Monday, November 18, 2013

And Thus Endeth The Great New York City Cycling Experiment

Here's a story that reaffirms my faith in New York City cycling.

A few weeks back, there was a series of violent bike thefts on the Willis Avenue Bridge between Manhattan and the Bronx:


The latest incident occurred on Nov. 1, when a 34-year-old man rode his bike over the Willis Avenue Bridge at 6:15 a.m. Police say two men grabbed the rider off his bike and began to hit him in the face with a metal pipe.  Emergency medics on the scene suspected that his nose was broken and took him to the hospital. 

So what did the police do?  They set up a sting operation in which undercover officers dressed as cyclists, and then they arrested all the assailants involved.  Furthermore, there's now a patrol stationed there to make sure cyclists can pass over the bridge safely.

Just kidding!


No, actually what they're doing is ticketing cyclists for riding on the bike path:


Rienti says the officer told him that the precinct had received complaints about cyclists using the path. Rienti told the officer that it’s a shared-use path where cyclists are allowed. ”He sort of just shrugged his shoulders and wrote the ticket,” Rienti said. ”I thought he was going to give me some sort of warning.”

And not only did they ding this guy for riding legally on a bike path, but then they dinged the poor guy again on the way home:

Update: Rienti says in a followup e-mail that he received another ticket on his commute home tonight on the Willis Avenue Bridge after an officer brushed away the DOT bike route information Rienti showed him. “He told me that you can only bike where there is a sign telling you it’s okay,” Rienti said, adding that he also plans to fight the second ticket in court.

You've got to admire the efficiency here.  A few years back, the NYPD came up with the bright idea of parking in the bike lane, forcing cyclists to ride around them, and then ticketing the cyclists for leaving the bike lane.  Of course, it's perfectly legal to leave the bike lane if you need to do so.  Therefore, they've clearly realized that if they're going to give you a ticket for something that's perfectly legal, they might as well dispense with the trouble of setting up a blockade and instead just make up some shit about how "you can only bike where there is a sign telling you it's okay."  And since, to my knowledge, there are very, very few signs that explicitly tell you "it's okay to bike here," that pretty much allows them to give you a ticket for simply being on a bike anywhere at any time.

Meanwhile, you already know this, but it bears mentioning that it's still totally acceptable to attempt to run down a cyclist with your taxicab and then sever a woman's leg in the process as she enjoys a frankfurter on the sidewalk:


Of course, nobody wants this to happen, and fortunately the president of the New York State Federation of Taxi Drivers has come up with an innovative solution:

Mr. Himon could not be reached for comment. But Fernando Mateo, president of the New York State Federation of Taxi Drivers, issued a statement calling the crash a “tragic accident” and suggesting that the appropriate response would be stricter regulation of cyclists.

This is such a staggeringly huge "Fuck You" to pretty much everybody in New York City that I'm surprised the New York Times isn't making a bigger deal of it.

Just kidding!


No, the Grey Lady's cataracts have left her pretty much blind to the fact that pedestrians are getting picked off by cars on a daily basis and that virtually all of the drivers receive the full protection of the city and state.

I went trough a period of being moronically optimistic with regard to the future of cycling in New York City when we started getting all this fancy infrastructure, but I have to admit I'm now thoroughly embarrassed and am reverting to the traditional "Every man, woman, and child for him-or-herself" mode.  It's pretty sad how they rolled out those bike lanes, lured a bunch of people onto their bikes, and then systematically kicked them all in the groin one by one, but in retrospect it's not surprising.  It's hard not to want to make a point of violating as many traffic laws as possible while cycling, because at least that way when you get a ticket for some bullshit offense like "operating a bicycle with an even number of wheels on a numbered street" you'll at least have amortized the cost of the fine.  You have to figure if you run 200 lights in a week and then get a $200 ticket for "cycling in a northerly direction while breathing" at least you've paid only a buck a light.

Meanwhile, these two are still at it:



USA Today reports that Landis’ lawyers will argue that the Wartime Suspension of Limitations act applies to the qui tam suit as the alleged federal fraud – the doping programme at US Postal – occurred in part while the United States was at war with Afghanistan.

The newspaper quotes Tony Anikeeff, an attorney with the Williams Mullen, who explained the background of the Wartime Suspension of Limitations Act. “It is a highly controversial provision of the False Claims Act. It is used by the Justice Department mostly in dealing with fraud in Afghanistan because we were at war,” Anikeef said.

I admit I don't fully grasp the ethical implications of the Wartime Suspension of Limitations Act, but whatever they are they certainly pale in comparison to the importance of settling a stupid doped-up Lycra-clad cat fight.  Maybe I can invoke the some kind of wartime defense the next time I get a ticket for riding a bicycle within 200 feet of a sidewalk--because this is America, and when the fuck isn't it wartime?

Anyway, it's remarkable that so many people and media outlets expend so much energy on a scandal within a sport that is marginally less exciting than curling.  Really, the only way you could make stage racing more tedious would be to put it into board game form--which, incredibly, someone is now trying to do:


And, for which, even more incredibly, he wants $25,000:


Though when you look at those exquisite game pieces you begin to understand why:


Yeah, those wads of used chewing gum aren't going to paint themselves.

Oh, you're also allowed to "cut off a rider:"

You can cut off a rider if you want to slow him down but remember that he can do the same to you next time so be careful with whom you mess.

Which is how you know it was designed by a Cat 4.  That's also how you know, despite the placeholder text, that there will ultimately be a card for "Sprints on the hoods, crashes self and half the field:"


It's hard to imagine a circumstance in which I'd play this game.  I suppose I might consider it if I were snowed in for a period of weeks and there was no electricity, but then again I'd probably eat it to stay alive before I'd ever resort to actually playing it.

Lastly via CommieCanuck, if you're looking for a succinct overview of the Rob Ford scandal, here you go:


If nothing else, it makes me oddly proud that, in many ways, his profound hate for cyclists is what got him to where he is today.

97 comments:

babble on said...

Hello! :D

babble on said...

K-K-K-Kiss me!

Flyover BC said...

Podium

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Podium or tip fove!

RoadQueen said...

Not da podium.

Congrats Babble!!!! XOXO!

flyover said...

O.K. Where?

DB said...

Congrats to Babs, Flyover and Cleveland.

Anonymous said...

Almost winning

RoadQueen said...

Is New York really that disconnected and corrupt??? Ticketing cyclists for made up bullshit reasons - when they were doing nothing illegal?!

What the FUCK?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Just ticketing!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No comment.

Synonymous said...

Babble has a new helment. Yea Cleaveland. Snob, I'm just speachless about what passes for logic in New York. Maybe the cyclists who got beat up should feel lucky they didn't get cited for loitering. I guess they couldn't get ticketed for biking illegally because they didn't have a bike.

Anonymous said...

Yes. Tweens!

Brandon said...

The team name that won best name in the pub trivia I was at last night: "The Assassination of Canada's Dignity by the Crack-fiend Robert Ford"

McFly said...

As a kitty eater with a fair amount of experience I can say without hesitation that one does not have to take his pants off to do it.

Yarpo said...

Qatar Vagina Stadium!!!!!!!!

Will they put a velodrome in it?

Maybe a Six-Day Labia Lap-athon?

Oh yeah, before I forget...

Smooch-O-Rama to Babbles I and II (and a fucking HUGE bouquet of flowers, and, of course, the beautiful cut crystal trophy of a cyclist with bulge-y bibshorts that you will hopefully not drop and shatter into a million pieces, a firm handshake, and I will now play a stirring rendition of O Cancouverda on my kazoo, which will scare the cats, but that's okay...) and a tip of the grease-stained Molteni cycling cap to Flyover BC, along with coupons for Kentucky Fried Taco Bell. Huzzah!

Anonymous said...

Just waiting for the day when the NYPD will forgo the ticketing of cyclists and just start running them over.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

dang diddly... twenties

but, hey, at least babs is on tops.

The King of Park Slope North said...

Get real.

Bicycle racing is no where near as exiting as curling.

The King of Park Slope on Rob Ford approved crack said...

"Exciting" ... I meant exciting.

Ah fuckit.

Anonymous said...

NOTHING MATTERS BECAUSE OF THIS:

Ford then said he never said “I want to eat your pussy” to a former female staffer, an allegation contained in the court document.

“I’m happily married, I have more than enough to eat at home,” he said, drawing gasps from the reporters gathered around his office.

balls™ said...

Someone tell Robba the Ford that's not how you do it. Then again, who would want to show him?

Congrats, Babble! Put it out there and we'll kiss it. Ladies choice.

commentatorbot_2113274 said...

Road Queen,

Don't ride your bike in Los Angeles either.

A single rider was recently ticketed on a group ride for taking the lane, which the law permits.

In most parts of L.A., it's understood that cyclists using roads are all poor, fringe-worker types, probably mentally ill and doing drugs at their jobs in restaurant kitchens. PD don't bother them because restaurant owners can't be without their back kitchen help!

A group ride is a visible threat. So, maybe L.A. is a little better. Just ride alone. And don't ask the PD to enforce law for cyclists.

RoadQueen said...

Commentatorbot - That makes me very sad. I will probably never ride my bike in either place, guess I'll stick to the inconspicuous, less populated areas.

dancesonpedals said...

Quarter Century..

I commuted into manhattan by bike saturday...being a nerd I checked google maps regarding bike lanes...google suggested the willis ave bridge, but I demurred in favor of the west side

This is obviously an Eric Scmidt-NYPD conspiracy to ticket westchester freds like me on the way to work

JB said...

"If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere."

Indeed. Why you'd want to is your business.

Yarpo said...

I guess it's safer handing out tickets to cyclists for no good reason than it is hunting down the bastards who are beating cyclists in the face with metal pipes, then stealing their bikes.

NYPD SUCKS

Nice to know that this blog was kicking Robba the Fords in the nuts long before the rest of the world joined in the fun.

biketheak said...

perhaps everyone has to adjust their spellcheck because "cyclists" and "drivers" sound like gang affiliations.
"cyclist" should be changed to "human on a bicycle" and "driver" should be "human wrapped in 2 tons of armor"

David said...

Yarpo:

Doing as little work as possible to get through the shift's donut and ticket quota is obviously a major cop motivation. But beyond that, there seems to be a perverse drive to find the most abusive ways of doing it.

Remember the Clarkson St. ticket trap for cyclists exiting the Hudson River bikeway we read about on Wildsnob a few months back? It takes work to come up with crap like that and the Willis Ave. Bridge thing, when there are cyclists actually breaking traffic laws all over the place whom they could hassle.

P.S. Can you help me find a publisher for my children's book about how the Qatar vagina stadium and the Iceland Smaralind penis mall get together?

Buffalo Bill said...

Sometimes it seems the douchebags are winning. Maybe Charlie Sheen is right.

babble on said...

Yarpo - Lol!

Thank you folks. :D As you know, up here in the Great White North, success is all in the dope.

Yup - new lid

The whole NYPD craziness is just another manifestation of the fact that America hasn't actually been a democracy for a long time. It's a fucking corporatocracy, you won't get your rights back without a bloody war. Trouble is, almost everyone is unaware of just how much is at stake, and how badly they've been duped.

And it's worse still up here. We've gone and elected the dictator from hell. Harper's last stand will definitely be the Tar Sands.

Sigh. Monday. Meh.

Anonymous said...

A few months back there were repeat attacks on cyclists up north on the hudson greenway, the cops did nothing in response to that. Looks like the same response to the Willis Ave Bridge attacks. I was jogging in Riverside park last month and came across a the scene of a multiple stabbing. While we attended to the wounded and stood over the attacker (a citizen took him down) and waited for the cops to come which took about 10 minutes, I wondered how come there are no cops on patrol in this park? I asked myself the same thing a couple days earlier when a family was chased for about 10 minutes on a weekend afternoon on the west side highway by a large group of motorcyclists (after several calls to 911). The bikers eventually caught the guy pulled him from the car and beat the shit out of him in broad day light on a busy street in the middle of the city and where were the fucking cops? (turns out a couple off duty cops were with the attacking bikers). I wrote a letter to the NY Times about this, no response of course (as we know they are too busy with hard news stories). Police commissioner Ray Kelly's immediate response to the stabbings was to be defensive and say that there are very few crimes in the city's parks (tell that to one of the people who just had been stabbed). I use the park just about every day and even the day after the attack there was zero noticable police presence there? What the fucking fuck!

Yarpo said...

David,

Try Nexus Press, Ellora's Cave, or Greenery Press right over here in Emeryville, CA!

Mayhaps you should market it for, "Adult Children of All Ages."

You're welcome!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there BikeSnob!

Sounds like a ticket quota issue to me; a sign that a PD is not sustainable.

Anonymous said...

STILL LOVE YOU LANCE! 1993 UCI WHERLD CYCLINGGGGG CHAMPION! WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE NORWAY!

Yarpo said...

Babble,

Nice new helment!

Um, and leg warmerators too!

I envision a trip to Qatar in your future. An Official Papal Visit perhaps...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I'm no grammatical expert or a mind reader but when you said:

"operating a bicycle with an even number of wheels on a numbered street"

Did you mean to say: "operating a bicycle with an even number of wheels on an odd numbered street"?

I'm with the King, Curling Rules!

CommieCanuck said...

I think I could really only understand that Taiwanese Ford video in a drunken stupor.
He's eating cats, his pants are gone, he has magically grown more hair, and he seem to be humping a beaver at parts. Charlie Brown is wearing a Charlie Sheen mask and they all get their crack at Tim Snortins. All in gorgeous 3D rendering.

WHAT THE FUCK.

To make things even more bizarre, the local Toronto AM radio station cancelled their radio show, but, SunTV, a local conservative shite TV channel, will now have a weekly TV show starring the Fords, which Hollywood is watching intently, as Fox TV is thinking if giving Robs a reality TV show.

WHAT THE FUCK.

We used to gloat about Rush Limbaugh not being up in America's reservoir tip, but we smart-bombed you guys with Ted Cruz (who we thought we had aborted) and now Robs Fords.

Sorry. Sorry, so sorry.

CommieCanuck said...

BTW, Toronto Police setup a bike theft sting in the 90s. They caught 21 people in 2 hours, and had to stop the sting because the bike got stolen, FROM THE COPS WHILE WATCHING IT. They announced they would not do it again because it was "too much paper work."


Frankly, with bikes now hitting over 19 thousand fucking dollars , I'm tempted to do some "shopping". How much of a fight can a DDS put up? What's he gonna do? Floss me? Put that little tube in my mouth until its really, really, dry?

JB said...

David: sounds like a hot-dog-down-a-hallway-type situation.

Babble: [standard U.S.-was-never-a-democracy comment]

Invisible Man said...

Astonishingly, I just saw a cop ticket a driver who had parked in the bike lane on Hudson Street in SoHo. I went and thanked her. She said, "Don't mention it."

I won't give her name or anything as her bosses would probably get her into trouble for facilitating cycling.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I had a long standing theory that Bikesnob is funnier when:
1. he is angry.
2. he is talking about bikes.

This post smashes that theory on the rocks. Although, he is whining about bike infrastructure and politics, not goofy bicycle set ups....

I liked riding bikes in the city when the messengers wore hockey armor.
xmen shithawk bootleg

McFly said...

I am telling you. The reason drivers do not get charged in NYC sidewalk maulings.
Too much paperwork.

Forearm Bar Codes are the future.

David said...

Invisible Man:

Was it a cop, or a traffic enforcement officer?

babble on said...

JB - yeah, sorry. It's Monday.

BamaPhred said...

Hail Babbles! I hope the new healmeant is not mitre shaped, would not work very well.

I mean, are these real NYPD beat cops giving out these tickets? Or just some tards in a blue suit with ticket writin athoritay? Not that it matters I guess. Lots easier prey than some goon with a metal pipe.

The Robs Fords video is hoot, still can't figure out that creature he is trying to hump. A beaver I get. Maybe they just aren't familiar with North American fauna.

Salty and Sore said...

Your cops come in 10 minutes?

LUCKEEEEE....

mikeweb said...

The good news is that eventually in 10 or 20 years all cars will drive themselves, so we won't have to worry about red light runnings and sidewalk amputations.

The bad news is when there is a 'bug' that results in deaths and amputations, the answer will still be 'no criminality suspected'.

Eventually we will have created our own version of 'Transformers', and the robot cars will see us for the fat, lazy and stupid pieces of shit that we are and just take over.

RBOT BICH

Anonymous said...

Is everyone tired of Rob Ford yet?

Dooder is completely unhinged.

Lol did Rob Ford just rush a counsellor?

mikeweb said...

Oh, and congrats to Babs!

With thighs like those, you were destined to be on top.

But I digress...

TheJjrjr125 said...

Well I can think of much worse things he could be doing. At least he's not bullshitting the entire world with a frigging fly on the wall, while he deprives us all of free energy, and pumps us all full of radiation like the real world government is doing. This guy is nobody, he's just another puppet playing out his role in the cast of this glamorized, & WAY overdramatized BULLSHIT, that don't add up to a hill of beans. For all we know this guy's probably getting paid to raise this smoke screen. Kinda makes you wonder what's really going on that they're trying to hide with this bs drama. Keep your eyes peeled, there is something that actually "is" serious going on that someone don't want us to see.

mikeweb said...

McFly,

When that day comes, I will insist that my bar code be on a different part of my anatomy.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Leroy,

I'd like to know your dog's take on the best method to eat pussy... i'm sure he has had quite enough of it before he met you.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Cars in 10 or 20 years.

ge said...

The NYPD receives 31% of its funding from the Hyundai Motor Corporation, so stop fighting the man and sign that lease agreement already.

CommieCanuck said...

Lol did Rob Ford just rush a counsellor?

Yes, but in his defence, he was likely stoned.

RoadQueen said...

CC - I thought his standard defense was drunkenness? So was he drunk? Or stoned? Or both???

IWishIWasScranus said...

Babble - C-C-C-Can I K-K-K-Kiss your P-P-P-Pink C-C-C-Canoe?

Robot filter text: singdnd 93. Shoulda been 69.

JLRB said...

OK - I hate to even post this, but a cyclist got hit in Brooklyn today, the drive fled the scene, and the first cunt who comments asks if the cyclist was wearing a helmet.

http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20131118/williamsburg/pedestrian-killed-hit-and-run-williamsburg-police-say

Anonymous said...

The Daily News has better piktors of the accident scene. No idea whether the rider was wearing a healment, but given that the crappy old 10 speed has:
-no brakes
-no bar tape
-no lights or reflectors
-kinda seems like it still has stem mounted shifters, which leads me to believe that it also freewheels.
http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/hit-run-driver-kills-man-brooklyn-article-1.1520778

I'm going to make an educated guess that the minimalist rider was not wearing a healment.

Freddy Murcks said...

Wow, that video was weird. I think my understanding of the Ford Saga has been diminished greatly.

And CC, any Fred/dentist/stock broker/hedge fund manager/CEO/rich asshole stupid enough to pay nearly $20,000 for a road bike deserves to have the damn thing stolen from them. They have already had their money stolen once. Stealing the bike just completes the circle.

Sincerely,
Freddy

18 ohlyea

EPOnymous said...

"criminal obstruction of breathing"

Wildcat Rock Machine is being a Debbie Downer.

the Jimboner said...

My weekend
Friday, pedal sweat swimmin hole pedal sweat beer.
Saturday, pedal sweat waterfall smash rock broken spoke fix pedal sweat beer beer.
Sunday, pedal sweat swimmin hole pedal sweat beer beer beer.

210k only 10k on the assphalt

Last 100k on a FiberFix spoke, I am sold!

McFly said...

Hey Babble way to subliminally infuse KKK into the podio celebration. For that you don't get kisses. You get a spanking.

NICE WURK

Anonymous said...

Podium spank!

babble on said...

MmmmmHmm. Fair enough. Of course, that`s EGGGZAKLY what I was up to.

Greedy girl, too, taking two steps,instead of just one. Make it hard.

Only... you`ll notice I DID stop after two, so maybe you`d better kiss my ass when you`re done.

McFly said...

Oh my mistake it's Monday. Babble is probably wearing those panties that say STIR TO DESIRED CONSISTENCY, DO NOT WHIP.

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy that the new york times is now a target in your invective. Great stuff - keep it up!

Anonymous said...

http://www.retronaut.com/2013/09/armoured-quadricycle/

vantage said...

eww
bite me kitty with robs fords and the number 69.

hardcoder said...

Loving the WorkCycles ads featuring Bret!

Anonymous said...

I've often been told to get OFF the f***ing road, but my best ever experience was riding on a shared cycle/footpath beside a busy two-lane road with no shoulder even if I did want to ride on it. A guy on a Japarley motorcycle rides slowly past me on the road and screams "get ON the f***ing road". He wants me to ride ON the road? I'm sure the whole lane of traffic I held up would love that. I chased him down, which was easy as the traffic was so slow and he headed for the police station for "protection" from me. Policeman outside listened to his side of the story, then told him to be on his way, then listened to me. I saw the guy a few times on other days after that and always gave him a (genuinely) friendly wave to which he always snarled in reply.

Ron Paul said...

Political comment!
The States are a Republic! Canadia IS a democracy!
The States are going to hell because they are acting as a Democracy!
Canadias' health care would collapse if it didn't border the US!
Cops won't leave you be when you're aren't breaking laws, if you don't shoot one once in a while!
The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants!
Nice legs Babs!
Robot filter says I'm a racist! Mracyct(kinda,sorta).

babble on said...

Jimboner - That's my kind of weekend!

Oh dear. Robba the Fords is now claiming he's found God.

RoadQueen said...

Wait....God lives in a crack pipe?

babble on said...

LOL!! :D

Well, they do say God is everywhere!

Anonymous said...

there is actually a decent article in Bicycling for once:

http://www.bicycling.com/senseless/index.html

About safety kippahs, traumatic brain injuries, road fatalities, and so on.

It is actually quite well researched and written. LEARNED SOME SHIT ABOUT SOME SHIT

P. Stable said...

London appears to be following New York's lead. The police response to six cyclists being killed on the capital's roads in less than two weeks was to... set up roadblocks and stop cyclists who were riding (legally) without helmets or high-viz jackets.

Island Boy said...

I used to hang out on the Just Kidding quite a bit. That 1st mate shaves her cat and her hubby will let you take her below deck as many times as you want as long as he can watch.

The Rob Ford for King of Canada Campaign said...

Babble, As a citizen of Canada Rob Ford is available to kiss and eat you.

Snarled, Indeed said...

Anom 1014 "he always snarled in reply." Love it.

The Wizard of Oz said...

Road Queen@1231: "Is New York really that disconnected and corrupt???"

You ain't in Kansas anymore.

Car 54 Where Are You said...

Anon 12:47 "Just waiting for the day when the NYPD will forgo the ticketing of cyclists and just start running them over."

I'm guessing you'll have to wait about 24 hours.

Eh said...

In a TODAY interview that aired Tuesday, embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted flaws, but blasted his critics and insisted he's fit to serve the city.

“I’m embarrassed,’’ Ford said. “Not just myself, my family, my friends, my supporters, the whole city. I take full responsibility for that. We've all made mistakes. I’m not perfect. Maybe you are, maybe other people are, (but) I've made mistakes. I admitted to my mistakes.”

You see what he did there kids? That's some textbook blame displacement.

JLRB said...

Anon 4:48

So the focus should be on: (1) the loss of a life; and (2) the fuckhead driver didn't stop. WTF

Anonymous said...

how to cyclists get ticketed? (administratively speaking)

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