Friday, July 19, 2013

BSNYC Friday No Fun Quiz Because It's Too Damn Hot And If I'm Not Having Fun Then Why The Hell Should You!?!

It's hot:


Yeah, I know, you live in Texas/Arizona/Nevada/Death Valley/Satan's Scranus and 94 degrees is nothing to you.  Well, save it.  This is the most important city in Canada's Prince Albert piercing and our lives are very complicated, so you've got to add at least 15 degrees to any heatwave to understand the actual level of discomfort we're experiencing.

Anyway, here's a stock photo of someone trying to find relief from the heat by doing something extremely pornographic:


Looks like she's giving someone a "Rubbee:"


(Richard Branson receiving a Rubbee and enjoying its smooth roller action.)

"Fantastic" indeed.

Speaking of yesterday's post, the Eternal Helment Debate is finally at an end, having been put to rest once and for all by a commenter:

Anonymous said...

I believe that people who wear helmets are more than likely to use condoms in their personal live. Like condoms helmets protect the user to a point from potential injury ({mostly NON-}/reversible STIs or unwanted pregnancy[former]). What risk you future health it you live to have a clean STI FREE NO BABY FUTURE...

Hey I guess it all comes around when your out of the gene pool that works out great. Don't wear a helmet but wear a condom while giving & receiving head(I call it head for all sexes),anal,CUNT because we need a lot use of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 19, 2013 at 4:36 AM

And there you have it.

Always wear a condom, or else you'll catch an STI:

(A shot of Penicillin should clear that right up.)

As for the debate as to whether or not Tour de France leader Chris "Froomunda Cheese" Froome is on the doping or not, Jonathan Vaughters has the last word on that subject as well:


VN: Do you want to know yes or no?

JV: Of course. But I don’t think that the definitive answer to that comes out for a while … With time, all truth is revealed. But like I said, my hope and belief — put it to you this way. If you put a gun to my head and say, is Chris Froome clean or is Chris Froome not? You get it wrong and the bullet goes off, right? My expectation would be that I would hear “click” and the bullet wouldn’t go off. But would I be f—ing wincing beforehand? Yes.

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what he meant by any of that, but apparently it was some heavy shit.

To him.

I do like Vaughters's new look though.  The sideburns were way too '90s.  He'd fit right in in the New Brooklyn now--if the mockingbirds don't drive him out, that is:

(Via Leroy's dog.)

Yes, gentrification-averse mockingbirds are apparently doing their best to drive out the new arrivals who are jacking up their rents and replacing their neighborhood birdseed joints with artisanal mayo boutiques:

Also last week, Pacifico Silano, an artist from Williamsburg, was sunbathing with a friend at the park (officially known as WNYC Transmitter Park because it was built on the former site of WNYC’s radio towers) when a frantic woman with two small dogs approached.

“She was like, ‘Be careful. There’s this bird hanging out over there and it’s attacking me,’” said Mr. Silano, 27. “I was like, ‘Are we really having this conversation?’”

I can't wait for the remake of "The Birds," set amid the wishy-washy self-absorption of the New Brooklyn, because, like, you know, the drama?

"So like this bird?  It's attacking me?"

"Like, really?  Like, a bird?"

"Yeah?  It's got a really sharp beak?  And claws?"

"Seriously?  Are we really having this conversation?"

And so forth until a bunch of mockingbirds peck their eyes out.

By the way, I realize he's an artist from Williamsburg, but what kind of asshole responds to a warning of impending physical harm with, "Are we really having this conversation?"

"Help!  There's a naked man running around the park with an axe!"

"Are we really having this conversation?"

Then, as the life oozes from his split skull:

"Please tell me that axe was a Best Made."

"Are we really even having this conversation?," the killer will reply.

Meanwhile, as birds attack Brooklynites, across the river in Manhattan humans are attacking Citi Bike stations:


Why?  Because, like, Citibank?  It's a bank?  And banks are bad?


"NO CITIGROUP AT ALL IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!," says the note.  Seriously?  Are we really having this conversation?  It's SoHo!  I bet at least half the douchebags in that neighborhood have mortgages with CitiGroup, yet this person smashes the bike kiosk.  Anyway, good job picking the softest possible target in your war against capitalism.  It's like being upset at BP for the Gulf oil spill and smashing the candy rack in your local gas station.

Speaking of a kid in a candy store, check out this burglar browsing an entire garage full of crabon:



Here he is admiring one of those bikes like they have in the Tour de France with the curved handlebars and the shifters combined with the break leavers:


By the way, congratulations to the Bellevue, WA police department for failing to catch the thief even though the homeowners were watching the burglary on a smartphone in real time--though at least they got a shot of the culprit:


It should be an easy case to crack, because that's obviously Dave Stoller from "Breaking Away:"


Lastly, Fat Cyclists wants me to know you can win a stupendously Fredly Trek dreamcycle by entering his latest contest:


I like when Trek does custom paint.  It's kinda like when the Bar Mitzvah band says, "Fuck It," stops playing "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang, and launches into an extended version of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."

Then you'll get some crabon to put on it:


Along with some more crabon:

At which point the bike goes from Bar Mitzvah band doing "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" to Slayer doing "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"--or just a Bar Mitzvah band doing Slayer, or possibly a Bar Mitzvah boy doing Queen.

Well, it's like something, anyway.

It's too hot to figure out what.

169 comments:

ChamoisJuice said...

boomshakalaka

ChamoisJuice said...

B(oYo)BIES

ChamoisJuice said...

8=====D

BikeSnobNYC said...

ChamoisJuice,

Fuck off.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

DannyRay said...

It's super cool in Austin this year... Barely hitting 90 and it's awesome?
Oh yeah, fuck off, ChamoisJuice.

Comment deleted said...

"Bellevue Police".

"Yes, there's a burglary in progress, and the thief is on camera in the home right now."

"Are we really having this conversation?"

Anonymous said...

happy friday! Dog Day Afternoon was a great movie. so was Breaking Away.

RoadQueen said...

Wow, CJ jizzed all over the podium again.

That's a whole lot of cleaner to take care of that mess...

Anonymous said...

Top ten Cleveland Yeah!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

10...

Comment deleted said...

It'll hit 100 today here near Scranusmento, but we don't mind. As we always tell each other "It's a dry fucking heat."

BamaPhred said...

Scranus. Podium blocked. Shoulda armed the brifters. I'm glad the heat is somewhere else, although it sucks for you for sure.

Anonymous said...

Really? A Top Teen? My life is now complete.

crosspalms said...

Just because I can type ulyviga 837 doesn't mean I'm not a robot. Robots can type at any temperature.

babble on said...

Friiiiiiiiiidayyyyyyyyyy! Hooray! Sun's out? Yep. Heat wave? Sure, it's a perfect 23 degrees (that's room temp in murikan) out there - AGAIN!! Sup for the day? Oh, nothing much. Just another fredly morning and beachy-keen afternoon.

Natch. I am such a slacker.

Fuck I laughed hard yesterday, snobbers.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Are we really not having a Friday Fun Quiz?

P. Bateman said...

you know where its not very hot? melbourne Florida. 89 degrees, no humidity, nice constant 5mph ocean breeze and the woman are tan and skinny.

Snobber, you need to come on down for a book thingy bike ride.

all your "peoples" are here anyway - nothing but NYC/Jersey tribe members as far as the eye can see. which is pretty far as its rather flat here and kind of great for cyleen.

Anonymous said...

It's not that the burgler left the goods behind, he just could not carry 73 pounds of Stumptown coffee and 8 Best Made axes.

Comment deleted said...

I'll tell you what's brutal, it's that overnight low of 79. No wonder GnuYawkahs are such grouchy pricks.

Between sticky sheets and Amber Alerts that go off at four in the morning, I completely understand the "GetDaFuckOuttaHeah" attitude.

babble on said...

Hmmm... what to do for my summer vacation... what to do....

I KNOW!! Why don't we all go on a supercalifredilisticexpensivexpedition??!?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

they should put that burglar in the hall of shame... WTF, he stares at race chariots, then takes off on foot?

Roille Figners said...

Holy shit I got to the end of reading this and realized I could've had top of the podio.

I can remember 104º temps just right there up in the NUTMEG y'all, not far away. But every year a whole new generation of babies grows up and has to be educated about life and how it has hot temperatures in it and shit.

This is not to say there's no global warming and we're not all fucked, because there is and we are. HAVE A NICE WEEKEND!

babble on said...

LOL!! Good point, Grouch. Probably best we just remove him from the gene pool.

Anonymous said...

Bar Mitzvah band doing Mungojerry,s "In the summertime" would have gone better with stock heat relief photo. Coulda podiumed but circled back for another look at that

Serial Retrogrouch said...

here's how you calculate actual nyc temps:

actual degree
+
15ºF for being special
+
15ºF for being more humid than a TDF rider's scranus
+
5ºF of doucheliness
+
10ºF for island heat effect

that makes today's temp = 139ºF
or 210º canadian
or like 12Ω∂§ celsius

ChamoisJuice said...

I am fucking off??

The Ring of Fire: Sex After Childbirth
Gain self-esteem and find your pre-pregnancy sexual self again

Anonymous said...

it is fascinating how inept the cops are. burglary in progress, and the guy gets away. next time install an app-actuated RICIN dispenser.

Buffalo Bill said...

CJ? Like, please fuck off? Thanks?

Anonymous said...

It was very lucky that the company that makes those cameras got what would be hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of free advertising just because that lady wanted to watch her dogs while she was away...Hang on a minute, if the camera is in the garage to watch the dogs, and the thief is in the garage to thief things, how did they not meet?
Viral marketing anyone?

Roille Figners said...

Are we really having this conversation? I dunno, check your smartphone, maybe it says on there.

That thing will

esslavu (blurry-ass number)

Not quite the same.

Comment deleted said...

Nice blog, Babs. As always, food for thought and candy for the eyes. When is your beautiful country going to wake from its conserva-coma? (As if we can complain here in Canada's bible-chastity belt).

escreded 11350 -- Yes, yes it was.

leroy said...

Okay, I have to admit, the Bar Mitvah boy doing Queen was freaking funny.

But then again, this morning when no one was looking, I slipped into an aero tuck on a Citi Bike coming down the Manhattan Bridge and couldn't stop laughing at how silly that was.

Might be the heat.

Ride cool all!

(And watch out for wildlife. My dog reminds me that some days you flip the bird, other days the bird flips you.)

Roille Figners said...

IN SOVIET RUSSIA BIRD FLIP YOU

McFly said...

FRIDAY FACIAL FOTO!

Why must you incorrige me? I am incorrigible.


371 SEEDDRIZ

Seriously.

jayteepee said...

What? No Friday fun quiz? You mean I took the day off for naught? And now I'm relegated to watching Tour day France reruns? Fuck that?

Oh, and would you and CJ once and for all end this thinly veiled homo-erotic love fest and whip them out to see who's the bigger man?

And can we start a hottly contested debate on the merits of clinchers versus tubeless?

Anonymous said...

Today's weather conditions are perfect for Chamois Juice and Santorum to get together for a nice scranus smoothie.

Flyover Bike commuter said...

Here in the "high" desert it's a balmy 58 degrees, I don't know what that would be up in the America's unctuous pompadour.

Anonymous said...

I think is was the "pee on the citi-bikes" guy who smashed the kiosk. Seriously. Or maybe a deranged mocking bird.

ChamoisJuiceIsAFookinIdiot said...

That asci dick (i.e., 8=====D) in CJ's third comment is probably the biggest dick he has ever seen. Since the acsi dick is at least visible to the naked eye, it is certainly bigger than his own micropenis.

Freddy Murcks said...

Babble - do you ever wear bike appropriate footwear? I can't imagine riding a bike in heels (I can't imagine wearing heels period, but that's a different discussion for a different day.).

trehine 10

Anonymous said...

Vaughters looks like you now, Snob.

ChamoisJuice said...

wishiwasmerckxisafookinidiot:

Herschel the Magnificent Jew

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I THINK I hate Jorel (ha! his name is fucking Jorel!)
I KNOW I hate his parents.

Anonymous said...

I echo Anon at 1:36pm. Looks like you. Must be the heat.

Anonymous said...

Comment Deleted: new yorkers are not actually all grouchy bastards. In fact we live longer than most because life here, in the center of the universe, is so fucking awesome.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/19/nyregion/prosper-and-live-long-health-minded-manhattan-leads-in-increased-lifespan.html?ref=nyregion&_r=1&

dana said...

It's too damn hot. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FloEiMonAA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

In the douche's defense, he probably only thought "are we really having this conversation?" in his head. But if he actually said it, forget what I said. He's king douche.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Well, it was 114 F on my drive home yesterday, or 45.5 C.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Didi Senft has been looking resplendent in yellow this year.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Today's quote of the day comes courtesy of Paul Sherwin:

"We're not telling porkie pies today."

Etherhuffer said...

Wow. The Bellevue PD didn't put 4 warning shots in the guy's back? Must be huffin what I am.

d2 said...

High of 76 today in Bellingham. That's an hour south of Vancouver BC, on the off chance you were wondering. Perfect. But just a few more degrees and we'll all be bitching about the heat like we lived in NYC.

Anonymous said...

Im literally in Portland right now

wishiwasmerckx said...

And finally, for your Friday viewing pleasure, i present you with OricaGreenedge rocking out to ac/dc:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAl1-mBhFpU

Watch for the cameo by Eddy Merckx, and you're welcome...

Oh, and CJ, fuck off.

Roille Figners said...

dana - Hard to tell... all he says is that he "was like" that question. Doesn't say whether he used his mouth or only his brain to be like it. Now if he had been ALL the question (I was all 'Are we having this conversation or is reality just a dream I am manufacturing that goes away when I close my eyes just like Descartes or whoever-it-was, said?'" then we'd know it was both brain AND mouth.

Personally as an east coast douche now living on the passive-aggressive west coast, I miss the directness and clarity of New-York-style communications. Although the only thing I know about that, is how it USED to be. From recent reports it sounds like the new NYC is gunning to like, out-Portland Portland?

What did the dyslexic say about his 90s-era CD collection?


3 ngurge

Dooth said...

We really are having this blog!

(s) city bike SCAM said...

I did my first ride on a city bike last night.
I had to go from downtown manhattan to brooklyn.
Day rental, $10. It usually takes 20min with my bike.

First thing, the process to rent the bike is VERY misleading.

I am renting the bike for the day, but the display makes you aware of the 30min limit only when the deal is closed.

Such a SCAM.
Same scam banks use to charge late fees. Engineered scam. And none of the ###$#$ politician or @#$@#$ journalist has anything to say.

I wonder how many people and tourists are getting ripped off... But that was the original plan.

However...

I had to pretty much race all the way home. With a normal bike, and I mean any bike, it would take about 20 min. with a (s)city bike? 30 min on the clock. barely made it. I knew not to expect much from those rental bikes, but it is much worst... much much worst.

3 Gears that are very close. Higher gear is so low that you can not pedal at the minimal downhill.
Besides the fact my bike gears were skipping.

I always been annoyed by those people you see going 100% full blast on those blue bikes,
But now I know why. BECAUSE IN 30MIN YOU CAN'T GET ANYWHERE.
and for those with 1 year membership... 45 min does not get anywhere either.

normal bike in 30 min = (s)city bike 40+ min.

afterall what you expect. a bike share program affiliated (or owned) by a bank? LATE FEES!

However they are not going to last long, and I am surprised how all the crummy journalist miss to report the scam.
I guess kissing a bank butt is what is normal these days, right Bike Snob?


RoadQueen said...

WOW....(s) city bike SCAM just did the blogging equivalent of walking into someone's house who is an acquaintance of a friend, and pissing on the loveseat.

*Off to find some popcorn*

4583 Hrkagme

*munch munch munch*

BamaPhred said...

Not to Rubbee it in, but the forecast in the Southeast's scranus is highs in the upper 80s and lows in the lower 70s. By this time of the the year we usually have given up and spend the day huddled around the nearest AC. I'll take it as long as it lasts. However, the first day of football practice is a little over two weeks away. Then the 100 degree days without end will commence. Never fails.

ChamoisJuice said...

Ahahahahah, this is amazing on many levels.....

The "Fat Jew' Gives Bike Exercise Classes On Parked Citi-Bikes Hila

RoadQueen said...

CJ I have to hand it to you...

That Citi Bike spinning class really was fucking hilarious!

Yarpo said...

Foggy during the morning corn-mute, will be foggy during the afternoon corn-mute home. Wearing a Freddish windbreaker both ways cuz' it's kinda cold.

What's all this crap about it being hot out???

Pour some Porn Water over your head if it's so damn hot! Look alluring while you're at it.

Nee-ner-nee-ner-nee-ner and pedal, pedal, pedal.

106 Dahsoc...maybe a Hot Carl reference, I don't know...

BikeSnobNYC said...

(s) city bike SCAM,

You didn't know there was a 30 minute limit? Have you not read the FAQ on the Citi Bike site or any of the eleventy billion articles that have been written about it to date? Did it not occur to you that a 40lb bike share bike might be slightly slower than your own on an inter-borough commute? Did you know that if you were getting close to the time limit you could have just docked the bike and checked out a new one without incurring an extra charge? When you got off the bike, did you get taken in a game of Three Card Monte? Do you now own the Brooklyn Bridge?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

CommieCanuck said...

No, no, no. snob, when that moran wrote "catch an STI", he meant this. Fast an Furious.

Roille Figners said...

Citi Bike? (s)city bike, more like! You thought it was a Citi Bike? Try (s)city bike! Amirite?

Anonymous said...

Fuckin' eh, if you ethnocentric xenophobes looked at a media source outside of the USA, you'd know the prouper spelling of STD in Engliush speauking countries is STI.

babble on said...

:(
Rear derailer took out the spokes in my back wheel this morning. Sudden full stop.

Holy SCARY, batman. My angels work serious overtime.

I got away with a couple of itty bitty scrapes no bigger than mozzy bites, because I was at an intersection instead of flying through the rolling hills and travelling at a more fredly woo-hoo pace.

I was mad as a hornet at the mess it made of my pretty wheel, though. And for a minute I thought the frame broke at the drop-out, too, but it was just that wee plastic bit.

Dayyyyyyyum. DAFUQ happened???!?

Derailer's done, but no harm no foul, right? :S

ChamoisJuice said...

yep. you suck at bikes. try a spin class maybe?

CommieCanuck said...

In 30 minutes, I get from work to home up a 6-10% grade.

I picture (s)city bike SCAM in New York as this guy. Or, perhaps, this guy .

But likely, this guy .

Damned Citi-Bank slickers, they begrime us all.

CommieCanuck said...

"Rear derailer took out the spokes in my back wheel this morning. Sudden full stop."

That's called gettin' a half-CINZANO. Here is a full CINZANO.

Roille Figners said...

The funny part is, I do hate banks.

Flyover Bike commuter said...

Will explain to us bumpkins, how far is 30 New York Minutes?

If I remember correctly from the Citibike advocacy video, it's about 3-4 miles.

The truth is we're suffering mightily out here. This morning it was 54 degrees and sprinkling when I left the house, or so I thought. I was soaked within three miles, or was it ten minutes? Whichever.

It's raining to beat hell right now, and windy. I can hardly wait for the ride home.

CommieCanuck said...

"Doctor, tell me the truth, is it an STI?"

"No, but you have campagnolos, they are extremely painful and radiate from the crotch, try hiking up your pants."

yankees suck said...

gentrification? we were the first (or second?) wave of gentrification. I think it's mostly annoyance at the current crop of vapid 20-somethings who aren't moving to the city out of idealism but mostly to consume the culture we created.

Comment deleted said...

Babs, I did that once, in the friggin' rain to add misery to insult.

Wait, no. The insult came when I popped into a bike shop to ask for pliers to get the goddamn chain unstuck from between the low gear and the destroyed spokes. They lent me the pliers, but the guy said "You know, we teach intro bike maintenance classes here..."

Yeah, I set my low gear stop screw wrong (on the bike I built from the ground up), so clearly, I need a class on fixing a flat.

Anyway, Babs, I got great recco's here for a new wheel; if you need it, I'll forward it.


nsitzsch 2235 says "God is dzead".

ChamoisJuice said...

CD-

You suck at bikes, also. Should have taken the mech up on his offer... only trying to be helpful.

The prideful take criticism as insult. The wise look for the truth in the critique.

RoadQueen said...

Aww Babble...

Glad you're ok and haven't suffered any serious injury. :(

Comment deleted said...

So what's your excuse, asshole? You're getting enough criticism to stop a garbage truck, yet you seem to think you are wanted here.

wishiwasmerckx said...

You know that picture of Jonathon Vaughters? When I first saw it, I thought that it was that "We should do that" guy from the Subaru commercial that they play every 15 nanoseconds during the tour coverage on TV.

the Commentariat said...

CJ, did you really just state that the wise look for the truth in the critique?

Guess we know who the wise man is, eh Fucktard?

ChamoisJuice said...

OK, first off, these are my goals for commenting on this blog:

1. fuck off at work
2. annoy roadies
3. goad bsnyc into making fun of bicycles and bike riders more regularly and use more yiddish.
4. NYC = Cat 6 race of life
5. categorize people and material goods with accuracy.
6. increase awareness of sacred lingam massage and categorization of women based on the size of their vagina.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. (s) city bike SCAM:

Actually, I commuted this morning from Brooklyn to midtown on a Citi Bike in a leisurely 41 minutes, fully prepared to stop for a minute and check out another bike if needed.

The fastest I can do the commute on my own bike is a little more than 20 minutes. The longest time for my commute is around 4-1/2 hours, but I took a detour to Rockland Lake before work that morning and stopped for an espresso.

My dog was wondering if you would like to purchase a bridge for your exclusive use to speed up your commute.

He says he needs cash for a tattoo. I don't know where he'd put it tho. Maybe you can ask him where to put it.

My only complaints about Citi Bikes are that they are sometimes all checked out and some of the docking stations have a few computer bugs.

Other than that, they are fun way to run errands.

Roille Figners said...

Babs I had that happen towing a fully loaded trailer full of 55 kg (speaking Canadian) of music gear at full speed (or what passes for full speed with that much crap behind you). Broke the chain in two places, demolished the derailleur, and took out half the spokes. And my tire looked like some douche fixie-skidded it down some African mountainside.

This I suppose is the natural "end of life cycle" for components when you let the whole drivetrain "wear together" until the last possible minute.

Comment deleted said...

1. passing grade
2. FAIL
3. FAIL
4. FAIL
5. FAIL
6. FAIL

Triple F-minus for you, you sad little excuse for a man.

leroy said...

Dear Babs:

Popped my derailleur into my spokes one cold January evening heading home over the Brooklyn Bridge.

Good thing I was half asleep.

Hope you and your bike get well soon.

Comment deleted said...

Hmm, maybe all of us imperfect, sucking-at-bikes people need to bring back the pie plate?

Snork.

Hey, Leroy, any chance of a funk-whiz?

Roille Figners said...

Oh shit I forgot about Friday Funk Whiz. Would you join me please in welcomening...

Roille Figners said...

Though a Leroy quiz would be better...

Heat Wave, not at the beach said...

RoadQueen: I was down at Coronado Beach and saw lots of popcorn. Didn't get to munch on any of it though (female side of the coin would be lick & suck).

Babble: Sure hope those legs didn't get damaged.

JV's quote must have been written by George W. Bush

Frilly Chick said...

It's hot here today too, Snob. 94F.

Comment deleted said...

Mr. George Duke! Prepare to have your face messed up.

Treats! Duke-aay treats!

Comment deleted said...

Forgot the link.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Chamois Juice:

My dog told me your goals for commenting on this blog remind him of the hunter who repeatedly headed to the woods with his shot gun to hunt a large and well known bear.

Unfortunately for the hunter, the bear always snuck up behind the hunter, overpowered him, and forced himself sexually upon the hunter in imaginative and unsavory ways.

After several weeks, the bear once again snuck up behind the hunter.

But this time, the bear tapped the hunter on the shoulder and asked "Tell the truth, you don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"

My dog doubts your talents and goals.

You might want to work on both. Or get a new handle and make a fresh and different start.

Anonymous said...

Babs, CD, Rollie, et.al.

Did that three years ago when I downshifted between chainrings whilst hitting a bump that caused the chain to bounce from the big/big to the small/space a pie plate should go (Don't judge me for crosschaining. Judge me for other thing, but not that. Never that.)

Nuked the rear derailleur, the chain and half-a dozen spokes.
Glad I had a snap-link in the chain so I could get it all apart.

I still don't have a spoke-protector on any of my bikes, but I've stopped laughing at them.

Boston Red Sux said...

I've seen a tremendous variety of folk on Citi Bikes.

Roille Figners said...

(s)city bikes, you mean?

Frilly Chick said...

Oh and thanks for the helmet suggestions wiwm and Yarpo. wiwm, I only wish I was bad ass enough to wear that!

Might go look for one this weekend, since it's too hot to actually ride. Ha.

babble on said...

Ok, so the wheels are less than a year old, and the shop put them on. I didn't touch anything other than to pump the tires and ride my bike.

Cheers, CJ. Very kind and helpful of you.

babble on said...

And for the record, I was in sensible sidis at the time.

wishiwasmerckx said...

If there is a lesson from today's comments, it is that we all need to check our derailleur range of motion and adjust our derailleur set screws and change our stretched-out chains more often than we do.

Oh wait, if there is a lesson from today's post, it is that CJ is an annoying asshole.

Cj, do you still love nature, even after what it did to you?

Comment deleted said...

C

wishiwasmerckx said...

...on, and 100th!

Boston Red Sux said...

Roille, thanks for reminding me,,,for a sec, I thought I lived in New York Citi.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Shit, pipped at the intermediate sprint line by Comment "Griepel" Deleted.

Comment deleted said...

Sorry, wiwm. Pipped ya.

ChamoisJuice said...

If there is a lesson to be learned, it's that BSNYC commenters do not know how to:
-shift
-adjust gears
-be aware of loud rubbing noises

IRONICALLY, the current lovey dovey BSNYC audience is exactly the type of gaper the dorkring/pie plate was invented for.

WIWM, if you are just figuring out now that I am an annoying asshole, the a far dumber than I thought.

Comment deleted said...

What you call "lovey dovey", micropenis, is ordinary people who share an interest enjoying each other's virtual company. I know, it's a far, far out there concept, but try to grasp it in your simian digits.

ChamoisJuice said...

I have a similar relationship with nature as I do women:

I appreciate it's beauty, and find calm in it's presence. But ultimately, I want to conquer it and assert my dominance.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"...the a far dumber than I thought."

EXACTLY!

wishiwasmerckx said...

"I want to conquer it and assert my dominance."

Not that there's nothing kinda rapey about that or anything.

As our absent friend from the bay area would write: just sayin'...

Etherhuffer said...

Dork disc revival. Just polished up a nice huge aluminum one. Time for a Kickstarter to curate dork discs

Roille Figners said...

"The a far dumber than I thought." Indeed!

Babs you most likely had a bit too much range of motion in your rear. Derailleur. That thing was swinging so far to the left and to the right it was bound to get stuck by a steel-hard shaft sooner or later.

Me, I usually use a drive train as long as possible before consigning it to waste, knowing full well it'll either break catastrophically or gradually become increasingly annoying until I break it intentionally myself. Once everything's good 'n' fucked, you change out the whole drivetrain and start over. This one cost me 11 spokes and a tire though, mostly because I had the lack of judgment to be a musician.

Also make sure and wrap the bar tape clockwise bla bla bla.

Anonymous said...

Trek sucks. Science.

Boston Red Sux said...

Roille, thanks for reminding me...for a sec, I thought I was living in New York Citi.

(s) city bike SCAM said...

Bike snob,

I only read DAY RENTAL. then very little, where nobody reads, very small... 30 min limits.
That should be not legal. It should say: DAY RENTAL - 30 MIN AT THE TIME.

I work in a similar field and I know it is done on purpose to mislead people.

Bike snob you try to defend what is not defendable.

If a person has to go out of the way to DOCK-START-DOCK START... it is a pain in the ass.


I bet the bikes are geared so slow with the purpose of late fees.

And what about POLICE OFFICERS ARE TOLD NOT TO TICKET CITY BIKES?

You must be aware of that. I guess you are not going to start a war against a bank, but rather pick on kids. When we going to see CITY BIKES ads on your blog?

Anonymous said...

This comments section is giving me an ulcer.

ChamoisJuice said...

I like to fuck dogs and other dumb animals, but especially dogs.

Roille Figners said...

Love on the chill lovey-dovey vibes everyone!

(s) city bike said...

to the leroy guy...
And my only complain about banks is they do anything to rip you off, charge late fees and use your money for their business.
ever wonder why your check takes time to deposit? or why your cash deposit is not available until the day after? because while the bank "process" your transaction, they are actually "borrowing" your money to do some scam on the stock market.

i guess they can do it because most people let them
do it. (s) CITY bike = (s) city bank. rip me off, slowly, every day, until i am dry.

ChamoisJuice said...

Apropos of Leroy's comment, I should note that I also like to ass rape juvenile bears on occasion. They're fun little fuckers. You do have to watch out for their mothers, however. The last time a mamma grizzly caught me in the act I tried to convince her that I wasn't really harming the little cub due the the extremely small size of my schmeckel. She didn't buy it. I henceforth vowed to be more stealthy.

dana said...

Anon 7:02. Conflict avoidant, eh? I agree it kinda sucks.

Roille Figners said...

Watch me make a million marketing custom pie-plates with designs etched in them that look cool as they rotate.

Comment deleted said...

Anon and dana, apologies. I'll go back to ignoring the griefer. He wins when someone engages him.

My non-binding recommendation is radio silence in response to his trolling. I'll try to be better at it.

dana said...

Thanks Comment. Can I call you Comment? There've been some nice threads of actual conversation/jollity. The derailleur-trashed spokes where nobody was seriously hurt and lots of us know the experience too well. Funny cause it's true.

ChamoisJuice said...

I saw a horse show in Tijuana once. My mother always said that I was a veritable five stroke genius, but I had never spontaneously jizzed myself before. You simply wouldn't believe the size of that horse's dick and the volume of goo that came out of it. It was truly inspiring.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Hey you seem to not be able understand the meaning of [non interweb] abbreviated words huh? Who is the trick?

CommieCanuck said-No, no, no. snob, when that moran wrote "catch an STI", he meant this. Fast an Furious.
CommieCanuck: HENCE SBI SEVERE BRAIN INJURY {if there wasn't spell check this post would have read as the following : sever brian injury} Yeah it's that bad !!!& that happen five years ago on August twenty third two thousand and eight. Hit and run! That goes to show you something ... I had to drop out of ...July 18, 2013 at 4:31 PM

ge said...

So this blogger was like "There's no Friday fun quiz because it's hot as a fuck today."

And I was like "Are we really having this conversation?"

PS - Babs, forget the pie plate, you need a pizza pie plate. Pie plates are mostly just good for those days you're hoping for an easier gear than you actually have and your derailleur complies. Maybe those old timey big metal ones would catch a short cage derailleur, not sure.

Moron said...

Hey Anon 8:41 - Moran? Oh CJ, your fucktarded spelling gives you away.

babble on said...

Ok, but as I own that I suck at knowing exactly how to tune my Campy parts, I take it to the pros. Regularly. At the first sign of trouble, actually. Which I was doing as it was making noise and skipping in the third smallest gear in the back today.

Ah. In fact, when I was riding with a friend of mine the other day - Wednesday, in fact - (he is a retired pro who has raced here and in Europe for 40 yrs.) We stopped at the LBS to have it tuned cause the chain catcher kept having to catch the chain.

My friend wondered about the wheel's installation when he saw what happened today but the first rule of diagnostics is what changed, right?

Snob? He can't possibly own that bridge. It's all mine.

Blog Drafter said...

I had a chain ship o'er the pie plate side once as I was setting up the rear **semi unpronounceable French word** on a new bike while it was on the stand. That was enough to scare me witless...NEVER take the pie plate off unless you understand why it's there in the first place. Once you do understand, treat it as the Big Brotherish annoyance that it is. Just don't cut yourself on the cheap-ass sharp edges as you're throwing it away.

A drop of paint or nail polish on the screws, when set up, will help hold them in place. I'm sure there's a high tech alternative but that has worked fine for me for longer than I care to admit.

ChamoisJuice said...

I guess that this is confession day for me. You know that 21 yr old I have been talking about? She's actually the neighbor's dog. She's three. Since dogs supposedly age 7 years for every human year, I figured she was 21 or something like that.

At first she resisted my advances, but now she's starting to wave her cute little ass in my face if I haven't given it to her for a few days. I really feel like I am teaching her something about real love. I mean, what does a male dog know about love? I think I may be falling in love with that little bitch.

Anonymous said...

anon 8:41pm nope I am my own...

Spence said...

"Fantastic" like my blog! Somehow you had me laughing and not offended.

Anonymous said...

For that Chamoisjuice fucktard http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi1hNWYyODM3YzJlZWI1NTli

Anonymous said...

ChamoisJuice is of the scranus velosis of lob who is snob as his bibshorted avatar

Yarpo said...

Babble, sorry to hear about your crash, and to echo others, I'm glad you're not severely injured. I'm also really fucking glad you're not dead.

Hope you are able to fix it all and get your Fred-cycle back out into Vancouvishlandia.

CommieCanuck, thanks for the picture of Tullio himself. My pants hurt now, and I'm not even wearing them.

It's Friday, work is done, time for the wine to start pouring...I'll replay the Caruso that Roille sent last May, the wine will taste better that way.

Glug, glug!

McFly said...

It's been a toasty but pleasant 86 or so here in the Meth Capital of the Galaxy. I think the meth cooks finally got the chemistry scienced out so record low numbers of single wide trailers are exploding which annually causes the temp to hover around 94-96 this time of year. Lets hear it for seamless amphetamine production without having to call HazMat.

Anonymous said...

Old man bidniz has a cranky creek!

Fritz said...

BSNYC Why not just delete CJ comments? too much work?

C,mon?

I like the rest of the readers appreciate your Blog and your sense of humor, to have someone shit on it and take no action ...that ain't right

JDH said...

@McFly. Around here(west central illinoiz)the weasel-dust gets mixed up in the "shake and bake" style. Chemicals go in a plastic water bottle, and in minutes they have a hit. Fuckin' nuts. Those folks is ate up!

leroy said...

Dear Mr. (s) city bike:

Thank you for your tutorial. My dog tried explaining capitalism to me once, but I couldn't follow half of what he said. You, however, make the subject come alive.

It's good that you don't use banks. My dog is eager to close his sale of the Brooklyn Bridge quickly and is offering a substantial discount for a cash transaction not dependent on obtaining a mortgage commitment.

Those bank financing deals take time and time, as you explain, is money.

If you could also explain to my dog that three card Monty requires opposable thumbs, I'd be ever so grateful.

He won't listen to me.

El Bonkistador said...

So... is there someway I can use unprotected sex to upgrade my existing STI?

Anonymous said...

Agave Nectar, it's Bunkey!

NO NOT THIS-
It should be an easy case to crack, because that's obviously Dave Stoller from "Breaking Away:"

I know, Are we seriously having this conversion? Seriously...

Anonymous said...

Oh meth,oh meth ...DO NOT FUCK WITH IT<
HUH? NOT EVEN ONCE

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said... The un-type-OOOO REVISION OF THE TRUTH...
In my experience the people I have allowed to engage in sex acts with me who were cyclist; used or used when asked to use a condom. [DO AS I SAY: or else I am not willing or able! I don't want it at all! Not me!]The cyclist who used one without having to be asked wore a helmet, while the others had to be asked did not wear helmets while cycling.{This is my sex study so bare with me on this}
HIV, STIs, UNWANTED PREGNANCY {[the main issue] the heart of it all: gene pool extinction "because we need a lot less of you"}
tdlsh

I believe that people who wear helmets are more than likely to use condoms in their personal live. Like condoms helmets protect the user to a point from potential injury ({mostly NON-}/reversible STIs or unwanted pregnancy[former]). What risk you future health it you live to have a clean STI FREE NO BABY FUTURE...

Hey I guess it all comes around when your out of the gene pool that works out great. Don't wear a helmet but wear a condom while giving & receiving head(I call it head for all sexes),anal,CUNT because we need a lot use of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 19, 2013 at 4:36 AM

ce said...

Seriously? Are we really having this conversation?

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

leroy isn't going to sound so smug when he realises that "(s) city bike" is leroy's own dissociated personality and that he has been conspiring to bring the whole soul destroying Citi Bike system down.

Internet Fight Club

ChamoisJuice said...

My girlfriend always insists that I use black condoms. What's up with that?

leroy said...

148....

leroy said...

149...

leroy said...

Asked my dog if I seemed smug.

He sang "learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

Never cared for that song.

And it occurs to me that he licks himself.

Anonymous said...

TdF now stricter than the toxicology screening at a shemale b-slap tournament? Mark my words! Yoo-Hoo?!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anybody else wishing that they would bring back the John Tesh "tubular bells" TdF background music? I think I may still have that on an old cassette tape in the garage.

Brother Theodore said...

Hasn't been any hilarious moments in the comments for quite some time.
CJ is a buzz kill with his puerile, oversharimg inanity (among a zillion other transgressions).
He needs to unload his crap, on a couch, to a psychiatrist. But not us!
Seek help CJ!
I mean that in the most sincere, loving way possible, dear boy.

ge said...

Seriously, I'm still bitter about no Friday Fun Quiz. I mean, I pay good money to read this blog. Oh wait, no I don't. Never mind. Am I really having this conversation ... with myself?

Scranus

iptypest 1240 - that'd be me

ce said...

Sorry leroy... I mean, Sir... for divulging information about Project Mehhem. I'm pretty good with The 6th Rule of Internet Fight Club: "No pants, no shoes", but I get a little hazy about the others.

McFly said...

Did some MTB today with one of those Cat 2 guys. Apparently layin on a beach for a week does not really prepare one for brutal rocky climbs with Mosquitos sucking what few red blood cells I had left out of me. I should have known when he said "We will just take it easy and get some miles in" that I was screwed.

Still better than work.

Jasper siX6Xis said...

Wifey #1, the children and I just got back from Seattle where it reached a scorching high of 72 degrees Fahrvergnügen. Speaking of which, there was no driving pleasure, just lots of driving. Not speaking of which, I like that the Rubbee comes equipped with a fancy leather strop to fulfill one's straight razor honing needs.

leroy said...

Faux Friday Fun Quiz -- Tour Day Fransay edition (because, hey, somebody's got to do it)

1. Tomorrow's editions of Rupert Murdoch's newspapers will run a photo of Chris Froome on the podium with the headline:

A. A Froome with a view
B. Anew, Froome sweeps clean
C. Hillary disqualified for doping.

2. Jens Voight has

A. A posse
B. An army
C. A better accent than Ahnold Schwarzenegger
D. an 11 child deficit to qualify for celebrity blogger status

3. A beer commercial with song lyrics "My body tells me no-oh oh, but I won't quit cause I want more" writes its own joke.

A. True
B. False
C. Scuse me, I need to pee again.

4. You can put Bob Roll in a lilac polo shirt, but you can't make him look like a frat boy.

A. True
B. False
C. May I see suspect number 2 with a popped collar please?

5. According to the commercials accompanying the Tour, the typical Viagra user is

A. A ruggedly handsome man of a certain age driving a truck with a horse trailer
B. A ruggedly handsome man of a certain age driving a mustang convertible
C. Those two dudes screaming like little girls while driving a Cadillac

6. In order to win the TdF, one has to unpack one's

A. Suitcase of courage
B. Louis Vuitton valise of valor
C. Cunning Marc Jacobs clutch
D. Martha Stewart satchel of schadenfreude
E. Vera Wang

Comment deleted said...

Leroy makes me proud to be a merkin.

ce said...

Seriously? Are we really having this quiz?

Yes? Oh okay, thanks Leroy.

By the time Jens Voight is begrimed with 17 children of his own, Rocko will have moved on from his "blog about nothing... but scranuses"; dabbled in blogging about urban bee keeping, in his poorly received and forgettable "Bee Blog"; and moved on to produce a series titled "Bloggers On Bikes Buying Beers". Jens can be a guest.

Ken Lam said...

It is very hot today.

El Bonkistador said...

really? no help with the gruppo sex?

I'm not gonna judge.

Also, the repost of the lecture kinda didn't help me because I don't wear a helment, plus it sort of assumes I would be having this sex with another person. I was really hoping it was gonna be something I could DIY with a pringles can and an air compressor... I guess you live and you learn.

crosspalms said...

I think Vera Wang should be a potential answer in all future quizzes. Gold, Leroy, gold.

ge said...

Thanks Leroy. I can make it to next Friday now.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Question #4 -Gold Leroy, Gold.

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Jonny said...

Holistic Education. In the South we call it "having a football coach for a social studies teacher."

nyc said...

Thank you for the info. It sounds pretty user friendly. I guess I’ll pick one up for fun. thank u...



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