're the only one to let it get to them though.

Evil Genius said...

The nicer the bike the more it hurts when it gets stolen. Mwah ha ha.

Oberon said...

Did someone say Titania?

Anonymous said...

Beaver!

BamaPhred said...

That Moots road bike has Divorce Attorney stamped all over it. Probably a $10K+ bike?

JLRB said...

Buffalo Bill -

Are you really in Buffalo? Sorry if you are.

Sheldon says more:
"These generalities, however, are basically meaningless, because you wouldn't build frames out of the three different metals to the same tubing dimensions!

Real bicycles take the nature of the material into account in selecting the diameter and wall thickness of each piece of tubing that goes to make up the frame. Stiffness is mainly related to the tubing diameter. Strength is mainly related to the wall thickness, though diameter also enters into it. Weight is affected both by diameter and wall thickness."

Roille Figners said...

Yeah thanks for the study opportunity but it would seem titanium's advantage is in subtle shit like elastic deformation and the stiffness-to-weight ratio. Though fucking with poor people is a bonus I hadn't thought of. Kind of true though -- it's not like Latin America is poor, while meanwhile we JUST HAPPEN to have the wealth & energy to build shit out of titanium. We set up wealth-extracting systems (a.k.a. corporations) in those countries years ago. And now those people want to follow their own wealth up here to where it's located now, and we're like, oh heeyall no, we're gonna build a wall along the border.

Though I'm not sure, maybe that's to keep us in.

^ ^ ^
DEEP

Roille Figners said...

\Y/
HXC
/R\

Spokey said...

good morning folks. up bright and early. finished the first cup and read for the second

Buffalo Bill said...

JLRB, you will be astonished to hear that I am fully cognizant of the trade-offs of bicycle materials and the benefits of titanium.

If I told you that line was intended to piss off owners of titanium bicyclecycles, would it make it sting a little less?

As for Buffalo, the travelling wild west show went through there once but didn't think much of it and haven't been back.

JLRB said...

Dear BB -
I am indeed astonished. Stupidity and sarcasm look the same on-line.

Would it make you fell less of a troll if I told you I don't care much about anyone else's views of materials I choose to ride?

F. Hugh Armstrong said...

WORLD'S ONLY MOUNTAIN BIKE-UNDER GROUND HAVEN

WOMB-UGH

Freddy Murcks said...

Roille Figners said... "now ... we're gonna build a wall along the border."

Is the wall made out of titanium? That'd be really cool if it was.





849

Drock said...

Fat bikes for fat wives, less truing that way or is it more truing...

BamaPhred said...

Deep, RF You came to the same conclusion that Maj Gen Smedley Butler did. War is a Racket and added And now they want to ...follow their wealth...


I know, I know, I'm risking being banished to Bard again.

MaterialScienceBot9000 said...

"Density
Al: 168 lb/ft3
Ti: 280 lb/ft3
ergo: Ti is heavier

Yield Strength:
Steel: 46 to 162 x 103 psi
Ti: 40 to 120 x 103 psi
... Ti is weaker."


Now if you can figure out yield strength per unit weight you will be making progress.

A short cut would be to notice bicycle frames of equal strength made from the 3 alloys, with tube diameter and thickness designed to match the material properties:

AL is the lightest, stiffest and has a finite fatigue life.

TI has the middle weight, and infinite corrosion and fatigue life (or at least a fatigue life many time a human life span.)

Steel is the heaviest, has an infinite fatigue life and a short corrosion life if not kept painted.

Freddy Murcks said...

Buffalo Bill - in addition to being a fucking idiot who trolls his friends as well as trolling strangers on the internet, your statement is a logical fallacy in that it attempts to generalize from the bulk properties of materials to the properties of articles made from that material. Who gives a shit if Ti is heavier than aluminum and weaker than steel in bulk? It's the properties of the article made from that material that matter. Empirically, Ti frames are lighter than steel and similar to Al frames. Subjectively, people say that they admire the ride qualities of Ti over steel or Al.






2307

Buffalo Bill said...

Geez, tone it down kids. My trolling comment was a completely true statement about the differences between three metals. I'm sure your ti bicyclecycles are very nice indeed. You don't need to defend your purchase decisions to anyone.

Unless you're riding a budnitz.

BamaPhred said...

I commented to the cat, just now, that a titanium bike would be a nice addition. She horked up a hairball. She must have been corrupted by Leroy's Dog, in some mysterious, animal telepathic way.

MaterialScienceBot9000 said...

"Steel is the heaviest, has an infinite fatigue life and a short corrosion life if not kept painted."

As a follow up:
- Stainless steel has an (almost) infinite corrosion life.
- A bicycle frame made from an extreme high strength steel alloy (like Reynolds 953) would weigh about the same as an equal strength Ti frame. But the steel tube thickness would be so thin it would be extremely vulnerable to denting.

gE said...

Wow, that crowd seems more nonplussed than usual. Must be the lack of shed content.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey Snob that thing must have felt all kinds of weird to you with that short stem on it?

All this talk of exotic frame materials has got me itching for the ole ti fred chariot. Its no Moots but its light and fast, sexy bare metal and a ride like butta. I'm off to look down my nose at the peasants as they toil in the fields.

ELEC TRIC
BOOG ALOO

Titanium Man said...

Maybe our host could write a review/shoot out between the Moots and the Ritte.

Sexual Harassment Panda said...

Steel is real?
Bamboo is better.

AYHSMB

What's so holy about mackerel said...

troll2
trōl/
verb
gerund or present participle: trolling

1.
informal
make a deliberately offensive or provocative online posting with the aim of upsetting someone or eliciting an angry response from them.
"if people are obviously trolling then I'll delete your posts and do my best to ban you"
2.
fish by trailing a baited line along behind a boat.
"we trolled for mackerel"

Budnitz said...

Troll = If I told you that line was intended to piss off owners of titanium bicyclecycles

Flyover BC said...

Not now, did my comment remind you of your ex because:
She said "never you mind"?

She didn't like you commenting on what was under other womens' shirt?

She didn't appreciate your curiosity about what any woman might have under her shirt, especially hers?

She always had a comment to add, "after never you mind"

Blog Drafter said...

They shoot titanium don't they?

Today's vitriolic comments reminds me of a joke I heard at work recently. It's probably an old joke and it's kinda mean, but here goes:

Two Jews and a Polack walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "Get the fucking Hell out of here!"

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed with the way Snobby lays out his spandex to dry, but there's no hint as to whether he washes his stuff in the correct manner.

Perhaps a spandex washing and drying tutorial could be the subject of tomorrow's treatise?

Here's a few quick tips to get the ball rolling; in hotel rooms, soak your spandex in hot water in a basin. Add a squirt of shampoo or body wash or any liquid soapy stuff and mush up your spandex, "massaging" the cleansing consommé into all the little micro fibres.

Then rinse thoroughly and wring dry as best you can with your hands. After that, lay out a towel in the same way you would a beach towel at a beach. Place your hand-dried-spandex, one item at a time, in the middle of the towel and "wrap it up", then, grabbing it at both ends, twist it tight squishing the life and any remaining moisture out of the spandex.

This practice works best (both as an observer or participant) if you have two naked people twisting the towel at either end.

Finally, you drape the nearly-dry spandex on the antlers of the mounted-moose-head-trophy nearest the air conditioning unit, which turn up to full blast, and it dries in next to no time.

Works for socks and undies, too.

Anonymous said...

As vitriolic and nonplussed as today’s comments may be, still not as bad as yesterday’s comments about rats and turkey hen anatomy

Roille Figners said...

It's like somebody insulted somebody's religion up in here.

Anonymous said...

What does any of this have to do with wheel sizes? Please stick to the point, people.

JLRB said...

don't mind me

JLRB said...

I'm not sprinting

JLRB said...

barely pedaling

JLRB said...

100

JLRB said...

woo f'n hoo

must have been the titanium mouse

Roille Figners said...

Another unopposed centipodi?

Escalade Driver said...

What could possibly be a better way to say "fuck you" to poor people than to ride a titanium bike. I'm sure they note the nuances of different frame materials as you pass them by and subsequently equate the discrepancies of the socio-economic conditions between the you (the rider) and themselves (the viewer).

leroy said...

Anon 6:05 --

Isn't it possible that the lycra was laid out to dry after riding in the rain and not after washing?

I mean it looks like a bathtub ring.

Peter G said...

I knew I never was a badass MTB'r. I never knew how pathetic, though, until I heard about a 10 year old girl who rode mountainbike unicycle, and won races in Pisgah.

Cyclo-troll said...

Escalade Driver I think your probably projecting, but in any case, most escalade drivers are

1). insecure dweebs trying to distract others from their otherwise unimpressive visages

2). secure dweebs with a realistic self-image who are trying to attract others despite their otherwise unimpressive visages.

2).pimps/drug dealers

3). or fools with more money than brains.

Cyclo-troll said...

I'm sure that poorer people might be jonesin' on escalades, but I doubt most bikes riders give a second glance at a Ti bike, assuming they know one when they see it.

If you choose your bike for snob appeal, or so you can feel better about your income, you need to spend more time riding with folks who are fitter than yourself, cause money won't replace hard work, good genes, and youth.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure that kit is much more effective at projecting class differences than frame material for the average person you might come across on most any ride.

Wink, wink!

Anonymous said...

BTW, snob has no appeal, that's his schtick.

Frederico F. Fredriksen said...

I just saw an episode of The Simpsons in which David Byrne appears and is driving a freshly-Simonized car when he decides to start dancing on the hood. He then proceded to fall of the hood and land in Moe's vehicle before being taken to an unspecified location to recreate the movie Misery.

Is that the reason the esteemed Mr. Byrne has chosen not to own a car?

David said...

Yes it is - life is after all a fox cartoon

Anonymous said...

Leroy 6:55 --

I suppose it's possible, but there's more than one spandex outfit, as well as four pairs of socks and a couple of other items I can't identify and would rather not speculate about.

Unless costume changes are a regular part of Snobby's ride routine, I would maintain that what we are seeing is Snobby's freshly laundered wardrobe drying.

As for bathtub rings, I don't think that's even a bathtub. I'm pretty sure it's an automated drive washing machine. You drop your wheels, place the bike in the tub and those jets squirt a carefully calibrated sequence of stuff to clean and lube your drive gear.

dop said...

buffalo B..I'd like your views on ford v. chevy, shimano v.campy & ohio state v. Mich.....you seem able to get to comments rolling./...and let's bring back gspot...we got to argue about circle tits

Escalade Driver said...

Ummm... I don't actually own an Escalade or even a car for that matter. I just picked a recognizable symbol of excess as a non de plume to bring out the absurdity of the commenter's statement I was mocking.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 6:05pm,

Or just throw it in the washing machine, which is what I did.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Mercedes G-Class driver said...

All you Escalade owners can lick my brush bar.

McFly said...

I can't figure out why the turkeys don't just have a menage a trois. I mean......they are animals and have no conscience remorse of partner betrayal. Oh wait......the beak.......the beak is why. That can't be good.

Fred of the Sea said...

I'm a sociopath without a beak and do I get that kind of action?

Roille Figners said...

I would say it's less about who KNOWS your bike is expensive, and more about the mere FACT that it is, but anyway.

Holy Roller said...

Mercedes G-Class or Cadillac Escalade. Which would Jesus Buy? Hmmmm... They are both cross-overs and I think he had a hang-up about that sort of thing.

Steve Ford said...

That's "ConMan" from San Diego. He'd happy stay small if it meant he could stay in Steamboat!

Steve Ford said...

Hey. ..it's an XS. But so is he.lol

P. Bateman said...

good heavens. a lot of knees and elbows in the comments today.

proof that altitude and Ti are not good for anyone.

all this on a weed wed? sort of strange.

four hour erection said...

Woo hoo! It's quieter here in Ferguson than on this comment board!

Bill's Mom said...

Dear buffalo bill - it's ok - everyone loves you just the way you are

JB said...

Jesus drives this pick-up truck with a tool box (he is a carpenter).

That's right. He also rides a hardtail Kona with the pedals that came on it.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Not only does it make excellent bicycle frames:

"Benefits of Medical Titanium

Strong
Lightweight
Corrosion Resistant
Cost-efficient
Non-toxic
Biocompatible (non-toxic AND not rejected by the body)
Long-lasting
Non-ferromagnetic
Osseointegrated (the joining of bone with artificial implant)
Long range availability
Flexibility and elasticity rivals that of human bone"

-from Bio-Medical Titanium

Anonymous said...

They build nuclear subs out of titanium, not steel. Case closed IMHO.

dancesonpedals said...

speaking of a 4 hour erection, who in the world would show it to their doctor? (unless she's really hot)...i'm showing it to uma Thurman & Julie Roberts (ok, my wife gets first dibs)

Anonymous said...

Any woman that blocks her face when she see's a dick coming at her knows what's up.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Aaaaaaaand the SR-71 had a titanium skin over its aluminum airframe to resist the incredible heat generated by mach 3 supersonic flight. That aeroplane still holds world records for fasted speeds 20 years after its retirement.

BamaPhred said...

Not to mention titanium shoulder, knee, and hip "upgrades"

crosspalms said...

RCT,
Well that's depressing. No matter how fast I go, I'm still a long way from needing a titanium skin for protection. On the upside, I guess I can take the money I save and spend it on loud jerseys.

gE said...

I used to like Ti before this discussion. Now it just seems douchey.

Cyclo-troll said...

Escalade driver--I knew I should have put in the disclaimer about sarcasm, etc.

Anonymous said...

Sarcasm has no place in this blog.

bait and switch said...

would you tie me uo with one of your ties, ty?


JB said...

STOP THE PRESSES: Fat Recumbent Trike

Fred of the Sea said...

The prosthetic disks in my C-spine are steel. They wanted to put in Ti, but I wanted that classic feel.

Stuart Rasmussen said...

Uncle Dan has a review of BSNYC at Steamboat:
http://mountainbiketrailerpark.blogspot.com/2014/08/ebikes-and-chainsaws-imba-world-summit.html

BamaPhred said...

Screw having to carry chainsaws and shovels to ride. I ride to get away from that kind of stuff.

JLRB said...

to masturbate this dead horse - ti is better because its douchier

har de har said...

can we mute this ti debate?

System Admin said...

yes you can mute - type in ctrl, alt FU

dancesonpedals said...

actually, you could masturbate a dead horse; it all depends on what he was thinking when he died

crosspalms said...

The earpieces of my glasses are titanium. I can read a lot faster now.

Roille Figners said...

Darnit, I was promised a post on a topic TBD -- my favorite topic! 10am hippy old-growth pot-smoking beach-combing surferdude corporate coffee-break time here in America's cell phone belt holster and still no Snobberdoodledoo?

Anonymous said...

"They" build nuclear subs out of titanium. Here in the USofA, we build 'em outta STEEL.

dop said...

he's still on mtn time

JLRB said...

150 yipee

Fred of the Sea said...

Re: the dead horse: If he died of or with a spinal cord transection, he might have already gotten off at the time of his demise.

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