Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Judas Fred: Hell-ment for Leather

The bicycle.

What is it about this noble invention that inspires humankind to probe the very limit of what is possible?

Well, it's probably got something to do with the wheels, as well as the fact that it makes constant contact with your crotch.

In any case, Klaus of Cycling Inquisition has alerted me to yet another rider who will swing a Lycra-clad leg over a bicycle, wedge it between the road and his scranus, and attempt to scrawl his name somewhere in the record books:

I was a bit concerned when I read the headline.  After all, that's a full 14mph over Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo" speed, and nobody knows for sure how the body of a Fred will react once it reaches Sammy Hagar territory.  Will the woo-hoos continue?  Will they give way to screams of terror?  Will the Fred simply break apart like the space shuttle Challenger?

At this point, we can only speculate.

However, my initial concerns were immediately allayed when I read the article and learned that the inventor, Jim Wing, is a "life long martial artist" who "has only been a cyclist for one year."

Of course he is.

Anyway, here is the Air Spear in action, stalking the recreational path in search of Rollerbladers to impale like pieces of lamb on a kebab:

As a result of training with the Air Spear, Wing states he has “noticed the bike is incredibly fast,” noting, “I don’t create nearly as much wind resistance as when I rode without the Spear.” The above video documents Wings first “shake down” ride with the Spear leading the charge. Due to its relatively flat and straight course, Wing anticipates setting a course record at New Jersey’s City-To-Shore Century in September.

Of course he does.

[Expect Darren Aronofsky to direct Mickey Rourke in "The Fred," the story of Wing's life.]

Anyway, if I were Wing I'd also throw on a pair of Null Winds for good measure.  Sure, you remember Null Winds, the glorified skirt guards that will somehow defy the laws of physics and make your bicycle "noticeably faster at any speed:"

I think Cat 2 bicycle racer Jason Shutz's Strava-addled mind somehow fused the old riddle about which is faster, a pound of lead or a pound of feathers, with Ralph Nader's Unsafe At Any Speed, while simultaneously failing to understand them both.

And if nothing else, musclebound Freds traveling at 60mph with spears affixed to their cockpits should be more than enough to give Dorothy Rabinowitz night terrors for the rest of her life:

(That's not a night terror, that's Dorothy Rabinowitz.)

Hopefully Wing manages to keep the rubber side down during his brave attempt to absolutely decimate the field at a century ride in New Jersey, though if the unthinkable should happen he should take care not to land on his helment because a "leading neurosurgeon" says the damn things are useless:

Henry Marsh, who works at St George’s Hospital in Tooting, London, said that many of his patients who have been involved in bike accidents have been wearing helmets that were ‘too flimsy’ to be beneficial.

He made the comments while speaking at the Hay Festival during a discussion with Ian McEwan, whose 2005 novel Saturday featured a neurosurgeon.

"Bullshit!" countered McEwan, who asserts that his writing helment saved his life when a vase fell on his head as he was midway through his acclaimed 2001 novel, Atonement.

Dr. Marsh was not rattled by the writer's retort:

He cited evidence from the University of Bath that suggests that wearing a helmet may even put cyclists at greater risk. The research showed that drivers get around 3 inches closer to cyclists who wear helmets because they perceive them as safer.

I don't dispute the part about drivers getting closer to cyclists in helments, but I suspect it's less about drivers perceiving them as "safer" and more about drivers thinking that they're "asking for it" with those "tight shorts" and those "little foam hats"--or, as Keith Maddox puts it:

Hey, don't be so hard on poor Keith.  After all, he can't "heppit."  (Whatever the hell "heppit" means.)

Then Dr. Marsh really let it fly when he called Australia stupid:

He said: “I ride a bike and I never wear a helmet. In the countries where bike helmets are compulsory there has been no reduction in bike injuries whatsoever.

Yeah, I know he didn't literally call Australia stupid, but we all know that's what he meant.

And finally:

“I see lots of people in bike accidents and these flimsy little helmets don’t help.”

I teared up a bit, I'm not going to lie.  There's something emotionally stirring about a doctor who whips it out and micturates all over years of plastic hat propaganda.

Well, okay, actually that wasn't the end of Dr. Marsh's talk.  I just wish he'd stopped there, because it was a perfect ending.  Unfortunately though, he kept going, revealing that he rides around town in a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, thereby casting aspersions on the validity of his claims and raising the possibility that he is in fact completely insane:

Mr Marsh said that he had been riding his bike for 40 years, wearing a cowboy hat, and had only fallen off once.

“I have been cycling for 40 years and have only been knocked off once. I wear a cowboy hat and cowboy boots. I look completely mad."

What, no chaps?

As for only falling off his bike once in 40 years, that's easily attributed to his unique cross-training technique:

Nothing hones your bike-handling skillz like an hour or two a week on a mechanical bull, and I predict that by late summer "Bicycling" will be telling you to do this before cyclocross season.

But as distressed as I was by Dr. Marsh's urban cowboy disclosure, he at least redeemed himself somewhat with this:

Marsh, who retires in March, also admitted jumping red lights to get ahead of the traffic.

“It’s my life at risk,” he said, ‘So I regularly cross over red lights.”

Disdain for helments and red lights?  [Golf clapping.]  Yee haw, Dr. Marsh.  Yee haw.

Of course, if you do choose to wear a helment (my personal guideline is if I'm putting on Lycra I wear a helment--you know, because bad things only happen when you're wearing Lycra), you should at least make sure you put it on correctly--not because it's the difference between life and death, but because it's the difference between looking silly and looking really silly:

I tried to tell you something while you were biking - w4w (Prospect Park)

You: Blonde, wearing jorts, biking.
Me: Brunette, biking, talking to you.

I saw you bike by me today and I tried to tell you something, but alas. I failed. In case you read this, I will tell you now. You either had your bike helmet on backwards or your face is on the wrong side of your head and your head faces in the wrong direction. If it's the former, I suggest you turn your helmet around the next time you wear it. You won't regret it! Biking will be so much more comfortable and the helmet will be more effective. If it's the latter then I see that you might be in a pickle. I think I would turn the helmet around. It will better serve to protect you until modern science comes up with a corrective surgery to put all of your head parts in the right place.

Good luck!

My guess is it's the latter, and the poster simply happened upon a character from "The Lego Movie."


Billy said...

630 AM?! What the heck? Why are you awake? How are you capable of writing? Why am I awake? We will never know.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Woohooo podium from down unda at a decent time of day, nice work!

I'm in suspense, tell me more "Therenos had" ... had what, damn you captcha, what????

Anonymous said...

podium twice in my first reply. Wooo hoooo

Anonymous said...

Ice up son

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

where is my underwear?

Turd Ferguson said...

My first and only top ten!

Anonymous said...

"but I suspect it's less about driers perceiving them as "safer""

And what says washers?

Billy said...

I am stoked for one of these Freds to reinvents the recumbent. They'll find out recumbents already existed and say Those damn dirty apes, it was recumbent all along! Its a conspiracy! All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again.


Anonymous said...

Good morning, all.
Couldn't sleep Snob?

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking the Air Spear Dude's front end will start to shimmy at 44 mph and he will go down. Hopefully, he's lubed up and will slide to Jersey.

RayG said...

Some of us finally got a post on the same day it was posted.

BamaPhred said...

It's too early for the Maths. Must investigate the theoretical chainring/cog/cadence limits for Mr Musclehead to run/rock/rub a lethal weapon on a freaking charity ride. What a dick.

Imaputinyewinnadeetch indeed

McFly said...

Jim Wing forgot how to head-band.

McFly said...

“I don’t create nearly as much wind resistance as when I rode without the Spear.”

Isn't that like saying, "When I open up my umbrella amazingly it quits raining."

It's still raining dumbass...you are just not feeling it. As a matter of fact, it's raining dumbasses.

Backward Face Grace said...

My boyfriend always refuses to do 69 with me.


Anonymous said...

6:30 am? That's like so rad bro! Are you prepping for a ride of baronial proportions or what? If so, please tell us it will be a featured story on the Radavist site.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Good morning to you to.
About time you were up and about with us wage slaves.

Wildstyle (the DJ) said...

Thanks to your last line, I will have "Everything is Awesome!" running through my head for the next 6 hours...

Blog Drafter said...

Grog, please.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Oh yeah I have a question.
I passed many freds with aerobars on my last epic ride and more than a few had a rod or something sticking up vertically from the handlebar area. Is it a scale so they know how low they are?Or is it used to keep their fredcycle straight and true? Anyone know what I'm talking about?

James said...

my coffee pot isn't even started yet...can't comprehend anything until I get my coffee. I'll actually read this at the normal time and reply with the Gruppetto.

Dave said...

Even brain surgeons don't seem to understand that anecdotes are not evidence. Here's an anecdote: I once fell directly on my head at significant, if not at Fred w.h. speed, and cracked my helmet wide open, and walked away - a little nonplussed and shaky, but walking. I do not claim that this proves anything at all. It totally cancels out the surgeon's anecdotes though, as far as I'm concerned. Maybe cowboy hats give you brains and balls cancer. Are you wearing the hat because you're stupid, or vice versa?

Dave said...

Oh yeah - the vertical rod on the aerobars is an antenna relaying instructions from a huge cloaked/shielded brick-shaped satellite operated by that company that claims not to be evil but totally is. This is why Freds do many of the cryptic, inexplicable things they do.

"Information... We want... information."
#6: "You won't get it!"

Brokeback Mountain said...

I only wear my cowboy hat when I'm fucking Jake Gyllenhaal.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wow that Jim Wing story is something else.

One time I hit my head on a steel beam holding up the stairway under which I parked my bike. Since I was just done riding and only two steps from my bike I had not yet removed my helment. I would have had an epic cartoon sized knot if not for my styrofoam hat.

Dooth said...

You don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure out that helments...

wishiwasmerckx said...

I ride a 106x11 gear, and my bike had a cow-catcher on the front. I have to be hauled with a tow rope behind a pickup truck until about 30 mph, but I can get up to about 58 mph during the local charity ride.

In other words, I am unimpressed. In fact, according to captcha, I am "much nagular."

3G said...

Not enough coffee yet. Where is Tooting anyway?

McFly said...

Is Tooting near Bath?


balls™ said...

There are a couple of kids down the street with BMX bikes that have the fork installed backwards (or the handlebars/stem, take your pick).

Whoever installed them must've thought they were more aerodynamic with the fork-tabs in the back.

I don't know if the build was a dad-job or the big-box store they came from, but I can't bring myself to say anything. I just cringe, and laugh.

If they had helments, I'm sure they'd wear them backwards, too.


dancesonpedals said...

Tooting is in South London. St. George's Hospital is part of a medical school. Their claim to fame: They have the skin of Blossom the cow in a plexiglass case displayed in their library. The milkmaid Sarah Nelms contracted cow pox from Blossom. Edward Jenner concocted a vaccine, which he administered to a little boy. The little boy did not die of small pox when he was later exposed. However there were other problems with the jenner vaccine

Anonymous said...

Nice job, dancesonpedals.

Bryan said...

@Balls...Don't you love looking at horrible builds? Sometimes I go into Wal Mart or Target just to look at really bad bike builds and laugh, and then advise anyone I see that the bikes are all wrong and your chilluns will surely die.

You would think a nerdo surgeon with 40+ years of cycle bike riding would know how to put on a helment so that it protected his noggin. According to the picture, obviously he doesn't. I guess he doesn't want to mess up that wavy hair. Doofus. Helments are ALWAYS necessary, like the Wildcat Rock Machine, I only helment up when in lycra.
Mr. Muscle Man....just ride your damn bike! Record shattering means nothing if you have to cheat to do it. Use those leg muscles and pedal faster.

Bryan said...

Helments are NOT always necessary, is what I meant to say.

dancesonpedals said...

I spent my last month of medical school (march 1981) at St. George's. I brought my 10 speed from home & rode all over London. In April I bought panniers, took a train to plymouth and a bus to tavistock to begin a bike tour back to london. Among the highlights were 2 nights in tavistock after a freak artic storm snowed me in, and later staying in Lyme Regis because I was too tired to ride up the hill to leave. I found out after I got back home about all the books and movies set there.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...hee haw, indeed

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...i'm signing off for a couple of weeks.

...i hope everyone rides safe, even if y'all go ass backwards... with plastic caps on your privates.

mikeweb said...

I hope Jim Wing is an attentive rider. If he's on a rough road and doesn't see a pothole and sticks his front wheel into it, the air spear will become a head spear. But since he's been riding for a whole year, all that experience should serve him well.

Then again he's a martial arts expert so I'm sure he'll shake it off.

commentatorbot_92374 said...

A brain surgeon utters an opinion about helments based on the simple fact his only experience of helments are the ones where he's had to operate. Great!!

This makes perfect sense in Freedom loving 'merikuh.

Body builder dude fails the non-existent dope tests at the local century ride... I wonder what would happen if he discovered recumbents.

Crash Case Vancouver said...

Babs has just added yet another smashed helment to her collection.

Serial Retrogrouch said...


...that's happened to me too... but did you stop to think that perhaps it's because you were wearing the plastic hat that you didn't see the stair in the first place?

Eurodude said...

Peter Sagan knows how to ride a mtb


babble on said...

On Sunday with the freds on the vet ride I totally destroyed the lazer helium and my shoulder but I stayed conscious. Last time I came to in the hospital. Helmets aren't all bad.

David G said...

I have one fall on my résumé for which I'm really glad I was enhelmented. Low speed, stone curb, and a lot of beer … I'm really glad I was wearing the damn thing.

I think high blood alcohol and bike helmets make a good combination. Riding without either can also work.

Anonymous said...

We'll miss you. Hope all is going well.

Olle Nilsson said...

Seriously hate people who want to ride road speeds on the bike path. There's a road. Right beside you. With a shoulder. Use it. Douchebag.

Crashed once in 40 years. Hey, that's a good sample. Rode my bike 40 years and this helment's done nothing for my safety.

This cowboy hat is making my head sweaty.

Olle Nilsson said...

Babs, not again! Just had to outdo Leroy, dintja? Lousy time of year to be laid up too. Speedy recovery.

David G said...

There's a typo in the picture caption: it should read "life long martial artists Jims Wings". He's Canadian.

JLRB said...

Have the time of your life - ride an electric bike!!!

Somehow Just Giving Up is now equated with "having the time of your life"

Just make sure you wear fleece sweatpants while you ride the electric bike

wishiwasmerckx said...

It sure smells funny under this here cowboy hat.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I feel sorry for Babble because she will have to learn to masturbate with her other hand for 6-8 weeks.

Anonymous said...

PS Babbleon get well soon. Sucks to not be out and about at this preeminent time of the year.

ouabacher said...

WIWM. That's called "The Stranger".

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Babs - that blows... But I can't wait to see the pics.

le Correcteur said...

Shit; 55 comments. To call myself pack fodder is an insult to the pack!

Chris said...

If he's reaching Sammy Hagar territory, he should reach it in style with "I Can Drive 55!" (http://mandelics.com/55) for smarting phones. As he achieves woo-hoo-hoo-hoo speed, he'll be going 16 percent slower than Sammy couldn't go, so he'll hear the famous song at .84 speed. It'll only get faster as he accelerates.

James said...

Congratulations to Jim Wings, you made a fairing (a dangerous scary Mad Max kind of fairing at that). Time for him to get a faired lowracer and see what real speed is.

NHcycler said...

But his goal of pedaling to the speed of 60 MPH under his own power may soon be realized.
The key to achieving such a feat? …the “Air Spear.”

Correction: The key: PEDs

...Wing states he has “noticed the bike is incredibly fast,” noting, “I don’t create nearly as much wind resistance as when I rode without the Spear.”

I love these quotes!

Anonymous said...

6:28 AM ???? wtf .... how will I ever get in with the cool guys?

JLRB said...

Note to self - avoid The Jersey city to shore or whatever it is

Draft Dodger said...

Read bull gives you Wings.

Anonymous said...

the last time I rode a mechanical bull my "beads" got so stuck it took 3 days to get them all clear...

McFly said...

I am telling you babble....competitive sexing is way better than competitive cycling. The get offs are way more pleasant.

James said...

Jim wings replies and claims he never said on the flats....

P. Bateman said...

630 am snob? what the heck?

whatever, i'm just glad to see the fodder i sent to you actually go to good use.

and i'm not a rocket surgeon, but will that spear thing potentially work like an aero plain wing at 60mph and he'll potentially start flying toward the moon like Elliot and E.T.? or will he simply go back in time?

Anonymous said...

Top LXX ?

Anonymous said...

Hey Nike Snob, apparently America's yarmulke is leading the charge with country folk taking potshots at random cyclists:

Comment deleted said...

Jim Wing: another thick-necked, thin-skinned narcissist.

If you don't like the heat, Jim, then stop seeking attention.

dancesonpedals said...

I replied:

June 3, 2014 at 1:06 pm # without the phrase, ‘on the flats’, 60 mph is no big deal. A cyclists hitting 60-70 mph on a descent is pretty ho-hum, though it may feel like woo-hoo...


Anonymous said...

Je suis dans le cul des soixante dix-cinq premiers.

dancesonpedals said...

btw...i've never descended at 60...i hit 48 mph on the hill leaving my house & that's plenty woo hoo for me (getting home after a long ride is another story)...but if I wanted to descend at 60, I sure wouldn't do it with wings wing in friont of me...hit a bump, catch some air & it's all over speedboat flip

Jim Wings said...

FCK all of you sniveling rat faced little weasels. I refuse to be browbeaten by a bunch of cowardly pusillanimous little pipsqueaks whose only claim to anything is that they can ride a bicycle well. All of you timid little keyboard warriors know exactly what I look like and know exactly what I ride. If any of you happen to see me out and about…ride up next to me tap me on the shoulder and tell me to my face, slowly and clearly so there is no mistaking it, exactly what you said online about me. (Chuckles as he sips his coffee)…I don’t think any of you will because that is the nature of bullies…you cowardly little scumbags look for easy victims to attack… Show some balls for once in your insecure timid lives…tell me to my face.

Comment deleted said...

Odd how you misspell your own name, Jim.

Oh, and you forgot to use the phrase "pencil-necked geeks".

Spokey said...

Only thing I noticed was that if wings was just doing woo-hoo speed (let alone 60mph) those cars should be all ticketed for excess speeding.

Condolences babs. Maybe you can ride one handed on that nice slow white bike. Just toodle around. No fredding for several months.

I had to drop off the 12 yr old camry that I own rather than a hyundai yesterday to fix an exploding muffler. True confessions: no lycra but I did don my helment and nashbar gloves to ride back home.

even I can handle a 133 captcha on the first try

McFly said...

F--k the Air-Spear....I want to get my hands on that Tooth Saddle, it's pretty bitchin'.

Anonymous said...


speak for yourself. I'm not doing 60 on my bike unless I've gone off a cliff because my helment slid down over my eyes.

woo-hoo 340 second post in a row I can get on the first shot.

P. Bateman said...

i've hit above 60 on a hill. and yes, it was fast. i was going that speed for only a brief moment i'm sure (my computer tells me the highest speed i hit - i certainly wasn't checking the speedo as it were in the moment. i was paying some serious attention to the road).

anyway, good luck to the duder if he wants to hit 60. i mean, i prefer a top end run in a fast car but if that is his cup of asian herbed tea (it says he's also good at kung fu..) then fine.

for someone so good at kung fu though he seems a little angry. i thought kung fu masters were always like chilled out, monk types,no?

Anonymous said...

Babble - maybe you should go hang out with Tilford!

Capthca sez ccuity but. How appropriate

Regular guy said...

I've just come to the conclusion that bike riders are simply too sensitive and insecure to handle talking smack.

dancesonpedals said...

a real fred watches the max speed readout during a descent on a twisty road,...we have all fallen short of true fred-dom and can only hope to lick the silicone-grease-encrusted speedplays of the masters

erikbe said...

Wow! Mr. Wing has only been riding for a year and he starts out on a TT bike, complete with aero-helment and bars?!? WTF! Who's he been talking to. SLAM THAT STEM Newbie!

commentatorbot_cima_coppi said...

Wings daily news plays the "Internet bully" card. And follows it up with a collabo post and more tough talk.

Love it!!!!

Get this guy a recumbent, quick!!!!

Dooth said...

My Psychic told me to wear a helment if I plan on riding fast.

ken e. said...

we're sensitive, and we talk smack!




Mr. Plow said...

Apparently industrial workers make most of their mistakes on certain days of the week. I don't know what the result would be if your frame sported Tuesday Welds.

mikeweb said...

I think Mr. Wing should move to SoCal to seek out this pick up truck, pull the driver out by his nose ring and tie him into a pretzel.

Comment deleted said...

One thing I've learned today is that Jim Wing is a manly man's man with an extra helping of masculinity on top.

And I *don't* mean to imply that he is a bottom.

Because one has to wonder about someone who thinks homophobic slurs are the height of clever riposte in this day and age. Besides the lunkhead-throwback nature of it, it speaks to a certain insecurity in that area.

Anonymous said...

Like the doctor, I crash way too infrequently to be a good judge of the effectiveness of healemenettes. Darn.

Anonymous said...


Professional Semi-Cyclist said...

Bryan Larsen, a semi-professional bicyclist,


pickup jack said...


nothing to see here. move along. we have impounded that video and the prosecutor is seeking an indictment against mr Larsen for filing a false report.

JLRB said...

My Helment says neurosurgeons are useless - it's never needed one yet in its 5 sweaty years of foamdom

1904 Cadardi said...

I topped fifty on Saturday; on the hoods, with 36 spoke box section rims, on a non-aero bicycle. Been over sixty a couple times and that is scary fast. All it takes is a steep enough grade and a favorable wind.

Looks like Mr Wings has a much better frontal area to mass ratio than my tall skinny climber's build so I'll bet 60mph downhill should be easy. But if he doesn't do something stupid like attach a guillotine to his bars how will he get noticed?

Olle Nilsson said...

It's all relative. Never been near 60, but 49 mph on a curvy hill I wasn't familiar with on 23Cs felt 100 times more dangerous than 48 on a straight downhill on 2" slicks. Regularly go Brompton-woo-hoo speed which is only 40 mph.

leroy said...

Dear Babs --

Get well soon!

1904 Cadardi said...

He could also just buy one of these.

As many people pointed out on BikeRumor, the pointy design will only work into a direct headwind. Get even a little off center and the bars will get pushed further off. The slightest wobble in the front end gets multiplied, and soon there's Jim Wing smeared all across the road. Not good. The zzzipper is much better idea.

Speaking of ouch: Leroy, Babs, and anyone else that's crashed lately, heal up soon.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Jim Wings @ 1:13 --

My dog suggests you switch to de-caf.

Don't blame me. It's my dog's idea.

Miss Understood said...

You all have Jim Wings all wrong. That attachment is a satellite dish so he can watch Game of Thrones and Wrestlemania (the classics) while bike cycling at woohoo speeds. He likes to watch it real slowly (sips coffee).

Don’t make matters worse by over – reacting

Evil Genius said...

I was in the process of creating an aerodynamic handlebar attachment for the bicycle to reduce drag but the Wingman beat me to it. Foiled again!

crosspalms said...

If Jim Wing puts that helmet on backwards, he should go twice as fast, since he'll have 2 air spears. But is he man enough to take the Craigslist mockery sure to ensue?

Babble, hope you're recovering OK!

Spokey said...


I'm sure babs appreciates your thoughts.

But I'm also sure that she is disappointed and deeply saddened that apparently your dog doesn't give a crap (figuratively) and would rather spend his time snarking at poor mr wings

at least robot is obedient acleduac

Spokey said...

COD to

McFly @ 1:20 PM

babble on said...

Yeah the sun is shining and here I go - time for surgery. wiwm I figured that out in 2000 when I fell 50 feet so I'm good this time around.
See y'all soon. Xo

dancesonpedals said...

feel beter babel..if you need a catheter placed, you can insist on a girl..i certainly would

Anonymous said...

To summarize Jims Wings response

All You Haters Suck My Spear. (AYHSMS)

Maybe The Snob will have some Fly 6 porn tomorrow.

Crash Case Vancouver said...

Hey Babs, ask the Dr. for titanium parts as opposed to the heavier stainless steel.

Camp E said...

and make sure the parts are Italian threaded, drilled out, 12 speed, dsi

Olle Nilsson said...

1904 - he should be able to counteract it with his kung fu moves and massive pecs. And if not, the video should be awesome.

Glen Larimer said...

Jim Wing mentions trying to break a course record in the City to Shore ride. The only two such events I know of in the Philadelphia area are to benefit the American Cancer Society and raise money to battle M.S.

These are social, fund-raiser events - what "course record" is he talking about?!!

shining trapezoid said...

I don't wear red lights OR stop at helmets so fuck you!. And GTFO the bike path with that siege weapon!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 8:22 am

The Radavist = Mr. Fred's Wild Ride

Prolly is giving the cringe-inducing writers at Bicycling rag a run for their money

Dooth said...

How do you make a bike fly?

Put Jim Wings on it!

1904 Cadardi said...


Good point. Wind? Judo CHOP! Speed wobble? Judo CHOP! Pesky laws of physics? Judo CHOPCHOPCHOP!

Blog Drafter said...

Two rules:

1. Never get out of the boat.

2. Never exceed Fred WOO-HOO speed unless you're a professional bike racer/drug abuser. Even they crash at those speeds, and they know what they're doing.

One thing:

Sorry, Babs, hope you heal quickly.

Australia said...

Marshy didn't call just me stupid, he called New Zealand, (which is the South Pacific's Canada) and The United Arab Emirates, (which is apparently a real place) stupid as well.

We three are the axis of mandatory helment laws leading by example. In my case for the past 25 years I've been inspiring the entire world to follow my example and save themselves from certain death. Any day now thousands of countries will legislate for mandatory helment wearing by cyclists of all ages, at all times, in all places. Any day now.

And my Prime Minister is a Fred!! He rides a Hillbrick, (a local frame maker) always wears a helment and he's not at all stupid;


And then there's the eloquent, gracious and thoroughly charming Roads Minister for my State of New South Wales, neither is he a blithering idiot, fuckwit, moron, shithead;


One day you'll all see sense and adopt mandatory helment laws or all die or go insane like Marshy and start riding in cowboy gear.

Anonymous said...

I would just like to compliment and curse the author for including references to both "I Can't Drive 55," a.k.a. "Love Theme From Roille Figners Tuesday Afternoon Repetitive Mental Torment pt. 1" and "Hell Bent For Leather," a.k.a. "Mental Torment Theme (Reprise)"

Somehow I missed the bit about Babs... surgery!?!?!?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Spokey @ 2:49 PM --

Au contraire re mon chien.

Babs is no doubt enjoying hefty anesthesia at this moment and pleasant dreams in which dogs whisper wishes of wellness while diverting attention from troubles with singing, dancing, and musical accompaniment.

My dog wishes to note that you may recognize the experience as "Friday night" -- at least the hefty anesthesia part. I have no idea what he means by that.

(Whoa, check out the canine karaoke chorus in the corner. I can't believe no else mentioned it yet. You know, a tophat and tails makes anyone look good.)

Spokey said...


babs apparently achieved woo-hoo speeds with the expected consequences.

babs @ 11:18

On Sunday with the freds on the vet ride I totally destroyed the lazer helium and my shoulder but I stayed conscious. Last time I came to in the hospital. Helmets aren't all bad.

listen. you gots to pay attention in this drivel. Every nuanced word. But if you say you got up at 6:30 to read this thing, you get a pass and we assign your demerit to snobs for Jimis Wingies like reckless endangerment.

Spokey said...



On a more serious note, I notice queenie has also be absent for a few days.

Anonymous said...

That's a bold statement. Or question rather.

Friendo said...

Babs- heal quick and strong.
Mr. Wing - stop your doucherry.

Anonymous said...

Not to be Captain Obvious, but surely people whose helmets have worked to prevent a brain injury occurring don't end up visiting a neurosurgeon???

Also, more head injuries means more work for him, win-win.

Doubting Thomas said...

I stuck my fingers into the crushed styrofoam and shattered plastic shell of Bab's helment and said to myself, "Hey, these things seem to work".

Anonymous said...

COD to Leroy.
You were great today.

McFly said...

Speaking of going fast on bikes and crushing helmets and junk I want to dork out and say I am excited about some sprint finishings of the TDF. I have seen some killer catches. Andre Greipal hit a parked car. The Ivan Drago lookin dude is also fast and sexy. And Peta's boobie jockey is also got serious form.


Anonymous said...

Wing barks and snarls about cyclists and cyber-bullies, but ignores the fact that anyone who visited his site and scrolled down to his May 16 post (long before his debut on bike rumor) wherein he threatens cyclists for not doing to help him with his mechanical issue. Right after he brags of carrying enough tools to fix anything. And after noting that half of them did stop. Does this guy curse the birth of every car driver who passes him when he is changing a tire on the side of the freeway? Probably, he comes off as roid-raging shitbag.

Spokey said...

I read that post. Personally I would have ridden the 10 miles back to my car and unclipped the other foot when needed.

When I got back to the car I guess I'd have to saw off my leg (or at least take my shoe off)

He does seem like douche.

But robot says wings is more a venience inceope

Anonymous said...

Wild Cat. You need to link up Keith Maddox and Wing Nut. Maddox as part of his probation could pass out wings to those slow cyclists that ruin his commute.

S c A r N u S said...

Scar nus
Scar n us
Scarn us
S car nus

Duncan Gay is a cunt said...

In my experience helmets are 100% effective against fines for not wearing a helmet. And after they also make ok (by ok I mean useless) pot plant holders. I hate bloody MHLs.

Duncan Gay is a cunt said...

I also can't right proper ok?

Nacnud said...

In other breaking news, in Australia a company has gone into receivership putting some 600 electricians out of work.

They are quoted as saying they are "...shocked..." at the decision.

JLRB said...

NYT letter re Snob on Shared Bikes

bogiesan said...

Yawn. Google or duckduck Human Powered Vehicle Association and their annual time trials event held in Battle Mountain, Nevada.

Spokey said...

at least snobbie waited until I got up this morning to post. Maybe I can get podia points?

Probably not, I'm sure his spies are waiting until I leave to pedalling my biek down to pick up the camry that I own (exploding muffler said to be now fixed) to make sure jimi wings gets yellow

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Unknown said...

There are certainly a lot of details like that to take into consideration. That is a great point to bring up. I offer the thoughts above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions like the one you bring up where the most important thing will be working in honest good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged around things like that, but I am sure that your job is clearly identified as a fair game. Both boys and girls feel the impact of just a moment’s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.