Friday, December 20, 2013

This Just In: If You Need Me, I'll Be Gone For The Holidays!


Well fuck me, it's that time of year again:


Sure, yes, it's fender time, but it's also Christian Hanukkah, followed by the Roman New Year, which means I'm signing off of this blog until Thursday, January the 2nd, in the year Twenty-Hundred and Fourteen, at which point I will resume regular updates.

Unless I decide to re-imagine this whole enterprise as a foodie blog called "Bite It, You Scum"--which, of course, was also the title of GG Allin's* one and only book.  (Actually, the full title was "Bite It, You Scum: The Complete Compendium of Coprophage Cookery.)

*[Sorry, I should have mentioned that link isn't safe for work, assuming naked men making doody and eating it while shouting obscenities and assaulting audience members is frowned upon in your office environment.  Then again, if you clicked on a link called "GG Allin" and expected it to be safe for work then you're kind of an idiot.]

It could happen.

In the meantime, inasmuch as it's the end of the year (at least according to the calendar which has been foisted upon us by our oppressors, I prefer to follow an ancient system of measuring time based on the menstrual cycles of your local priestess), I've taken some time to reflect.  (Well, I've taken about ten minutes, or approximately a 4,000th of a priestess's menstrual cycle.)  In particular, I flipped back in this blog to about a year ago in order to see how far we've come during that time.  So let's take a look, in a little holiday-themed segment I like to call:

"Same As It Ever Was"


(Hey, that's my line, you dick.)

Take bike tech, for instance.  At around this time last year, a muddy race revealed that disc brakes suck for cyclocross:


Whereas, a few days ago, a cold race revealed that disc brakes suck for cyclocross:


That's a year of trying to push disc brakes on a sport that involves riding around on a closed course for an hour.  Maybe after this they'll start pushing discs for track racing too.

And what about New York City area drivers?  Well, about a year ago one crashed into a Dunkin' Donuts:


(Oopsie.)

Oh, that was the second time that particular Dunkin' Donuts got hit by a driver in six months.

Then, six months after that, another car crashed into another Dunkin' Donuts:


The cabbie lost consciousness while traveling southbound on Prospect Avenue near Westchester Avenue at around 12:45 p.m. and almost struck a 17-year old mom and her 8-month old baby after he hit another car and jumped the curb crashing into a Dunkin Donuts on Prospect Avenue, cops and witnesses said.

Then a month after that another car crashed into another Dunkin' Donuts:




(Wow, good thing they were kosher.)

One person was seriously hurt and four others suffered minor injuries when a car crashed into a Long Island Dunkin Donuts on Thursday afternoon.

It happened about 3:30 p.m. at the location on E. Sunrise Highway in Valley Stream.

Then, a month after that, another car crashed into another Dunkin' Donuts:


As many as eight people were injured, three critically, after a sports utility vehicle smashed into a Jersey City Dunkin’ Donuts yesterday.

And so on and so forth, frankly I got tired of looking.

Anyway, here we are a year later and the streets are still plagued...by Dunkin' Donuts:


Well, in defense of the drivers, those Dunkin' Donuts franchises do sort of come out of nowhere.  And what is it with these arrogant people who shop at Dunkin' Donuts without wearing helments anyway?

They deserve whatever happens to them.

Moving on to Portland, at the beginning of 2013 Portlanders were losing their shit because it was "cold, to the extent they were writing poetry about it:

January —
The darkest time of the year
the rainiest month
the post-holiday sluggishness —
a bike commuter’s biggest challenge
Festive Christmas light brightened my December commutes
now gone

Leaves, vanished from the trees
dissolved into lingering dark mush on the road

Bitter darkness surrounds me
Blindly, I bang into multiplying potholes

Now it's almost a year later, and guess what?

Perhaps one day Portlanders will come to terms with the fact that winter brings cold and ice with the same inevitability of a car smashing into a Dunkin' Donuts.

Of course, my own life has been similarly stagnant.  For example, around this time last year I was coveting a folding bike:


(Why not just ride the bikes?)

Well, since then I actually did get a folding bike, but I haven't used it in months.

So there you go.

Lastly, it's been almost a year now since Lance Armstrong went on Oprah:


(When I say he "went on Oprah" I mean he was interviewed by her, not that he pulled a "GG Allin" on her.)

And now here we are in a new age of openness, transparency, and cleanliness in professional cycling.


Yeah, obviously that's a joke, Team Sky is totally on drugs, and riders are still blaming meat:


“I can advise that during the period 8th-17th October, before arriving in Japan, I was present in China for the WorldTour race, Tour of Beijing. I understand that it has been acknowledged by the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) as well as other anti-doping bodies, that food contaminated with Clenbuterol is a serious problem in China.”

Same as it ever was indeed.

And with that, I wish you, your families, your bicycles, your pets, and even those single unmatched socks in the back of your underwear drawer a nauseatingly joyous holiday season.  Thank you for reading.  I also thank the generous sponsors who have been duped into placing ads in the right-hand margin of this blog, and I hope you will patronize them with your holiday bounty if you are in the market for any of the wares that they offer.

See you again on Tuesday, January 2nd, 2014.

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine





238 comments:

1 – 200 of 238   Newer›   Newest»
Serial Retrogrouch said...

sweet

Serial Retrogrouch said...

and i will be on first position podium for the entire holidays seasons

Serial Retrogrouch said...

might as well claim all three positions.

Flyover bike commuter said...

Top ten again

Jasper said...

Early doors

Ethrhuffer said...

Early lead!

Anonymous said...

Toop Ten™

limeydude said...

yah top ten?

RoadQueen said...

Droppin' it low...

Marcel Da Chump said...

Crash test Donut.

leroy said...

Well this is a coincidence.

I am sitting here with Dunkin Donuts coffee sans helmet.

But it's de-caf.

Happy Holidays all!

Ride Festive! Ride Fredly! Ride Donner and Blitzen! But for Lob's sake, ride. It's good for the soul.

(My captcha: wasulpUSAz. Sounds like an inebriated Justin Bieber shout out at a Rockin New Year's Eve telecast.)

Yeah Cleveland! said...

I checked this morning. Definitely bathroom, coffee and then bike. Then it's all a blur.

RoadQueen said...

Have a wonderful holiday, Snob. :) Hope you, the Mrs. and Jr. all have so much joy it makes you want to throw up.

(But hopefully the Eggnog doesn't actually make you throw up.)

Merry/Happy Whatever-You-Celebrate to all!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

snobs,

didn't know who GG Allien was... thanks to you, now i have seen it all.

lob bless you.

samh said...

Serial Retrogrouch: podium 2013.

Frank Castanza said...

I gotta lotta problems with you people

WPVelo said...

same as it ever what?

McFly said...

Has anyone seen my aluminum pole?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

don't you know? donut derelicts attracts cars!

streepo said...

Fuck me it's that time of year again.

scranus

2wheeler said...

Merey Holiday - c u in Texas!

Flyover BC said...


...naked men making doody and eating it while shouting obscenities and assaulting audience members...

What won't New Yorkers do for attention?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

May your yule tide be gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anonymous said...

hey i have the same bike1 redline conquest pro except my logos are still intact. love that thing

crosspalms said...

America runs on Dunkin' indeed.

It'll be a blue Christmas without you, Snob. Enjoy anyway...

Hope it's festive and safe for everyone here!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

happy, cheery, merry, joyful, jovial, jolly, jocular, gleeful, carefree, untroubled, delighted, smiling, beaming, grinning, in good spirits, in a good mood, lighthearted, pleased... and gay times to all of you.

ride safely
consume your donuts, but watch out for your nuts
and come back here next year, ya hear.

Buffalo Bill said...

And a merry chanukhristmaza to one and all. Hope your scranus makes it through the holiday season safely.

dancesonpedals said...

NO QUIZ UNTIL NEXT YEAR!! Pleasepleasepleae ask me a question...there's all king=ds of shit floating around in my grey matter and i need to answer a question to clean the carbon from the cylinders (and mixed metaphors)

WPVelo said...

FMR, i get around to tuning in to the snobbie and he up and leafs us...to our own devices (one of which is this here commentary section-you'd think he'd lock the door or something...remember that time we posted 1000 posteses in his absinthe?...epic (good times))

wp

Name said...

I love you too, WCRM

Anonymous said...

Steve Tilford posts every day of every year.

CommieCanuck said...

we don;t have cars crashing into Dunkin donuts in Canada. We have cars crashing into Tim Hortons in America's Yarmulke.

Science factoid: 2/3 of the Earth is covered by water, 1/3 by land, and 1/3 of that is by donut shops.

CommieCanuck said...

Maybe the problem is immigrants and the exact understanding of "Drive-thru Window".

Anonymous said...

Love you too Snobby. Happy holidays to you and your family!

CommieCanuck said...

I'll have a maple dip...ahhhhh...crueller...ahhhh.. double-double... and please check my oil.

DB said...

Happy Holidays, All.

Mikeweb: planning on Brooklyn Saturday pm, the 28th. I'll tell your lady friend that you are the best and she's lucky to have you.

Anonymous said...

Oooof!!
End of the year mid-pack fodder.

Seeya next year Mr. Snob.

DB said...

Oh!
I'm signing up for the Brooklyn Bridge Swim next July.
I don't want anyone peeling in the East River until July 21st.
That means you Leroy's dog.

Comment deleted said...

"It's not easy to keep a car on the street. I mean, it's like you have to pay attention *all the time*."

"I totally didn't see that donut shop. It came out of nowhere."

Ed "no criminality suspected" Cager



CommentorBot9000 said...

"Sorry, I should have mentioned that link isn't safe for work,..."

Yeah, saved by the NSFW filter here at my work.

ge™ said...

Best thing about winter is the news reports like to point out that the dumb asses flying off the roads in their vehicles were driving SUVs. Tiny little payback for all the "wasn't wearing a helment" statements.

Anonymous said...

That folding bike has no seat, no pedals, no drivetrain. It's a giant folding scooter, but carrying a Razor scooter up the mountain would be a bit easier and you'd still get to look silly riding back down!

Anonymous said...

Happy Merry Mr Snob and Snoberatti!!

No Babs today? I hope all is OK.

vsk

babble on said...

Oh bless your heart. Just workworkworkin hard these days...

Man that guy has an ego all buck nekked like that with nothing much to show for it. Men are from Mars.

Thanks for another brilliant year, snobber doodle. I love you, too. xo xo

Spokey said...

Do I have to worry about going to the Dry Cleaner's next to the DD?

Merry Lobmas to

babs,
queenie,
commie,
mcfly,
wiwm,
serial,
anonymous,
everyone else,
and of course leroy's dog.

as well as my captcha nom deplume today and lksbeai

Roille Figners said...

Best BikePortland comment before I lost interest: "I'm glad I grew facial hair earlier this fall."

And Jiminy H. Christmas, what's with all the Dunkins getting hit? It's like a War On Dunkins. It's like Dunkin Donuts took some sort of stand that pissed someone off. Someone who doesn't have Predator drones, so that rules out the government. Although then again on US soil it's probably cheaper to just send some asshole in with a car and tell them "If you get caught just say you fell asleep or whatnot and there will be no criminality suspected." Merry Christmas!

"I heard that our competitor in the appliance business, the one who sold cold-war-era Russian stuff, has gone bankrupt, is that true?"

stoviet defeated

Spokey said...

Roille

Simple. It's a Bloomberg conspiracy. He's gone fishin' for awhile (I think about 2 months, snob probably knows better). See if the Donuts attacks taper off for awhile during this period.


pabatua deliveries

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

WCRM, thank you for another entertaining, informative and dare I say profound year of posts.

Happy FestivuChristmaKwaanza to each and all and a very happy and healthy New Year.

When we all reconvene here around the virtual campfire in 2014 to peruse Snob's latest post, New York will have a new Mayor, a new Chief of Police, and probably a new person running the DOT. Hopefully these people will take the safety and lives of street and sidewalk users not surrounded by a cage lined with airbags to be important and start holding drivers to some - any - level of real responsibility.

Anonymous said...

We love you too, snob.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-giant-cocks,32276/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus#2

mikeweb said...

DB,

Thanks in advance for the good word. Every little bit helps.

I hope you both enjoy your visit to the city!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Eben, I love you, too, but not ion that kind of way...

McFly said...

Tilford has a cupola weather vane on his roof and it's made out of cooper. Whatever that is.

DO YOU EVEN HAVE A ROOF?

Roille Figners said...

That is just bicycle-lane bad.

Kama Sutra says: Touch

his urveyti

Dooth said...

Hey, at least G.G Allin gave a shit.

Holiday Cheers to all!

babble on said...

mmm Kama Sutra... mmm.

I was just wondering what kind of trouble we might be able to cook up out here in the peanut gallery now that Wildcat's done for the year, and lo and behold up pops one of my favourite things! Cheers, Mr Figners. I like the way you think.

babble on said...

Holy Hannah what a snowstorm we've had today! Real winter for one day before it all goes away again. This is the first time in the three years I've been in Kits that I've had to ride the Rocky Mountain Soul instead of the Electra.

It's soooo pretty out there! :D

Roille Figners said...

Always thinkin' of it, I am! All the hotties in this building would be well taken care of. Even the warmies. Maybe them most of all.

Although it was just a coincidence this time... perhaps you've noticed how often I have to resort to foreigners (or foreign books) to make a captcha sound like someone said it.

On the plus side,

secretary ansnsmi

Euro Spondee said...

Never heard of GG Allin either, so I didn't know what to expect. Is he a friend of Al Goldstein? Jeez, why do you have to be so NY-centric, eh?

Dancesonpedals "there's all king=ds" that's my kind of missing-the-delete-key-by one Mac typo….

Merry Christmas and happy boxing day to all the commentariat, especially the non-anons.

Capcha: his surgards. Hopefully I'll be getting a pair of Rapha surgards in my merino stocking...

Comment deleted said...

Merry Christmasukah, Snob and family. And cool Yule to all my friends here. Ride safe and keep those eyes in the back of your head open.

balls™ said...

May the holidays keep your favorite yule log happy and warm.

Perros De Maiz said...

Good Kwanzaa everyone. Rubber side down and all that...

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Why would a blog named Bike Snob NYC be New York-centric? I'm flummoxed, baffled...downright stupefied.

babble on said...

Doh!

I become that which I judge. LOL!! EGO ergo SUM.

I've been avoiding saying Happy Christmas all cause I'm in denial that there is still so much to do before dinner (S. Dinners as we have a turkey version and a tofurkey version goin on this year, complete with vegan coconut gravy and vegan stuffing.) I love cooking dinner, and as I have children, I'm pretty adept at cooking two dinners at once, but I've never ever cooked two Christmas dinners simultaneously before so wish me luck. Please and thank you very much.

Oh, and one of the best bits about sharing a solstice feast with your nearest and dearest is that there's a lot of potent magic in the blessings you share that night. I like to make em count, and so I count em, and please know that I'll be counting you peeps amongst mine.

Happy Yule, y'all. xo xo

:D

wishiwasmerckx said...

Babs, I feel as if you tailored that message to me, personally, but then I trend towards delusional anyways.

Best wishes for a grand holiday season, and go light on the Wiccan stuff, mkay?

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and leave me some leftover Turducken as well...

the commentariat said...

I've got a lovely pair of coconuts...

BamaPhred said...

Thanks for an interesting, entertaining year Snob. Now you can really get to work procuring the elusive tofurducken. It isn't easy trying to find one big enough for your 17 children, the Mrs. Snob, Princess Labia, and the rest of your extended family.
To the next year, commentariat. It's been real, it's been fun, and it's been spectacular.

Anonymous said...

Some might consider it a little churlish to begrudge you a break, Snobby, but fuck it, you have an obligation to your readers.

Could you at least issue a greatest hits compilation to tide us over the glad tidings season? Or better yet, post links to other online cycling identities with whom we might have a fling while you're away.

Such promiscuity probably doesn't sit comfortably with your old-testament values, but most likely we'll be thrilled at the onset of our affair but will soon regret it and be overcome with guilt and shame and will seek to make amends by renewing our dedication to you by a thousandfold and freely lavish our affections all over you and maybe even buy some of the crap you flog.

Roille Figners said...

Taking next week off from work but I'll be back to haunt this thread. Feliz Navidad y prosperos aƱos. Lob bless us every one!

Bible (T)humper said...

sincerely wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

And I hope its a snowy white Christmas too.

Anonymous said...

uhhhh...not to put too fine a point on it, but the SRAM Red22 and S-700 recall had nothing to do with disc brakes - they are hydraulic RIM brakes.

Anyhooooo - have a nice holiday!

Honey Crueller said...

Direct hit on the doughnut shop! Now there's a hole in one.

Spokey said...

babs;

hope you have all the magic you wish for. Any night, not just that one.

As for tofurkey, my experience is any temps / time works. At least for the Turtle Island Roast thing I use. I'm pretty sure that thing is already cooked.

The Rook said...

Happy Christmas every one!

babble on said...

Oh good. It helps enormously to know I can't kill em with tofurkey, cranberry pecan stuffing, and a nearly invented Thai fusion coconut vegan gravy.

WIWM - course I did. Delusion Schmelusion... it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you, is it?

ken e. said...

word to the felice navidad y'all!
ride safe.

Anonymous said...

Canada Supreme Court strikes down prostitution laws

Joseph said...

Did GG Allin ever make a Christmas album?

Anonymous said...

yah top ten?


latest technology News

DB said...

Um, that would be peeing in the East River. Not peeling.
No peeing, littering or depositing flotsam please. Thank you.
Carry on.

DB said...

Crosspalms:
End of Times storm coming tonight.
Nice knowing you.

babble on said...

Oh Canada,
our home and native land,
true patriot love
in all thy sons' command!
With glowing hearts
we see thee rise
the true whores
strong and freeeeeeeeee!!!
:D

Spokey said...

babs;

isn't it a little early to be hitting the sauce?




because headards

babble on said...

Nope. Not at all. Come December, rum is so much more than just a breakfast drink.

babble on said...

Don't you know about social alcoholisming thingy? That's the rule where everybody's allowed to drink like mad dogs and Englishmen for the months of July, August and December. Anything goes. It's a real rule and everything.

And also during the Olympics. Specially this time round.

Spokey said...

sorry;

language barrier

down here in robs fords scranus we call that aerobic workouts.




achitedb repeatedly

Anonymous said...

Thursday.

babble on said...

Right? Totally. And Wednesday.

The Olympics bit probably only for real counts in the city holding the games. And in case of a hockey game. Oh forget it of course it counts everywhere.

Rum rum rum is fun
specially with some cream
add a dash of maple syrup
n'some nutmeg mmm
tastes just like a dream.

Me myself and I like to sing that one in rounds.

Yesterday my lovely chiropractor, whose name is actually Fred said
"You smell just like cookies!"

It's true. I do. :)

And spicy dark pumpkin scones with Devon custard. mmm I love Christmas because mmmmmmmmm foooooood.

Hey. Where DID everybody go? You all out doing yer patriotic duty and shopping? Oh no, or WORSE: stuck in traffic somewhere... :S


I lied about the streets here yesterday. They weren't so bad. They were slip slidey slushy fun on heavy as an anchor Bea bike, and they're better today. Any way you slice it though, life is better on two wheels, snow or no. :)


Dooth said...

Joseph, G.G Allin did make ON a Christmas album...entitled a Dung Crosby Christmas. He did raise quite a stink among the Yuletide traditionalists.

DB said...

Babs, et al:
At my Dads doing the Xmas thing.
He's watching the Lawrence Welk Christmas Special.
My brother and I are into the wine and getting ready to fire up a bowl.
Those Lennon Sisters are pretty hot.

McFly said...

So babs no more door knobs in Vancouver according to the Ellen show? Hmmmmmmmm.

That image of Oprah was when she was in a skinny phase but still had the phat ass.

I would tap that shit.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Just biding my time, riding about eight positions back, waiting to jump for the 100th comment intermediate sprint points.

I do say, dear Babs, could you pass around the Fireball Whiskey this way? I fancy a shot right about now...

leroy said...

I'm pretty sure Patty Smith did not sing "Peeling in a river".

But my dog promises Mr. DB he will refrain from peeling upstream from the Brooklyn Bridge this July.

Which is odd because I thought that time and tides wait for no man.

I think my dog may talking about potato preparation.

Spokey said...

wiwm said I can 96

Spokey said...

wiwm said I can 97

Spokey said...

wiwm said I can have 98

Spokey said...

wiwm said I can have 99

Spokey said...

I said said I can have 100 as I finish off that cider and stoly. I guess now to bed.

babble on said...

Kisses!

Er... How DID you know Fireball was the flavour of the day this weekend, WIWM? My girlfriend dropped by with a bottle on Friday night and it's still going strong, blessed be.

Mcfly -Yes! Didn't you know? We're world leaders in the door engineering-ing over here on the left coast. These days we're very ban the knob, grab the handle-ish. Did Ellen share why? Did you know that people the world over are flummoxed by the knob? Hmmmm? This is a serious issue, you know!

Time and tides wait for no man and turkey and potatoes hurry for no cook, man or woman. Yesterday I discovered that this year's turkey is too much of a monster to fit in the roasting pan. Not an auspicious beginning, but it's one of those first world problems it's good to have.

DB - sounds like the perfect evening to me... :D

McFly said...

Something about levers being easier. Then they did a skit and made y'all look like idiots. Pretty bad when The Ellen is bashing your culture. Sidebar I went to eat with my grand mama and my cousin and his gay lover for Christmas today. I had to bring up the fact that I am gettin a full bore physical tomorrow at 11. Just for awkwardness sake.

Deja Eva said...

Thnkx so much for this! I havent been this moved by a blog for a long time! You have got it, whatever that means in blogging. Well, You are definitely somebody that has something to say that people should hear. Keep up the wonderful work. Keep on inspiring the people!
Cycling Games 43

Ahmed ahmad said...


Great topic thanks
http://www.engazz.com

BamaPhred said...

Claiming the Festivus Prime.

McFly said...

Ok about to go in for the full bore physical work up. Can you ladies give me some tips on how to make anal penetration more enjoyable? Or dudes. I don't want to go all Duck Dynasty on ya.

McFly said...

And before you even say it yes I sprayed some Axe body spray around my bung hole. Think it was Sexual Choclate or something to that effect.

DB said...

Take it like a man, McFly.
I had it done last Monday.
Make sure you get the KY wiped off good or you'll go flying off the first barstool you sit on.

Anonymous said...

McFly won't slip off the bar stool if he flips it upside down.

And the cousin and partner 'll join him for a drink.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

mcfly,

i know it's gross... but i've heard you have to go for an enema before engaging in bungholish pleasures... or at the least take a big dump.

so gross... but enjoy.

the lurking beast said...

Ok, monday, only 110 posts here. I suggest a new routine that should provide at least 400 posts by the time RTMS returns:
Coffee, bathroom, ride, comment, (rinse, repeat)

Anonymous said...

GG Allin's greatest accomplishment, other than eating doody, was dying young. He sucked. Justin bieber is more musically authentical than GG. mmmm, donuts.

Buffalo Bill said...

Relax McFly, once you get to a certain age, they start scheduling regular colonoscopies, you know, because asscancer.

Makes the full physical seem pretty tame.

RoadQueen said...

McFly: Don't clench, just enjoy. Might inspire you to engage in a little self-prostate-tickling. Nothing wrong with that, from what I hear it feels good.

Babble - were you able to locate a bigger roasting pan? If you can get it into the bottom, you may have to engineer a lid made from foil.

I'm out of beer at home. Balls.

McFly said...

What the duece they skipped it altogether. I was feeling sexy and everything. At least there was a nurse with a fat little booty wrapped in scrubs. Who ain't down with that action? She said my BP was a little high and I was thinking jigglejigglejigglejigglejiggle hmmmmm what did you say?

Anonymous said...


Thanks for a year of entertainment, a good book and lots of laughs.

Salty and Sore said...

What?! All that training and all I had to do was go to China?

Bah!

Vive le Donette du Dunquin!

Spokey said...

BBilll

I love those colonoscopies. Better sleep that I usually get. Wake up refreshed and clear headed. Plus because you're given a general, you have to get chauffeured to & from. I hear that in other parts of Robs Fords scranus they just give a local but around these parts you get a full blown knockout.


quennie

" If you can get it into the bottom, yo" Was that some sly reference to McFly that I didn't grok?

Tiny Tim said...

Babs has encountered something too big to fit in her pan. That's gotta be a first.

grog said...

Winter has begun, the days get longer. Sing and dance, eat and drink. All I want for Saturnalia is Recumbabe.
Happy New Year Mr.Snob!

JLRB said...

New Year's Resolution - put the pussy on the chain wax!

DB said...

Ha! JLRB.
I watched that Friday night.
Love those guys. Especially the East-West Bowl game skit.

Anonymous said...

Hello mate, you want to ride faster? Are you powerless?
Want to be faster than lance strong?
Be fast and use Energy Noodles! http://www.energynoodles.com

Jed said...

I can't stop laughing! I am going to scrawl this on a t shirt and wear it in a drunken stupor for the rest of the week. FEST IVUS

Spokey said...

Hmmm

Energy Noodles

I could use one of those.

I think I'll have some more vodka and cider tonight. But tomorrow I'm definitely buy some nog and Glen Morangie.

Can't decide between Capt Morgan and Sailor Jerry though. Perhaps Jerry. Going for Captain is probably a bit above my station in life.




homage to my captcha tonight: deicsen many

commentatorbot_3497 said...

Duders,

BikeSnob is showing his age.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GG_Allin

GG Allin only resonates with a smaller set of old folks who listened to the hardcore punk.

The song I remember is "one man army"

pearlspimp said...

Hi

I think so that the climbing and the cycling

Buy views for youtube

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

My brother in law smokes a turkey every year for our shop xmas party. It takes hours. I don't know where he finds a rolling paper big enough.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"Best wishes for a joyous holiday season" is a salutation often repeated rotely, but in this instance, I sincerely mean it to each and every one of you, even ChamoisJuice.

leroy said...

My dog says he got me an iconic local bridge for the Holidays.

So of course I loaned him $100 to have it gift wrapped.

And of course I know he didn't really get me the Brooklyn Bridge and I'm never going to see that $100 again.

But hey, it's the Holidays.

And it's the thought that counts.

Joyous thoughts to all!

babble on said...

Yuppers I did, thanks, Queenie. :)

Happy to hear of your escape from violation, McFly! Re: making Vancouverites look like idiots? We're Canadian. It's not exactly a stretch.

Re: The Rum-ing-ness of things - Try the Kraken. MMMMMM Kraken. :D

Spokey said...

wiwm

thanks and back at you.

Now I feel a little bad for jumping the sprint to 100. Oh what the hell. I'm lying. I was glad to snag the 100, but I wish the best to everyone.

A special shout out to leroy's dog. And condolences to the East River.

Got my nog so I'm off the cider routine. Got the cheese cake done and ready to go to princess' tomorrow with both sailor jerry and the glen morangie.

babs, you don't need anything special for nog. I'm using bacardi 151 right now. By the third glass, it could be turpentine. Maybe it is.


and a New Year's cheer to my captcha 29799 28995445

McFly said...

Merry Christmas arybody! Who's got 2 thumbs and is getting a fancy new suspending type forks tomorrow? THIS GUY. Cause I been good. Kinda.

RoadQueen said...

Merry Christmas and stuff to all! Just got done watching the little man open his Christmas bounty.

Breakfast casserole is in the oven, and family are on their way. Hope everyone is having a blessed day!

Anonymous said...

Truly the Cal Ripken of bike bloggers.
Yeah, thats ironic for those slow on the uptake.

anonymoose said...

May the Peace and Love of Our Lord Jesus Christ be with everyone! Except the spammers. Go fuck yourselves.

The Rook said...

WOW. One Christmas wish was for my girlfriend to dress like Babble,(helment, leather mini, and heels) and give me a handy. She looked at me funny, but was a good sport! Robotic captcha: aslain testimony

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Merry Christmas all,

With apologies to all those of you hunkered down in freezing temperatures around the country and points north, but in the Bay Area this morning it was warm, sunny, blue skies. I was taking off my wind jacket and rolling up my sleeves. You get your own back in August when we are fogged up. Bit of a swirly wind coming off Mt Tam just so you had to keep paying attention, but otherwise a gorgeous day to be getting in some fresh air and sweating out the beers.
Ride safe, especially after egg nog.

Anonymous said...

My favorite day of the year.

It's our annual Christmas Night New Pack of Panties Bedroom Fashion Show.

One pair always get a little stretched.

Over to the side.

Anonymous said...

Details on the forks, McFly?

Anonymous said...

Were they over $300 and not used off of Ebay?

McFly said...

Yes and no. It was funny cause when I opened it my immediate fam kept asking stuff like:

"Why do you need it?"
"What's wrong with the other one?"
"What is it?"
"What does it do?"
"Why does it cost 3 times as much as a perfectly good WAL-MART BICYCLE?"

All very good questions. Upgrade-itus. That's why.

JB said...

What kind of fork? W-M bicycles are not "perfectly good"!!

McFly said...

Rock shox TK 30 gold. 100 mm on an Intense Uzzi SL. I just got done redneck mutulating it onto the bike. I only mangled 1 star nut which ain't bad for me.

babble on said...

Commmmmmmmmieeeeeeeeee Tell us you're not frozen in the ice storm!

babble on said...

Oh! Oh oh oh oh oh! I gave your book to a couple of my favourite people this Christmas, Snobbers. And it makes them smile. Thank you.

Comment deleted said...

Hey folks, we all survived Xmas (except, possibly, Commie. Too bad, he was a funny dude).

It's ridiculously warm here in California's scranus. It makes me uncomfortable, but I'm riding like it's Spring, so life is good.

JB said...

Cool. I bought myself a forktacular Xmas gift. A 26-inch rigid chromoly number. Real cutting edge stuff!

My idea is to transform ye olde 26er with the rock shox Judy suspending fork into sort of a geared 26-inch BMXer - maybe going 1x up front - to ride with the kids.

My 8yo son is already wanting a mountain bike, but I want him to ride his BMX bike for a while longer, for some reason. He asked for a full-susp for Xmas... Anyone else been up this road?

RoadQueen said...

Christmas was very survivable here, looks like everyone had a Merry Ho-Ho day elsewhere.

Just the New Year festivities to get through and a late holiday party at the end of January and I'm home free!

Is it Spring yet?

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Come to California RQ, it is balmy out here - and perhaps less barmy at the moment as well. Hanging out in Tshirts at the moment...

babble on said...

Jelly.

It's pretty mild here, too, though just as I set out on my daily grind today the rains set in. I'm tired of wiping away all the blackened aluminum and brake pad residue from my pretty, shiny wheels, so I turned right around and made a second cuppa matcha instead.

Sigh... I am turning into a properly dorktastic fredlina, cause suddenly the "term winter' bike has cropped up with prominence in my consciousness.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you've got the front and rear travel well balanced!

Master of the Internet said...

Warmest Holiday Greetings To All!

Dick Lewis is watching.

Pliny the Elder said...

Road Queen, Out of beer. A tragedy of epic proportions this time of year.

babble on said...

Out of beer? That means it's time for RUM!!

Oh holy mother of all feastings, though... I cooked an early Christmas dinner with the family, and then we went for a second gobble gobble with friends on the day, and I'm still feeling stuffed like the proverbial turkey two days on!!

I'm almost looking forward to January's juice cleanse. Er, just as soon as I see to that rum... :)

babble on said...

Huh. Some guy in Ontario was killed by a flying deer on Christmas day.
:O
Only in Canada, eh?

Roille Figners said...

'Sup peeples. Flying deer... sounds dangerous! Cancel my Canadian emigration plans AGAIN!

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Does anybody else get a Annie Savoy vibe from Babble?

babble on said...

Ha! Thank you! :D
Annie was kind of wise in her way... she knew things. Only for me it's the church of bicycle cycling.

Anonymous said...

Plucked from CL New Haven. If I was more cleverer I'd hyperlink this, but doesn't real text have more impact?
I seller my trek dual sport 8.2 become I want buy a bikecycle more big!! my trek is 27" good for medium man... I buy this bike last month.. if you have a good mountain bike 29" I can acept traiding ok. please text me 203-715-6443...... let me know if you want to see a picture, I can send u a picture,, ( I Accept Tradein for PS4)Thanks

Canadian Dept of Tourism said...

Was it Rob Ford?

Strange Wording or Not? said...

"Deer had been struck by another vehicle on County Road 20, landed on different car Christmas Day".

The first time I read that I thought it was implying that the deer was hit on a different day and landed on Christmas Day. And I was like "WTF". Probably shouldn't read these things first thing in the morning with a minor league hangover.

babble on said...

If it's falling from the sky, does that make it a rain-deer?

Anonymous said...

Here is an article discussing bikes as a target for conservative nutbags. Enjoy the vacation.

The Buck Stops Here said...

I'm sure all would have been well if the deer was wearing a helmet. If it was a male of the species it could have sounded one of it's horns to warn the approaching vehicle.


Anonymous said...

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/bik/4263198085.html

crosspalms said...

2 degrees F, so I took the bus. Now that I'm at work there's hardly anyone here and nothing to do but drink coffee and eat cookies. I give myself a couple more hours before I flee...

McFly said...

cp, I, too, feel the At Work But Not Really Doing It theme in full effect.
Got an Intellegence Phone from Satan Claws so I got that to play with and going for me. Which is nice.

Panty Bandit said...

Ok. I will pay $20. But you have to throw in the socks.

DB said...

CP and McFly:
This is my busiest day of the year. Everyone waits until the last day to use their vision insurance and health benefits.
Have a great New Years.

DB said...

Hey, Mikeweb:
Didn't make it to Brooklyn flea. I sent Ms. Blint a note. Will get something from website. My sons phone crapped out and we had to make an unscheduled trip to Apple World.

RoadQueen said...

I really kinda liked 2013, until this morning. Now I kinda hope the door doesn't hit it on the way out. Or maybe I do. A little.

Anyway, who else does the pork and sauerkraut routine on New Years? Anybody got some killer tips/tricks?

Roille Figners said...

Pork & sauerkraut? Frohe neue jahr!

JB said...

DB,

My daughter broke her left arm twice this spring/summer, therefore we hit our medical deductible. We've been medical-ing the shit of things in November and December. Full-scale allergy testing for everybody (except me)? Sure! I'm trying to get approved for a Ti scranus for a tomorrow install.

Roille Figners said...

Good, make those insurance mofos do something besides stonewall and collect checks.

So today in the pre-dawn dark I pass a guy with THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT ever. It's so bright it has its own solar wind. Lo, whole landscapes are scorched 'neath its bleakly indifferent gaze. All the timid, doe-eyed root-digging peoples look up from their daily tasks wondering, "What calamity is this?" and are instantly struck blind... AND THEN INCINCERATED.

That's it. That's my story.

babble on said...

Was it flashing? I hate it when those super strong freak lights flash.

Roille Figners said...

So bright was his light that my jacket and shirt were blasted off, and then my flesh was flayed away from my bones and then the bones themselves slowly pulverized like so much sand and finally all that remained was PURE TRUTH. That's how bright it was.

In short, "I saw a bike."

Roille Figners said...

Not flashing, but lordy if it had been flashing I think I would've entered a vibrational realm where instead of a bunch of particles I would become PURE WAVE ENERGY.

babble on said...

Particles schmarticles. Nothing MATTERS. "In short," honey, you already are pure energy. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Open Letter to Vail Resorts From Pissed Off New Yorker About Legal Marijuana Use At Resorts

This blog is kinda like bikesnob, but instead of making fun of bikes, it's about dick pics.

http://critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com/

the commentariat said...

My eyes!!! My eyes!!!

Had to go look at some vagina pictures to keep from going gay!!!

Roille Figners said...

Luminous beings we are, not this crude matter. -Yoda

And hey: dicks!

Watt Not said...

Waiting for a line of light emitting yoga style pants for cyclists to drop, crafted by Lululumen.

BamaPhred said...

Holy Exhibitionism, Batman.

Quick Robin, to the Batcave.

We got to selfie our junk,

I mean we got to sext our junk,

Err I mean sell our junk.

Whatever.

So which one was Anthony Weiner?

Anonymous said...

I do not always see young Asian couples in the mall.

But when I do....

I assume I could steal her away by whipping out my superior 'Murkian schlong.....

Stay stereotypical my friends....

McFly said...

Dropping a smooth duece? Nice.

Dropping a duece with an intellegence phone and good wi-fi?
Amazing.

Anonymous said...

Hi Bike Snob NYC, I came across this video where one of the guys helping administer a beatdown is wearing a Specialized sweatshirt...
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=cd6_1388055411

babble on said...

Happy New Year! Here`s a toast to year ends, rear ends, and happy endings!

JB said...

McFly: You'll drop it in the toilet.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Babs, great riposte to Roille Figners yesterday, but I have to say my brain is going to melt trying to plot the warp in the space-time continuum between pure energy and dicks....
Happy New Year all

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

wiwm tightening up his toe clips in 10...9...

McFly said...

Good job Babble.

Very nice ending.

Sorry it came so soon.

Here's to nude beginnings.

I am usually up in the morn as well.

The dark is OK, but I kind of like being able to see the beauty sprawled out before me.
That way I don't get any in her hair.

Beth said...

Happy New Year to all!

Got my first flat of 2013 today on the way to work.

Not sure how to interpret that one.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Tedious race to 200.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I have a captcha confession to make.

I am in fact a robot. A Nexus 6 Replicant from Tyrell Corporation. Deckard has been hunting me (unsuccessfully) for years.

Suck it, captcha!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wishing a happy, healthy and prosperous 2014 to you all.

ken e. said...

"tell me about your mother..."

DB said...

I'll help you out for the 200 spot, wiwm.
McFly must have been a pretty good boy this year. New fork and an intelligence phone?

ken e. said...

leading out with a best wishes to all y'all.

wishiwasmerckx said...

199th...

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