Wednesday, July 3, 2013

This Just In: In-Duh-Pendence Day in the USA, Suckers!


("God."  Oh, man, that's hilarious.  The Lobster I worship can kick "God's" ass.)

So tomorrow is the Fourth of July, or July 4th, or Independence Day, or "American Bastille Day," or whatever you want to call it, and it would behoove all of us on this day to take a short break from blowing shit up and grilling meats to reflect on what this great country of ours is all about.  I don't mean what it's literally about, which is celebrating how we won the Civil War against Canada.  I mean what it's symbolically about.  You know, like, our philosophy on shit:



I don't know about you, but I cried actual tears of pride there towards the end.

Of course, with the holiday upon us (unless you're a godless foreigner) I'll be "fucking off" for a bit, though I will return on Monday, July 8th, 2013, USA!!! with regular updates.

In the meantime, during my "off-fucking," I hope to find the time to engage in some bicycle cycle riding.  I probably won't watch the Touring of France, though.  Sure, I used to follow the sport of professional European bicycle-cycling pretty closely.  However, at this point I'm pretty much burnt out on it, mostly because it's just a constant drug scandal with some occasional racing going on in the background.  Also, if you've seen one Tour de France you've pretty much seen them all.  The guy in the green jersey is usually a douchebag who gives off a "rapey" vibe.  Bradley Wiggins is just Carlos Sastre with a hipper wardrobe.  At some point, Mario Cipollini's going to stop by naked.  We get it.

So while the rest of the cycling world is looking for the best live feed, I prefer to remain at a safe remove from the race, since at this point in my life I'm really only interested when there's a controversy or a mishap.  Bus gets stuck at the finish line?  Interested!  Sylvain Chavanel has a bike that matches his Camaro?  So very not interested. 

Therefore, I find the best way to follow the race is to just scan Twitter while I'm on the toilet and see what's bubbling up.  (Bubbling up on Twitter, that is, not in the toilet.)  And it would appear that the latest controversy is that the Tour commissaires or commissaries or commodes or whatever they're called made American Ted King go bye-bye for finishing outside the time limit.

See, every Tour needs a rider who presses bravely on while injured, which is what Ted King was doing.  Indeed, martyrs are as integral to the Tour de France as cocky sprinters or naked Cipos.  And of course Ted King is an American, which meant cycling fans all over Canada's goiter were sporting great big throbbing Fred boners for him.  So predictably, they're outraged, since now that he's out of the race they've got a collective case of Fredly blue balls:


The UCI race jury and ASO, the owner of the Tour de France, need to recognize that decisions they made on Saturday in Bastia directly caused King’s injury. It was their decision to wave the Orica-GreenEdge bus driver through the finish line after the gantry had been lowered. It was their decision to change the finish line to the 3km to go line, and then change it again, at the last minute, after the bus had been moved off course. Several riders, including Mark Cavendish, have cited the back-and-forth confusion so late in the race, while teams set up for a field sprint, as the cause of the crash.

Now, King is suffering twice from those mistakes; first, due to injury, and second, due to insult.

Eliminating King, in a time when the sport desperately seeks credibility, sends the wrong message to cycling fans. In an era when the Tour de France asks its competitors to perform as humans, and nothing more, it, too, should must show some humanity of its own.

I genuinely feel for Ted King, who has worked hard and sacrificed and blah blah blah to finally ride in the Tour, but I'm not sure I can get behind this argument.  Firstly, cycling's credibility problems go way, way, way beyond not handing some poor guy seven seconds because he fell down.  Saying the Tour could redeem itself by letting Ted King stay in the race because he's a swell guy is like saying Jerry Sandusky could redeem himself by buying one of his victims a Happy Meal.  Secondly, I thought a three-week event in which outcomes are decided by tiny bits of time was what created all the drama in the race.  Isn't crushing defeat part of sport?  In 1989, Greg LeMond won the Tour de France by eight seconds, in perhaps the biggest American Fred boner-raising moment in the history of cyclesport.  So, what, they should have given the win to Laurent Fignon anyway?  Because, hey, it's only eight seconds, and Fignon should have had one of those funny helments too so it's not fair, and who wants to see a French guy in a ponytail cry?

I don't think so.

I guess I sort of see the argument that a decision made by the organizers may have been responsible for the crash in which he was injured, but at the same time this is Europe!  In the summer!  That's what hot Europeans do!  They fuck up!  Really, the entire Tour de France is just a series of bad decisions and shitty organization--it's as much a part of the race as bad pavement or road furniture or a shirtless Cipo.

Also, it's worth considering that discouraging riders from staying in the race when they're unable to ride within the time limit is actually good for the sport's credibility, partially because it's dangerous, and partially because this guy:


Remember how he attributed his miraculous ride that year to some Danish guy named Ole and his magical bandage-wrapping technique?

That was awesome.

In any case, I sincerely wish Ted King a speedy recovery, and it totally sucks, but I can assure him that there will be other Tours, as ridiculous as the idea of continuing to organize future Tours de France may be.  Also, here's a poll if you'd like to share your opinion:


Is cabbage delicious?
Hey, I never said the poll was going to have anything to do with the whole Ted King debacle, did I?

In more dispiriting news, a cyclist in Brooklyn was recently pelted from above with groceries:



The latest attack on the Ashland Pl. strip happened Friday at 1:30 a.m. as Park Slope computer programmer Stephen Arthur, 45, pedaled by University Towers — and was nearly pummeled by a storm of falling pantry products.

“All of a sudden an object flew by my face. I was like, ‘Holy cow,’” said Arthur, who was hit in the head by a brick while riding down the same lane in 2011.

“A nine-ounce container was thrown at me.”

Bottles of Hellmann’s mayo, Welch’s jelly, Kraft ranch dressing along with a box of Barilla spaghetti almost stuck him, too.

And yes, this very same cyclist was also struck by a brick two years ago in nearly the same location:


Wow.  Really, I'm of two minds here.  Half of my tiny brain thinks that we cannot let the craven actions of others force us to change our lives or to live in fear.  However, the other half thinks, "Fuck, if that were me I'd never ride on Ashland Place again."  In fact, when I lived in Brooklyn I used to ride on this street pretty regularly, and while I continued to use it after hearing about the brick incident, I did make a point of riding "serpentine" whenever I did.  Also, I made sure never to wear a kippah that looks kind of like a target:


Instead, I wore a camouflage one so they wouldn't be able to see me:

I'm not religious or anything, it just keeps the sun off my bald spot.

And with that, I wish you a happy July 4th holiday, even if you're not American, in which case God help you, and I look forward to seeing you again on Monday, July 8th.

I love you,


--Wildcat Rock Machine



135 comments:

theEel said...

weDNeSdAY!

JB said...

Woot!

ChamoisJuice said...

HAPP Y4TH

Lob's Snack Helper said...

Hello all! Today I am Lonely Lob's helper, here to shower you with MSG joy snacks! Be well, my friends, be well!

Anonymous said...

TOOP TEEN

Anonymous said...

top ten

Dingbat said...

nobody else likes cabbage?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

douchetastic!

Anonymous said...

Boobies

Kenneth Trueman said...

Top 10, bitches !

mikeweb said...

"Lob Bless Uh-merica"

Anonymous said...

did getting hit with food from above also make his glasses go all askew?

Make it rain said...

Sounds like they were trying to put some condiments on a cracker.

Just saying...

BamaPhred said...

Enjoy the off-fucking, and an obligatory "Scranus"

I'll have "itunems 6", bitte

Anonymous said...

Do bald Jewish men have to wear the kippah skullcap?
Because isn't it that Jewish men have to keep their hair covered?
So if they don't have any hair on their head, they don't have to wear it, right?

-Yes

Well, while I'm sure many people dismiss this question as stupid the moment they see it- the question actually isn't as ridiculous as it sounds. It is Jewish law that no Jewish male is permitted to walk more than around four steps without his head uncovered in order that he should not to forget that there is something higher than him. The kippah only differs from a Met hat in the sense that it serves to fulfill the other law of distinguishing oneself as a Jew from the rest of the world (not to be confused with self aggrandizement). Here's why the question isn't stupid. There is an opinion in the Talmud that one should not have to cover their head when indoors- as ones head is already being covered by the building's roof. However, we do not rule in accord with this opinion. We know that the law to cover ones head does not imply before outer space or from any entity thereof as our heads would always be covered from the sky in that case and the law would consequently be superfluous. That essentially leaves the remaining potential coverings as clouds, buildings, trees, small artificial coverings directly above ones head, and our hair. Our skin above the skull obviously does not serve as a cover as everyone has skin above the skull and the law to cover ones hair would consequently be superfluous. To your proposal- being that the law does not specify bald people, we assume that it is referring to both men with and without hair-as the law does not refer to a minority or a non-total majority without first specifying so.

While I'm not sure about this part, I heard from a Rabbi that in ancient times when the Rabbinic court lacked the legal authority (The Bible does not allow them to) to prosecute a conspicuously known murderer such as someone who trains dogs to kill people (cannot legally prosecute if murder was indirect)- they so too would indirectly kill him by throwing him in this oval shaped ditch and feed him with barley and water that would slowly expand in his stomach (consequently killing him) if he eat any more than the bare minimum to survive. This process technically allowed for the possibility of survival. This ditch- was known as a "keepah".

This guy who killed people with dogs was pretty intelligent- he was so smart, simple logic told him he found a legal way to murder other human beings. The kippah therefor lyes directly above this logic, which rests in the head of man, as a reminder; pure logic has it's limits. "Things" do exist beyond your logic- that does'nt mean they're in anyway illogical. Women do not have to wear the kippah as they are less prone to this type of thinking.
Source(s):
http://www.lidsforyids.com/yarmulke_history.htm

RANTWICK said...

Hey all you 'mericans, enjoy the 4th. Do most people have to work on Friday? Is it one of those book-off if you can situations?

le Correcteur said...

top twenty itiegin 195

wishiwasmerckx said...

I fancied Andre Griepel in the sprint today because I thought he had an aerodynamic advantage on account of the fact that he was apparently born without lips.

Gleeat 4703. Always buy your meat at a gleeat butcher.

Anonymous said...

relidgin? is that that thing they do where people wear funny hats? as an atheist vegetarian, my american bastille day goes thusly:

-wake up fuzzy headed from pre-gamin' the holiday.
-get a bucket of ice, cheese, and beverages together
-find some water to sit in, river, lake, puddle outside carwash, etc.

afetr that the sky is the limit. also, be sure to yell "show me your boobies" and "do a poppa-wheelie" every once in awhile.

crosspalms said...

It's been chilly and rainy in Chicago for days, supposed to be the same tomorrow. Hope the rest of you have better weather for the Fourth and the subsequent off-fucking. Ride safe, all, and thanks for all the typing, Snob!

Anonymous said...

Workcycles ad had dude kitted in yellow with a child seat. On his 50lb bike. I thought that was stupid until I saw he was cargoing Lobsters. Now it makes sense!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:23pm,

Yes, it's Bret in the WorkCycles ad, that's the joke.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Marcel Da Chump said...

Happy off-fuck of July.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks to that really ahhsome rock band from America's toupee we even have a song celebrating when we threw off the yoke of rogue oppression bestowed upon us by our evil overlords.

"Bastille Day"

There's no bread, let them eat cake
There's no end to what they'll take
Flaunt the fruits of noble birth
Wash the salt into the earth

But they're marching to Bastille Day
La guillotine will claim her bloody prize
Free the dungeons of the innocent
The king will kneel and let his kingdom rise

Bloodstained velvet, dirty lace
Naked fear on every face
See them bow their heads to die
As we would bow as they rode by

And we're marching to Bastille Day
La guillotine will claim her bloody prize
Sing, oh choirs of cacophony
The king has kneeled, to let his kingdom rise

Lessons taught but never learned
All around us anger burns
Guide the future by the past
Long ago the mould was cast

For they marched up to Bastille Day
La guillotine claimed her bloody prize
Hear the echoes of the centuries
Power isn't all that money buys

Roille Figners said...

A Camaro? Only someone who spends more time on a bike would drive that shit!

Best 4th of July thing ever: 2003, the local pirate radio station played "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back" in its entirety and then just went the fuck off the air. BADASS.

Roille Figners said...

[insofar as a radio station can be badass]

Anonymous said...

Bitchin' Camaro

ETF said...

Wow, someone owns the Tour de France. I thought France owned the Tour de France.

Anonymous said...

Eagles always look angry. Probably all the pressure from representing freedom.

RoadQueen said...

Am I the only one that's sad that Lob's Helper missed to podio by a cunt-hair?

Happy Wednesday people! I'm one of those annoying co-worker's that requested this Friday off MONTHS ago so that I could fuck-off for 4 days straight!

HAHA, suckers!

McFly said...

BITHCHIN CAMARO! BITCHIN CAMARO! HEY MAN WHERE YA HEADED?

Fritz said...

"Riding Serpentine"

Roflmao

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

When it's raining this weekend and the display of detonating high explosives is cancelled entertain yourself with these Rare Vintage Beach Photos

pic #4 is a good one.

CommieCanuck said...

something something...discouraging riders from staying in the race when they're unable to ride within the time limit is actually good for the sport's credibility

Bike racing and credibility...LOL..good one Snob, whew..wipes tears.

CABB BAGE

Anonymous said...

http://travel.yahoo.com/ideas/america-s-snobbiest-cities-202446217.html

Does this mean San Francisco is more douchy than New York AND Portland? YAY!! GO SF

CommieCanuck said...

Congrats 'muricah from freeing yourselves of the King George's oppression. Imagine what America would be like today if the British still ruled your shit: high quality, low cost education, universal health care and better health, no guns for the retarded, mandatory fish and chips, cheap beer, mass use of the word "cunt", the BBC, proper spelling of words, ...in short, awful.

wishiwasmerckx said...

5,000 people in skinny panties? That must have been quite a sight for you, Brokeback Mountain man.

King George III said...

Oh, fuck you guys, if I wasn't batshit crazy after that carnal evening with Dorothy Rabinowitcz, I'd still be taxing your teabags.

CommieCanuck said...

RCT..stop staring at my grandma. Perv.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Commie: Warm beer, bad teeth, worse haircuts and wasting your life away fucking off in a pub.

What's not to love?

G-d save the Queen!

JB said...

If not for 1776, do you think we would have felt like kicking the shut out of Yurp a couple of times? The English would be speaking German. LOL. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! Lob Bless America, motha-fvckers!!!! Where's my Bud Light?

BikeSnobNYC said...

JB,

Had we still been a British colony then I have no doubt Canada would have thwarted the Nazis by administering a stern talking-to.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

Bicycling The Magazine's(tm)article "67 Reasons to Watch the Tour De France" was not compelling enough to get you to tune in WCRM? They could have said 69 Reasons and included Peta Todd's breasts.

Just an idea.

I'm not married to it.

Anonymous said...

July 4th in NYC just ain't what it used to be, post Guiliani...

Remember kids firing bottle rockets at you as you rode home down St. Nick in the afternoon? The pungent gunpowdery haze that hung over Avenue B all day? Man...

Cheap and easily available fireworks came in very handy other times during the year as well.

Like when those kids were drinking downstairs on your stoop all night. Or when that designer bitch dumped you as soon as her braces came off. But not before confiding to you that her old hound peed uncontrollably in the apartment whenever she heard a firecracker go off. Heh, heh...

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

oh my god i love that mutha fuckin' serpentine bit

leroy said...

My dog asures me that just because the TdeF treated Mr. King unfairly, he will not reciprocate with some meaningless anti-Gallic gesture like renaming a saturated food product Freedom Fries.

He will instead take the high road.

He and his buddies have tickets for tomorrow's performance of the hit Broadway musical "Les Miserables."

They plan to wish the producers continued success by chanting "Hugo stay, Hugo stay, Hugo stay."

You can imagine their relief that they no longer have to worry that "Cats" might be the "now and forever musical."

Happy Katy Perry "Firework" tribute day all!

P. Bateman said...

so, anyone got a good link for a live feed they are using to watch the Tour?

by the way, here is a 4th july joke for you:

What did one flag say to the other?

Nothing, it just waved.
BAM! HA!

Cipo said...

I was born on the fourth of July, not that Tom Cruise guy, doesn't that make me an honorary American?

Anonymous said...

Commie Canuck, isn't Canada still part of the British Empire anyway? Oh that's right, who gives a fuck, because it's Canada. You guys were passed around between Franch and England like a drunk girl at a frat party. Mexico laughs at you guys.

CommieCanuck said...

Warm beer, bad teeth, worse haircuts and wasting your life away fucking off in a pub.

Not to mention: the entire country seems to love the out-of-office reply.
" I shant be able to respond to the electronic mail as I and the missus are on Bank vacation in North Thruppenceshire from late April until early April".

CommieCanuck said...

Anonymous 2:35pm.

Keep trying, one day, you too will succeed.

Fixed it for you.

The bIg Bang was on the 4th said...

Had some damn fine firecrackers for the 4th of July, but the NSA came and took them away. Why did I tell my B-I-L in California that in an em. Why oh why. The two Blues Brothers who took the 4th away said I had to appear before some secret court, wouldn't tell me where, they said I would be hooded and driven there. I said "how about a summons", they burst into laughter and said, "Here, in America, in 2013, good luck with that". They said they were going to take my dog in for questioning too. Once that would have seemed strange, but not in America in 2013. Dog seems non-pussed about it all, cool.
Does Canada have their own NSA? Must have, Barry sez everyone spies on everyone else. Kind of like Spy-Versus-Spy in Mad Magazine.

Anonymous said...

CC, typo, meant France obviously. but you get the point or perhaps not. Anyway, don't you have a job or something?

Dooth said...

A guy who rides a horse in tight jeans making fun of cyclists in tight shorts...ok.

RoadQueen said...

Tight jeans on a horse...

*sigh*

It's going to be a long weekend. :(

Roille Figners said...

Look man I mean rules are rules. Did Ted King make the cutoff or not? He did not. Go ahead and complain if he gets disqualified EVEN THOUGH he made the cutoff. That WOULD be bullshit.

Arguably this is one of the things that rule is FOR, to keep idiots who should be in the hospital or laid up at home, out of the goddamn race. They did him a favor.

People who Try Real Hard and are My Brave Little Man get a gold star for sure. And if additionally they succeed in getting in before the cutoff, they get to stay in the race. What?

Fritz said...

if the Brooklyn Serpentine rider thinks being pelted with groceries is bad he should try riding with the
Psycho Falcon...

Anonymous said...

Congratulations USA!

It's your birthday!

Thanks for letting us lick your butthole.

Your friend,
Stephen Harper

ChamoisJuice said...

Fritz:
regarding racing birds...
http://theteamrobot.blogspot.com/2013/06/gee-atherton-is-dead-to-me.html
Gee has also appeared in Playgirl...
I would not kick his sister out of bed...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Roille, you are obviously a noob.

The time cut-off is not an absolute rule. It has been waived a number of times under a wide variety of circumstances over the years.

In the Hinault era, stage winners would sometimes be so far ahead of the "auotbus" that strict enforcement of the rule would have eliminated most of the field.

Dee Dee said...

Hitting a skunk in front of bicyclists...is exactly why I don't live in Tennnessee anymore

Anonymous said...

wiwm, how much do you weigh?

the Commentariat said...

Dating 101: NEVER ask a woman how much she weighs.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Everyone is on fire today in the comments section, must be the holiday fever. RCT - love the old-timey pictures, but methinks they are actually early triathletes practicing the swimming section in those fetching onesies.

Euro Spondee said...

Of course one great difference between the UK and the US is that here it is illegal to have fireworks, because they are dangerous, but not guns. I somehow think that it is more rational to have this the other way around.
I just checked back to last year's comments on this day to see if I had already made the same point, but the comments section was just filled with Bradley's cunts. Happy days. And you can find it yourselves, I can't be buggared to do the link.

Anonymous said...

Can someone tell me where to find the Workcycles "Bret" advert referenced by Anonymous 1:23pm/BikeSnobNYC 1:25pm? I have tried using a popular internet search engine but to no avail...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5;20pm,

In the right margin of this very blog!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

ETF said...

British or not, we would have come to England's aid during WWII. And Canada was there too. We have that kind of relationship. Coming to France's aid (twice). I sometimes wonder about that except without France the U.S. would still be a British Colony. Anyway as a result France helped us stop being British and we, along with the Brits, Canadians, and others are responsible for the continued running of the Tour de France.

ChamoisJuice said...

I feel obligated to point out that Canada joined the allies several years before the USA did....

Also the last time Canada and USA fought was the war of 1812, when they marched down to D.C. and burned down the white house.

Canada never fought for independence. They asked nicely. Canadians enjoy the benefits of being part of the Commonwealth: colored money with the queen on it, ability to work in England, Australia, etc.

Canadians really get on my nerves.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, you realty are a button-pusher.

The War of 1812 was fought between the US and Great Britain, not the US and Canada.

It was a British force that burned the White House, not a Canadian one.

There were a few skirmishes around the Canadian border, I'll allow, but that does not change the fundamental nature of the conflict.

You insist on commenting on a vast array of subjects about which you know dick.

wishiwasmerckx said...

By the way, I am sure that Old Hickory Jackson would be quite surprised to learn that his crushing defeat of the opposition in the Battle of New Orleans was over the Canadians, not the British.

Even in those days, apparently the Canadians were already snowbirds.

Roille Figners said...

WIWM - Noob would be a term for someone who recently started giving a shit about something. Not applicable here.

ETF said...

C.J. Hate to tell you this, but the Canadians asked for independence because the U.S. became independent and they asked nicely and Britain accepted because neither one wanted a repeat of the Revolutionary War, even though each side knew the Canadians were not capable of such a repeat, but the Canadians did stage rebellions in "Upper" and Lower" Canada(that's roughly Ontario and Quebec for those of you who didn't pay attention in history class) which made everyone a little nervous. And the Canadians didn't achieve complete independence because there were some in Canada who felt the U.S. might try to invade Canada again in which case Canada could not defend itself by itself and for the same reason Quebec only talks about independence but doesn't achieve it: sucking on the mother countries cash laden tit.

ken e. said...

snork, comment gold.

GATE KYPR
GIDY UP!!

(you could spell that geddy if you so choose)

ChamoisJuice said...

On June 18, 1812, the United States declared war on Great Britain and its British North American colonies in what is known today as Central and Eastern Canada. It took the combined efforts of English and French-speaking Canadian militias, Aboriginal Canadians and British military forces to succeed in defeating the American invasion over the course of more than three years.

O RLY?

If I had computer skillz I would combine THIS IMAGE THIS IMAGE and
THIS GIF

ChamoisJuice said...

I should say, I only know so much about Canada, because I lived there and had to hear about:
-guns
-obesity
-the war of 1812
EVERYGODDAMNDAY! eh?

I was an illegal immigrant up dere. I forget what the canucks call that, they have an equivalent word for wetback that refers to murican border jumpers... something about hippies and vietnam.. stupid head injuries...

I fucked a Canadian chick, and absorbed some of her powers through my penis, which is why I am so fuckin' polite.

I'd tell you how I got so good at bargaining, but I think you'd get mad.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Yes, I acknowledged that there were some skirmishes on the Canadian border, but the burning of the White House, the Battle of New Orleans and the Battle of Baltimore (about which Francis Scott Key wrote our National Anthem) had nothing whatsoever to do with Canada, your incorrect protestations to the contrary notwithstanding.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oh, and by the way, there was not a Canada as we know it today until like 1840, right Mr. Canadian history?

Anonymous said...

CJ & WIWM --

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

hohpwer 37 (In my dreams).

ETF said...

C.J. The Canadians brag about the war of 1812 because through it they can feel superior to their American cousins even though they didn't actually fight this war, the Brits did. You see Canadians are generally pacifistic, but proud none the less, and they struggle with American bravado. But despite all that, the U.S. and Canada share the longest undefended border in the world and have never been to war against each other. And that is something to be proud of. And to incorporate this into a bicycling blog, Americans and Canadians ride bicycles back and forth across the border on a daily basis even though border crossing bicycle infrastructure isn't always the best. But that is another story.

ETF said...

Gazillions of Canadians are in the U.S. to see the 4th of July celebrations because they appreciate a good party. Nuff said!Happy 4th

Anonymous said...

Don't tax me Bro!

Lateforclass said...

Is this a cycling blog or a history lesson?

Fritz said...

Hold it I can answer that...it is
an Argument Clinic

Anonymous said...

Snobby may be an American, and therefore inherently inferior to Canadians and other of us godless foreigners, but he has mastered the art of extracting a four day weekend from awkwardly positioned holidays.

Well played, sir.

Postman said...

Canada Post has issued a Laura Secord (War of 1812) stamp. Looking forward to licking it.

babble on said...

It's not hard to extract a four day weekend out of life when your whole life is one looooooooooong weekend, izzit?

I was off-fucking bicycle cycling allllll day long, and THAT'S the way, UH-HUH UH-HUH I like it!

ChamoisJuice said...

War of 1812 - The Fight for Canada

....
Many Americans may have forgotten the War of 1812, but its lasting legacy is arguably “The Star-Spangled Banner.” A lawyer in Baltimore, Francis Scott Key was also a gifted poet who penned “The Defense of Fort McHenry” after he witnessed the fort’s 24-hour bombardment from aboard a British troopship.
....
Canadian War of 1812 song

Nacnud said...

Bike Snob NYC @ 5:22 PM
This blog has ads?
Well, fuck me!

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Top crowdsourcing sites said...

Inflated may be an American, and in this manner intrinsically mediocre to Canadians and other of us pagan nonnatives, however he has beaten the craft of concentrating a four day weekend from gracelessly positioned occasions.

CommieCanuck said...

It was a British force that burned the White House, not a Canadian one.

Well, if you want to get accurate, the British did not have enough troops in Canada when a poorly organized group of thugs thought they could invade Canada. They relied heavily on the native tribes warriors -the actual Canadians. Our right-wing retard US butt-lickers like to re-write history that Canada "won" the war of 1812, but it was nothing but a bunch of little squirmishes with defeats on both sides, and nothing lost or gained, just a bunch of people dead , like most wars.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Quote of the day courtesy of Bob Roll:

"And nobody is in the breakaway!"

ken e. said...

"it looks like quite a battle for best comment of the day already, bob!"

CommieCanuck said...

Someone needs to test nobody's pee.

This is the first time forever that I cannot muster up any interest in the TDF.

Comment deleted said...

Commie Canuck is clearly a historian at that university of his'n (American for "his"). Most accurate description of the land war of 1812 I've heard.

Now, the ocean war is a bit more interesting...but with the same result. Dead bodies and status quo antebellum.

DB said...

What a great city!
Made the taxi driver at LGA roll his eyes when we said we wanted to go to Astoria.
Went to Coney Island, had a Nathan's, saw Joey Chestnut set a new record, did Chinatown, sangria in Little Italy, dropped some cash in Union Square and headed for Pier 81 tonight for Katy Perry and Usher fireworks. Thank Lob for unlimited subway cards.
Happy 4th.

CommieCanuck said...

We did successfully go to war with Spain in 1998 over the turbot.

Don't fuck with out turbots.

Harper is trying to militarize Canada, sponsoring misinformation about 1812, re-naming the air force "Royal", wanting to spend untold billions on F35 jets, and talking about defending a huge chunk of lifeless ice from enemies or sasquatch or something fucked up. Wanker. He's at 30% approval and dropping like a stone.

The Rook said...

Wait, you make light of god, yet worship a lobster? And Canadiac chicks are great!True story. I ran a hot dog stand in the Chi-ca-go in the 80's and a Canuck cutie gave me head in exchange for a Chicago dog. GOOD head. Like there's bad head, but just sayin'.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

100

Anonymous said...

Harold: "Well, contact the Canadian Air Force!"

Red: "It's after 6, he went home!"

Anonymous said...


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McFly said...

If I still drank I would do a shot when I hear attentive and schmoke a berwl when I hear impetus. I WILL BE 40 tomorrow. Everyone please drink for me. A lot. The black dog of depression has been humping my leg all week and rubbing his nut sack on the top of my foot and its getting real old.

The Rook said...

McFly- I turned 40, 17 years ago. Keep pedaling. It works for me! Also, staying in shape allows me to attract 40 year old "girls". Life is too short to track time!

JB said...

ChamoisJuice said..."I feel obligated to point out that Canada joined the allies several years before the USA did...."

I don't know if this is true, but it must have been like when my Aunt offers to help me move: moral support.

babble on said...

Really? Do you really think that? Cause I know you guys get all patriotic about your remarkable contribution to world peace 'n all, but maybe you should do a little research and look at the facts for yourself.

Canadians were in there hard and fast and early on. We paid heavily for WWII, it's true.

Just sayin.

the Commentariat said...

Babs, your are such a charmer that I hesitate to unload on you, but you are suffering from the same Canada-centric thinking that has ChamoisJuice thinking that the northern border skirmishes defined the war of 1812.

I certainly do not mean to impugn Canada's contribution to the allied war effort, but the plain fact is that the Canadians had about a million troops in WW II, whereas the Americans had about 16 million.

mikeweb said...

Happy birthday to McFly!

Seems like a great excuse to ride a bike and do some foraging.

leroy said...

Oh great. Now my dog has an excuse to keep drinking.

Oh well, Happy Birthday McFly!

i'm not looking forward to another day of canine karaoke tributes to Katy Perry.

Make 'em go oh, oh, oh indeed.

JB said...

Babble, I was just making stupid comments on a day-old blog from a top 20 bicycle blogger. I have no idea what Canada did or didn't do in WWII or any war.

It was July 4th; we're supposed to* fire pot shots over the nearest border to see what happens. Mexico didn't notice, so watch out Canada.

*We all got an email from Joint Chiefs of Staff.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BamaPhred said...

Congrats McFly. 40 is a milestone, may you live long and prosper.

CommieCanuck said...

Canadiac chicks are great!True story. I ran a hot dog stand in the Chi-ca-go in the 80's and a Canuck cutie gave me head in exchange for a Chicago dog. GOOD head.

We also have the most convincing transsexuals.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Quote of the day: Phil Liggett:

"And Cereal Gautier is bridging across to Bakelants"

The Rook said...

@CommieCanuck - Her 5 o'clock shadow kinda threw me,but I figured it was a Canadiac thing.

DB said...

What a great city part deux:
Great fireworks, walked 42nd street back to subway with one million friends.
Today was the Tenement Museum, Moving Image Museum in Queens, Greenwich Village and back to Astoria for dinner at Vestas.
Question: what is it with this town and straws? I don't need a straw with my water or soft drink.

leroy said...

DB -- Complimentary pea shooter with your beverage.

At least that's what my dog says.

Comment deleted said...

I think if the Canadians seceded from the United States, we would be much the poorer nation.*

Just like if we lost the Canadian members of this commentariat. Pry 'em out of my cold dead fingers...

DB said...

Thanks,Leroy:
Looked for you at the fireworks, no luck. Think I saw your dog with Katy Perry on a NYFD fireboat.

babble on said...

Ah fuck. I don't know anything about the war, really, I wasn't there. I was educated in a Catholic school and Canadian university, and it is more than possible that the version of history we were given was a spin on the truth. Both church and government here have a tendency to do that.

I'm just here for the fireworks. :)

Jasper SIXsix6 said...

LOLZ in the AM here in I-duh-ho: Wifey #1 used the technical term "cunt hair" to describe just how close it looked like that guy on the bike came to running into the guardrail whilst hungoverly watching that race in Yurp. You gotta love a woman that says "cunt hair" - but not in reference to needing to shave her bush nor scranus...

babble on said...

All the off-fucking and bicycle cycling have curtailed my commenting time, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

And sometimes she's gotta get it while it's hot!

babble on said...

Jasper... yes, yes you do.

Yarpo said...

Happy Birthday, McFly! A Rum Toast to you and your Cannondale, as soon as I find a clean glass around here...sure, I could guzzle straight from the bottle, but it's your birthday fer chras' sake!

Salud! (glug)

wishiwasmerckx said...

When it comes to finishing in yellow in Paris, I like Chris Froome.

When it comes to holding back raging floodwaters, I like Lawrence Ten Dam.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Woke up this morning to find my car coated in ash from the wildfire.

Perhaps I'll try that Palmer's Cocoa Butter on it...

wishiwasmerckx said...

I have seen people taking potshots at Phil Liggett for a while now. I used to think that they were undeserved. I now think he's losing it.

A few days ago, there was a crash, and plainly visible in the road were 2 musette bags. Doesn't take a genius to deconstruct what happened, but Phil babbled on for a few minutes about other causes.

He regularly mis-identifies riders despite their race numbers being in plain sight.

Today, he mistook the summit banner for the one kilometer to go banner, a hard mistake to make on account of then red kite and all.

He comments on a few seconds discrepancy between the TV and the race computer as if it was a matter of significance.

I fear that dear old grandpa Phil is slipping off into his dotage.

CommieCanuck said...

WIWM...let Phil have his fun, watching people ride bikes in spandex isn't exactly interesting, so having a giggle at some guy going off his nut is the only reason to watch.

Besides, in the next two weeks, they will be dancing on the pedals, and someone will have to open their suitcase of courage. I, on the other hand, will be left with my fanny-pack of disgruntlement.

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wishiwasmerckx said...

In terms of sheerness, looks like the Team Sky jerseys were designed by Lululemon. Thank goodness for bibshort straps or we would have been treated to a Chris Froome nip slip.

If we are to have any nipplage around here, I would prefer that it emanate from the Vancouver area, if you know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

57 Short Films about Bicycles.

Yarpo said...

The Big question is whether or not Gatis Smukulis will bust into the Top 100 in the Tour. Or will his domestique duties for Dani and Joaquim take precedence? I will ponder this, and my post-McFly-Birthday Rum Hangover on the slow-slow-slow pedaling commute to work today.

Yeah, fuckin' workin' on a Sunday. Wearing my helment to protect me from crashing airliners, exploding oil trains, and the other daily hazards of cycling cycle corn-muting.

Oh yeah, Congrats to theEel on your Stage Win here at the Tour de Meh!

McFly said...

I got the one thing for my bday I really wanted. It's Raining Outside Tent Sex. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

DB said: "Today was the Tenement Museum"

Ha, ha! I've been there. Interesting museum.

I liked the little dioramas.

They also had a desiccated mouse on display and instead of labelling it as a mouse it said something like: "here is an example of the type of rodent commonly found in tenements in this area".