Thursday, August 1, 2013

I'd like to register a complaint.

You know, I'm not one to complain.

Just kidding!


(The S.S. Just Kidding, embarking on yet another narcotics run.  Just kidding!)

No, I live to complain.  In fact, I can complain your face right off your skull.  If you handed me a million dollars I'd find a way to complain about it.  ("What is this, American money?  You couldn't at least pay me in Canadian?")  But you know what I like to complain about most of all?

People who complain.

See, there's no kind of complaining more satisfying than hypocritical complaining, since nothing's more annoying than people who do exactly what you would do in their position.  Consider my upcoming visit to Melbourne, Australia for the Melbourne Writers Festival:


I'm both honored and excited to be a part of this.  Not only that, but I'm proud of myself.  That's right, proud.  It seems like only yesterday I started this blog at work, and today here I am, unemployed because I was blogging at work and sitting on the couch in my underpants with three books under my belt (figuratively speaking--I'm not even wearing pants so how could I have books under my belt?) and an invitation to one of the top writers' festivals in the entire world (which is a distinction I just made up).

So am I breaking one arm patting myself on the back and using the other to give myself a congratulatory handjob?

You're goddamn right.

And do you know what I get in my moment of glory?  Do I get a "G'day mate, so glad yer gonna hump the koala [Australian slang for boarding a plane] and head down under for a visit to Earth's Scranus!"?  No I do not.  No, what I get is people complaining that you have to pay to attend the events.  "$40 to ride with you?  Do I at least get my scranus tickled with that?  You suck!"*  

*(So far, nobody has actually said this.)

Well, I don't know if you realize it, but Australia is far.  Really far.  In fact, it's about as far from my home as I can get without leaving the fucking planet.  Given this, do you know when I'd be visiting Australia if it wasn't for the Melbourne Writers Festival?

Never.  Never, ever, ever.

It's not like I don't want to see Australia--I most certainly do.  It's just that if I actually had the time and money to just fuck off to Australia on a whim, I'd have to be an idiot to actually do it when I could just stay home, ride my bike every day, and spend the airfare on booze.

But now, thanks to the Melbourne Writers Festival, I don't have to make the stupid decision to visit Australia since they're making it for me.  See, they didn't give me the option to stay home, ride my bike, and get drunk.  With them it's come to Australia and be in a festival or you get nothing.  Therefore, it's a no-brainer, and thanks to them I'll actually get to see Australia before I die.

So you're going to complain that they want to charge you a few bucks so they can make my dream of visiting Australia come true?*  You've got some goddamn nerve.

*Disclosure: visiting Australia is not, nor has it ever been, my dream.

Anyway, the point is that I'm really looking forward to this, I'm grateful to the Melbourne Writers Festival, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.

By the way, the same goes for people who complain about the ads on this blog.  "Oooh, they blink, I don't like it.  I need a special bike for riding on gravel.  Blah, blah, blah."  Do you understand these people give me money?  If you get one cheap (free) laugh a week off this blog then I say it's all worth it.  You shouldn't be asking me to remove them.  You should be humping the ads with gratitude--and I mean literally mashing your genitals on the screen.

That's what I'm doing right now.

MMMmmm....

Speaking of paying for things, if you don't want to come to one of my Melbourne thingies, then you can always spend the money on something useful, like a cardboard cutout of Mario Cipollini and Magnus Backstedt (forwarded by a reader):


I don't know if they're doing "bro hands" because they just scored some EPO, or because Cipollini tends to have tacky palms from servicing himself and others and they've been stuck this way since 2005.

Either way, if you do buy it, be sure to give your Cipollini regular treatments with this proprietary Bianchi olive oil rub:


Cipo needs olive oil like your Brooks needs Proofide.

Anyway, all you complainers need to "sack up"--with this Super Happy Seatpost-Mounted Fun Sac currently on the Kickstarter!



I like a good English "soft-sell" as much as anybody ("Please fund my bag if you would," he asked politely, and then adjourned to his study for some tea and sobbing), but I hope that road's not gravel because if it is he's out of his fucking mind riding on it without a dedicated gravel bike:


Holy shit, he's riding on plants now!!!


Please tell me someone's working on an ivy bike, because there's a giant leaf-shaped hole in my stable that only another absurdly specialized bicycle can fill.

Anyway, this reckless cyclist has invented a bag for having "lightweight, unencumbered adventures:"


Now, when I think of "lightweight, unencumbered adventures," I think of this:


But if stuffing a few things in a bag qualifies as an adventure for you, then this is your sack:


I was actually beginning to warm to this particular Kickstarter, but then the inventor abandoned his whole polite English soft-sell and started to get dirty:


("That's what Cipo said!")

Really dirty:


"It doesn't sway from side to side as you ride, or rub against your frame, legs or wheel."

Outrageous!  Is this a bag for unencumbered adventures, or is it some sort of Victorian device for securing yourself to your pant leg?

And then, this:


"It'll come in several colors too."

So will Cipollini after he easts gelato.

Speaking of complaining, yesterday I mentioned the New York Times Portland bike style video, and the commenters on Bike Portland are complaining that the piece did not do their vibrantly self-indulgent community justice:


Please.  The more I think about it, the more amazed I am that the Times managed to find four people in Portland who weren't wearing the standard uniform of a Nutcase helment and a dayglo Showers Pass jacket.

Lastly, elsewhere in the Times, I've finally checked out this interactive bike map of theirs, and I actually like it:


Ideally, every dot in Brooklyn would say "Please move to Portland already" when you click it, but other than that it seems like a useful resource.

126 comments:

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No comment!

ChamoisJuice said...

WHAT YEAR IS IT?
Ed Wonka's Freestyle Fixed Gear Takeover NYC

streepo said...

imperfect scranus.

RoadQueen said...

4th!

Udder said...

Regarding Bicycling Magazine and your column:

1) It is a terrible magazine, so the less you are in it, the better off you will be, long term

2) Your columns are so diluted (compared to your blog) that they are "off brand"

RoadQueen said...

Congrats on another top of the podio, RCT!

CJ and streepo, nice 2nd and third!

leroy said...

I complain therefore I am.

At least I think I am.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I hear you Wildcat. Those cheap buggers. Hell I even would have came off some green to hear you mumble when you came to Cleveland.

I'm at work right now so I have to keep my pants on or I would give the adds a big hump.

Anonymous said...

Check out the Bubble Wrap Bike:

Finally the bike for every road surfaces:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAOZqxoyLMQ

Anonymous said...

The blinking ads remind me that I'm alive...

Anonymous said...

If I'm already spending $1,500 to fly to Austrailia to see you, what's another $40?

McFly said...

Johnathon Ward sounds like the narrator from those Jorgen Leth cycling movies. All he needed was a high pitched squeal in the background.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I rode my grass bike yesterday. On Wednesday.

RoadQueen said...

Annoying blinking advertisements make me thirsty for an adult beverage.

Cup 1/2 full = Adult beverages are never bad.

Unless you get pulled over on your Red Flyer Inebriation-cycle.

Then you better hope someone is getting the ensuing "high speed" cop chase on video.

RoadQueen said...

Ass, Grass or Cash - Nobody Ride For Free.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Sacked.

ChainWhipped said...

I know exactly what the BikePortland commenters are talking about. Not one of the people from the NYT piece would make it through any of Portland's many Facial Hair Checkpoints.

Anonymous said...

Yeah Cleveland Yeah!

Comment deleted said...

Nope. Not going to complain about the BLINKY FUCKING ADS anymore Snob. I'm just going to block them. I'd gladly contribute a paltry quid if you'd promise to ban blinky ads. But you're not giving us that choice. So, AdBlock will do its magic, and we'll both be happy.

So, keep 'em. I'll block 'em. I'm sure that's exactly what your sponsors want.

I love this blog, and would be happy to support it in some way other than having my eyeballs seared while I'm trying to read it.

Mario's albino tadpole said...

Personal best at twenty...not bad since I live in Asia.

Cunts

mikeweb said...

I have to say the saddle bag looks pretty useful and well designed. I would consider ditching my rack/ pannier commuting combo for that.

Only after designing and building my crab grass bike. For riding on crab grass.

DB said...

I'm proud of you, Snob.
You and the BSNYC family make me laugh everyday.

Nice tits.

leroy said...

For the duration of the Melbourne Writers' Festival, my dog has graciously offered to ride free of charge with any Australian who finds himself or herself in the Brooklyn/Nyack vicinity without anyone to ride with.

All he asks in return is that he be properly supplied with espresso, donuts, and beer (in that order).

Also, attendance at an engaging information session about investing in his time share condominium project in Williamsburg might be required.

(That latter sounds iffy since he hasn't obtained the proper permits for his tree house in McCarren Park. But it is near a pool.)

Anonymous said...

No one really minds the $40 dollar fee or whatever, the point is Australians enjoy complaining possibly more than yourself and paying money for things is a national pastime as far as complaints go.
Oh and pack your helment.

Synonymous said...

Tits! Just Kidding

RB1 said...

Was hoping for sensitive, thoughtful Serotta obit.

babble on said...

Gidday, peeps!

Not that I'm complaining, but where the fuck is my dedicated ocean-crossing bike? I'll need to start now if I'm going to make it to Oz on time to see Snobbers at the writer's festival.

Euro Spondee said...

RB1 - you would need to take a look at Dentist Monthly if you want one of those

ChamoisJuice said...

Urban Biking: The Art of Carrying Things by Bike

Corgi is a woosie.

Zombie Woof said...

That $40 Australian is only $2 canadian dollars.

Anonymous said...

You don't need a dedicated ocean crossing bike babble, you can totally just use a regular old river crossing bike, it's no different.

Comment deleted said...

RoadQueen, you're getting so close to the podium, you just need a tiny bit more oomph.

Have you considered doping?


AntiRobot says: ageUsem

(young folks, too, apparently)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey bikesnob I see Closca Foldable Bike Helments nailed their Kickstarter goal. Maybe if you ask them they'll kit you up with a one off Crocodile Dundee special for your up coming trip.

RoadQueen said...

ChamoisJuice said...
Urban Biking: The Art of Carrying Things by Bike

OMG, I need to engineer a doggy basket like that for my pup!

He would probably have a look of terror on his poor face. He's not very adventurous.

Yeah, I need a trailer to make sure that all of his comfort needs are met. Basket now = not a good idea.

RoadQueen said...

CD - I know, seems I'm always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

I've been doping most of the week due to a minor back injury, but I think it's the wrong kind of doping...

Anonymous said...

Dedicated ocean crossing boat

C.H. said...

Apparently the saddlebag designer fellahas never heard of Carradice, Revelate Designs, Porcelain Rocket, Wildcat gear, Bikepack.eu or a bunch of others.

Anonymous said...

Australia is the United States of Oceania.

That's why I don't want to go there.

babble on said...

Mmmm... dirty. :)

Anonymous said...

Very sad

Anonymous said...

'serrootta lays off 40% of workforce'
...so, as mentioned, the 8-9 people are 40% of the workforce, soo....the train leaves Chicago at nooon,...Timmy gives Wendy 85 cents....

...
...
That's, like, 20 people when it cranking in the big ring.

ASIA JOBS

136 tudpess

babble on said...

Yeah, but does the river-crossing bike have pontoons? Hmmmm? Does it?

ChamoisJuice said...

Story time:

There a unbelievably smug Fred in my town. The traditional type of Fred: you know, wears khaki short shorts, rocks a chrome skate helment, rides utility bikes. Would alwayso come into the bike shop looking for Scott Mathauser brake pads.
Sir, those particular brake pads have been off the market for over 15 years, but the Kool Stop Salmons use similar rubber compound, $11. BLARG, SCOTT MATHAUSER BEST BRAKE PAD eVAR finned aluminum, they don't make shit like they used to, it's all disposable crap. Seriously would complain about brake pads on a bi-weekly basis, but never bought new brake pads?

Any way, he is always towing shit by bike. He has at least two trailers. I saw him towing a brand new refrigerator, no shit.

I always assumed he was one of those internal combustion is the devil retards. Come to find out Deadly Fredly is into restoring Datsuns! He's got two Z cars, 2 510s, and 3 pickups! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MOVE A REFRIDGERATOR WITH A BIKE WHEN YOU OWN THREE (3) PICK ME UP TRUCKS?!?!?

Bikes attract crazy people.

JB said...

Quit trying to make the bubble-wrap bike think happen!

DerZoots said...

Hey WTF my post no posted.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt


Oh well. Not worth saying again.

If a post gets lost in cyberspace and no-one sees it get lost is it still on a server?


Robot moat:35 ayarhoo

Anonymous said...

Of course it does babble

DB said...

NYT Thursday Styles section.
I see we aren't required to wear shirts in NYC anymore.

DB said...

Is this why you had the waxing appointment yesterday?

ChamoisJuice said...

Fuck the blinky ads, support Bikesnob by buying his book.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0811869989/ref=sr_1_1_olp?ie=UTF8&qid=1375375292&sr=8-1&keywords=bikesnob&condition=used
If they throw in free shipping, I might buy one.

There's a saying:
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

Clearly, BSNYC is trying to move beyond the "kill some time a work laughing at douchnozzles on bikes" brand of entertainment, and toward some greater, more important message about family and enjoying the little things. BOOOORRRRRRIINNGG. Dood, you have a gift. You are really good at making fun of bikes and people on bikes. OWN THAT!

saeed ahmed thanvi said...

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McFly said...

I agree totally saeed. It is awkward to say someone you are doing.

crosspalms said...

DerZoots,
Yes, the NSA's got it.

And hey, that $40 is Australian money, we've all probably got that under the couch cushions.

What I think is cool about Snob going to Austrohellyeah is that it's a writers conference. Not a BRA in a bike shop, or a book signing someplace, but a festival where they invite writers. Not only that, did they ask Junot Diaz to lead a bike ride? They did not. Did they ask Boris "Boris Bike" Johnson to lead a bike ride? They did not. (Actually, for all I know, they didn't ask Snob, either, he just slipped that into the program as a means of scrounging some Down Under dollars.)

As for the blinky ads, I don't mind. They give me a good excuse for faking a seizure and leaving work early. At least I think I've been faking them.

Anonymous said...

REDT EXTS

Anonymous said...

@ CJ 12:28,

The answer, sir is in the name: Datsuns.
Having owned a few myself, I would go with the bike trailer. Maybe he did start with the Datsun, but when it stopped working he unloaded the load onto his bike trailer. I always had a bike with me, like an escape pod. Best vehickles evver made, cept for my saabs.

SCOT MATT

3G said...

YOU CAN STUFF YOUR SORRYS IN A SACK MISTER!

Angie Kritenbrink said...

Saeed hits the nail on the head every time.

wle said...

oh wait

for a minute i thought BS was going to ''austria''

never mind!
wle

Anonymous said...

:-D

DB said...

Where are Frilly and Nina?

Matt said...

A chum of mine has a set of those finned (& curved) Mathausers still in their original packaging. I tried to get them off him for my 1975 Motebecane Grand Record restoration but he figgers to sell them on eBay for millions.

mikeweb said...

Austria is just like Australia except nobody named Al lives there.

I've been perusing some of the better known online bikecycle retailers and so far haven't been able to find anything as good as the Bridge St. branded fun sack.

A little help?

robot trap = 'tandmitt'. Sounds like a reality series where a recently defeated presidential candidate goes into the medical marijuana business.

Jimboner said...

In Brasil a cobblestone bike is called uma bicicleta de paralelepípedos.

Anonymous said...

According to Bike Radar (I haven't read the story yet), Serotta are set to stop building bikes.

What will the dentists do?

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

I like the saddle bag, I may just have to bounce a quid off that low-emoting limey's noggin.

Anonymous said...

Wildcat, I would recommend you read the great Nobel prize winning Aussie writer Patrick Whites book Voss on your flight, so you don't show up like a total American rube with no knowledge of Australian literature. It's a good read about a man's ill fated trip into the Australian outback, so it could be somewhat apropos of your journey Congrats by the way, sounds like an awesome gig.

Jan! said...

Amazing discovery: "unencumbered" is a perfect anagram of "recumbent" if you write your t's as "dune" — which every sane person in dunehis world does.

As for the ads: I really like how custom (dare I say: bespoke?) they are, so keep them up. Because of their appropriateness, they really work, too: I have already bought Knog lights and the Brooks Cambium saddle because of them.

What's the exchange rate for cheap laughs vs. advertising revenue? You may even owe me money.

[Side question: why do almost none of my comments make it through? Am I really that spammy in Google's/your opinion?]

BikeSnobNYC said...

Jan!,

Sorry your comments disappeared! I just checked and G-ogle seems to relegate comments as "spam" a little too liberally. Apologies to anyone else who has had that problem...and apologies for the fact I'm too lazy to ever check.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

ge said...

Here's to staycations (hic)

McFly said...

You are the odd combo of complainy and apologetic? That's a rariety Wildcat.

Anonymous said...

Enjoy Oz! Don't chunder too much.

Oh, and you need to learn Strine, e.g., --

Egg nishna is no a kind of Indian food.

Egg nishna is the device you turn on to make a hot room cool down.

d28 said...

Here is a link you'll enjoy. Its the story of cars crashing through storefronts:

http://www.theatlanticcities.com/commute/2013/08/hidden-epidemic-storefront-crashes/6384/

Anonymous said...

Once in Oz your most of the way to track paradise.... http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g255111-d1956917-r157568955-Redwoods_Whakarewarewa_Forest-Rotorua_Rotorua_District_North_Island.html
Pop over the ditch for some dirty fun and some slippery roots.

ChamoisJuice said...

Anon 1:51:
"...don't show up like a total American rube with no knowledge of Australian literature. It's a good read about a man's ill fated trip into the Australian outback, so it could be somewhat apropos of your journey"

Do you read this blog regularly? Bikesnob has seen Young Einstein at least twice, he's got it on lock.
Throw in Crocodile Dundee and Waltzing Matilda, you've got all you need to know.

I actually have a lot of experience with Aussies.
1. I ride mountain bike for real, in the shred the face off some rocks sense, not in the "I ride a gravel bike with too narrow flat bars and a boner stem" like bike snob sense, so I have been to Whistler many times. Half the population of Australia lives in Whistler.

2. Holidays in Thailand = smash Aussie poon. Aussie girls on vaca = considerably easier than adjusting cantilever brakes.

I like Aussies, because they are an ethnicity that talks funny that you can make fun of and no one gets butt hurt! Fairly awesome that you can make fun of a groups silly mannerisms without people thinking you want to round them up and exterminate them.

Anyways, if BSNYC would like to take this trip as an oppourtunity to sample some gentile strange that hasn't been blown out by a fat headed kid,

1. tell them they are the cutest kiwi ever.
2. challenge them to arm wrestling, and let them win.
3. Ask if you can put your Joey in their pouch.

Dooth said...

Wildcat, you like good English soft sell!?
Don't touch me, please. I can not stand the way you tease,

crosspalms said...

Babble,
Here's another option for your trip.

Is it time for a robot sandwich? Yes, it's 9 oBread

P. Bateman said...

"It'll come in several colors too."

So will Cipollini after he easts gelato.

finally laughed out loud. i guess the ads are indeed worth it. and hell, they felt kind of warm...

will you bring back that one ad with the hot chick in the sort of see through shirt? she was hot.

oh, and thank you very little Snobber - i've keep inviting you to melbourne FL and you go off to f'in australia. i hope you encounter a kangaroo (just watch the last minute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChM-EQmReCs)

babble on said...

WOOOOT! My bags are packed and I'm on my way! Look out. I'll be in Hawaii this time next week.

Anonymous said...

What a snob...complaining about someone else futting the bill to you foff off in Awstrawyeehah. I hope a kangaroo boxes your pants yabbies.

Enjoy the trip. Oz is a nice clean place filled with lots of white people and absolutely no aboriginals. They were shipped off to East London where they ply their trades as hipsters on single speeds now.

ChamoisJuice said...

Aussie cultural high water marks:

word:
Jim Jeffries Brothel Story

music

Can't be arsed to complain said...


DerZoots & Jan

Hey WTF my post no posted.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt

Seriously, I was on the third step of the podium yesterday, and then that disappeared when the page reloaded.
I can always blame CJ since he was the one to benefit, but then I thought, does it rally matter in the grand scheme of things?
And yes Snob, read Voss.

Whingeing Pom said...

"I like Aussies, because they are an ethnicity that talks funny that you can make fun of and no one gets butt hurt!"
CJ, have you ever met an Aussie rules footballer? You would not make fun of one of those without ending in small pieces on the floor. Embattled underdog syndrome etc

ChamoisJuice said...

Oh Jeez. Not that ol' white kid delusion: Oh, Lacrosse / rugby / aussie rules football is SOO badass. Toughest manliest sport ever.

Why don't you let any poor people or minorities play??? Like fencing, an upper class exclusive sport, that let's pampered kids pretend they're tough.

Anonymous said...

Leroy I am travelling from earths scranus to your neck of the woods next week. Tell your dog to meet me at the prospect park bandshell Saturday night. Ill bring all the espresso donuts and beer he can handle

Bisso

wishiwasmerckx said...

My advice is to get some vegemite now so you do not gag on it when served the same by your gracious host. It is quite off-putting to the uninitiated, I assure you.

NYCeWheels said...

Always a pleasure Bike Snob NYC. Congratulations on the belt and the three books, will have to check them out. The books anyway. NYC does have some of the best complainers out there, here's a highlight from our week. After an hour of busting our balls about obscure specs and out of production models: "You know why I'm not going to buy an e-bike from you? For the same reason Germany lost world war two, because you can't send a boy to do a man's job."

ChamoisJuice said...

Some Aussie cyclists:

Sam Hill
Changed the game in mountain bike racing. Champery and Val Di Sole World Champs are poetry in motion.

Corey Bohan Dominates x games, revered for his powerful style on the bike, bones hollywood it girls.

Nathan Rennie
Half bear half man, known for blowing tires off rims cornering.

Chris Kovarik
DH Legend, won Fort William by 14 secs, largest margin in world cup history. Lost his passport for making a habit of glassing chumps in bar fights.

And then you got Cadel Evans?!?!

Grammar Nazi said...

You got through the entire day without anyone calling you out for writing Cippolini "easts" gelato?

crosspalms said...

NYCeWheels,
That guy is so out to lunch. Of course you can send a boy to do a man's job. Look at Rand Paul.

ge said...

Hey NYCeWheels, you know why I'm not going to buy an ebike from you? Er, because I live in a different country on the other side of the continent. YEAH! THAT'S WHY! Well, that and I'm not in the market, unless it's an eGravel bike. Then, maybe. Still, I like to ogle the folding bikes on your site, like the dork I am.

Poppa Wheelie said...

There was no "I'll be away until x"
notice in today's post.
That time / date zone calculation must be way too crazy to figure out.
I can't say I blame you.

Australia!

Anonymous said...

pegboard hangs in the garage
gravel bike outline in fresh paint
empty pegs mock me

Anonymous said...

AFL,Fencing.....Really?

balls™ said...

I wasn't going to complain, I really wasn't, but...

GET YOUR SKANKY BALLS OFF MY FUCKING LAPTOP!!!!

No, really. You'll enjoy Melbourne. People are friendly and the coffee is great.

Tell them you want to get in on a game of footie while you're there. I think it's more like soccer than rugby, or was that getting your ass kicked?

Anonymous said...

I don't want to complain either, but what else am I going to do?

Anonymous said...

balls™, every place has good coffee compared to the US, but the best Oz coffee is to be found in Sydney where all the Italians settled.

And please understand, you stupid foreigners, that "Aussie Rules" is a ridiculous and effeminate game. It originated in Melbourne and remains popular only there. It's the only claim to fame Melburnians have and they cling onto it for grim death because there's nothing else to enliven their dreary pointless existence.

Which is why they can charge $40 to be led on a bike ride (on public streets) by Snobby. This is like the most glamorous exciting thing that could ever happen to them; that's how pathetic they are.

Any other place, and patrons would quite rightly expect to be serviced orally by Snobby during the ride for that price.

Isaac Roberts said...

Hey Eben,

If you're looking for a light weight snack to pack for your rides, you should check out our squares!

33, 44, and 49 grams per square. Very light weight, and we both know the food you pack is all the weight when you cycle. Quit wasting all your money on carbon fiber frames and eat more Ananda Squares!

You Hippie.

http://kck.st/17BWaQg

-Isaac

ce said...

CJ, regarding Aussie Rules, get some more Wikipedia up ya

Anon 8:00, Fair suck of the sav!

Grump said...

Snobby, stop complaining.
My cycling mentor raced in the 53 games in Melbourne and had to take a boat (mostly because airplanes hadn't been invented yet). What's even worse, they had to row....
.
At least you get to fly.

BamaPhred said...

Complain and whine? Why, that's my specialty, thank you. It was good to see old favorites Just Kidding, Cipo, and Recumbabe drop in for a visit. Almost thought they had gone the way of Vito the Helper Monkey. Now for the obligatory whine and complain, are you going to post whilst on the worlds scranus?

Comment deleted said...

Cth!

McFly said...

I didn't hump the ads but I did rub my penis on the Just Kidding GILF and then it went from flaccid to semi-chubby. Unfortunately it brushed up against the old dude and it lost all interest. I moved it back over to her and BOOM......chubby. I knew I wasn't gay.

crosspalms said...

Aussie rules? If you need rules, you're not playing a manly sport. And I should know: I'm Stanley Manly (or Stan the Man Manly), and I run Manly Sports. We don't sell equipment for sports hampered by rules, we sell mainly manly weapons -- unregistered pistols, bats, machetes, trebuchets, lances, pikes ... the list is endless. Well, almost. You want a manly sport? This is America, dammit! Put down that stupid TT bike and pick up a blunderbuss. Now run through the woods and blast away!

Anonymous said...

Ha!

Anonymous said...

If you want to read book which provides insight into contemporary Australian life - Bliss rather than Voss is what you should read on the plane - it takes about 3 days to fly to Australia which will give you plenty of time and through the magic of timezones you'll still arrive before you left.

Anonymous said...

Whats not to love about the land down under? Originally populated with prisoners.... Just like the US, but the US also had the religious zealots.

And come on, the NYT's Portland thing was funny. Sooo not Portland, its a freaking ZZ Top fan club convention round here all the time.

Gotta go and pull a snack of artisan Cheeze wizz from my beard for a little snack.

Nacnud said...

Here in Australia, the ads are upside down.
Enjoy your trip to Melbourne WRM.
And CJ @ 4:39 PM, sometimes you are so full of shit...

What's a lertedM 4?

Nacnud said...

As for Australian culture, we don't need no stinking culture...

Jase said...

Chamois juice, I stood idly by while you criticised the jews and the whole damn commenting community, but criticise Aussie Rules? Go fuck a spud you total numpty. Cameron Ling would crush your dumb neck.
Snob, look forward to a ride when you are here in Melburn. Bring your helmet. The writers festival coincides with drop bear season.

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McFly said...

They got some pretty good jokes over on the Velonews kids. I just read one that said Chris Horner likes his chances for overall GC at the Tour of Spain. lolz

ge said...

Hey duncaN (I'm hoping that reads Nacnud down unda), "sometimes"?

ChamoisJuice said...

Nacnud said...
And CJ @ 4:39 PM, sometimes you are so full of shit...

Anonymous 7:17 said...
AFL,Fencing.....Really?

Not really. I strive for accuracy, and will admit when I am in error. Fencers are nothing like rugby/aussie rules football players. Fencers are kinda D&D nerds. Ruggers are private school jocks.

I stand by the statement that lacrosse, rugby, and aussie rules football players are birds of the same feather.

I will admit that I don't know that much about australian rules football and rugby. They are sports not unlike cycling: followed only by participants.

Here's what I do know about the sport:
-you are prohibited from throwing like a boy.
-you are required to wear short shorts and knee socks

Anon 8:00, thank you for sharing your insights.
What's the difference between rugby and Australian football?
I'm an American and we don't have either one usually.

Rugby is much tougher and far more physical than Aussie Rules which has very athletic but lighter framed players running, kicking and passing a ball around an oval field to kick a goal between uprights at the other end, they even get a point for missing which is called a "behind".

Jase said...
Chamois juice, I stood idly by while you criticised the jews and the whole damn commenting community, but criticise Aussie Rules? Go fuck a spud you total numpty. Cameron Ling would crush your dumb neck.


Link text
This guy?!?! is the most badass AFL player? SRSLY?!?!

How tough can a sport really be, if it's not as tough as Rugby, which is played at the highest level by small, pretentious colleges?

I mean, the sports most feared tough guy is French!
Sebastien Chabal

balls™ said...

Why do I get the feeling that the Sydney vs. Melbourne rivalry is something like Springfield vs. Shelbyville, fought cricket bats?

ChamoisJuice said...

ucked up the link
Cameron Ling l

Redheads and kinda like asians. Their women are fetishized for their beauty.... the men, not so much.

Anonymous said...

Somebody's a little over the top here...

ChamoisJuice said...

John McPhee had a very amusing piece in the New Yorker recently about the rising popularity of lacrosse, it's spread west, and it's move out of the private school exclusivity.

Apparantly priveleged kids are not taking well to getting their asses kicked by minorities.

Ce: regarding aborigines:
Have you read Guns, Germs, & Steel? It won that same award Dot Rabinowitz got.
Anyways, half the book is about how aborigines ended up as the least successful ethnicity in the whole world because they had the poor luck to live in Oceania.

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NYCeWheels said...

Crosspalms, right you are, right you are. - jack

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