Monday, June 23, 2014

Leave this section blank--for employer use only.

[Wizened old man sidles up next to me at the bar and starts talking before I'm able to leave.]

I'm going to tell you what's wrong with the new generation.

[Grabs my bicep with his bony hand, which despite looking and feeling like a bird claw is surprisingly strong.]

In my day, you could trust bike racers because they cheated with integrity.  They hopped a train mid-stage.  They snorted some strychnine.  They kicked up their feet and watched French sitcoms while enjoying a refreshing blood transfusion in the hotel during the rest day.

Not these new kids!  No sir or ma'am!  (I can't sex you young people no more what with your long hair and your nipple rings.)  Take this Froome character for instance.  He's as doped as the next guy, but just because he's "sick" it's "legal:"


Froome fell ill during the race and the Sky team doctor Allen Farrell put in the TUE application to allow Froome to take 40mg of the oral corticosteroid, per day. French newspaper La Journal du Dimanche reported that the UCI medical adviser Dr Michele Zorzoli had fast-tracked the TUE application at the Tour de Romandie.

By this time I was able to extricate myself from the Ancient Mariner's claw by jabbing at it repeatedly with one of those tiny plastic cocktail swords, at which point the bartender chased him out of the establishment by hitting him with a broom.  Still, the old coot had a point.  Why should you be allowed to take a banned substance just because you weren't feeling well that day?  Shouldn't you have to either lose or stop racing?  What's the real difference between taking corticosteroid because you got sick during a race and getting a blood transfusion during the third week of the Tour because your body won't recover?  Seems to me they shouldn't allow any of it, or else they need to allow all of it.

Also, I'm amazed Chris Froome can race a bike at all at this point, much less win major stage races.  The guy's got a blood parasite, he needs corticosteroids mid-race, and his asthma's so bad he needs to suck on an inhaler while he's riding:


At this rate they're going to give him a TUE for a Gruber Assist.

By the way, I was researching ("researching" is pretentious for "G--gling") Froome's blood parasite, and I learned that it can cause something often mistaken for "male menstruation:"


In some tropical peoples that work in wet places such as rice fields, most boys pick up Schistosoma, and start the bleeding, about puberty when they start working in the rice fields, and uneducated locals think that it is normal and refer to it as the male equivalent of female menstruation, and call it by their native language word for "menstruation".

It's worth noting that it's impossible follow pro cycling without having a deep knowledge of subjects such as hematocrit levels, the difference between autologous and homologous blood transfusions, chimeras, corticosteroids, Clenbuterol-tainted meat, and now male menstruation.  To me, this is exactly what's wrong with the sport.  Somehow, the rest of the world manages to sit back and watch a bunch of people kick a ball around, yet I wind up reading about children bleeding from their penises.

Moving on (you're welcome), here is a video to which I was alerted by a reader that explores the complex interplay between childlike fascination and total cluelessness:



The video is a profile of this couple.  They love each other, which is nice, and so they do stuff together, which is also nice:


(Nice.)

What kind of stuff do they do together?  Well, stuff no other couple in the history of humankind has ever done together, such as eating food:


And riding bikes:


They also have what they call a unique living situation, by which I mean it's not:


"Our work situation and living situation is pretty unique.  We live on one side of a duplex, and then the other side of a duplex is our office."

How is this even remotely unique?  If they lived on a submarine and worked in a decommissioned nuclear silo then that might be unique, but this sounds like the typical live/work scenario that is the basis of a million Craigslist apartment ads.

And the way they go about their work is as unique as the situation in which they do that work:


"Whenever I'm working I'm starting one project and then it takes me to another project, and I'm constantly like back-and-forth and back-and-forth."

Right, because that's what working is.  This is like saying, "Whenever I'm taking one mouthful, I'm chewing it and swallowing, and then I'm taking another mouthful."

You might imagine someone with such a unique approach to working has a similar approach to not working, and you'd be right:


"When I'm on my bike, it's like I get a focus on like, 'What do my legs feel like right now, how hard am I breathing right now.'  I get a focus on my...self for the first time?"

So, like, you mean you're pedaling a bike and you're having fun?  Yeah, us too, welcome to bikes.

It really is fascinating to watch someone discover the concept of "recreation" as they're describing it to you.

But there's more to riding bikes than having fun and not working while moving your legs.  There's also weather:


"Having the sun hit your skin, like, being outdoors.  The sensory experience involved in that?  That's something that like our human ancestors experienced for 200,000 years and, like, a lot of times we're disconnected from that?"

It's true, we are somewhat disconnected from the sun when we're inside, I'll give him that.  However, I'd also imagine that our human ancestors were similarly disconnected from the sunlight 200,000 years ago on those occasions when they retreated into their caves to hide from sabertooth tigers.

Sun isn't the only thing that amazes him, either.  He's also amazed by the wind:


"When else do you think about the wind?"

An excellent question.  When do you think about the wind?  Well, let's see: getting dressed in the morning, walking, running, carrying an umbrella, wearing a floppy hat, wearing a skirt, wearing a necktie, sailing, swimming, flying a kite, reading a newspaper on a park bench, setting up a beach blanket...  Yeah, pretty much all the time, really.  In fact, wind is probably third only to precipitation and temperature as far as the atmospheric conditions that dictate your day.  You wake up and you look out the window.  What are you wondering?  Three things: 1) Is it raining?  2) Is it cold?  3) Is it windy?  Then, you get dressed accordingly, and you go to work--you know, the place where you go back-and-forth among numerous projects.

Next, they discover the concept of exhaustion:


"And then there's always a threshold.  So, at what given point...are my legs at, and so, like, am I close to that threshold?"

It was at this point I realized that I was watching a documentary about two synthetic humans who have just emerged from a pod that aliens recently planted on the Earth, and whose mission is to live among us as they gather data about our planet.

But then the narrative takes a strange turn, as the Male Humanoid tells the story of his first century:


"When we get to mile 90?  I mean, when we realized that we're actually 30 miles away from home?  That was the darkest place I've ever been."

Wow.  That was the darkest place you've ever been, really?  The time you got really hungry on a bike ride and you needed a snack?

This confirmed my suspicion about the pod.

So what happened on that ill-fated century:


"I kept yawning?"

Yeah, us too.

Then he took a nap in a cornfield:


After which he woke up completely rested and restored:


From this, I conclude that before the aliens launched them from the mother ship in the pod and they simply programmed him to think that the voyage to Earth was a century ride.  So it makes sense that the "century" would be the formative experience in his very short life.  It also makes sense that they crashed in a cornfield, at which point they emerged from the pod and began gathering data for the imminent alien invasion:


It's all so clear to me now.  They're the anti-Adam and anti-Eve and they're sowing the seeds of humanity's destruction--not that we're exactly living in an Eden as it is:



You:
A crooked helmet
A crashed bicycle in the middle of the sidewalk with the wheel still spinning.
Apple headphones.
Bleach blonde greasy hair (possible chunks of a regurgitated cheap dinner clinging to it)
Ass hanging out peeing against a VW..possibly #2? ill find out in the morning on my way to work! :D
Drooling and could barely stand up straight struggling with your belt, zipper, etc.


Me:
Annunciating my words like telling Gary Busi a bed time story after a batch of pot brownies. (Couldn't tell if the headphones were a disguise to pester off human interaction).
I offered to call you and pay for a cab. You rudely refused (and burped up a little something).
I came back a minute later trying to do the right thing and asked if you were sure and strongly urged you to walk your bike and NOT ride your bike home.(which...im sure...you fucking rode home like an idiot).

You:
Told me 'to just chill out' and rudely waved your hand in my face.

REALLY?! really.....??? "Just Chill Out..."? I thought coming home sober on a warm sunday evening with my my family 6 feet away from my apartment is as chilled out as a person can possibly be. 

I hope you veered off into East New York and are now drugged up in a cargo crate, on a ship, bobbing across the Atlantic over to Uzbekistan for a lifetime of miserable prostitution, infectious needles and poor nutrition. 
Happy AIDs! 
DONT FUCKING PEE NEAR MY HOUSE AGAIN. YOU'RE DISGUSTING. PLEASE GO BACK TO IOWA.

At least she was wearing a helment.

111 comments:

Jon Webb said...

Hey

mikeweb said...

Apres lunch.

Anonymous said...

POOD UMMM

pavel m. said...

top 5

Synonymous said...

Wow! I'm already in Iowa. Gravel.

ken e. said...

this post better be about bikes!

Morning Machine Fred said...

Top 10

wishiwasmerckx said...

Top ten.

Charles said...

Just made it

Anonymous said...

Dang !! There I was reading Lovely Bicycle again instead of hitting refresh! I'll never get Babble podium kisses!

vsk

Anonymous said...

Life on Planet Like must be, like, a likely bore.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Thinking about the wind.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm from Iowa and we don't pee on VW's... we pee in cornfields.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure this guy was on a bike before he got into the art, or that he rode away on one after he got out: http://news.artnet.com/people/32-ton-marble-vagina-traps-us-exchange-student-46442?utm_campaign=artnetnews&utm_source=062314daily&utm_medium=email

Todd Morris said...

Soooo, like, i counted, like, 35 likes being said in that, like video. I'm sure that I, like, missed some, because you know, like, it was mindnumbing to like, watch, let alone like, listen to.

That is all.

Like.

mikeweb said...

You know how some people have an annoying habit of pronouncing a statement like a question. Sometimes I just want to punch them in the face?

babble on said...

Maaaaaan oh man! I really did miss miss my calling. Shoulda been born a boy so I could join the ranks. I can cheat without any integrity whatsoever! When you're mutarded they hand out the medical exemptions along with the drugs left, right and centre. And everyone knows more drugs = more wins.

crosspalms said...

The Crooked Helmet is awarded to the most doped-up rider. Obviously the young woman thought she was peeing in a cup for the officials. She should not be sent to Iowa unless the results indicate she qualifies for RAGBRAI.

babble on said...

Vsk - XX

Just cause you're too healthy for your own good. They don't give you the good drugs.

Bryan said...

I could have made the top 3 podium if I didn't take time to read, and then 5 minutes that I will never get back to watch that video of like, that clueless couple? They like, totes deserve each other? I hope they don't like breed or anything. We do not like.....need any more clueless people. I mean like, doing a century in Texas in the summer? You really have to think about the wind, and then I go back and forth and think like about all the projects I am currently going back and forth with at like work?

You really need a warning before such videos that say you are guaranteed to lose brain cells if you watch. I'm not usually a violent person, but I kind of wanted to punch both of them and sew their mouths shut and tie them up in the desert so they can feel all the sun and wind they like

Anonymous said...

GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL!!

Comment deleted said...

Nice buffalo.

Did you know that Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo?

Well, they do.

Anonymous said...

funny craigslist post. I like the go back to iowa part.

P. Bateman said...

holy shit Snooberdoodle, EPIC (i stole that from the video) post today.

and kudos to the missed connections fellow and/or gal. also EPIC.

i was going to cancel my prescription to Bike Snob magazine but i'm now thinking i'll keep it.

Fine work sir.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Ms. Babble ! I needed that !! I hope you're feeling better.

Coughing is OK for me but sneezing? Better to hold it if I can.

Monday 1/2 gone !!

vsk

grog said...

25
DONT FUCKING PEE NEAR MY HOUSE AGAIN. YOU'RE DISGUSTING. PLEASE GO BACK TO IOWA.
Don't that just get into your corn flakes.

balls™ said...

I could've made the podium, but I was thinking about the wind.

babble on said...

HA!! :D

But you do have to wonder whether or not they had sex in the cornfield...

babble on said...

Yup. Much better, thanks. :)

What would it take to love Mondays? There was a time as a child in school...

babble on said...

Balls - right?

As you do.

Freddy Murcks said...

I had to get all the way to the end of the Missed Connections ad before I realized that the dude wasn't looking for a date. E.g.,

You: drunk white bold enough to be peeing on my block in the middle of the afternoon while I am arriving home with my family (i.e., my ball and chain)

Me: pretentious white guy hoping for a date with a woman who will agree to pee all over my face.




369

wishiwasmerckx said...

Missed connections girl is too embarrassed to show her vag in that neighborhood again.

DB said...

Like, Epic today, Wildcat.
I'm from Iowa and will hunt down and destroy this CL author.

DB said...

Have been enjoying watching the World Cup the past eleven days.
I'm glad there is one sporting event that is drug-free.
Oh, wait......

A Very Minor Poet said...

All in a hot and copper SKY
the blood red hemocrit at noon
right up against the limit did stand:
Cool it, cool it, Cris Froome.

Regular guy said...

Well, if you just had to wake up and walk to the other unit of a duplex to get to work, when would you need to think about the wind?

Only when you're peeing.

You don't want to pee into the wind. Or pee without a helmet, or pee in front of some peoples houses.

Something tells me that video couple wears diapers, so they don't even have to think about peeing.

McFly said...

Is green sweater ready for another mouthful?

David said...

I can't even begin to imagine how a parody of that video would go, especially when they both say "direction" at the same time about the wind.
Well done.

DB said...

Crosspalms is right. The angle of the helmet varies during Ragbrai. They are at thirty degrees on all families and children riding together in the front, and they are at 45 degrees in the last to arrive group.

Roille Figners said...

So if I, like, enter a bike race and I can somehow manage to catch, like, anemia or cancer or something like that? During the race? Then do you think they would let me have a blood transfusion.

dnk said...

Just on a lark, I tried to watch the video. Couldn't quite make it through all five minutes. They sure seem like nice people though. I kept wishing they'd ask me to donate money to pay for them to ride around the country.

leroy said...

Golly, I didn't know RAGBRAI went through Crown Heights.

Good to know.

JLRb said...

I like to think about wind when I am breaking it

Nofuckingwayiwatchthatvideobecauseireadthebook

leroy said...

My dog insists that I acknowledge that crosspalms beat me to the RAGBRAI reference.

I insist that it's not fair that my dog can do all of the things that inebriated rider did and the only reaction he gets is "aww, how cute, a doggie wearing a helmet."

Anonymous said...

The post read like a wonderful fan-fiction sketch of Portlandia. Well done.

BamaPhred said...

Everytime someone mentions Chris Froome I yawn, don't know why.

EPIC girl needs My Name is Katie tattoos from the My name is Kelly hall of shame.

And please, someone give that girl a turtle to pee on, STAT!.

Loved it today. I give it 11 Scranii on the Spinal Tap scale.

And Babble, the Summer Solstice has come and gone, it is officially Summer, I hear from the innerwebbs that sunlight is good for the endorphins. You know what to do. Just kidding, get well soon

Flyover BC said...

So, she's like back and forth and back and forth.

What about up and down and up and down, then a little of the old in and out and in and out?

I wonder if that buffalo and his hump are a subliminal message for their customers?

nscadu 9 said...

Snobby! Giving up on dogpile already?

dancesonpedals said...

When I look up an acronym on google, at the very least I hope to be directed to urban dictionary...why RAGBRAI, why?

Spokey said...

I don't get what's got snobby all bunched up in the pants yabbies.

I don't have a duplex (not allowed out here in god's country) but worked in the basement for quite awhile. Until I got rid of the last of those leeches that lived here for over 20 years. Now I'm on the first floor about 12 feet from my kitchen.

I can see an anemometer out one window so there is no problem with the wind.


Hmmm robot is blank. First time it has nothing to say. I guess I can try it. Nope. Didn't work. Guess robot was whispering.

Vernal Magina said...

Speaking of the wasted bike girl in the street (not really), did any other locals notice the fred/tridork who took a spill on the Brooklyn Bridge saturday afternoon?

Looked like a couple other peddlers had stopped to call in the cavalry for him down on the Brooklyn slant as I was riding up it -- and, curiously, as I was descending down into Manhattan I saw the EMTs finally strolling up from the Manhattan side...

The guy seemed somewhat alert as I rode past, but certainly quite dazed a bit. I wonder if he's pulled through alright.

McFly said...

In image #12 is she depicting the length of her ex?

She used to go to Poundtown before she got hooked up with that Ryan Gooseling rip-off.

Anonymous said...

Katie, here's something to do together. Take a shower and wash his greasy hair. What a dirt bag.

Flyover BC said...

Katie can't wash the greasy hair.

The grease keeps the comb-over plastered down in the wind. If it wasn't plastered down, he'd get a sunburn on his punkin' haid.

And now you now the rest of the story.

Do said...

I'd like to force that alien couple to speak declarative sent

Fred Clydesdale said...

that pod girl was kind of cute, but the fact that she chooses to live with a guy who says "dimferent" instead of "different" makes me want to go pee against a volkswagen.

BamaPhred said...

Of course, in Image #14 Taylor is indicating the size of his post century scranal swelling

McFly said...

Whats tucked in her jaw pouch in image #8 like so many nervous pre-winter squirrels?

Flyover BC said...

Now that I have actually watched the video, I didn't think it was all bad. I didn't listen to it, I just watched.

I think the first image of Katie riding the imaginary century was hot: thighs pumping up and down, a hint of perspiration, rhythmic breathing, and the dreamy look on her face.

Then they ruined it with the images of the dude. He looked like he was riding the seat post without the saddle.

Texas sure ain't what it used to be.

robot says "Trantag which" and I think that's too much info.



crosspalms said...

Leroy,
Iowa is bigger than people think. Easily big enough for both of us. It's as big as the wind. As big as the sun. And it goes back and forth.

Like so Like said...

So?

DB said...

Crosspalms:
Hope you enjoyed Chicago's Bike to Work Week and that you didn't get a City of Chicago flag bruise.
We should invite our big city coastal friends to Iowa someday for pee in the cornfields ride.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, didn't see much car peeing in Iowa...

dancesonpedals said...

Vern-

That guy was your high school english teacher...he may have seemed coherent when you passed, but he was babbling as they loaded him into van, "His name was Vernan Mangina when he sat in my class in rapid city"

crosspalms said...

DB,
Bike to Work week made me think of the wind. And the sun. And the rain. And free bagels and bananas.

BamaPhred said...

In image 5 Katie seems to be bent over the counter, with a forlorn look on her face, whilst Taylor is over in the corner trying to figure out his penis pump.

babble on said...

Let's see... I missed my first three time trials, missed the naked Vancouver bike ride, missed the solstice crusier ride, and hoooo boy do I ever miss Wreck Beach.

Soon. Surely soon. This sling is starting to feel redundant. Till then, I am just experiencing whole new realms of boredom on a trainer. How do people DO it? OMG I would so much rather ride in the wind, rain and snow all winter long than try and sustain my fitness on a trainer.

Thank goodness there's Netflix.

Bryan said...

OMG you guys, so I figured out why that video left me feeling so brain dead. It was produced by Whole Foods. No fucking joke. Dark Rye Productions "is an online magazine from Whole Foods Market® that explores the realms of food, health, sustainability, design, tech and social enterprise. Through our stories, recipes and creative projects, we hope to encourage you to jump-start your imaginations and inspire you to try something new. We’re imagining the best possible future, and we want you to join us. Get inspired. Be part of our story. Turn your dreams into something real."

Whole Foods is practically a magnet for people who actually act like those two in real life. :lightbulb turns on above head:

Anonymous said...

that video just happened!..i am fucking gobsmacked right now...

Anonymous said...

Babble has it cramped your ski-poling action?

Roille Figners said...

OK you guys had me curious enough to go watch the video. As expected, I absolutely could not hang.

Dooth said...

In the throes of their coital passion Katie yells to Taylor, "fuck me? fuck me?"

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Like Mr. Dylan I don't need a weatherman to tell which way the wind's blowing.

gE said...

Snob, I think I lasted through 3 minutes of that video? So thanks for the indepth analysis? Because I couldn't take it anymore? Also, the statements followed by questionmarks provided and annoyingly accurate representation of all the uptalking going on.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure this will be the last season of Portlandia. When did they replace Fred and Carrie?

Roille Figners said...

"I want you to like, give it to me? But like, harder?"

BamaPhred said...

Yes, RF, it can only be viewed in 30 second bites, with the remainder spent running to the porcelain god to invoke Ralph and Huey.

By the way, your post reminded me to sign up for RCT's Kickstarter on the flare scabbards. Waiting on the crabon upgrade.

How much abuse can one guy take from a Minivan armed soccer mom? A lot. I just assumed the cicada husk of despair look and kept on riding.

mikeweb said...

We're imagining the best possible future and we want you to join us.

So says the company founded and run by a self professed 'free market libertarian' who is a fan of Ayn Rand and Milton Friedman. Lovely.

Flyover BC said...

Whole foods Eh?

Waaay back in the mid-1980s, The Whole Foods in Austin, TX, was known as the health food store patronized by people who didn't look healthy.

So said the rock climbers that worked at Whole Earth Provisions, next door.

now the captcha's shipen its

Anonymous said...

If I could go back in time 20 years I would:

1) Find girls like Katie

2) Tell them what they want to hear

3) Diddle them on a blanket in a field

4) Rinse and repeat

The Translatorer said...

When I'm on my [Taylor], it's like I get a focus on like, 'What do my [vulva]feel like right now, how hard am I breathing right now.' I get a focus on my...[anus] for the first time?"

babble on said...

Thanks for the links today, snobbers. I like that wankmeister dude in sunny SoCal.

Even if I am lime green jelly.

That video literally brought tears of longing to my eyes. Riding with the fast boys is one of my all time favourite things. :)

Roille Figners said...

"best possible" future?

Interesting choice of words. "Well we can't have a great future but this is the best one possible."

All the guys in prison for life, take heart: You are already living your best possible future!

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Never watch the video, never....

"Somehow, the rest of the world manages to sit back and watch a bunch of people kick a ball around"
...is that all you can say about the World Cup, Snob? It was, like, totally EPIC yesterday.

1904 Cadardi said...

When I'm on my bike, my legs are all like up and down and up and down? But they also go, like, around and around? While, like, also going up and down? And we did what millions of people before us have done? And so that makes us unique? And Epic? Because the millions of people that have done exactly what we've done are epic too? Because their moms always told them they were, like, special? Just, like, our moms did?


Robot says 409, as in, not even 409 will get the memory of Taylor and Katie out of your head.

1904 Cadardi said...

RCT,

Great idea for the Highway Flare Holster (the HFH). Expect my contribution to your kickstarter if you include one feature:

An easy strike panel so flares can be ignited with one hand! Safety first, right?

Flyover BC said...

As I get older I think any future at all will be the best possible.

robot says related Oesore
pronounced Oh it's sore

Anonymous said...

Taylor and Katie should make a porn. With Katie pegging Taylor. Then Katie ski-poles the plumber and the landlord. Wait......Taylor is the guy, right? Fuck I hate androgeny.....

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to the TdF this year.

Anonymous said...

Was that not our old friend Everett Bogue playing the part of Taylor in that inspirational video?

Grump said...

Snobby, you missed the chance to cover the "STORY OF THE CENTURY". I hope the you can cover it tomorrow..............

"American Student Ends Up Trapped in Giant Vagina"

A total of 22 rescue workers with special equipment were deployed to the scene in the southern Germany city of Tuebingen on Friday to free the 20-year-old but a “forceps delivery was not necessary," local newspaper Schwaebisches Tagblatt noted.

Anonymous said...

stored up a lot of stuff in two days, eh?

DB said...

Okay, WIWM:
Here comes the lead out.

DB said...

It's kinda early, but I'm watching the Nats and will help you in.

Spokey said...

And spokey shifts to the middle ring

Spokey said...

And spokey shifts to the big ring

Spokey said...

And spokey shifts down to the 11 cog

Spokey said...

And spokey looks around for wiwm

DB said...

How bad do you want this WIWM? Spokey is on my shoulder.

Spokey said...

And spokey looks behind peering through the dust. sees wiwm through the haze

Spokey said...

and spokey dashes for the 100 podia

DB said...

Head down. Balls to the Walls.

Spokey said...

thanks DB

almost as good a lead out as I got from Roille




wiwm was just cast sicpre

DB said...

Nicely done, Spokey.
WIWM must be back there with Kenny.

Spokey said...

the question I have is whether snobby would approve of all this unsanctioned sprinting on his blog commentary.

If not, screw him. Screw them ALL!

OK, I was just giddy as a schoolgirl with the excitement of the win.


just want everyone to know that her hannedv is soft and silky smooth

wishiwasmerckx said...

Did I hear somebody calling my name?

Sorry, lads. Today I rode in with l'autobus.

Matt said...

So I like, watched the video. The most annoying part is how the background rolls by not at all in relation to their own motion. It's like those 1940s movies where the characters are supposedly driving in a car but you can tell its in a studio with the background being projected. When Taylor is going on about bonking the background is moving by at about 60mph. When I bonk, it's more like 6.0 mph.

I suppose she's cute enough, but the vapid speech and vacant look would be off putting. I hope next time they lie down in a corn field they get attacked by fire ants. Then he'll both find a new dark point in his life and reconnect with his human ancestors.

Will Swan said...

“And I’m like, what are our likes, like, like? Do we like, like, the same, like, things?”

Pure genius. Hemingway would approve (if he were drunk enough). No really, that video was torture.

commentatorbot_03402 said...

Whole Foods Market is all I needed to know.

The guy running that org is a new, more terrible combination of Larry Ellison a--hole, and a Mike Sinyard lying hustler on EPO and steroids.

Something is wrong when the employees cannot afford most of the food in the joint.

darryl from downunder said...

that video was a hideous attack on the english language.

using the word like instead of the correct "um" is an abomination and should be stamped out.

combined with a squeaky american accent it makes the user sound like an empty headed moron.

E P I C.

ce said...

Well, I bonked at 3 minutes 11 seconds.

Hey RCT, sorry to throw a highway flare in the window of your latest money making scheme, but just as pretty much every other Kickstarter is an unnecessary reinvention of an existing solution, your Highway Flare Holster is basically the same deal as fusee pouches used by wildland firefighters. I supposed you could suck in cashed up, and 'roided up, Gran Fondo riding road raging Freds with a carbon model, but I'm pretty sure Mike Sinyard owns a patent to something vaguely similar to that.

Anonymous said...

You can make fun of Katie all you want. I just want to see those peaches and watch them get sweaty.