Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The Whiff Of Nostalgia's Always Strongest On Wednesdays

Firstly, further to yesterday's post, I was honored and amazed that so many people took the time to visit the Bicycling website and call me a fatuous douche-wallah as per my request:


I'd have thanked you all there but apparently you have to register, and what kind of sucker registers to leave a comment on the Bicycling website?

Also, at least one person left what appears to be a legitimate comment, and because I'm not the kind of sucker who registers to leave Internet comments on other websites I'll address it on my own blog instead:

Erik the Ded Tue, 2014-02-04 20:43

Sorry Snob, but most people cannot be trusted to build a complete bicycle effectively unless their living depends on it. I've made most of my living repairing damage done by home mechanics. The 3 times a year that a you may tune your own bikes can never build the same skill and knowledge that comes from completing a thousand or so repairs per year (while being held responsible for the results). A paid meticulous mechanic is better at their job than you are. Much like a recreational blogger who posts once a month doesn't quite measure up against the guy who posts daily, rote three books, and is published on Bicycling.com with some regularity . . . . . . That being said, it would be great if reviews were based on long-term useability of industry products. I really like to see bikes go out my front door with a minimum of proprietary parts. I have a bike in for a replacement BB that no longer exists, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to tell my customer that he has to buy a whole new crank. And don't get me started on wheels . . . Let's just say that the wheels that came with your bike (regardless of the price) probably suck, and they really shouldn't.

I have nothing but respect for professional bicycle mechanics, but I respectfully disagree with the above.  If you've committed to maintaining a "stable" (ugh, I hate that expression) of bicycles yourself and have been doing so for a number of years you most certainly can be trusted to build a complete bicycle.  In fact, oftentimes you can do a better job than a professional mechanic for the simple reason that you can dedicate yourself wholly to that single bicycle for the time it takes you to build and repair it, whereas even the best professional mechanic has other things to do--which is in no way a criticism of professional mechanics.  It's just the truth.  If you have a persistent and difficult-to-diagnose creak and you keep going back to the shop, sooner or later even the greatest mechanic on earth is eventually going to tell you to fuck off and get a life, whereas you can build yourself a cabin in the woods and dedicate the rest of your life to eliminating the offensive sound if you so choose.

And as for a "recreational blogger" not being as good as a guy who posts daily and wrote three books, obviously that's ridiculous, because this blog was awesome back when I was a recreational blogger.  Then I went "pro," and I don't have to tell you that this blog has been sucking for years.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't be afraid to work on your own bikes, because the best way to learn is by screwing up.

While I'm on the subject of learning and character-building and stuff, a 15 year-old kid has asked me to share his Kickstarter with you, and here it is:


Fourteen thousand dollars to ride his bike from Portland to New York?  This kid's got chutzpah.

Anyway, I was compelled to share this because I'm a parent, and I could very easily be the parent of a 15 year-old if only I hadn't frittered away my 20s and most of my 30s due to being emotionally and professionally retarded.  So naturally I ask myself, "What would I do if my 15 year-old kid wanted to ride his bike across the country?"

One one hand, I'd be tempted to shut him down.  "You want 14 grand to fly to Portland and ride home?  Screw that.  Here's 20 bucks, see if you can make it to Nyack."

On the other hand, I think about what I was doing around that age, and basically I was a total loser:


(Your humble blogger at 14 years of age, most of his potential already squandered.)

Hey, I realize what I'm doing in this photo is now taboo, and my only excuse is that we didn't know any better at the time.  (I'm of course referring to wearing a Swatch, which is the timepiece adorning my left wrist.  I make no apologies for either the smoking, or for the mullet with blond highlights.  See, the smoking made me look mature, and the mullet with the blond highlights is simply fabulous.)

Not only was I a total loser, but I'm actually traveling across the country in this very photograph--not by bicycle on a tour I planned myself, but in a bus with a bunch of other little snotbags from the New York City metropolitan area on something called a "teen tour."  And how did we spend our time on this "teen tour?"  Well, when we weren't looking for places to hide and smoke cigarettes, we were laughing at the locals, because when you're that age and from our part of the world everybody west of Montclair, NJ is freaking hilarious.

Moreover, while this kid may have the audacity to be asking a bunch of strangers for $14,000, I didn't pay my own way on that "teen tour" either, and had I been caught smoking they would have kicked me off the tour and sent me home.  Yet if you look in my beady little eyes you can see I don't give a shit.  So what's worse?  Asking strangers for $14,000 to undertake plans you made yourself, or throwing your family's generosity right in their faces while wearing a Swatch and a mullet?

So I guess what I'm saying is that, as one spoiled brat* to another, I wish this kid the best of luck--though if anyone's going to pay for this mishigas it should be his family, because I ain't giving him a dime.

*[In my own defense, I wasn't that spoiled, and I spent my summers after that working in a hardware store and being verbally abused.  Nobody makes you feel stupider than contractors, not even arrogant bicycle mechanics.]

I only hope my own seventeen (17) children don't want to ride across the country one day, because 1) I want to shelter them from the pernicious influences of the rest of the United States for as long as possible; and B) I don't want bikes ruining their lives as they have mine.

Alas, it's too late for me, and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention this study proving New York City cycling is becoming more polite:


Here are a few of the findings that Tuckel and Milczarski gleaned from their research:

  • The proportion of women pedaling on the city’s streets is still low, just 21.1 percent. But compared to the 2009 study, the proportion of female riders to male has doubled. Women made up 31.1 percent of Citi Bike riders observed.
  • Women tend to be much more law-abiding than men in every way, but male bike-share riders stop fully at red lights at a rate significantly higher than male general cyclists or male delivery cyclists.
  • In the recent study, 34 percent of riders were observed going through red lights without pausing or stopping, down about 10 percentage points from 2009.
  • Just 4.2 percent of cyclists were observed riding against traffic in the street and 3.2 percent were riding against traffic in the bike lane, for a combined total of 7.4 percent – well below the 13.2 percent recorded in 2009.
  • Helmet use rose from 29.9 percent to 49.8 percent, with much of that being driven by an increase in use by male commercial cyclists (the city passed a law in 2007 that requires businesses to provide their delivery riders with helmets), who wore them at a rate of 72.7 percent. Among general male cyclists, helmet use also went up dramatically, from 32.2 percent to 47.8 percent.
  • Citi Bike riders in general are more compliant with traffic laws and ride in bike lanes at a higher rate than other riders. As for helmets, 31.1 percent of male Citi Bike riders and 36.2 percent of female Citi Bike riders were wearing them.
I can't believe we're turning into a bunch of docile sycophants.  There goes my last link to rebelliousness.

Guess I'm going to have to grow that mullet back...

149 comments:

cervicalgia said...

unbelievable - first podium!

JB said...

Doors be open early!

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Early

Anonymous said...

god said fred

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Early Wednesday Whiff!

Spokey said...

what?

Anonymous said...

Top Ten Hey!

26398444 192

mikeweb said...

What a fatuous douche-wallah.

ouabacher said...

What time is it?!

balls™ said...

Just 4.2 percent of cyclists were observed riding against traffic in the street and 3.2 percent were riding against traffic in the bike lane, for a combined total of 7.4 percent – well below the 13.2 percent recorded in 2009.

That's not how math works. Who wrote that? A bicycle mechanic?

Scranus.

Spokey said...

who says Ford Robs is anti bike. Robs town hosted the winner of the Sikorsky Human Powered Helicopter Competition which used a Cervelo bike.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/human-powered-hover-bike-wins-coveted-250k-prize-1.1350460

mikeweb said...

Congrats to the podium!

The screen name of the top stepper reminds me of what I would call my practice if I was an OB/GYN:

'At your Cervix'

Anonymous said...

I'm not even awake yet!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

From reading this blog I get the idea that "from our part of the world everybody west of Montclair, NJ is freaking hilarious." is still very much part of your world-view.

Robot words: emstff fat

CommieCanuck said...

creaaakkkk..

CommieCanuck said...

Creeeeeaakkk...

CommieCanuck said...

Creeeeeeeeeeeaakkkkk....

CommieCanuck said...

creak

CommieCanuck said...

Lob, that is annoying.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wildcat Sycophant Machine

StringDaddy said...

The whole leave-it-to-the-professionals argument is total bullshit. Almost every time I took my bike to a mechanic, I'd have to bring it home and fine tune all the crap that was done shoddily. That's why I started working on my bike in the first place. Installing 1000 kickstands each year doesn't make you more skilled at repairing and maintaining a bicycle.

Sam Rukeyser said...

I thought you were going to try to help, not make fun of me. You ARE a fatuous douche-wallah!

I hope your fancy bike creaks forever

Qauk said...

I have a regular buisness fixing crap jobs from "pro" bike mechanics.

I guess I'm the pro's Pro.

Anonymous said...

What the fuck was Sam touring kid wearing? Is that a womans's blouse? He'll get the shit beat out of him in the Midwest.

CommieCanuck said...

Bike mechanics, or "wrenches" as they prefer to be known, need to get a life. Anyone can learn 100% of these "skills" in a short course at a bike shop.
It's a fucking BIKE, by definition, one of the simplest machines on the planet, just one step above egg beater. However, this has been perverted by US bike designers like Cannondale and Trek who insist on having 12 new standards for parts built in short Chinese production runs, which means they don't understand what the word "standard" means.

Lob dammit, one day a guy with black leather and mirror glasses will give you a red pill and you will wake up with the revelation that there was never anything wrong with 8 speed cassettes, caliper rim brakes, aluminum rims, metal frames and square taper bottom brackets, and that guy who races with you will still kick your ass on a 25 year old Huffy with toe clips, every if your bike weighed zero pounds.

There, I feel better.

JLRB said...

I agree with the bike shop mechanics generally do a half azzed job comment. Part of it is they don't put the bike under ride conditions, so they do not experience the problems that appear on the road but not in the repair stand. Between the hassle of getting my bike to a bike shop, the routine disappointment in the results, and the predictable universally misplaced snob attitude, I prefer to fuck things up on my own. Kind of like sex.

ouabacher said...

CC.......zactly!

Pannier Handler said...

Holy Crap! I saved my money from an after-school job to fund my ride to Rocket City, Alabama and the train ride back. He is WAY too professional, he's going to make shitloads of money in the future, he does not need to freeload off the kindness of strangers.

So he expects people to buy him everything new that he needs?
This attitude needs to be stopped, that if you ask nicely you can expect huge gifts.

Kiskstart my gourmet dinner cooking experience for a year. I need a new stove, natural gas, cookware, cookbooks, and of course, food.

I will serve you a meal if you pony up $250. It may not be very good, I'm still learning. And no special requests.

Kenny said...

*rote

cdinvb said...

Oh yeah. The Gossamer. Had one of those. Happy to sue you put it on thinking I wouldn't know the difference until it was too late. They were right. Hey. Cheat every customer once. Or is it: to serve you better.

The Late Bird Catches No Podium said...

"""10:41""" Who the hell is out of bed at 10:41.

JB said...

CC typied: "...and you will wake up with the revelation that there was never anything wrong with 8 speed cassettes, caliper rim brakes, aluminum rims, metal frames and square taper bottom brackets..."

8-speed cassette; check
rim brakes; of course
aluminum rims; I think?
metal frame; steel, check
square taper bottom bracket; no idea

Can you give me a more-fun pill?

Pittsburgh Steelers said...

cc:1141 "metal frames" I had an ancient Fuji steel frame, lasted for all the double digit years I had it and it's probably still being rode today by someone. Indestructible.

I Fix Many Things: said...

I've heard the elitist bike mechanic rant before. I'd say that any wrench who works on bikes all day can do their job more efficiently than I, but not inherently better. I feel very comfortable working on my bikes. However, there are procedures that I "refer" to the excellent shop I prefer. Often these repairs require special tools I do not own or it is a type of repair that I have done only a few times and I'd prefer not to screw up on my plastic bike with PITA Mavic wheels.

Yeah Cleveland! said...

I was going to call the kickstarter kid with the cow neck sweater a fatuous douche-wallah but then I remembered he was a kid.

babble on said...

LOL! That's not nostalgia, that's pot.

Chunk Style said...

Panhandlers need free Internet access and a special almsgiving website. Why should the rich kids have all the access to funding their lifestyles?

Spokey said...


my 6 free hub speed lemans 12 works just fine. Although I must say as I get older the 9 speeds and triple on the comotion make life easier going up hills.

Crabon? Crabon? Isn't that the stuff in my pencil?



robot matter oregeukr noticed leroy's dog hanging out over in snob's bicycling article comment section. He's still giggling about that.

Bad Attitude said...

I have (at present) that same COC tshirt. Still livin the dream.

Comment deleted said...

The survey also determined that 13% of SUVs have never hopped a curb and run down a pedestrian, and a whopping 17% have never crashed through the front of a donut shop. This is up from 15% last year, a very good trend indeed.

Anonymous said...

wow dude, you looked like a total fucking prig back in the day. Explains a lot.

2wheeler said...

I think they're called "Pan-e-ay" not "pan-e-er"

wishiwasmerckx said...

"I only hope my own seventeen (17) children don't want to ride across the country one day, because...I don't want bikes ruining their lives as they have mine."

Sometimes our prose is inadvertently quite revealing. On first read-through, I read the "they" which had ruined your life as your children, not your bikes.

Anonymous said...

funny story about expert bike mechanics, had my rear brake stolen so had it replaced at a LBS (yes could have done this myself, but just wanted to get it done quickly and not be without my commuting bike for 2 weeks while i waited to get the part and had the time to install - also I'm a romantic and like the concept of supporting your LBS). anyway, said break never worked properly so i took it back to the shop a couple months later (I'm a lazy fuck) and they informed me that it was the wrong type of break for the bike. I informed them that they were the onces who replaced the break and they said: "oh, sorry about that." so much for experts.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:10pm,

You needed a pic for that?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JLRB said...

What kind of Dutch-Wallah steals the rear brake off a bike?

3G said...

Is that a Napalm Death shirt?!

Blog Drafter said...

Funny, I have a cabin in the woods and every time I'm there I try to fix the creak in the BB of the bike I leave there, always unsuccessfully.

LOL post, almost got busted at work again.

Snob, you're a VERY GREAT fatuous douche-wallah.

crosspalms said...

I'm glad you explained that was a mullet. I thought you'd Photoshopped the nonplussed pigeon onto your head.

Buffalo Bill said...

I too worked my way through high school at a hardware store, but the contractors must have gone elsewhere cause I never got much grief from them.

What always amazed me was the middle aged guys who would ask a pimply teenager for advice on how to fix a leaky faucet. I was pretty helpful to the kids who I'd find staring at the plumbing supplies though. One of these, two of those, one of these, there's your hash pipe buddy.

Anonymous said...

I was verbally abused at my summer job too. You must be bill from my support group. OMG!

Smellvin said...

"I can't believe we're turning into a bunch of docile sycophants." Like all the one's leaving " fatuous douche-wallah" comments on the Bicycling website.

Anonymous said...

CommieCanuck - Amen brother.

cycle

CommentorBot9000 said...

Wait a minute. A few months ago the Snob said here:

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/07/things-stuff-other-things.html

“For this they want $1,500 though,…I also have to wonder: "Why the penny ante?" Seems like if you're going to go through all the trouble of passing the virtual hat, why not just ask for $15,000…?”

Now a (slightly younger) kid is passing the virtual hat and is ask for $14,000, and the Snob says

"You want 14 grand to fly to Portland and ride home? Screw that.”

Today’s youth need consistency from their draconian critic-wallas.

Anonymous said...

3G are you kidding? Napalm Death? Really? What in the actual fuck?

livingjetlag said...

Back in the 80's our mullets were hairsprayed to the point that they counted as helmets.

Anonymous said...

Don't feel too bad about the 80's mullet. Mine featured Bono's bangs.

Anonymous said...


wishiwasmerckx,

Not speaking for Wildcat Douche Wallah, but kids in general aren't a source of happiness.

Kids are lots of good things, but a happy-fun machine they are not.

And I'm a parent who loves his kid.

Buffalo Bill said...

The only thing wrong with 8 speed cassettes is they don't make quality ones anymore.

Also, the selection sucks.

dancesonfatuousdouche-wallah said...

I commented yesterday & I just got my first spam from bicycling.

fatuous douche-wallahs SPAM FILTER SET FOR BICYCLING MAG

BikeSnobNYC said...

Buffalo Bill,

I definitely helped some customers make beer funnels.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...first, i thought that picture of the kid smoking was River Phoenix... or some child actor...

...but, no, it really is you! future Fats Douche Wallah

Anonymous said...

I too, have a disdain for the expression "stable" of bicycles. It sounds so agricultural.

I'm not sure it's any better, sounding a tad militaristic, but "fleet" of bicycles is a reliable alternative.

Onto other matters; I can't agree Snobby's mullet is "simply fabulous" and no 14 year old looks cool smoking. Only Humphrey Bogart looks cool smoking and I don't think he was ever 14.

The Swatch and the nuclear themed T-shirt, on the other hand, would probably be worth a fortune today.

Lemuel HIckey said...

Big speed-accuracy tradeoff in bicycular mechanicism.

Douch wallah wallah wallah.

Chainring said...

Still got that CoC t-shirt?

Bender's Shiny Metal Scranus said...

A friend brought his road bike over one day, hoping I could make it shift like it should. It was about six months old, had a complete 105 drivetrain, and had never shifted well according to my friend, even after giving up on the place he bought it and taking it to two other shops. It was a mess! It took me ten minutes to straighten out all the dumb things that had been done to it, and then it shifted fine. Did I mention that he had taken it to three bike shops?

Anonymous said...

Based on that photo, you shouldn't go by "Wildcat", you should go by Cougar. Like John Cougar Mellancamp.

Roille Figners said...

That picture explains a lot.

dancesonpedals said...

Buffalo Bill-

I still ride the 8 speed setup that came with my casati in 1996(R&A cycles in Brooklyn took $100 off for not building with a 9 speed)

For years In got parts at Branford Bike; more recently I got an 8 speed campy record cassette for $50 from chain reaction cycles in northern ireland. (You're right...nobody makes decent ones...these were new old stock, or a very good counterfeit)

JB said...

CRSN CFMY

Anonymous said...

If one more idiot writes "break" instead of "brake", I'm going to brake something.

one more idiot said...

Break.

Anonymous said...

BikeFleets, Bike Stable, Stable navel, whatever works for worshiping at the altar of bike consumerism.

I like 9 speed. No French octalink for you though. And especially no Swiss thread anything unless you wanna go Phil Wood or wait for it on eBay (I have done both).
Yes, I want to put a Phil titanium/schmegmanese bottom bracket in this old Peugeot, for sentiMENTAL reasons.
The drillium Stronglight 105 works with 9 speed if you put little screws in between the chainring drillium holes to keep the chain from falling between the couronnes. Just because you can does not necessarily mean you should . . .

SCRANIUS MAXIMUS !

I hope the snow doesn't collapse my house on my stable fleet of 9 speeders !

vsk

Mrs tobaiarg

McFly said...

Pepper Keenan would be so proud.

McFly said...

The fixin your own creak and gettin talked down to by surly plumbers workin in a hardware store really hits home. I don't shelter my kids, though. Better desensitize them a lil bit for LIFE. It comes at you fast.

mikeweb said...

I dunno, upon closer inspection, I'm not sure that could really qualify as a mullet.

Here is a fine example.

And another.

Bama Phred said...

You turn your back on this blog and them BOOM, 75 comments. Oh yeah, just gotta say "dick breaks suck"

db said...

At your age, you're going to need a highly qualified mullet coach.

JLRB said...

Mikeweb @ 1:45 - +1

Looks more like flock of seagulls (long front, short back) than mullet (party in the back, business in the front)

commentatorbot_29374 said...

Swiss thread, French thread, Italian thread, Raliegh(!!) thread, cottered. Two right-hand threaded bearing cups for some of those was ridiculous. I'm glad they are gone.

I regret going to 10 speed. The shifting is fiddly compared to 8/9-speed.

Speaking of going back in time, I saw an old guy at the gym with a Body Count t-shirt on.

There goes the neighborhood!!!

DB said...

Ya know, Snob, if your kid wants to do a coast to coast ride some day, he can ride from commentator to commentator, and we can put him up for the night. That way he can meet all of the people who love you back. Or something.

crosspalms said...

Babble,
If these guys decide to auction off their unexpected hood ornament, you might think about bidding.

mikeweb said...

Some of the commentariat may remember that my freehub body had finally shat the bed after 20+ years of fine service recently.

Shimano 105 7 speed on my commutering machine, a.k.a. 'Death Proof'.

I ordered a new 7 speed freehub that turned out to be the the wrong standard for my hub body.

I ordered and entire 105 hub from Ebay just to pry off its freehub body and discover it was an 8 speed. I installed it anyway and had the right kind of spacers to use it with my 7 speed cassette.

My 90s vintage Waterford Paramount, a.k.a. 'Pain Wagon', is set up with 9 speed Ultegra.

Lob forgive me, I just purchased a new road racing machine of the crabon variety with 11 speeds. I fear my douche factor may have gone too high. At least I'm old enough to realize that fact and still not give a shit.

The End.

hellbelly said...

Corrosion of youthful conformity. Great band and great guys. Cigarettes looked cool.

McFly said...

My Raleigh Competition is 7 sp Shim 600 and shifts flawlessly. My Cannonfail is 10 sp and I am constantly fiddling with it tryin to get er'thing happy.

Roille Figners said...

Sendin shout-outs to all the condescending bike mechanics! There is a grandiose delusion among them that closely parallels the one amongst riders. There should be a term for mechanics that corresponds to "Fred" in the BSNYC sense. Docteur mécanicien would be awesome but the irony would surely be lost on them.

Sorry "bicycle mechanic," your job is one step above McDonald's. I don't pay you to do things because they require advanced education (see "doctor," "attorney," "engineer"). I pay you to handle drudgery that is too boring for me (see "clean that drivetrain like a good little bitch").

Roille Figners said...

Holy shit I just cracked open the phenomenon of the dentist who can't (i.e. won't learn to) fix his own flats!

Close it up! Close it up!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...what's all this talk about 8 cassettes and rims made of aluminium and brakes attached to them???

...am i somehow behind in not giving up my direct drive 53 inch high wheeler?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...what do you call an american who is curious about other americans on bicycle?

...bikeurious?

Roille Figners said...

I've got a fat douche-wallet. It's the one that says Bad Motherfucker on it.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Citi Bike pussifies you. that's what they sayin'

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...RF, i think you just became an honorary dentist.

Etherhuffer said...

Great post today. I took Sheldon Brown's page on building wheels and went for it. First run was a bit of learning, but in the end, I have a nice true wheel with butted spokes for about 150 douche-wallah bucks that has served me well for years.

Building a bike is not all that hard, learning the minutiae is the hard part. How to clean up a cut cable housing, why you pick a certain straddle wire length, How to wrap a bar all nicey nice. How to pick parts that work together. My greatest pleasure was looking at my 800 bucks of well built bike that would have cost me 2K at the shop and it fit right from the start.

babble on said...

Grouch - LOL! Right?

But I have a soft spot for a guy who knows how to use a tool, too.

Etherhuffer said...

Also in the world of rocket science, here is Seattle, it is a real smackdown to figure out who will give you more attitude, bike mechanics or baristas. I guess the PhD in English just does something to the brain. Plus, the barista queen of all that is beautiful and right and true in the world should work at figuring out that tea is made with 212 degree water, not 180 degree. What a savage.

teacher said...

erik the ded - rote
really?
you should have finished high school.

le Correcteur said...

CommieCanuck, February 5, 2014 at 11:13 AM:

Amen, brother! Testify!

Agent 99 said...

agent 99

le Correcteur said...

100th; and hey, Anonymous, February 5, 2014 at 12:43 PM:

Mediocre minds think alike; but I added "testify"!

Anonymous said...

Nine below zero in Fahrenheits this morning so I drove the car that I own.

flyover bc said...

For those of west of Montclaire, NJ, wherever that is, we think New York is hilarious because the police spend huge amounts of time an money trying to track down the whoever sold smack to whatever celebrity just O.D'd just after beating up an old guy for Jaywalking.

It doesn't get any better than that.

1904 Cadardi said...

Roille,

Back a number or generations ago in my family tree was a Sioux brave named Black Ax. As in, "hand me my wallet, it's the one that says Black Ax Mother Fucker."

nobody cares said...

nobody cares

Get bent said...

Get bent

crosspalms said...

1904,
I think Best Made was founded by his cousin, Harmoniously Decorated Ax

babble on said...

Etherhuffer... I so admire your skill and ability, and I do try to learn what I can about maintaining my bikes. I just suck. It would oh so surely cost me many thousands of dollars in mistakes before I built my first $800 success, and try as I might, still you'll find me running to the shop for an adjustment all together too often, FOR SAFETY'S SAKE.

Even so, being a bit of a wrench is a noble aspiration, and my sad attempts at proper bike maintenance ARE good for a laugh.

1904 Cadardi said...

crosspalms,

Family lore says was always a little light in the moccasins.

Woody Weatherman said...

Roille, I believe the term you are looking for is "singe de graisse"

Cuz you know they all smoke la beuh

the Jimboner said...

C.O.C RAWKS!!!

McFly said...

Dang babs that would make a good home movie. Cue Scene: (Hapless MILF stumbles into bike shop right at closing time needing her Q Factor spread out a little bit. And her knees are skint up. And she is broke.)

ACTION! (Intro of discussing various lubes?)

Euro Spondee said...

Etherhuffer - black tea, yes, green tea, no.
That is all

Spokey said...

"Even so, being a bit of a wrench is a noble aspiration,"

or

Even so, being a bit of a wench is a noble aspiration,

I've yet to tackle a wheel build or a BB replacement. Everything else is fair game. Eventually I get it working even though sometimes you can hear my breeks 3 counties away. I did recently take the como in for a creak that's been irritating me since last spring. They said they tightened some ring bolts. Didn't think to check those. Wooda been nice to not be going creak, creak, creak across the Mason Dixon line along the GAP last summer.




robot oserizi foundings. I told him to put the oserizi back where he found it.

xyxax said...

@Mikeweb,

November or PF?

Dooth said...

My bike mechanic is soooo stuck-up...he insists on being called Doctor...Doctor Vinny Boomnuts. I said to him, "hey Doc, every time I pedal my bike creaks"...he said, "well, then, stop pedaling."

babble on said...

SOME of us don't have to ASPIRE to wench-ness. We're the part of the cycling population supporting that peculiar class of humans prone to giving themselves ridiculous monikers like Boomnuts.
Sigh.

Roille Figners said...

I. If your mullet is hairsprayed to the point of being a helment, it becomes a mullent.

II. Oh I know how to fix my own bike. Because
a. I can afford my own tools, from working at my grown-up job that I had to go to college for.
b. I have plenty of time, like the Snobz be sayin', and I actually give a shit a little, since it's my own bike (or that of my little snuggy-wumpkin).
c. There is this thing called the internet.

III. Choquez le singe!

mikeweb said...

xyxax,

Neither one. Went with a Ridley.

babble on said...

Etherhuffer - a geologist I know is very particular about his tea, and he insists it's a terrible thing to use water which is too hot, cause it scalds the leaves and makes it bitter. Personally, I can't taste the difference.

Um... and having switched from coffee to tea, I've learned that matcha rules. Everything. OMG a matcha latte is waaaaaaaay better than any kinda coffee, though it's hella expensive, too. If you want to buy it in small quantities it will run about $40 for 80 grams. I use two scoops per cup, so it's ridiculous unless you order it online in bulk, where you can get 2 lbs for $120.

Definitely NOT more cost effective than coffee, but much better for the body...

Grouch... bikeurious? lol... :D

dancesonpedals said...

Hapless? Babs has a surfeit of hap..2 days after cracking her noggin or drinking a wicked potion she's riding her bike in 7 inch heels and/or blogging...she's as happy as something quite happy. Never hapless.

Anonymous said...

http://imgur.com/r/wtf/PkAkkxZ

Roille Figners said...

Babs in line with my previous comments today I would say learning bike mechanicry is a pretty doable thing, almost as doable as you, sweetie.

They have (at least down here in Seattle's scranus) classes just for women so you don't have to be hit-on and condescended-to.

Woody Weatherman said...

Other options:

singe soufflant

lubrifiant technologie

clé banger

pauses de bite

Etherhuffer said...

@Babs
Matcha is completely an expensive niche tea due to it being produced in Japan. The tea leaves are steamed then dried, instead of rolled or fermented. Then its ground into dust. Very unique, very expensive.

I am in the process of planting tea plants at our house. You can make a passable green tea in Seattle, albeit in the Japanese style of regular green, not matcha.

Oh, and growing and making tea is a far more worthy concern than wrenching on a bike.

Etherhuffer said...

@Roille
Harbor Freight used to have a bike tool set for cheap that got you started with the main tools. I don't think they have it now, but its worth looking. Took the sting out of learning how to wrench.

Etherhuffer said...

http://images.harborfreight.com/manuals/94000-94999/94298.pdf

Tool starter

McFly said...

I totes meant to say strapless......a strapless MILF........dang auto correct.

babble on said...

RF - thank you, bless your heart. It's not that I don't try... I do. It's just laughable. Just this morning, my younger son said "Mum I know one thing for certain. I got my klutziness from you." Sad, but true. He's right, bless his soul.

It's not hapless, and definitely not helpless, but it's hopeless. Sure, I can ride, but that's only cause I've done my time. I can do all sorts of girly girl things with my hands, too, including make a light and delicate pastry, or even some fine stitching, but mechanics? Sigh. Yes, I can change a tire, or adjust my cables, but anything which requires skill? Nuh uh. That's why I know so many guys with names like Boomnuts.

Maybe a girls-only course is the answer... anything is possible.

And Etherhuffer - another geologist I know, one who works in the nuclear industry, told me to stay the fuck away from Japanese tea of any sort, since radiation sucks, and the tea district is near Fukushima. My matcha is Swiss Organic certified and Korean grown. And it's expensive cause matcha is like drinking green tea on EPO. You get a whole order of magnitude more of the good things in your tea cause you are consuming the whole leaf.

ouabacher said...

Being formerly from the world of automotive wrenching and constantly taking classes to try to keep up with the explosion of technology, I could only dream of the simple, no-brainer life of bike wrenching.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Speaking of specialized tools, I have a nipple wrench made by the Purple Nurple Company.

kingofrance said...

did you play drums for the Minutemen

McFly said...

Your tea is Swiss organic certified and Korean grown? Isn't that like sayin my Trek is Fabian Cancellara approved and Asian curated?

Torque 2 Me said...

I used to be unsure about attempting tasks that 'mechanics' did. Then one day remembered the type of person that ended up in shop class at my high school. I thought that if people who had trouble remembering their locker combination could make a living fixing things then surely I could turn a wrench too and have some success. Never looked back. Maybe it's because I always had trouble remembering my locker combination.


Anonymous said...

Scotty Wittlake rode a track bike from Portland to NYC in 31 days with no money. This kid needs to come with some realness.

Dave said...

In forty years I've taken my bikes in for work maybe three times, for stuff that needed a weird tool that I'd use that one time only. I like doing everything else myself, but I don't blame those who contract it out. Thing is, you have to find a decent mechanic, always a problem, just as with cars.

My favorite part of bike-mek action is when I have some bizarre problem, and I root around in my boxes of greasy ancient detritus and find something that I can make work, that's been in there for decades. Excelsior! I shout, all alone in the garage.

dancesonpedals said...

hey woody weatherman

forget "singe de graise" the proper French term is "mow de lawn"


and subway accident is, toulouse lautrec

ge© said...

I kinda want a Swatch now. I don't even wear a watch. WTF?

Bought a new tire today. Sidewall said to install on crotched rims only. Fortunately the bike guy (may or may not be a mechanic) googled Sheldon Brown for a definition. Who's the dentist now? I don't even google bike stuff myself. Picked up a Scranus® rim to mount it on. Crotched - heheheh.

Herschel Raney said...

I don't drink coffee because it is good for my body. Shit. I drink it so I don't stagger on out into traffic and die and so I can tell my morning suppositories from all the other pills. Plus hot single malt in the morning makes me snort.

McFly said...

Damn straight Herschel. 95% of the time I make it in the shop. The other 5% the maintenance super makes it with 1/4 cup of grounds to a full Bunn decanter. WTF man? Thats coffee flavored water.

Grumpy Gus said...

I still run all that shit...

Vegas said...

Once after descending a steep, very rocky trail, I lifted my montaynbykcicle to portage it across the washed-out section at the stream crossing in the canyon bottom. Upon doing so I heard a "shhhhlop" as the fork lowers removed themselves from the uppers. The brake cable was the only thing holding the front wheel. Luckily I wasn't big into jumping or the wheel might've availed itself of my bike whilst I was riding. Bike shop mechanics are not infallible.

Oh, and "quiver" is the supercool term for your arsenal of bikes.

Afgani confider
Do I have to do the CAPTCHA if it's spelled wrong AND it puts me on an NSA watchlist?????

Anonymous said...

Corrosion of Conformity. Nice one.

And the Gold Statue goes to said...

McFly@819 zooms in for the win.

JB said...

I need some Afghani matcha, if you know what I mean.

confused said...

Is this a blog about Tea or a blog about bicycling? Tea Snob NYC? THC Snob USA?

McFly said...

My buddy in the Nat'l Guard used to tell me tales of Afghani matcha.....

Anonymous said...

It's a bicycling blog as a pretext for mental masturbation.

JLRB said...

except today the lazy fatuous has not provided fodder

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