Friday, February 7, 2014

BSNYC Friday Flyer On Bulletin Board At Supermarket Advertising Used Treadmill For Sale!

They did it, they did it!  The brave people of Portland actually rode in the snow!

We're, like, sooo psyched for you gais!

According to comments on the above post, snowdrifts in the bike lanes during the evening rush reached heights (or depths, depending on how you look at it) of up to three inches, requiring riders to occasionally ride outside of the bike lane--or, in extreme circumstances, dismount the bicycle altogether.

For many Portlanders, this was the first time they'd ridden in challenging conditions involving forced dismounts without first donning a stupid costume.

Of course, it's easy (really, really easy) to tease the people of Portland, though a commenter on yesterday's post did point out the city doesn't have snowplows and stuff, and if that's true I bet they're really kicking themselves right now for spending all that money on bike lanes--and that's to say nothing of that goofy bike counter:

(Yeah, instead of congratulating yourselves you could have bought a plow.  Nicely done.)

Anyway, you can expect Portlanders to stop talking about this exactly when the next snowstorm Hell.

Meanwhile, around these parts, the minivans are incapacitated:

The tertiary roads are still pretty messy, mostly due to people digging out their minivans and throwing the snow into the street:

I love that the car dealer is using this as advertising.  See what happens when you walk?

Anyway, for those of you in Portland, here's a little winter cycling tip: nothing handles better in snow than a bike with a really long wheelbase.

Well, almost nothing:

Seriously though, the Big Dummy is great in snow.  It's like a Jewish American Princess--it just doesn't wanna go down.  (Relax, I'm allowed to make that joke.  I went on a "teen tour" for fuck's sake!)  That's because there's absolutely no way that enormous rear end is slipping out from under you.

("There's absolutely no way that enormous rear end is slipping out from under me."--Mario Cipollini)

Also, it's always good to throw some weight over the rear wheel to aid in traction, and I like to use a human child for that.  Sure it's cold, but they can only complain until their mouths freeze, and at this time of year it doesn't take long, especially if you find a good long descent.  Anyway, with a setup like this you're good to go through hill and dale:

(What the fuck is a "dale?")

Though if it snows you can always take the bus, and my pants would be totally on fire if I said I haven't been hitting the mass transit pretty hard these days myself.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see French Canadians.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and keep that rear end planted.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) Portland's "Worst Day of the Year Ride" has been cancelled due to bad weather.


(Apparently, whoever took this cynical stock photograph only had access to four bucks.)

2) Which legal defense for running down a cyclist is back and, apparently, still working for wealthy people?

3) Which legal defense for running down a pedestrian and leaving the scene is now being tested in Arizona?

4) Faster cyclists are:

(A typical New York City cyclist.)

5) According to a study, New York City cyclists are getting more:


6) According to Mike Burrows, do bicycle wheels affect ride comfort?


7) In the Kickstarter universe, the solution to homelessness is to house people in:

***Special Crack-Is-Wack-Themed Bonus Video***

(Via a reader)


Anonymous said...

Texas Scranus

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

...or forth?

Anonymous said...

Can't count today...

jayteepee said...

Podium! and on a fat bike in Portland snow! Suck it woosies.

Anonymous said...


jayteepee said...

Or not

qauk said...

top ten yeah!
may hsteamp

Skylar Grey said...

I'm coming home
I'm coming home
Tell the World I'm coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes

mikeweb said...

I finally rode in today.

Got sick and tired of being jammed into crowded subways. There's a reason they came up with the phrase 'nut to butt'.

Daniel said...

while shoveling my walkway in Portland this morning, saw a guy ride by on a fatbike. Smug look on his face. I could totally tell what he was thinking: this investment in a fatbike was totally worth it...

top 10ish

McFly said...

haha....he got mauled by that wave of slush. I bet it had used condoms in it.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous has been relegated due to not holding their line during the sprint, the podium has been awarded to Jayteepee, Qauk, and Skyler Grey, nice job!

worst commenter of the day said...

Happy Friday!!!

Serial Retrogrouch said...


...every winter i literally, physically, get sick and tired of riding nut to butt on the train. this winter is especially bad for that... seems the trains are riding nut to butt, too.

babble on said...

Our goofy bike counter thingy is broken ... it tells all the cyclists what the rest of the world thinks of us, that we're all just zeros.

Comment deleted said...

J'aime le rap des gangstas. Garcon!

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous has been relegated due to not holding their line during the sprint, the podium has been awarded to Jayteepee, Qauk, and Skyler Grey, nice job!",

There are in fact at least 2 Anonymi on today's podium, and at least one assume enough time had passed to allow someone else to take 3rd.

Buffalo Bill said...

I wanna see Robs Fords dance to that french rap shit.

Anonymous said...

Got that to the tune of "Omaha...hut"?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

... from article: Wednesday, prosecutor Greg Peinado said Jain will be charged with a misdemeanor rather than a felony because evidence suggests that Jain did not 'act in such a reckless way that creates a high risk of death.'

...WTF is a high risk of death, as opposed to cyclist is DEAD?

db said...




JLRB said...

SR -

Right - falling asleep at the wheel = reckless enough to kill in my book.

I wanna see Rob Fords ride a fat bike

I wanna see Rob Fords ride a crack bike

I don't wanna see Rob Fords crack while he rides a bike

3G said...

That song makes me want to punch elderly people in the stomach as hard as possible to give them the diarrhea.

Anonymous said...

Comment deleted said...

NYC cyclist are getting more...dead.

I lol'd, hard. But it's a poignant, bittersweet lol.

Anonymous said...

What JLRB really wants to see is Rob Ford crack a fat.

McFly said...

We can't seem to get any dang snow here in White Trashland. It's cold as a witches' pierced labia but that's it. I don't really WANT snow but if it's going to be 18 degrees Americanese for 2 months straight then it would be nice.

I guess.

ge© said...

But can you amortize that fat bike to work out cheaper than bus fare? If it snows ...

All these robot numbers - I'm starting to think I'm doing someone's taxes for them. Sneaky robots.

A very mean person said...

Too bad the auto dealership did not have its showroom windows smashed in by the sluchwave.

McFly said...

Check out this gem Maybe a LBS mechanics touch is not such a bad thing.

DB said...

Your kid wasn't in today's photo.
Did he fall off?

Logbig said...

How can Rob Ford be so fat? He dances non-stop for ten minutes without breaking a sweat.
AND he smokes crack. All the crack whores I hang out with are hella skinny.
Man, if that guy didn't dance and smoke crack he'd probably be like 650kg.

Anonymous said...

that was my bikeportland comment about the forced dismounts... AMA

the Jimboner said...

I was down in Rio yesterday and dawdled til rush hour to be certain it was "nut to butt" on the train as the butts are much more buttier around these parts.

Also diarrhea, that is all.

leroy said...

Today, I also got fed up with not riding. My dog offered to calculate my time off the bike in dog years. I declined. It already feels like dog years.

I rode a CitiBike over the Brooklyn Bridge, then took the subway. Bridge was fine, but too much slush and ice chunks in the streets to navigate that part of the ride enjoyably.

Also didn't have a helmet so if I was hit from behind it would have been my fault.

Ride safe all!

babble on said...

Lol! They can only complain till their mouths freeze. Yer sooo funny snobbers.

That's why I loved the Burly trailer in the winter, cause the boys were always as toasty as can be. Sometimes I threw in a heat pack when it got super cold, and it got super cold with the first one for a few years in Alberta. Ground level is at about 2000 ft all over the place, fer goodness sake. They were always happy as Larry in there, the both of em. And dogs. Dogs love em, too. Gets a bit messy when you put boys AND dogs in together...

Sigh. I am such a sappy dork. The Olympics always draws me right in... I wept a river of tears through Swan Lake.

Wow. Just wow.

Andorra. Who knew?

Spokey said...

SR @ 12:59 PM
There was no high risk. There was only certainty. So no negligence.

robot says: 99834862 to your 87 sucka

mikeweb said...


I wouldn't worry about the no healment thing.

The way those Citibikes are built, if you get hit from behind anything up to an SUV would be totaled. The bike would need a new rear fender.

BikeSnobNYC said...

A very mean person,

Actually it did.

But I doubt they mind since I'm sure insurance will cover it and they got a viral video for free.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

FR8 said...


Long wheelbase and kids works great in the snow but how about the sheets of black ice in the bike lane. Thanks Lenny's!

commie said...

ROFO better check himself, before he wrecks himself.

Eurodude said...

Another little winter cycling tip, way cheaper than a Surly:

Schwalbe Marathon Winter, about $65. Good on snow, excellent on ice. Actually safer than... walking.

Oh, and weed!

babble on said...

Bikes are always safer than walking in the winter, cept maybe road bikes... they're safer than cars, too, far as I can see.

Regular guy said...

"defective and unreasonably dangerous when used in a normal, intended and foreseeable manner,"

Wow, the car was only 10 days old, I've had 15 year old rustbuckets that were apparently more road-worthy than that guy's Tesla.

And Portland, Portland, Portland, you missed the opportunity of a lifetime to have a truly epic "Worst day of the year" ride, at least by Portland standards.

That Arizona story is a tough read; dinner rolls, potlucks, diarrhea, sleeping pills. I don't think I would be out on the road (or sidewalk) in anything less than a Hummer in Arizona with all the retirees out there. In a round-about way, I guess that jogger got nailed by Montezumas revenge, or was the driver guilty of driving under the influenza?

mikeweb said...

The dangers of black ice vs. white snow.

The more you know...

Anonymous said...

Mmm, that cyclist in question 5 must be fast, because he sure is attractive.

Regular guy said...

I agree with Babs. The Burley is the bomb for hauling kids in winter. 12 below was the all-time low for my kid on our 5 mile trip to pre-school. He sat back there snug as a bug.

But a question, who's Larry and what makes HIM so happy?

JLRB said...

I used to think my son enjoyed the Burley rides - they gently rocked him to sleep - turns out he was terrified and went into a state of sleep-like shock to deal with it. Nothing like the scars of childhood

babble on said...

Mikeweb - ++ Yeah, but Black Ice perseveres!!

And Larry was the best character in the Game of Smiles way back in the seventeenth century. In New Zealand. I kid you not.

babble on said...

JLRB - lol! Right? Every parent does it, somehow, some way.
My boys both screamed as soon as you put em in a car (they both get carsick) but maybe that's cause I rode bikes instead of sitting in cars when I was carrying...? (I was a normal baby who fell asleep in a car)

JLRB said...

Babs - I thought was the Game of Smiles

Call me Larry

Regular guy said...

I guess we should cut Portland some slack, the conditions there can be atrocious, Subaru or no Subaru. Anybody see this video?

Anonymous said...

Make it stop, please.

babble on said...

Well now THAT is a whole new take on it... you've gotta love progress!

and wow... shuffleboard cars.

commie said...

Babble, you live in Vancouver, where "winter" is slightly colder rain.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Regular guy,

Holy crap!!! How and why???

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Make it stop, please?

babble on said...

Commie, it's true. I saw a snowflake this morning and thought "how cute...!" but yer lookin at one of those ever so annoying "been there, done that" transplants. Between living in Edmonton, Canmore, and Banff, I've seen more than a few snowy cold snaps from a two-wheeled perspective.

Dooth said...

Portland seems like a wonderful place to live...think I'll retire there, instead of the south of France.

babble on said...

Anonymoaner. Hey girlfriend. What's the matter with you today, ye poor, wee thing? Are the nasty voices in your head distressing you again?

There there. Why don't you go for a long bike ride? You're sure to feel all better in no time, sunshine...

CommentorBot9000 said...

Holy crap!!! How and why???"

Well, one can speculate:

1. Ice on a steep hill (grade not apparent with camera angle from above.)
2. Summer tires, no grip on ice.
3. Driver of first car panics and keeps foot on gas.
4. Drivers of later vehicles have brake pedal to the floor (brake light appear to be on) locking all 4 wheels. All 4 wheels are locked, so any ABS system cannot sense any wheel speed difference, and assumes the car is stopped. No steering with 4 locked wheels; car just slides like a pat of butter on a hot pan.

If you search “Ice Crash” on you tube you can find lots of similar videos.

CommentorBot9000 said...

"If you search “Ice Crash” on you tube you can find lots of similar videos."

commie said...

That Portland video looks like some type of mega curling game. I guess winter tires are not made vegan yet. Half to admire the one guy who managed to hit every car in Portland before stopping.

JB said...

Why didn't someone just go to the top of the street and tell people not to enter?


Herschel Raney said...

Top-of-the-street guys one two and three are all dead.

Anonymous said...

Hey Snobby,

One of these days you can use a GoPro to film your urban rides, in lieu of the phone pics.

Tell all the spandex jokes you want, but a young French Canadian woman in spandex ain't that bad.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous@3:40 and Anonymous@3:50, has it stopped yet?

Anonymous said...

I live in a sensible place where it never snows, but even so I'm aware that to deal with snow and ice you festoon your tyres with a whole bunch of cable ties for grip if you've got disc brakes or if you've got regular brakes you screw a whole bunch of little screws through your tyres to act like teeth for grip.

Why can't any of you show some spirit and do that instead complaining about the weather?

Come the apocalypse, you'll last about 30 seconds.

Dale said...

I'm a dale, thank you very much!

Anonymous said...

My mailman wears shorts all freaking year long. Rain, snow, sleet, it just doesn't seem to matter. What the hell is wrong with his brain! I see other posties too wearing shorts as they push through the snow banks. I think they're secretly laughing at me because I have trousers on when I ride my folding bike. I'm sure they are also reading and smirking at the postcards my mother sends me from her holidays. In fact I think he's at the door now forcing objects that are too big though the slot... I've got to hide.

Kerry said...

JB at 4:49:

There was someone from NYC standing at the top of the hill waving everyone down that street....reportedly, he looked like BSNYC

McFly said...

Maybe inverted fork is the new thing.

We finally got the snows. And here I sit at occupation. 'Til 10 or 11 anyway. Then its fire up the Honda and tie some sleds to it.

Regular guy said...

Yeah McFly, the reversed fork is a good performance boost, makes the bike twitchy as hell, but corner like scheit.

It is the latest thing, but that guy went about it wrong.
This is how it's done.

babble on said...

You've fallen prey to the not so big chill too, have you?

Anonymous said...

The bike counter was donated from private funds you pessimistic dolt

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:34pm,

Shoulda donated 'em a plow.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Regular guy said...

I wish I had a bike counter on my commute. I would do a few laps around it to pad the results. That would help make the donor feel like they got their moneys worth.

Come for the pessimistic dolts, stay for the pie plates.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JLRB said...

One man's pessimistic dolt is another's fatuous douche-wallah

JLRB said...

Somebody was explaining to someone else how to unstick a gummed up freehub, which I need to do - can't find it and the advice out in the webs calls for taking out seals and balls (easy Canadians - not those kinds of seal balls) which I am not interested in doing. I have a replacement on the way but in the mean time ...

What was the advice?

(trying to get the stable, fleet, quiver of bikes ready for the day when the weather stops sucking ass)

JLRB said...

on the counters thing - many biketrail/MUPs around the DC area have some form of counters on them, but they do not display results - I think the counts go right to the NSA - along with all the data off your phone when you pass

Don't forget to line your helmeat with tinfoil

And now back to the weekend

Roille Figners said...

Wait a minute. If you ACTUALLY DO the thing there's "no risk" of, doesn't that prove there was a risk of it? Doesn't it prove in fact, that the risk was 100%? Ow my brain.

Also I do hereby and with premeditated foreknowledge invite the further mocking of Portland:

Spokey said...

Portland around noon today (Sun). Reported by peaches. And yes it is a Subaru
1398 4855695

my portland robot says 1398 4855695

Tal F said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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JB said...


The risk was not 100%. Flip a coin. You got heads. Does that mean that heads is a 100% chance? No.

That said, throw the book at 'em, Danno. Or something like that.

Meanwhile, on Craigslist...

Regular guy said...

JB, re. Craigslist.

I like the part about getting everything on the towel.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Regular guy, during sex, I get everything on the towel.

Anonymous said...

We only aim for a towel if it's that time of the month.

Roille Figners said...

If we're gonna get all "statistics" and shit: If I flip a coin once, I have one data point. Based on my observations, 100% of those coin flips came up heads. Therefore the chance was irrefutably 100% until you flip the coin a bunch more times and see if the estimate changes. Now we've already flipped millions of coins in human history so we're pretty sure the chance is about 50%. (Though there is always a nonzero chance your coin will behave unlike any other in human history.) But haven't done the same for Joe Schmoe And His Shitty Driving, a system way more complicated and unknowable, so as of now we have one data point, 100% of which ended in Joe Schmoe Sucks.

tubasti said...

Now if Kickstarter can figure out how to get these babies into dumpsters where the homeless can find them . . .

Freya George said...

Everything is safe if its being driven safely. As a mate said that "Bikes are always safer than walking in the winter, cept maybe road bikes... they're safer than cars, too, far as I can see." Always try to stay safe and others too by driving well and parking like meet and greet Gatwick

Sohaib Ahmed said...

Wait a minute. If you ACTUALLY DO the thing there's "no risk" of, doesn't that prove there was a risk of it? Doesn't it prove in fact, that the risk was 100%? Ow my brain. meet and greet parking gatwick

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